Why married men do not let go. Is it possible to break the chains yourself? If the reason is in sexual thrust and jealousy

You will be friends further - you will fight your head about the wall. Better get out of it. Tell her that you don't intend to communicate anymore. And what's next if something between you and her will be like sexual / romantic relationships (if it is not your style, insert instead of the phrase what you are more in spirit). And if it is impossible for any reason - at least objective, even subjective, even justified, even unreasonable - everything is, this is the end, you will never have any communication with it.

I am no joke. You will push this cart, not in the hope of some kind of prominating a person like "So I will say so now, she will understand that I am a strong personality, since I can be happy without it, and she will not be enough for her. She will want to achieve me, and she will not have to be friends with me anymore. "

You say this not because you hope to return the person thus. You say that, because you realized that for you your personal happiness is more important than any relationship, and that if the current relationships with this person cause suffering, you are ready to break them. In a word, you are ready to go to your bank, and any alternatives are a compromise that will force you to suffer. If anything restrains your intention to be happy, and you are experiencing any fears, doubts or uncertainty about the prospects to cut the relationship with an ax, work out it.

However, even our friendly relationships were strongly spoiled. I have repeatedly tried to leave, but the same time returned.

The relationship was spoiled - it's no good to leave. This is not even friendship. These are your dying dreams about the closer link, set on the livelihood system. There is nothing left of the relationships, except for your hopes that something changes.

So I want to kill any of your hopes for the root. Get rid of them. Nothing terrible, so it should be. They only torment you, and you will see it.

What I wrote above regarding the insolvency of such friendship is appropriate here. You return to it, because your attempts to leave "do not work." You have not yet decided to stop these relationships, and you are trying to promine a person. So what is this friendly relationship? What is this love for a person, if you try to manipulate them?

Nothing amazing - if you draw information from society about how most people love and you will love, then you will learn to love through manipulations, fear and the illusion of control. Most people do not know anything else, although they give it for love, care and desire to be together.

But again, not everything is lost. It is these things that are worked out with a bang (though not immediately). An excellent reason to take up with the head and to gap from there such models of interaction with people. You simply will not be able to be able to sit in situations like you described, after due to work on yourself, when all this will be thrown away as unnecessary.

You may think that you come back, because you love her, and that you have feelings, and what you can't without her, and you pull you? Alas, it is not. On the face of manipulation, and that is why:

She always notices me only when trying to return ...

You leave for her notice you - manipulation on face. It is subject to elaboration.

And every time everything is worse, and when I start to start the topic, they say if I don't need you or you avoid me or do not want to see and communicate tell me, then I tell me, oh God calm down everything in order ..

Why do you want to hear something from her? Why can't you decide for yourself? Why do you need something to say something there?

Actions speak a million times more than any words. You see what is happening. You see how you belong to you. But you have no proper determination, so that all this will refine, and you want you to tell you that everything, relationships end. You want you to have no responsibility for being with a relationship of responsibility, so you want to tell you that you do not want to communicate with you, and only then you can leave - you no longer need it. And she just do not need your hysterics, so she asks to calm down.

And what kind of "I don't need you". Build relationships on the feeling of need (that is, on an attempt to form a fear from a person) - this is normal, if I mean that this teaches society. But it is abnormal if you need happiness. I emerge from the assumption that you want to be happy, and ready for this to serious measures. Therefore, the need to be needed is to work.

I feel in a trap, I want it to at least once again told the truth, even be bitter. And she denies everything.

You want too much from people. If you asked in childhood in adults, where did you get on the light, then heard the truth from them? When you were explained in front of you, why didn't you congratulate you on your birthday in time, did you tell you the truth? When are you asked "how are you?", Do you always tell the truth?

True ... True - this is, of course, a wonderful thing. But in communication with people you do not need to count on it. Lies in the communication of people tons, and rely on what you will be verbally to express the truth - it is better to be silent in life in general and with people do not have. People need to maintain the status quo, and lies for this task - an excellent mechanism. Count on the fact that a person will drop his ego and tell the truth is utopia.

No matter how much I want, but the relationship between a woman and a man does not always have "Happy End". Sometimes the relationship is broken by themselves, sometimes lovers come to such a solution. But, there are situations where one of the partners wants to part, but does not know how to do it correctly. Unfortunately, women still face with another problem, for example, when the relationship was already outlined, love passed, but the partner does not understand this, and moreover, he does not let go of his beloved.

In trying to prove their love, keep the companion, sometimes comes to the hands-writer. Such situations should not be tolerated, and even more so, to hide them from their relatives, friends, because, as a rule, attempts to keep the woman with threats and other things, do not bring to the good. Moreover, this behavior of a partner is a red signal that says that further you are no longer on the way.

Being in confusion from the fact that the guy does not let go, the girls continue, as they say, pull the cat by the tail. But, this is the root of the wrong position! After all, forcibly miles will not be. If there is a feeling that you want to go away from the guy, then you need to act, and act correctly. So how to part with a guy, if he does not let go?

Part with a partner correctly

One of the most important criteria for breaking the relationship is solid and confident behavior. The decision to break the relationship should be suspended, delivered and not to be manipulated. It should be remembered that each person is born free, and no one has the right to limit his freedom and even more to hold himself as a pet. Before conversation with a guy who loves and does not let go, the speech in which will go about parting, you should think well for your text. Do not pull the cat for the tail and wait for the right moment. It will not come. Therefore, as soon as the decision on parting was made, it should be immediately appointed to meet her guy and inform him this news.

The first and impregnable rule - the guy must learn this bad news personally. This means that the conversation should take place au-a-tet. No sms, no paper letters, no imaging or phone calls. No matter how terrible, it should be told personally. Moreover, the guy in no way should learn about the gap from any third parties, it will not only offend him, but also will be angry.

Further, when the meeting is already appointed, you need to come confident. A woman should show her partner that is tuned seriously and decisively that it is impossible to intimidate it with threats. You should explain the guy that no feelings, alas, there is no more to him. But, in no case cannot be remembered by Caica, the old insults, point out the minuses of the guy, and certainly should not be referred to its shortcomings as the cause of the gap.

Such "excuse" will cause a partner a desire to correct, give him another chance. Hearing that the reason lies in his character or habit, the guy will immediately begin manipulate a woman and convince her that this is the problem that can be corrected. It is at this moment that a woman, in his kind, begins to give in to the tricks of the manipulator. In this situation, it is important to remember why it was decided to parting, and continue to remain cold-blooded.

After the conversation, different phone calls begin, messages with requests to return to the guy. In this situation, the main thing is to maintain calm, do not respond aggressively. The best option is ignoring. Sooner or later, the guy himself get tired of knocking into the closed door.

If the guy threatens

Threats in the case of relationships are divided into two types: threats that the guy will end with him, or hurt you and threats to either a woman or her loved ones. How to behave in this situation and how to part with a guy, if he does not let go and threatens?

Also, it can be advised in such a situation how to part with a guy ate he did not let the conspiracy. Suddenly a woman became a victim of the love spell? Suddenly her companion, as they say, the devil took? The conspiracy will help scare the obsessive fan. Conspiracy at home is very dangerous, plus, there are no guarantees that everything will go right and everything will turn out.

Therefore, in this matter, it is best to go to the Savark, or to a specialist in the conspiracy. Before going around, you should ask familiar if they have experience in this matter, maybe they will advise a person who could have a conspiracy and make it right. It should be noted that a person's personal belongings may be needed for a conspiracy, on which this plot is sent, therefore, it is worth taking care in advance.

Unfortunately, parting is not always pleasant. But, this is life, so you will need to be ready for everything and always act according to your feelings and mind. After all, if someone from partners are bad in relationships, it is good, it will definitely not end, how many attempts would not have established everything.

Throw me with tomatoes, but learn from other errors is an empty business. While the face itself will not fall in the dirt and you will not choose from this shit, you will not understand anything. Therefore, it is definitely not to keep a man if he wants to leave, I will not. Sometimes it is helpful to cling to the dead grip in the one who we are no longer needed, to satisfy your fears and humiliation, look at yourself from the side and not know, experience pity and disgust to yourself "beloved" so that finally the conscious "enough". And no longer repeat this error. Never. Because it is dangerous for life.

The real story that a psychologist told me. A family. Two children. Ten years in marriage. She has long forgot about his hobbies and interests. All forces and time - children and husband. And he stated that he wanted a divorce. Meting a woman. Love-carrot. And in a different way. For her it was the end of the world. She decided to keep incorrect. I went to the forest, cut the veins in my arms, called the beloved and said: "I can't survive it, I don't need my life. Goodbye". In the evening she woke up in the hospital, near the frightened husband: "Sorry. Do not worry about anything. I'll stay". Yes, the husband stayed in the family, because he did not want his relative children to lose his mother. But who has turned this woman! In uncertain, compacted hysterical. Her life began to be like an endless torture. Suspicions and jealousy did not give rest. It is clear that the husband continued to relate to the side. And this is the daily painful sawing yourself in pieces led her to know where? To oncologist. Young woman 35 years old! Once beautiful, cheerful and interesting, bold, with his dreams. And for whom? Well, nothing comes out of trying to keep a man ... Sooner or later regret. And good if you manage to keep health. After all, living with a constant feeling that they do not like you, is hell. Is not it so?

What to do, if a man decides to leave, a well-known psychologist Alena Al-speare told us:

Alena Al-speaker
psychologist

"I think it is better to stay for a man with a pleasant memories than annoying presence. I just want to say - from practice: a man who has long been in a relationship with a woman himself makes it possible to leave very rarely. As a rule, the reasons for this: 1) the woman was driven by itself; 2) the removal of the brain on its part reached critical mass; 3) a new significant woman appeared, love, and the man wants to build a new relationship. If you see that the situation is exactly as in the first two cases, then it is worth thinking about what exactly do you achieve? Will this man mean for you? If so, you should reconsider your behavior, otherwise you still have one. Moreover, without trying to change their behavior scenarios, you will come across the same problems in new relationships. This is not a call to close your eyes on unpleasant things for you, just not to lose a man! Not. You just need to learn to talk about your desires and feelings, make a compromise and behave in female wisely. If another appeared in the life of a man, I advise you not to consider it as your personal loss. So it happened. Usually women are trying in this situation to fight for a man, but, as a rule, the result is disappointing. "

With your struggle for a man, you simply enjoy His ego, increase its importance, at the same time we turn into a desperate creature of the female kind, which prompts his love. In addition to neglect, such a female role does not affect a man. And love is not right

What if there are children? How not to deal?! You can try, but the final is predictable. And think: Does the children really need such an example? Maybe it is better to discuss further interaction methods, while maintaining your own dignity than to show the children of mom asking and humiliated?

Another situation, when a man goes away, saying: "I need freedom / I didn't fit / I am not ready for the relationship," it means only one thing: he needs freedom from you, and he is not ready for relationships specifically with you. As a rule, if he has the feeling that he found his woman, such excuses disappear by themselves. Specifically, in this case, attempts to keep a man will not lead to the desired result.

Please accept that you have a transit point and life it will build on the other. This situation must be taken with dignity. Just this is not your person. If the scheme "met - lived together - went to the other" I became familiar, that is, the reason to turn to a psychologist

In general, with patients with relationships in any case, you need to end. If during the parting "blows the roof" is not always love. More often an emotional dependence. Disease. His identification only with a partner and in no way. And without the help of a specialist with her it is difficult to cope. If during parting the light of the wedge came out and do not want to live, run to a psychologist. It often happens: beats, drinks, walks, but I still will not let go. Because my, risk, I can not imagine another life. This is not love. All because "hooked" on sick relations as on the needle. And why? Because at some point crossed the hell, which is dangerous to overpower. Dreams, big plans were abandoned on the far shelf. Relations ousted everything. About myself as a person with their ideas forgot. His desires are your desires. That fell into the trap. This is what I feel ... to the fact that you do not need to be afraid of parting with those who do not appreciate you, does not like, does not respect. From emotional dependency can be cured. It will only be the first time. But you need to constantly remind myself that it will not always be, it will pass, everything will change.

How to let go of a man and end with sick relations? Tips of psychologists are reduced to one: the main thing that needs to be done is to make a decision. Final and irrevocable. Alas, this is the most difficult. Next - to survive the situation. Give yourself time to "spoil", but not tighten with it. If you keep everything in yourself or, on the contrary, you will be afraid of sobbing, you can fall into deep depression. After several days of the indity, it is necessary to switch. To work. For a trip. That always brought you joy. Every month it will be easier. Periodically, breakdowns, hysterics, but the farther, the more them will be. The most difficult thing is to survive the first six months after the gap. Then the so-called breaking passes. You will feel a full-fledged independent person. And it will be the wonderful beginning of your new life.

Here is such a strangeness inherent in the representatives of strong sex. And who said that female logic is a solid joke? What about the male - "and not the gaps himself, and not let the other?"? Agree, such behavior is no less fun. At least, it seems that way.

Although women who have connections with such types, obviously not to laughter. Showing on the one hand indifference, and on the other - the reluctance to let go, the partner "encourages" the lady for a suspended state. Moreover, it often suffers from this himself - he feels guilty for his behavior and at the same time aware of the inability to take responsibility and break the relationship.

One of the most common explanations for the fact that a man does not let go and does not hold, is ... confusion. It would seem that a completely female kindergarten, but, alas, a representative of a strong half can also be lost in his own feelings. In life, there is any, and sexual contact, which will later turn into a love romance, and which a person may not want to contribute to anything:

• Furnishing (resort novel).
• Excessive ladies initiative.
• Accident (under the action of alcohol, stress, etc.).

If the personality has a clear position about his family, then, most likely, the relationship will not continue. Accordingly, no one will suffer. But it is rarely it is rarely, since the bulk of men is very much for temptations. Wife and children go to the background, and the mistress becomes the main object of adoration. And in a month, another person can suddenly overdress and even fall the shock from the fact that it works. It is here that the situation "I'm confused" - to refuse the wife can not yet, and from the mistress - can no longer.

The reasons for which the chosen is not released and does not hold. In addition to confusion, men may have a few more reasons provoking such behavior:

• Habit. Man is so comfortable. He is an egoist by nature and not confident. The fact that your own comfort above the feelings of both partners is not in doubt. The mistress is only an option for sex, which is humiliating and regrettable.

The advice of the beautiful half: Do not humiliate, you are worthy of true happiness and, first of all, respect. This connection does not make sense. You just spend the segment of life wasted.

• Inferiority complex. Perhaps the girl is too soft, forgives his loved one, it swings to wait for him all my life, etc. Impunity makes a man in charge and unnecessarily confident in their virtues. The mistress can hear even incorrect statements in his address. Why? Because he has a bunch of complexes about its own importance and fullness. And to releasing them, one spouse becomes little.

• Owner. Often in the love triangle none of the parties (except for faithful, of course) does not recognize each other. And God forbid, so that the mystery revealed, and "Kazanov" had to make a choice. Because he is in kind - the owner, a person deprived of honesty and upbringing. His goal is true and untrue to keep both passions. And the most unscrupious way: impossible promises, mental conversations, complaints, oaths, etc. Choices, as a rule, believe and wait. So, waiting for their life ...

What to do Pasia: wait or take the initiative in your hands?

How belongs to this type of male half? What if he seems to love, but makes doubt?

First, deal with the palette of feelings. If your love or strong attachment is between you, then save the relationship. But you must certainly find out whether the need is the choice itself? Or will they continue on the initiative of the partner? Common arguments, as well as your intuition will help prompt the right answer.

There are thousands of examples when the couple passed a similar stage and finally reunited - the partner did the choice in favor of the new beloved.

Of course, it does not work out without sad (for mistresses) statistics. Often a one-way initiative does not lead to anything good - a couple breaks up, he returns to the family or finds a new passion. Therefore, taking a decision, weigh everything. First of all, gather with thoughts and ask yourself that you feel about this man - do you confuse love with wounded pride or vulnerable pride? Or maybe it's just addiction and you need to heal yourself, and then make complaints to another? Make conclusions based on honest answers to these questions.

Some psychologists also advise to find out what psychological benefit you receive from such communication. If there are reasons and if they are sufficiently well, the woman just needs to be realized by the sound mind. After awareness, she can decide to remain with a person, only the experiences will not be so painful.

Also, love relationships compare with a chess game - first the move of one, then the second. The rules are set before the game. Whoever began, he leads the party. So, when the relationship initiates a strong half, a woman often agrees, as a result of what suffers. When an attempt is made to change the rules and establish your own, it turns out to be impossible - a man is unprofitable.

Tip: If you do not change the rules of your forces, go to the situation dramatically - change the partner. But first think that it will be less painful for you - stay or quit. In dubious situations, take a piece of paper and write down the pros and cons of your novel, and then make a decision.

Time to put all points on I

How to put a point if the lover does not hold and does not let go? When the lover promises to choose between you and his wife, but it doesn't, you need to understand that the promise he will never fulfill. Consequently, there is no respect for your feelings here. The lover is confident that you will not go away from him, because you love so that they eat everything. And if not - you have enough to hint that he will find a replacement itself and you will conquer again. Is not it?

It also happens that a person continues to communicate with his mistress (by phone), but constantly transfers the meeting. Most likely, there is a different one for a long time (that is, the third), and he just keeps you about the reserve. Such an attitude is even more humiliating.

Therefore, do not wait for it to pursue you in the dirt so that you will stop respecting yourself. Act! The decision on the rupture should take you, and not he. And let's understand "beloved" that you are not his property that you are a person who has dignity and pride. But be alert - often a strong floor, sneezing, begins to act. Remarkable by the fact that his property decided to become an independent person or what is worse - to have a new Uhager, a loved one can immediately catch up and tell the fairy tales about how I missed. Do not share. If you give up, it will turn on the old tactics, and you will wait for a meeting for another six months.

Remember - better put the point first. And it is better to put it forever, otherwise the lover will torment you until it is not necessary for anyone. Of course, the man takes not the last place in the life of the lady, but you can not tolerate the humiliation just because you are afraid to stay alone.

Appreciate, respect, love, but only first of all myself, and therefore already your beloved.

This person will keep you until you enable him to do it. Being with you in such a relationship, he decides for your account its emotional problems, reserves the opportunity to return if he suddenly stops him to arrange in new conditions, takes you the opportunity to arrange his happy fate, the right to solve, your energy, Forces, nerves. Why are you so with you? Who told you that you can't imagine anything that you are not worthy of all the best? Try to realize the fact that you are with this person already parted already Stopped to be a couple, in any case my life improved, rebuilt, knows how to live without you. You also need to do and you - you have a complete right, they are simply obliged to become happy, for themselves, loved, start living, because he does not value you, made your choice, do your own. Try emotionally disconnect from it, it means to stop if possible any participation in his life (in general, it is not to direct attention, and therefore energy, in his direction, in the past), try to immediately switch attention to something else at the first idea , memories of him, meeting, not interested, do not communicate at all, unless exclusively on forced reasons (be calm, independent, natural, self-sufficient, not demonstrating anything and behavior through force, without proving, not asking for) and start building your A new happy life, realizing that without him it is quite possible. Analyzing the relationship for yourself, know that you would have happened, you can not be completely blamed unilaterally (both partners always play a role in the emergence of their problem), you are worthy of being happy, loved, never, just for What you are, nothing for this specially does not do and without deserving, without investing in this process to comprehend what happened and why, of all forces, time, without turning expectations, suffering in the meaning of our being. Let's take this experience as life experience, weigh the wrong perception of yourself and negative emotions, let's start to become the most and aware of their value as a person, beautiful women, beauty, mind, kindness, responsiveness, humor and all other positive qualities (you have them - Uyma, add themselves! This is a psychological exercise). No effects will give any effects until you inside ourselves do not create the necessary harmony, until I love yourself as much as you once loved it, you will not start investing the strength, money, time, resources. Start living for yourself, in joy and pleasure, in the full sense of these expressions, allow it to yourself, this will become the first significant step to the release of the past, all the negative, to the transfer of focus of attention from the act of a man to establish their lives in a whole, and therefore Foreign equilibrium acquisition. You should pay attention to yourself, stop looser to what happened, thinking about the motives and consequences of his behavior and turn it, and more precisely to reorienate exclusively on yourself - life is too short to spend it on the illusions and those who do not value you. The meaning of life will not go anywhere, there is always for anything else to live, even those who remained to live for several days. Stop upset, imagine all possible horrors, this does not help yourself. Also do not look for salvation from loneliness, support in other people, men - look for the inner source of life, you have. In order to survive any negative events, it is necessary to give to emotions experienced as a result (they still have inside you inside, do not remove, do not react), cry, shout, beat the pillow or a pear in the gym, break, tear what is not sorry , Write everything on a sheet of paper everything, with which you want to break forever, the whole negative and burst it, burn it - it becomes easier, verified by experience. There are pleasant physical exercises for you, still walks in nature give a tremendous charge of energy, if you truly penetrate the sensations received, see comedies and funny shows (these are laughter therapy) - find your way to charge your positive method, your self-regulation method. Look at the situation from such a point of view: this man performed a specific function next to you, gave experience, no longer make sense to be with him, parting and staying alone with me - this is not only sad emotions, they will pass, it is also the opportunity to understand yourself , experience, chance to find an pleasing occupation, attract a person in your life who will appreciate you exactly what you are, will love, let you feel that you are the best, because it is, to look at the world through the eyes of freely disposed of its time and he is a person ... and a lot more. Understand that you should not have anything to anyone, they are not obliged to feel someone, anyone's inconsistencies to feel unhappy. Do not dissolve ever in another person and relationships, keep your integrity. Do not let the feeling of happiness and completeness of life depend on you from another person, his opinions or behavior. Just pay attention to yourself, understand what the most important value for you is you yourself. What to do next with your life - the choice is only for you. Yes, you have to change your life, but does not mean that for the worse. Switch to yourself. Get out the search for opportunities to get joyful emotions - now it is like a sanatorium treatment, rest, doctors and medications combined. Love yourself, appreciate and respember, so there will be people, men to treat you. Allow yourself to become happy, regardless of the presence of other people in your life. Every love begins with love for yourself, so love yourself as you are, and the attitude towards you from other people will also change for the better. Love for yourself is an unconditional acceptance of yourself as it is, the ability to see positive and negative features, develop good, not denying, not to give up bad (although there is definitely bad and good, in all there are 2 sides), understand your desires , feel that you are good regardless of the opinions of others, age, education, finance, appearance, status. Self-satisfaction is a deep inner unshakable and independent of anything confidence that you are valuable in itself, is important, worthy of love, happiness, respect and all sorts of praise. Everything will be fine with you, believe me, everything will fall into place as soon as you start treating carefully and respectfully to yourself (this is love for yourself). Do not wait for anyone that someone will help, tell me, will decide for you, make your life happy - build it yourself, fill with the new desired content. Do all the best for yourself. Be good primarily for yourself, become the main value for yourself, the object of the application effort, life guideline, you are worth it, you never throw yourself away, do not hurt, do not betray. Believe in yourself, you can, just achieve, everything will work with you, do not be afraid - live with these thoughts. Everyone chooses himself, whether he is happy or unhappy - let yourself be what you want. Act. This is a very short answer. Want to support and professional advice - contact, always happy to help, maintain, choose acceptable ways to solve the situation. Good luck, love and harmony with you. For an assessment of the answer, I will be grateful.

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