Funny thoughts of kids about their parents. Funny phrases of children, babble. Even the devil in his hell would like to have polite and obedient angels

Olga Varaksina
"Smile, the children say!" (a selection of funny children's sayings)

Dear colleagues, I offer you a selection of funny children's sayings that I have collected. After all, today is April Fool's Day. Smile!

Nastya arranges toys in a circle on the table, pre-decorating them with multi-colored hair ties. In her hands she holds a kitten, on which she does not wear elastic bands and says: “Look - they all gathered for a birthday, that's why they dressed up like that! And this one Chubais(points at the kitten) not dressed up ... "

Children during breakfast in kindergarten smelled some kind of smell, they asked what it smells like, the teacher said:

This milk ran away.

Where did it run away? - Varya was surprised.

Julia sat down on the sofa, tucking her legs under her, and said: "Look, I'm legless!" Then she got up from the sofa, announcing: “And now foot!»

While drawing a sketch with a simple pencil, Misha lost his eraser (eraser). He looked around the space around him and asked: “Who saw my styrene?»

After memorizing Balmont's poem "Autumn", which sounds like this:

Lingonberry ripens,

The days got colder

And from the bird cry

The heart is only sadder ...

Nastya recited:

Ripens sad,

The days got colder

And from the bird's flu

The heart is only sadder ...

The teacher prepared various materials for drawing, including pokes. Kolya asks: "Why do we need these sticks?" Kiryusha is ahead of the adult's explanation: “What are you, Kolya, don't understand? We will be them to poke!

The children started talking about insects. Dima competently says: "You cannot offend the bugs, they are people too!"

Anya and Semyon are playing with toy cars. Semyon says enthusiastically:

Anya, do you know that my dad is like that bullshit bought!

What is bullshit?

Semyon, bewildered, shaking his hands in the air, continues:

Well it is like that bullshit, which must be chewed!

It turns out it was about a chewing marmalade called "Fru-Fru".

We play with the children the game "Name the baby animals". The adult begins - the children continue: “The cat is ... a kitten, a goat - ... a kid, a sheep - ... shepherd»

Vasya is going to paint with wax crayons. Asks the teacher: “Please give me a piece of paper. I will shallow!»

Dasha, with expression, recites the famous poem by A. Barto about the bull: - The bull is swinging, dying on the move ...

We are going for an evening walk. Autumn. Friday. There are many children. Noisy, hot. Kiryusha, who has very unclear speech, approaches the teacher and asks:

toy cars?

Kiryush, probably somewhere in the group. Let's not look for them now. Don't worry - they won't go anywhere. You can pick it up on Monday.

Kiryusha shook his head in agreement, stood aside and after a while came up with the same question.

And you do not know where Irina Alexandrovna put my toy cars?

To which the teacher again begins to explain everything anew and asks:

The guys are very hot. Let's go look for cars on Monday. Go like this, okay?

The child with a strange expression on his face stepped away, and then grabbed his boots and shouted joyfully, shaking them in the air:

I found mine boots!

Nika, talking about life, shares her impressions with Sofia about the lanterns of happiness, excitedly tells her that if someone launches such a flashlight into the sky, his dreams will come true. After listening to her friend, Sofia did not share her delight and said: “But when I let go of the ball, I have nothing did not come true!»

In the lesson on the development of speech, children come up with rhymes for the phrase: "You, fox, where did you walk ?." The answer options are different, interesting: “I was lying in the sun”, “I was dancing in the meadow”, “I was selling vegetables”, etc. Leon, happily jumping up, as if it dawned on him, gave an unexpected rhyme: “I was looking for my beloved!”

After talking about books, the library, during the "Book Week" in kindergarten, the teacher told the children that the next day the whole group will go on an excursion to the library. After a while, one of the pupils in a serious voice asks: “I forgot something when we go to disco?»

Ulyana came to the group in a new dress. Eyes are shining! Satisfied! Demonstrates it by straightening her skirt. The teacher asks:

Ulyanochka, who made such a beautiful dress for you?

The teacher takes pictures of the children in action. Looking through the photos, he complains that the frames are overexposed. Sasha, hearing the words of the teacher, importantly says: "But you turn off the flash ..."

20.09.2011 08:49

We do not often write about children. But in vain! Children should be followed, recorded, and then read, preferably aloud!

Morning. Mom is painting. Egor (4 years old) is lying on the couch.
Grandpa comes in:
- You don't look very good, daughter, are you sick?
Son in response:
- Now he will finish painting and recover.

We bought grapes for Zhenya (2.5 years old). I treated my dad and mom. We say:
- Do you need to treat your grandmother?
- Come on, then she will eat the soup.

Mitya (4 years old): "Mom, is the president of the country like a director of a circus?"

Sasha (5 years old) climbs onto a bike and snaps his fingers on the steering wheel and sits motionless. Mama:

Sash, why are you sitting?

I'm waiting for it to warm up.

Cockroaches were poisoned in the apartment. Little Dasha (3.5 years old) runs and shouts heart-rendingly:
- Mom, mom, there's a cockroach in the kitchen! - Big or small? - Mom asks with interest.
-Mama, he is a young man!

Senya (4 years old) is asked:
- What do you want to become when you grow up?
- A bird!
- But why, Senya?
- And they can pick up from the ground and eat!

Mom, let's buy me a sister or a brother!
- No, sonny, they are very expensive.
- Yes? Well then, you'd better give it yourself, it's free!

Vasya (4 years old):
- Mom, give me a tangerine!
- And the magic word?
He (confused and questioningly):
- Abracadabra?

Roma (5 years old) asks his grandmother:
- Bab, I want a big drum! Buy it, eh!
- Rommie, the drum is too noisy. He will interfere with your dad's work ...
- Honestly, it won't! I'll wait for my dad to go to bed, and then I'll start knocking!

Grandfather gave Kostya (4 years old) a gift and is interested in:
-Do you even love me, granddaughter?
The granddaughter enthusiastically rustles the wrappers and nods:
-Yes.
- But as? Strong, strong?

Kostya gets distracted from the presentation and shakes his head:
- No, so I love my mother. And you, a little bit.

Petya (5 years old) watches his mother wash the window with his old cap:
- Mom, did I wear this when I was a girl?

After dinner, mom calls Katya (4 years old):
-Let's brush our teeth!
- And where then will we go with washed teeth?

Mom tries to dress Kiryusha (4 years old) for a walk, but the boy gets naughty and gets in the way. Unable to bear it, my mother says with irritation:
- Come on, get your hands off!
- Where am I going to take them? They are inserted into me!

Evelina (2.5 years old):
- Grandma, my soul hurts!
- And how does it hurt you?
- I hiccup!

Mama:
- Give you a sausage or sausage?
- Sausage. I overloved sausages for sausage.
And I liked the soup for porridge. And the porridge is already for candy.

Kostya (4 years old):
- Dad, I don’t want to wash my hands, I don’t want to.
- Child, there is such a word "must!"
Kostya (almost without a pause):
- Dad, there is such a word "don't!"

Andrey is 2.5 years old. Before the New Year, my mother prepared a whole bowl of "Olivier" and stands over it, bending her fingers:
- So-a-ak, I put the sausage in the salad, cut the potatoes, peas ...
Andrey (quietly):
- And I poured the compote there ...

Anfisa (4 years old) dreams:
I want to be a bee!
- And why?
- To sleep in winter and eat for free in summer ...

Danya (5 years old) is eating a cutlet.

Mom, is this cow cutlet?

Yes, this meat is called beef.

Why are you doing that? Maybe she was not greedy.

"Where are you dressing?" - they ask strictly from the screen.

"Where, where ... In the corridor!" - Sonechka sighs skeptically.

Educators who hate children, lay down your arms and go out to the square to build - the country is suffocating without trainers. (M. Zhvanetsky)

To educate does not mean to say good words to children, to instruct and edify them, but first of all to live like a human being. Whoever wants to fulfill his duty to children must start screaming from himself.

In educating others, we educate ourselves first of all.

Those who shouldn't have children are their parents.

Everything in this world is balanced. Perhaps others are doing better than ours, but their children are much worse.

All the children of the world cry in the same language

Everything superfluous to children (N. Fomenko)

It is much easier to become a father than to remain one.

There are as many humanisms in the world as there are murderers. And each

Even the devil in his own hell would like to have polite and obedient angels.

Even the devil in his own hell would like to have polite and obedient angels.

Even the most dull room will be revived by the most ordinary children, neatly placed in the corners.

Let childhood mature in children.

Jackpot Deodorant: Might Protect You, But Made For Jack!

Children are the living flowers of the earth.

Children are not a luxury, but a means of transportation in old age.

Children are the flowers of life. Give flowers to girls!

Children are the flowers of life. And they need pots too.

Children are flowers of life ... Hey, weed, get out of here

Children are worries, difficulties, screaming, noise, mess. But when you approach them asleep, you straighten the blanket, kiss on the nose, cheeks, and you realize that this is the greatest happiness in life!

Children are our tomorrow's judges.

Children are our living hope, as often as all other hopes that deceive us.

The children of the Weismannists are like their parents, the children of the Lysenkoites are like the environment (M. Zhvanetsky)

Children listen most attentively when they are not talking to them.

Children share grief with their parents, joy with their peers.

Children and courtiers are much less likely to make mistakes than parents and monarchs.

Children do not suffer from unrequited love, they come up to the kid they like, kiss on the cheek and say: "let's be friends."

Children are more moral, much more discerning than adults, and they, often not showing or even realizing it, see not only the shortcomings of their parents, but also the worst of all shortcomings - the hypocrisy of their parents, and lose respect for them.

Children of fathers are always older than their parents: the age of fathers is added to their age.

Children shame us when they behave in public the way we behave at home.

Children are a strict assessment given to parents by Life itself.

Children's wisdom: if mom laughs at dad's jokes, then there are guests in the house

Children's charm lies in the fact that with each child everything is renewed and the world appears anew before the human judgment.

The greatest respect should be given to childhood.

Children and parents sometimes need years to meet face to face.

It's a shame that from tomboy decent and useful people to society grow up no less often than from obedient children. (M. Twain)

One child is enough to fill the whole house and yard. (M. Twain)

others are so nimble that you really cry.

A devil brat is a child who behaves like your own, but was born into a neighbor's family.

The only merit of my children is that everyone has their own mother (M. Zhvanetsky)

If only parents could imagine how annoying they are to their children!

If you yield to the child, he will become your master; and in order to force him to obey, you will have to negotiate with him every minute.

If parents and teachers value the goal and guide the younger generation towards it, then they become partners for children, moving forward and developing with them.

Life is a boomerang. In old age, we will receive as much attention and love from our children as we now give to our parents! And then don't be offended!

Toys are devices invented by adults so that children do not interfere with adults playing their games.

Toys are devices invented by adults so that children do not interfere with adults playing their games.

Ideal children appear perfect on the outside and are perfect on the inside.

Each child should be given his or her own yardstick, encouraged to take on his own responsibility, and rewarded with his own well-deserved praise. Effort, not success, deserves a reward.

By the time we realize that our parents were right, we already have our children who believe that we are wrong.

Every child is partly a genius, and every genius is partly a child.

Each son belongs to the category of those boys with whom his mother forbids him to play.

Every person on earth dreams of this - to feel the warmth of the palm of his baby ...

What a wonderful child you have! Is this a cute boy or an ugly girl? (M. Zhvanetsky)

When the baby is at home, the mother's neck hurts; and when he is on the street her heart hurts.

When I was fourteen, my father was so stupid that I could hardly bear him. When I turned twenty-one, I was amazed how the old man had grown wiser during these seven years! (M. Twain)

When our children call us retarded conservatives, we will be comforted that our grandchildren will avenge us.

When the child has grown up, it is time for the parents to learn to stand on their own two feet.

When there is no woman next to a man, he begins to do stupid things. When there is no man next to a woman, she begins to do nasty things.

It was once a good hotel, but I was a good boy too. (M. Twain)

When a man had a son, he became a father, if a daughter was born, then he became a daddy ...

Love your grandchildren - they will take revenge on the children!

It is curious: with each generation the children are getting worse, and the parents are getting better; from this it follows that more and more bad children grow up more and more good parents.

The boy explained with gestures that his name was Juan.

The boy explained with gestures that his name was Juan (N. Fomenko)

Mother's love is the most common and most understandable example of productive love; its very essence is care and responsibility.

Motherhood is the most difficult and rewarding job.

My son is meditating - after all, it's better than sitting back.

We shower children with gifts, but the most valuable gift for them is the joy of communication. (M. Twain)

We love our children too much and too little our parents.

Trust in yourself. There are two strong anchors in life - work and children. All other adversities can be tolerated.

You can't be cute. You will never bind anyone to yourself with any children.

A real woman has to cut down a tree, destroy a house and raise a daughter.

Our understanding of the world, at its very core, is a mold of our relationship with our parents.

Don't teach your father. And that's it!

An unbreakable toy is a toy that a child can use to break all his other toys.

No two children are alike - especially if one of them is yours.

No child can dishonor parents in the same way that a parent can dishonor a child.

Oh, what a thin girl! There is no meat at all, only bones. How am I going to educate her? I'll take my hand off! (F. Ranevskaya)

Father and mother, father and mother are the first two authorities on which the world is based for a child, that faith in life, in a person, in everything honest, kind and holy is based.

Fatherhood greatly simplifies and comprehends the life process, protects you from crazy and vulgar actions and steps, keeps you in balance. Because it's so simple: you need to work hard, be strong, decent, not completely self-centered and not be a complete selfish if you have children.

Dad, urgently bring penguins to Africa, I'm pouring in geography!

The first half of our life is poisoned by our parents, the second half by our children.

A child educator who does not remember his childhood is bad.

The correct upbringing of children is so that children see their parents as they really are.

The difference between adults and children is the cost of their toys.

The difference between adults and children lies in the cost of their toys (R. Frost)

Tell the children something to the end. And yet they will certainly ask: "And then, and why?". Children are the only brave philosophers.

A child is the only thing in the house that has to be washed by hand.

The child is the most effective weapon of female terror.

Your child needs your love most of all when he least deserves it.

My child is like his mother ... Yelling loudly, shrilly! But my eyes are guilty, they run ... (M. Zhvanetsky)

A child cannot live without laughter. If you have not taught him to laugh, joyfully surprised, sympathetic, wishing well, if you failed to make him a wise and kind smile, he will laugh viciously, his laugh will be a mockery.

A child is a rational creature, he knows well the needs, difficulties and obstacles of his life.

Parents are so simple devices that even children can operate them.

We get our parents when they are too old to correct their bad habits.

Parents: Something that kids wear out faster than shoes.

Be nicer with this boy: you are dealing with an extremely sensitive, easily excitable bastard.

The best part about kids is the process of making them.

I'll hand over my father. Inexpensive. Ask

Nastena (4.4 years old) goes to bed. While she was packing, I was talking quietly in the room with my husband. My daughter, after a short cry, turns to me - Mom, could you speak more quietly ... (pause) don't wake the poor child, I have to work tomorrow!

Mom, dad washed my hair. Now she shines. Mom, smell how it glitters. (Nastya is 4 years old)

About the strict skating teacher: "Mom, look what a strangely kind face she has today." (Veronica, 5 years old)

Veronica and her mother are going from the tree. They were stopped by a traffic cop for a minor violation and issued a fine. Veronica says: "Do not swear at mommy: take all the sweets from me, you will become kind-kind and you will not bother people with all sorts of nonsense." (Veronica, 5 years old)

Looking critically at the crowd of men, he says to a friend: "Look, but the princes are not here." (Veronica, 5 years old)

My daughter was 3 years old. Sadovskiy age, just learned to communicate in society, stand up for yourself. And then she gave it out once. We tell her a little bit:
I am Tili-tili, tea ...,
She - ... drank ...
I - they beat cups, three money each ...,
She - ... paid ...,
I - and who doesn't want to pay? Tom ...,
She - ... on the forehead !!! (in the original version "drive")

Mom, let me give birth to a brother?
- Eeee… .mmm…. Yes, yes…. Dad should be asked…
Immediately in tears - Mommy! Don't ask dad! I want a real brother, not a TOY! (Christina, 4.4)

At the age of up to 1.5 years, when the process of getting used to the pot is in full swing, Yana sometimes played with this object and put her toys on it, and groaned for persuasiveness. Once she planted a bear, and I imperceptibly planted a piece of banana for her. When she lifted the bear and saw that there was something in the pot, she frowned and looked at the bear for a long time, then into the pot, then again at the bear (this should have been seen). After that, the bear did not sit on the pot.

Masha is 6.5 years old
We teach Masha the song “A Christmas tree was born in the forest”.
"A coward - a gray hare under the Christmas tree galloped, sometimes a wolf, an angry wolf, jogging".
Masha says:
- He was a fool, this wolf.
- Why, Masha?
- I would sit under the Christmas tree - and Santa Claus would give him a gift ...

Masha 6 years 1 month
Masha's first day at sea. Sunbathes on the beach. Masha says:
- Mom, put me a swimsuit, I'll go play.
- Masha, it is wet, it will dry for a long time, you will go back in it, and in general, come on, while we are at sea, you will be naked on the beach - and you will tan better.
- Mom, well, he's new, but the priest is already old.

Mom, where are our lungs, - asks little Lena.
- Right here, - mom points to the chest.
- Where are the tough ones? ..

What are you thinking so deeply about?
- Yes, I'm thinking about how I will grow up and have a wife.
- Well, what will happen then?
“That's what I’m thinking about.

Many seagulls fly on the seashore. Kolya asks:
- Mom, what are these birds?
- Seagulls.
- Does their husband have a kettle, or what? :-(

Misha, 3.5 years old:
Mom asks:
- Misha, what animals have needles?
- Dad and a hedgehog, - the son replies, apparently remembering his father's stubble

Sveta, 4 years old:
Somehow she lies on the couch, has become quiet, although she usually speaks incessantly. Mom asks:
- Why are you silent?
- Yes, I remember my youth, - looking at the ceiling, she says thoughtfully.

Christina, 3 years old.
My daughter Christina, walking down the street, jumps merrily into a puddle and suddenly notices that I am watching her from the window. She really doesn't want to leave the puddle, so she shouts in an anxious voice:
- Get away from the window, or you'll catch a cold!

Masha fantasizes about the poem "Telephone" by Korney Chukovsky.
- Who's talking?
- Camel.
- Where?
- From an elephant.
- What do you need?
- The boy.
- And he's wet.
- Wet?! Then don't.

Dad tells Masha what professions are.
- Some people bake bread at work; others treat children; still others -...
- They earn money, - prompts Masha.

Dad asks:
- Antosha, what is your last name?
- Fine

The son is 3 years old.
- Mom, if this is the beginning, then where did it end?

Senya: - Mom, when will the hairs on your hands grow?
Mom: - I don't want them to grow ...
Senya (with a grin):
- And dad grows up, do you think he wants to?

The grandmother dresses Sasha for a walk, and the girl interferes.
- Get your hands off now! - the grandmother can not stand it.
- But how can I remove them, they are attached to me? - Sasha is surprised.

Mom, darling, - the guilty Andryusha flies into the kitchen, - tell dad not to spank me. Better to educate him politely.

Ksyusha, 5 years old.
Goes out of the kindergarten with dad in the evening. Dad is in a hurry, Ksyusha is not very much. Dad: "Ksyusha, move your pantyhose!"
Ksyusha, after a pause: “How am I going to move them? They're under the pants ... "

Zhenya, 4 g:
Mom: "Shut up, both of you !!!"
Zhenya: “We are not BOTH. We are Zhenya and Anton. "

Vanya (2 years 4 months)
He watches dances on TV and says thoughtfully: "They are throwing their feet ..."

After eating, Alyosha (4 years old) went to the mirror, opened his mouth wide and looked at something in his mouth for a long time.
I ask: "Well, what are you looking at there?"
Alyosha (imperturbably): "I watch how my cheeks get fat ..."

Children say
The family is waiting for an addition. Lisa (5 years old) asks her mother:
- And what is your belly more and more?
- I ate a watermelon, swallowed a seed, now a new one is growing in my stomach
watermelon! - Mom answers.
Lisa narrows her eyes and rests her hands on her hips:
“Aren't you pregnant, my dear?

The son is 2 years 6 months old. I brought him to the children's hospital for vaccination.
We are sitting in the vaccination room, waiting for my aunt to load the syringe. Suddenly, he
turns to me and says:
- I'll wait for you in the car, okay ?!

In the summer, the son (4 years old) sits and takes a blade of grass in his mouth as if
smokes. Is talking:
- Mom, look, I smoke.
- Kolya, you can't smoke!
- Mom, I’m weed.

Coming back from the fireworks show. Cub (3 years 6 months) all 50
minutes of the show sat as if spellbound. It burst in the car.
He hugs me from the back seat by the neck:
- Mom, I'm so happy! Thank you for giving birth to me.

Kirill (2 years 1 month) saw on the street leaving the entrance
a man and without unnecessary greetings, addresses:
- Have you gone for a walk?
The man was taken aback:
- Yeah.
- Have you put on your hat?
- Yes.
- And put on your mittens. Coldly. Very cold.

In the garden, the teacher says:
- What to do? We have two Kolis.
Mine says:
- Call me Nikolay the first ...

Anton (6.5 years old) asks:
- Mom, I forgot, cows, sheep, chickens, geese - as in one word
are called? Bastard or bastards?

Daughter:
- Dad, when the renovation is over, how old will I be?

My younger sister once decided to call my father at work herself:
- Hello! Is this dad's job? Call dad!

We were walking with our son (2 years old) in the park and saw the twins. Seeing them and
Looking for a long time in surprise, he says:
- And where is my one ?!

Mama:
- Yes, Veronica, we probably spoiled you ... You will have to
punish!
- How is it - you spoiled, and punish me?

From relatives, the daughter has long begged for a brother or sister.
Mom explains to her:
- Well, understand, dear, dad is on the flight, he will not arrive soon, and without dad we cannot have a baby.
But the girl was quickly found:
- On the contrary, let's start it now, and dad will come, and we
let's say: "Surprise!"

I scolded my son (5 years old) for something. I sat down on the floor, took out the paper
pencils, and "pouting" me:
- Then I'll draw you fat!

A friend tried to teach her son to sleep in the nursery. I fell asleep with my parents
she took him to the nursery. About 15 minutes later it returns and again
to the parents in bed. His mother took him back to the nursery. He again
returned. For the third time she carries him to his "place", and through a dream he:
- Well, and how long are we going to run like that ?!

She took the youngest daughter to her work. She walked there, wandered, and entered
to the director's office. I sit and hear them talking about something, and
small proudly reports:
- And my mom can still grunt!

At our grandmother's dacha there is a simple toilet of the "hole in the floor" type.
When Anya had to use it, she asked to be held
hand. At the same time, she repeated all the time:
- Just hold me tight. You, after all, remember that I am yours
the world's favorite girl?

I watch the news, my son runs in and shouts:
- Oh, Medvedev!
I ask:
- Do you know who Medvedev is?
- Yes - Putin.

The wife went to the hospital to save. I stayed at home, son Svyatoslav (4
years) and son Yegor (2 years old). I can only cook pasta. So,
I cooked macaros for them, slightly salted it. The first came running Holy,
tried it. Without saying anything, he leaves the table. Goes to the nursery. V
at the door, he meets Yegor, who is going to eat, takes him by the hand, leads him into
nursery and says:
- Yegor, don't eat. You are my only brother so far ...
I had to invite my mother.

We went to the store and left the car under a tree. While we were walking
a flock of birds flew in and pretty much shit on the roof and hood. Had to
drive the car to the car wash and wash it to a state of cleanliness. After washing my
the son looked at the car and said:
- Well, the birds will look at the car and say: “Kakali,
shit and it's all in vain! "

The son at the zoo asks his father:
- Dad, and if a tiger breaks out of the cage and eats you, then on which
Should I go home on the bus?

Loew is 6 years old. We go with him to a neurologist. Lyovka is naughty - doctors
he was bored. I tell him:
- This doctor will not do anything to you, he will only talk.
- Is that all?
- Well, maybe he'll knock with a hammer, but it doesn't hurt.
We arrived, let's go. Doctor:
- Hello, Lyovushka!
- Hello! Well, where is your ax ?!