What are the causes of divorce and its consequences for a child? Have you ever encountered a divorce problem?

Different folded family life in people. Not all families are able to withstand the test for strength. Many family functions over time are violated, significant changes undergo psychological attitudes of spouses to preserve marriage, life plans are crumbling. Therefore, in some cases it is not only impossible, but also inappropriate to keep marriage as an alliance that does not bring satisfaction with partners. Often, the output in such a situation is one - divorce.

Divorce is a dissolution of marriage, that is, the legal cessation of his spouses.

Causes of divorce:

• 1) drunkenness and alcoholism of one of the spouses;
• 2) the nanity of characters and the absence of mutual understanding;
• 3) treason or suspicion of treason;
• 4) frequent quarrels;
• 5) the emergence of another family;
• 6) loss of sense of love;
• 7) physical incompatibility;
• 8) jealousy;
• 9) interference in family relationships of parents or other relatives;
• 10) the disease of one of the spouses;
• 11) fictitious marriage conclusion;
• 12) irresponsible attitude of spouses to family and family responsibilities;
• 13) forced separation of spouses;
• 14) the absence of children or the reluctance of one of their spouses.

Most of the children suffer from breaking and elevation of the family. They love both mom very much and dad. Sliding with one of the parents is very annoying and grieves them.

Parents divorce at a very early age leads to the fact that a woman has milk for feeding. And the child has severe stress from this. Young mom has to look for a job. In view of this, stress is complicated, since the baby loses his proximity to her mother. It disappears appetite and health worsen.

Older children can not understand the cause of the divorce. Why dad from the family went away, throwing my mother alone. The constant questions of the child about where he is and how to be not annoying the mother. The child becomes very disturbing, he is sad and crying, the dream is disturbing and troubled. Children cease to be sociable and begin to consider themselves very guilty in all of what happened. Boys are irritable and aggressive. They are trying to indiscriminate their anger on their surrounding their peers, get involved in street fights, thereby extending their aggression.

Every year, approximately 1300,000 marriages and 700,000 divorces are officially recorded in Russia. More than half of families disintegrated with hopes for new happiness, not assuming that the consequences of the divorce may be an insurmountable obstacle to it.

Statistics inexolim. Studying the topic, the specialists of the family of the family found out that marriages disintegrate because of:

• addiction, alcoholism and gymnia (41%);
• housing problems (26%);
• "Aid" Rodney (14%);
• infertility (8%);
• long separation (6%);
• imprisonment (2%)
• diseases of one of the family members (1%)

Psychological reasons

With each of these seven reasons you can cope. There are no people without flaws, as not life without problems. A person who has been prepared psychologically to family life, to the complete change of styling and habits, which understands that sometimes it is necessary for happiness to come with something, never retreat after the first failure.

The people's saying "With Milic Paradise and Chaolase" is valid only when there are three in the hood. The third is love.

Only real strong love can overcome all seven listed troubles. If she is not, or she is weak and immature, there is no strength to fight, it is tired of being tired, and the fantasy draws the rainbow paintings of the "after-breaking" happiness with another ... In this case, any psychologist is powerless.

Consequences divorce

Did not work out. You fell into the greater statistical half of families who are not lucky. Now you need to quickly slide all the wounds and start building a new happy life with the experience and correct conclusions. But for the successful treatment of RAS, it is necessary to know at least where they are and how deep.

For kids

It is no secret that children suffer most from divorces. They are unprepared for years to conflict souls can not calmly survive the collapse of their nests. Such a reliable, warm and habitual, it suddenly ceases to warm and falls apart for two halves.

If the kid is small, he does not understand it by the mind, he feels the instincts that Mowgli's life saves in a wild forest.

Many today hold dogs at home, considering their family members. Try to come out all the "packs" for a walk and suddenly divided, break. The husband will go to the right, and the wife is left. The unfortunate dog will rush between the owners, whine and demand reunification. This is an instinct of flocks. Together it is easier to survive!

The baby has the same instinct, only he does not whine, but crying. He will not understand how much you would not explain to him why his "flock" fell apart. He is scared. The sense of security will disappear that it was before.

It can also be compared with the boat. Imagine that you float in the boat around the sea. Suddenly the hole appears in the bottom, and the boat begins to sink! And you still do not know how to swim! Panic and huge stress. That's how your baby is so about it. This stress for the child may be less or more, but it will always be and remains a scar on a man's psyche.

If the child is already able to understand the logic of the parents, if he can explain in words and he will understand, explain! Just remember that he is still still small, so all the problems for him are twice as much and more than for an adult.

If you are able to convince the younger family member in the fact that the divorce is not scary, quite usually and even well, you risk raising a member of society, which will relate to the family easily and non-serious.

Do you want to marry your daughter five times? Want your son to throw one woman after another, not to pay for the alimony? Who wants this?! God forbid.

For spouses

He played the wedding march, spittered glasses, have long been disclosed boxes with gifts, counted and already spent bills from envelopes. Family life began. Half divorces happens just one year or two after the wedding. The expected happiness was not viable.

But there is another half. For years, two adults tried to live happily, they built their life, quarreled and put up. Or did not really try? Many families disintegrate when children have already grown. Or "the demon in the edge", or the link ran out of the family - the children scattered and flee their nests.

For men

Men are very conservative in their nature. They do not like change, especially if the initiators of the revolution are not them themselves.

If the wife filed a divorce, a man in 90 cases out of 100 will try to leave everything in its places. It will apologize, corrected, encoded and harrow the guilt (even if it does not feel). Only not a cardinal change!

Of course, after a short period of time, everything will return to its circles. The same sofa, TV, the same friends-alcoholics, the same fishing on weekends and the Internet at night. This will have to or put up, or divorced finally.

For a man, a divorce is a stress that is not less than for a child, it is not only frightening unknown, disturbed by social habitual standards, but also a big blow to pride.

The man is a public, very strongly dependent on the opinion of the crowd. How so?! He was thrown, and now friends will laugh at him, etc.

A man never divorces to nowhere. If he submits to a divorce, it means that he has an alternative, a "spare airfield", a mistress. Here in this case there will be no stress. Even the experiences will not wait for anyone, only the joy of liberation.

For women

The woman, on the contrary, more inquiring, in it at all times the spirit of the experimenter lives. It goes with two children from the drunkard of her husband on an apartment, it is she puts his spouse with things and his mistress, putting them in the bedroom. A woman, of course, is afraid to stay alone, but at the same time, she knows that he will not disappear. And it is true!

In a woman, as it is not paradoxically, a lot of vitality. It is laid by nature. Because she is responsible for the continuation of the kind, for their children.

For the sake of the daughter of Eve and in the burning hut, and the horse on the race, and already a pink addict kicks from his life and suppressed. Yes, then it will cry in the pillow, sorry, may take back. But alone will not disappear.

Divorce for a woman is a huge stress if you throw it. Especially if she loves. This is a broken heart, suicide attempts, disappointment in life and loss of interest. But ... also experiences, because the main thing for her is children.

Look around. How many lonely older women. All of them are decent, neatly, fashionably dressed, walking the dogs, nurse grandchildren. Not another woman disappeared after the divorce. Because by and large her happiness in children.

A man loves children too, but more through a woman. Therefore, they often disappear interest in their offspring after a divorce. And, as a result, the interest in life disappears. Conclusion: Children and men suffer from divorce.

For society

What is society? This is neither an ephemeral disgraced concept. It is just the same children, women and men. As far as they suffer, there are so many consequences and society itself. As far as its member is mentally injured, it is so negative for itself.

The divorced man is more susceptible to the risk of alcoholism, drug addiction, AIDS and injuries. This fact is also installed by omnipresent sociologists. Children in an incomplete family grow more often in individuals with an infallible injured psyche. They are also members of society.

Legal outcome of the decay of marriage

There are questions arising after a divorce that can only be solved with the help of Russian legislation.

These legal problems are stacked in a small, but very important list:

1. Question of child education. Who should remain a child. Which parents will come, and will be.
2. Alimonylevied with one of the parents.
3. Property issue. Section housing and other joint property.

Are there positive sides

Let's imagine that it is impossible to divorce. It was mistaken in youth, well, and fold all my life your stupidity with great grandmother. Corrects - WILL SELLS. Folk wisdom at that and wisdom to listen to her at least a little bit.

It never knows what will happen if everyone breaks and build a new world. It can be built even worse than it was. This has already happened in our history.

On the other hand, you will not compare - you will not evaluate. Until you try on yourself, you will not know if this outfit will go to you. And if you throw an old outfit, and the new one will not fit, naked or something to walk ....

This is how selfish and practical approaching family life, it is difficult to create a happy family. Maybe try just to love? Sincere love, you can turn the rubies into the passage and velvet.

It is impossible to prohibit divorce. It is needed at least in order to psychologically not dependent on the circumstances. Well, there must be a spare way out in case of fire!

Video: statistics and opinion

The family broke up, the former spouses experienced a painful period during a divorce and now, having received a testimony of the dissolution of marriage, and becoming completely strangers and free from each other, everyone should start a new life.

The disintegration of the family does not pass without a trace, he leaves a deep mental wound in the hearts of divorced, pain and insult, also affects the state of health, various diseases arise from stress, some serious diseases can even lead to death. After the divorce, as a rule, the property is occurring, and often it happens in court, with a scandal, housing conditions deteriorate, as the need arises in the apartment section, material problems arise, problems in communicating with children.

Consequences divorce for women

Every woman is experiencing a divorce in his own way, but for every woman it is a big stress, because it does not matter why a family collapsed, a woman feels abandoned, abandoned, no one needed. If a woman loved her husband and believed that they had a strong family, and the divorce became a surprise and great shock, then the experiences could be deeper, protracted, a woman can fall into depression, her thoughts arise: "How to live on and whether to live ? " If a woman has some mental disorders, then on the basis of the divorce, there may be thoughts about suicide. At this time, sensitivity and help of relatives and loved ones are very important, they must treat the problem of women with understanding, to protect and encourage her in every way.

Often, after the divorce, a lonely woman loses ties with her husband's friends, and sometimes with married friends, as his girlfriends see it a threat to her marriage, can perceive like a rival. Yes, and the most divergent is most often refused to join the families with families, because one is shy to appear. Of course, in most cases, girlfriends and acquaintances try to somehow support their unhappy girlfriend, trying to introduce her to someone from their familiar free men to brighten her loneliness.

The hardest divorce is experiencing women who lived in marriage for many years if the husband suddenly leaves the family to a young rival. The woman remains alone, well, if adult children support their mother, help her, and if she has grandchildren, they cast her loneliness. But it often happens that adult children live their families in the distance or do not consider it necessary to communicate with their abandoned mother.
If there are children in the family, as a rule, after the divorce, they remain with mom. In an incomplete family, material difficulties often arise, family income and mother are reduced to look for another job, more highly paid or get to the second job, to ensure their children with everything necessary, while mom is tired more and less paying attention to its children. Often exhausted by difficulties, work, devastated morally, offended by his ex-husband, a woman sets up children against his father, exposing him to the traitor and a scoundrel.

Often after the divorce, a young mother with a little child returns to the parent family. If the family is prosperous and parents love and in every way support their daughter and her baby, help her in the upbringing of the child, the bitterness of the divorce decreases and the woman is easier to experience the tragedy. But it happens that parents spend the daughter that he could not protect his family from the divorce, which was alone with a child in her arms, without work, and they now have to feed her and her child. A woman experiences pain not only from the betrayal of the former husband, and even greater pain from the fact that she with her child is a burden for the family of his parents.

When the cause of the divorce is alcoholism or drug addiction, the woman itself decides to get rid of such a marriage. Often, a woman remains bitterness from the fact that her former husband, a loved one, who has ever made her and children on a bottle, lost himself as a person. But awareness of the fact that he will never begone her soul to his drunkenness, will never raise his hand to her anymore, there will be no nerves on children - gives a woman's strength and positive attitude to overcoming all the difficulties that will be present in her incomplete family .

Women are harder to worry a divorce than men, women have less chances to create a new family, since children remain with her mother.

Consequences divorce for men

A divorce for a man, as well as for a woman - is a big stress, gives offell and pain, experiences and also leaves a deep wound on the heart. A divorced woman with children is made to regret, justify and provide support, and a man is to condemn that he threw it with children, be accused of betrayal.
A man is the same living person, like a woman, he has the same heart that hurts from the collapse of the family, from parting with his favorite children, from betraying his beloved wife.

Often, after a divorce, a man to cope with the stressful situation, with depression begins to get involved in strong alcoholic beverages. It seems to him that you can drown out your mountain, but the more he drinks, the faster his depressive state worsens. If the man does not come to his senses on time, he will not take himself in his hands, then he has many problems not only with health, but also with work.

A man, like a woman, is a desire to have their own cozy house, where they are always waiting for loving households. And after the divorce, he, most often, is forced to leave the family, and hence the housing. The man needs to live somewhere, well, if it goes into the parent family, where will find an understanding and support of relatives.

If you have to remove housing, then financial and economic problems often occur. After all, most husbands are not adapted for home affairs, all family affairs carried out a spouse. And she prepared food, and washed, and stroking linen, and soap dishes and cleaned the apartment. And now the Will-Neils have to do everything yourself. He is inhibited by the unusability of life, the inability to prepare a normal food, he is forced to eat incorrectly, which leads to a deterioration of health.

If there was a former husband, the initiator of the divorce, and the cause of the divorce is a new family, then he managed to avoid housing problems. But often there are other problems, a man is disappointed in a new wife, constantly compares it with a former - and it is not so tasty, as his ex-wife, he realizes that the divorce was a mistake, and the first wife is much better than new.

Many men who have gained long-awaited freedom, can not always quickly find new love. They have difficulty communicating with women, as many women, having learned that the man has just been divorced, they do not always go to contact him. A woman suspects that it is not quite a decent man in front of her, since his wife kicked him out, it means that he or a walking, or a nicheless or irresponsible, if left his wife with children.

Often on the nervous soil from the divorce, from the insult that the former wife left him, chose another man or decided: "What is better to live one thing than with anyone" a man can have a decrease in sexual attraction.

If a man has children whom he loves himself, he misses without them - separation from children inhibits him, he often feels like a traitor towards children. And if there is also a former wife, sets children against the father, prevents him in communicating with children or does not give him away from children, a man suffers, he hurts him, he is forced to worry and hide his pain, because men are not accepted to share their feelings with others. A woman can cry out his friends, relatives and she will become easier, and a man pouring tears is not accepted and he is all negative emotions, keeps all the grief in himself.

It happens that after the divorce, children stay with dad, and Mom leaves the family, a man has to replace the mother to children, cares about them, cook food, perform all the functions that had previously performed a former wife, to educate children. A woman who raising children alone is very difficult, and the man is still difficult, because for a woman household goods - the usual and everyday case, and the man needs to learn, not only to cook, wash, but also to care for children, bring up them. And from the thought that the wife threw not only him, and also children, that she was not only a bad wife, but also a disgusting mother - the pain in the soul of men will be present for many years.

Consequences divorce for children

Most of all children suffer from the divorce of parents. After all, they are equally loved and dad and mom, and separation with one of the parents grieves the child.

If the child is completely small and is on breastfeeding, and mom during the divorce milk lost, then the child receives not only psychological stress, but also the process of breastfeeding and the baby does not receive the necessary food for its development. If a young mother has to look for work, and crumb to transfer to their parents to raise his parents, the gap with the mother can bring the child to depression, it disappears the appetite, the well-being deteriorates.

Older children also experience stress from parental divorce. The child is hard to understand why dad went out of the family, and mom is crying all the time and when the child asks: "And where is my dad?", Mom is angry and calls the dad with bad words, says the child, "that Dad threw them and no longer loves." The child becomes scary: And what if mom leaves him, fade away, he becomes a capricious, does not want to part with her mother, one is afraid to remain alone. He is often sad, crying, his sleep becomes anxious, intermittent.

Some children become closed, many consider themselves to blame for the fact that parents parted, become thoughtful, silent, do not want to communicate and play with the peers.

The boys often become irritable and more aggressive, all their anger and angry are driving on peers, get involved in fights, felt, start smoking and drink alcoholic beverages. If the mother scolds his son for bad behavior, for the impossibility in school, the son threatens the departure from the house, and sometimes makes escape from the house, Grubits Mom, becomes unmanageable. After the divorce, many boys do not want to communicate with her father, try to pull out meetings in every way, and meeting, do not want to talk or rude, behave defiantly.

Girls become more distinguished, crying, often fall into sadness. To attract attention to yourself complain of headaches or pain in the heart, in the stomach. Mom should not leave the complaints without attention, a visit to the clinic is simply necessary, since various diseases may occur against the background of stress. Mom needs to try in this period to be more gentle and affectionate with his daughter, do not tune the daughter against the father, do not say: "Your father is a scoundrel and scoundrel, he threw us", since the girl can have a negative attitude towards men. Having matured, she will perceive men as evil, will experience difficulties in relationships with the opposite sex, which may adversely affect the female destiny and personal life.

With the divorce of his parents, the child suffers very much, worried, it is scary, since his ideas about life collapse, often he feels guilty that parents parted. He equally loves both mom and dad, and separation from dad acts in oppressing.

What do you need to do to facilitate the suffering of the child?

First of all, you need to try to keep that life line, which was in the family before the divorce, keep all the family habits, traditions. No need to translate a child to a new school or another kindergarten, because the new unusual situation and strangers can cause him even greater stress and experiences.

The child should continue to communicate not only with the dad, but also with her grandparents, grandfather and other family relatives, they should also take part in the upbringing of the child.

Despite pain and insult, for the sake of peace and well-being of their child, divorced parents must try to find a common language with each other and to behave calmly and restrained, without reproaches and irritation.

No need to deceive the child, saying that Dad went on a business trip, it is better to frankly say that dad will no longer live with us. Try to calm down and convince the child in that dad loves him, and will always love and just as before will communicate with him.

Take your child in this difficult period more attention, caress, love, do not leave it one with your experiences, try more often, go to the zoo, in the cinema, watch the cartoons together or read your favorite books, so you and your child will be easier to survive divorce .

Take care of your family from the divorce and let your children grow in a happy and full family!

Difficulties that are waiting for spouses due to divorce, are very dependent on the age of children. If children are still small (not older than two or three years old), the past life may not have such a strong influence on them as it has on older. Children at the age of 3.5-6 years endile the divorce of parents is very traumatic, they are not able to understand everything that is happening and often accused of themselves. The child is 6--10 years old, whose parents divorced, may experience anger to them, aggression and long-not passing offense. In 10--11 years, children often have a reaction of abandonment and total malice to the whole world. If children are already adults, the divorce on them may not affect, they may not particularly interest them at all.

Children from divorced families are on average worse adapt to new conditions than children from normal families. An important factors of the decline in adaptability are the intensity and duration of disagreements, quarrels and conflicts between parents, whose witnesses were a child, and especially the child's setting in one of the parents against the other. Such a setting is directly or indirectly affected by the child and is aimed primarily to humiliate in his eyes the dignity of one of the parents. The adaptability of the child decreases in proportion to the duration of the period during which he lives in such a destructive family. Worst of all, children remained with their parents after a divorce with their collaborated apartment were adapted. The most effective factor that reduces the influence of unfavorable conditions is the strong emotional relationship between the child and some members of the family, which serves as a strong support.

The results of many studies show a clear negative impact of divorce, but do not give an unequivocal answer to the question: what is better for the development of a child a divorce or further life in the family with parents located in a permanent and deep conflict. The results of such studies suggest that conflict relations in the family have more negative impact on the development of children than a calm, stable life with one of the parents with whom the child has a positive emotional connection. On the other hand, some researchers emphasize that the loss of the father as a person who represents the identification model for the Son a male role, and for the daughter, a complimentary model is adversely manifested in some adaptive difficulties in adolescence and later in its own marriage and psychosexual development. In view of which conflict, but a complete family can be the best option than a family only with one parent. The solution of this very controversial issue, among other things, according to S. Kratakhvil, depends on the intensity and duration of the family conflict, on the degree and nature of the pathology of the personality of one of the parents, as well as from the confusion of a child against one of the parents.

It is important that the children understand that people are different and, entering into relations with each other, they sometimes cannot agree. But this does not mean that people are bad. And by themselves these problems do not spoil relationships.

The child must repeatedly make sure that both parents are still loved. It is necessary to keep for children the opportunity to feel like a person and create conditions under which mutual trust and love can develop.

If both divorced parents are mature, wise and tolerant people, they can consider everything together in such a way that their children won, and did not lose. In numerous discussions on this occasion, it was found that an equal contribution of divorced parents in the education of the child is favorable for him. Children need firstly loving parents. One kid so expressed this need: "Why a person has two hands? To keep one's mom, and the other for dad. " Briefly, but very excco.

Life in an incomplete family inevitably imposes a press on the formation of the child's personality. Children growing without a father are more likely to categories "difficult." Among them, more lagging behind in studies, conflicting with teachers and comrades who commit an offense.

According to the majority of foreign and domestic psychologists, the formation of an emotionally healthy child depends on the mutual communication of the child with both parents. 90% of children of diluted parents, having learned about the divorce, were experiencing a short-term shock with a feeling of pain and a varying fear. According to American researchers, 50% of fathers stop visiting their children three years after the divorce. About half of children feel twisted and abandoned. When asked when they felt more accidents - 5 years after the divorce or after 1.5 years, 37% of children answered: 5 years later.

It is known that devoid of sufficient communication with their father, boys or assimilate the "female" type of behavior, or create a distorted idea of \u200b\u200bmale behavior and do not perceive all that he is trying to instill their mother. The boys grown without fathers turn out to be less mature and purposeful, do not feel in sufficient security, less initiative and balanced, they are harder to sympathize with their behavior. It is much more difficult for them to fulfill their father's duties.

Girls brought up without fathers, less successfully form an idea of \u200b\u200bmasculinity, in the future they have less chances to correctly understand their husbands and sons, to play the role of his wife and mother. Father's love for daughter is very important for the development of her self-consciousness, self-confidence, the formation of his image of femininity.

The situation of divorce in the family causes great harm to the psychic health of the child. Parents cannot become strangers for him if they themselves do not want it. Especially sharply worried about the care of the father 5--7 - summer children, primarily the boys. The girls are acutely experiencing separation from the father aged 2 to 5 years, during the period of intensive emotional development.

The consequences of the divorce of parents may adversely affect the entire subsequent child's life. The "Battle" of parents in the radiation and the post-injection period leads to the fact that 37.7% of children decreases performance, in 19.6% suffering from the discipline of the house, 17.4% require special attention, 8.7% run out of the house, 6, 5% conflict with friends. According to physicians, every fifth patient neurosis, the child survived the separation of separation from his father as a child. And as noted by A.G. Harchev, in families after a divorce, a specific system of relationships between mother and child is created, samples of behavior are formed, which are in some respects an alternative to the standards and values \u200b\u200bon which the Institute of Marriage is based.

Usually, the child perceives the situation of the collapse of the family so that this is exactly from him one of the parents. In some cases, especially in adolescence, the child (boy or girl) speaks of the betrayal of the parent who left the family. In the subconscious sphere of the psyche, the attitude towards himself is formed, as a person who is thrown that it may later be manifested in the uncertainty and understated self-esteem of the child. Moreover, he begins to perceive the relationship between people as unstable, unreliable, which can always collapse at any time. Such child experiences do not disappear and then when parents seek to preserve friendly and friendly relations.

At the same time, some psychologists believe that sometimes divorce can be regarded as well, if it changes to the best condition for the formation of the child's personality, puts an end to the negative effect on his psyche of married conflicts and discord. But in most cases, parting parents has a traumatic influence on the child. Moreover, a large psychological trauma causes not so much divorce as much as the situation in the family preceding the divorce.

Parents must be borne in mind that regardless of their relationship divorce for a child is the strongest shock, the consequences of which can manifest themselves immediately or much later, in adolescent or youthful age. When divorced, the child's age, consciousness and aging of adults play a major role. In the interest of a very small child, the divorce of spouses must pass as calm and faster. But even calmer the divorce must pass between spouses having children in adolescence. A child in this transitional period of its development is excessively sensitive, it is easy to give in to various influences, very impressionable, quickly responds to joyful or sorting events.

After the divorce, the most difficult time comes from the parent, who remained with the child. He must again conquer the complete confidence of the child, which was certainly shaken during the divorce. It is easier to happen in those families from which a person is leaving for a child the source of inconvenience and suffering: father - drunkard, Drachun, Grubian or Mother, who did not care about his children at all. In any other case, the position of the parent, with whom the child remains is not definitely.

Frequent phenomenon during divorces - "bribing" a child with both parents. The one and the other side of the wrong side try to show love to the child, to sink by his gifts to relocate to their side or demonstrate to the surrounding measure of their senses to the child. In the first moments, the child perceives these manifestations as very desired and pleasant. However, very soon the situation for him is clarified and he begins to use it for its own purposes: becomes a borehole, tricky, says when it is necessary, only flattering words, and exactly what you need to hear a particular side. Parents must understand and take into account the psychology of children.

For a preschooler child, the divorce of parents is breaking a sustainable family structure, familiar relations with parents, the conflict between attachment to the Father and to the mother.

Children of 2.5-3.5 years react to the collapse of the family weeping, sleep disorder, increased gugness, decrease in cognitive processes, regress in tidy, addiction to their own things and toys. They painfully part with their mother with great difficulty.

Children of 3.5-4.5 years have discovered increased angiveness, aggressiveness, experience of the feeling of loss, anxiety. Extraverats are made closed and silent. Part of the children has regression of gaming forms. For children of this group, the manifestation of guilt for the disintegration of the family is characteristic. Many develop sustainable self-evidence. Emotionally sensitive children are distinguished by fantasy poverty, a sharp decrease in self-esteem, depressive states. The boys of this age disintegration of the family are experiencing more dramatic and sharply than girls. Such is explained by the fact that the boys have a breakdown of identification with the father in the period when the intensive absorption of the stereotypes of male role behavior begins. In girls Identification during the period of divorce changes depending on the nature of the experience of the mother. Often, girls are identified with the pathological features of the identity of the mother.

In children 5-6 years, as well as in the middle group, an increase in aggression and anxiety, irritability, restlessness, alentability is observed. Children of this age group quite clearly represent what changes in their life is divorced. They are able to tell about their experiences, longing for his father, desire to restore the family. Children do not have pronounced delays in the development or reduction of self-esteem.

Senior Preschool Girls are experiencing a disintegration of a family stronger than boys: toggave on his father, dream of marriage mother with him, come to the state of extreme excitement in his presence. The most vulnerable children of 5-6 years are distinguished by a sharp sense of loss: they cannot talk and think about divorce, they have a dream and appetite.

A mental injury caused by a child's divorce can manifest itself in adolescence. Teens are especially hard to experience the transition to life in an incomplete family.

Sometimes adolescents completely deny love only because of the divorce of the parents. Fearing the fragility of this feeling, they can avoid close relationships and obligations, their connection with people is very superficial, they fear to risk, preferring large companies intimate communication. Some adolescents enter into stable and secure relationships in the emotional plan.

By the end of the teenage - the beginning of youthfully, the depressive neurotic symptoms of the reduced mood background, feelings of depression and hopelessness, disbelief in their strengths and opportunities, painful experiences about the apparent failures, problems of communicating with peers, disappointments in love and recognition.

The older the child is, the stronger the signs of the floor manifest themselves and the more seriously there may be violations of behavior that are noteworthy not only in the family, but also outside it. It may be an expression of aggression at school, on the street, unexpected tears, conflicts, scattered attention, etc. But most often the means of studying family stresses for girls are health violations, and for boys - asocial forms of behavior.

The most vulnerable to the breakdown of the family is the only child. Those who have brothers and sisters are much easier to worry a divorce: children in such situations dump aggression or anxiety on each other, which significantly reduces emotional stress and less often leads to nervous breakdowns.

The formation of the child's personality is even more complicated if he witnessed or a participant in all family conflicts and scandals, which led his parents to the divorce. Thus, the child, on the one hand, is subject to social discrimination associated with the lack of a father, and on the other - it continues to love both his parents, retains attachment to his father with a hostile attitude of the mother to him. From fear to upset his mother, he is forced to hide his attachment to his father, and it suffers even more than from the collapse of the family.

Even more difficult, the process of social adaptation occurs at those children whose parents after the divorce are persistently trying to "arrange" their destiny, forgetting about the feelings and affections of the child. For example, in the mother's family with whom the child lives, new applicants for the role of her husband and father are often appearing. Some of them settle in the apartment, rebuild their family life on their own way, require a child a certain attitude towards themselves, and then leave. Their place is occupied by others, and everything starts first. The child is abandoned. He feels no one who needs anyone. In such conditions, the formation of the personality of the man demonstrator is not excluded, for which there is neither ethical, nor moral rules in relations with other people. It is in childhood that either the initial trusting attitude towards peace and people, or the expectation of unpleasant experiences, threats from the outside world and other people.

If for parents, the divorce is often a natural consequence of violation of family relations, then for children it is most often a surprise leading to a protracted stress.

Position: Pedagogian psychologist

Organization: MBDOU Kindergarten of the Outressive Type No. 25 "Mishutka"

Locality: Murmansk region. Kovdor

Consultation for parents.

Consequences divorce for a child.

Divorce is always a surprise, and few represents the real consequences of this event, but, as well as almost everything in the world, you can learn to part civilized.

Parents' divorce is always an injury for a child. No matter how many years have passed, even adults call the parents' divorce by one of the greatest memories of childhood. This is the reality to which you need to be ready and change that it is impossible. But you can soften it, to make a sad feeling.

We must not forget that the divorce is carried out in order to make it better. In the name of the well-being of the child at all stages of the divorce, you need to remember three goals:

1. To ensure that your family remains and staying family.

2. Minimize negative consequences for children.

3. Take a divorce as an integral partgenesis.

For a kid up to three years, it is more important for everyone in the light of his mother, so it is undesirable to give a child to Nurseri until they achieve full two years, no matter how difficult it is necessary. Too early "Cordless" may not have a favorable to affect the neuropsychic state of the baby, who is not yet ready to break away from the mother. Fear of separation may have somatic manifestations, then the child often will complain about headache or on a bolt in the stomach. Cough attacks can appear, especially at night. Speaking of children from the year to three, do not forget that the most common fears of this age are the fear of insufficient love of parents and the fear of loneliness. These fears are noticeably exacerbated with a conflict setting in the family, at the birth of the second child and especially when divorced.

If you divide when your baby has not yet turned three years old, try to be very attentive to the child. If he becomes free or involuntary conflict deer between dad and mom (it doesn't matter that the child is in another room, - after all, it's not deaf!), Then you have to deal with a whole "bouquet" of children's fears or children's neurosis. Naturally, at this age, the mother's care is harder, but whoever leaves the family, the child will still feel unprotected. In the same period, such important mental functions are developing as perception, thinking, memory and attention. All that children perceive, causes them vivid emotional reactions, and parents, including. Of course, it's good if dad and mom cause joyful emotions from a child if they both shine for him with sunlight. But, when parents are bred, part of the shine disappears, and the world for the baby becomes darker and sadder. Therefore, dear parents, try after the divorce put on the first place not yourself and your experiences, and the mental health of your baby!

Children in 2-3 years react to the separation of parents by crying, sleep disorder, increased nutrition, a decrease in cognitive processes, lack of tidiness, attaching to their things and toys. Level these manifestations can be created by the necessary physical care and care.

After three years, children who were in a divorce situation may experience anxiety, a sense of loss, aggressiveness, increased alertness, sociable children are closed. Many consider themselves the reason for the divorce of parents, which can lead to a sustainable sense of self-evidence, a decrease in self-assessment, depressive states. The gap of a boy with his father leads to a violation of the assimilation of the stereotypes of male behavior.

In 5-6 years, children are clearly represented as the divorce of parents can affect their subsequent life. Girls in this period are experiencing stronger than boys, wish to return the father, jeep, looking for attention. The presence of brothers, sisters softens the situation, children remove emotional tension in cooperation with each other.

The older child, the stronger the differences in reactions and the more serious there may be a violation in behavior. To minimize these influences, parents need to build a proper line of behavior with a child. The first thing that will have to do is honestly and openly talk to the child, let him know him about divorce. Let him understand that Mom and Dad love him as much as before and always be near that he was in no way the cause of the divorce. The child loves both parents equally much, so you can not put it before choosing with whom he can stay. None of the parents have the right to deprive his attention of another and limit communication with him. At the child it is worth avoiding the stormy clarification of relations and conflicts. It is important to direct all efforts to preserve the usual lifestyle of the child as much as this allows the situation. Parents should not be treated by a sense of guilt for the destroyed family, because all these experiences are transmitted to the child. Happy parents - happy kids!

In most cases, adaptation to the new situation associated with the divorce of parents and the formation of a new family is completed in approximately 2 years. By this time, most children and parents adapt to the new situation and begin to lead a normal life, although traces of the divorce can appear again during adolescence or adolescence. Nevertheless, the problems associated with the divorce exist, they can serve as a serious interference with the social and emotional development of the child.

To make a child after divorce comfortable:

• - Provide a baby enough to communicate. Go to visit with him, invite friends to yourself. In no case do not close in my Mirka!
• - Ideal if your parents can spend a lot of time with the baby. In this case, he feels that he loves not only mom, but also grandmother with grandfather. And aunt. And even the sun is smiling personally for him.
• "So that the child" examines ", keep a smooth tone in dealing with it and constant goodwill. Let the kid be sure that he and his actions for you are different things.

Rules of safe divorce:

• - Be sure to explain on an affordable child level that such a divorce and why the people closest to him decided to part;
• share your difficulties with your difficulties, ask to help you and maintain and promise help themselves and support;
• learn to cope with your own mood swings and help your child to cope with your own experiences. There is nothing reprehensible to climb together: tears give relief and bring together;
• - Communicate with the child as with the closest and native person. Let him know that he is more expensive for you all the treasures of the world;
• - Frequently, find the reason to praise the child, mark it to achieve it and do not sharpen attention to failures;
• - All forces support confidence in the child and an optimistic look for the future.

Three "Never" Which will help you communicate with the child:

• Never say the child that he will become the same as his father - drunkard, Zabuldigoy, a worthless person, as a mother, irresponsible and aggressive.
• Never say the child that he inherited from his father (or mother) all the worst qualities and character traits.
• Never frighten the child that if he behalf badly, you will send him to live to the Father (or Mother).

In order to better understand your own thoughts and feelings, hear the voice of your own child and not to attach him his own fears, offended and alarms, try to do the following

We are not given to predict how the divorce is called for the future of the child. But in our power to soften the consequences and direct the development of the child into a positive channel. And then he will grow happy, despite the divorce, or even thanks to him!

Used Books:

1. How to build bridges, not the walls. Book for children of nonideal parents. / I.Y.mlodik.- M.: Sufller; Rostov N / D: Phoenix, 2013-79 p.

2.Artova-Bochamber S.K. and others. Child in carousel divorce / S.K. Nartova-Bocham, M.I. Nesmeyanova, N.V. Malirov, E.A. Mahorhortova

M.: Drop, 2001. - 192 p.