What is real friendship? Why do people need friends

What is friendship and who are called friends

Serious dictionaries define friendship as a close relationship based on affection, mutual trust, sincerity, and common interests. Many psychologists believe that friendship is not possible without love, because the relationship between best friends resembles the relationship of a loving couple, if you exclude romance and. You can also say that true friends communicate almost like brothers and sisters in a good family, and in a relationship for them the personality of a friend is more important than the benefits that can be obtained from communication.

Based on this definition of friendship, it is safe to say that very few people can really have 100 or at least 10 real friends - to trust, love, share interests and hobbies and take an active part in the lives of many people at once is quite difficult. Therefore, most people have 1-2-3 close friends, and the rest of the environment is divided into friends and just acquaintances. And this is normal, because if you can call almost everyone with whom you can drink coffee after work, then this is not enough for friendship.

Each person determines for himself the difference between friendly relations and friendship, but still most people agree that the differences between these two types of relationships are precisely in the "depth" of trust and affection. And the easiest way to show the difference between a friend and a friend is with simple real-life examples:

• you can discuss the latest news and gossip with a friend, but only a friend will you tell your innermost thoughts and experiences;
• a friend knows where you work, rest and live, and a friend - what you love, what you are worried about and;
• you meet with a friend when it is convenient for both of you, and at his request you will go to a friend even at 3 o'clock in the morning;
• if a friend has a problem, you will most likely support him in words or provide some assistance, and for a friend, in the same case, you will do everything in your power to fix his problem;
• starting some important business with a friend, you prefer to "play it safe" just in case, and you completely trust your friend;
• you can quarrel with a friend even because of a difference of opinion, and you are ready to forgive a friend a fundamentally different point of view on this or that issue, and many of its shortcomings.

It is important to note that the line between friendship and friendship is rather unsteady, and the strongest friendships begin with friendships. However, the opposite is also possible - due to various life circumstances, even the best friends can move away from each other and remain just friends or even completely stop communicating.

Why does a person need friends

Despite the fact that there are "loners" people who believe that real friendship does not exist, and people in any relationship are looking for benefits, yet most of us are absolutely sure that everyone needs friends. But why they are needed - not everyone can answer. Therefore, psychologists studied this issue and identified 5 main reasons due to which a person seeks and maintain a close relationship with them:

It is unlikely that many people thought about why they need a friend. Because almost all of us have it. Nevertheless, the topic of friendship is of particular interest from a psychological point of view. Therefore, this question is still worth puzzling.

general information

Why do you need a friend? At least in order to satisfy the natural need of another person to communicate. When people come into contact with each other, then interpersonal relationships arise, during which the personal qualities of both one and the other opponent are manifested. And it is they who develop in people this or that attitude towards each other. The qualities may vary. Both uniting, bringing together, and repulsive. Their manifestation helps to understand whether communication with this person is promising or not.

The psychology of friendship was associated by scientists with attraction. This is a concept that defines the attraction of one person to another. Attraction includes a lot of aspects. The needs of a person, for example, which induce him to choose a certain partner for friendship. Its qualities, again. Belonging to the same social circle. Understanding the needs and feelings of the other - that is, the ability to feel the world of the partner's experiences. And even the property of a psychotherapist.

Rosalyn Diamond has a great phrase on this topic. She concerns empathy (conscious experience for another person): “This is an imaginary transfer of oneself into the feelings, emotions, actions and thoughts of the opponent. And the ability to structure the world according to his model. " A person capable of this is a friend in the modern sense.

The moral support

And now you can move from psychological terms to life. Why do you need a friend? For many - to provide moral support. A friend is a person who will help you stand up if you fall. The importance of emotional and verbal assistance is sometimes underestimated. But when a person is overwhelmed and depressed, sincere empathy, sympathy, and also praise, consolation and approval can heal him.

Finding the right words is very difficult. This can only be done by someone who knows a sad person well. And that's why a friend is needed. who is aware of the problems and mental characteristics of his comrade. He knows perfectly well which points need to be "pressed" in order to bring a smile and make him understand that everything is not so bad. In psychology, by the way, this is called the moral and ethical side of friendship.

Communication

Why do people need each other? At least in order to talk. Communication is interesting. During the conversation, people share news, interesting stories, impressions, experiences, and discuss various topics.

As a rule, a close friend is also a like-minded person who can, without a twinge of conscience, lay out his point of view on this or that issue, without fear that a conflict or dispute is brewing now. Because the comrade will support and even supplement what has been said with his commentary.

But friends tend to be different. And this is good, since the point of view of the other person is the best complement to the picture of the world of his interlocutor. It is with a friend that a tactful and interesting conversation, productive discussion and correct dialogue are possible. A loved one will always explain why he thinks so, will not seek to accuse his opponent and impose his point of view on him. All this is not only interesting, but also useful, since such communication enriches us as individuals.

Pastime

We all rest in different ways. But each of us likes to meet with friends. Some do it often, others rarely. So why do you need it Then, to have fun together and get new experiences. Together, doing everything is more fun and interesting. And accordingly, there will be more positive impressions from the pastime.

You can go to the cinema, cafes, nightclubs, amusement parks together, just walk around the city and have a conversation in parallel. Better to plan a trip to another city or even a country together. Such a pastime, as a rule, brings them closer together. Relationships will freshen up, new and valuable impressions and unusual experiences will appear. Maybe traveling together will turn into my favorite hobby.

Problems

There are different answers to the question of why friends are needed. And many say it is for help. It was said above about moral support, but this is something else.

They say that a friend is not the one who is there in good times, but the one who will help in difficult times. In life, not always everything is rosy. And sometimes something happens that you are afraid to tell even a psychologist who strictly adheres to the ethics of professional secrecy.

A friend is a time-tested person who has proven his reliability by actions and attitude towards a person. Someone who knows how to keep a secret. And he treats her as if he were his own. A person who will not change his attitude towards someone whom he considers his friend, no matter what happens. And he will try to do everything in his power to make the loved one feel better.

About quantity

There is one excellent phrase in the Russian language that many of us use in life in its various spheres. And it also applies to friendship. And the phrase sounds like this: "The main thing is not quantity, but quality."

Looking at people who communicate with a whole crowd of people and support with them, you involuntarily ask yourself a question - why do you need a lot of friends? As a matter of fact, this is already a matter of each person individually. If he wants, please. But, as practice shows, such people do not have a really close one, they always have someone to take a walk with, but no one to pour out their souls to.

But again, you cannot limit yourself to one person. Because it can be fraught with difficulties when socializing in an unfamiliar community. Diverse is helpful. It makes it possible to learn something new, to acquire previously unfamiliar skills and knowledge. In general, there is a golden mean here as well.

Common characteristic

Well, to conclude a short story about why you need to have friends, it is worth turning back to psychology. Its scientists have long ago identified the characteristics of a real comrade.

A friend is someone whom the person who calls him such loves. Just in a different form, not intimate.

A friend never lies. He always speaks the truth. In his words there is no pathos, arrogance, boasting, theatricality. He always soberly and impartially evaluates the actions and behavior of his loved one.

Friends are interested in the life of a dear person and worry about him. There is nothing obscene in questions about vacation plans or future plans. As in the desire to inquire about the family, the situation and health of loved ones, relatives.

Friends are not shy This is manifested in both behavior and communication. There is no place for officialdom in their conversations. They say what is in their souls. There is mutual respect in their relationship. They treat each other with kindness, tolerance, understanding.

What can be said in conclusion? Perhaps the most important thing. A friend is an integral part of the soul of each of us.

Why are we looking for friends? What does a person get from friendship? Most often, we do not think about these questions, since we take friendship for granted. If you ask a passer-by on the street to give an answer to this simple question, you can confuse the person.

Is it possible to live without friends?

We all live in a society, therefore, willingly or unwillingly, we are forced to contact with other people. If we meet a person who is close to us in interests, in spirit, in hobbies and way of thinking, then we feel a real belonging to the common. Otherwise, the person feels lonely in the crowd. Friends are not made by consanguinity. Often there are situations when the closest people who grew up in the same family look at life in different ways, have directly opposite opinions, as a result, they have quarrels. In this case, there can be no talk of any friendship.

A person without friends is alone in the crowd, so we are forced to look for sincerity and warmth in friends. Obviously, friends are essential for a fulfilling and happy life.

Reliable friends are needed, but it is impossible to give an unequivocal answer to the question: why do we need a friend. Some people need a friend so as not to feel lonely, others treat friendship on the principle “you - me, I - you”. There are also individuals who simply have no one to go to the bar with, and they are looking for friends with the same interests. But all this is more like a friendly relationship.

The decision to be friends, or not to communicate with someone, people make spontaneously. Here, the relationship is not like a marriage, when a couple goes to the registry office to register their feelings. Friends appear in our life as if they were expected, as if they should take a place specially reserved for them. It is difficult to explain this, almost impossible. We feel our person, that's all.

Friendship is an amazing phenomenon, voluntary, disinterested and always mutual. It is impossible to be friends if only one of the parties agrees to it. Friends are always expected to support and participate in problems. A friend is ready to help at any time of the day, regardless of personal. Probably a person who has at least one true friend is a happy person. But friends are needed not only to help us out in a difficult moment. You also need to be willing and willing to help a friend, regardless of personal troubles.

Among other things, only a friend can tell you the whole truth in person, scold you and take off your rose-colored glasses from your nose. And you should be grateful for that. How many people are around, ingratiating, waiting when you fall down to take your place in society. A friend will help you see things soberly and overcome life obstacles together. With a friend, we feel like family and friends even at a distance, even despite a long separation.

As a child, you don't bother with questions about friendship. Yes, and making friends or making friends at this age is simple and easy. But the older we get, the more selective. And already, gazing intently at our acquaintances, sometimes we think - is a random person nearby or a faithful friend?

In general, do you need friends or not? It is difficult to answer this question. Each person must make their own choice. After all, friendship is a very close relationship, which is based on common interests, mutual trust, affection and mutual assistance. So, first of all, you need to know what a person needs.

My husband says that he needs friends to sit at the table, have fun, talk about life, but I disagree with him. In my opinion, there are enough friends or acquaintances for this.

One of my colleagues, once in a conversation, said that friends are needed to lend a shoulder in difficult times, to help in a difficult situation. And I think that we should always help each other, especially when a person asks for help. And this is not friendship at all, but human mercy.

Of course, everyone remembers the proverb: "Don't have 100 rubles, but have 100 friends." Previously, it was more relevant, because before, connections, "pull" meant more than money, and it was difficult to live without friendly relations.

Have you noticed that over time we rarely meet with friends, visit guests, receive them at home? And young people generally meet in cafes and restaurants, and try to have rather not friendly, but friendly, almost business relationships of the type: "you are for me, I am for you."

One can condemn such excessive practicality, but I think that there is no need to rush, because any friendly relations are also based on mutual understanding, revenue, i.e. and for mutual benefit. Yes, and friends-buddies are selected, as a rule, with the same material and social status. So, even in this case, the relationship depends more on decency, rather than cordiality.

Friends are necessary for people who are not able to make any decisions on their own, who cannot defend themselves, defend their opinion. Very often old people need friends - for them it is salvation from loneliness and monotony of everyday life.

Of course, to have or not to have friends, a person must decide for himself. And it is important, having bound yourself with friendships, not to let friends become people who simply use you, and it is equally important not to become such.

In my opinion, friendship is about helping a friend cope with his difficulties on his own, without hurting his pride, teaching him how to calculate his strength, helping him make the right decision, and not doing everything for him. Then you will not have to, then, complain that you were used, that you are tired of other people's troubles and worries, and so on.

Friendship is one of the most important types of relationships for a person. a person with whom you have mutual sympathy, common hobbies and interests. A friend will be happy for you when you feel good, and sympathize when you feel bad. But why is friendship necessary? What friendship gives man?

There are many clichés and stereotypes associated with friendship.... It is believed that there is no female friendship, because women are always in a state of competition. , in the opinion of many, is also impossible: at least one in such a friendly relationship is in love. Some people like to rant about real male friendship, praised in books, and only such relationships, based on trust and self-sacrifice, deserve to be called friendship.

It takes a very long time to deduce the formula of friendship. Let's agree that if you are thinking about what friendship gives to a person, you have already decided for yourself what friendship is. Now is the time to decide why do people make friends? What's the point in them? Why can't you limit yourself to a simple friendship?

Some people find it inappropriate to think about what friendship gives.: the whole point of friendship is in its disinterestedness, we are friends not for profit, but simply because we feel sympathy and affection for a person. On the one hand, they are right. On the other hand, the benefit derived from friendship means not only material wealth and the satisfaction of one's own interests.

Friendship gives a person a sense of unity., he understands that he has a person who will always support him. In the company of a friend, you can relax and be yourself. A friend will help disinterestedly in difficult times, this person can be trusted, you can rely on him. A friend truly loves you, despite all your flaws.

A friend is a person who will always understand you (not the fact that he will agree, but at least accept your point of view as having a right to exist and will not ridicule it). They say that each person has their own "cockroaches" in their heads, and so friendship is the relationship of people with the same or very similar "cockroaches".

Friendships are built on trust. With a friend, you can be sincere, frank and confident that all your secrets will remain between you. In general, it can take a very long time to enumerate what friendship gives, each person finds something of their own in a friendly relationship... So, friendship cannot be called disinterested? It turns out that everything is built on profit?

No matter how it is, there are several nuances that distinguish true friendship from selfish relationships... It is clear that certain "bonuses" are attached to friendships. But real friendship arises by itself, we gratefully accept these "bonuses", but we never think about what friendship gives. Everything just goes on as usual.

Besides, in true friendships, we not only receive, but also give Trust in exchange for trust, support in exchange for support ... It's like playing badminton: so that the shuttlecock does not fall to the ground, both players must take an active part in the game, beating it off. Therefore, it is very important to think not only about what friendship gives you, but also about what you can bring to friendships.

True friendship, like true love, is a relationship built on reciprocity. She gives us a lot, but she also requires a lot.... Being a good friend is not always easy, but all the difficulties are compensated by the positive emotions that friendship gives us.

To make friendships a joy, you don't need to think about what friendship gives. Just be friends without thinking or looking back... And if you are friends only for the sake of profit, such a relationship can hardly be called a sincere friendship. But you always have the opportunity to improve and learn to be friends for real by meeting the right person.