Twice in the same river: is a relationship with the former possible? Step back: relationship with an ex

23.06.2019

How to restore a relationship with an ex-boyfriend and is it worth it? How to start a relationship with an ex boyfriend again

How to start reconnecting with an ex

In previous articles on the return of my beloved, I talked a lot about what measures should be taken and what behaviors to choose in order to maintain high chances for the return of an ex-boyfriend with a fairly high degree of probability.

After the publication of the article “Bring the guy back: Why is time working for you?” some readers asked a completely logical question: “When will the time come to start restoring relations with the former? How to determine that the time has come? Today I will try to answer this question, at least in general terms, because there will be no simple and short answer.

If you haven't read the article "Bring the Guy Back: Why Time Works for You?", I advise you to read it before continuing to read, otherwise you will not understand what, in fact, is at stake.

How do you know that it is “already possible” to restore a relationship?

First, let's take a look at the chart I posted earlier.

This chart shows the period after the break. The solid line indicates your attitude towards the guy, and the dotted line - his attitude towards you. However, the schedule will only look like this if you followed the recommendations and did not desperately try to get your boyfriend back “immediately”, “now”, “as soon as possible” by any available means.

As I already wrote, all attempts to restore relations immediately after the break will not give a result and will not lead to anything good, but will only complicate the return of a loved one or even make this process impossible.

So, how do you know that the guy's attitude towards you has crossed the conditional "zero" at point D and moved to the positive zone?

I warn you that all indicators are “very general” and may not be suitable for your specific situation. I just want to give you some direction to think about, but your intuition will tell you a lot more than this article. It is intuition, not fantasy! Keep this in mind and don't let your imagination turn what you want into reality.

The first indicator is Time. How much time must pass? There cannot be a clear answer here. It all depends on a number of factors, among which two main ones can be distinguished:

the duration and nature of the relationship before the break. Were your relationships smooth and harmonious or accompanied by constant quarrels. What was the gap itself: sharp and unexpected or long brewing like a purulent abscess.
the state of the guy himself after the break. How easy or hard was it for him after he broke up with you. Did he have a new girlfriend and how did their relationship develop.

But in any case, the time period indicated on the chart by the segment C-D will not be short. Usually these are not days or weeks, but months.

The second indicator is Information. If you get information that your ex-boyfriend is asking about you (and it doesn’t matter why he does it), then with a high degree of probability we can assume that his attitude towards you has moved into the positive zone.

The third indicator is Reaction. Your ex stops avoiding you and does not look away at casual meetings. He can also act as the initiator of the beginning of communication with you (under the guise of friendship or something else).

As you can see, everything is very vague. It is possible that you will not have all three indicators and only one will remain - time. This indicator will not go anywhere, you can rest assured.

There remains the fourth indicator - your own condition. Remember! Don't try to start rebuilding your relationship until you are past the despair and pain of the loss. Your ally and first mate is common sense.

What to do and how to behave

Undoubtedly, in order to begin to restore relations with an ex-boyfriend, you will need to establish contact with him. When you feel that enough time has passed and you are mentally ready, you can start.

You need to act carefully, delicately and very subtly. No "sharp movements" can be made. I will now give, maybe not a very correct comparison, but it is similar to the domestication of a wild animal. The slightest mistake and everything will have to start from the very beginning, but only with less hope of success.

Gradually, slowly and in such a way as not to arouse suspicion, you must move from simple communication as with ordinary acquaintances, to friendship, and then to friendship. This will take time and effort. It will be hard to hold back, especially if the guy is gentle and friendly with you. And you will want to throw yourself on his neck at the first kind word addressed to you. But this should not be done in any case, because it will frighten him.

Your behavior should be even, without manifestations of "peak" emotions. Be restrained, but benevolent and moderately caring. After analyzing your past relationships and realizing the mistakes, you do not have the right to show what caused the gap “not a millimeter”. By all means, you need to avoid negativity, quarrels, resentment, etc. Make sure that your ex is comfortable with you like with no one else. You have to work hard on yourself. Watch your appearance and facial expression - you should exude confidence, but not arrogance and not a frank desire to please. Do not flirt with him! Do not, under any circumstances, start discussing the ups and downs of your past relationship with your ex-boyfriend. And even if he himself suddenly starts a conversation on a similar topic - do not give in and translate the conversation in a different direction. Say that all this is in the past, and you do not want to relive unpleasant moments. Just do it gently and delicately. On the one hand, the guy should not get the impression that you are indifferent to such a discussion, and on the other hand, you cannot show that it hurts you very much.

When your relationship goes into a state of stable friendship, you can begin to slowly return to the past, choosing from there only pleasant memories for both of you. These memories should be romantic, but not intimate. For example, passing by some “yours and him” place, you can casually mention: “Do you remember how we hid here from the rain?” Or something like that. Do this once and watch your reaction closely. If there is no positive response, then you have to wait more. If the reaction is positive, you can continue, but just do not part. For starters, one romantic episode from the past is enough for two or three meetings.

intimacy

It may happen that after establishing a friendly trusting relationship, your ex-boyfriend suddenly wants to have sex with you. This is especially true if he has a difficult relationship with a new girlfriend or is single.

Do not succumb to provocation, no matter how much you would like it. Men treat intimacy differently than we do. Emotional connection and intimacy are completely different things for them, therefore, after such spontaneous sex, your friendship may come to an end, and with it, hopes of restoring relations will die. The same applies to kisses, caresses, etc., as well as conversations on "intimate" topics. You must refuse such things gently, but confidently, so that the man has no doubt that you really do not want this, but not because he is unpleasant for you, but solely for moral and ethical reasons. Let's just say, he must understand that you are not pushing him away, but stopping yourself. Until it is unequivocally and calmly determined that you love each other and have become a couple again, a rigid taboo is imposed on all intimacy. in general terms, perhaps that's all. I tried to give direction and hope it helps you.

FROM THE AUTHOR: My answers in the comments are the opinion of an individual, and not the recommendation of a specialist. I try to answer everyone without exception, but unfortunately I don’t physically have time to study long stories, analyze them, ask questions about them and then answer in detail, and I also don’t have the opportunity to accompany your situations, because this requires a huge amount of free time, and I have very little of it.

In this regard, I kindly ask you to ask specific questions on the topic of the article, do not try to use the comments for correspondence or chat, and do not expect me to advise in the comments.

Of course, you can ignore my request (which many do), but then be prepared for the fact that I will ignore yours. This is not a matter of principle, but exclusively of time and my physical capabilities. Don't be offended.

If you want to receive qualified assistance, please contact me for advice, and I will devote my time and knowledge to you with full dedication.

With respect and hope for understanding, Frederica

Go to the "Consultation" page

ksusha-club.ru

how to start dating an ex boyfriend

Immediately after the breakup, you should not strive to restore relations - the negative impressions that you and your ex-lover received are too strong. Your haste will only complicate the already difficult communication with him. But then how to start dating an ex-boyfriend? First, take a short break - 1-3 months if you have been together for a long time, a couple of weeks if you have known each other for a short time.

How to determine readiness to continue a relationship

If the breakup was very emotional, it will take a little more time to recover than usual. To understand that the guy has cooled down, listen to the information that comes to you. If the guy began to carefully take an interest in how you are doing, then he changed his anger to mercy. By the way, you yourself can show him that you don’t mind continuing, in the same way being interested in his life from mutual acquaintances. Just try not to be too obvious about it. If you meet occasionally, take a closer look at whether his attitude towards you has changed, for example, whether he has stopped looking away, responding in monosyllables, etc.

Equally important is your readiness. If you are still full of resentment against the traitor, the pain of loss and despair are strong in you, you yourself are not yet capable of an adequate perception of reality. Restore your mental balance and the ability to think soberly, and only then continue.

How to get closer

Your behavior must be very delicate. Imagine that the guy is a wild animal that you need to tame. Don't pressure him, don't force things, don't blame him, and don't try to get him into bed. Everything should be like the first time for you, and therefore play the game very subtly. Your task is to attract him again, to please him. However, you already know him well, this is a great advantage to take advantage of. Remember what annoys him, interests him, gives him pleasure, etc. Accordingly, you should emphasize the good and avoid the bad.

If your man is already dating someone, do not rush to take him away from her - just become a good friend. Sooner or later, they will have the same problems that you had, but now you have the advantage, because you have realized your mistakes and are ready to correct everything.

Surround him with comfort, avoid new quarrels and conflicts in every possible way. This does not mean that you have to bend completely - use the feminine trick. Do not go ahead, try to take your kindness and wisdom. Try not to think about failed relationships, do not discuss past problems with him, even if he himself starts such conversations.

blog.teamo.ru

Step-by-step strategy how to return the relationship

Nowadays, relationships are destroyed as often, and sometimes even more often, than new ones are made. And all because in most cases people first act and then think.

It happens that after breaking up with a man, you very soon begin to understand that you really cannot live without him. You realize how important he was to you.

And then natural questions arise: “How to return the relationship? How to correct a perfect mistake?

Common situation?

If you are interested in the topic of this material, then it is close to you.

Let's not try to figure out why this happened. After all, you did not come for this, but for specific advice on how to get out of this situation. So let's get straight to the point.

Here is a step-by-step guide on how to get your ex back and make him fall in love with you again.

How to get your ex back if you're still in love

The first thing you need to decide is whether trying to return the relationship is really a good idea. Perhaps you are just not right for each other and the end of the relationship was a logical conclusion. This is the first option.

And the second, more common situation: separation due to unwillingness or inability to listen and compromise.

Excessive emotionality in communication could lead to another quarrel, in the heat of which offensive words were spoken, which caused a breakup.

And even when emotions subsided and it became possible to think about the causes of the conflict, the fear of taking the first step leads to a sad ending.

He thinks he is not needed and leaves. And she doesn't stop him. Pride does not allow her to do this and ask for forgiveness. so what? Which situation is closer to you?

If the first, then there is no point in returning the relationship.

But if the second and you are sure that the feelings have not gone away, but simply become hostages of pride and fear, then, of course, it is worth trying to improve relations.

So where do you start? After parting, an established connection is usually lost and former lovers stop seeing each other.

If you are thinking about how to get your ex back and, most importantly, how to build a relationship with him, you will have to find him and re-establish contact. At the same time, most likely, there will be certain awkward sensations, but you need to find the courage in yourself and talk to him again. And not somehow, but truly sincerely, so that he feels your desire to start everything from scratch.

1. Call him

Many people find it very difficult to meet face to face with former partners. But you do not need to see him in person to start a dialogue that will improve relations between you.

Nowadays, this problem can be solved very easily - just call him (write an SMS, send an email).

First, think carefully about what you want to talk to him about, and only after that dial his phone number (or start writing a letter). Choose your words carefully. Speak in a warm and friendly manner.

About what? Find out how he's doing, how he feels. Thank you for the pleasant moments that you had in a relationship. And which you are pleased to remember.

Such questions, of course, will not help you return the relationship right away, but they will allow you to maintain a conversation for the time necessary to determine his reaction to your call: whether he has irritation, resentment or anger in his voice.

If the conversation is quite comfortable for both of you, then you can move on to the next stage - hint that you want to improve relations (at least friendly for a start) and arrange a meeting.

2. Ask for forgiveness

If you really want your ex back, you have to learn how to say "I'm sorry."

If you don't know how to mend a relationship that ended because you made a mistake, acknowledge that fact and bring your apology to your lover's ears. You must make sure that he knows how much you regret what you did.

And even if it was not you, but your partner who was the culprit of the breakup, ask for forgiveness for not stopping him then.

3. Talking to his friends

It might be a very good idea to talk to his friends. It may well happen that they will become your allies and help restore the relationship that was so recklessly lost. In addition, they can learn about how his life turned out after your breakup.

They may know if he still loves you, if he wants to get back together with you, and how good your idea of talking to him is.

Given the fact that they are his friends and not yours, not all of them will agree to help you. But if you sincerely talk about your feelings and regrets, there will surely be someone among them who will help.

4. He needs to know that you have changed.

Have you thought a lot about your behavior in the past that led to the current situation? Have you made every effort to change yourself for the better?

If you want your ex back, let him know that you have turned the page in your life. Promise (first of all, to yourself) that you will not repeat the mistakes that you made. You now know what you want from a relationship and are ready to become a truly happy woman.

5. Impress him again

It is not so easy to make an unforgettable impression on a man when meeting. But doing it again is even harder. We'll have to try.

You can go a little more mundane and start giving him creative gifts, surprises, and other courtesies.

In case all these things don't work for him, come up with a different approach. For example, start doing something new that you have not done before.

- didn’t like or didn’t know how to cook, make an effort and feed him a delicious dinner that you cook with your own hands;

- I was not particularly interested in his affairs at work, start to be interested.

Do everything in order not only to return the relationship that was before, but to surprise him and fall in love with you a second time. Forget that you know each other intimately. Act like you would on a first date. You should have the same mystery that so intrigued him that “that” time.

But don't overdo it. It should not seem to him that you are imposing and trying to control his feelings. If he suspects this, then it will definitely not work to establish relations.

Everything should happen naturally. Think it's impossible? One wonderful girl did everything very well:

6. Memories

Each of you has pleasant memories from a shared past. Remind him of some of them.

Show him old shared photos or offer to meet at one of the places where your first dates took place.

Memories have the ability to ignite emotions that have faded long ago and remind you of the importance of certain things. And this is exactly what you need in order to improve relations after a quarrel.

Memories can help bring back the ex and make him understand that the connection that arose sometime in the past between you is much more important than the troubles that caused the breakup.

7. Don't waste time

You must understand that you should not miss a single opportunity to express your feelings to him. If in the past it seemed to you that you still have a lot of time ahead of you and you will have time to tell him about your feelings sometime later, now you know that this is not so.

After all, at any moment an event can happen that will separate you again, and it will be almost impossible to return the relationship for the third time.

Therefore, do not forget to remind him as often as possible that your love for him becomes stronger over time.

8. Reason

Your ex may ask about the reason for your desire to return to him. Remind him of what a wonderful couple you were before breaking up and how much you loved each other. Isn't this the most important reason to get back in a relationship?

There was only one parting, and there were many pleasant moments before that. Tell him how you would like to go back in time, relive all those happy moments again and try to prevent the events that caused you to stop being a couple.

9. Obligations

You must make your honest promise to him and to yourself that you will try to create a conscious relationship. That you will try to be with him always, no matter what. True, the same should be asked of him.

But before you try to get your ex back, consider whether you can really keep those promises.

And finally, so that you believe in yourself, I want to give a review of one of my beautiful students:

What follows from the above

Breaking up a relationship is always a bitter experience. Getting back an ex can be quite a difficult task placed on fragile female shoulders.

It will take an inhuman effort on your part to make him fall in love with you again. Besides, you have to remember that this is your only chance to make things right.

Therefore, if you really want to return the relationship that was undeservedly destroyed, try to take seriously the implementation of the strategy from this article.

In this case, you should not follow everything verbatim. These are just general recommendations, and think over and implement your specific actions depending on your situation. And if you have any difficulties, contact me and I will try to help you with advice.

Ask your questions in the comments if you are still wondering how to get your ex back.

Read the top articles of my blog:

How to manipulate a man?

The psychology of relationships with a married man

What kind of women do men like?

9 questions that take the relationship of a woman and a man to a new level

Psychology of relationships in a couple: 4 signs of conscious feelings

How to attract a man into your life?

5 amazing qualities that make a woman irresistible

7 things a woman can do with her mouth

How to win a man in 90 days?

What does a man think when he meets “his one and only”?

How to ask a man?

How to behave with a man in bed. 5 ground rules?

How to fall in love with a man?

How to please a man?

10 text messages that make it clear that men like you

5 golden truths on how to understand a man

16 priceless examples of how to compliment a man

19 nice sms for your beloved man

11 statements of a man in love or how to understand that a man is in love

How to seduce a man? 4 ways that will surprise you

yaroslav-samoylov.com

What you need to know before starting over with an ex

The article gives advice to those who want to understand how to start over with an ex-boyfriend. Recommendations were given to girls on what to do in this situation, how to act, avoiding the phrase “come back, I will forgive everything”.

The relationship between a man and a woman is so fragile that it looks like a crystal vase. But it often happens that not many couples do not understand this and do not try to appreciate each other too much, which ultimately leads to a final break.

When a woman feels that their relationship is on the verge of collapse, she is perfectly aware of everything, but does nothing, just lives and thinks that someday a good magician will come and change the situation, turn time back to fabulous times when the relationship was just beginning. But, unfortunately, the harsh reality does not tolerate magic. Life goes on, and people miss the times when you can change something else.

When the worst happened - the loss of a loved one, then any woman receives a real heartache, which is very difficult to survive. Often she thinks that life has stopped and has no meaning. But do not jump to conclusions, first you need to come to your senses.

Only with common sense can one reason to find a way out of this difficult situation. You should not keep the problem in yourself, it is better to talk with dear people, who are parents, girlfriends, or visit a psychologist. They will be able to assess the situation and push on the right path.

But most importantly, in no case should you run after the guy after shouting, "come back, I'll forgive everything." This is very low for any woman. You need to respect yourself in any situation and behave with dignity. First you need to analyze all the mistakes made and understand yourself, finding the meaning of life.

In order to understand how to start over with an ex-boyfriend, you need to seriously consider whether it is necessary to return him, making a lot of effort, because he has already left. You also need to understand that the mistakes made in relationships are a thing of the past. They cannot be returned, therefore, constantly focus on them. You need to start living in a new way, without looking back. As they say, a broken vase cannot be glued together.

But from women you can often hear such phrases in which they met after a while an ex-boyfriend, and violent emotions flared up again with incredible force. This impulse did not pass after a certain period of time, thoughts about it do not stop spinning in her head, so the girl understands that she needs to take some action. Apparently, love has not passed, it has remained, so you should not torture yourself. Perhaps a second chance will drastically change the lives of both.

Quite a lot depends on what was the reason for the breakup, and who initiated it. It is worth noting that the reasons in most cases are the same. They can be frequent quarrels and resentments, different outlooks on life or dissimilarity of characters. Recently, many young couples break up because they are not ready to start a family. But the most difficult parting occurs when one of the partners cheats. In this case, it makes no sense to renew the relationship, since the one who changed once may change again. And besides, relationships after betrayal on a subconscious level cannot be strong and reliable.

Once again, everything needs to be carefully considered and weighed. Maybe you don’t need to collect shattered broken relationships? It's better to live in the future and forget about the past. After all, a difficult moment of parting was experienced, the soul hurts much less.

If the desire to return a loved one is huge, then you need to fight for him. If, on the initiative of the girl, the relationship broke up, then the guy may be offended and come up with a plan of revenge. If he was the initiator, then in this case everything is a little simpler, but a special approach to him is also needed. The guy should feel the interest again. The ideal reason to renew the old relationship is if both partners parted by mutual agreement, then the mistake will be corrected by common forces.

You can try to create a new vase together. But it should be completely different, the relationship should be radically different from the previous one, to the smallest detail. Otherwise, everything will come back, again there will be the same scandals and quarrels, which in the end will again lead to a break.

You also need to assess the situation with your partner. Does he really deserve to be pursued? Is he able to create a strong relationship again, and in the future, a strong family? If you are worthy, then first of all you need to take care of your beauty in order to be always on top.

It is advisable to look at yourself from the outside in order to understand what views you can catch on yourself from strangers. Perhaps the surrounding men do not pay attention, although before everything was different. All because attractiveness has disappeared, and with it confidence in oneself and one's abilities.

If you want to return your ex-boyfriend, you need to regain your attractiveness in order to be not just beautiful, but chic. In a depressed state, you should not catch his eye, as the situation will worsen even more.

First of all, you need to stop constantly thinking about him, and remove negative emotions from your head that prevent you from thinking sensibly. It is advisable to regain your former strengths and capabilities in order to prevent the appearance of a wall in a relationship.

When the former confidence returned, then you can start small steps towards rapprochement. But it is worth noting that someone can bounce back in a week, and someone will need as much as six months. And no matter how much time passes, the main thing is not to see each other this time.

To get back on track, you need something to distract yourself with, maybe remember your favorite hobby, or go to the gym. In other words, places where he and thoughts about him will not be.

Do not immediately pounce on his neck at the first meeting. It should be a short, perhaps fleeting meeting, on the street or in places where he happens to be. Don't look directly into his eyes. It is generally advisable not to look at him, let him admire from the side. It is from this reaction that it depends whether there will be a new novel in the future. At the sight of his indifference, one can understand that longing in the relationship was set forever.

But the sparkle in his eyes will mean that he is glad of this fleeting meeting, that he also thought and missed it. Therefore, you can proceed to further actions. If in the future the first conversation takes place with him, then you need to understand that during this time he may develop irritation or even disgust. You should not make excuses in this conversation and talk about former relationships. They will only exacerbate the situation, leading it to a dead end.

You can start social networking. But here, too, certain points must be taken into account. For example, you should not write messages to him, in which the question will be asked if he has forgotten about past relationships, and you should also not mention the separation process. It is better to chat about pleasant things, about mood, about the weather, to remember funny and romantic moments from a relationship. In no case should you admit to a guy that there is a desire to return him. Don't rush, there's more to come.

If he wants to meet again, then you do not need to meet at the same favorite place. You shouldn't go to that cafe that you went to before, to that cinema. This will be a fatal mistake. Everything that was once near and dear, that bound tightly, should be forgotten. Ahead - only new sensations and positive emotions.

If the guy had another girlfriend during the separation, then it will be quite difficult to return him. Perhaps you should not break up their existing pair. But if the new girl is not a hindrance, then you can start flirting with him boldly, commenting on photos on social networks, statuses, and so on.

You can do tricky, starting with small meetings, walks together, romantic correspondence. But there should not be any hint from the woman about the resumption of relations. Let him be the first to show initiative, because obsession can only push away, and not lead to a new relationship. You need to show pride, let him not think that they are running after him. Let him try to return the disposition and interest.

But as it was not there, sometime you need to start a conversation about old relationships, since an unpleasant topic will torment both lovers. Therefore, we need to analyze everything and start the path forward to a bright and clean future.

As a result, we can add that only by joint efforts can we restore the former relationship to each other, we must strive together to achieve respect for each other. If there is mutual love, then all adversity will be on the shoulder.

misseva.ru

How to rekindle a relationship with an ex

Couples in love rarely manage without a crisis in relationships. Constant conflicts, misunderstandings, dissatisfaction with the nature or behavior of the second half often lead to a forced separation. Breaking the bond forever can be too difficult. A man misses his beloved woman, and a girl becomes depressed if there is no former lover nearby. How to resume a relationship after a major quarrel or divorce, as if nothing had happened? Do people who once parted have hope for a bright future together?

Restoring peace after a quarrel

Endless scandals can make life worse for any couple. After serious quarrels that ended not with passionate kisses and hugs, but with resentment and silence, the relationship seems unhappy and unpromising. People forget that they are together thanks to the union of a bright feeling, and cannot come to a compromise in order to save love. How to improve relations with a guy after a quarrel?

1. Calm conversation

It is extremely important to learn to listen and hear your partner. Without a frank conversation, reconciliation will not work. Tell in detail and sincerely about your experiences and feelings, ask the opinion of the interlocutor, listen to him. Perhaps the cause of the quarrel was so petty that it was not worth attention.

2. Don't be afraid to compromise

How to restore a relationship with a guy? If the person and feelings are really dear, make concessions. All relationships are built on the ability to find compromises. Leave the principles, satisfy the desires of the beloved.

3. Assign responsibilities

Discuss together and finally decide how the joint life will be arranged. Discuss the responsibilities of partners and fulfill them unconditionally. Domestic conflicts in 60% of cases cause a gap. Warn them first.

How to renew a good relationship with a loved one after a scandal? Having reconciled, do not allow yourself to quarrel in front of strangers, warn in advance that you do not like or are unacceptable, do not be afraid to admit guilt and ask for forgiveness. If the spouse sees how the wife has changed internally, then he himself will change the tactics of behavior.

Is it possible to return love after a long breakup

A break in a relationship is like close people are stuck somewhere between the past and the future, and do not understand what they actually want from spending time together. They need a break to comprehend what is happening, assess the prospects and draw conclusions. How to restore relations with your husband if you decide to live separately? After all, it is indescribably difficult to get rid of a sense of ownership of a former spouse, no matter what resentment and suffering a man brings.

Is it possible to get back into a relationship after a breakup? A lot of things connect each couple: common experiences, interests, acquaintances, memories and so on. After parting, the partners experience false relief. It seems to them that they are completely independent of the past and can boldly step into the future. However, in reality, in most cases, a man or woman realizes that it was much more comfortable, interesting, calmer with a former life partner. They want to return the old feelings and relationships, making them even better. How to restore a relationship after a breakup?

Take a break. A certain time must pass, making it possible to forget pain, resentment, disagreements, negative moments. This is the best healer that allows you to heal not the body, but the soul, and open up to new feelings, even with a former lover.
Recognize the gap. The resumption of relations after parting is possible only after the acceptance of the very fact of the termination of the relationship. Try to think about what led to the loss of understanding and love, what exactly is your fault and what needs to be done so that the situation does not happen again. Come up with a positive scenario for living together and follow it.
Take action. Appear in the life of a former partner, try to become a close friend to him again. Do not immediately offer to be together again, but be interested in your person. Men love to “hunt” women, hint that you don’t mind returning everything, but don’t act impudently.

Restoring relationships after a breakup is a complex and lengthy process. But if the desire to know joy and happiness again, and also to make the chosen one happy is irresistibly strong, the attempts will certainly be crowned with success.

Steps towards reconciliation

How to start a relationship again? If you are sure that the partner will not be against reconciliation, feel free to take action.

Relax your grip. Give your partner a break from overexertion and negativity. At this stage, communicate with a man extremely rarely or completely disappear from his life for a while.
Take care of yourself. Spend the period of separation with benefit: keep an eye on your appearance, go in for sports, do not leave work and household chores to chance. In parallel with this, try to understand your true feelings and desires.
Resume contact. How to build a relationship with a guy at a distance? At this stage, it is time to increase the number of supposedly random meetings, rare phone calls or correspondence on social networks are acceptable. Do not chase the guy, but call to remind him of an important date, taking care of his well-being. If you feel that a man enjoys communication, move on to the proposal to maintain friendships. Usually the stronger sex does not refuse this.
Enter into trust. How to rekindle a relationship with a loved one? Show how much you have changed. A man will believe and want to be close only to the woman he can fall in love with again. Smile, take an interest in the affairs of your beloved, provide assistance and moral support. Let the guy know that your couple has a happy future.

There is a saying that you cannot enter the river twice. Even if relationships can be established, is it realistic to expect the same bright colors and sharpness? Both a woman and a man can change dramatically during the time spent apart. Whether the new version of the previous one is better will be known only from one's own experience.

Why is it so important to put an end

How long does a break in a relationship last? The indicator is different in each case. It happens that couples converge again in a week, and for someone it takes years to reconcile. If the breakup has dragged on for too long, is it worth resuming a relationship with an ex-man? Psychologists advise to break the burdensome relationship. It will not be possible to completely interrupt the relationship, but it is quite possible to transfer them from loving-romantic to friendly.

Why is it so important to do this?

You will open up to new, more promising contacts.
An incomplete connection will stop taking away positive energy.
This is a great opportunity to understand your own desires and feelings.

At the same time, experts do not deny that, having let go of all grievances and rethinking the requirements, a woman can try to have an affair with a former partner and new relationships will be much more trusting, happier and more romantic than the previous ones.

You may be interested in: What to do if you offended a man How to win a man's attention: secrets and nuances How to recognize a cheating husband: signs of infidelity

dom-isemya.ru

How to restore a relationship with an ex-man or boyfriend, is it worth it: advice from psychologists

Many women think about reconnecting with an ex-partner. When a breakup occurs, it is very difficult for them to realize that now they will have to live without a loved one. During this period, the girl suffers and experiences great disappointment. These emotions do not allow her to enjoy life. Someone prefers to come to terms with the loss, but some women choose to fight for love. In some situations, you can return the ex, but first you should think about the reasons for the breakup and how the relationship will develop after reconciliation.

Why do girls want their ex boyfriends back?

If two people broke up, then most likely there were certain problems in their relationship. However, even in this case, it is not easy to come to terms with parting, since there are the following reasons for this:

Habit. When relationships last for a long time, a woman adapts to the fact that a partner is next to her. She builds a life with him, changes her habits, gets used to stability. After the breakup, her lifestyle changes, and this is not easy for her.
Loneliness. Every person, no matter how he positions himself, is more than anything afraid of being alone. This is not only about a short time that you have to spend alone with yourself, but also the prospect that in old age there will be no one around. That is why some women decide that it is better to return an ex-boyfriend who may not meet all the requirements than not to have any partner at all.
financial dependence. Some ladies do not want to start a career and prefer to devote themselves entirely to the house. In such a situation, the girl simply needs a permanent partner, since she is not able to provide for herself.

If a woman wants to get her ex back for one of these reasons, you should seriously consider whether she really needs this relationship. Returning a former young man is only worth it if the lady has tender feelings for him and cannot imagine her life without him.

How to get your loved one back: ways to renew a relationship with an ex-boyfriend

How to get a partner back?

Regardless of the reason for the breakup, if a girl wants to return her partner, then she needs to analyze her behavior during the development of the relationship and carry out “work on the mistakes”. After that, it is worth starting to take active steps to return the partner.

Is it worth starting a relationship with a married man and how to end it?

Determine the reason for the breakup

If you thoughtlessly attack a guy with calls and messages or offer him to get back together, then even if he agrees, discord will begin again in the relationship. Therefore, it is necessary to think about what the former partner did not like in an alliance with a girl and draw up a plan for further action.

Selfishness. The girl could get too hung up on herself and periodically forget that a man also needs care, warmth and tenderness.
Excessive requirements. Some ladies become very demanding in relationships and guys are afraid that they won't be able to give them what will make them happy.
Desire to get married. Some men are catastrophically afraid that a serious relationship has already reached the stage when it's time to make a marriage proposal. This causes them a lot of stress, and they decide to end the relationship so as not to take on unnecessary obligations.
Bad appearance. It is worth considering whether the girl has begun to take less care of herself lately. Any man is a visual by nature, so it is very important for him that there is always a beautiful, graceful and feminine companion nearby. When some ladies begin to live with their lovers, they believe that the missus will not go anywhere, so you can relax and stop looking after yourself.
The presence of a rival. Often, breakups occur due to the fact that a man met another woman or took a mistress during the relationship.

If the reasons for the breakup were serious, then there is a possibility that the partners are not suitable for each other. In this case, everyone should start living their own lives. To return the relationship, you need to make sure that both people want it and are ready to change in order to restore the union.

How to forgive a cheating husband: is it worth it?

Don't give in to depression

Before returning a partner, you must completely clear your mind of negativity and become a positive person. This means that at a time when a woman is in pain, depressed or angry at the whole world, you should not meet or make contact with a guy.

First you need to get rid of negative energy and completely calm down. It becomes easier for someone if you cry and speak out to a loved one, while someone needs physical activity for this. In this case, you should go in for sports, dancing and any other hobby.

It is recommended to spend the first weeks after parting with friends and relatives. These people will always listen and help with advice. Perhaps, during this time, the woman will understand that the resumption of relations does not make sense, and there is no place in her life for a former partner.

Tidy up the look

Having achieved spiritual balance, the girl should think about her appearance. To win the heart of a man again, you need to pleasantly surprise him with changes in your appearance. To do this, you should change your hairstyle or hair color, make a beautiful manicure and change your wardrobe.

It is recommended to get rid of old bathrobes, torn T-shirts and shapeless suits and remember how to use cosmetics. If during the relationship the lady gained a few extra pounds or started herself even more, you need to think about healthy eating and going to the gym.

Having changed, you need to take some beautiful pictures for social networks, so that the man will definitely (himself or through friends) find out that his ex-girlfriend looks her best. Only after that it is worth moving to active actions.

Get in the eye more often

If a woman disappears from a man’s life for a long time, then in this case he can quickly forget about past relationships and start having affairs with other ladies. Therefore, you should not be depressed for too long, you need to demonstrate your new image to your ex-boyfriend as soon as possible.

If partners have mutual friends, then it will not be superfluous to appear at all parties, birthdays and other holidays. When meeting with your loved one, you need to be confident, sweet and cheerful. You should not talk about breaking up, you need to act at ease, ask the guy how he is doing, etc.

If a man is mentally prepared for another quarrel, and instead sees a blooming and cheerful girl in front of him, then he will not only be surprised, but also intrigued. He will definitely want to know what caused such a transformation. If he decides that the former passion has a boyfriend, then there is a chance that jealousy will prevail, and he will be the first to show interest in the girl.

If a man does not show aggression during casual and short meetings, then it is worth trying to move on to the next step. To do this, just write to him on a social network and look at his reaction. If the partner makes contact, it is recommended to continue communication on a positive wave.

For example, you can send him a funny picture or an interesting video that he will definitely like. Over time, he will begin to understand how much he missed such easy communication. However, you shouldn't be too active. If partners have been communicating well on a social network for quite some time, a woman may disappear for several days. The man will begin to worry. There is a chance that when the lady is online again, he himself will offer to meet her.

Ask for help

This method is very effective, as it helps to organize a meeting between two former lovers in private. It is worth asking for the help of mutual friends so that they convey to the young man about the difficulties that the girl is experiencing. For example, that she was doing repairs and accidentally broke a window or does not know how to fix a faucet. In such a situation, a man will definitely try to come to the rescue. Even after a breakup, some guys feel responsible for their exes.

This will be a great occasion to spend some time together and show the young man your weakness, tenderness and femininity. When a man helps a woman, he feels proud. If we add to this the praise and compliments from the lady, then this can give rise to thoughts in him that parting with such a girl was a great stupidity.

have sex

Some women believe that if they propose a sexual relationship to a partner, this will help them get closer again. It must be understood that in this case, sex can only be used as an excuse for short meetings. You should not expect from a man that after spending the night with his ex-girlfriend, he will immediately remember his tender feelings and will definitely want to return to her.

Guys have a completely different attitude towards sex. For them, it is a way to relax and get rid of physical tension. There is a big risk that a man will gladly accept the idea of such meetings, but will forever leave his former passion in the ranks of his mistresses. Therefore, the meeting should not be limited only to intimacy.

What to do if a guy has a new girlfriend

This is the most difficult situation, since in this case there is practically no chance of restoring relations. If a man made a new girlfriend, then this suggests that he completely severed his old connection. During the candy-bouquet period, a man least of all wants to remember the previous chosen one. He is only interested in the positive qualities of the new passion, as he has strong emotions for her.

The difficulty lies in the fact that it is difficult for a woman to control herself when she realizes that her beloved is in the arms of a rival. In this case, many make a serious mistake and begin to sort things out with the new chosen one of the former partner. This only irritates the man and aggravates the situation, as the new lady looks like a victim, and the ex-girlfriend becomes an uncontrollable aggressor.

The only thing that remains in such a situation is to try to understand what exactly attracted a man in another woman. If a lady tries to get rid of her own shortcomings, then this will help her not to make mistakes in subsequent relationships. You can only renew contact with an ex-boyfriend if he talks with a new woman for a while and understands that his ex-girlfriend is much more interesting and spectacular.

How to get a guy back if he doesn't want a relationship

Sometimes during a relationship, a woman closes her eyes to all the problems and tries to act as if everything is fine in their couple. A man accumulates too many negative emotions, and after parting, he does not feel any desire to return to the former.

If the girl does not intend to come to terms with the loss, then it is necessary to act very carefully. First of all, you need to let go of your ex. He must understand that the relationship really ended, but he does not have the opportunity to restore it if he wants to. In this case, she has a chance that he will start to worry and think about his own decision.

However, in this case, the man may also think that if the woman is not very upset, then she did not have feelings for him at all. Therefore, the best option would be to demonstrate that the departure of a loved one caused severe pain, but the woman is trying to cope with emotions and will soon be able to start life from scratch.

After that, it is necessary not to disappear for a long time from the field of view of the young man. It is best if during this period he will have access to the girl’s social networks, where she will actively upload photos, showing how well she lives. If this does not help in any way to evoke former feelings in a man, then you should not take other steps, this will only further humiliate a woman in the eyes of a man.

Can you get your ex husband back?

If the couple divorced, then most often it was a balanced decision, not made in one day. In such a situation, it is very difficult to talk about restoring warm relations between partners, especially if the spouse has taken a mistress and left for her.

If the spouses have a common child, then there are still chances for family reunification. Men are very attached to their children. Sometimes, deciding on a divorce, they do not understand how hard it will be for them to live separately from the family. In this situation, it is worth trying to improve relations with your husband by offering a day to everyone together. It is worth explaining to him that it is difficult for a child to accept the divorce of his parents, so sometimes you need to relax together, as it was when living together.

Such meetings will help a man remember how partners loved each other and that the child he sees is a symbol of this love.

It is worth having a heart-to-heart talk with your ex-spouse. If he is not sure that he wants to renew the relationship again, as he is afraid that nothing will change, then it is recommended to visit a psychologist together.

In what situations you should not try to get a guy back

Sometimes women become hostages of their feelings and do not even realize that breaking up with this or that person was the best event in their life. There are a number of situations in which it is worth making an effort and overcoming your tender feelings, but not returning, and even more so not trying to return the former gentleman. You do not need to renew a relationship if a man:

Constantly morally humiliated and suppressed.
Used physical violence.
Lied regularly.
Constantly changed.

If a man constantly called his wife offensive words, says that he is stupid, fat and no one needs him, then there is no point in returning such a relationship. Even if a woman changes beyond recognition, such a partner will always find a way to offend her.

The psychology of such men is extremely simple - realizing their weaknesses and shortcomings, they choose the position of the attack so that the woman does not have the opportunity to understand what a miserable and low person she lives with. If insults are constantly heard in a relationship, then there is no place for love in them.

The same goes for regular cheating. Even if a man cries and swears that he will never even look at another woman again, you cannot believe it. If cheating occurs regularly, then this suggests that the guy consciously commits betrayal. This means that similar behavior will be repeated in the future.

Psychologists' advice

Giving in to emotions, women often only alienate former partners from themselves. Therefore, experts recommend avoiding certain behaviors:

Inadequacy. If a lady lashes out at her lover with reproaches and accusations, and then starts crying and asking him to return to the family, then this will only convince the man that anything can be expected from such a girl, especially if scandals occur in public.
Criticism of the new girl. You should not try to turn your loved one against his new passion by listing all her shortcomings and sharing the latest rumors about her. This is a humiliating occupation that causes only negativity in men.
A pity. Some ladies believe that if they show themselves to their ex-boyfriend with swollen eyes from tears, this will make the guy feel sorry for the abandoned passion. Even if it works, you need to understand that a relationship built on pity has no future.
Threats. If a woman says that she will kill herself or harm the man himself, this will only convince him that such an emotionally unstable person should be kept away.
manipulation with children. Some women blackmail former partners with the fact that if they do not return to the family, then the lady will turn the child against the father. This is very cruel in the first place in relation to children. In no case should you involve and even more so use children in order to renew relationships or ruin the life of your ex-husband.

If two people decide to get back together, then a very difficult period begins in their life. They must realize their mistakes and make great efforts to prevent them from happening again. A person cannot change drastically. If a man left because of the nature of his companion, then it may be worth finding the person for whom the cons of the lady’s behavior will not be important.

doctorfeel.net

Relationship with an ex-boyfriend!

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Hello our dear readers! Our article will tell you what kind of relationship you can build with an ex-man. Should you rekindle a relationship after a breakup? And what it can lead to.

80% of couples survive a breakup! Seasoned women who have rekindled relationships with their ex have told us the truth about rekindled relationships!

Relationship with an ex after a breakup

Only 2% of couples break up amicably. All the rest disagree with grievances and scandals. But what if you want to get back in touch with your ex? Or you need to maintain a relationship - especially if you have a child or a common job. The main options for the development of relations after parting are as follows.

Hate in a relationship

Especially if former lovers are forced to see each other. It is very difficult to overcome your grievances, forgive and let go of the former. And any meeting is a listing of real or fictitious claims.

You know that swearing leads nowhere. The feeling that you have been abandoned, taken advantage of, can take a very long time. Sometimes up to several years. It can only be cured by realizing that the past is in the past. The memory of good times. Recognition that both are to blame for the breakup, as usually happens.

Relationships - avoidance

Whenever possible and out of anger, we build relationships with an ex-boyfriend on the principle of “I don’t know him and don’t notice him point-blank.” If you work together, this method applies, but leads to even more resentment. Usually, one of the former partners will begin to humiliate their former relationship in front of others. Showing your freedom. Not because he thinks so, just trying to hide his pain.

It is best to reduce any meetings to zero. Time will pass, and resentment will subside, then you will be able to communicate again. But the first six months can turn into a nightmare. Even better, talk to your ex. Agree on mutual disregard and ask not to discuss your relationship with others.

Intimacy without cohabitation

The idea that an ex-boyfriend can give love to another can be unbearable. And he is afraid to think that he no longer possesses you. Whether there are quarrels or not, this is a sign that love is still alive. But problems, life, characters, selfishness extinguish it. After a month or two, if both of you understand that you don’t want to lose each other intimately, intimacy without cohabitation begins. Most often, former lovers do not change each other. But this feeling of freedom and saves the relationship.

Someday, usually from a year to five years, the couple themselves come together. And 60% of such couples end their relationship with a wedding.

Relations with the former - communication

The "I love my ex-boyfriend" situation. What to do if the feelings have not cooled down? Of course, keep in touch at all. If there is no anger and claims between you, then it will be interesting for both of you to communicate. Find out how things are going, even help with something. The option is not suitable for decisive ones who want to cross everything out. And communication in some way implies the restoration of relations in the future. They give hope.

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If you understand that you no longer need a relationship with this particular man, treat him with understanding. Avoid hints or rude jokes about your former relationship. If you hope to resume relations in the future, do not rush into it. But remember, he is no longer yours. And don't worry if he finds another.

Best friends

You both know almost everything about each other! The relationship between a man and a former beloved friendship is difficult to name. Only the strongest in spirit can begin to truly be friends. It means treating your ex like a friend. And forget that there was an intimate relationship between you. But friendship will not grow into love. You can get a great ally. The former may even help choose a man to replace him. Only if you don't feel the pain of a breakup can you be friends.

How to behave in a relationship with an ex-man

To deal with anger, pride, and feelings of being used, evaluate the following:

How much have you given in a relationship
How much did you get in a relationship
The most beautiful moments
The hardest times

Most likely, you will realize that you do not owe your ex, and he does not owe you. Think that he also experiences all your emotions. And you can let go of negativity.

Important! Acute resentment against an ex can deprive you of joy in a new relationship! Consult a psychologist if you cannot let go of the past yourself!

But what not to do is the following:

Impose communication
Chase
Taunt his new passion
Impose services "for old friendship"

Calls in the middle of the night and crying into the phone, suicide threats, blackmail - this is your initiative. He doesn't owe you anything! Don't hurt your ego, don't be humiliated. If a man returns out of pity, then either he will make hell out of the relationship, or he will deceive literally in everything. But definitely not love.

Ex-boyfriend wants a relationship back

After parting, he cooled down, assessed all the pros and cons, looked around and realized that he needed you? If you do not want to take it, then do not shout or swear. Don't blame him. Better take some time to think, calm down and tell him you won't come back.

Do you love him? And suddenly the ex-boyfriend wants to return the relationship? How to start them again?

Take your time! Take time to think! Consider all past mistakes, but look at him as a stranger. Again - that is, from the very beginning. With the romance of walks and dates. Pretend that you do not know, but simply guess his tastes. Show yourself from the other side - different clothes, different hairstyle, different interests. Even other turns in speech.

But it's best to hint to him first that you want a "new" relationship. Try not to set rules and limits, prohibitions and conditions. Or you will part again in three months.

Relations with an ex-man: conclusions

From our article, we have learned what relationships with an ex-man are like. How to deal with the resumption of relations with the former or how to end them forever. And what to do so that the relationship with the former does not affect the future life.

Be happy! See you on our blog!

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“it’s not a river,” those who don’t mind rekindling a romantic relationship with a former partner may answer. In general, people are divided into those who fundamentally do not practice second attempts, because they do not believe in their success, those who are waiting for their former love to come to their senses and return to them, and those who, in principle, do not mind trying again. Today I want to talk about when it's a bad idea to hook up with an ex and when it's not.

It does not make sense to converge with the former / former:

if you systematically changed- this is not a one-time clouding of reason or a mistake made in a drunken stupor; regular - this is a pattern of behavior that a person has developed in relation to you. Whatever he says now, seeking the resumption of your relationship, believing that the pattern of behavior will not return is naive.
If you broke up due to irreconcilable differences and nothing changed. If your views on the main components of life together did not and still do not coincide with your former partner: where to live, get married or not, whether to have children, who should work and who should take care of the house, etc., then converge does not make sense, no matter how much you and he would like it.
If reason for parting still stands between you or may emerge at any moment. It happens that couples work out the reason or it, so to speak, eliminates itself - then one more attempt can be made. But if you know that the reason has not gone away, then the end of this relationship will be very similar to the first parting.
If the main reason why you are ready to return to the former is fear of a relationship with a new person. Ask yourself why did you think about getting together with a former partner? Often the reason is that you already know each other, are used to each other, feel safe, do not expect any surprises. But there is a big difference between the former and the new potential partner - you didn’t succeed with the first one once, and this darkens the prospects for your future, and the other person is the one with whom you have at least one more chance of success.

It makes sense to get along with the former / former:

After long break during which each had a different relationship. John Gray describes this well in his books, the essence of his thoughts is as follows: if, after parting with a partner, we do not see him for several years, we live our lives, and, most importantly, we try to build relationships with other people, we learn, change, evolve. In the course of our development, we can consciously or unconsciously outgrow the problems that led to the breakup, so when former partners meet again, they discover not only mutual attraction, but also feel the changes that have occurred in each of them. Perhaps such a second attempt has the most chance of success.
If you yourself don't understand why they broke up. Not all relationships end with a bold and clear point to everyone - sometimes they can end only because the circumstances were unsuccessful or no one fought to save the relationship, because both were busy with something else. I’m not sure that I’m formulating the idea correctly, but if you can’t name the reason why you broke up, but you can name at least one reason why you should get together, you can try.
If you ready to work on yourself and make efforts to develop relationships. Sometimes couples who really want to get back together - feelings remain, there is passion, and this is understandable - they decide to simply close their eyes to the problems that divorced them, and repeat the same ones a second time. These mistakes are given to us in order to learn, and I believe that if both partners are ready for conscious growth within a couple, if the desire to be together is not only strong, but also for development, then getting together with the former is not a mistake, but work on errors that may be.

Dear readers and readers, I am very interested to know your opinion on the topic of the article. What do you think, is it worth getting back together with the former, is there a definite answer, or does it all depend on the specific situation? Leave your opinion in the comments, please.

If you have not read the article "", I advise you to read it before continuing to read, otherwise you will not understand what, in fact, it is about.

How do you know that it is “already possible” to restore a relationship?

First, let's take a look at the chart I posted earlier.

So, how do you know that the guy's attitude towards you has crossed the conditional "zero" at point D and moved to the positive zone?

The first indicator is Time. How much time must pass? There cannot be a clear answer here. It all depends on a number of factors, among which two main ones can be distinguished:

duration and nature of the relationship before the break. Were your relationships smooth and harmonious or accompanied by constant quarrels. What was the gap itself: sharp and unexpected or long brewing like a purulent abscess.
the state of the guy himself after the break. How easy or hard was it for him after he broke up with you. Did he have a new girlfriend and how did their relationship develop.

But in any case, the time period indicated on the chart by the segment C-D will not be short. Usually these are not days or weeks, but months.

The second indicator is Information. If you get information that your ex-boyfriend is asking about you (and it doesn’t matter why he does it), then with a high degree of probability we can assume that his attitude towards you has moved into the positive zone.

The third indicator - Reaction. Your ex stops avoiding you and does not look away at casual meetings. He can also act as the initiator of the beginning of communication with you (under the guise of friendship or something else).

As you can see, everything is very vague. It is possible that you will not have all three indicators and only one will remain - time. This indicator will not go anywhere, you can rest assured.

There is still The fourth indicator is your own state. Remember! Don't try to start rebuilding your relationship until you are past the despair and pain of the loss. Your ally and first mate is common sense.

What to do and how to behave

Your behavior should be even, without manifestations of "peak" emotions. Be restrained, but benevolent and moderately caring. After analyzing your past relationships and realizing the mistakes, you do not have the right to show what caused the gap “not a millimeter”. Negativity, quarrels, resentment, etc. should be avoided by any means.
Make your ex feel comfortable with you like no one else. You have to work hard on yourself. Watch your appearance and facial expression - you should exude confidence, but not arrogance and not a frank desire to please. Don't flirt with him!
Under no circumstances should you start discussing the ups and downs of your past relationship with your ex-boyfriend. And even if he himself suddenly starts a conversation on a similar topic - do not give in and translate the conversation in a different direction. Say that all this is in the past, and you do not want to relive unpleasant moments. Just do it gently and delicately. On the one hand, the guy should not get the impression that you are indifferent to such a discussion, and on the other hand, you cannot show that it hurts you very much.

intimacy

Do not succumb to provocation, no matter how much you would like it. Men treat intimacy differently than we do. Emotional connection and intimacy are completely different things for them, therefore, after such spontaneous sex, your friendship may come to an end, and with it, hopes of restoring relations will die. The same applies to kisses, caresses, etc., as well as conversations on "intimate" topics. You must refuse such things gently, but confidently, so that the man has no doubt that you really do not want this, but not because he is unpleasant for you, but solely for moral and ethical reasons. Let's just say, he must understand that you are not pushing him away, but stopping yourself.
Until it is unequivocally and calmly determined that you love each other and have become a couple again, a rigid taboo is imposed on all intimacy.
Well, in general terms, perhaps, that's all. I tried to give direction and hope it helps you.

FROM THE AUTHOR: My responses in the comments are the opinion of a private individual, and not the recommendation of a specialist. I try to answer everyone without exception, but unfortunately I don’t physically have time to study long stories, analyze them, ask questions about them and then answer in detail, and I also don’t have the opportunity to accompany your situations, because this requires a huge amount of free time, and I have very little of it.

In this regard, I kindly ask you to ask specific questions on the topic of the article, do not try to use the comments for correspondence or chat, and do not expect me to advise in the comments.

If you want to receive qualified assistance, please contact me for advice, and I will devote my time and knowledge to you with full dedication.

With respect and hope for understanding, Frederica

No matter how we are convinced that the past should remain in the past, life sometimes proves the opposite: having parted once, lovers often return to each other after a while - and find true happiness, despite prejudice. What should be taken into account when deciding to start a relationship with an ex, and how to distinguish real feelings from memories of a happy past?

Be honest with yourself

Before deciding on a relationship with an ex-boyfriend, try to honestly answer yourself the question: what exactly drives you? If time has passed since your breakup, you both had the opportunity to think about what happened, conduct a sober “work on the mistakes” and admit that you, despite everything, want to give the relationship another chance, it’s worth a try. But it also happens that an affair with an ex-boyfriend becomes nothing more than a cure for loneliness: once in the status of a single, we longingly remember our former lovers, sometimes idealizing them - according to the principle “what passes, it will be nice” - and forgetting about what made us decide to part ways. An attempt to renew a relationship in this case is likely to turn into disappointment. An even sadder option is a relationship with an ex-boyfriend based on jealousy, the desire for revenge or self-assertion. Remember how in the comedy "Best Friend's Wedding" the heroine of Julia Roberts tries to disrupt the wedding of her ex-boyfriend, suddenly imagining, years later, that he is her true love? In order not to be in her place, try, when answering the question of whether a relationship with an ex is possible, make sure that you are not being led by hurt pride and have not confused real feelings with romantic memories.

Talk heart to heart

So that an affair with a former lover does not become the embodiment of the saying about the old rake, which can be very painful to step on, do not rush to rush into the pool with your head. Find the strength to invite a man to the negotiating table - even if it is a table in your favorite restaurant in a romantic setting - and talk frankly. It is especially important to do this if your parting was not calm and peaceful: it may well turn out that both of you do not need a new relationship, but the opportunity to dot all i and finally say goodbye without holding grudges against each other.

Get ready to start over with a clean slate

When deciding for yourself the question of whether a relationship with an ex is possible, keep in mind that this will be a completely new relationship, and not the next chapter of a once interrupted romance - otherwise it, like that romance, will end in parting. The experience of previous mistakes, of course, is worth considering in order not to repeat the previous scenario. But, having drawn the necessary conclusions, it is important to be able to abandon previous grievances and omissions. The past should be left in the past - as Miranda and Steve did in "Sex and the City": after a painful breakup and almost deciding on a divorce, they followed the advice of a psychologist and made an appointment on the bridge between their neighborhoods - as a sign of readiness to turn the page and start a relationship from scratch.

Trust your intuition

Be prepared for the fact that the relationship with the former will instantly become the number one topic in your communication with loved ones, and you will probably have to listen to a lot of advice and warnings in the spirit of "people do not change" and "you cannot enter the same river twice." Be patient and do not forget: no matter what assessments others give to your actions, only these two know what is really happening between two people. There are many examples when couples found happiness after going through quarrels, partings and even official divorces - sometimes in order to learn the necessary lessons and learn harmony and mutual understanding, such a difficult path is needed.

Get to know each other again

One of the main advantages of being in a relationship with an ex-lover is that you already know each other quite well. You are aware of his habits and characteristics, he knows your character, you know what to expect from each other in sex - in a word, you are already initially close enough to bypass the stage of addiction and grinding. On the other hand, the thrill of first dates and the dizzying delight of first kisses are initially excluded from your scenario - precisely because you do not need to get to know each other.

If you feel that you lack romance - do not rush: try to recreate the period of courtship, dates, let the man conquer you again. Such a seasoned foreplay will require patience, but if you are serious about a new start with your former lover, your efforts will certainly pay off.

Sometimes it happens that, after breaking up with a man and spending some time without him (perhaps even filled with other relationships), you again begin to remember how good it was with the former. As a rule, this happens if all subsequent relationships were not successful, or as a result of an unexpected meeting that made you take a fresh look at someone with whom you had already parted. It also happens that the former does not want to let you go, calls you a hundred times a day, says that he loves you very much and now everything will be different. Pictures from the past pop up in my head, and the pleasant ones shamelessly crowd out those that hurt. You believe in the best and it seems that everything can be started all over again.

In fact, only you yourself can solve the dilemma “can or cannot”. It all depends on the specific case and on the confidence in the person with whom you are again going to connect, if not life, then at least some part of it. There are many different opinions on this matter. Someone thinks that it's worth a try, because during the time spent apart, a lot could change, and even the person himself. Others are sure that if they try to glue a broken cup, it simply won’t work anyway - there will always be only a crack in the place of the crack. Well, ardent opponents do not even allow the thought of resuming relations with the former, explaining their position more than succinctly: “If it has to grow together, it will grow together right away, without any second chances.”

Well, if now you are faced with the choice of whether to enter the same river twice, you should take into account a number of nuances, answer a few questions for yourself that will help you decide and make the right decision.

Remember what caused your relationship to end.

If the reason for the breakup was a mere trifle, and you don’t even remember the details, then everything is much simpler - people often follow principles, do not want to give in, and therefore ruin relationships without wanting to. Perhaps you should try to be together again. But it is necessary to look at the situation in a completely different way, in which treason, deceit and assault took place. Are you ready to endure again everything that you ran away from some time ago? No one can give you a guarantee that these troubles will not happen again. And can you treat someone who once betrayed you with an open heart and soul?

Some girls go into a relationship with an ex solely because of the desire to prove something to him.

Consider if you really want to be with this person.

Some girls go into a relationship with an ex solely because of the desire to prove something to him. Sometimes hurt pride comes into play (for example, in the case of his betrayal), and they begin to meet with the former only in order to take revenge. And sometimes the motive for resuming communication becomes a rather dubious need to show him how beautiful, smart, well-groomed, etc. she is now. Simply put, if he pointed you to those extra pounds, then now that you have lost weight, it's time to wipe his nose and strike him with his beauty. But in fact, such feelings cannot be the basis for starting a romantic relationship. First, you should understand that whatever you are trying to prove, you are proving only to yourself. Neither your ex nor those around you need it. And secondly, it is not at all necessary to become a couple again so that he sees how beautiful you are, it is enough just to appear in front of him “accidentally” in a breathtaking dress at some event.

Jealousy or love?

This point is similar to the previous one, with the only difference being that this case we will talk about jealousy for all the girls of the former who appeared with him after you. Many people suffer from this feeling. It seems to them that he simply has no right to love someone else. “Yes, how is it? I was his best! As soon as I imagine that he is hugging someone, he twitches.” And in this case, without even experiencing something similar to love, you can again try to return the man. But is the game worth the candle? Some time will pass and you won't need it. After your self-affirmation, it will not become easier for anyone - neither you nor your man. And, after all, you are not going to return every ex of yours, just to show yourself that you really are the best?

After your self-affirmation, it will not become easier for anyone - neither you nor your man.

Would you connect your life with him?

This is a really important question that you should answer yourself. At the beginning of a relationship, this is difficult to do - we really do not know who we are dating. But if you have already seen not only the positive, but also the negative qualities of a person (you managed to part because of something), then you will surely be able to admit to yourself whether you want to marry him for life, forever and ever. If the answer is a resounding yes, then it might be worth a try. And if you hesitate, think, close your eyes and see scenes from the past in which you swear, slam doors, then consider resuming the relationship. Most likely, you don’t want to be with this person so much if, thinking about the prospect of becoming one family with him, you begin to doubt.

Do you trust him?

Since the reason for a breakup is often betrayal on the part of a man (we women are also not saints, but now we are talking about something else), the question of trust in him in “repeated” relationships is almost the most important. Let you think that you have forgiven him, let you assure yourself and those around you that now you won’t even think about reading his correspondence on social networks and on the phone, be alone with yourself and answer the question: “Do I trust him so much that I exclude the possibility of another treason?" The scheme is the same as in the previous paragraph: “yes” - try it, doubt it or a firm “no” - then why? By plaguing both him and yourself with suspicion, you will make two people unhappy. You will not be able to live in peace, fearing that you will be betrayed again.

Be honest with yourself - if you renew a relationship that a priori will not bring you happiness, you will only lose time and peace of mind. Of course, you can try, take a chance and see what happens. As they say, if you really want to, then you can. Just please be careful.