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How to deal with aggression in a child, what to do for parents: advice from a psychologist for correcting aggressive behavior. Why do children start to show aggression. Which leads to negative behavior

How to deal with an aggressive child

In the usual sense, aggression is a reaction to a breakdown.
some activities, plans, restrictions, prohibitions
or unexpected difficulties. In any case, the purpose of such behavior is to remove the listed obstacles. And the most common cause of parental concern about their children’s behavior and conversion
children’s aggression is what comes to the experts.

By the way, the most powerful manifestations of aggression are characteristic of children, and of a younger age. Children's aggressiveness usually increases throughout preschool age and only by the age of seven (normally) declines. Psychologists associate this with the fact that by this age the child is already learning to resolve conflicts in other ways, he already has the experience of "letting off steam" in play situations, they become less egocentric and better understand the feelings and actions of other people. But this is normal. If the aggressiveness of your child, as a habitual reaction to obstacles and prohibitions, does not decrease, but only gains strength, then there is cause for concern. A lot during the period of childhood aggression (up to 6-7 years old) depends on the reaction of the parents to it. And here our kids need help and understanding rather than severity and punishment for behavior unacceptable from the point of view of morality.

As numerous studies have shown, the reason for this behavior is always a lack of attention and understanding on the part of adults. But with their behavior, small aggressors only push others away from themselves even more, and their dislike only intensifies the protest behavior of the child. After all, it is the hostile disapproval of others, and not at all internal difficulties, that in most cases provokes the child, arousing in him a feeling of anger and fear. In fact, the behavior that we call antisocial is a desperate attempt by a small person to restore social connections. After all, as a rule, before the outbreak of obvious aggression, the child expresses his need in a softer form, but we, adults, do not see, do not hear and do not understand this.

Should I be punished for violent behavior?On the one hand, research data show (and our everyday experience says the same thing) that if a child once managed to achieve what he wanted by aggression, adults gave in to him, then he will continue to resort to this method to achieve his goal. But punishment for aggression also leads to the same result - to its intensification. After the punishment, the child, perhaps, will stop, for example, fighting in the yard or spoiling things in the house (at least in the presence of someone who can punish for it), but this aggression driven inside will certainly manifest itself somehow else: not at home, so in kindergarten, not in the form of a fight, but in the form of offensive nicknames addressed to peers. Aggression, finally, can be directed at oneself (the so-called auto-aggression) in the form of a desire to hurt oneself, inventing all sorts of hard-hitting stories about oneself, etc., etc. That is, punishments for aggression do not reduce, but, on the contrary, increase its level. After all, if you think about it, punishment is the most vivid example that adults can only give of this very aggressiveness, an example of the fact that it is quite suitable as a measure of influence. All of the above does not mean that you should not react to the child's attacks of aggression.The so-called "behavioral therapy", the "stimulus-response" rule, is quite suitable here. Let the child know that you do not like his behavior and you reserve the right to deprive him of, for example, watching cartoons or going to a cafe or walking with friends. But only this should not sound in a directive form, explain to the kid that any of his actions entails consequences, let him know about it. But at the same time, do not forget to celebrate with praise or encouragement any achievement of the child: he helped a friend, immediately obeyed his grandmother, did something good, and so on.

And one more important rule , which the parents of a child prone to aggression should know: he needs to be discharged, it is necessary to teach him to get rid of the accumulated irritation, to let him use the energy that overflows him for “peaceful purposes”.

It is imperative that your child has as many opportunities as possible to discharge the accumulated negative energy. For active, aggressive children, create conditions that allow them to satisfy their need for movement. This can be group sports sections, and a sports corner at home, or just permission in a certain place (in a sports corner, for example) to do what you want, climb, jump, throw a ball, etc.As a rule, aggressive children do not know how to express their feelings, they suppress them, drive them inside, do not speak, do not try to understand. The result is inevitable breakdowns at home, with loved ones, in a familiar environment where the child is used to relaxing. This does not bring relief to the child, he feels guilty, especially if he was punished for it, hence even greater breakdowns in the future, and the next breakdown will be even more violent and prolonged.Invite the child to be alone in the room and express everything that has accumulated in the address of the person who angered him. Let him know that you do not intend to eavesdrop under the door and then punish him for the words spoken. If a lot has accumulated, allow the child to beat the pillow or sofa, tear the newspaper, write on paper all the words that you want to shout out, and then tear what is written. You can also advise your son or daughter in a moment of irritation, before saying or doing something, take a deep breath or count to ten a few times. And you can also offer to draw your anger, then most of it will remain on paper. There are many ways. The main thing is not to think that something bad is happening to your child, for which you need to scold and punish.

Remember:
little aggressors
need your understanding,
advice, willingness to help,
not anger and punishment.

Aggressive behavior in children can baffle even experienced mothers and teachers. It is not always possible to justify it by small age, whims or malaise. It happens that aggression in a baby becomes the norm and other children are reluctant to meet him on the playground. To help a child cope with their emotions, it is important for adults to understand the reasons for hostility towards the world around them.

In order for the child to become a full-fledged part of the children's team, it is important for parents to analyze the reasons for aggressive behavior.

Causes of aggression

During attacks of child aggression, loved ones should be calm and restrained. It is important to put yourself in the baby's shoes and understand how he or she is feeling. The easiest way to do this is to ask the question: "Why is my son (daughter) now so bad that he (she) wants to throw something or break something, hit someone?" There are not many reasons for aggressive behavior:

  • fear and anxiety in response to a sense of danger emanating from the outside world;
  • defending their rights;
  • desire to become independent and self-reliant;
  • inability to satisfy some desire;
  • prohibitions of adults.

Dealing with hostile behavior should not be limited to subduing a young rebel at any cost. First of all, he needs not punishment, but understanding, care and help. It's easier to label it as "unmanageable", "", but that would be wrong. Only one correct phrase can cool the ardor of a little aggressor. For example, “I don’t like your behavior”, “let's think about whether you can express what worries you in a different way” or “grown-up children do not behave this way”.

Psychologists are looking for the origins of aggressive behavior in the upbringing of the first years of life. They advise either to ignore the angry behavior or to punish the disobedient rebels accordingly. In the first case, the parents “do not notice” the hostility, but actively encourage good deeds. This method is only effective in early childhood and does lead to the gradual fading of anger.


Mandatory encouragement of good deeds is a great way to level the child's excessive aggression.

The influence of the microclimate in the family

The home environment (parents, grandmothers, grandfathers) is the standard by which the younger generation builds behavior.

  • Less aggressive are children whose parents did not show either condescension or serious punishments in their attitude. Their correct position is to condemn hostility, talk openly about it with children, do without severe punishment in case of misconduct.
  • On the contrary, children of corporal punishment-prone parents adopt their example of angry behavior. Toddlers sensitive to parental rigor quickly learn to suppress hostile impulses in their presence. But outside the house, they become nervous, choose a weak victim for the team and act out on it.
  • If punishment is physically painful or upsetting, toddlers may forget the reason and not learn the rules of acceptable behavior. Under pressure from adults, they change a lot, but obey only when they are closely watched.

When does childhood aggression occur?

When a toddler is free from fear and need, he is comfortable. He plays quietly with children or fantasizes about something. Hostility towards adults, peers, the environment arises in such cases:

  • they beat him, they mock him;
  • evil jokes and jokes about the child;
  • parental drunkenness and fights;
  • distrust of parents;
  • jealousy towards one of the family members;
  • the entrance to the house is closed for the child's friends;
  • the child's feeling that he is not loved, ignored;
  • distrust of parents to a child;
  • feeling of undeserved shame;
  • turning against the child of his siblings.

Very often the reason for the aggression is the physical punishment of the child by the parents.

In educating the younger generation, it is recommended to avoid extremes. Equally badly reflected on the formation of personality, the provision of complete freedom and overprotection. Excessive custody of children usually leads to infantilism, inability to withstand stressful situations, and to communicate normally with peers. Infantile children often become victims of aggression from other children.

How is child aggression expressed?

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Aggression in children is an emotional reaction to what is happening. It is not bad in itself, because it gives a feeling of strength, allows you to defend your interests and protect loved ones. Aggressiveness is another matter - a predisposition to attack, destructive actions, a hostile reaction to unwanted changes. Aggressive behavior of a child is expressed in the following:

  • he is sensitive, often offended;
  • blames others for his mistakes;
  • refuses to follow the rules;
  • goes into open conflict with children;
  • looking for a reason for quarrels and minor clashes;
  • reacts to the actions and comments of others, loses control over himself (cries or shows hostility).

For any angry manifestation on the part of the child, children's pediatrician Komarovsky recommends that parents show that they are stronger. In his opinion, aggression is a way to demonstrate superiority over elders, which should not go unnoticed. Komarovsky considers the best solution to be a family visit to a child psychologist who will analyze the situation and provide treatment.


An aggressive child does not avoid direct conflicts, but rather goes into them without a shadow of a doubt

Types of aggression

Aggression in children is largely dependent on temperament. Sanguine kids learn to negotiate. Phlegmatic and melancholic people are greatly offended. Choleric people show anger often and to the fullest. Psychologists distinguish the following types of aggression:

  • physical (attack) - force is used against a person, animal, inanimate object;
  • straight line - directed against a specific subject;
  • instrumental - a means to achieve a specific goal;
  • verbal - the expression of negative feelings through shouts, squeals, quarrels, swearing, threats;
  • hostile - sets the goal of causing physical or mental harm to the object of interest;
  • indirect - malicious jokes, gossip about a certain person, outbursts of rage, stamping feet, punching on the table.

Whatever the reason and type of aggression, the baby falls into a vicious circle. Lacking love and understanding, he repels others with his behavior, causes hostility. This reinforces his negative emotions in response, because the child does not know how to demand attention in another way.

The unfriendly attitude of others arouses feelings of fear and anger in the child. His behavior is considered antisocial, but in fact it is a desperate attempt to create a bond with loved ones. Before the manifestation of obvious aggression, the child expresses his desires in a softer form. As they go unnoticed, hostile behavior manifests itself.


Severe resentment is also a symptom of suppressed aggression.

Aggression and age

The most common manifestations of aggression are found in young children. Despair and anger can already be found in the crying of a nursing infant who has been denied attention. Children 2-7 years old are easily offended, deceived, and with their angry behavior they express a reaction to what is happening. Manifesting in infancy, aggression grows during the preschool period and gradually fades away. With the right upbringing, grown-up children can understand the actions and feelings of others.

If parents do not respond to outbursts of irritability and hostility of the offspring, this behavior becomes a habit. In this case, very soon the child will not be able to behave differently, which will complicate communication with peers and the older generation. Aggressive behavior in preschool children manifests itself in different ways. Its main features are as follows:

  • at 2 years old, babies bite, expressing their rights to their things and worries about the lack of attention from adults (for more details in the article:);
  • at 3 years old, children bite, fight, throw things and toys at each other (we recommend reading :);
  • in a 4-year-old child, aggression weakens after a crisis of three years of age, but when invading his territory in the garden and on the site, he attacks first (we recommend reading:);
  • grown up 5-year-old boys continue to express aggression in physical form, and girls come up with offensive nicknames and ignore friendship;
  • Children 6-7 years old are familiar with the feeling of revenge, can express fear and resentment.

To prevent aggression, it is important to create an atmosphere of warmth, care, and mutual support in the house. Confidence in parental love and protection helps a child grow up and become a successful person. The more self-confident he becomes, the less selfishness will remain in him, the less often negative emotions will visit him. The requirements of adults in relation to their heirs must be reasonable and children must understand what is expected of them.


If the atmosphere of warmth and mutual support reigns in the family, children are unlikely to become aggressive.

How to deal with aggressive behavior of a child?

Attention to your son or daughter is the first step in the fight against aggression. Parents know their child well and can often prevent sudden outbursts of anger. With regard to physical aggression, this is easier to do than with respect to verbal. When a child puffed out his lips, narrowed his eyes or expressed boiling emotions in a different way, he should be distracted from the negativity with a cry, an interesting activity, held by his shoulders or removed his hand.

If the aggressive impulse could not be prevented, it is important to explain to the child that his behavior is ugly and unacceptable. The offender should be severely condemned and forced to remove the devastation caused, and the object of enmity should be surrounded with attention and care. Then the aggressive child will understand how he loses from his behavior and will be more attentive to the advice of his elders.

At first, the child will reject the comments of adults, refuse to clean up after themselves and admit guilt. Sooner or later the phrase "if you are big enough to destroy everything, then you can also clean up after yourself" will be understood by him. Cleaning itself is not a punishment. The argument that the “big” boy should be held accountable for his actions will have a greater impact on the child. After cleaning, it's important to thank the little helper.

Decreased verbal aggression

It is difficult to prevent verbal (verbal) aggression and you will have to react after the offensive phrases are said by the child. It is advisable to analyze them and try to understand the feelings of the offspring. Perhaps he does not know how to express emotions differently, or he wants to experience superiority over adults. When a hostile and nervous child insults other children, adults should teach them how to fight back.

Most aggressive behavior in adolescence occurs as a result of emotionally stressful situations. The guys are infuriated by the imperative tone, the demonstration of strength and power, phrases like: "the teacher is always right", "do as you are told." In situations where parents demand complete submission or teach, they often behave in a hostile manner.

The job of adults is not to demonstrate superiority, but to reduce hostility and prevent conflict. The best way is to provide your teen with psychological feedback. It is advisable to reveal the motives of aggression ("are you trying to offend me?"), To express your attitude to what is happening ("I did not deserve that you talk to me like that"). When establishing an emotional connection, it is important to show interest, firmness and benevolence, to analyze specific actions, and not the personality as a whole.

Emotional and critical comments from adults will cause even more protest and irritation. When communicating with a teenager, one should not read lectures. It is important to notify him of the negative consequences of actions, to discuss ways out of the situation.

An example of constructive behavior - the ability to listen and understand the opponent, allow him to express his opinion, will be useful for the child. It is advisable to communicate and give him recommendations not on the go, but in a calm and confidential atmosphere. It is important for adults to demonstrate a trusting attitude to the problems of a son or daughter, to acknowledge children's feelings ("... I understand how upset you are"). Pauses to help calm down and a sense of humor are useful.


When discussing the topic of aggression with a child, you do not need to get personal - they only talk about actions or manifestations

Games for aggressive children

To reduce the child's unmotivated aggressiveness will be allowed by events at which he can understand that there are other ways to attract attention and display strength. To appear older and more mature, he does not have to assert himself at the expense of the weak, and express dissatisfaction with something with bad words. Psychologists recommend to children such methods of splashing out negative emotions:

  • to tear into pieces a piece of paper that is always in your pocket;
  • shout loudly into the "scream bag";
  • run and jump in the stadium, playground, in the sports section;
  • periodically knock out rugs and pillows (useful for fighters);
  • beat a punching bag;
  • vocalize your feelings ("I'm upset", "I'm angry"), as adults teach.

Water games

Contemplation of reservoirs, observation of the life of the inhabitants of aquariums will calm even the most desperate rebel. Cognitive and active games with water are recommended:

  1. After the rain, run through the puddles. The main thing is for the child to be healthy and wear waterproof shoes.
  2. Pouring liquid from one container to another. The activity will help you focus and cool your anger.
  3. Throw stones into any body of water. At this time, it is important to be close, to monitor the safety of game maneuvers.
  4. Children's fishing, which can be arranged in a basin or bath. It is enough to buy a set of fish with magnets and a fishing rod.
  5. or a water park. These pleasures depend on the material capabilities of adults, but they help the little aggressor get a positive charge and throw out energy.
  6. In the summer - yard games with a water pistol. They will allow you to be active and refresh in the summer heat.
  7. Make waves in the bathroom while swimming. To prevent water splashing on the floor, use curtains and pour half the bath.
  8. Installation of a mini-pool in the yard in the summer. Guys can throw toys at him, blow off boats, splash in each other's faces. It is important to keep a close eye on safety while playing games.

The water element perfectly reduces anxiety and aggression, helps the child get rid of excess energy

Bulk Material Games

Playing with sand and cereals builds perseverance and helps to fight internal stress. Materials can be crushed, crumpled, thrown, observing the result. The loose attributes of the game obediently take any shape and withstand rough human influence. With their help, children throw out their feelings and do not worry about the result. Common sand games:

  • sieving through a sieve or sieve mill;
  • burying figures in the sand;
  • work on the construction of castles;
  • laying out pictures from colored sand.

Creative games

After an angry outburst (expressed in physical or emotional form), you should wait for the child to calm down. Without assessing the behavior, you need to ask him to write down or draw his anger and feelings of the "victim" that he hit or offended. It is important not to be ashamed of emotions, and to describe everything as it was (“I wanted to hit him,” “everything was seething inside me”).

After analyzing these records and putting himself in the place of another person, the child will gradually learn to control behavior, will begin to listen to the feelings of people. When drawing aggression, kids often use black, purple, burgundy colors (more in the article :). Analyzing the picture with your child, you can ask him to add details, make the picture fun. For example, draw good people, a rainbow, bright fireworks, stars. Reception will teach the little aggressor how to manage their feelings.


By inviting the child to express their feelings through creativity, you can understand the root of the problem and rethink it together.

Aggressive behavior can be corrected

It is important for parents and teachers to show an aggressive child how to accurately assess their emotional state and respond in time to signals that the body sends. By correctly deciphering his messages, the child will be able to control his emotions and prevent conflicts. When raising aggressive children, the work of parents and teachers is carried out in three areas:

  1. counseling and training problem children in constructive behavior, acceptable ways of expressing anger;
  2. assistance in mastering the technique that allows you to control yourself during outbursts of anger;
  3. the formation of the ability to sympathy and empathy.

Correction of behavior will lead to a positive result only with systematic work with the child. Inconsistency and inattention to children's problems can only worsen the situation. Patience, understanding, regular development of communication skills with others - this is what will help parents to relieve the aggressiveness of their son or daughter.

(4 appreciated at 4,00 from 5 )

Hello. The son is 5 years old. Shows aggression towards all family members. Outside the house, he is an angel. If something is not for him, he instantly flashes. Can hit, starts screaming, says hurtful words.
I'm worried about what is happening in his garden. He categorically does not want to go there. For all the questions about what is happening, does someone offend you? The answer is no, the garden is boring. When I take him to the garden, he cries and I have to literally drag him around.
I can't understand - maybe I'm doing something wrong? Do I bring him up correctly? Or is something bothering him?

  • Good afternoon. my son in the 5th grade disrupts lessons from young teachers. when speaking, he understands and understands everything. but without me at school he is frankly rude. and talked. and just punished. want to kick him out of school. but the estimates are 3.4.5. in the last school 1, 2, 3, it was easier to study there. I don’t know what to do .. the parents in the class are already against my son and me ..

  • Hello. I don't beat my daughter and treat her kindly. She is 5 years 8 months old. She hits me with strong aggression, clenching her teeth. Bites and pinches, angrily asks: "Well, what hurts you?" I say yes. And this makes her happy and she starts hitting even harder. How can I be in such cases? I give a sedative + magnesium B6.

  • The child is 7 years old, at school he began to behave aggressively, does not listen, reacts aggressively to comments, he wants to hit someone, push. Crazy, crying. What to do?

  • A 9-year-old girl has very strong aggression towards her classmates. But only to those who offend her and make fun of her. She says that she cannot but pay attention, and it is not clear where the anger comes from. Today there was an incident that they even called a psychologist to school. She told him that an evil entity lives in her. And she wished the children and the teacher to burn in hell! She says that she cannot remain silent when they joke about her. I was not registered, there was no such thing in the kindergarten.

    My daughter is 11 years old - in the fifth grade - change of teachers and requirements! Constantly worried that she will be scolded for poor grades. I still have a son, 3 years old. She is very jealous of him. As a result, there was aggression and unwillingness to go to school, hatred of teachers, not understanding why to live. I don’t know how to help her!

    My child has a moderate UR and is aggressive. He lay 2 times a day from the drugs and takes Tizercin, but he got used to the pills, they do not work on him, daily complaints of behavior, aggression, according to the teacher and teachers, does not sit in the classroom, and interferes with other children to study. When contacting, it is stipulated that he eats ugly in the dining room ... At home he behaves better, but basically the same way. I don't want to be transferred to individual lessons, otherwise I think it will run wild. Help please, advise something. Thanks in advance!!

    My daughter is 10 years old, half a year ago we returned from abroad, where we lived for 5 years, that is, since 4 years old she did not have enough friends, lack of communication, especially girls. In the last year, she was friends with two boys a year older and a year younger than her, the boys are very calm, compliant, their daughter led them. Now it is difficult for her to find a common language with her peers, she can swear, be rude, and then she herself suffers from this, I try to talk to her, explain that you need to go to the guys with a kind, smile, positive, but somehow hard for us this adaptation is given ((. She is a late child in the family, we love her, we can spoil her somewhere, we have good, good relations with my husband, we don’t swear, we don’t shout, where did she get this negativity and aggression? I don’t know what to do with it (

    Daughter 2 years old, she attacks children, pushes, bites, what to do. I explain to her what you are doing, she then apologizes and kisses, promises that she will not do this anymore, but still.

    In the fifth grade, two twin girls are studying, one of them, from the first grade, has a frequent change of mood, whims, and aggression towards her sister. In the 5th grade, there were problems with teachers, one of the sisters does not want to go to the blackboard at the request of the teacher, she simply ignores the teacher's request. What can be done in this situation?

    My son is 11 years old, they gave me the desired phone for the new year, my son promised to obey and improve his school performance. He downloaded the game to his phone and is constantly playing, his academic performance has decreased, at home he does not want to do anything to comments, snaps, shouts. Tried to pick up the phone, shows aggression in actions and words. I cannot convey his words, just ashamed and insulting. He was always a kind boy. From childhood he was spoiled, corporal punishment was not used, sometimes scolded. I don’t know what to do about it.

    My 10-year-old daughter behaves aggressively and rude towards me, my grandmother. She doesn’t want to do her homework, denies the obvious, says that she doesn’t need it, that she’s lazy ... I always start to understand her behavior in an amicable way, but all my arguments always lead to conflict. It is very hard from powerlessness in front of what is happening. The daughter is growing up in a prosperous family, she does not need anything. Help understand the reasons for her aggression.

    According to statistics, complaints about the aggressive behavior of a child are most often addressed to psychologists. Let's take a look at the details of childhood aggressiveness: what kind of behavior is considered aggressive and where does it come from? Read about what to do if the child is aggressive: the reasons for the aggressiveness, recommendations for parents, correcting the behavior of the game.

    Aggression and age crises

    What manifestations of the child's behavior indicate the presence of a problem of aggression?

    Observe your child: What behaviors indicate aggressive behavior? He is quick-tempered and often gets into a fight with his peers, can swing at his mother and grandmother (or simply hit them), throws and breaks various objects, shouts and threatens, swears, can offend the animal. These are all signs of aggressiveness. However, this is not a reason to label your child as “aggressive”.

    Such a character trait as aggressiveness is inherent in not a large number of children. Most often, there are many different reasons behind outwardly aggressive behavior.

    Aggression, first of all, is a reaction to a specific situation, most often to an unfavorable one for the child. If parents do not pay attention to such situations and cannot adequately perceive them, then outbursts of aggression can gain a foothold in the child's character, turning into a stable trait.

    "Advice. Do not perceive the aggressive behavior of the child as a tragedy. Remember that this behavior most often appears during periods of age crises (crisis of 3 years, crisis of 6-7 years, teenage crisis of 13-14 years). This means that it will soon pass. "

    Aggressiveness is associated with age-related crises

    Anger or anger- the basis of aggressive behavior. This is important to understand. When a child is showing some form of aggression, ask yourself the question: Is he feeling angry? It is quite simple to determine this: by clenched fists, tense facial expression, clenched teeth.

    Aggressiveness of a child 2-3 years old cannot be compared with cruelty, although it may seem to you that the child is behaving cruelly, tearing off the legs of a grasshopper or hitting his mother with a soft toy on the head. The kid does not yet understand that this is cruel. He still doesn't really know that such actions can hurt. The little one just needs to explain that it hurts. If your baby grabbed your hair, then tell him "I am in pain" and remove his hand. If the baby falls and cries, explain, “You hit, so it hurts. I will help you ”and have pity on him.

    “Coming into the world, the baby does not yet know what can and cannot be done. It is necessary from an early age to instill social norms and rules of behavior, to talk about how not to act. For example, you cannot beat people and animals. "

    Aggressiveness of preschoolers (4-5 years old) manifests itself in its own way. In a kindergarten group, 1-2 pupils usually demonstrate aggression, and this happens unexpectedly. Some of the children are hit on the head with a wooden cube, some are pushed down the stairs, some are destroyed by a toy castle. The violence of preschoolers is rash, unintentional, and more spontaneous. Preschool children still do not understand and do not recognize their cruelty, cannot assess the degree of pain infliction.

    Younger students (6-9 years old) and adolescents (13-15 years old) group aggression is inherent.

    The main reasons for the aggressive behavior of schoolchildren include:

    • demonstration of physical superiority
    • the desire to rise due to rudeness, strength, humiliation of someone
    • preservation of personal dignity
    • revenge for humiliation, insult
    • the student's struggle for high status
    • emotional instability
    • low self-control
    • watching scenes of violence and eroticism in films
    • communication in a "bad" company
    • unfavorable atmosphere in the family.

    Aggressiveness of adolescents can manifest itself if it was not corrected in preschool and primary school age.

    Aggressive behavior in adolescents is common

    Causes of Childhood Anger

    The main causes of children's anger, aggressive behavior:

    • The family and environment of the child affect the presence of his aggressive tendencies.
    • A child's call for help, grief, a feeling of unhappiness.
    • An innate tendency towards violence and destruction.
    • Neurological diagnosis (damage to the nervous system).

    Children who have the above-described reasons for aggressiveness need to be raised more diligently, carefully explaining the consequences of their actions. Sometimes you cannot do without the help of a specialist (psychotherapist, psychiatrist), especially for children who show different inappropriate behavior or tend to deliberately hurt people and animals. Such manifestations can be symptoms of mental illness (psychopathy, schizophrenia, epilepsy).

    Pay attention to factors that increase children's aggression.

    remember, that increase aggression and cruelty can:

    1. Viewing horror films, scenes of violence.
    2. Violent computer games.
    3. The cruel attitude of the parents (if the parents beat, they are indifferent).
    4. Internally, a feeling of unhappiness, misunderstanding by relatives and society.

    What to do about aggressive behavior?

    Respond to aggression to prevent these behaviors from becoming traits.

    React immediately

    If the child acted ugly - tell him about it immediately, without delay. Take him aside and explain to him the connection between his behavior and the consequences. Tell them that if he misbehaves or bites, for example, he will ruin the holiday. Even if you yourself are angry, try not to raise your voice at the child, not scold for disobedience and in no case beat. These measures, although they will not force him to change rapidly, but thanks to them, he will be able to understand that verbal and physical aggression is not always permissible. Set a good example for yourself by pulling yourself together and calmly taking the child aside.

    Follow the plan

    React to violent behavior always the same. Behaving predictably ("You're fighting again, so play while alone"), the little bully will get used to it quickly. He will understand that bad behavior will not make him happy. And this awareness is the first step to self-control.

    Always discuss

    When the child calms down, discuss the incident. It is better to do this in half an hour or an hour: when he has already come to his senses, but has not yet forgotten about the incident. Let the kid explain what caused the outburst of anger ("Kolya, why did you quarrel with Kostya?"). Explain that it is perfectly normal to be angry sometimes, but you should not fight. You can teach your child another way to overcome anger: just leave for a while from the situation or person that brings him dissatisfaction. At this time, it is worth considering your behavior and finding the right way out of the situation.

    "Advice. Special therapeutic fairy tales that can be created together will help to overcome anger. "

    Learn to be responsible

    Teach your child the rule: broke, broke, scattered - everything must be put in order. If you broke a toy, help him fix it. If you crumbled up cookies or scattered cubes, explain what you need to clean up after yourself. Don't punish, just explain to your child the connection between violent behavior and its consequences.

    "Advice. Teach your child to apologize for their unworthy behavior. "

    Notice the child's good behavior

    Reward your child with your attention, approval, if he behaves well (especially if the child's behavior was not at all shining before).
    For example, if the child no longer solves the conflict on the playground with the help of fists, or gives up to ride on the swing to another child. Say that you are proud of your child and explain why: "You did well - this is what educated children do."

    FIllustrate what your child is watching on TV

    De allow the child to watch all TV shows, cartoons and films for a long time. Not all of them are harmless: many of them are filled with fights, screams, scenes of cruelty, threats. If you see something like this with your child on the screen, discuss: “I think this character is not very decent. Did you see how he hit the puppy? You can't do that, right? "

    Keep track of what computer games your child is playing

    Neither young children nor adolescents will benefit from computer games filled with scenes of violence, ugly characters, and a dark plot. Offer them other, brighter, interesting virtual designs.

    "Advice. If you see that your child is prone to aggression, often behaves differently from other children, and attacks of aggression cannot be subdued, do not hesitate to contact a specialist - a psychologist, psychotherapist or psychiatrist. Without taking action on time, you can expect difficulties in learning, communication and personal development. "

    Corrective games

    Play therapy Is a great way to correct behavior. What games can help an aggressive child?

    Game "Toy in the fist"

    Let the child close his eyes. Put a toy in his hand. Now let him clench his fist tightly and tightly and hold it for some time. And then he will open his hand and look at the toy. This game will relieve the child's stress and switch him to positive emotions.

    Game "Pouch of wrath"

    Get a so-called "bag of anger". To do this, you need a simple balloon, where you need to pour flour, sand or some kind of grind any small cereals (about half a glass). Tie the resulting pouch. Show your child a new toy, explaining that the "bag of anger" can be used whenever you are angry with someone. It can be thrown, hit against a wall or a table. This is how the child will express their aggressive emotions.

    Attentive parents can do a lot to prevent and correct aggressive behavior in children.

    What can the parents of an aggressive child do in the first place?

    1. Recognize his feelings, and also not hide yours. By doing this, you will teach your child to talk about what he is experiencing, what he needs.
    2. To teach to express aggression in acceptable ways (see games).
    3. Establish rules of conduct in the family and require them to be observed.
    4. Ask all family members to bring up the child in accordance with the same tactics.
    5. Loving the child, helping him to become good.
    6. Demonstrate your own positive example.
    7. Offer the child alternative ways to release energy (sports, active games).
    8. Do not overload the child with activities.

    Love, an attentive and patient attitude towards the child, the positive behavior of parents can do wonders - to direct the child's aggression in a different direction, to teach him to be kind and self-possessed.

    Children are one of the most pressing problems not only for doctors, educators and psychologists, but also for society as a whole. The relevance of the topic is undoubted, since the number of children with such behavior is growing rapidly. This is caused by the summation of a number of unfavorable factors:

    1. deterioration of the social conditions of the life of children;
    2. the crisis of family education;
    3. the school's inattention to the neuropsychic state of children;
    4. an increase in the proportion of pathological childbirth, leaving consequences in the form of damage to the child's brain.

    6. Maintaining the child's positive reputation.

    It is very difficult for a child, especially a teenager, to admit that he is wrong and defeated. The worst thing for him is public condemnation and negative assessment. Children and adolescents try to avoid this at all costs, using various mechanisms of protective behavior. Indeed, a bad reputation and negative labeling are dangerous: once they gain a foothold in a child / adolescent, they become an independent incentive for their aggressive behavior.

    To maintain a positive reputation, it is advisable:

    Publicly minimize the adolescent's guilt ("You don't really feel yourself", "You didn't want to offend him"), but show the truth in a one-on-one conversation;
    - do not demand complete submission, let the teenager / child fulfill your demand in his own way;
    - to offer the child / teenager a compromise, an agreement with mutual concessions.

    By insisting on complete submission (that is, that the child not only immediately does what you want, but also in the way you want), you can provoke a new outburst of aggression.

    7. Demonstration of a model of non-aggressive behavior.

    An important condition for the upbringing of "controlled aggression" in a child is the demonstration of models of non-aggressive behavior. With manifestations of aggression, both sides lose their composure, a dilemma arises - to fight for their power or to resolve the situation in a peaceful way. Adults need to behave non-aggressively, and the younger the child is, the more peaceful the adult's behavior should be in response to the aggressive reactions of children.

    Adult behavior, allowing to show a model of constructive behavior and aimed at reducing tension in a conflict situation, includes the following techniques:

    Non-reflective listening ( non-reflective listening - This is listening without analysis (reflection), which gives the interlocutor the opportunity to speak out. It consists in the ability to be attentively silent. Both words are important here. Silence - because the interlocutor wants to be heard, and least of all are interested in our remarks; carefully - otherwise the person will be offended and communication will be interrupted or turn into a conflict. All you need to do is maintain the flow of the interlocutor's speech, trying to make him fully speak out.);

    A pause allowing the child to calm down;
    - instilling calmness by non-verbal means;
    - clarification of the situation with the help of leading questions;
    - use of humor;
    - recognition of the feelings of the child.

    Children quickly adopt non-aggressive behaviors. The main condition is the sincerity of the adult, the correspondence of his non-verbal reactions to the words.

    Types of aggression in children and ways of building relationships.

    1. Overactive-aggressive child.

    It is more difficult for motor disinhibited children to be disciplined and obedient. Such children, brought up in a family like an "idol" or in an atmosphere of permissiveness, falling into a peer group, can become aggressive. It is necessary to competently build a system of restrictions, using, among other things, game situations with rules. Encourage children to admit their own mistakes. Teach them not to blame others. Develop a sense of empathy, compassion for others, peers, the adult and living world.

    2. Aggressive, resentful and exhausted child.

    A child's sensitivity can be associated not only with shortcomings in upbringing or learning difficulties, but also with growing pains, the characteristics of the maturation of the nervous system and the body. Hypersensitivity, irritability, vulnerability can provoke aggressive behavior. Help the child to release mental stress, tinker with him in a noisy game, beat something. And try to avoid situations of overexertion if the child is almost always aggressive.

    3. Aggressive child with oppositional defiant behavior.

    If a child is often rude, but not to everyone, but only to parents, people he knows, then, probably, something is wrong in your relationship: you rarely study and communicate with the child; you are no longer a role model like you used to be; the child is bored, has nothing to do, and he transfers his own mood and problems to you, shifts responsibility for his behavior. Try to solve problems together, in cooperation with the child, but not for him.

    4. Aggressively fearful child.

    Hostility, suspicion can be a means of protecting a child from an imaginary threat, "attack". Work with fears, simulate, that is, create a dangerous situation and overcome it together with the child, while the situation should be on the verge of pleasant with unpleasant with a predominance of pleasant.

    5. Aggressively insensitive child.

    There are children whose capacity for emotional response, empathy, compassion for others is impaired. The reasons can be in unfavorable conditions of family upbringing, violations of the child's intellectual development, as well as in the features of emotional coldness, callousness, flattening, increased affective (emotional) excitability, which are transmitted from the parents or relatives of the child.

    Such a child is often irritated or, on the contrary, indifferent, pushes, fights, speaks offensive words, treats animals rudely, and at the same time it is difficult for him to understand that the other, that is, offended, is bad or hurt.

    Try to stimulate humane feelings in such a child: have mercy, pet cats and dogs, take care of animals; Draw the child's attention to the sad, depressed state of the other person and stimulate the desire to help.

    If this does not help, teach the child to take responsibility, - "work out" for his aggressive behavior ("Now go and apologize" - "pat on the head" - "shake hands" - "offer a toy to the child offended by you", etc.). NS.).

    Aggressive behavior and stubbornness are not only a form of negative and hostile social disorder, but also asserting their right to be protected from interference or abuse from others. A stubborn and aggressive child is usually prone to quarreling with adults, who often neglect his dignity, scold him, and tend to easily give free rein to anger or aggression. Our psychologist will tell you what to do if you have an aggressive child.

    What if the child is aggressive?

    It is very important that the therapist pays more attention to working with parents, as their behavior has a direct impact on the children. All participants in the therapeutic process must understand the purpose of the treatment and direct their own opinion towards achieving better results.

    Experts are unanimous that antisocial disorders, including if the child is aggressive, more often occurs in families where the behavior of the parents knows no boundaries. Oppositional behavior is also common among hyperactive children. In these cases, successful treatment of the hyperactivity disorder usually relieves other behavioral problems as well.

    For children whose oppositional behavior is not associated with hyperactivity, the mainstay of treatment is therapeutic work with the child and his family. Parents must learn to behave correctly and understand that they should abandon negative conclusions about children who protest against the rude behavior of their parents.

    Most aggressive children are likely to be convinced that their behavior is acceptable and effective. Young children constantly test their surroundings by action, as they cannot clearly express their intentions in words. If they are allowed to do so, they express their irritation by scattering toys or throwing them at playmates who respond in kind. Children are soft and indecisive by nature, deeply perceive the teachings of adults and, when a similar situation is repeated, they stop supporting the aggressive behavior of other children.

    Particularly harmful is an inconsistent reaction to a child's aggression, which is sometimes punished and sometimes ignored. Children cannot understand the meaning of such contradictory behavior of adults. The frustration that occurs in such cases can further lead to aggressive behavior.

    How to behave at the moment of a child's aggression

    To cope with the child's aggression, it is necessary to establish and maintain contact with him. Eye contact is an important medicine through which you give your child love. With eye contact, you are looking favorably at the baby, and the baby is looking at you.

    Eye contact with him is light and casual, such as when you look at a baby who smiles back at you. True, it can be very difficult.

    When your child is angry with you and noisily expresses his own rage, but you have problems and you feel that there is still a drop - and your patience will run out, then you will not want to think about looking into his eyes with love. But you need to do this because of yourself and the child. Since this is extremely difficult, you will need to talk to yourself during the child's outburst. That is to calm yourself down.

    This will undoubtedly help you not to lose self-control, even in a state of anger. When you are angry, it can be hard to convince yourself of this. However, this is the only way to train him to manage his own rage. This self-talk will undoubtedly help you establish a friendly eye contact with him at this difficult, principled moment.

    Regardless of the actions of the aggressive child, the contact really works. If your child is staring at you mercilessly, you may want to look away. But avoiding eye contact will only increase his rage.

    Of course, in no case, do not vent your anger on him. Children perceive this more strongly than mental or physical pain.

    Physical contact

    When an aggressive child does not want to make eye contact, that is, still physical contact. Studies show that few children have quite a lot of such contacts that are able to replenish his emotionality. When everyone is fine and glorious, then both children and parents perceive him as a merit. In difficult days, physical contact becomes salvation.

    When a child is angry, he is so absorbed in his thoughts that he loses orientation and does not understand what is happening around him. During such periods, gentle, light, quick touches help. True, if the aggressive child is still angry with you, then it is better to do without physical contact until he is at peace.

    Any child needs to be given time. And give him a lot of time so that he knows that he is the most important person for you in the whole world. To cope with a child's anger, you first need to know who he is. And then apply typical methods.

    “My daughter is four and a half years old. In the past few weeks, I began to notice her aggressive behavior (in kindergarten I bit and pinched a girl, and she often comes with bruises myself). At home we talked about it, and after a couple of days everything happened again.

    When you begin to explain to her that this is not good, she covers her ears with her hands and says: “Enough, I understood everything,” but then everything starts again. The child is aggressive, stubborn, often pretends not to hear when I call her or ask her to do something.

    Even in early childhood, she showed independence and independence, now she puts on only what she chooses. Hyperactive, not a minute in place and not a minute of silence, although this is not a bad thing. But she is very worried about her aggression and stubbornness, how to cope with it, exactly how to cope, and not fight. We tried, but nothing helps, it gets even worse ... Lala Grigoriadis. "

    What to do if you have an aggressive child, psychologist Elena Poryvaeva answers:

    The ability to stand up for oneself, in general, is useful for children, including girls; however, you describe a slightly different behavior - in the first place, rather inadequate. For example, you say that a girl comes from kindergarten bruised - and does not draw any conclusions from this, continuing to do the same.

    This means that there is some kind of incentive that provokes and even makes her behave this way. Do not forget that children are a kind of barometer of the weather in the house, that is, a mirror reflecting relationships in the family, primarily between significant adults.

    In your case, the girl is non-contact even in relation to her parents - when they try to tell her something, pinches her ears, etc. An aggressive child cannot sit quietly, because ... Pay attention to your behavior ... Ask, maybe something provokes your daughter to such behavior in kindergarten ...