admin

How long will the economic crisis last? People are interested in the reasons and ways of getting out of it, worrying about their quality of life. But for some reason they don't learn to understand psychology. Although understanding the laws of the family life cycle is more important than material moments.

Any family, as a social system, also goes through stages, and the transitions between them are just crises. From which they come out both with losses and with victories.

Family stages and crises

The family, as an organism, goes through cycles: birth, formation, development. The disintegration of a family can occur at any stage, but it is most likely during the transformation of intra-family relations, to which the members of the “social cell” are not ready to adapt.

The family life cycle is the history of family events and relationships. Stages are a collection of significant episodes. Back in 1948, psychologists E. Duval and R. Heal spoke about 24 periods in the development of family relations. Subsequently, the cycles were reduced to seven important steps. What do you need to know about natural changes in family life?

The first crisis is a young family

The first crisis awaits a young family. It is not for nothing that the year from the date of the wedding is popularly called the "Chintz wedding", which implies the fragility and vivid diversity of the relationship between the spouses. Dissimilarity of characters, habits, foundations create a kaleidoscope of happy moments and "lapping" quarrels. The same phenomena occur in civil families. Sometimes this cycle takes up to five years.
What will be more will determine what will be the way out of the first crisis period. Negotiations and agreements are the main weapons at the stage of the emerging family in order to. If you manage to find compromises, learn how to smooth out contradictions, stop in time when anger begins to speak, and not reason, help each other, and not infantilely shift responsibilities, then family life will turn into a new quality.

The birth of the first child

The first child is considered a tough turning point. When the family moves from a childless couple to the status of a complete family, concentration on each other is broken. And building a relationship in which a new participant has appeared requires wisdom and patience on both sides. For this, it is important that the emotional attachment of the spouses grows into friendship. Otherwise, everyone will become isolated on their own problems and claims.
Sometimes a woman thinks that she will receive a lack of love from her husband from her baby. But, faced with the responsibilities of the mother, he falls into depression, realizing that he has to "give" again more. Therefore, the birth of a child should be approached carefully and together prepare for a new stage in the family.

A woman goes through tremendous stress: physical, hormonal, psychological. A man, too, but his task is to understand the state of his spouse and not oppose his functions of a "breadwinner" to those of his parents. After all, a father is also a parent. At this stage of life, the ability to help each other is important.

If there were contradictions before the birth of the baby, they are exacerbated. Therefore, one should not think that a newborn will breathe life into a disordered relationship, although this happens occasionally. But more often, the problems put on pause will again make themselves felt in the next crisis period.

Crisis 3 years

Which comes when the child reaches three years of age. At the stage of a family with preschoolers 3-6 years old, mothers leave the decree to work. In addition to household chores, professional ones appear. There are new pressures on both spouses. The feeling that there is simply no personal life leads to depression and nervousness.

The kid is acclimatized in the kindergarten. The introduction of a nanny or grandmother into the family also entails a number of questions: the problem of the unity of requirements for the behavior of the child, preparation for school, preschool development.

Rebuilding your lifestyle in this cycle without succumbing to natural stress is not an easy task, but it can be done. If you realize that it will become easier when everything is "on track". Control negative emotions, conduct dialogues and strive for harmony. Friendship must transform into respect and full acceptance of a partner with all the shortcomings

Crisis of couples with children 6-12 years old

A married couple with children 6-12 years old attending school - a middle-aged family, for the first time realizes that the first-born will leave them sooner or later. And spouses have different attitudes towards the prospect of being alone with each other.

At this stage of life, the crisis stages of family members intersect: the appearance of a second child, loss of work or transfer to another place, a midlife crisis in men, diseases of the older generation.

The increase in spending adds elements of a financial crisis in the family, which contributes to an imbalance in the system of relationships.

Another reason for the crisis is that the product of joint "nurturing" is under review and the mistakes of the parents become apparent. Checking the effectiveness of upbringing reveals intra-family contradictions and conflicts for outsiders.

It is not always possible to harmonize the combination of career and upbringing. Distortions affect the state of mind of all family members directly or indirectly.

Ideally, at this stage of full knowledge of each other, true love for a partner comes. But if the relationships in the previous life cycles are not finalized, mutual claims do not allow us to act as a "united front" against the problems. And most often, in terms of the psychological atmosphere, a middle-aged family is the most disturbing and restless stage of the entire life cycle. Because there comes "satiety" with each other, and there is a thirst for new sensations and emotions.

Adolescent crisis

When the oldest child grows to, most parents start. The stage of family life with older adolescent children is a crisis due to the children reaching puberty and the challenges associated with this process. And also with the ongoing physiological and psychological changes of the married couple themselves. Re-evaluating life experiences opens the eyes to missed opportunities. Own failures are taken out on the partner. Men can seek outside confirmation of their masculinity and wealth.

Maintaining the hierarchy in the family is possible if a flexible system of rules is built and intra-family communication is established.

Children leave their father's house

The stage when children leave their home makes the spouses evaluate their relationship without children. The nature of relationships with children striving for independence is changing. Reconsidering the daily routine, changing habits and rhythm causes tension. This is especially true for non-working women, who are undermined by the idea of ​​their importance if motherhood was the main activity and self-expression. Only the ability to fill the void with other activities will help to survive the crisis at this stage.

Empty nest stage

Empty nest stage . 50% of couples get divorced when it comes to the understanding that nothing else connects with each other. Age-related deterioration in health, retirement, a loved one cause crisis experiences. The common interests of the spouses can survive them. Living the life of matured children is not worth it. After all, finally, you can devote all the time to each other.

The loss of one partner is the next crisis of the same life cycle. The solution will be to build new relationships with families of adult children and grandchildren. Focusing on further work or. Creation of a new family is also possible.

Additional causes of family crises:

Treason.
Change in income levels. And even if they grow.
Serious and long-term illnesses.
Change in the composition of the family: the death of one of the members, the arrival of the parents.
Lifestyle changes, drastic changes, moving.
Force majeure: military action, political differences.

When the spouses realize the stages in the development of family relations, there is an understanding that feelings do not pass, but acquire an updated form. Each cycle has its own meaning. No strong relationship is possible without crises. Passing them, a person becomes mature, spiritually grows and hardens.

Crisis management is about changing to fit the role in new circumstances and helping the partner accept these changes. To get out of a family crisis to a new level of mutual assistance and mutual understanding by establishing relationships that are appropriate for the situation. If partners do not want to change, then alienation grows with every stress and will inevitably lead to the disintegration of the family.

Signs of a family crisis

Not every fight is a crisis. Competition, anger, irritation, and in a completely prosperous period. And crisis moments are not always manifested by quarrels. How many life stories in which an outwardly calm married couple quietly and almost peacefully parted.

In addition to scandals and mutual discontent, there are other signs of a crisis in the family:

Lack of mutual understanding and common opinion on any life issues.
Wiping out intimate life.
Spouses do not try to please each other.
All questions regarding children,.
Partners are annoyed for any reason.
One of the spouses constantly gives in to the opinion of the other. Because of this .
"Family psychopathy" - when there is no empathy and understanding of the feelings of the other.
Desires to share their experiences, joys and problems disappear.
Husband and wife do not communicate and spend time at work or outside the family.

The main thing is to understand in time that discord is a component of a new stage in marital relations.

How to deal with a family crisis

If you realize that your couple is going through a crisis, this is half the battle in getting out of it successfully. How to cope with a family crisis and bring relationships to another level?

Communicate. Take turns talking about all the problems and mutual complaints.
State the general rules, assign responsibilities.
Come to a compromise, that is, to a result that will suit everyone.
Know how to apologize if you understand that you made a mistake. ... If you are not ready, then instead of ignoring, explain your condition, postpone the conversation.
Do not criticize your partner in front of witnesses.
In making claims, do without insults and generalizations.
Don't provoke your partner. If he is already in, help him.
Do not act rashly. Avoid hasty decisions.
Look at your partner with new eyes, find new points of contact.
See a psychologist.

Only with the cooperation of the spouses, the mutual desire to preserve the relationship and transfer it to a different quality, do they come out of crises renewed and united. Don't give up, work on yourself, do your best in every life cycle to save. To be victors, not defeated.

February 26, 2014

The family is the most important social institution for the formation and development of a person's personality. The importance of family pedagogy in the formation and development of personality in different epochs and different thinkers was assessed in different ways. Plato, T. Campanella, K. Helvetius, S. Fourier, for example, believed that family education is inferior to social education and in itself has a negative impact on human development. However, practice has shown the inconsistency of such views. After all, the physical, mental and moral development of a person largely depends on the perfection of the family. The primary socialization of a person, and therefore his upbringing and education, begins and, above all, takes place in the family. It is here that all the foundations of the future personality are laid, since the family, said I. A. Ilyin, is the primary bosom of human culture, the island of a person's spiritual life. It is in the family that the child's first "we" is formed: mom, dad, I am our friendly family. This is precisely the huge role of the family in the implementation of the primary socialization of a person - initiation into joint (collective) life. Indeed, in the family, the main tasks of the growth and upbringing of a person are solved:

• - the foundations of a person's character are laid;
• - mental hardening is carried out;
• - there is an accustoming to self-control and the requirements put forward to it;
• - the truthfulness and sincerity are defended;
• - discipline is established;
• - a sense of one's own spiritual dignity is formed, etc.

It is wrong to think that a family should and is engaged only in

education. Of course, teaching a child is the prerogative of an educational institution. However, in this regard, it is important to understand that education is impossible without training. A person learns from birth to the end of his life. He learns from the world around him, from his parents, at school, at university, at work. Learning is not only about gaining theoretical knowledge, mastering science. Learning is also the process of growing up, clarifying and defining a child's attitude to the world, finding his place in society. Such training is inseparable from upbringing and is carried out everywhere, but above all, of course, in the family.

It is known that the family is a social unit in which the entire system of social relations is reproduced in miniature. Family is the ego relationship between husband and wife, parents and children. This definition of the family, which belongs to Aristotle, was reproduced almost literally by many scientists, including the ego made by K. Marx and F. Engels in "German Ideology". Of course, this definition does not cover all the existing varieties of the family (according to A. Toffler's calculations, there are 86 species). However, this definition directs us to consider such, still the most common family union, in which there is a close relationship and interaction of close people, relatives living together and leading a common household. This union is the so-called nuclear family, which is formed by the relationship between spouses and children. True, the nuclear family is increasingly being ousted by family unions of childless spouses or single-parent families in which one of the parents is raising children. Statistics show that now almost every third child is born out of wedlock or in an unregistered marriage. Unfortunately, this is already becoming a social norm. By the way, it is families with children that retain their most important social functions, such as childbearing, upbringing and teaching children, i.e. in general, their socialization - preparation for future adult life. In this regard, it is important to emphasize that the true mission of the family is children. Hegel said this very well in his "Philosophy of Law": the family ends with the upbringing of children. Only by realizing this function, a person can say that he left his mark on life, that together with his child the life of his family will continue. This is true both from a biological and a social point of view, so that we do not speak or think about this. Indeed, the germ cells carry in themselves in a concentrated form information about their producers, and at the moment of joining the germ cells they acquire the meaning of the whole organism. But at the same time, there is also a supra-individual development of a person: the personality of the parent continues itself in another person - his child outside the immediate act of interaction. This is what F. Nietzsche most likely meant when he said that parents continue to live in their children. For the child, the mother and father are of the greatest importance not only in childhood, but also when they become adults. The image of the father and mother in adult children, no matter what age they are, remains with them even after the death of their parents. First, during the first three years of children's life, parents influence their subconsciousness, and therefore manifest themselves in them in a sensual way. All sensual images of the child of this period are erased from his memory, and therefore he has little to say about his feelings towards his parents. And then on the mother and father, their forms of interaction with each other and with children, the already conscious images of parents depend, which will most likely be copied in the life and their own family relationships of their adult children.

Thus, the birth and upbringing of a child is of lasting importance both for the person who gives life and for the one to whom this life is given.

However, having a child imposes a huge responsibility on the parents. I. Kant wrote about this very well in his "Metaphysics of Morals": for the actions of a husband and wife (parents) when they arbitrarily give birth to a child (son, daughter) without his consent, the parents are obliged to do so as in their the power to make their child happy with his condition. In other words, having a child is a common duty of parents and family. This means that this duty also implies the right (more precisely, responsibility) of parents to raise and support the child until he is able to support and feed himself, but also to form and educate him.

Unfortunately, many people attribute this responsibility solely to maintaining the growth of the child, and leaving everything else to chance. You can often hear: the main thing is to feed, drink, clothe, and everything else, as it were, will happen by itself. By the way, this approach to their children is very characteristic of the idle classes of the past. In memoirs and fiction, one can often find the memories of one or another of their author about how his father condescended to talk with him only once. And some gentlemen didn’t recognize their own offspring when they met them on walks. Of course, all this could be considered a curiosity if it were not for the widespread belief (belief) that anyone who can give birth to a child can raise him. Meanwhile, real experience, the life practice of many families shows that this is far from the case. Someone does not even think about raising their children and leaves everything in this matter to chance, relying on their intuition (well, of course, if there is intuition and it does not fail). Someone most often reproduces in the upbringing of their own children the experience of their parents' treatment of him in childhood. Such a person thinks something like that he was mercilessly punished in childhood for all sorts of misdeeds, but he grew up, got on his feet, and that's why he, too, following the example of his parents, must keep his child in strictness, severely punish him for the slightest mischief ... Or, say, such a father or mother argues: as a child, my parents did not spoil me with purchases of toys, new clothes, for most often I wore darned clothes, so I will not pamper my child either - but I will grow up as an unspoiled person. Such common arguments of people say a lot about them: these parents do not think about the fact that all upbringing is generated by their own time, the specific social environment of the environment, and not everything that was in the past experience is suitable for modern treatment of children. Still, it is necessary to take into account the time gap in the upbringing of different generations: parents, when they were children, and today's children. Naturally, all this gives rise to a lot of problems: misunderstandings, resentments, conflicts between parents and children.

To get rid of most of these problems could help knowledge of the general principles (patterns) of family education - approved pedagogical technologies of their conduct, if the parents knew them. However, many of our parents today simply do not know this, because they are often either overly busy with themselves or their careers, or are lazy and not curious and believe that everything will work out by itself. However, as practice shows, nothing happens by itself, without some effort, actions do not happen.

Having a child is not just the greatest event in the life of a spouse and their loved ones, but it is also a colossal burden for the whole family, radically changing (complicating) existing relationships. After all, one cannot fail to see that each of the spouses who have become parents has their own interests, affections, careers, and all this has to be rebuilt overnight. The appearance of a child in a family can become the main reason for a decrease in the level of the family's material security. It is estimated that the appearance of the first child in a family reduces its standard of living by about 30%. In this regard, the question of how many children to have and with what age interval (if there are several of them) no longer seems insignificant. People of the older generation usually say that before, large families were traditional, where there were four or six children and even more, and there were no problems. However, it is not.

Large families, their upbringing potential has its positive and negative sides. On the one hand, there is no ground for the formation of egoism; such important human qualities as responsibility, tolerance, sensitivity, and independence are more successfully formed. Children in such families can correlate their needs with real opportunities, they grow up hardworking and know how to do a lot on their own. On the other hand, a child in such families sorely lacks the personal warmth and attention of parents. He is extremely limited in his desires and aspirations. Hence, anxiety often arises in him, a feeling of inferiority is formed, which often contributes to the development of aggressiveness. It is not for nothing that they say that aggression is a person's squeezed complexes, driven inside themselves. By the way, children from these families are 3.5 times more likely to take a socially dangerous path of behavior and, having become adults, often express their grievances against their parents.

Raising a single child, as is common today, is a much more difficult task than raising several children. An only child usually becomes the center of the family, everyone revolves around him, pampered, fulfilling his every whim. Love for him is distinguished by nervousness, and this is understandable, since the fear for him does not leave the parents for a minute. Willy-nilly, an egoist is brought up, an extremely busy being only with himself, since his “I” is excessively hypertrophied, and, consequently, his irrepressible demands on the people around him. As an only child in the family, he does not have anyone close to him in age with whom he could play or measure strength, and therefore, naturally, he identifies himself only with his parents, striving to do the same as they do. Due to the fact that parents consider their child a miracle of the world, they fully encourage his behavior, which is clearly not age-appropriate, and never object to him in anything, because they are afraid of losing his love. Often such a child gets used to his exceptional position and becomes a real despot in the family: he is capricious, impatient, unrestrained. In this case, pedocracy is practically established in the family - the unlimited power of such a child, spoiled by the upbringing of parents, over adults. And, if, for some reason, his exceptional position disappears and much less attention is paid to him (this usually happens when another child is born, for example), this leads to neurotic syndromes and the accompanying consequences of behavior.

The best option is when the family has two or three children, but with a minimum age difference of about two to three years, then parental care is distributed evenly among all. A child in such a family from an early age gets used to the team, gains the experience of mutual love and friendship. By the way, even then, already in adulthood, this affection of brothers and sisters remains.

There are no insignificant issues in family education. Helvetius in his book "On Man" correctly said that in the family, in the house he brings up everything: all the surrounding objects, even, say, for example, the color of the wallpaper in the room where the children are engaged. At the same time, when several children are brought up, this upbringing, as a rule, is uniform, the most the same precisely because of the constancy of the style of family life, domestic behavior. Of course, if at the same time the parents do not violate this monotony themselves and do not specifically single out any of the children, as it happened, for example, in a family where little Z. Freud grew up. But all the same, says Helvetius again, one should never hope that it is possible to give exactly the same upbringing to two children. Yes, probably, this is not necessary, because each person should have something of his own, individual.

In dealing with children, each parent should be aware of the stages of growth (development) of the child and the related features of his upbringing. This is especially true of the stages of formation and development of his spirituality. It has already been said about the age stages of the development of spirituality according to R. Steiner (the age of imitation, the age of authority, the age of the formation of abstract thinking) and the stages of the formation of the ability to comprehend reality according to J. Piaget. It is necessary to supplement the knowledge of the age stages of spiritual growth, the development of children and the related features of upbringing, knowledge and understanding of the criteria for the mental development of people, more precisely, the scheme for the formation of the basic guidelines of a person in relation to himself and his environment. Such a scheme was developed by E. Erickson on the basis of identifying psychological oppositions in the gradual overcoming of the crisis states of their identity by people of different ages. We have already spoken about this and the crisis age stages of human development a little higher. It is also necessary to know that there are so-called crisis ages in the life of every person.

The first crisis age(we have already talked about this) - from three to five to six years - is associated with the formation of gender.

Second crisis age is the most problematic, since it is associated with the pubertal period (from 12 to 17 years) of human development, i.e. intense hormonal and physiological changes in his body. This crisis has also been discussed in general terms. Here I would like to draw attention to the peculiarities of the relationship between adolescents and their parents in puberty. Sharp physiological changes, along with, of course, social changes provoke violent mental dynamics, when adolescents often cannot cope with themselves. During this period, changes in the adolescent become immediately noticeable: a quiet, calm, obedient child suddenly becomes a disobedient, self-willed, sometimes excessively rude and unrestrained person. He suddenly starts skipping lessons at school, even runs away from home, is overly addicted to some of his idols, becomes his fan. All this could be considered the norm, but who of the parents will put up with this behavior of their offspring. Puberty is a period of behavioral, emotional, normative emancipation of a teenager from parents. This means that the growth of his independence also limits the functions of parental authority. Seeking to expand their rights (which means that they either did not have such rights at all, or had very few), adolescents make excessive demands on their parents. At the same time, parental admonitions in youth are no longer perceived as absolutely and unconditionally as in childhood. The older the child, the more real it is that he draws his ideals not from the family, but from a wider circle of the environment. But all the shortcomings and contradictions in the behavior of loved ones are perceived especially acutely and painfully when they relate to the discrepancy between word and deed, and this, as is clear, not only undermines the authority of the parents, but also serves as a practical lesson in adaptation and hypocrisy. By the older grades, the adolescent's behavioral antinomy in families is already so great that his natural desire for autonomy and independent behavior causes acute conflicts. That is why in this crisis, puberty period of growing up of their child, parents should stop putting pressure on the teenager and moderate their educational ardor. This means learning to be discreet.

Another crisis period (third) happens in the life of almost every person in connection with his middle age. This time period is about 40-43 years. Usually little is said about him, but this is a time when a person has a kind of reassessment of values. Everything that was conceived and wanted to have (position, family, children, apartment, country house, car) is already there. And then the usual question arises about what is next, what is the further meaning of life. It was during this period that people, especially men, often leave the family, find a new job and generally somehow change their life attitudes. Fortunately, however, fanaticism practically does not occur during this difficult period.

Knowledge of the peculiarities of a person's mentality and behavior at different age stages of his development contributes to the correct building of a pedagogical strategy in relationships in the family, the foresight and elimination of many conflicts in it.

According to the general recognition of philosophers and teachers, the best environment for the upbringing of mankind is, as Pestalozzi said, the atmosphere of family love. It is this atmosphere of love that is consistent with nature. After all, nature gave the parental feeling of love for their children. This is a very strong feeling that accompanies the whole life of parents. An extremely rare exception is the lack of such a feeling of love for their children, which can be considered as something out of the ordinary, something from the field of mental abnormalities. E. Fromm in his book "The Art of Love" notes that the mother loves the child for what he is, and that such love does not need to be earned, and even more so it cannot be controlled. True, paternal love, he calls conditional love. And this is understandable, the love of a father is also love for his daughter, his son, but it is more rational than sensual love and is usually accompanied by a number of conditions.

Naturally, one must use and not oppose these feelings given by nature, because under the influence of love, the child's relationship to people and the whole world also becomes elevated. But, if there is no love, a completely insensitive, spiritually callous person grows up. Studying the biographies of famous villains (all sorts of maniacs, executioners, rapists), you can see the typical signs of people brought up without love. The fates of these people are similar in one thing: they were mistreated in childhood. As a result of this, cruelty, envy, hatred, and malice were formed in them. They cannot bear it when someone is happy nearby. By the way, psychologists note that a child growing up in a family where harmonious relationships take place, where his parents love him, as a rule, does not get into bad company. After all, he is psychologically healthy and attracts the same psychologically adequate peers. If the child is drawn to a bad company, then this means that the family is not entirely prosperous. So, for example, frequent quarrels between spouses contribute to the fact that the child gets used to such communication between people, and he will be drawn to similar contacts outside the home, because he does not know how to communicate otherwise. Accordingly, he is drawn to a group of peers where aggression and violence take place, if he is constantly faced with this in the family.

Of course, family love for children should be reasonable, measured, and not blind. This love should be combined with exactingness, discipline and compulsory control in relation to them. Naturally, the love of parents - mother, father - should not be completely confined to children to the detriment of their own development. The main business of parents is upbringing, but this absolutely does not mean that parents should completely give up on themselves because of caring for children, for example, quit college, amateur performances, sports, and so on. After all, if they completely focus their feelings only on children and leave taking care of themselves, then they can reap the very miserable fruits of their unreasonable love. First, having stopped developing, the mother and father will inevitably lag behind the growing children. Secondly, by devoting their whole life only to children, parents risk turning this into their whole life's work. So, for example, a woman at the age of 37-39 can become a grandmother and remain her for another 30 years. A lot of time will be spent on guardianship of daughters, daughters-in-law, grandchildren. The only correct decision in this case is not to focus on children from the very beginning. If spouses put their parenting role above all else, their children may develop unjustified self-esteem, they begin to take themselves seriously too early, and they consider their judgments and assessments to be absolutely indisputable. Therefore, love for children should not put spouses in a subordinate, dependent position on children.

• Ilyin I. A. The path of spiritual renewal // Ilyin I. A. The path to evidence. M .: Respublika, 1993.S. 199.
• Sigmund Freud grew up in the family of a poor wool merchant with eight children. Mother always singled out Sigmund from all her children, considering him the smartest of them. All the children, when they studied, prepared their homework by candlelight, and only Sigmund was allowed to prepare lessons using a kerosene lamp.

Family development stages

As a person, growing up undergoes a certain life cycle, so human relationships undergo a certain life cycle.

And the family goes through certain stages of development.

A person can never suddenly start a family. It is impossible, just as it is impossible from a newborn child to suddenly turn into an adult.

With the growth and development of a person, his position in society and then in the family also changes simultaneously. And, accordingly, in step with these changes, the family develops and changes as well.

Our site love-911 will review the stages of family development with you so that you understand: what stages of family development exist, how they pass and are formed, flowing from one to another.

Family development stages

1. The level of development of an adult

This means a lonely person, yet without his new family.
Depending on how much this person is developed, how psychologically ready for a new relationship independent of parents, he has certain chances to create his own happy family.

Psychological readiness manifests itself in such personal qualities as self-confidence, independence, understanding of good and evil, the formation of the internal rules of life, its construction, values ​​and priorities in life. All this was formed in the process of his growth and development in his own family on his own experience.

Depending on what he learned from his family, what example was before his eyes, he will be able to build one or another relationship. For example, if the father beat the mother, then most likely the boy will behave in the same way. If he was a mama's son, then in the family he will not show much independence.
Likewise, a woman: if her mother was beaten, she will provoke her husband and endure the beatings. If her parents built relationships correctly, then she, for her part, will build them in their image and likeness.

2. The moment of meeting the future partner or partner

It starts with falling in love, then a passionate romance that leads to the idea of ​​marriage and starting a family. If at this stage everything goes well, then the lovers exchange general ideas about marriage, together represent their relationship and their family life.

3. Registration of marriage

After the successful course of the previous cycle, the couple marries and begins to conduct a joint household, and, accordingly, a common life is formed.
During this period of development, the couple is trying to establish a life that now depends on them, they must: learn to run a joint household and distribute responsibilities: who will be in charge of the family, when it is necessary to have a child, how who should look, how to dress, how to behave each of newly-made spouses.

Depending on how different or the same they have about this, this period will be easier, or more difficult for both of them.

If the life of young people begins with their parents, then their parents play an important role here, who can have a strong influence on their children. And, depending on whether it is positive or negative, the background of their young family will also be created.

Here the maturity of the spouses will be reflected, which will manifest itself in the ability to resolve conflicts, the ability to communicate and negotiate with each other and parents. And also their true feelings for each other will appear.

4. The appearance of the first child

This is another crisis in the family. Especially if the child appeared in the first year of marriage of the spouses, then it is doubly difficult for them, since they have not really figured it out among themselves, and now they still need to sort out and distribute affairs and responsibilities, given the appearance of a third family member. When a child appears, fatigue and psychological stress are inevitable. Moreover, to a greater extent, the mother, and not the father, which affects the climate in the family. It becomes impossible to solve the problems calmly arising daily with the child and with the house, the situation is tense to the limit. That is why often during this period the spouses do not stand up and get divorced.

It is possible to alleviate the situation a little if the spouses' own relations have settled down. They solved all intra-family conflicts to the maximum. After that, you can think about the child.

Specify in advance all the responsibilities that each of you will perform. Prepare thoroughly for the arrival of the baby. This does not mean only reading literature about how he develops and everything in this spirit, but about what difficulties young people have to face when they have a child. It is clear that you will not prepare for everything, and you will not think over everything, but you will both have an idea of ​​life with the third little member of your new family. And it will not be a shock for you, which will facilitate the adaptation period during this period.

5. The birth of the second child

If the previous stages go well, and you decide to have a second child, then this stage will not be difficult, since each of the spouses already knows what awaits them. Moreover, they already have experience and practice. Husbands are often much better prepared for fatherhood and feel more confident and relaxed. This makes it easier for my wife.

The only but: often, if the first was a girl, then she becomes a nanny for a younger brother or sister. Thus, her childhood ends abruptly, and all family members treat her as an adult, demanding adult behavior from her, while she is an adult only against the background of a newly born child. Compared to real adults, she is still a child. And this is important to remember.

You also need to know that jealousy often arises between children, and each of them fights for the love of their parents as best they can. Usually this love goes to younger children, while the older ones are deprived of this love. This should not be allowed, otherwise there may be serious consequences in the form of mental disorders with all the ensuing ...

6. School age of children

During this period, a very important role is played by how much the parents or mother will participate in the life and learning of the child: the more parents invest in the child during this period, the more the child will be able to achieve.

Not everyone understands this, believing that as soon as a child begins to go to school, it means that he has become an adult and independent.

They give the child's life to himself, only occasionally checking: "How are you at school?"

In fact, during this period, the child is faced with new rules and laws, experiences successes and failures, the child begins to develop a personality.

Therefore, it is necessary to help the child in this, to support him, to participate in his school life, only then the child will be able to adapt to the new conditions and requirements of life, in which more serious successes and decisions are expected of him.

7. Puberty and midlife crisis

This is the onset of puberty for the first child. This is when a child defines his "I" in life, as a separate unit of society, independent of the parents. The matter is complicated by the fact that he only wants to be independent from his parents, but in reality he is still dependent on them.

This is how the problems of "fathers and children" begin, because a child tries to be independent, as a rule, resorting only to external manifestations of adulthood (aggression, disobedience, bad habits, etc.), since being a truly adult is not the same what a teenager thinks to himself. Your task is to prepare him for this adult life: to explain that being an adult is to be responsible not only for your own life, but also for the lives of the people around you.

During this period, the teenager needs your support, but with all his might pushes her away. Therefore, here parents must be creative and ingenious to provide this support discreetly.

Most often, the end of puberty in young men coincides with a midlife crisis in the parents, so this period is not an easy one. When, in front of the parents' eyes, a child breaks out from under their wing, the parents understand that a good half of their life has been lived, and it is necessary to take stock and draw conclusions from what they have succeeded and what has not.

There is not much time to correct your life, and the results may turn out to be disappointing. And, depending on how happy the spouses are with the result of the analysis made about their lives, their further behavior will depend.

Often spouses are unhappy with what they have achieved. And then their goal becomes - to extend their life in order to have time to correct and change what they think is wrong. It was during this period that connections with young partners are frequent, which, as it were, make them younger. They feel more energized and it seems that everything is still ahead. This leads to the destruction of a family that has been built for so long.

The same spouses who managed to realize their desires and dreams together find it easier to survive this crisis, finding the strength to support each other and continue their life together, continuing to build relationships, starting from age characteristics.

Stages of family life.

Family relationships are not given immediately. The family is not a static formation, it develops. There are various approaches to the periodization of the stages of family development. Usually periodization is based on significant events in the life of family members (marriage, childbirth, child admission to a preschool educational institution, school, adolescence of a child, child leaving home, involutionary changes in the life of spouses, the appearance of grandchildren, the death of one of the spouses ). Most often, it is based on the criteria for changing the position of children in the family structure. This is no coincidence. The function of giving birth and raising children is one of the most important functions of the family. But family relationships are not only parent-child relationships. Therefore, it would be more reasonable to periodize the development of the family according to the totality of various relations associated with the family and their significance. Navaitis suggests linking the stages to the statistics of family crises, which reflect the emergence of new emotional tasks, tasks of activity, and changes in the family structure. These are the normative stressors, difficulties that most families face. The development of the family is also due to changes in the needs of the individual over time. They are still not well understood. There are certain time intervals in which the tasks of individual stages are most successfully solved. P: Too short (less than 6 months) and too long (more than 3 years) premarital intercourse can lead to family instability. Premarital pregnancy and postponing childbirth for more than 5 years also. Families living in different socio-economic conditions are similar in many parameters of their development.

According to the principle of highlighting the features of emotional development and tasks of activity, the following stages of family development are distinguished.

Premarital communication. It is necessary to achieve partial psychological and material independence from the genetic family, gain experience of communication with the other sex, choose a marriage partner, gain experience of emotional and business communication with him.

Marriage. Acceptance of matrimonial social roles. Inclusion of the couple's relationship in the broader context of the relationship that each of the spouses already has.

Honeymoon. Acceptance of changes in the intensity of feelings, the establishment of psychological and spatial distance from genetic families, the acquisition of interaction experience in organizing the everyday life of the family, the creation of intimacy, the primary coordination of family roles.

The stage of a young family. It begins with the decision of the issue of the birth of the child, ends with the return of the wife to professional activity or the beginning of the child's attendance at a preschool institution. Separation of roles related to motherhood and fatherhood, their coordination. Material support for the new living conditions of the family, adaptation to great physical and mental stress, limitation of the general activity of spouses outside the family, and insufficient opportunity to be alone. The formation of parental identity is important, which implies an altruistic attitude, a willingness to sacrifice. A family with a small child has special risks. Spouses may not be able to withstand a double identity: parental and partner.

Mature family. A family that fulfills all its functions. Creation of a new structure of relations. The family is replenished with new personalities. The roles of parents are changing. Opportunities to meet the child's needs for custody and safety should be complemented by the ability to educate, organize the child's social ties. It ends when the children achieve partial independence from the parental family. The psychological influence of children and parents on each other comes to balance, all family members are conditionally autonomous.

A family of older people. Marital relations are resumed. A new content is given to family functions (P: the upbringing function is expressed in the upbringing of grandchildren). It's good if not everything is given to children.

Tasks that are not solved at a certain stage should be solved at the next. If this does not happen, the family is not able to fulfill them.

Sysenko V.A. suggested the periodization of the family. Young marriages: very young marriages (0-4 years old), young marriages (5-9 years old) …….

Family life cycle stages (Bekvar and Bekvar)

	Situations that give rise to emotional problems	Critical Stage Tasks
1. Unmarried adult	Accepting separation from parents	1) separation from the parental family; 2) development of relationships with peers; 3) the beginning of a career;
2. The newlyweds	Fulfillment of the marriage obligation	1) the formation of the marriage system; 2) creating a psychological space for a spouse in the family and among friends; 3) solving career-related issues;
3. Birth of children	Adopting new family members	1) preparing the family to create a psychological space for the child; 2) acceptance of the role of parents; 3) the formation of a psychological space for grandparents;
4. Preschool age of children	Adopting a new personality	1) adaptation of the family to the needs of a particular child; 2) coping with a lack of energy and solitude; 3) the end of the period of existence as a "pair"
5. School children	Establishment of relationships by children outside the family	1) expanding interactions between family and society 2) encouraging the success of children in education; 3) increased activity and lack of time;
6. Teenage children	Increasing the flexibility of family boundaries for greater independence	1) shifting the balance in the relationship between parents and children; 2) switching to career and family problems corresponding to middle age; 3) an increase in the number of problems associated with the older generation
7. Family as a "launch pad"	Accepting Leaving and Returning to the Family	1) "care" of adult children for work, study, marriage; 2) maintaining a supportive family basis; 3) acceptance of returned (for whatever reasons) adult children
8. Middle-aged adult	Resignation with the departure of children from the family and living together	1) restoration of marriage relations; 2) adoption of children and grandchildren into the family of spouses; 3) caring for elderly parents.
9. Retirement	Acceptance of retirement and old age	1) maintaining individual and marital functioning; 2) support for the middle generation; 3) the experience of the death of parents and spouses; 4) return to the nuclear family

Family crises

The family system exists in a certain balance due to family ties. This balance is mobile. The changes that inevitably occur within the family and in the world around the family lead to a change in the system of family relations. These changes can be so widespread that they can lead to family crises.

A family crisis is a state of the family system, characterized by a violation of homeostatic processes, leading to frustration of the usual ways of family functioning and the inability to cope with a new situation using old patterns of behavior. (Olifovich, Zinkevich-Kuzemkina, Velenta).

A crisis can lead to two possible lines of family development:

The destructive line is a violation of family relations, the danger of their disintegration.

Constructive - the transition of the family to a new level of functioning.

There are several approaches to describing family crises:

Based on the study of the family life cycle. Crises are viewed as normative phenomena. They arise during the transition from one stage of family development to another when obstacles arise. At the heart of regulatory crises is often the individual regulatory crisis of one or more family members. Crises in individual subsystems can influence the course of normative family crises.

Based on the analysis of the family's life path, events in her life that affect the stability of the family system. They can occur regardless of the stages of the family's life.

Based on special studies of crisis situations in the family. Two critical periods of marital relations are highlighted, which last about a year:

Between 3 and 7 years of marriage. It is associated with the withdrawal of romance from the relationship, novelty in the relationship, the discovery of different views on important aspects of life, the discrepancy between the partner's behavior in everyday life and his behavior during courtship. This leads to the appearance of negative emotions, tension in the relationship. This crisis, according to N.V. Samoukina, is associated with a change in the image of a spouse, mainly with a decrease in his status in the eyes of another.

Between 17 and 25 years of marriage. Less deep than the first. Under unfavorable conditions, it can stretch for several years. It is associated with the approaching period of involution, the emergence of emotional instability, deterioration of health, the emergence of fears (aging, illness, loneliness, poverty, betrayal of a partner), the departure of children, the emergence of emotional dependence on a partner. Samoukina: the crisis is caused by psychological fatigue from each other, the desire for novelty in relationships and lifestyle. Relative independence of spouses, mutual search for ways to renew relations facilitate the course of the crisis.

The main characteristics of family crises are:

Aggravation of situational contradictions in the family.

Disruption of the entire system and all processes occurring in it.

Increasing instability in the family system.

Generalization of the crisis (not all aspects of family relations spread)

The crisis manifests itself at all levels of the family system:

At the individual level: emotional discomfort, decreased communication efficiency, satisfaction with marriage, the experience of incomprehensibility, the impossibility of changing the situation, the externality of the locus of control, closeness to new experience, the emergence of overvalued ideas.

At the microsystem level: violation of cohesion (disunity - symbiosis), deformation of the internal and external boundaries of the family (blurriness - rigidity), violation of family flexibility (chaos - rigidity), changes in the role structure of the family (the emergence of dysfunctional, pathological roles, rigid and uneven distribution of roles) , violation of the hierarchy, the emergence of conflicts, negative emotions, criticism, impaired communication, general dissatisfaction with relationships, differences in views, silent protest, regression (return to early models of family functioning), contradictory claims and expectations of family members, destruction of old values ​​and norms, lack of formation new, violation of rules, traditions.

At the macrosystem level: actualization of the family myth, archaic behavior that was effective in the past, but inadequate in the current situation, violation of the internal and external boundaries of the extended family, violation of the hierarchy, role structure, traditions of the extended family, inefficiency of old and the lack of formation of new family rules.

At the megasystem level: social isolation of the family, social maladjustment of the family, conflicts with the social environment.

In a crisis situation, the family's ability to meet the urgent needs of its members decreases, which leads to the appearance of a symptom in some of them. In family counseling, the bearer of the symptom is referred to as an "identified patient." Most often it is a child. The symptom allows you to maintain an established relationship that is threatened by a crisis. Characteristics of symptomatic behavior:

1. strong influence on other family members;

2. involuntariness, impossibility of control from the side of the carrier;

3. consolidation of the symptom by the environment;

4. benefit of the symptom for other family members;

5. the function of a family stabilizer (the symptom protects family members from other problems that are destructive to the family system).

Often, a family wants to get rid of a symptom, they turn to specialists for this. But if family members do not want to solve the problem that caused the crisis, to change anything in their lives, then another symptom may appear in place of one symptom (the husband stops drinking, but the child gets sick).

An important role in the emergence and course of crises is played by normative family filters (a set of norms, rules, attitudes, role positions, ideas typical for the family). The peculiarities of regulatory filters are related to the fact that some families experience even minor problems very hard, while others maintain solidarity and mutual support in the event of a serious crisis.

Crises are divided into normative and non-normative. Normative ones are associated with the transition of the family to the next stage of development, and non-normative ones are associated with the experience of negative events in the life of the family.

Regulatory crises

The natural dynamics of family life leads to the need for change, and therefore is associated with risk, with the experience of uncertainty of the future. There is often a desire to avoid change. This can lead to negative symptoms in family members. The way out of the crisis leads either to the establishment of new relations between family members, or to violations of relations, alienation. It depends on the flexibility of the family, the ability of the spouses to make psychological sacrifices, and the desire to keep the family together.

In accordance with the stages of family life, the following normative family crises are distinguished:

1.acceptance of marital obligations;

2. the development of parental roles by the spouses and the acceptance of the fact that a new personality has appeared in the family;

3.inclusion of children in external social structures (kindergarten, school)

4. acceptance of the fact that the child has entered adolescence, experimenting with his independence.

5. the grown up child leaves the house.

6. Spouses are left alone again

7. acceptance of the death of one of the spouses.

When analyzing normative crises, the plan of emotional relationships in the family and the plan of role relationships are taken into account.

(Crises - notes on their own. Olifirovich p. 35-86)

Remarriage.

This phenomenon is not, in the full sense, a normative crisis, since not all families experience it. But for people who have remarried, it is normative. Remarriage is created by a previously married person. In this case, not two, but three or more kinds are combined. There are several types of remarriage:

By the nature of the termination of the previous marriage relationship:

A) a marriage in which at least one of the spouses has experienced a divorce;

B) a marriage in which at least one of the spouses has experienced a marital relationship.

2. By the presence or absence of experience in marriage:

A) a marriage in which one of the partners had experience of marital relations.

B) A marriage in which both partners have had a marital experience.

3. By the number of children born in previous marriages:

A) none of the partners has children from previous marriages;

B) one of the partners has children from previous marriages;

C) both partners have children from previous marriages;

4. By the age difference between partners:

A) partners are the same age or one slightly older;

B) one is much older than the other (over 10 years).

Difficulties faced by members of a new family:

role uncertainty.

lack of common traditions and norms;

establishing the boundaries of a new family;

establishing close relationships with members of extended families;

difficulties in parent-child relationships;

problems not resolved in a previous marriage.

The problems experienced by the newly created family, and the duration of their experience, can be different.

Factors that often lead to emotional problems:

the need to accept parental functions in relation to step children. Problems of sharing these functions with biological parents, experiencing feelings of guilt in relation to their own children.

Loyalty conflict in children. It is necessary for the child to maintain contact with the biological parent while at the same time establishing a positive relationship with the foster parent. Often, loyalty to the biological parent is accompanied by a difficult relationship with the adoptive parent. The adoption of a stepmother or stepfather can be viewed by a child as a betrayal of a family member living separately. Dislike for the foster parent can act as revenge or as an insult to the parent living with him.

Establishing family boundaries. Internal boundaries relate to interactions between members of a new family. External ones regulate relations with relatives and immediate environment. The problems relate to the composition of the family, the definition of family property, areas of responsibility, the characteristics of parent-child relations, bringing changes and new rules to the child. It is important to keep the boundaries transparent. Maintain the child's relationship with the parent living separately, strengthening the authority of the stepmother (stepfather). It is beneficial for the stepparent to first establish friendly relations with the child, and then gradually participate in the upbringing.

There are a variety of myths about remarriage that complicate the crisis:

If a partner loves me, he will love my children too;

The spouse must love my children as his own;

The stepmother (stepfather) will never love my child as her own;

A child can never love a stepmother (stepfather) as his own parent;

The child will suffer from the presence of a stranger in the family;

The stepmother (stepfather) should not interfere with the upbringing of a step-child;

Each subsequent marriage is always worse than the previous one.

Despite all the difficulties that arise, remarriage has a number of advantages. Partners are deprived of a number of illusions, they make more efforts to maintain relationships, experience less fear of the need to break off unsatisfactory relationships.

The development of relations with a new partner largely depends on how much the relationship with the former spouse was completed, if the spouse died, how much death was experienced. If the relationship is not completed, there is a risk of life as a “threesome”. P: Ir. Fed - Kokhma

There are a number of difficulties in building relationships with a new partner:

Dating difficulties;

Fear of intimacy due to disappointment from a previous marriage;

Feelings of guilt in front of children;

Children’s failure to accept new parenting relationships;

The presence of negative introjects associated with remarriage.

Re-marriage crisis rates:

conflicts due to role uncertainty, inadequate attitudes and expectations;

violation of the outer boundaries of the new family (often lack of contact with extended families)

problems of parent-child relations.

lack of close relationships;

disappointment in a new marriage due to unrealized expectations.

Repeated marriages are often linked to family scenarios.

Abnormal family crises

These are crises, the occurrence of which is potentially possible at any stage of the life cycle and is associated with the experience of negative life events. R. Hill identified 3 groups of factors leading to abnormal crises:

External difficulties (lack of work, housing)

Unexpected events, stresses (catastrophe, serious illness, death, unexpectedly revealed important facts of the life of family members, etc.)

Internal inability of the family to adequately assess and survive any family event that it considers stressful (illness, death, betrayal, divorce)

Components of an abnormal family crisis:

crisis event;

Perception and understanding by family members of what is happening (P: stealing children)

Attitude to the event and features of its experience.

Change in the family system.

Possible individual and family-wide ways out of the crisis.

They are interconnected.

The most common abnormal family crises are associated with betrayal and divorce.

This is the entry of a married person into sexual intercourse with persons from other married couples or with single men and women. It can be episodic and systematic. According to Willard Harley, cheating is entering into an extramarital relationship that involves sexual intercourse and the mutual experience of deep love. If there is mutual affection without sexual relations or sexual relations without love, this is not considered by him as cheating. Such relationships can lead to serious marriage problems, but they are much easier to deal with than cheating.

It is about infidelity that the spouses most often turn to family counseling.

Attitudes towards adultery in different cultures and in relation to men and women are different. In our society, despite significant changes in sexual morality, the attitude towards cheating is still negative. They are viewed as a violation of their obligations, betrayal.

The impact of adultery on marital relationships can vary. This is due to its character, duration, stage of the family's life. Usually it is a sign of marital disharmony, but it can also occur in harmonious families. It may be associated with sexual disharmony, violation of personal relationships, the search for new experiences. In the latter case, a high level of general vital activity of a person is noted, as well as personality traits such as sociability, courage, and the ability to self-sacrifice. Indecision, passivity, fear prevent treason.

Men cheat more often to meet sexual needs. Women - to meet the need for attention, care, romantic experiences. Men in the relationship of their infidelity adhere to more permissive views than in relation to the infidelity of a woman. (double standard). Women adhere to a position of equality and are more conservative in their assessment of infidelity, to a greater extent they prohibit it.

Cheating is traditionally considered to be damaging to a marriage. But a number of experts believe that infidelity allows you to maintain and renew marital relationships that are crumbling or have become routine. ("A good leftist strengthens the family") K. Vitaker: a lover - a psychotherapist on the side. The gender of the researcher influences the opinion on this issue. Most often, the half-hearted position, suggesting some usefulness of extramarital affairs, is taken by men. Considering that for modern marriages love is an important basis, the main motive for its conclusion, betrayal can lead to its destruction.

In any case, cheating affects family relationships. Child-parent relations can be disrupted: intergenerational coalitions, inverted hierarchies of relations, role inversions arise. Cheating affects the honor of the spouse, is accompanied by feelings of jealousy, destructive affects.

Cheating has a number of functions:

This is a way to end a marriage relationship.

Drawing the partner's attention to the dissatisfaction of important needs.

Implementation of family scenarios.

A way to compensate for feelings of inferiority and increase self-esteem

Most often, adultery occurs as a result of dissatisfaction with at least one need of the husband and wife in marriage.

Reasons for treason:

Individual characteristics of marriage partners (violation of gender-role identity, personality characteristics - Don Juan syndrome)

Family factors (lack of emotional closeness, cooling of feelings, incompatibility, revenge, sexual dissatisfaction). The most common betrayal is due to the dissatisfaction of the need for recognition on the part of the spouse. This is the most common cause of marital conflict. To a greater extent, this is typical for people with higher education.

Features of the extended family (messages, family scenario - Ira - Vitya, uncle)

Cheating is facilitated by: inadequate motivation for marriage, a large age difference, lack of joint leisure, routine relationships, a large amount of free time for one of the spouses.

Motives for treason:

new love. Typical for rational or forced marriages;

retribution for betrayal of a spouse;

abused love. In the absence of love on the part of a partner, search for it in another.

search for a new love experience. It is often found with a long experience of married life or with a desire to get everything out of life.

replenishment. If there are restrictions on the completeness of love in marriage (separation, illness, coldness of the relationship)

total disintegration of the family.

Types of treason:

Accidental extramarital contact. It can be both single and represent frequent contacts of people of a promiscuous type (frequent change of partners without an emotional connection with them) Promiscuity is the disorder of sexual relations. Has little to do with a specific person.

Erotic and sexual adventures. Based on the pursuit of diversity. Erotic attractiveness of a partner, a variety of experiences, sexual games are important. They are brief, without mutual obligations, they can leave pleasant experiences. May not pose a risk to marriage.

Fornication. It is characterized by long duration and emotional attachment. Forces to lead a double life. (One short meeting stretched out over several years.)

Reactions to treason:

Aggression. The partner breaks off the relationship, demands the termination of extramarital affairs, threatens with divorce. Typical for a partner emotionally independent of the marriage. Forces the cheater to make a decision. If the relationship with the family is maintained, this can lead to the breakdown of extramarital relations.

Protection. Marital relations are partially terminated, mainly emotional relationships are limited. Joint housekeeping, sexual relations continue, various methods of retaining a partner are used (appearance, novelty of relationships, leisure). A demand may be made to terminate the relationship within a certain period. The mention of an extramarital partner is avoided.

Ignoring. The partner pretends not to notice, or that he is indifferent. Occurs when the partner does not feel emotional attachment to the spouse, when maintaining the marriage is beneficial, when the relationship is destructive, when the spouse is dependent on the other.

The psychology of marriage and family is one of the branches of psychological science. The main subject of research is the family. For the first time, American specialists began to systematically study marriage at the beginning of the 20th century. In the 60-70s. the psychology of marriage is becoming a separate area of ​​psychological science.

What does the psychology of marriage study?

There are several main areas of research - these are factors affecting the quality of marriage, the cycles of family development, the role structure of marriage, the distribution of power between family members, communication between partners, psychological characteristics of parents and children, etc. In the psychology of marriage, a whole area is highlighted called family and marriage counseling.

Research data on the psychology of family and marriage is the basis for the creation of various social and psychological programs. They are the primary source in the development of scientific principles to train professionals who work with families, as well as carry out remedial work with the family and its members.

The main stages of family development

The family is a developing and changing organism. Observations of different periods in the life of family members led specialists to a certain systematization. In other words, the life cycle of a family can be divided into several stages. What is periodization for? Its importance is that each stage is characterized by typical developmental problems. Accordingly, knowing about them, spouses can avoid many mistakes and misunderstandings, and experts use this data for psychological assistance to families who are caught in.

There are different classifications of the stages of family life. Tasks that should be solved by the family as a group at every stage in order to continue further development and functioning are taken as a basis. As a rule, they are based on a change in the place of children in the family structure. This approach is used both in Russian and foreign psychology.

Stages of family development (by E. Duval)

E. Duval identifies 8 stages of family development. At the heart of his criteria, he singled out the reproductive and educational functions of the family (the presence or absence of children in the family and their age).

He called the first stage formative (0-5 years old), when there are no children yet. The second is childbearing (the oldest child is up to 3 years old). The next stage is preschool children, the eldest at the age of 3 to 6 years. The fourth stage is a family with schoolchildren, the eldest of whom is 6-13 years old. This is followed by the stage of the family with teenage children, the eldest of whom is at the age of 13-21 years. The sixth stage is the family that "sends" children to life. At the seventh stage, the spouses of mature age remain. The eighth stage is the aging family.

It should be noted that not every family can be viewed through the prism of this classification. Quite often there are couples that do not "fit" into any classification. Nevertheless, each family sooner or later faces certain difficulties and trials, the features of which are revealed in the stages of family development.

About family counseling

In every family there comes a time when it is quite problematic to solve the problem on your own. Family counseling can come in handy here. It is aimed at people who do not have any clinical disorders, but who face difficulties in their daily life.

Family counseling is, first of all, communication, the establishment of emotional contact and the creation of favorable conditions for the disclosure of personality.

The main goal is to help the client understand what is happening at this stage of their life and meaningfully achieve their goals when solving emotional and emotional problems.