How to understand a man is indifferent or pretends. How to understand that a man is in love, but hides his feelings. Maybe he doesn't really like you. What to do if a young man is very secretive

28.05.2019

There are many different psychotypes of people. We differ in temperament, emotionality and much more. Each person is an individuality, which was formed under the influence of society. Everything that we start to do and how we manifest ourselves in a given situation is based on our psychology. Of course, any young individual is subject to changes in the psyche and awareness of this world, but the older the person, the less noticeable these changes are. Unfortunately, it happens that people who start a relationship are completely different in character and temperament. It is on this basis that problems begin, and we do not know what to do if a person comes into conflict with our views. It is especially difficult for extroverts and introverts. It is known that an extrovert is an open personality who always expresses emotions. An introvert, on the other hand, is very secretive. Such a person rarely shares his feelings and sensations. Extroverted girls often have to decide for themselves the question: what to do if a young man is very secretive? Unfortunately, the problem when a person is secretive is much more serious than it might seem at first glance. Therefore, even if a girl really likes a young man, often their relationship is constantly spoiled by scandals and misunderstandings.

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Photo gallery: What if a young man is very secretive?

In order to avoid such problems, you need to understand the psychology of your relationship and understand what to do if the young person has a very secretive nature.

A secretive guy is often sanguine or phlegmatic. This type of people does not like to devote others to their problems and open up to them. He will do this even in relation to his beloved. Therefore, if your young man is of this type, you should never take such behavior as a personal offense. More often than not, people become secretive not from birth. Various social experiences teach them this. Many had to go through betrayal at one time, so now, they believe that there are things that others do not need to know. Therefore, if a guy does not tell you, for example, about his past, you should not assume that he is a serial killer. Also, in no case should you reproach him for not loving and trusting you. It's not about trust at all. Think for yourself, why do you need this information? Most likely, you are simply trying to calm your curiosity. There is nothing wrong with that. Most women want to know everything and about everyone, and even more so about their loved ones. But you cannot always be guided only by your desires. Respect your boyfriend's choice. If he doesn't want to talk about something, then he has a good reason for it. Perhaps the guy is ashamed or unpleasant to remember some period of his life. Each of us has things that belong only to us. We do not want to talk about them with people, and there are many reasons for this.

That is why, if a young man does not want to tell you something, there is no need to press, beg or force him. The time will come, and he himself will share his secrets. If this does not happen, then you really do not need to know anything.

Remember that the main thing in a relationship is not the information received, but your feelings from the person. If you feel and see that he is kind, good, reliable, will never offend or betray you, then you don’t need to dwell on his past, which now plays no role at all.

A slightly different situation is when you see that a guy is suffering and worried about something, but does not want to talk. In this case, try to gently convince him and offer your help. If you can really help him, your boyfriend will share his problems. Most importantly, never force him to speak. He himself will decide when to discuss what happened to him. But, if he continues to be silent, then, most likely, your help will really not be useful. Of course, you think that the guy is wrong, but you cannot adequately assess the situation, so you should not draw conclusions that are not supported by any arguments.

Of course, secrecy can be manifested not only in this. It so happens that the guy does not express his feelings in relation to your comments, opinions regarding your relationship. He just looks and is silent, and you don’t understand if he hears at all. Of course, this is very unpleasant and incomprehensible for girls who always speak directly and do not hold back their emotions. But do not forget that you have a completely different temperament, so your behavior may be as incomprehensible to him as his to you.

In order to resolve the problem, talk to him calmly. No matter how the guy behaves, in no case raise your voice at him. People with such a temperament hate screaming and become even more self-contained. Therefore, restrain your emotions, no matter how difficult it is for you. Explain to your boyfriend that you need to see the reaction to your words. You cannot understand what exactly he thinks, agrees or contradicts. His opinion is extremely important to you. Besides, problems need to be solved together, which is why you want him to speak out. You understand that he has such a character, but he must also enter your position. Therefore, you promise to behave calmly and not be angry with his silence, but he must also make concessions and say what he thinks. Otherwise, silence will lead to a complete misunderstanding, which will negatively affect your relationship. If you say such things calmly and judiciously, without accusing him of anything, your young man will certainly pay attention to what was said and take note of it.

Of course, people with different temperaments find it difficult to get along, but more often than not, it is they who are attracted to each other. Therefore, you just need to understand that we are all different and only compromises can resolve conflicts. If you bring this to a young man, his secrecy will cease to be the main problem in your relationship.

Over the years, the spouses have not only secrets from each other, but also hiding places.
B. Krutier

Wives often accuse their husbands of unwillingness to discuss their affairs and regard this as secrecy. However, this is a typical male trait.

It has already been said more than once about the difference between the psychology of the stronger and the weaker sex. Men are used to behaving differently. And in general, men are more secretive than women.

Many people can say good things, but very few people know how to listen, as it requires mental strength.
Rabindranath Tagore

From childhood, boys and girls are brought up in different ways. Boys are taught to be restrained, not to show their feelings. "Be a man!" - Sternly says the father to his son if he ran home in tears when he was offended by his peers. "A real man should not show weakness to anyone!" - this is how boys are taught. The same stereotype of behavior in teenage companies. If one of the teenagers "disagrees", complains and whines to everyone, everyone will despise him and consider him a "weakling". Frankness is discouraged. Guys never open their hearts even to close friends - they are accustomed to this from childhood, and they retain this stereotype throughout their lives. They prefer to carry their feelings and experiences in the shower. Every normal man wants to be considered a strong, real man. And if he demonstrates his doubts, hesitations, indecision, then he will no longer be considered a strong nature. At least in my own eyes.

The art of communicating with people essentially rests on a dexterous skill (which requires a lot of preparation) to perceive and accept food, in the kitchen of which you do not have any confidence.
F. Nietzsche

Girls are raised differently. At any age, both in girlhood and in maturity, a woman can demonstrate her feelings, be open and frank. Mother teaches her to tell her everything, asks who her daughter is friends with, how she spends time, what kind of relationship she has with her peers and boys (if she is a good mother, of course). The woman is used to not hiding her feelings and experiences. If she is upset about something, upset, if she is in trouble, she confides her feelings to a loved one. Emotional instability is a typical feature of the female psyche. Men who understand female psychology do not condemn their girlfriends for this - why condemn what is inherent in the weaker sex ?!

If your wife is an angel, then she came after your soul.
G. Malkin

If men and women were the same in their psychological manifestations, they would quickly get bored with each other.

Opposites attract, don't they? But such a relationship develops only in those married couples where both spouses understand the differences in each other's psychology and relate to them adequately.

Disagreements arise only in those families where men evaluate women from their bell tower, and the wives of husbands from theirs.

Often, in communicating with people, we need to pretend out of benevolence that we do not understand the motives of their actions.
F. Nietzsche

“What are you thinking about right now?” Is a common question that an inexperienced wife asks her husband. And you hope that the spouse will immediately "turn his soul inside out" and tell everything after your persistent questions, if he himself does not want it?

He may be in trouble at work, but he doesn't want to upset you. Perhaps he was undeservedly offended or he did something that he does not want to tell you about, because he does not want to lose your respect. Or maybe the spouse is just dreaming or fantasizing. It is quite possible that there is nothing wrong with erotic topics either - sexual fantasies are characteristic of all men (and many women, by the way, too).

Perhaps the husband does not share his problems, believing that his wife's advice will not be useful, but will bring even more confusion to his doubts, and wants to think carefully about everything himself and come to an optimal solution on his own.

Or maybe your husband is just resting and not thinking about anything - and this is the most likely explanation for his unwillingness to talk. Why should a person constantly think about something? The brain also needs to rest. Therefore, the answer: "About nothing" - is quite legitimate. Your spouse just relaxed and disconnected from external stimuli, and you should not bother him and accuse him of secrecy. You will only irritate him with your persistent questions.

If a woman does not believe, then she thinks.
V. Goloborodko

There is nothing wrong with the fact that at the moment the spouse is not inclined to be frank or does not want to talk.

The reluctance to share their experiences can be regarded as a purely masculine trait. And you must respect this quality in men.

Imagine that he will confide in you all his doubts, hesitations, and reflections before making an important decision. It's good if you have a trusting relationship with your husband, and you are a reasonable woman, listen to him with understanding and give smart advice.

However, there are women who are unable to appreciate the trust of a man.

- Well, do you believe me? No?! .. And you are doing the right thing.
Joke

“I don’t believe women,” 38-year-old Igor told me. “I had a lot of them, but now I don’t let any of them into my soul. As soon as she finds out something about you that doesn’t make you beautiful, She will certainly take advantage of this later and at some point hurts very painfully. More than once I have been burned by my frankness. Sometimes it seems - here she is, my dear soul, understands everything, empathizes, we are one with her. At such moments, my soul will soften, I’ll tell you about myself frankly, and it has never happened that later I didn’t regret it.

You cannot be frank with a woman - she will trample and defile everything in your soul, twist everything to her advantage, turn all the facts topsy-turvy, so that she can prick you later if she wants to achieve something or she just has no other arguments. "

Igor, a disappointed man, at one time did not want to have any serious relationships with women at all. For almost ten years, since he began to earn good money, he used the services of women, whom he paid in one form or another. The relationship with the kept woman suited him more - she did not claim his freedom. And if she began to lay claim to him, he immediately parted with her.

And then Igor met a woman with whom he could not only sleep, but also talk, and fell in love. And I realized that not all women are what he imagined them to be. Igor realized that a woman can be frank. Moreover, his girlfriend is much more secretive than he is. Igor told her everything about himself, but she only told her a little bit. At first it offended him, then he understood her. She, too, was once burned and has since defended herself in this way. Igor hopes that over time she will fully trust him. But they still have a good relationship, and he does not climb into her soul.

Until you step on a snake, you will not understand whether it is poisonous or not.
V. Georgiev

Many men do not like to be frank with women, because they believe that they may regard frankness as weakness. And the stronger sex does not want to show their weakness or insecurity. A man wants to look strong, decisive and confident in the eyes of a woman.

Controversy should not be enmity if it does not arise out of personal enmity.
NN

Hello! My name is Olga, I am 21 years old. My boyfriend is 22 years old. We have been together for a year and a half, we have been living together for a year. Everything would be fine, but it was half a year ago that my boyfriend secretly met with his ex just to talk, and he lied to me completely. When I found out the truth, there was a scandal. We made up, but I stopped trusting him and began to be very jealous and suspicious. Now it has already passed for me. I take everything calmly. But all the same I am interested with whom he communicates and about what. And he doesn't like it when I start asking and questioning about someone. Because of this, we swear. And because of my jealousy, he simply began to hide communication with other girls from me. For example, she communicates in contact with a girl and immediately deletes all messages. If I ask whether I communicated with someone or not, then he says no (((And I know that yes, and I feel so offended. I don’t mind talking, I just want to be aware of it. I’m really okay with this, and the communication is friendly with them. It just becomes insulting when I find out that he is hiding something from me or the girl’s number is recorded as male (one He seemed to understand me and said that he would not hide anything. And just yesterday, just for the sake of curiosity, I asked if he had been in touch with that girl for a long time and whether he had been on her page. communicated with her and was not on her page, and he started yelling at me (((After the conversation, I decided to go to his Vkontakte page, but he changed the password (I was shocked). I went to his mail and saw that he was in this talked to that girl for a day ... and that means he deceived me. He asked her to call him, and she said that only on Sunday she would be able to call. (this girl is very interested in my boyfriend's friend, because of this he asked to call her to tell about him, although he could write everything in contact. Apparently I wanted to talk like this). I was upset and cried for a long time. When he came, I talked to him about it. She said that if he didn’t walk up and if I don’t suit him, then I don’t keep him that could leave. But he said that he loved me and that he needed me alone and no one else. And he doesn't want to leave. I cried, said that he had no respect for me, that I asked him not to hide from me everything that only makes it worse. He began to calm me down, said that he would no longer hide anything from me, that he was a fool, that he was afraid that I would again get out and start jealous. I said that he had already promised all this three times and that I did not know whether to believe him now or not. That for God's sake communicate with anyone, only you don’t have to make a fool out of me, let alone hide, because I will know everything anyway. And that if this happens again, then I will not stand it and leave him. It seems we made up, promised to improve. Time will show. Please help me with advice on how to make him stop being afraid of me and start trusting me and stop hiding everything from me ??? Sometimes in anger he says: Whoever I want to communicate with, what I want and I do. I understand if he was alone, then yes. But he’s with me and you have to show respect and reckon with me. Of course, he considers me in many respects and listens to me, but sometimes it becomes so transverse. What should I do, what should I do? Please tell me (((I don’t touch him anymore, I don’t "drink", I don’t get it. just words? With respect to you! Waiting for an answer!

Hello Olya! let's see what's going on:

we have been living together for a year. Everything would be fine, but it was half a year ago that my boyfriend secretly met with his ex just to talk, and he lied to me completely differently

You live with a young man, BUT at the same time you DO NOT even trust him, but yourself - you project your fears onto him and run away from them - seeing only him guilty and you cannot take responsibility for what is happening on yourself! that's where you need to start!

What do you feel? what are you afraid of? what do you think will happen if he interacts with girls? (then he will leave you and leave!) - WHAT ARE YOU RUNNING FROM ???

Do you really know what motivated a young man when he was dating an ex-girlfriend? the relationship between them belonged only to them, and if he needed to meet with her, then there was a need for this - but what? what did HE want - to end emotionally the relationship with her? in the end, HE is with you - so this meeting helped him! and you took everything personally!

I take everything calmly. But all the same I am interested with whom he communicates and about what. And he doesn't like it when I start asking and questioning about someone. Because of this we swear

And because of my jealousy, he simply began to hide communication with other girls from me.

You DO NOT take it easy - you try to control his life and, accordingly, his feelings, and since it is NOT in your power, you start to get angry - you DO NOT see your contribution to what is happening! both of you build relationships! and the responsibility lies with both of you - what is your contribution? what on your part leads to the fact that the young man moves away from you? it is jealousy - the limitation of it, control over it - and all this is driven by fear, uncertainty - that is what you need to realize! that by your control you will NOT be able to keep a person and protect yourself FROM everything - from pain, from parting, from experiences - on the contrary - all this further increases your fears and you yourself close a vicious circle around yourself, prevent yourself from being happy and translate it all on him! and what does he feel? Are you able to accept it?

And I know that yes, and it becomes so insulting to me. Once I brought him to clean water, admitted that he talked. She asked me not to hide anything else, because I do not mind talking, I just want to be aware of this

there are boundaries between every people - you sweep away these boundaries! you try to penetrate into him and demand from him the behavior that you need - accordingly - you do NOT accept him as he is! he experiences fear and discomfort - he is trying to save himself and his boundaries FROM your invasion - he is trying to pull himself together - how can this be done? only by collecting your boundaries - and closing yourself FROM you! and you also led to this !!! why do you need to keep abreast of his life? You want it - and what does he want? why do you want to penetrate it - what will it give you? a sense of calmness - BUT - this will NOT be submission - he DOES NOT accept it!

After the conversation, I decided to go to his Vkontakte page, but he changed the password (I was shocked). I went to his mail

and what kind of respect do you demand for yourself if you do not respect yourself? You go to his mail, his contacts - is this what you need? and what does he feel?

She said that if he didn’t walk up and if I don’t suit him, then I don’t keep him that could leave. But he said that he loved me and that he needed me alone and no one else. And he doesn't want to leave. I cried, said he had no respect for me

and you yourself think out his actions and words for him - how can he explain something to you, because you yourself have already thought of everything and build relationships with him on the basis of your constructed Unreality! You do NOT hear him, you blame him by NOT seeing yourself! You demand that HE open up to you completely and report everything - you demand that the man humiliate himself - and who will he feel? Will it be pleasant for you to be with such a crushed man? he DOES NOT want this - he wants to keep the relationship, to set the boundaries - so that you find yourself !!! after all, it is from yourself that you run - after all, what will happen if he leaves from you - you will be left alone with yourself !!!

how to make him stop being afraid of me and start trusting me and stop hiding everything from me

why do you need it? if in order to continue to look and penetrate into it, then this is NOT trust building, but manipulation! trust is when you learn to respect yourself - and his - your desires, feelings, to be aware of them, and NOT to shift them onto your partner and accept, respectively, him - as a whole person, and NOT to try to dissolve in him! You are losing yourself in the first place !!!

says: Whoever I want with that and I communicate, that I want that and I do. I understand if he was alone, then yes. But he’s with me and you have to show respect and reckon with me.

You answered your own question: i.e. if a person is with you, then you are waiting for him to forget about himself! about your feelings, needs and lived by you !!! but can you get a feeling of yourself only at the expense of someone ??? and you reckon with him? can you take? respect? first myself! to collect oneself in order to find oneself, and not to receive it at the expense of control over another person - especially since this is not possible !!!

Olya, if you really decide to figure out what is happening, feel free to contact me - call me - I will be glad to help you!

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Hello everyone!

In the first part of my story, I will share my male opinion on how to understand that a man is in love, but hides his feelings. In the second part, I will reveal the secrets of why he does this. Well, in the third, I will give several examples of how to recognize in practice that a man is breathing unevenly towards you. And so, let's get started.

Sometimes even their wives cannot determine how men really feel. Guys, on the other hand, hide their desires so skillfully that it is difficult, and sometimes impossible, to guess about their affections. I will share my opinion so that you understand everything.

Actions such as:

shoot with your eyes,
express your feelings openly,
behave aggressively or, conversely, defiantly not notice,
accidentally touch.

These are all female attention grabbing things. Men don't behave like that. Why? I'll tell you a little later.

To understand that you are dear to him, if you are familiar, is possible by barely noticeable signs. Namely:

If you are not familiar, there will be few signs of falling in love:

Men love to look at the woman they like. Usually on the sly, until you turn your head in his direction. As soon as you look at him, he immediately looks away.
Also, the man will appear at all events where you will be.

You can understand that he is not indifferent to you by observing his behavior from the side. He will look for you in a crowd of people with his eyes. Having made sure that you are here, he, too, will find a reason to stay in the same place longer.

How to understand that a man does not love you is possible

There can be many reasons why a man hides his feelings for a woman:

First, he may be in a relationship with another girl. Perhaps this relationship has recently cracked, and the guy's feelings have cooled to his soul mate. He just cannot gather his courage and confess to her that he loves “the other”. Afraid of female anger and / or a heavy frying pan. Maybe he is afraid of his mother-in-law, who will simply tear him to pieces for an offended daughter. The imagination draws a lot of options.
Secondly, the man doesn't know if you have someone now. What if you meet with a very jealous boxer? Not only does he pile on an ardent lover not childishly, so also his heart will break from refusal.
Third, he may not be confident in himself. Well, not everyone feels like "alpha males". And you are so cool, beautiful. He is afraid of rejection, or he has little experience with girls. Perhaps you need to smile at him a little.

If you are a spectacular beauty, then a man hides his feelings, because he has little money. And nowadays, beautiful courtship and romantic dates cost a pretty penny. And many ladies already on their first dates demand both bread and circuses. If he has money problems, then he is worried that you will not agree to a walk in the park, and he simply does not have a cache for other entertainment.

How to understand whether a man wants a relationship, you will find out

If you still don't understand his intentions. And you are also looking for an answer to the question: how to determine that a man is in love with you, but at the same time hides his feelings, then read on.

Below are several types of checks that will help you find out the truth.

Options in case you're unfamiliar:

Observe him imperceptibly. For example, watch it with a mirror surface. Make sure he is looking at you when you look away. Of course, you can also use a powder box, like in the old spy movies. Just don't use this method too often, it will look too suspicious.
Are you sure he really glances at you often? Turn suddenly to him and look into his eyes. Does he hastily look away, or is he smiling at you in confusion? So you're right, he is showing interest in you.
At a party or corporate event, retire so as to discreetly observe him. If he looks for you with his eyes in the crowd, worries that you disappeared from sight - he is secretly in love.

Another case is when you have already been introduced to each other, but you still don’t understand whether you like him or not.

Option of checks, if you are familiar:

Start talking about family and children. Just do not ask directly in the forehead, it is better to start from afar so that it does not seem that you are worried about this question in the first place. If he is in love, he will willingly share his plans for life.
Pretend to be sad. Your mood should excite him. If he sees that you are out of sorts, that you are saddened by something, tries to ask questions and offers his help, then he is not indifferent to you.
Ask for help. A man in love with you will never refuse you. Of course , he won't buy you a Bengal tiger. And the yacht too. But he will fulfill his vital requests.

Just do not think that all men who spend money on expensive restaurants and beautiful gifts are head over heels in love. Not at all. Attention buyers are usually trying to show off.

A man in love will be gentle, caring and attentive. He won't buy you a diamond necklace, but he can run to the pharmacy for medicines or fix a laptop. And he will constantly worry about your fragile health.

I hope you figured out how to recognize that a man is hiding his feelings for a woman. This concludes my story. And you - into battle! You armed yourself with useful knowledge, now it remains only to test his feelings. Good luck!

If your man is married, be sure to read and.

The first meeting, falling in love, idealizing the object of love does not immediately reveal the psychotype of a young person. After some time, the girl notices that the guy with her is secretive and distrustful. This may be due to various circumstances.

Sometimes it is very difficult for a girl to understand the reason for this behavior of her loved one due to her inexperience. Meanwhile, certain psychotypes of people are secretive. Sanguine or phlegmatic, these types of mental development of the personality are secretive. They do not like to open up to people around them, discuss their problems, failures or share their joys. Even with his beloved girlfriend, he will not be able to change. If she understands that he belongs to this type of character, then there will be no offense.

But very often people develop secrecy under the influence of external circumstances: society, living conditions, etc. Often, secrecy is manifested in people who have survived the betrayal of loved ones. Since then, they have figured out the rule - not to tell anyone or share anything, so as not to experience a new betrayal. They do not share their past, do not talk about friends, parents, ex-girlfriend. This does not mean that the young man is a maniac killer or a spy. A girl in love will always be able to understand a guy and try not to show that she is worried about his secrecy. This is not a sign of deception or dislike. He is simply afraid of a new betrayal and unconsciously expects a "catch". There is no need to prove to him that he is wrong. Everything will come in due time. And in general, why know something that was in his past? Perhaps knowledge will only push the girl away from the guy. But one cannot deprive a person of hope for the best, looking back at past mistakes; in all respects, respect for a partner, respect for his choice, motivation, etc. is in the forefront. Over time, having felt trust in her, he will certainly open up to her. This takes time. And most importantly, the girl feels what her chosen one is: sincere and honest, kind and shy, reliable. So he is a good person, and his secrecy is just a consequence of past life circumstances.

A somewhat different situation, when a guy just suffers from something, but is silent. The girl can gently and gently challenge him to a frank conversation, but in no case force him to talk about the problem.

In general, whatever the situation and circumstances of the secretive nature of a loved one, you should never raise your voice to him. And we must remember that different temperaments are attracted. You need to learn to get along with each other. If, of course, it is love.