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Do you need a pause at the beginning of a relationship? How to take a break in a relationship? What is a pause in a relationship, and how does it happen

Everything was fine: he said that he loved you, that he didn’t need anyone else ... You talked about how many children you would have and where you would spend your honeymoon ... So to speak, nothing foreshadowed trouble, and you were in seventh heaven from happiness. But suddenly he said that you need to take a break in the relationship - these words were like a bolt from the blue! What do these words mean, and how to behave now?

Let's think rationally

So, the first thing you need to do after such news is to pull yourself together and not give in to panic. Do not try to sob, fall at his feet, or, even worse, demand from him explanations or reasons for such behavior. Just smile and agree, and best of all, if you are a few steps ahead, and in response to his statement, you will say that he is absolutely right, and you yourself have thought about it.

Now, when you return home, do not throw yourself on the pillow and shed tears, as they say, this will not help the case. It’s better to make yourself tea with mint and linden and think, what, after all, happened?

In such a complex issue, it is best to trust the experts and listen to what they think about this.

So, let's turn to specialists in the field of personality psychology and here's what they say about this: a man who offered to pause in a relationship is a weak-willed, spineless creature who cannot make an important decision on his own, putting everything on your fragile shoulders.

No need to entertain yourself with empty hopes: a pause in a relationship is also parting, no more, no less.

It's just that your young man is so spineless that he cannot tell you this in person, as he is afraid of debriefing and showdown. Therefore, he found a way out, saying that you need a pause in the relationship - after all, this is, as it were, not a break, but not a couple either. And he did all this in the hope that you would be the first to freak out and leave him - in this case, he, in general, will come out dry and good from the water - he didn’t leave you, did he? And now think about whether you should be upset and worried about such a guy who cannot even make a decision on his own!

Why did he do it?

Yes, you can rack your brains and scroll through the options for why he did this, you can indefinitely. Only he knows the truth, but you, in fact, do not need it. Of course, you can analyze his behavior, who knows, maybe you will get to the bottom of the truth, but the fact remains: he left you.

Now it is very important to maintain emotional and mental peace. And this can only be done if you recognize this fact, will not deny it and come to terms with the fact that now you are alone. Puzzling over the question of why he did this, and what was wrong with you, you will get absolutely nothing but your shattered nerves and eyes swollen from tears.

In fact, now you will find yourself at a crossroads, as in that fairy tale, where there will be a stone with sentences in the middle. Let's look at the possible ways, as well as the consequences that will then arise:

1. You will keep a pause in the relationship, in the hope that he will return to you, and everything will be as before - the most stupid decision. Firstly, it will never be like before, because he wanted to part with you, and you will never forget this. And, secondly, even if he walks up and returns, what is the certainty that he will not do this again?

2. He returns with declarations of love, with words of repentance, and you forgive him. Great solution, but what's next for you? You already know that this person is not capable of making serious decisions, and is also not constant in his choice. And also, think about it, because now he can sit on your neck. And what? After all, you forgave his weakness once, so you will forgive again and again. But he will not take you seriously, as he will believe that you cannot live without him and will do anything if only he is there. Rest assured, such a relationship has no future.

3. You start a new and happy life, but without this person. It means that as soon as he suggested that you take a break in the relationship, you can safely switch your attention to the rest of the stronger sex. And, if suddenly his friends see you arm in arm with a new young man - it's even better, let him see that a holy place is never empty. Oh yeah, do not forget after you stop getting upset and pull yourself together, tell him that you no longer need a pause, since you are breaking up.

There is always the other side of the coin

Of course, it will be hard for you to go through a breakup, but in this case it is best to turn to the old and wise proverb that says that “everything that is not done, everything is done for the better.” And it's true, even if you don't believe it now.

And one more thing, the world has not converged like a wedge on this guy. It is possible that fate deliberately upset your union so that you meet a real man who can make you happy.

Just imagine what horizons are opening before you from now on: you can go wherever you want, and no one will make you jealous scenes, you can return home in the morning from a nightclub, and go on new dates every day. The main thing is not to close yourself in, do not acquire complexes, and throw out the negative thoughts that prevent you from living happily.

So let's sum up all of the above. Let's start with what a pause in a relationship really is. It means that it’s far from a pause, but a real break, it’s just that your young man doesn’t have the courage to admit it.

If your relationship is over, this does not mean at all that you are somehow different, that the reason is in you, and you are not worthy of a happy relationship. The reason, just the same, is in him, but not in you. And, the last thing - do not wait until he breaks off the relationship, do it yourself and start a new happy life. Be happy!

Social networks are full of beautiful pictures and create the illusion that everyone around has a cloudless relationship. Everyone has? Well, almost everyone except you. However, it’s worth depriving yourself of the pleasure of spying on someone else’s beautiful life for just a few days, when you realize that in real life everything doesn’t go smoothly and any relationship is a thorny path, on which there are rocks and abysses. However, what to do when the gap in a relationship seems too big? Is it worth it to continue this way or to rush in search of a smoother road? Sometimes it's better to pause and think carefully. In what cases a temporary separation can help and what is behind this desire and we will talk in this article.

Pause in a relationship: what is behind it?

The very interpretation of the concept of love between a man and a woman implies their attraction to each other, the desire to be close. How else? Otherwise, of course, it also happens, but still suppose that in most cases we choose our life partners precisely out of love. And hearts that love each other want to be together forever. So what can then stand behind the desire to part for a while?

Fear

Doubt

Do you doubt whether you chose the right man to live happily ever after and die on the same day? Are you afraid that a real prince on a white horse is wandering somewhere nearby? Do you constantly compare your partner with the young men/husbands of your girlfriends, colleagues, acquaintances and even strangers from Instagram and other social networks? Perhaps you should take a break and sort out yourself and your feelings. Just do not drag out this thought process too much in time, otherwise there is a great risk that your young man will have one who will have no doubts on the way.

Hope

Do you sincerely hope that a temporary separation will allow you to reset your relationship and return the old romance? Yes, sometimes even a little separation can be beneficial and bring freshness and novelty to a relationship. Just do not be mistaken that this pause will be able to solve some deep disagreements, your loved one will suddenly change or give up addictions. In this case, it is better to read books on psychology or sign up for a consultation with a family psychologist together.

Resentment

If a serious resentment towards a loved one is hiding behind the desire to pause in a relationship, then a temporary break will help you calmly and soberly look at the circumstances and decide whether it is worth shedding your tears because of this person.

Desire to achieve at any cost

Are you already tired of waiting for a marriage proposal, and your chosen one stubbornly ignores your hints and always translates the topic of conversation? Well, all means are good in war, and perhaps a temporary separation will allow your man to realize what a treasure he can lose. Alas, the opposite can also happen: having felt the taste of freedom, it will be even more difficult for him to put the yoke around his neck.

Emotions

Not every girl can boast of the ability to restrain her emotions in time during a quarrel, and sometimes an exclusively emotional impulse can stand behind the proposal to part for a while. As they say, cute scolding only amuse. All couples, without exception, have quarrels and misunderstandings from time to time. Is it worth breaking up for this?

We have already considered those cases when the initiative for a temporary separation comes from you. But what if your man offers to pause? What does it mean? There are few options here:

    Men are characterized by practicality and rationality, they are much less prone to doubts and emotions, therefore, most often, a proposal to pause in a relationship, alas, implies a desire to part with you. But don't get upset. First, you won't be forced to be nice. And secondly, is such a man needed who lacks the courage to tell the truth in person and who hopes that the relationship will somehow come to naught?

    They leave you as a fallback option, to which you can always return if something happens. Do you need it?

    He is simply not ready for a serious relationship or for the transition to the next stage of your relationship. Maybe you're pushing him hard? Do not forget that men are inherently hunters, and somewhere very deep inside they have a desire to seek a girl, and not give up under her onslaught.




What is a pause in a relationship?

You understand that a pause in a relationship rarely occurs because of some nonsense. This means that there are problems and disagreements, and simply parting for a while cannot solve them. But a temporary break will make it possible:

    Soberly assess what is happening and rethink the value of relationships.

    Understand what you want and what you expect from this union.

    Think about what is missing in the relationship.

    See ways to solve problems.

    Look at the situation from the outside and understand the behavior of the partner.

    Relax and gain strength.

  1. Rekindle sexual interest.

If the purpose of the pause in the relationship is not the final separation, then it would be good to indicate the timing of this separation, and then return to the conversation with the partner and discuss the next steps.

“Maybe we shouldn’t start all over again?”
“If you’re going to leave me once a week, you better get a subscription.

Fall in love with me if you dare (Jeux d'enfants) movie

Finally, an unusual technique

Let's do a thought experiment.

Imagine that you have the superpower to "read" men. Like Sherlock Holmes: you look at a man - and you immediately know everything about him and understand what is on his mind. You would hardly be reading this article now in search of a solution to your problem - you would not have any relationship problems at all.

Who said it's impossible? Of course, you won’t read other people’s thoughts, but otherwise there is no magic here - only psychology.

We advise you to pay attention to the master class from Nadezhda Mayer. She is a candidate of psychological sciences, and her methodology has helped many girls feel loved and receive gifts, attention and care.

If interested, you can sign up for a free webinar. We asked Nadezhda to reserve 100 seats specifically for our website visitors.

Most often, a pause in a relationship leads to a complete break, but this is more due to the lack of communication than the inevitability of the end of the relationship. If you want to take a break from each other, but still not break up, learn how to increase your chances and help the relationship get through this difficult period.

Before you take a break, ask yourself some important questions and make sure you and your partner are in the same mindset. Otherwise, this rest will only delay the final parting.

Analyze the reasons why you want to break up

If you're already sick of your partner, spending time apart won't help. The problems you're facing won't solve themselves if you just turn a blind eye to them. More acceptable reasons for a pause are an unwillingness to maintain a relationship at a distance or the need to be alone in order to decide on the future of the relationship.

Be honest with yourself

If you really want to take a break from a relationship, rather than end it, be honest with yourself. If you think that this is an easy way to get rid of a partner, then you are mistaken. A pause in a relationship only delays the process of parting.

If you realize that you just want to be free and date someone else, just end the relationship.

Accept what the breakup says about your relationship

Couples in healthy relationships don't take breaks, they solve problems. Often the need for such a break is driven by fear of responsibility, but if you can't agree on some rules and restrictions for the duration of this break, it's best to just end the relationship.

Set the rules

If you want to take a break other than as a prelude to the final break, then you need to lay down some rules. You may decide together that sex with other people is not acceptable, but dating is allowed. If the reason for the pause was not the desire to meet with someone else, then it is worth agreeing on fidelity for the duration of this parting.

Consider if time will help in this situation

More often than not, relationships don't get better after a pause. In fact, they can get significantly worse. If you want to get away from a key issue in your relationship by ignoring it, then you are on the wrong path.

Try to solve the problem without pause

Instead of a temporary separation, try to solve the problem in each other's free time. Relax with friends over the weekend, it can help you focus on something important. Even one night spent alone can help. Thus, you can build relationships, avoiding even temporary separations.

Don't pause

The longer you take a break from a relationship, the higher the risk that one of you decides to move on.

A week or two should be enough to put things in order in thoughts and feelings, as well as to decide on the future of your relationship. Further prolongation of the pause is like playing with fire.

Chat with your partner during the break

The fact that you agreed to take a time out does not mean that you need to fence yourself off from your partner with a blank wall. As you set the rules, discuss communication options during the pause. Not communicating during this period is rarely a good idea, but in any case, stick to the general solution.

Use your time wisely

If you're asking for some time to think things through and prioritize, don't waste it hanging out with friends and ignoring the problem. If you just want to feel free for a couple of weeks, then you don't really need this relationship.

Don't go for it a second time

If you've already taken a break and stayed together, don't be so naive as to consider a second or third time. It's almost an open relationship and it says a lot about your maturity. Perhaps you should be alone until you meet someone you really want to stay with. And this means the complete completion of the relationship, and not endless pauses.

We hope that your relationship is harmonious. But it happens that there comes a period when you stop understanding each other, lose interest, feelings cool down ... And you decide to take a break in a love relationship. On the one hand, you understand that this step is necessary, but on the other hand, doubts gnaw at you - or maybe this is the end ...

In order not to make a mistake in your decision, not to stumble, and then not to regret what happened, let's see if a “pause” is needed in a relationship?

- “Probably, we need to take a break from each other ...” - your loved one tells you. And how do we feel when we hear such a proposal? The heart begins to beat in fear, the mood gradually turns into depression and a panic of loneliness, abandonment, insolvency settles in the head ...

Do not think that only the weak half of humanity reacts painfully to such statements. Men are generally terrified of such statements from their women. After all, pride and pride suffer!

Be that as it may, but "time out" in a relationship is a frequent occurrence that can come from both partners at the same time or one of them. The bottom line is that such a break can be a good test, test, or even a bonding factor.

Faced with a similar situation, we of course analyze why it happened? What pushed us to "rest" from each other?

If we rely on the statements of psychologists, then strong relationships arise where there is a commonality, for example, in interests, similarity of tastes and other psychological and social factors. And sometimes, this happens not only on a psychological level, but sometimes on a subconscious level.

So, for the first three years, attraction and passion are clearly present between a man and a woman. Gradually, physiological factors decrease, and the question arises - what is holding people together?

For example, if the relationship was based on sexual desire, then there may be problems that will lead the couple to break up. To understand the true essence of your relationship, to check your feelings, you can just take a break in a relationship.

In the event that one of you found a “third”, it would be more correct. You don't want to be in that situation all the time. It also happens that problems arose on the basis of excessive requirements. It is the idealization of a partner that contributes to disappointment, which leads to a dead end. Only in the world there is nothing and no one is perfect, so it is better to weigh everything and understand your mistakes. And this is where a break in a relationship can help. This is the time for introspection.

The only question is, how long can or should such a “rest” last? There is no exact measure here, let your heart tell you. After all, the main thing is the result that will bring you happiness.

TM "Placent Formula" wishes you love and prosperity in your relationship!

80% of couples believe that a pause in a relationship is essential, as it makes it clear where to move on. 30% tend to think that the pause may end in a break. What to do?

Psychologist Ksenia Gorchakova told whether it is necessary to part for a while and who is suitable for this method of settling family problems:

There are many ways to spice up a relationship, pause or breakup is one of them. For some couples, this method may work, for others, not so much. It all depends on how long this pause is, how complex and intricate the relationship is, whether there are children and other subtle points.

One of my clients separated from her husband when they had a relationship crisis. They lived separately for some time, but met regularly. She says it was like a second honeymoon. After some time, they again began to live as one family, and lived together for several more years. But the deep problem of their relationship did not go away, parting alone could not solve it. Therefore, they nevertheless decided to get a divorce.

What gives distance to a couple?

At a distance, it is easier to discover what the relationship gives and what you lose when this person is far away. Some things that seem to be taken for granted, such as caring, heartfelt conversations or heated quarrels, a feeling of closeness and warmth, take on special value at a distance. It's like air that you don't notice while it's around you, but if you lose it at least for a while, you start to suffocate and acutely feel its lack.

The sweet and beautiful illusion that loved ones can be together all the time and be happy at the same time, unfortunately, or fortunately, is far from reality. Even a loved and good person can be many. It's good if you have the ability to notice yourself, your needs and desires while staying close to others, but often, this is difficult. And then the distance can help to see that I am not he or she, that we have a lot in common and uniting, but there are also different things that make us not similar, but at the same time interesting for each other. Or, on the contrary, in moments of crisis, when it seems that there is nothing in common, and it is not possible to understand each other, the distance will help to see these unifying things, to see what is similar and what is worth saving.

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What problems will a pause not solve in a couple?

A pause is unlikely to help solve those problems in relationships that are associated with ambiguity, where it is necessary to talk with each other and negotiate, share what is important and what is missing, see and hear each other. From a distance, one can realize what the difficulty is and approximately imagine how one can try to solve it, but one can decide and negotiate only while remaining in contact with a significant other.

Are there couples who just need a break?

Small pauses are especially needed in long-term relationships in which people have been around for too long, and may have lost that sense of freshness and novelty, which is just as important as stability and predictability. Sometimes, to add freshness to a relationship, you need to lose them. At least not for long. After all, a meeting is so wonderful when you have time to get bored. And a familiar and familiar person seems to be some kind of stranger, a little different, and this, among other things, allows you to maintain the partner's sexual attractiveness and sharpens the perception of his or her attractiveness.

It's important to understand that separation is not a panacea, she is likely to show and make more convex what is in the relationship at the moment, and what is not. And this is exactly what a pause is useful and necessary for when the situation seems to be a dead end. But looking for ways out of it, discussing ways to get what is missing or how to build relationships further is definitely better in a dialogue. A pause in a relationship can be used as a litmus test, a time-out, a stimulator of the creative process, but not a cure for relationship problems.

When to take a break in a relationship:

  • when it seems that you are lost in a relationship and no longer feel the difference between what you want and what he wants;
  • when relations with a partner suddenly become boring and painful, although in general everything is fine and suits a lot
  • when sexual relations became more of a duty than a pleasure
  • when you can't see a partner behind scandals and insults
  • when it seems that love has gone and will never return
  • just to prevent burnout in relationships with a certain frequency, comfortable for both partners

Read also:

What could be the distance?

It all depends on the nature of your relationship. It is enough for someone to spend one weekend with a friend in order to have time to miss their loved one, and for someone, even six months is not enough.

True, if the pauses are too long, then this is fraught with other difficulties. One of my clients had a husband who regularly went on business trips and spent several months away from home. During these periods, their love was especially tender and ardent. But as soon as he stayed at home longer, their relationship deteriorated, they began to hate each other and fight.

Indeed, at a distance, you are no longer dealing so much with a real person as with memories of him, or fantasies about him, or with some idealized idea of ​​him. And this fantasy is often better and more pleasant than the reality of living together, where there are scattered socks, snoring at night and fishing on weekends. An idealized image is much easier to love than a living person. And it is easier to communicate with him and control this image than a real partner. And this is the danger of the pause and its disadvantage.