Fitness and healthy lifestyle 

Why personal life does not work out: reasons, awareness, desire to work on relationships and advice from family psychologists

5 months ago

Disappointments often come in a person's life. It would seem that what should please and fill with positive emotions and positive feelings brings annoyance and dissatisfaction.

A well-organized personal life is a basic human need. Why doesn't it fold? What are the reasons that prevent men and women from building relationships and creating a happy couple?

We are all different, and our destinies are also different. However, the reasons for the uncomplicated life can be reduced to a general classification:

  • being excessively stuck on the problem;
  • public opinion;
  • fear of relationships;
  • bad past experience;
  • mistrust towards members of the opposite sex;
  • share of selfishness;
  • exaggerated level of requirements.

Introspection

Personal life does not add up ... What to do? Try to find your answer in this list. Each reason has its own specific analysis in order to find a solution to the problem. But when the essence of the issue is clear, the solution comes much easier.

Obsession interferes

Basically, this condition is typical for girls. Why doesn't the girl's personal life work out? Because to start a family at any cost - this thought occupies its entire essence. In this case, each member of the opposite sex becomes a potential husband for her. But, unfortunately, after several meetings, men suddenly disappear from her life. This is no coincidence.

Sharpness on this issue introduces some haste in the relationship. Anyone wants to love and be loved. It takes time to get to know each other better, to give the opportunity to feel and understand what kind of person is in front of you, to communicate, to find common interests and goals.

In this case, a situation is created when a man, on a subconscious level, feels that he is being rushed into marriage, with the creation of a family. And then he tries to get rid of the imposed relationship as soon as possible and leaves.

What are the reasons that prevent a girl from finding a loved one?

  • the girl's desire to please. The guy is used to seeking the location of the opposite sex himself;
  • conversations about marriage and planning for children. This often scares and repels the guy. He is more interested in communication with a girl, her attention, a kind of intrigue in a relationship. If this is not the case, he leaves;
  • excessive openness and sincerity. Guys lose interest in such girls.

Don't worry if your personal life doesn't work out. Try to live for yourself, enjoy freedom, stop persistent search for a life partner, and then the guy himself will notice you and try to win your attention.

What will society say?

If nothing happens in life, people wonder what could be the reason? Public opinion plays an important role in this problem. Young people over 25 are asked questions about the reasons for loneliness, which leads to a number of complexes:

  • something is wrong with me;
  • I will be alone forever;
  • I am too critical of the opposite sex.

The questions of others and their "advice" can cause a lot of negative emotions and even depression. Therefore, if your personal life does not work out, you should not listen to the opinion of society. It will be more correct to listen to yourself, to your desires and feelings.

Separation Bitterness, or Bad Past Experience

Yes, sometimes people break up. But often separation leaves such an indelible mark on the soul that it interferes with the creation of new relationships. Now it turns out that there is no personal life at all, since the brain has developed a defensive reaction to new feelings and emotions. How to be?

You need to let go of the past. Take a piece of paper and write down all the emotions you experienced for your past partner. Explain why you treated him that way. Think and you will realize that these emotions are not doing you any good right now. Let go of them, and let go of old hopes. This will make room for new sensations.

Don't be afraid to love

Have not noticed that sometimes two feelings are fighting in you: you want a new relationship, but at the same time, fear overcomes. What do you think at such moments? What if I lose my precious freedom? But what if the new chosen one brings disappointment? So you close yourself off from others, not letting a new feeling into your heart.

An important role is played by one's own bad experience or the unsuccessful life of friends or girlfriends. Women are afraid of negative experiences, disappointment and unsuccessful family life. Men often suffer from the fear of losing their freedom and independence. The relationship does not have time to reach a serious stage of development, the man begins to panic and "flees".

Selfishness or mistrust gets in the way

Selfishness is the fear of losing your freedom. Life does not add up, which means you are not ready for it. You do not love a person, because the one who truly loves, seeks to spend his whole life with a loved one.

Both halves of humanity have always had doubts about each other. What is the purpose of the relationship? Answer this question honestly. Do you think that the main thing is to get married? It means that you do not love and do not know anything about this feeling. Only in the case when there is sincere love, there is no doubt and distrust between people.

High level of requirements

Nothing in life adds up? Do you know why? Perhaps you are an idealist. You think that everything in your chosen one should be perfect. Of course, out of the billions of people on the planet, there may be a few people who fit your "needs". But where is the likelihood that you will meet them. Therefore, allow your soul mate to have at least some flaws. Indeed, in the process of a relationship, you may notice that under the veiled flaws there are a lot of wonderful advantages.

Draw conclusions

The main thing is the fight against self-pity. Renounce the grievances that you have accumulated in relation to the whole world and others. Find your own mistakes and try to fix them. The wrong choice of partner, jealousy, uncompromising, overestimation of requirements - all this leads to the fact that you are once again exposed to disappointment.

Decide for yourself what kind of relationship you like and what you don't want to enter? What actions are you ready for the sake of love and a happy relationship? Are you ready for a change in your character for the sake of your loved one?

Give a frank objective assessment of yourself, your character, your aspirations and desires. And then you will understand what your mistakes are and try to change your life for the better.

Vicious circle

When you forget about everything in the world, just to find the desired life partner, you disrupt the natural course of events, bring a certain rush into your life, begin to enter into one or another relationship.

It is important here to stop and think, stop feeling sorry for yourself and start loving yourself. Calm down and understand that in order to build harmonious relationships, work is needed on their quality. If you are not ready for this, take up a better career, organize a trip, get distracted, try to self-actualize in any area.

How to find a new path

Achieving success in life is hard, tireless work. To do this, you often have to change your beliefs, revise stereotypes. Is it possible to find a person with whom you will live your whole life. Yes, it's real. But this alone requires constant work all my life, overcoming misunderstandings, forgiving shortcomings and appreciating the merits.

It is important to be able to take responsibility for your actions and make decisions. Do not be afraid of anything new, let go of the old, unusable. A person forms his own happiness, not expecting help from the chosen one.

Having made the right conclusions, reconsidering your attitude to life and to the issues of love, marriage and family, you will certainly thoroughly study the mechanics of happiness and find a formula for long-lasting harmonious relationships.

The reasons for the unsuccessful personal life in men and how to deal with them

Why do handsome, smart and worthy men complain about an uncomfortable life? Men who have failed in past relationships experience frustration. This fact lowers self-esteem and creates an inferiority complex, leads to isolation.

Men are usually happier in new relationships, because the experience of past mistakes tells them how to behave correctly. If the man himself was not the initiator of the complication and breakdown of relations, then he has nothing to fear and can safely go in search of a new companion, believing that the winding path of verification and preparation for a new happy life has been passed.

Men are afraid of losing their freedom, many believe that women are mercantile, and this also scares them. Past relationship failures cause self-doubt.

But it must be remembered that all these reasons are not an obstacle to new relationships. Psychologists advise men to choose women who are age-appropriate, adults, modest, well-mannered and smart. To get accustomed to the new chosen ones, to study the behavior and then only to make a choice.

The reasons for the unsuccessful personal life of women and how to deal with them

To the above reasons for the unsuccessful personal life of women, one should add the expectation of a rich groom. This misconception leads to deep disappointment in the level of expectation in a relationship very soon. If you want to create a strong relationship, you need to take into account that both partners will contribute to the material component. And then there will be no unnecessary expectations and resentments.

A woman may also have a fear of psychological and physical intimacy. A woman is not able to open her soul to a man. For her, time is important in order to become closer spiritually, to overcome fear and gain trust in the chosen one.

All problems of relations between the sexes are solvable and painless if there is a high feeling of love between them: it both educates and neutralizes fears and doubts, finally, it brings the long-awaited happiness and harmony.

Have you been married? Then you got divorced, and now you are one, two, five, 10 years old? Or perhaps you are already well over 30, but the relationship did not work out.

You know, it's great that you are alone for now, because we can talk frankly about women's loneliness. I have a similar situation - I was married, divorced and stayed for a long time in the social status “not married”.

Therefore, I am writing about female loneliness as a woman who had to become a psychologist and astrologer in order to understand the vicissitudes of her personal life.

Have you ever wondered why many women manage their first marriage so hard and the second is so hard?

We will not blame everything on insane love, which - many believe so - can only be experienced when you are young. First marriages are often concluded without love: because a child will soon appear, because life with parents has gotten out, because getting married is the usual way for a woman to provide herself with a piece of bread and butter.

Each of us has his own reason, but the main thing is to get married in youth is much easier than later. It is as if we are being dragged into a relationship without our consent. The thing is that until the age of 30 we are in the zone of "fate": we have little free will and a lot of set tough circumstances that we need to go through. In simple terms, fate.

After a few years we get divorced, and ... someone gets stuck for a long time in the “not married” status. All attempts to quickly "wedge by wedge" fail.

Because we have more relationship. Someone can jump from one marriage to another - living with her husband, a woman, not having time to divorce, already meets the next one.

But if you have already exhausted the possibilities of relationships, and they are exhausted by your past lives - you once also jumped from relationship to relationship without hesitation - you will be given loneliness.

Loneliness is a time to reflect on mistakes in your relationship and fix them.

You can marry “someone who wants you very much, and you, so be it, bear with it,” but after the first unsuccessful marriage, you no longer want to exchange an awl for soap. But the one for whom they would like is not sent.

Of course, I can now hang you noodles about the power of thought, writing a list of qualities of a future husband and, but I do not want to deceive you.

Marriage, marriages are a tough part in our life, a karmic one. Vedic astrologers do not even admit that it is possible to change something in marriage karma in this life, they add all the merits in the next life.

I am not so categorical, I admit, because I see the results in practice. But this is work, this is hard work that 99% of you have to do alone. 1% of women send a man who helps, through him a woman learns to love. They, the lucky ones, have a certain bonus.

How to "fix" loneliness?

It is necessary to analyze the history of your personal life: what kind of relationship you had, whether there was reciprocity in the relationship, for what reasons did you get married for the first time, did you ever fall in love. The family life of your parents: what was their relationship built on; what happened in their lives when you were conceived, when their mother was pregnant with you. And, of course, a birth chart that will summarize all your assumptions.

As an astrologer, I will focus on the birth chart. If you are familiar with astrology and know how to read your natal chart, look in the video (posted at the bottom of the article) what you need to pay attention to first.

The next important point is vows, vows, vows.

Recently I had a girl for a consultation - she is over 30 years old, very attractive, feminine, but her personal life does not add up. In her birth chart - a voluntary refusal from a man.

I asked her: "Is it possible that you abandoned the relationship yourself?"

She wondered: “Is it still on my map? I worked with a psychologist on this topic. "

It turned out that when she was a little girl, her parents quarreled a lot, and she made a decision - I will never marry.

Vows, promises “I will love you ETERNALLY, I will ALWAYS be faithful to you,” which we made to those with whom we once — not necessarily in this life — had a relationship.

There is no relationship, but the vow remained. We do not even realize ourselves that we have voluntarily tied ourselves to someone in the past. Such vows are very typical for Virgo and those who have many planets in the sign of Virgo.

Vows, vows, vows - abolish! Change your behavior patterns in relationships! In the video (posted at the bottom of the article) I talk about one of the ways.

How can I inspire you?

First, take your loneliness as a biblical test.

Secondly, I have one observation from my life - the more difficult the beginning, the better the result. I was convinced of this many times.

Thirdly, your work will definitely bear fruit! The mating season will come, and you will succeed!

P.S.
By the way, I have a service - where I define marriage periods - the time when a woman is most likely to have a marriage or a serious relationship. For a consultation, I need a history of your relationship. I need to understand how ready you are to enter into a relationship, especially with problematic directions on the map.

Hey!
- Hey! How are you? - a question on duty. Duty answer:
- Fine.
There is no emotion on his face, frozen, equally calm, like an indifferent expression. Recently, he experienced another breakup with his girlfriend, but it seems that it did not upset him, he even felt relieved. For some reason, the guy's personal life does not work out ... But it seems that this worries his loved ones more than himself. What's stopping him from creating a lasting relationship? Why did he decide that loneliness is the best way of his life? Let's try to figure it out.

Why personal life does not add up. Odd man

Maxim is 26 years old. Nature generously endowed him with abilities: the most pronounced are the skin, sound and olfactory vectors; anal and visual are less pronounced. But given does not mean secured. There is no proper development - there is no worthy realization of great potential, although it was noticeable from childhood.

Lives with her parents. He doesn't get along in a team, gets tired of constant work, starts to get sick, therefore he works from time to time, in free flight. It is important for him, like no one else, to understand his own characteristics, but he does not want to. Closed, does not even leave a crack for participation.

At first, like all young people, especially skin ones, prone to changes, he tried - he brought different girls to him. Then, apparently, there was a need for a longer relationship. Twice already, the girls moved to his room and lived for a long time. But what kind of life was it?

First of all, already having some experience of communicating with women, Maxim immediately told them that he was not going to start a family, that for him it was just a relationship. For some reason, this did not frighten the girls. Perhaps it was anal-visual sacrificial kindness or skin masochism instilled by oppressive parents. It was different in each case.

After a short period of time, he began to clearly feel burdened by the presence of a stranger in the room and openly declare: "You should go to work!" He was quite happy that the girl works until nightfall. He clearly showed a desire to get rid of the presence of his girlfriend in his room, although he was not opposed to communication in general. However, it was already difficult for the girl to leave. A woman becomes attached, wants a family, hopes that everything will change for the better. After all, he is smart, charming, only a little strange.

Why personal life does not add up. Personal features

Strangeness, detachment, closeness, isolation gives Maxim unfilled sound vector and his unconscious desires. He's an ace in computer science, but that's not his biggest passion. He reads, his favorite writer is Murakami. Only a person with a sound vector is able to re-read all his gloomy works filled with strange ideas. This is how his craving for knowing the world and himself is manifested. But that's all.

An unfilled sound vector tends to go inward, close, manifests itself in a painful sensitivity to sounds. Moreover, the visual environment - parents, relatives - is very contrasting in terms of desires and lifestyle. There are constant emotions, communication, holidays around him. He senses that he is not like that, and this makes him close even more.

Why personal life does not add up

Compassionate visual parents seeking to understand their son say that Maxim has a special form of autism. This is not true. Autism develops in childhood due to unfavorable sound ecology, more often up to 3 years of age. The child loses contact with the outside world and is afraid to go outside. Maxim is capable of contact, but his sound is really unfilled and under pressure. He needs special conditions to fill the sound.

Marina Golomolzina

Greetings, my dear readers! We all, one way or another, want our own personal happiness. We are looking for a soul mate, building relationships, creating new social units, giving birth to children. But what if your personal life doesn't work out? Is it really worth giving up on yourself and not waiting for a happy "happy end"? Today I would like to talk about how to act in a situation where relationships are constantly not developing.

Introspection

What saints can we pray for a loving, worthy man? You can pray to anyone. But in the end, all the same, everything depends only on you. So let's start by looking at what kind of person you are. If you do not have a permanent relationship with the opposite sex, then you can start by looking for a reason in yourself.

Think back to all your previous relationships. Now take a piece of paper and a pen. Write down everything that comes to mind for each time. What was your partner, what kind of person were you in this story, what went well and what went wrong. Write down all the pleasant and not so good memories. Do not skimp on words.

When you write everything down in detail, then put aside the sheet and wait a day, or maybe more. Next time we need a fresh perspective. When time has passed, then look at your piece of paper again. Look for similarities and differences in every relationship. Perhaps you will find something the same in every relationship. Maybe all relationships developed according to the same scenario. Everything is important.

  • When did you meet and who was the initiator.
  • Who was the first to confess his love.
  • When they arrived.
  • Have you started renting an apartment together or have you moved to him?
  • What annoyed you in a person.
  • Than you annoyed your partner.

Look for repetitive things. When you find something similar, write it down on a separate piece of paper. For example, you have always been the reason for the breakup, because you are not ready for further steps. Or, in all respects, you were wildly jealous of your partner.

Draw conclusions

It is now very important to draw the right conclusions. And in order for this to work, stop feeling sorry for yourself and taking offense at the whole world. Stop whining about the fact that you are such an unhappy person, and life is a harsh and cruel aunt who treats you unfairly. Be extremely honest with yourself.

It is important in these conclusions to find your mistakes, which can easily be corrected. Understand where you went wrong in the relationship. Maybe you subconsciously choose the wrong partner. Perhaps you are too jealous and do not allow your loved one to breathe freely. A man may have his own needs that he needs to satisfy. And it's your fault if you fight over this. Find compromises.

In conclusions, your task is to understand what you are doing wrong and what you can change. Women often have exaggerated demands on their partners. They are trying to find a prince who will turn their life into a fairy tale. Forget about it. Take a look at which men you choose. Look at your choice from the outside.

These findings can help you figure out what kind of relationship you definitely don't want. This is usually much easier to start from. Understand the kind of relationships you don't want to build. What are you ready for the sake of a partner, and what not. What are you willing to do for the sake of your loved one. How you are willing to change in order to achieve happiness with the person.

In these findings, your main challenge is to understand what you are doing wrong and how you can change it. If you don’t feel sorry for yourself, become honest with yourself and you can evaluate yourself without any embellishment, then you will understand mistakes and easily correct them.

Vicious circle

In a relationship, it usually does not lead to anything good. Will it work out for you to build harmonious communication, if all you think about is how to find the very one. Rushing from one connection to another, you do not have time to take a break. You do not have time to think about what is happening. You are simply replacing one with the other. But the quality does not change from this.

Give yourself time. Stop thinking about it even for one day. Just get distracted and do something else. Let go of the situation. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and lamenting at the fate that does not give you gifts.
Take control of the situation. Don't be rash. Don't chase free cheese in a mousetrap. Do not think that harmony and happiness can arise just like that. You need to work hard for this. Therefore, if you are not ready yet, then you shouldn't try.

Take up your career. Become a great expert in your field. So that Gazprom would like to grab you with arms and legs. Take care of your health. After all, you can't buy it, and over the years it only gets worse. Think about personal growth. Engage in self-realization. Travel, accumulate impressions and emotions. Learn to cook super complex meals. Start cross stitching or clay sculpting. Get busy with your life!

Change approach

You can always change your attitude towards partnership. People who change their lives achieve success for a reason. This is achieved through hard work. Somewhere you need to change your attitude, in another case you have to change your stereotypes and give up your beliefs.

It is quite possible to achieve happiness. Finding a person who will love you, will live with you all your life is also real. It's just that such a relationship requires constant work. Loving is a process, an action. You will have to learn not just to wait for love in your address, but to learn to understand your partner. Develop together. Overcome misunderstandings.

A woman can go out and become the happiest in the world. It all depends only on this woman herself. After all, as usually happens: you sit and wait for a huge heap of happiness to fall on you. You sit. You are waiting. You sit and just wait. But that's not how the universe works.
You yourself need to learn how to work and make decisions. Don't be afraid of responsibility. Being bold, it is easy to accept change. Listen and hear everything around. Be light on your feet. Do not be afraid of the new. Don't cling to the old. Understand that you are the creator of your own happiness. Your partner will not help you become happy. Once you understand this, then your relationship will improve.

I hope you will draw conclusions and work hard on yourself. I am sure you will cope with everything and build harmonious, durable and. I believe in you!

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Why can't I get along with men? What else do they want? Nice, hostess, sexy, there is a living space. But after the first date, he disappears forever. Yes, I am not talkative, I prefer to listen. But many people like it. No, they need a drunken drinker, some fun, and then they disappear too. What to do? How to get married? Moreover, I'm already 45.

Unfortunately, in their search for love, most people overlook their own willingness or unwillingness to be in a relationship.

There is an old saying, "When the student is ready, the teacher will appear." This adage also applies to love relationships - When you are ready, love will appear.

It's amazing that, despite the fact that love is an integral part of our life, and we constantly strive for it, many people subconsciously try to distance it from themselves.

For example, a woman may not realize that she does not have a generous, loving man because deep down she is afraid of being abandoned. She may also reject handsome men, fearing that an interesting appearance will attract other women and, as a result, she will lose her lover.

We convey our thoughts and feelings to people much more often than we imagine or even dream! If you think: "I am not beautiful enough", or "I will never love", or "He is too good for me", "Men are incapable of serious relationships", then this message is transmitted to the people around.

For example, if you yourself avoid serious relationships, responsibility, people with similar attitudes will be attracted to you, or partners with whom, for one reason or another, it is impossible to build a serious relationship, for example, married, infantile, too loving, etc.

We get exactly what we broadcast to other people, despite the fact that we want love and happiness. And if, with all our desire to love, we are the embodiment of sadness and longing, disappointment, these are the feelings we will receive in return. Our partner is always a confirmation of our opinion about ourselves.

If your personal life doesn't work out, think about the following questions: what messages do you send to people and the world around you? What messages do you need to send in order to get what you want in return?

This is not an easy task, because the difficulty lies in the fact that our attitudes can lie deep in the subconscious. Interestingly, the desires of our unconscious sometimes directly conflict with our conscious intentions. A vivid example of such a conflict is a letter from another of our readers.

Hello,

I am already over 40, my personal life does not work out, although men like me, but I attract pathological personalities all the time. With others, only light romances.
My husband was a pathological jealous man and often beat me for a reason and without, dispersed, then the young man turned out to be in prison, an unbridled womanizer, as a result he left me, a civil husband, all looking positive, turned out to be an alcoholic and a gambling addict. Apparently it's me. I myself do not drink, do not fight, do not play, do not hang out at night. I have been working all my life, now I am raising a little daughter. From an intelligent family. My father really drank, my parents separated, but my father often visited me. Mom is very authoritarian, but it seems to me within the normal range.
What should I do? How to meet a normal person without addictions?
What's my problem?
The irony is that people are almost always unhappy with what they are looking for because their unconscious self has one goal and their conscious self another.

Whatever lofty and romantic goals we set for ourselves, we always choose partners exactly those whom we are ready to accept for this moment life. The connection between two people is not a matter of luck or failure, it is an absolute reflection of your emotional state, it is your mirror. Sometimes it's crooked. You get what you want!

How can we understand ourselves, and understand what we are broadcasting to other people in reality, and why we find ourselves not at all where we wanted, and not with those of whom we dream?

To do this, you need to get a real picture of what is happening in our personal life. To see your unconscious without embellishment, you need to look back and see what partners you have dealt with before.

Try to make a list of people with whom you have had a serious love relationship. In front of each name, write the most negative characteristics of this person - that is, all the qualities that were personally unpleasant to you. Pay special attention to those qualities that are the same for different partners. Make a separate list of these qualities. This will be the portrait of the man of your unconscious dreams.

Our subconscious, making such a "strange" choice, is trying to reproduce the emotional situation already experienced in childhood, even if the consequences are negative. For any child, home is a source of love and security. Even if chaos reigns in it. Therefore, we associate love with the word home. So, if love is a house, and a house is loneliness, then love is equal to loneliness, and we are looking for a partner who can give it to us. If the house is a scandal, then most likely we will choose a partner who will provide us with this. It is easier for our brain to return to an already familiar situation than to adapt to a new one. This is where the craving for pathological personalities, men who are unable to create a family, infantile, cruel, etc., comes from. Try on the basis of the hit parade of "merits" of your partners to analyze the situation that is happening now in your life and find relationships with the past. Don't you think that you have returned to your childhood home? For example, one of the participants in the training, who performed this exercise, was horrified to find that all of her men were like two peas in a pod reminiscent of her cousin, with whom she had constant conflicts and struggles for the love of her parents as a child. She grew up, and the struggle with her brother continued (albeit in other incarnations), having a negative impact on her personal life!

Having understood our negative emotional program, we can change our relationships, building them already consciously. But for this to happen, you need not only to change yourself, but also to understand why you need a relationship with another person. Otherwise, the situation described in the next letter may occur.

Hello! Please help me in solving my problem. I am 21 years old and I have no relationship in my personal life. I am a very sociable person, especially with the opposite sex, many men pay attention to me. But as soon as I understand that I start to really like a person, I try to inflict suffering on him in every possible way: to flirt with everyone, ignore him, respond rudely - even if I really start to like him. And in the end, the whole relationship ends, failing to get to serious. It feels like I'm constantly walking in a circle and just can't get out of it. I suffer a lot from this, but I can’t help myself. Thanks in advance !!! Why am I acting like this?

How we express ourselves and interact with the people around us can tell a lot about our true desires. Often we do not achieve the goal, because as soon as there is a real opportunity to really get what we want (and not just fantasize about this topic), all deeply hidden feelings and problems come to the surface.

We have already talked about why it is not possible to attract love into your life, we sorted out the obstacles that prevent you from building a happy relationship. Another factor of dissatisfaction with personal life is the inability to determine their true desires and goals. While the future is uncertain, it does not allow us to work on something real that exists in life. That is, it cannot come true!

When there is no love in our lives, we often fantasize about how wonderful it would be if we met the perfect partner. Most often, these fantasies are based on romantic myths about love and relationships, the scenarios for the development of which we get from literature and cinema. However, in a safe fantasy world, we often forget about our inner reaction to such a person. In fact, if we meet the perfect person, various fears and jealousy can push us away from him.

It all started for me 3 years ago. I met a girl whom I fell in love with. But the thing is, she became a high-level model, and I feel like such a freak mmm. We have different levels, I want us not to see each other, and she calls, writes SMS, I want to die. Well, or just forget her, but she doesn't let me do it. What to do?
One day a woman came to me for a consultation who had recently married the man of her dreams. He was smart, powerful and successful, loved and adored her. In general, everything is as she dreamed. Do you think she came shining with happiness? She was depressed and sad. When she got what she wanted, she found herself experiencing anxiety - a feeling she had never experienced before: “If this man is so good, why did he choose me? He is so successful that there are always women around him who are much more beautiful than me that what happens if he leaves me for another? " - these were the thoughts that were spinning in her head. Under the influence of these thoughts, she, without hesitation, performed actions that harmed the relationship and subsequently could even destroy them. A similar situation occurs with the authors of the two previous letters, only each does it in his own way. That is, they wanted to experience love and security, but it turns out that there is only fear and anxiety inside. What to do? Either change itself, or set other goals in love relationships that are more consistent with the level of personality development. Otherwise, it turns out that the better the partner, the worse we feel!

Often, the requirements for a partner are formulated as follows: handsome, smart, rich, etc. And as a result, having a partner with all the listed qualities, we still do not feel satisfaction.

This happens because we rarely think about what feelings we want to experience, what exactly we want to receive in a relationship, and what we are happy to give without breaking ourselves. Many of us are reactive in love. We want a person with certain qualities to appear in our life, but we ourselves only react in response to them. And when, in the process of communication, we finally understand whether we need all this at all, unfortunately, it turns out to be too late. A man who dreams of a beautiful wife, having received such a gift from heaven, discovers with horror that he is not ready to constantly feel anxiety about her loyalty. He can also understand that he feels much better with a woman, perhaps not so beautiful, but with one with whom he has the opportunity to remain himself, and not play a hero out of himself (unless, of course, he claims this title).

Our deepest desires are often hidden from us; without knowing about them, we cannot satisfy them. Having clarified your needs, you can define your goal in love, from the achievement of which you will be truly happy.

So, in order to understand your desires, try to honestly answer two questions: what are you capable of and what do you want to give to the other person in your love relationship?

The list of partners that we compiled earlier will help answer these questions. Redefine Your Relationship with Former Partners - What did you enjoy offering relationship partners? - What are you not even going to offer them? - Why were you offended when you felt that something was taken against your will?

For example, if you have come across infantile partners before, you may find that your partner constantly demanded responsibility and determination from you. Perhaps you will understand that this did not give you much pleasure, and you would like to demonstrate completely different qualities, for example, tenderness and gentleness.

When you understand your real motives, you can start formulating a goal. It should be formulated in the affirmative, in the form of a clear, concrete result. To accomplish this, it is best to imagine that your wish has already come true. How do you feel about it?

By listening carefully to yourself, you can set a goal that can bring a happy and joyful relationship into your life that contributes to the mutual success and prosperity of your couple!