The most wrong relationship. The wrong rules for the right relationship

13.10.2019

The most common types of inappropriate relationships that people with psychological strength prefer to abstain from

Any unsuccessful relationship is undoubtedly painful, but when you rid yourself of a wrong relationship, you actually benefit.

As teenagers, we study sex education in school, closer to 20 we are interested in such a concept as marriage, and perhaps a little social psychology at the institute. But when it comes down to how to build a real relationship, we get very little guidance on relationships before and after the wedding ... or worse, draw conclusions from what we read in the magazines.

Yes, relationships are built from the start by trial and error. And if you like most of us, it means that you have made quite a lot of mistakes in your life path.

One problem is that the nature of the wrong relationship is directly influenced by our culture. We admire the idea of carefree romantic love - you know, this is when two people in love meet the dawn of the sun together, and it would seem that they have known each other for ages. We are brought up to build and cherish our relationship as if it were personal property. Thus, we often see our friends and loved ones as some kind of personal property, and not as a beautiful creature with free will, with whom, moreover, true love can still be shared and from whom emotional support can be obtained. Fortunately, over the past few decades, there has been a wealth of scientific research on right and happy relationships that allows people to understand how to use psychological power to avoid wrong relationships.

1. Relationships in which only one of the partners is interested

It is wrong when only one of the partners is interested in a relationship. Feeling lost can lead to looking for someone who is willing to take full responsibility for your life, just to relieve tension. But before you do this, imagine for a second, you put on the collar of your beloved pet, and give the leash to someone else, but where it will lead you, you have no idea. Is not it? There is no place for entanglement and powerlessness in relationships. If one of the partners feels helpless, then this relationship does not really exist anymore. The whole point of a relationship is freedom. Yes, the right relationship is built on a solid foundation of free will and collaborative effort. The most important journey in life for each of us is the one during which we meet our person. And this relationship brings us personal development and happiness. You can get a lot more out of your relationship if you build it together instead of trying to control it all the time. In reality, it is a cycle. The strength of a relationship directly depends on the strengths of each partner, and these strengths, in turn, depend on the quality of the relationship.

2. Relationships that supposedly complement you

Our culture, based on fantasy and romantic love, assumes that one day you will meet “your One” or “your One”, and immediately get rid of suffering and longing, and in return you will receive a state of eternal unity and bliss. The easiest way to think is that it’s your partner’s job to make you a happy person. And the truth is that the right relationship can certainly bring you happiness, but filling the feeling of emptiness in your heart is not your partner's job. This is your immediate and only your task, and until you take full responsibility for this emptiness, pain, longing within you, problems in your relationship will inevitably be present. Only you yourself are able to make yourself happy and no one else can do it. And you must create your own happiness before you share it with someone else.

3. Relationships based on addiction

When all your actions and thoughts revolve around the other person, you neglect your own interests, and this leads to addiction. When you create a precedent that someone else and not you is responsible for what you feel all the time (and vice versa), then both of you will develop that addiction. As a result, neither of you will be able to plan anything without your partner's approval. All your actions, even such seemingly ordinary ones as watching TV, must be specified. When one of you is upset about something, all personal needs fade into the background, because the main task of each of you is to make each other happy. The problem is that the development of this addiction creates feelings of resentment. I am sure that if my loved one lost his temper because of a bad day, was angry and would need my attention, I would react accordingly. But if I thought about his emotional state 24 hours a day, I would eventually begin to dislike his feelings and desires. Jim Rohn, a renowned American entrepreneur and author, once said: “The greatest gift you can give to anyone is your own excellence as a person. Once I said: “If you are attentive to me, I will be attentive to you. Now I say this: "I will be attentive to myself for your sake, if you will be attentive to yourself for my sake."

4. Relationships based on idealistic expectations

You love and appreciate people not because they are perfect, they are often completely far from ideal. "Ideal" is a deadly illusion, which none of us will ever be. We are all ideally imperfect just as much as we should be. In fact, the less you expect from the person you care about, the happier your relationship will be. No one in your life will act the way you expect. They are not you - they will not be able to love so much, to surrender so much, and to understand you in such a way as you do it yourself. The biggest disappointment in life and in relationships is unjustified expectations. In order not to be greatly disappointed, one should not be greatly fascinated. Bottom line: Any relationship will never actually be perfect, but if you're willing to work on it, you can get everything you've dreamed of.

5. Relationships in which you constantly hear the grievances of the past

When your partner continues to blame you for past mistakes, it's a sign of a wrong relationship. If both partners do this, then it turns into a hopeless struggle, which will show which of you broke the most over the years. When you reproach a person for their past mistakes in order to validate your current righteousness, it leads to a desperate situation. You are not only deceiving reality. Remembering the mistakes of the past, you are manipulating the other person. If this situation continues for a long time, both partners will end up spending all their energy trying to prove their innocence instead of solving today's problem. When you choose the person with whom you plan to build a relationship, you thereby accept him with previous mistakes. If you do not put up with his mistakes, then, in the end, the relationship with this person will not work out. If something bothers you about your partner's past, you should learn to take it normal. The past remains in the past.

6. Relationships that are built on daily lies

Trust is the foundation of good relationships, and when trust is eroded, it takes time to get it back. Often, people say: “I didn't tell him anything, but I didn't lie either. This statement is self-contradictory. If you cover up a lie, it’s just a matter of time before it surfaced and trust is lost. Remember, an opponent who speaks the whole truth to your face is always better than a friend or loved one who constantly lies to you. It is worth paying less attention to the words of people, and more to their actions. Their actions will show you their true faces. If you've caught someone lying, then it's time to be honest. Some people will often lie to you, thereby forcing you to repeat that lie over and over again until it actually turns out to be true. Don't take part in this absurdity. Don't let their lies become your reality. Do not be afraid to stand for the truth - for your truth. Forgiveness and reconciliation are out of the question until you or you are told the truth.

7. Relationships that lack forgiveness and a willingness to regain trust

It is a mistake to think that trust cannot be restored. When trust is lost, and this happens at some specific point in a long-term relationship, it is important to understand that it can be returned, provided that both partners are ready to work on themselves. In fact, when it seems to you that the solid foundation of your relationship is crumbling, you are given the opportunity not only to fix everything, but also to get rid of the dynamics of the relationship that led you to this. All of this will certainly hurt you, and you may even want to leave, especially if you think that trust cannot be restored. But if you realize that the level of trust falls and rises throughout life, most likely you will be able to find the strength that allows you to stick together, rely on each other and grow together.

8. Relationships in which passive aggression prevails over communication

Passive-aggressive behavior takes many forms, but is usually described as non-verbal aggression that manifests itself in negative behavior. Instead of openly expressing their feelings, some people make subtle, annoying gestures towards you. And you would rather do everything possible and impossible to get noticed than talk about what upsets you. This is clearly a sign of a wrong relationship. This suggests that you cannot communicate openly with each other. There is no reason to be passive-aggressive if you feel comfortable talking about things that bother you. A person will never feel the need to hide behind passive aggression if he is sure that he will not be judged for his thoughts. In the right relationship, you always openly share your feelings and desires. Make it clear that the other person is not responsible for your ideas and views, but that you are happy nonetheless to feel their support. If your partner cares about you, then you will receive this support or you will come to a compromise.

9. Relationships governed by emotional blackmail

Emotional blackmail is when someone puts emotional pressure on you if you don't do what they want you to do. The bottom line is that you change your behavior, against your will, as a result of emotional blackmail. This is grossly wrong behavior. The solution, as with passive aggression, is communication. There shouldn't be the slightest pressure, just open communication. It is critical for both partners in a relationship to understand that negative thoughts and feelings can always be calmly discussed with each other. Otherwise, people will suppress their thoughts and feelings, which will lead to distrust and manipulation. Perhaps there really is something that bothers you about your friends or loved one. Why don't you talk then? Are you afraid you will upset someone? Of course, you may or may not be upset. There is, of course, another option. Just put up with it until one day you explode and express everything. Remember, it's okay to be offended by the person you care about, just as it's okay when you don't like something about that person. After all, we are all imperfect creatures. Finally understand that trusting a person and accepting any of his choices are two different things. Someone may be devoted to you, but he may not be happy with something in you. On the other hand, partners who are able to communicate and criticize each other without judgment or emotional blackmail will ultimately benefit.

10. Relationships that are always relegated to the background

By not investing enough time in a relationship, you are making a huge mistake, which leads to the wrong relationship. Most often, we realize this mistake only when everything starts to collapse. The truth is that relationships, as a living being, also need to take time to continue their existence and prosperity. It's easy to let everything in life take its course, especially when you have a husband, kids, a job. But a relationship can be compared to a indoor flower, if it is not watered several times, it will wither. So in a relationship, you will not find the time - they will begin to deteriorate. Try to find time each week to only spend with those you care about, and time each day to spend at least a few minutes with them. Nothing is more appreciated than your sincere attention - your full presence. Being with someone nearby, listening carefully and not looking at the clock every minute is what is so important for each of us. This is truly the most valuable thing you can do for another person. Now it's your turn ... What would you add to this list? Have you encountered the wrong relationship? Leave your comments and share your ideas.

There are more than 7 billion people in the world now. And, it would seem, is it really impossible to find a worthy couple among them, to live happily and die in one day?

Can. However, look around you: not all couples are perfect for each other. People enter into the wrong relationship according to all the laws of the genre: they swear, endure, rage, take offense, but for some reason do not part. Unfortunately, for some reason, many of them are building relationships without a future.

Why do people get into such wrong relationships?

Falling in love with everything in its path, overwhelmed with passion, rose-colored glasses, flowers and candies, naturally, overshadow the mind at the beginning of any relationship. There is little rational here - people are driven by feelings and emotions. But over time, the eyes open slightly, the problems become more obvious, but a habit of being together arises, a feeling of possessiveness and egoism awakens: "I will not give up mine." This is how wrong relationships are built, which subsequently cause many problems in life together.

The reasons why people enter into the wrong relationship are different for everyone, but there are 3 main ones:

For a long time there was no sympathy and love.

If you have not had physical and spiritual contact with a person you like for a long time, it is possible that the first possible option will be perceived by you as “the last chance”. This lowers the bar in choosing a partner, because you miss mutual affection, care, love. This is fraught with the transfer of your own desires into a couple, the difficulties of previous problem relationships, unrealizable expectations.
Love at first sight.

It is in such a situation that the likelihood of entering into a relationship without a future is off the charts. Your partner seems ideal to you in everything, although you look at him through the prism of his most attractive qualities to you: charm and external attractiveness, consistency, seriousness and measuredness, etc. That is, the wrong attitude is formed already at the first stage. You can lie on the couch for hours in an embrace and every moment realize how perfect everything in your couple is. However, you do not yet think that long-term relationships are built not only on mutual sympathy and love, but also on common interests and ideas about life, on the adoption of various negative traits of a partner's character, on goals and aspirations. A little later, typical problem relationships develop from blind love.
In such a situation, acquaintances and close people act as PR specialists an excellent option for you. You hear how handsome, smart, interesting and purposeful a person is. And come to a meeting with him with the foundation of your wrong attitude to him laid. You may even think that other people know better, and the first impression is deceiving, and in front of you is a really great option. Of course, in such a situation a miracle can happen, and people really suit each other according to certain criteria. But "chemistry" may not work, falling in love, which is also based on mutual attraction, and not only on the alignment of coinciding qualities, will never come. Moreover, acquaintances can advise a person based on their own ideas about who is right for you.

If a person, for any of the above reasons, starts dating another person, it is highly likely that, at best, they will have a relationship without a future, at worst, a problematic and destructive relationship. When disagreements occur in a couple at first, people still cannot see the typical signals that help to understand where everything is going.

10 types of wrong relationships

Any relationship - healthy or not - is an invaluable experience on the path to a happy life.

When you manage to make peace, that's great, but when you end an unhealthy relationship, you still win.

At least, because you are learning to understand people and understand what you need. Below we list 10 types of wrong relationships from which we urgently need to get out.

Relationship "for one"

Feeling lost can be a source of desire to meet someone who can reduce your tensions by taking responsibility for what is happening in your life. Imagine that you are like a pet with a collar around its neck, and someone else has a leash, and you have absolutely no idea where it will take you.

A relationship without a future begins when one of the couple is helpless in front of the other. The essence of a healthy, right relationship is freedom. Harmony in them appears precisely due to the ability to choose, decide, think independently, and not looking with an open mouth at a partner. In such a relationship, both partners have a foothold for personal development, independent of the visions and plans of the other. But while you (or your partner) gravitate towards the decisions of the other, while “living for him”, while pushing all your goals into the background for the sake of mythical happiness, dissolving in a partner, alas, your relationship is doomed.

Relationships that "complement" you

There is an idea in the world that people should devote their lives to finding their soul mate, who intends to fill their spiritual emptiness. The basis for this is fantasy and romantic love. It is assumed that the moment will come for the meeting of the "one" or "the only", and then the suffering, longing will disappear, and you will come to a happy family life.

If you approach the choice of a couple in this way, then initially you will be driven by dubious expectations that life with the arrival of the “same” partner should instantly change for the better. And the other half, who was so long-awaited, must make her happy. It is important to remember that such romantic notions of love should not overlap reality. In reality, only full-fledged individuals, self-sufficient happy people can build successful relationships. Making you happy is not your partner's job, but your personal direct responsibility. If you do not take responsibility for your feelings and emotions, you will move from one problematic relationship to another.

Dependent relationship

If your thoughts and actions are focused only on your partner, you put your interests aside, you yourself may not notice how addiction fell. When you shift responsibility for your feelings to someone else (and vice versa), this dependence increases.

The result is the expectation of constant approval from the partner, and in his absence - quarrels and resentments. By the way, resentment not only can form from scratch, but also intensify, even if there is no reason for this.

In a dependent relationship, the state of partners usually jumps from unearthly love to destructive hatred, tantrums and breakups. Then - again peace and love. And again scandals. Understand that if a loved one lost his temper because of a failed day, would be angry, it would be strange not to show concern and understanding. However, if all thoughts throughout the day are occupied with his emotional state, thoughts about him, what he will think, whether he will approve of your decision, how he will react to your proposal, etc., you are in danger. This type of problematic relationship entails psychological problems, stress and depression, resulting from the unhealthy course of any relationship in a couple.

Relationships based on the illusion of the ideal

Many people are far from ideal, but you value and love them. The ideal is an absolute illusion, unreal and non-existent. Stop idealizing your partner, labeling him or her with responsibilities. You will be much happier if you lower your expectations of your loved one. No person can be 100% what you would like to see him. As long as you don't allow your partner to be who they are and to express themselves the way they want, you will suffer from a painful relationship, seeing the guilt in your partner. Unjustified relationships cause the greatest grief in life. Without being fascinated, you will not be disappointed.

Bottom line: no relationship is really perfect, but realizing this, investing in them, you will get a chance to build a harmonious, happy family together.

Relationships in which past grudges surface regularly

If you are constantly blamed for the mistakes of the past, resign yourself, but this is a feature of a wrong relationship, which often turns into a competition - who will hurt whom the most. Of course, such a couple has few prospects.

By reproaching a person for past mistakes, to confirm your own righteousness, you drive yourself into a dead end. Remembering the mistakes of the past and trying to manipulate your partner, cause shame, guilt, submission in him, the maximum that you are trying to achieve is greater distance from each other, an increase in irritation and stress in your couple. If this does not stop for a long time, the energy of both partners is ultimately wasted on proving their own innocence, instead of solving the most painful issue.

Choosing a companion for a relationship, you accept his earlier mistakes, otherwise, the relationship will collapse. Learn to adequately perceive the past of a loved one, especially if you see that he has repented.

Relationships built on lies

Trust is the foundation of harmonious relationships. If it is broken, it takes time and effort to bring it back. Some people like to justify themselves with something like phrases: "I didn't say anything, but I didn't lie either." Contradictory excuse. If you're covering up a lie, then you know you've done something unpleasant to your partner, right? Think that it will open up in any case, how then will you regain trust? This is not an easy task at all.

It's the same with a partner. If you caught him lying, do not rush to get away with everything, justifying him and even believing that he lied "for good." Even if he did not want to offend you and hid the truth, he did something that would hurt you? So why are you willing to forgive everything? Because he apologized? Doubtful argument. Don't make a lying relationship your reality. Don't be afraid to demand the truth if you feel you are being lied to, even if you have apologized to you. There can be no talk of any healthy relationship as long as a wad of lies rolls between you.

Relationships with no trust left

It is a mistake to think that trust cannot be returned. Can. There would be a desire ... At a particular stage in a long-term relationship, trust may disappear, but you must remember that it can be returned if both of you are ready to work on yourself.

It will be especially painful for you if you think that trust will not return, and after making several unsuccessful attempts, it is possible that you may even want to leave. But understand: trust in a person is formed by two people, and the first of them is you. If you want, give a chance, and the person will not fail to take advantage of this chance, do not blame him for a mistake over and over again. It is not easy not only for you, but also for him. With such joint work, you can get out of problems, otherwise, your relationship will have no future and will tragically fall apart after all mutual accusations, pains and resentments.

Relationships with a touch of passive aggression

Passive-aggressive behavior manifests itself in various forms, but usually denotes subconscious aggression, which spills out in negative behavior: instead of openly expressing feelings, the partner makes subtle but annoying signals in your direction.

And you will by any means seek to be paid attention to, instead of speaking out about your own grievances. This is an obvious feature of a wrong relationship and a clear sign of the secrecy of your communication. If you feel comfortable talking about your concerns, then there is no reason to choose a passive-aggressive behavior. This is possible when a person is sure that he will not be condemned for what he has said or done and does not need to turn on psychological protection. A well-built relationship always allows people to be open and discuss their feelings and desires.

Let your partner know that you are not demanding responsibility from him for your ideas, views and decisions, but that you would be pleased to feel support from him. A compromise in such a situation would be optimal. If you can't come to him, and you again receive "injections" in your address, it's time to get out of this sick relationship. The constant inability to prove yourself due to the risk of negative assessment, screaming and resentment from your partner will inevitably destroy your couple over time. And that's not to mention nerve cells.

Relationships built on blackmail

“If you don’t do this, then…” - a familiar phrase? Emotional blackmail occurs when you are emotionally pressured to get what you want. The bottom line is that your behavior is changing against your own will, under the influence of another person and in his interests. This behavior naturally has no place in a healthy couple.

You can resolve the situation by communicating more, expressing your feelings and thoughts. That is, to strive for maximum openness in communication. Both you and your partner should be free to express whatever you are experiencing. Otherwise, trust will build and manipulation will be used more and more to get what you want.

If something is worrying, maybe it's time to discuss it? Are you worried that it will upset your loved one? Of course it can. Or maybe not. While you hide your true attitude to what is happening, resentment and anger will mature in you, and in the end, you will still explode and express everything that has accumulated, spicing up your own inventions.

Remember, it's okay to be offended by your loved one. Also, as well as normal, if something does not suit you in it. After all, he is not you. And may not be your perfect part. Most importantly, note for yourself that showing trust in a person and approving his choice are not the same things. Do not impose your "only correct" point of view. Partners who are ready for communication and mutual criticism, without showing judgment and emotional blackmail, win in the end.

Supporting relationships

A serious trait in bad relationships is the lack of time devoted to them. In fact, such a connection is a relationship without a future, without a present and, at best, with a minimal "strange" past. However, you can notice this "slip" only when everything is slowly but surely collapsing.

Relationships are like a living being and need to be allowed time to continue to grow. It's easy to let everything go by itself, especially if you have a husband, children, work, friends - complete stability, in a word. So the familiar routine and indifference arises. And when the relationship comes to a standstill, people either start to rush about, frantically looking for ways to "refresh" them, or end them.

Learn to appreciate what you have. Take a look back: when was the last time you went on a date, made each other happy, or ended up genuinely talking about your concerns or making plans together. Making time for your loved ones is easy. Yes, you have so many problems at work. Yes, there is no time to even sleep. But leave these worries outside the door. At home - be with those who are dear. It's a pleasant job. Appreciate the person who is around, pay attention to him. And if you don’t want to - don’t waste time, leave.

We have already said that you cannot fit a relationship into any framework. Relationships are similar to creativity, everyone does the way they feel. From this we can conclude that there is no "correct" way.

After all, there is no sure way how to show your attention or care. There is no way to raise children, resolve conflicts, communicate with relatives, which would be the only right one, right? This is contrary to many books on psychology, but it is true from experience.

The main thing is to know that any article or book is the opinion of an individual person, it is absolutely not necessary that it coincides with yours.

All of this is true for relationships as well. Therefore, in YOUR RELATIONSHIP, IT IS NECESSARY TO SEARCH THE METHOD FOR SOLVING THE PROBLEMS, WHICH WILL SUCH YOU EXACTLY AND SET BOTH. And you don't need to think that this method does not meet the standards that you read or saw somewhere. The main criterion in assessing the correctness of actions is the promotion of relations, either actions will be good or bad, there can be no other options. You do not need to follow the principles that are accepted from friends or elsewhere, if they do not work. The main thing is to treat each other with understanding, that's all.

There are couples, the relationship within which I represent something incredible and unusual for everyone, but this does not mean that they do not coexist well with each other.

There is no need to blindly act according to the rules that someone invented for someone else. You need to build relationships in which you will be comfortable, and not those that will please everyone around you. Relationship building can be turned into a hobby - just like reading books, raising children. And you do not need to attach special importance to the words of other people, this is your relationship, and you yourself know how you are better in them.

Relationships will turn into perfect ones when you can change your partner.

For a long time, people who believe that they should not do anything for their own happiness, that the right person will one day fall on them from the sky, and they will live happily ever after, not knowing sorrows and problems. And if the person with whom they are building a relationship does not suit them, they begin to blame him for all the troubles, they say, he is not what I need, it's all about him. At this moment, they believe that everything can be good only if the partner changes, for the better, for them. And if he does not want to change, then there is no point in the relationship either.

Many who have already lived in marriage can say that sometimes they had thoughts that if their partner had this, this and this is not so, but in a different way, everything would immediately become good. This is one of the most terrible myths. You need to influence not on your partner, but on yourself. You are the main one in your own relationship, it is you who influence their course. Knowing that you can change everything, only in this case a positive outcome of your actions is possible. If you yourself do not decide anything, then the partner will not want to act.

You don't need to think that your fault is in all sins, and your partner is clean. No. BUT YOU SHOULD KNOW - YOU ARE HALF OF RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR RELATIONSHIP, AND FOR WHAT THEY WILL DEVELOP FURTHER, OR NOT. Just as your partner influences the relationship with your behavior and character, so do you create or destroy, depending on your actions.

The main reason for creating such a myth is that it is much easier to blame another person than to do something yourself. Thanks to the myth, you can easily relieve yourself of responsibility.

If the relationship in the form in which you have it now does not suit you, then something needs to be changed, and this does not mean that you need to change your partner. But you also don't need to be like the bad habits of partners, read correspondence, follow, take offense at trifles - you need to eradicate this in a partner, and change yourself so that it does not happen again in the future. After all, any action is a reaction to another action.

Life, including relationships, is the result of your work. You don’t need to throw the blame on another person and you don’t need to let him shift it onto your shoulders. Your happiness is only your concern, no one else will think about it. All changes must be started with yourself - only in this case you will be able to receive a reciprocal gesture from your partner. YOUR LIFE is YOUR CARE and only YOU should think about it, and not shift it onto other people's shoulders and wait for help from nowhere.

Outdoor recreation

Various sporting activities. If your child, and you yourself love football, hockey, basketball or some other sport, then you can go to the open stadium and play the ball together. The time is guaranteed to be fun and exciting.
Take a boat or catamaran ride. A great choice for the whole family is a trip to the park where there is a pond. Even if the reservoir is not too large, the boat trip will surely please all family members. During the walk, you can watch fish in the water with your baby, listen to birdsong, sunbathe ...
Amusement park. A weekend trip to the amusement park will be a lot of fun. In addition to attractions for young and adult visitors, as a rule, animators work in parks and entertainment shows are organized.
Zoo. You can watch elephants, tigers and monkeys, feed swans, laugh at funny bear cubs and learn a lot at the zoo.
Walking around the city. You can just take a walk in the parks - fortunately there are many of them in the city. Get some fresh air, have a small picnic. The main thing is to instill in children that you need to remove all the garbage in the parks.

In general, you can think of a lot of options for spending time outdoors - play badminton, ride bicycles or roller skates, attend various events that will take place around the city on holiday weekends, such as cooking sumalak or pilaf.

Rest without plans

You can also relax at home if the whole family has absolutely no desire to go out into the fresh air, although you can devote a couple of days to this. But one can agree that sometimes it is pleasant to spend such a weekend, when each member of the family does what he wants. No one is cleaning, walking in their favorite clothes, walking in the rain or, conversely, hiding under a warm blanket, reading their favorite fairy tales aloud.

All weekend trip to family

Many have grandparents who live outside the city or simply have summer cottages. This is another way to spend your holiday weekend. Gathering with the whole big family, inviting friends to barbecue themselves in the fresh air, watching a movie or playing entertaining games with children - this is much more fun than it might seem at first glance. The participation of children in games brings a certain sweet and touching component. Moreover, the time spent together tightly binds and brings people together, allowing them to relax and truly rest.

Summing up, how exactly to choose a vacation for you, just remember that the best vacation is a vacation with the people closest to you - family and friends. After all, they can help you get closer, mend broken relationships, and even reconcile those who are at loggerheads.

Take care of yourself and enjoy your rest!

Psychologists say that if a child rarely cries, it means that he is quite balanced, his psyche is formed correctly, but in any case, from time to time, parents are faced with children's tears and then they start to worry about the question of how to behave with a crying child and how to calm him down.

Bindings - Wrong Relationships

Let's start with the basics, without this it is impossible. When communicating with each other, people exchange energy, it flows from one body and falls into a similar energy center of another person. And, naturally, the same process is going on from the other side. Thus, in the energy body of a person around the chakras, energy formations of “non-native energy” are collected.

The difficulty lies in the fact that each of us has an absolutely unique frequency of our own vibration. In nature, there are no two identical such frequencies ...

The only exceptions are Halves - Man and Woman. They have a complete energetic similarity. Moreover, each of them is absolutely individual, it is a separate person with its own set of personal qualities. Only the “base frequency” of the halves is absolutely identical. That is why, in my opinion, the halves very characteristically feel each other, as an extension of themselves. This feeling cannot be confused with anything. More details on this topic will be in a separate article, there are many different nuances ...

Consider an example where we will consider energy exchange between people who are not halves:
- the energy received as a result of communication at the first stage is stored around the chakra that received it, then it begins to partially dissipate, but for the most part it remains in the subtle body, passing into another state.

Please note this is important:

THE ENERGY OF ANOTHER PERSON BY DEFINITION IS INCOMPATIBLE WITH OUR NATURAL ENERGY!

That is why we cannot solve our problems with the help of someone else's energy.

The energy of communication, like any other energy of a subtle level, consists of two components - informational and energy.
We can usefully use the first, informational component for ourselves - we can understand something for ourselves, decide something based on the NEW knowledge we have acquired.

But to do something, directly change something in our life, we can only ourselves,

NO ONE FOR US CAN EVER SOLVE OUR LIFE LESSONS.

And what about the energy component?

This part includes the energetic concepts of INTENTION. It's like an impulse put in place by the sender - our interlocutor. Indeed, very often we are not just told something, but more than insisted ...

Want an example? - Please:

Parental Attachments: Mother and Son.
In this pair, there is always a powerful energy exchange in both directions. The son, according to the law of the genre in adolescence, tries to throw off such relationships, they prevent him from developing as a full-fledged and independent person. It's not for nothing that adolescence is called the age of “pulling out roots”.

Well, in the meantime, this does not succeed, he agrees with the requirements and instructions of the Mother. Her energy tightly blocks the main chakras, if he does not take responsibility for his Life upon himself, "he lives with her mind."

How do you feel when forced to do something?

Naturally! - You resist!

And if you do not resist externally, then resist internally. And this already causes destruction of the Inner World, its imbalance and disturbance of harmony within you.

Here is the most important conclusion:

FOREIGN ENERGY IS DESTROYING FOR US,

despite the closeness of family relations.

Someone else's energy is not compatible with ours, it does not fit the same way as someone else's blood type!

By the way, it is in this example that there is another very sad meaning. The Mother's energy in this case takes the place in the sexual energy center where the energy of the half should be.
That is, a young man who has a strong attachment to his own mother will not be able to “catch”, identify his soul mate ... His energy center will be blocked by maternal energy. The same can happen when the Daughter is attached to the Father.
No mysticism, pure physics ...

How to be?

First of all, to understand.

Then to understand that we all go through life lessons on the Free Choice Game Board and this is nothing more than just another lesson.

AND MAKE A DECISION TO GET RID OF BINDINGS IN YOUR LIFE!

Probably one more thing - not to confuse God's gift with scrambled eggs: - do not be afraid to get rid of them, from the bindings.

WE WILL NOT STOP LOVING PEOPLE DEAR TO OUR HEART, REMOVING THEIR BINDINGS!

We will simply gain freedom and give freedom to them - in making their own decisions, the right to dispose of their own destiny, in the end, in the right to make a mistake.

I think this is one of the most important Laws that we all go through here on Earth.

So, Practice:

Imagine a person close to you in front of you, to whom you feel emotionally dependent.

Turn to his Immortal Soul, tell him mentally that you are grateful for the fact that he provided you with these lessons of understanding Freedom on Earth.

Say that you understand the meaning of these lessons and now you are ready to give up the wrong energy connections that you had with him before.

Ask him to do the same to you.

Imagine him standing in front of him at a distance of 1.5-2 meters. Imagine that you see these two-way channels of energy between you, for example, in the form of ropes of different colors or in the form of hollow pipes of different diameters through which energy is communicated.

Now slowly remove your channels from this person, and ask him, also slowly, to remove his channels from you.
Be sure to do it slowly, without jerking, smoothly.
How slow is it? - Here's another image for you: Imagine that you have crawled into a dense rosehip bush with your bare hand to the shoulder, and now quietly, so as not to hurt yourself, release your hand back. - Remove the bindings at about the same speed.

A few more words about energy metabolism in general:
There is a very competent approach to the topic of energy relations in the Toltec tradition. This understanding is very close to me. The strongest side of such a view of the World is the understanding of energy, its nature and energy Laws.

It is the lack of his own energy that does not allow a person to live long and in health, to begin to be aware of the world of Dreams, where we spend a LOT of TIME, and in general, to control our destiny.

It's all about ENERGY, or rather, its absence.

All this leads to a completely natural conclusion - it must be collected at the point "now", the Toltec tradition has such instruments of consciousness.

The topic of bindings is multifaceted and not at all harmless, as it might seem from the very beginning. They also broke Life more than once for many of us. It's time to move on to Unconditional Love and give up attachments.

And do not be confused - removing the bindings does not mean removing energy connections, it is not the same thing.

Wrong relationship

One of the most common ways to lose energy is, oddly enough, relationships. But not those relationships in which a person is happy, calm and develops harmoniously. I am talking about that "union", where each of the participants feels dissatisfaction, is irritated with his partner, and each meeting ends with a showdown, quarrels and grievances. Unfortunately, such relationships are very common in the modern world. A man and a woman live together not because they are cozy and comfortable with each other, but for reasons such as the fear of being alone, unnecessary to anyone, lack of confidence in themselves and their strengths, fear of changing something. Often, it is the habit to a certain person, feelings for whom have long passed, turns out to be the rake that a person steps on from day to day and breaks his forehead.

Treason, unfortunately, has always been and remains the scourge of our time. They destroy families, inflict pain, ignite small wars, the people who survived them can no longer trust their loved ones, fearing to be deceived again.

In many books and films, treason is almost cultivated, elevating to the rank of something superior, courteous, beautiful and non-bourgeois, justifying it with love, passion, fate. But love should not bring pain, much less should it be based on deception, lies, fooling someone. A woman who is being cheated on by a man, or a man who is being cheated on by a woman, feel this, but they are not always able to realize the reasons for anxiety and anxiety, they are not always able to understand where the joy suddenly disappeared, where the energy flows. And the energy, meanwhile, goes to another person, who turned out to be the third in the relationship, broke the initial union that binds two people, broke the connection between them.

Energy flows out of the house, giving way to anxiety, anxiety, suspicion, and self-reflection. A happy, full-fledged family has been valuable in all eras, because it is not just that people strive to create these microworlds. The family collects and stores energy within itself. If this energy is dissipated, spending, say, on a mistress, a man stops feeding his wife with energy, giving her to another. And the woman, in turn, cannot fully trust the man and shuts herself off from him, thus interrupting the flow of energy that the spouses exchanged earlier.

Someone will say in excuse that a mistress or lover only strengthens the marriage, giving that variety that spouses cannot give each other. Don't believe it. As a rule, such beautiful grandiloquent phrases can be heard from those who cheated, cheated, or with whom they cheated. Cheating sooner or later ends in hysterics, breakdowns, attempts to escape from oneself, hide from the outside world, or, on the contrary, declare publicly about their rights to this or that person. There comes a time of quarrels, a showdown. And few are ready to start a serious conversation and understand why the relationship has cracked, what happened, and whether something can be fixed and the loss of overall energy can be stopped.

Not only betrayal can cause a gradual "disintegration" of relationships, energy leakage and, along with it, the desire to maintain a family hearth. Entering into a relationship with a person under pressure from relatives, in connection with the prevailing circumstances, for example, an unplanned pregnancy, due to selfish interests, the spouses initially doom themselves to the fact that in such a relationship there will be no exchange and renewal of energy. Such a relationship can last for a long time, without incidents, conflicts, quarrels, betrayal and clarification of relationships - when there is no relationship, then there is nothing to find out. But such an alliance is not beneficial either. He remains neutral, but this neutrality in this area can only be assessed negatively, since it does not allow the spouses to disperse and meet a person with whom they will be bound by mutual sympathy, mutual feelings.

Reciprocity is the key word in a relationship that promotes the accumulation and exchange of energy within the family ring. It is not for nothing that rings have become a symbol of marriage bonds. In the ring, energy does not flow away, does not disappear, it constantly circulates, works, feeding those who make it up. In cases where a person's feelings are not mutual: “one loves, the other allows you to love”, taking it for granted, as something natural and giving nothing in return, only one person gives energy, while the other only absorbs it and spends it on , what he sees fit.

Therefore, if you feel that your feelings are not reciprocated, do not try to build a relationship with this person. If you decide on this, then be prepared for the fact that you will have to constantly "work" for two, for two, distributing your energy between yourself and another person. Depression, illness, apathy, dizziness, loss of appetite are few things that such a relationship can lead to. Remember these characters from children's cartoons or fairy tales: a very fat and grumpy wife constantly scolds her skinny and quiet husband, drinking all the juices from him, literally and figuratively? And the more “kind” the wife is, the faster her husband “heals”. Fairy tales preserve age-old wisdom, family magic, science. They are not created from scratch, each of them has a vital basis, its own explanation.

Relationships that are clouded by quarrels from day to day not only contribute to a decrease in energy levels, but also lead to serious illness. Losing energy, a person deprives his body of the ability to withstand the environment, heal wounds, and recover. During a showdown, you waste energy or give it to your opponent, who feeds on it, thus restoring your strength. This is a peculiar form of vampirism.

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