Is it hard with a second child? Personal experience: the second child is easier! No illusions about life after childbirth

For some, a second pregnancy is desirable and expected, and someone, as one friend of mine (who already had one child) put it: “I walked around with the ringing of bells in my head for several days.”

One way or another, having experienced the first emotions, do you wonder what to do next? Second child: easier or harder? I hope that abortion in any case will not be a way out for you. And therefore, you will have to prepare again for life metamorphoses, only now taking into account the presence of the firstborn.

A site for moms site will tell you what to expect from a second pregnancy and what you should pay special attention to.

Second child: pros and cons

Firstly, during the second pregnancy, mom (and dad too) is calmer about everything that happens, since there is no longer a novelty that was with the firstborn. And this is not bad at all: there is no fear of the unknown; a woman, as a mother, has already taken place.

Secondly, the first child helps mom to get distracted, and in the daily bustle, the time of pregnancy runs faster.

Thirdly, the birth itself is more fleeting and, as a rule, is easier.

Of the difficulties of the second pregnancy, one can name a more pronounced toxicosis, since not always the mother will have an extra hour to lie down, relax, recover. And toxicosis, as you know, does not like fuss.

How to prepare for the arrival of a second baby in your home? Our advice

1. It's time to pay increased attention to the independence of the first child and deal with the elimination of "weak spots". Let him master and consolidate in practice useful skills that will greatly simplify your life.

Does he know how to dress himself, tie his shoelaces? What about potty training on your own? These skills should be dealt with especially, because soon you will not be up to it. Does the baby know how to play calm, not noisy games? Teaching a child to be silent is also extremely important.

2. If you are still breastfeeding your first baby, decide if you will continue breastfeeding until birth, so that you can feed both of you later, or is it time to wean your first child?

If you choose the second option, then do it in the first half of pregnancy , otherwise the child may associate weaning with the appearance of a brother / sister on the horizon, which will be associated with negative emotions.

Yes, and any changes in the family regime should be carried out in advance.

For example, kindergarten. Do not start accustoming your child to kindergarten when there is nothing left before the birth. In order, again, not to combine the child's stress about the kindergarten with the appearance of a "competitor". Or moving from mother's bed to a separate "mink" - all these subtleties are best done in advance.

3. It is certainly worth preparing the first child for a family replenishment, but it is better to do this when the belly is already visible. So it will be easier for the baby to accept when everything is almost before his eyes. In addition, it is difficult for children to wait and imagine how all this will be until there are no noticeable changes.

4. You should also consider in advance all force majeure circumstances. If, God forbid, you need early hospitalization, with whom will the first-born be left? Are there reliable people who can temporarily look after him? Or is there a trusted nanny in mind, at least for a week? Well, if they are already familiar with the baby and spent time together, then the unexpected mother's absence will not be psychologically traumatic for him.

5. Pay First Child Attention to Young Children - how they play, eat, try to pronounce their first words and express emotions. Show him his childhood photos, films, pictures from magazines.

6. Teach your child not only to take, but also to share your care, love, mercy. Maybe you have small animals at home? Does the child know how to take care of them: walk, treat, feed, bathe, clean the cage, or is it exclusively the prerogative of the parents?

If he has such skills of caring for defenseless creatures, the chance of a responsible and kind attitude towards the appearance of a baby increases markedly. Teach, teach and once again teach the child to give, to open his heart to the weak! It would be nice to go with him to a shelter for homeless animals and bring humanitarian aid, even if it is very small. There can be a lot of options for “development of kindness” here, and it all depends on how ready you are to help.

7. Last but not least. If, upon discharge from the hospital, you will be met by family, relatives and your, now the eldest child, don't forget about him. Hug him and tell him how you missed him all the days of being in the hospital.

Your family and friends will certainly congratulate you on your new addition. Ask, if possible, of course, that they do not forget about the first baby. Let them pay attention to him on this day, delighting him with small amenities, toys and gifts.

This is the first step to avoid possible future jealousy and resentment of the child for the lack of constant attention to which he is used to.

Of course, these are only the most general tips and there are many pitfalls ahead in the relationship between older and younger children. Children's jealousy deserves a separate discussion. How to ensure that sisters and brothers are not only relatives, but also friends? How to make sure that there are no quarrels and even fights in subsequent years of living under one roof? We will tell you about all this in the next part of ours.

First and second child: mother's reaction

And finally, a few funny examples of how our attitude towards children changes with experience.

How does mom change diapers?

1. First child every hour, whether dry or not.
2. Second child every few hours if needed.

What does a mother do if a nipple falls to the ground while walking?

1. First child. He immediately puts it in his pocket and boils it when he comes home.
2. Second child. Turning it over in his hands, he rinses it with juice from a jar and sets it in place.

How does mom behave with the nanny?

1. First child. Calls home every hour to find out what and how.
2. Second child. Leaving the house, she discovers that she forgot to leave her phone number to the nanny.

PERSONAL EXPERIENCE: It's easier with a second child! Ekaterina Mazeina, mother of two daughters, talks about her personal experience. 1) I allow myself to be imperfect My life with children is reminiscent of that old joke where the first child was sterilized, and the third one eats from a cat's bowl and this is the cat's problems. We don’t have a cat, but we have a dad who was so worried about the newborn eldest that he quartzed the apartment a couple of times a day. Naturally - he took out a special lamp, kicked me out of the room and ultraviolet madness began. However, I was also ready to irradiate not only the living space, but also all the guests forcibly, because they have microbes, and we have a lyalechka. No wonder no one came. With the second daughter, we didn’t even get a terrible lamp, we were suspiciously happy with the guests, especially if they agreed to sit with the girls. Now the youngest crawls with might and main, and I still try to wipe the floors every day. Although if I didn’t manage to do it during the day, I won’t start soaping the parquet in the “zombie” mode at night. With a second child, it is easier to allow yourself to be imperfect - not to iron children's things, not to bathe the baby for forty minutes every day, not to walk when you have no strength, and not to do much more. At the same time, do not feel guilty and do not compare yourself with other mothers. If this is in principle possible. 2) Not trying to raise a genius. I have a photo on Facebook of my eldest two-month-old daughter poking her nose in a Van Gogh reproduction, carefully placed along the side of the crib. This is ridiculous now, but then I was sure that two months was the right age to get acquainted with the post-impressionists. Having barely learned to hold her head, the daughter became a constant and only listener to my teaching monologues. “Look, Nina,” I shared my knowledge, “this is a house, it has ten floors, let's count: one, two, three ...” The child happily drooled in response. I did not give up, it is clear that after three it will be too late. And the girl developed according to her age, not paying attention to my pedagogical exercises. Books about early development are covered with dust, no one shows the baby black-and-white pictures with letters, no one tortures her with special children's music to improve cognitive abilities. I perform an exclusively hugging-kissing function, and the older child is already cracking on the radio. Well done, I think. 3) I am confident in myself as in my mother. Only with the second child did I finally believe in myself as a mother. And if earlier I listened more to experts on how to educate, love, treat and feed my daughters, now I focus on my knowledge and instinct. Of course, the fear for the baby has not gone away, but now I can control it, because I trust myself and am not afraid of mistakes. For example, with the first child, the beginning of complementary foods was an event, even so - it was an EVENT for which the whole family was preparing. We decided: to start with cereals or vegetables, give proven jars or stock up on a blender and farm zucchini, choose instant cereals or grind cereals. I sat on the Internet at night, studied articles and forums and endlessly doubted the decisions made. My daughter, as if considering my insecurity, sabotaged dinners as best she could - spitting pumpkin, turning a plate of buckwheat and smearing cottage cheese on the table. There were no such throwing with the youngest, I clearly understood what I would feed her, on what schedule and what I would do if she refused to eat. And lo and behold, there are no problems with complementary foods - baby Vera has an exceptional appetite and greedily eats even the controversial broccoli. It took an hour to feed the first daughter and a mom-animator with a solo program, now a maximum of twenty minutes, including washing dishes and a glass of green tea after. And it’s not about a particular successful choice of food, but about my inner confidence that everything is going well. Children are telepaths - didn't you know? 4) Problems out of the blue - thanks, no need. A short and disturbing dream is not only for an alcoholic, but also for a young mother. The first night in the hospital with my eldest daughter, I did not sleep, I kept looking at her. No, she was not touched, but she was vigilant - whether she was breathing. And the following nights too. Endlessly wooled the Internet in search of information: how much should a child sleep at one month, and at one and a half, and at six? If she suddenly spilled the age norm, then I sat and worried whether the baby was healthy. Sometimes for hours, because I came across a gloriously sleeping baby. And my daughter slept exclusively on her stomach like a frog, and I read on the Internet that it was dangerous. And I was terribly nervous at first, trying to turn a person from an amphibian pose into some position more approved by Internet pediatricians. That is, we did not have real problems with sleep, but there were a lot of my personal dances around the crib. The second daughter sleeps for as long as she needs - twenty minutes or four hours, in the position in which she is comfortable. And most importantly, while she sleeps, I go about my business, and do not sit with a conditional stopwatch and do not expect that she is about to wake up. Because coffee won't drink itself, and chocolate won't eat itself - that's what I'm trying to do. 5) There are no illusions about life after childbirth. When I was expecting my first daughter, I thought that the child was just a new pleasant addition to life, like another hobby. “Just to give birth and give birth to a healthy child, and then nonsense,” I thought naively. It never occurred to me that childbirth is only the beginning of a long journey along which from now on and forever we will go with the baby. In this new reality, my desires meant almost nothing, I did not manage myself, my time and personal space. With all my love for the child, I was not ready for this. After a while, I accepted this life: I learned to change diapers with my eyes closed, clean the whole apartment in half an hour, cook only healthy food, not scream and count to ten if a peppy baby pours borscht on the floor. In general, I prepared myself mentally and psychologically for the appearance of the second one. And when she was born, nothing really changed in our family life. Well, several new worries were added, but there was no longer any question of any cardinal coup, as for the first time. But there was a quiet joy: I forgot to breathe from tenderness near her bed. What is surprising is that now with two children I feel freer and happier than with one. This is what a life-giving habit does.

Depositphotos

I allow myself to be imperfect

My life with children is reminiscent of that old joke where the first child was sterilized, and the third one eats from a cat's bowl and this is the cat's problem. We don’t have a cat, but we have a dad who was so worried about the newborn eldest that he quartzed the apartment a couple of times a day. Naturally - he took out a special lamp, kicked me out of the room and ultraviolet madness began. However, I was also ready to irradiate not only the living space, but also all the guests forcibly, because they have microbes, and we have a lyalechka. No wonder no one came.

With the second daughter, we didn’t even get a terrible lamp, we were suspiciously happy with the guests, especially if they agreed to sit with the girls. Now the youngest crawls with might and main, and I still try to wipe the floors every day. Although if I didn’t manage to do it during the day, I won’t start soaping the parquet in the “zombie” mode at night. With a second child, it is easier to allow yourself to be - not to iron children's things, not to bathe the baby for forty minutes every day, not to walk when there is no strength, and not to do much more. At the same time, do not feel guilty and do not compare yourself with other mothers. If this is in principle possible.

Not trying to raise a genius

I have a photo on Facebook of my eldest two-month-old daughter poking her nose in a Van Gogh reproduction, carefully placed along the side of the crib. This is ridiculous now, but then I was sure that two months was the right age to get acquainted with the post-impressionists. Having barely learned to hold her head, the daughter became a constant and only listener to my teaching monologues. “Look, Nina,” I shared my knowledge, “this is a house, it has ten floors, let's count: one, two, three ...” The child happily drooled in response. I did not give up, it is clear that after three it will be too late. And the girl developed according to her age, not paying attention to my pedagogical exercises.

The second daughter is now seven months old and all her intellectual development consists in the fact that she sometimes rustles with a garbage bag. When it gets to him.

Books about early development are covered with dust, no one shows the baby black-and-white pictures with letters, no one tortures her with special children's music to improve cognitive abilities. I perform an exclusively hugging-kissing function, and in radio mode it’s already crackling. Well done, I think.

Confident like a mother

Only with the second child did I finally believe in myself as a mother. And if earlier I listened more to experts on how to educate, love, treat and feed my daughters, now I focus on my knowledge and instinct. Of course, the fear for the baby has not gone away, but now I can control it, because I trust myself and am not afraid of mistakes. For example, with the first child, the beginning of complementary foods was an event, even so - it was an EVENT for which the whole family was preparing.

We decided: start with cereals or vegetables, give proven jars or stock up on a blender and farmer's, choose instant cereals or grind cereals. I sat on the Internet at night, studied articles and forums and endlessly doubted the decisions made. My daughter, as if considering my insecurity, sabotaged dinners as best she could - spitting pumpkin, turning a plate of buckwheat and smearing cottage cheese on the table.

There were no such throwing with the youngest, I clearly understood what I would feed her, on what schedule and what I would do if she refused to eat. And lo and behold, no problems with - little Vera has an exceptional appetite and greedily eats even the controversial broccoli. It took an hour to feed the first daughter and a mom-animator with a solo program, now a maximum of twenty minutes, including washing dishes and a glass of green tea after. And it’s not about a particular successful choice of food, but about my inner confidence that everything is going well. Children are telepaths - didn't you know?

Problems out of the blue - thanks, no need

A short and disturbing dream is not only for an alcoholic, but also for a young mother. The first night with my eldest daughter, I did not sleep, I kept looking at her. No, she was not touched, but she was vigilant - whether she was breathing. And the following nights too. Endlessly wooled the Internet in search of information: how much should a child sleep at one month, and at one and a half, and at six? If she suddenly spilled the age norm, then I sat and worried whether the baby was healthy. Sometimes for hours, because I came across a gloriously sleeping baby. And my daughter slept exclusively on her stomach like a frog, and I read on the Internet that it was dangerous. And I was terribly nervous at first, trying to turn a person from an amphibian pose into some position more approved by Internet pediatricians. That is, we didn’t have real ones, but there were a lot of my personal dances around the crib.

Depositphotos

The second daughter sleeps for as long as she needs - twenty minutes or four hours, in the position in which she is comfortable. And most importantly, while she sleeps, I go about my business, and do not sit with a conditional stopwatch and do not expect that she is about to wake up. Because coffee won't drink itself, and chocolate won't eat itself - that's what I'm trying to do.

No illusions about life after childbirth

When I was expecting my first daughter, I thought that the child was just a new pleasant addition to life, like another hobby. “Just to give birth and give birth to a healthy child, and then nonsense,” I thought naively. It never occurred to me that childbirth is only the beginning of a long journey along which from now on and forever we will go with the baby. In this new reality, my desires meant almost nothing, I did not manage myself, my time and personal space. With all my love for the child, I was not ready for this.

I remember the heady feeling of freedom when for the first time after giving birth I went alone to the store for bread and how, oh my God, I didn’t want to return home, but I wanted to wander the streets and endlessly and senselessly watch the snow fall.

After a while, I accepted this life: I learned to change diapers with my eyes closed, clean the whole apartment in half an hour, cook only healthy food, not scream and count to ten if a peppy baby pours borscht on the floor.

In general, I prepared myself mentally and psychologically for the appearance of the second one. And when she was born, nothing really changed in our family life. Well, several new worries were added, but there was no longer any question of any cardinal coup, as for the first time. But there was a quiet joy: I forgot to breathe from tenderness near her bed. What is surprising is that now with me I feel freer and happier than with one. This is what a life-giving habit does.