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What a future dad needs to know. Psychologist's advice to future dads

On the Internet, you can find a lot of information about how to behave a man with a pregnant wife, how to take on the role of a father, how to help his wife take care of the baby. But all these tips are written either by mothers in the form of wishes, or by doctors or other specialists, for example, psychologists.

Extraordinary because they were written ... by the Pope. Alexander created the first "daddy" blog in Ukraine, which he called "Tats to dads", in which he shares his own experience of "lagging behind daddy".


“Hi, my name is Sasha and on the first of February I became the father of a wonderful daughter. There are many women's sites and forums dedicated to motherhood. But it is somehow not customary to talk about fatherhood in our country ... In linguistic and cultural practices ("the room of a mother and child"), a person as an active dad does not seem to exist. Therefore, in this blog I will make my humble contribution to equality and share my findings and impressions of the role of a father, ”writes Sasha.

So, attention, future dads! A few tips from Alexander on how to support your wife during pregnancy.

Although outwardly pregnancy is not yet noticeable, it is the first trimester for many women that is difficult. Your concern at this stage will not be forgotten and will be a good contribution to building lasting relationships. What advice may seem obvious, some optional, but some will definitely significantly improve the life of your beloved:

1. Chat with other parents. Chat with your dad. You will understand what you want to do the same and what not.

2. Take your wife for a walk every day. At least pin up at home. If possible, go to nature to breathe fresh air, feed the birds, and swim on a boat.

3. DO NOT be discouraged when your wife is sick. Hold her hair during this, immediately bring water. Bring a light breakfast in bed (salty crackers, fruit, toast, lemon juice ...) to prevent nausea.

4. Support your wife in leading a healthy lifestyle. Reduce junk food in the fridge. Keep yourself in shape. Sleep well. Exercise. If you smoke, it's time to quit.

5. Go with your wife for an ultrasound scan. Ask the doctor to show your face, fingers, brain. Save a snapshot of your child.

6. DO NOT guess the gender (“I hope it will be a boy!”). When the doctor determines it, show that you are happy with the result When the baby is born, you will love him regardless of your previous wishes. And remember that gender depends on the X or Y chromosome was brought in by your sperm.

7. Stand up for your wife in everything. You should be her biggest defender, always by her side. Do not hesitate to "knock out" her a chair, a place in transport, skip-the-line, proper attitude from others. Make it feel like she can rely on you.

8. Show your interest. You will not be thinking about pregnancy every second of your time. But your wife will. She may feel that you are not interested enough in the child. Be patient. Read books (or blogs :) about parenting.

9. Take regular time to talk about pregnancy. Tell your wife about the traits that will make her a wonderful mom. Plan for the future. Discuss the question: “What experience do we have with children? What else do we need to learn? Who can leave work for how long? Who can help with the child? "Etc..

10. Don't be silent :) Don't be afraid to ask your wife what else you can do to help her get through the pregnancy better. Don't be afraid to tell her about your feelings and experiences.

Try to make sure that pregnancy is only mentioned with pleasure.

The above things are for the first half of pregnancy. (However, this does not mean that you can stop observing them further.)

The second half of the advice concerns the period when it is impossible not to notice the stomach, instead of nausea, back pain came, and it was time to pack up things in the hospital.

1. Sign up for a course for pregnant women. And visit them with your wife! You don't want her to sit there alone, surrounded by couples.

2. Find out important information: what is the vaccination situation? what do you need to get government aid? Show that your wife doesn't need to worry about bureaucratic issues.

3. Consider what can help you cope with the physical stress of pregnancy. Help your wife find and attend some kind of Pilates, yoga, swimming.

4. Maintain your sense of humor. Even if you have dozens of witty jokes in your tongue about changes in your wife's appearance or behavior, voicing them is not a good idea.

5. Patiently and dreamily keep your hands on your stomach when your wife wants it :) Even if you don't feel any movement there.

6. Talk and sing to your child. This will help him recognize your voice more quickly after birth.

7. Write a letter, song, poem for your child. Craft something for her.

8. Help your wife dress and put on shoes. She should no longer bend over, and you have a chance to practice the skills that you will need soon.

9. Discuss whether you have a joint birth (I unquestioningly recommend the answer so), what you will do, or stay until the end. Pack your belongings to the hospital. You will then have to look for everything from them.

10. Remind your wife daily that she remains attractive to you.

Do not forget DO NOT poultry coffee in the apartment and make sure that your wife does not expect cake and champagne at home after giving birth.


Good afternoon, dear mums and dads. Welcome to the site administration

Any pregnancy, even the most desired one, becomes stressful for the family, as it entails serious changes in marital relations and the lifestyle of future parents. First of all, a woman faces global changes in life, because while waiting for a baby she changes not only physically, but also. The expectant mother begins to feel herself in a new way: she focuses on the processes taking place inside her, adapts to the not always pleasant "companions" of pregnancy (toxicosis, weight, edema, etc.), and at the same time becomes impressionable and vulnerable. Right now, more than ever, she needs the support and support of the second half.

Of course, during this period a woman is not always the same as always, she can become demanding, capricious, jealous. Her mood can change several times a day. But do not forget that the pregnant woman does not quite belong to herself: her psyche is largely controlled by hormones and poor health. Therefore, in order to gain understanding at this stage, the future dad will partly have to work for two. But how to build the right relationship with your wife, to understand what she wants if a man sees only external changes and can only guess what is happening in her soul? In this case, knowledge will come in handy to make it easier to understand the situation.

Will you become a dad? Find a place for a feat

It is really difficult for a man to understand what his wife feels, why she acts one way or another, because he himself cannot experience pregnancy at a physiological level. But this is not at all a reason to simply dismiss the "quirks" of your beloved. So that it doesn't seem to you that your spouse is deliberately bullying you and complaining for no reason, try to understand the processes that occur during her pregnancy.

Examine the materiel of pregnancy. There are many ways to get information about carrying and giving birth to a child: read specialized books and magazines for moms and dads with your wife, listen to lectures and webinars from doctors and perinatal psychologists, attend classes for future parents. Knowing about pregnancy and baby's development will help you gain a deeper understanding of your spouse's condition. You will be able to understand that the wife's well-being is often far from ideal, to understand the physiological causes of ailments and mood swings, and to make sure that many anxieties have their basis.

Apply the knowledge gained in practice. Having properly "grounded" on the topic of pregnancy, you will be able to provide real help, reassuring your loved one in time, suggesting the right decision. For example, noticing an inadequate change in your wife's taste preferences and getting an idea of ​​the origins of such changes (lack of vitamins and minerals, reactions to emotional stimuli, hormonal changes), you will be able to choose alternative products that are necessary for her in terms of composition or properties.

Find a place for a feat. If possible, do not hesitate to sign up with your wife for special classes for parents-to-be. In addition to obtaining the necessary information in a "live" presentation, you form a visual representation of your role in this whole process: what is in your field of responsibility, how exactly can you alleviate the condition of your wife, how to interact with the child? When pregnancy becomes common, the woman ceases to feel lonely, there is a feeling of security and confidence that everything will be fine with her and the child. And this significantly reduces the level of anxiety and stabilizes the mood.

Restructuring family relationships

You will have to accept that over the course of nine months, your wife's appearance will become more and more distant from wedding photos, and marital feelings for you may fade into the background, giving way to some self-obsession and unbearable character.

Make allowances for the "motherhood dominant". If you attend courses with your wife, you will find out that this is a woman's natural focus on maintaining pregnancy. During the period of waiting for the baby, the woman turns on and often begins to dominate the natural biological need to ensure the well-being of the unborn child. Such an attitude, of course, can offend a spouse, but you need to understand that this is necessary. Increased attention to her own needs allows a woman to identify and correct any problems in time.

Find a trait in your wife that you especially like right now. It is you who are able to show your soul mate that she is not only a future mother, but also a beloved wife. Try to look at her from the other side, fall in love again. After all, right now your spouse is most touching in her vulnerability. Pregnancy is a time when an inner beauty opens up for a loving man in his wife, more personal and deeper than just external attractiveness. Give compliments, romantic evenings, or walks. Maintain your wife's desire to look beautiful, don't forget about gifts. These little things will make a huge contribution to your family relationship, which is now moving to a new stage.

Dad-to-be: a wife should be helped

Pregnancy is, of course, not a disease, but a rather serious burden on a woman's body. In addition, carrying a baby brings a lot of restrictions to daily life. Such seemingly mundane things as contact with cleaning agents, restriction on lifting weights, etc., can negatively affect the health of the expectant mother and baby. Therefore, if you notice that your spouse has become irritable and began to express complaints to you that were not there before, this is a serious "bell". Perhaps she's just tired. The help of the husband, and sometimes his leading position in this situation, is simply necessary.

Try to take on some of the household chores on yourself, without waiting for requests or reproaches. This does not mean that you have to put your pregnant wife to bed and take on the entire burden of work and household. Everywhere you need a measure, and in a conversation with your wife you can find out what kind of help she would need at this time. Perhaps it will be taking care of cooking (or ordering homemade food from a trusted store, visiting a cafe) during a period of toxicosis, when a woman is sometimes simply unbearable to stand at the stove.

Think about new home appliances. If you do not have the opportunity to provide your wife with daily help with household chores (for example, you work late), or you find it difficult to overstep the traditions of the parental family and your beliefs (“a man should not do women's affairs”), you can always find a way out. Perhaps you will come to the idea of ​​purchasing, which will be useful not only now, but will also significantly facilitate life after the birth of a baby (for example, a dishwasher, a robot vacuum cleaner, a multicooker, etc.).

Distribute household chores more or less equally. Thus, for example, that you can do some of them on weekends (for example, buy groceries for the whole week, iron clothes, etc.).

Family relationships: what a future dad can do

Often, dads-to-be are sure that their main and only concern for their wife and baby is making money. This, of course, cannot be done without it, but it is equally important for a pregnant woman to constantly feel other care, which is called "participation." Family relationships become more harmonious when the husband is involved in pregnancy not only financially, but also emotionally.

Try to be with your wife as often as possible. Meet and see off to work, if possible, go for a walk, go to the pool, arrange small excursions or just spend the weekend together planning the future with your baby. If time permits, accompany your wife from time to time to the antenatal clinic. During pregnancy (especially the first one), visits to the doctor can be quite alarming for a woman; from anxiety or embarrassment, she may forget to find out some information, to tell something. In this case, your presence and timely inclusion in the dialogue will help correct the situation.

Take on "monitoring". The expectant mother usually has a lot of trouble preparing for the birth of a baby. I would like to think over everything to the smallest detail, to clarify some points for myself, to be on the safe side. Try to understand your spouse's feelings and take part in resolving them. For example, a man will definitely choose a good stroller from those that his wife liked, focusing on quality and technical issues; can express his opinion on the design of the nursery, etc. Do not stay away from the doctor or the doctor, analyze the options, evaluate the conditions, go with your spouse to find out all the details. You yourself will be surprised how imperceptibly you feel the communion with your wife and everything that happens.

Conversations "with the belly"?

For the expectant mother, contact with the child during the period of his intrauterine development is a natural process. She communicates with him at the level of hormonal reactions, emotionally, physically, mentally. Often a woman talks to an unborn baby, reads fairy tales to him, sings ... For a man, all this often looks absurd, he does not understand how to establish contact with someone who is not yet visible. Therefore, future fathers often dissociate themselves: “When he’s born, then I’ll touch his heels,” “If he turns at least three years old, he will understand something, then we will communicate.”

Believe that the baby is already living. In fact, during the period of his intrauterine development, the child already has his own life. Despite the fact that he is still an “invisible man” for you, the baby in the mother’s belly enriches her sensory experience every week of pregnancy: it is getting better and better at picking up her mood (by heartbeat and hormonal signals), hears her voice and distinguishes sounds of the outside world, feels the touch on the stomach. Therefore, you should not postpone communication with the baby for the future, especially since by establishing contact with the baby now, you will significantly facilitate the first months after his birth for yourself and your wife. After all, the child will be more likely to calm down in your arms and fall asleep to your voice if he is familiar with them in advance.

Don't miss the opportunity to see the baby. To do this, try to go with your wife for an ultrasound scan. The opportunity to see the child in his movements with his own eyes contributes to the man's full awareness of the fact of his future paternity.

Develop communication skills. Every pleasant word addressed to his wife, a gentle touch will certainly be passed on to the child, because mother and baby are inextricably linked. In addition, you can communicate directly with the baby himself through his mother's belly. If you feel uncomfortable talking to your belly, you may not say anything at all. Just listen to the life that exists inside your wife, transfer the warmth of your hands to the child, catch his movements. Such contact with an unborn baby is especially important if the pregnancy turned out to be unexpected and at first you were overcome by doubts about the unborn baby. It will be very useful for both your wife and your son or daughter to receive confirmation of their need for you every day. This will greatly reduce the woman's nervousness and improve your family relationships.

Of course, not all dads-to-be have to be heroic while expecting a baby. Many pregnant women quite peacefully await the appearance of a baby, without experiencing strong emotional shocks, physical ailments and "deterioration" of character. Nevertheless, they also need special attention, care and participation, even if they do not show their needs with scandals, tears, or eternal discontent. Remember that it is you, as a husband, who can make sure that memories of pregnancy are accompanied by smiles, not resentments.

Pregnancy only seems to be an exclusively female affair. In fact, it requires the participation and close attention of the man. During this period, he can help his partner not only put on shoes, but also cheer her up in those moments of hormonal despair when she will compare her dimensions with the area of ​​a one-room apartment in Yasenevo.

1. During pregnancy, her emotionality is not just whims and mood swings, it is a form of expression of feelings legalized by hormones. Therefore, you need to talk to her as correctly and gently as possible. You should not give her compliments that are directly related to changes in the body during pregnancy. There is a high risk that she will only hear: “You are fat. Thick! "

Therefore, she just needs to talk, constantly remind that she is cool and in general beauty. She regularly goes to the mirror to look at herself with her belly to make sure of this, so support her. Support and hug her with words if your hands are no longer meeting on her stomach.


2. Don't be overly, overly caring. If before pregnancy you loved long walks, played sports games, or had especially wild sex, all this can and should be continued, just by slowing down a little. Walk a little shorter distances, engage in less active sports, come up with calmer erotic games.

Because if you completely stop doing what you both are used to, you know what she thinks? "He does not want to touch me or communicate with me, as before, because I have become ugly and fat!" Of course, not all women react so dramatically to pregnancy, but during this period, none of them is immune from a fall in self-esteem against the background of changes taking place in her body and mind.


3. A balance must be found between concern and vigilance. During pregnancy, both her and you are waiting for a variety of discoveries: for example, she may want not only junk food, but also harmful substances, such as alcohol or pills from the head, which should not be taken during pregnancy. Ask what drugs she drinks, what the doctor prescribes for her, google it all, be keenly interested in her new food pens and keep your ear sharp.

Make sure to keep her physically comfortable wearing the pregnancy. Sometimes a pregnant woman can find comfort in the most uncomfortable places or ridiculous positions: on the bathroom floor or standing on all fours with her head buried in the sofa.


4. Read books about pregnancy and childbirth. You can start the next day after finding two strips on the dough. Read how the first trimester differs from the second, and the second from the third. What are the risks and pathologies. What happens to her body. How will the birth take place? All this knowledge will help you successfully carry out all three previous points, as well as better understand her (and give her the confidence that you care about her position).

5. Take notes. This also helps a lot - you can look at many situations from the outside, return to certain episodes of a pregnant life, gain experience and be able to use it. You can blog, video blog, or some small handwritten diary. Not everyone has the strength and desire to do this, but it's still worth a try. Sometimes it comes out very funny.


6. Disconnect your brain. Sometimes this is necessary to abstract from this or that strange situation: she may be offended by the insufficient amount of tea in her cup, cry at the sight of crumpled sparrows, be upset if you have not read her thoughts that she wants chewing sweets, slam the door into a bathroom to lie there on the floor because no one understands it. All this can happen even to the most adequate woman in the world. Believe me, this is it. During pregnancy, especially the first one, many strange things will seem strange to you, but in fact they will not be.

The word "pregnancy" comes from the word "burden". The task of the modern husband is to perceive this burden as a common one and to bear it with dignity with his wife for all nine months.
Advice to the future dad.

(Proceed)

To get a little closer to understanding how your pregnant wife feels, try tightening your belt so that it is difficult to breathe, tuck a soccer ball or globe under your shirt, put on tight shoes and walk like this for at least half a day. For a thrill, do your housework - mop the floor, wash the laundry soaked in the bathroom, cook dinner. There are different strategies for the behavior of a "pregnant" husband - someone seeks to earn as much money as possible, believing that the wife should do her own specific female affairs, and he is the breadwinner, his business is work. Someone, on the contrary, is constantly interested in the level of hemoglobin in his wife, goes with her to the doctors. And someone from time to time "warms up" with friends, getting ready to celebrate a joyful event "on a grand scale", leaving the care of his wife to herself, nature or mother-in-law.

Everything is going as it should.
Of course, a pregnant woman has many reasons to worry and stress. Surely your wife often looks anxiously in the mirror, observing the transformations of her figure. It's not just the figure that changes; sometimes legs, face swell, age spots appear. All this is quite natural - a radical restructuring of all systems is taking place in the body of the expectant mother. Together with his wife, her wardrobe is changing, which is increasingly difficult to call elegant. Your support (as a man) of her appearance is very important for your wife. Don't skimp on your compliments. Let's be honest - sometimes the outer beauty really recedes for a while, but try to discern the inner beauty that every pregnant woman begins to radiate. For a loving man, the wife at this time becomes much closer, dearer. Tell her about this more often. Maybe you have come across figurines of monkeys from India: one of them closes his eyes - this means “I don’t look bad”; the other covers her ears - “I don’t listen to bad things”; another one covers her mouth with her paw, which means “I don’t say bad things”. This is approximately how a pregnant woman should behave. And her relatives, first of all her husband, should help her wife to get as many positive emotions as possible. Watch the content of TV programs that your wife watches, and so do you; avoid disputes and quarrels; walk more, preferably not in noisy and bustling places, but in the park, in nature. An art gallery is preferable to a cafe. Do not hesitate to accompany your wife when she visits the antenatal clinic or clinic. Emotionally, these visits are quite stressful, so your psychological support will not be superfluous.

During this difficult period, it is not always easy for a woman to cook food - on the one hand, it may simply be physically difficult for her to stand at the stove for a long time, on the other, due to her special sensitivity to odors, recurrent nausea may interfere with her. We will not remind once again about the toxicosis of pregnancy, everyone knows about this. The help of a man, and sometimes a leading role, is especially important here. In addition, the husband should be aware of modern views on the diet of a pregnant wife. You must be careful to ensure that your wife and child are eating a sufficiently varied and healthy diet rich in vitamins and minerals, in particular calcium. And if your wife suddenly became capricious and irritable, tell yourself: this is how it should be, then everything is going as it should!

Keep Olympic calm.
The phenomenon of depression of a pregnant woman is also widely known. It usually occurs early in pregnancy. The reason for it, in general, is quite natural - the woman understands that there is no turning back. It is only in the song that it is sung: "I am pregnant - this is temporary!" Just as in nature there is a qualitative transition from a caterpillar to a butterfly, so a woman turns into a mother, more and more aware of her responsibility for the health and life of the future baby. Share this responsibility with your wife, try not to feel lonely, but to be confident in your support and protection. It is the feeling of security that gives a woman confidence that everything will be fine with her and with the child. In order to better understand the condition of your wife, do not consider it difficult to read special books for pregnant women and expectant mothers. For the well-being of your family, take care to maintain good relations with your old and new relatives. Let the period of pregnancy for all adults be like the period of the Olympic Games in antiquity - a time of peace and rejection of all sorts of clarifications.

If they teach you (and they will definitely teach you), then your reaction can be of three types: "Buratino's reaction", who, as you know, first sent a good advisor away, and then completely threw a shoe at him; position such as “I will pretend to listen to other people's advice so as not to annoy anyone, but I will do it my own way” and the position “why don't I really listen to these people, extra wisdom will never hurt”. Try to ask your mother and your mother-in-law for any advice - you will see, they will be very pleased.

The child is the man's father.
Not all future dads, as well as future mothers, are psychologically ready to become full-fledged parents. Sometimes the news of pregnancy falls on them like snow on their heads. - A husband should take care of a pregnant wife, and a wife should take care of her husband, otherwise he may even get sick. Such cases are not uncommon. During pregnancy, nature itself helps a woman, rebuilding her hormonal processes, a man does not have this, - says Yulia Postnova, midwife, director of the parental school "Jewel". “Many young men are beginning to fear the challenges ahead. It even happened that some infantile husbands, having learned about their wife's pregnancy, ran away to their mother. Unfortunately, there are also situations when a man, receiving much less attention from his pregnant wife than before, begins to be jealous of her unborn child. Nature has allotted nine months for the maturation of not only the child, but also his future parents. And the best way to accelerate the growing up of a husband is taking care of his wife and the long-awaited baby. It is also very useful to jointly attend special trainings and seminars for expectant mothers and fathers.

Communication with the child.
You probably already know that there is a so-called perinatal psychology, which studies the patterns of growth and formation of the baby's psyche in the mother's womb, explores the mechanisms of interaction and communication between a mother and her child during pregnancy. It has long been established that the baby in the mother's stomach not only feels her mood, but also hears what is happening around. Of course, the first thing he hears is the pounding of his mother's heart. Experiments show that later, when he grows up, he will be able to accurately identify the sounds of his mother's heart among many others. This is not surprising, because the child listened to this sound for nine whole months. The child also perfectly hears his mother's voice and distinguishes it from other voices. He understands not only her intonation, but also her emotions. If mom is worried, then he begins to worry. This is also quite natural, because he and his mother have a lot in common, right down to the circulatory system. Experts recommend that mothers talk to the baby, listen to calm, melodic music with him, even read aloud fairy tales with a calm and simple plot. Then, already at the age of three or four years, the child will recognize and prefer to others exactly the music and those fairy tales that he listened to while in his mother's stomach. Well, and one more small detail - everyone knows that when a person is nervous, he often bites his nails, chews on a pen or pencil. But a small child in the womb, of course, in late pregnancy, sucks a finger to calm down. We are specifically talking about this with you in order to show that the child at a certain stage of his intrauterine life is already very developed and almost "understands everything."
Therefore, dear dads, feel free to communicate with your child. First, this can easily be done through an intermediary wife. Any of your affectionate word or touch addressed to her will be immediately known to the child. He will probably be pleased to know that you have a good relationship with his mother. Secondly, you can just gently stroke the belly, talk to the baby, listen to his heart beating. It is difficult to convey in words what you will feel when you see the heel of your son or daughter clearly protruding on the surface of your wife's abdomen.

If the pregnancy was unexpected.
Have you met people who, with all their intonation, seem to apologize for the fact that they exist; people with very low self-esteem, who do their best to take up as little space in space as possible? This behavior often has as its cause specific problems that this person experienced while still in the womb - they did not really want to be born. For various and far from pleasant reasons, his parents had to decide the question: to be or not to be their child. He felt these doubts at a level accessible to his developing psyche, they determined his development. Such a child needs increased care and love. If at first you had not very good thoughts in relation to the unborn child, then you should not condemn and scold yourself for this. It will be more honest and courageous if you walk up to your wife and put your hand on her belly, just talk to your child, explain everything and apologize. Be sure to say at the end that you love him, well, and promise to go to the circus together in a few years. Practice shows that significantly more than half of all pregnancies are unexpected, or, as they say, "the stork brought a baby." A strong, mature man sees unexpected pregnancy as an unexpected joy. He mentally and aloud tells the child and at the same time his mother and his wife that he is glad to him, that he invites the child to his house, that he now loves him or her. Here, by the way, I would like to say a few words about the gender of the child. Some of the men really want a son, someone is expecting a daughter. However, imagine that you come to visit an unfamiliar house, and the owners, barely seeing you, exclaim in disappointment: "But we were expecting something completely different!" Will you be pleased to hear that? So it is for the child. Try to set yourself up in advance to accept a child of the gender that fate will send you. You shouldn't tell yourself to calm down phrases like: “Well, let the girl turn out, I'll make a real boy out of her” or “Boy again! Well, okay, next time there will definitely be a daughter. "

I remember that when we were going through War and Peace at school, I was unpleasantly struck by Nikolai Rostov's phrase about his own child: "A piece of meat ..." manifestations. The reality is that full-fledged fatherly feelings are not always formed quickly and immediately. It is easier for mom in this regard - when she proudly demonstrates to dad their common work and peers into his face with the hope of seeing tenderness there, she should at the same time remember that dad sees the child for the first time, while she communicated with it is almost a year old. Nature made sure that the Pope was more, so to speak, calm in relation to the child; otherwise, it would be difficult for him to leave him at home and go hunting or work to find food for the family. A young dad should not be intimidated by not discovering in himself such a storm of positive emotions in relation to his baby that women experience for a child. Do not force things, give yourself time - you will see, nature will take its toll.

Preparing for childbirth.
Do not consider everything related to childbirth as exclusively a woman's business. Find out in advance all possible information about the maternity hospitals available to you. At the same time, find out in more detail what can and cannot be transferred to the wife in the maternity hospital when she is already there. This will save you time and hassle. If you have such an opportunity, then try to take a vacation for a time when the time comes to give birth. With the birth of a child, it will be beneficial for the three of you to be together. When asked whether her husband needs to take part in childbirth (as is practiced, for example, in a number of European countries), midwife Yulia Postnova, herself, by the way, a mother of five children, answers as follows:

The husband's direct involvement must be responsible. Childbirth is a joint action of the wife and husband, and only the man who perceives them in this way can participate in them. Otherwise, it will not be participation, but a presence, which can only interfere with the wife and the medical staff. A good help to wives from those men who are not quite confident in themselves will be their prayer during childbirth. Most importantly, remember that pregnancy is not only a difficult period that must be endured, it is a period that can bring a lot of joy. Everyone understands that a pregnant woman needs help, but never treat your wife as a suffering, sick person! Pregnancy is the most striking sign of health!

Together you learned the great news - a child will soon appear in the family. You are happy, but at the same time, anxieties and fears, excitement and tension come: what will happen, how everything will happen, can you cope, can you. All mood swings and instability of a woman's psychological state can be explained by hormonal changes and other changes in the body. But what about future dads? For them, this is also a very disturbing and difficult stage. Let's talk today about "male" pregnancy.

A pregnant woman, due to the changes taking place in her body, suddenly becomes very fragile and vulnerable - not only physically, but also emotionally. She is waiting for support and understanding, a "strong back" nearby and at the same time can run away to her parents at any time, because she suddenly wants to feel like a small child herself ... At this moment, everyone is waiting for understanding, help, support, peace of mind from a man - and after all, he too is going through a crisis of changing his social role, from a husband or friend he becomes a companion of a lady in a position, and very soon the next change will take place, turning into a father ... Perhaps, one of the most important moments in a man's life.

Pregnancy is a very special period in the life of both spouses. A man is likely to find it difficult to tune in to the wave of his wife's experiences. No matter how much he prepares for the onset of pregnancy, physically he cannot understand and share the difficulties and painful sensations of a woman. Only a strong desire to understand and help psychologically can give the very necessary mood for both future parents, which will ease these difficult months and help together, as one whole, move to the role of parents of a newborn child.

The following months in this sense for both family members are easier than the first and the second, when both have not yet become accustomed to their new position.

How a woman can support her future dad

Next, we'll talk more about what a man needs to do, who has been turning into a father for nine months. And what can a woman do to help her friend or spouse become that perfect dad? How to behave, what and when to do or not to do during pregnancy?

Tips for a future dad

No matter how worried about the new circumstances a man, he needs to try as quickly as possible realize your responsibility and try to make the psychological situation as easy as possible for yourself and your spouse. Now it is also very important physical assistance: she not only allows a woman to save her strength, but also shows her that she is not alone, that her protector, hope and support are nearby. Try to do household chores together, share the trouble of preparing a dowry for the baby.

Healthy lifestyle- a guarantee of not only the health of the unborn child, he will definitely benefit you too! If your family was a smoker, share your wife's desire to quit smoking, or try to reduce smoking yourself. Become aware of your own benefits to changing your family's diet. Try to fit into the rhythm of the physical activity required by the pregnant woman: walk together, help your spouse do exercises for pregnant women, do not hesitate to remember the school habit of doing exercises yourself. As corny as it may seem, physical health will strengthen psychological well-being, you will feel more confident and better.

A man should be prepared in advance for the fact that sex life families during pregnancy can undergo dramatic changes. Of course, many women lead quite an active sex life during pregnancy, moreover, the rounded shape of a wife now can be even more exciting than before! But you need to be prepared for the fact that, for medical reasons, sex during pregnancy may be prohibited by an observing doctor. Or maybe the wife has a decrease in sexual appetite - you also need to try to treat this with understanding.

Some men, finding the rounded silhouette of their wife extremely erotic, gladly reach their belly, do not miss an opportunity to massage their wife or apply cream to their skin ... Others, on the contrary, are afraid to even touch the location of the unborn child. This may be due to the fear of harm, of doing something wrong. A woman here needs to show confidence, put her husband's hand on her stomach, let him feel the baby's movements, the jolts of the legs and arms. After all, the sooner it starts communication of the child with the father, the easier it will be for the latter to adapt to his new role. Scientists claim that a child, while still in the womb, remembers the voice and sensation of his father's touch, and such prenatal communication is very beneficial for both. Introducing the masculine principle into the pregnancy process has a very beneficial effect on the child's development process and lays the foundation for his full-fledged personal development in the future.

Mid-term pregnancy- the best time for future parents. The woman has already experienced hormonal changes physically and mentally, both spouses are accustomed to the new situation, got used to it. Uncertainty, fear, excitement recede. The time is coming for joint rest, making plans, active preparation for the appearance of a baby.

Last weeks of pregnancy impose restrictions on the intimate side of the parents' life, but now is the most favorable time for dad's prenatal activities with the unborn child: reading aloud, "communicating" through stroking the abdomen and tremors from the inside, which are now felt and noticeable to prying eyes! Dad can be advised not to miss the opportunity to talk to the child, sing or read to him, touch his wife's belly - the baby is already accumulating information about the people closest to him!

How to behave in a man during pregnancy

  • Attend antenatal care with your wife... Most doctors will be very supportive of the family's desire to be together for consultations. Try to find time for such trips, as well as for being present for an ultrasound procedure.
  • Experience pregnancy together... As noted above, it will be easier for you to understand your wife while experiencing pregnancy with her: helping you exercise, approving healthy dietary choices, quitting smoking. If possible, do not miss a joint vacation, travel, communication with mutual friends - soon both of you will be deprived of the freedom necessary for these matters for some time.
  • Learn more about pregnancy. Arm yourself in advance with books, films, programs about pregnancy, about the physiological and psychological changes that are happening to your spouse. This will make it easier for you to understand it, and you will be prepared for the difficulties that may arise.
  • Communicate with your baby before birth. Stroke your wife's belly and feel the child's response, sing to him or read aloud - you don't have to pick up books of children's fairy tales, because the main thing in the process is your voice, its sound, timbre, intonation.
  • Prepare the child's dowry together. Budgeting and planning your spending, and going to children's stores together will be a pleasant time together, and your family finances will be less affected if you schedule your expenses in advance and carry them out on a regular basis.
  • Talk to your wife about pregnancy and your worries. This is probably the hardest part. Try not to be isolated in yourself, not to pretend to be an unshakable hero in this situation. Your wife, who herself may be worried and confused right now, will find it easier to understand you if you share your feelings with her, and together it will be easier for you to overcome difficulties.

Try for the nine months given by nature to prepare for the birth of a child, not only financially, but also psychologically. This event, wonderful and exciting, will change your life forever, you must approach it mature, ready for responsibility, which in turn will become a guarantee of happiness and confidence in the future of your whole family.