The husband is engaged in virtual sex in the chat. How to wean a man from virtual sex

People who approve of IT adultery emphasize the word "virtual", and emphasize this, calling the whole process the word "virtual". It turns out, and not treason at all, but kind of like a computer game: he conquered the galaxy, killed thirty thousand monsters, but not a single animal was hurt.

Opponents focus on the word "betrayal", no matter whether through the Network or in real life, all the same "You were not with me"!

Wirth is, of course, the achievement of progress. And it can be classified according to the level of resources used: e-mail, ICQ, Skype, social networks ... : "What a lovely long staff you have, my sweet magician." Sometimes text Wirth is accompanied by the transfer of a photo, and sometimes it turns into an even more visual form, up to direct online videoconferences with online stripping, stroking, and so on. By the way, here you have to be as careful as possible - the video is often recorded, and it is possible that it is laid out somewhere.

Ask your boyfriend (and at the same time two or three) if they consider virtual betrayal to be treason. All in unison will say: "No, this is not treason!" And they speak completely sincerely. It's just that the main word here is "more". Virtual betrayal for a man is just preparation for a real one! Take-off in front of a full-fledged adultery in all its physiological glory.

Renting a room in a hotel, buying elite alcohol and an armful of flowers is not treason either. Treason, if you're lucky, will come later ...

Yes, I understand that I'm laying mine now ... But someone must someday tell the truth! Think for yourself, men never do anything without a specific and important goal for themselves.

Justifying the funds

This for you Wirth can be an end in itself. Therefore, I am ready to admit that he is not as criminal on your part as on mine. Why are girls getting into all this online whispering? You can honestly answer: because the office is boring; because it is interesting to talk to someone unfamiliar; because you want to feel interesting and attractive and you will name 80 more reasons ... In any case, starting a frivolous correspondence with some "incognito", you least of all think about how to really change in three days.

And why do boys enter into virtual relationships, looking for beautiful and effective interlocutors? No one to chat with? In general, can you imagine a man who will say: "I love to mess with girls so much, I don't need anything else, if only they were hanging on my ears"? For most of us, typing on a keyboard is hard work. And if we tackle it, the reason must be weighty.

This girl can just come to the store to read the price tags - she is interested. And it is not a fact that he will buy something. This is not why a man comes to the store. He will not re-read "sausage, sausage, sausage" twenty times, but simply buy and eat. Clear? There are no male lovers of virtual romance.

When a man writes, "What an interesting interlocutor you are!" And one more indicative fact: no matter how spiritualized the virtual communication is, there comes a moment when he writes: "And came a photo ..."

What follows from this? Wirth itself is not treason. This is just an invitation to infidelity, stretched out in time and passed through computer, telephone and social networks. In any case, for a man.

I take it to heart

In general, if someone, and it does not matter - a man or a woman, begins to secretly correspond with someone, this is a sign of trouble. Sooner or later, online friends will try to meet. And attempts will continue until a suitable option is found or a belief that is fatal for any relationship is formed: "All women (men) are the same."

The situation is much more complicated when no one kisses anyone, does not get goose bumps and does not undress in front of the webcam. In medical terms, the symptoms are blurred. It would seem that there are all the signs of virtual betrayal: an unknown opposite-sex friend, regular epistolary contacts with him, the use of modern computer technologies. On the other hand, the style of communication is not fancy-erotic. Something like "I ate a bun for breakfast, the bosses are harmful and stupid, the weather looks like the bosses, plans are to buy a bedside table and slippers, the mood is difficult, and now I like purple the color." Formally, there is nothing to complain about, just chatter. Reminiscent of the conversation of spouses at dinner about everything and about nothing. Here's the catch: what prevents him (her) from talking to me about this? And then an insult comes next: it means that he (she) has no time to listen to me, and it’s not clear with whom there is always time to talk about garbage for two hours? This may turn out to be even more offensive than an open Wirth.

Many girls view their men’s virtual adventures as a necessary evil, like watching pornography. And to be jealous of such nonsense is not to respect yourself. But if instead of "You are so beautiful," heart-to-heart conversations and discussion of films, books, relatives and bosses begin, then it is here, oddly enough, that you can expect big trouble. If you scroll through such correspondence, then somewhere in the middle phrases like "Nobody understands me as well as you do", "I can only communicate with you so freely and interestingly", "I think I have known you for a thousand years." and, finally, something that can infuriate the most loyal person to Internet weaknesses: "I'm more interested in being with you than with ...". Then the unfortunate virtual cuckold or the cheated wife is surprised to discover her name.

The devastating consequences from such a sweet and innocent communication can be worse than from the darkness of virtual naughty ones with a set of phrases at the level of "Liu cha, zai".

I'm trying to advise

How to behave if your priceless one is caught in virtual treason? You can kill immediately. Or you can pretend that you have not noticed anything, and anonymously register with him as a "friend" - most likely, he will not refuse. Men's vanity is flattered when new ladies are added to it, no matter for what purpose. Knowing its characteristics, preferences and tastes, you can achieve outstanding results. And your dreary real existence will turn into a whirlwind virtual romance, and you will remember all the time that you are collecting dirt. When gigabytes of dirt accumulate, you will develop depression. You go to catch him red-handed, he will be offended that you "followed and did not trust" ... In short, it was better to kill him right away.

There is a less sophisticated, but more effective way to discourage the desire to look under other people's virtual skirts: organize such a life for him in real life so that there is no time for Wirth! A year of joint travel to exotic countries. Dinner conversations about football and fantasy - but you never know. If the basis of the relationship was something more serious than "just to be with someone", all trips to the left on the Internet will be removed as if by hand. And if not ... Better sooner than later with undermined nerves.

BACKGROUND

People began to exchange messages of an erotic nature at about the same time when letters were invented. True, with the assistance of a postman with a thick bag on his belt, the process dragged on for weeks, months and years. Balzac corresponded with Evelina Ganskaya for 20 years ...

The accessible Internet made it easier for men to access both hot videos and virtual dating. This gives rise to reasons for jealousy, worries about relationships and fear of betrayal. Why does a man need sex on the Internet, if next to him is a real beloved woman? What if your man loves virtual sex more than real? What can be a cause for concern, and when cybersex addiction is dangerous for a relationship? The author of the site and sex coach, the founder of the international network "Training Center SEKS.RF" Ekaterina Lyubimova are looking for answers to these questions.

All the boys do it

All men are interested in pornographic films and photos in one way or another. Some quit watching "strawberry", having made a constant girlfriend, and some can no longer stop. Someone hides it from their half, but someone does not consider it necessary. Is this related to problems in the marital bed, or can it be considered harmless entertainment?

“In moderate doses, this kind of pastime is normal. Both men and women masturbate, even having a couple,- Ekaterina Lyubimova explains. - This process can hardly be called a substitute for sex - it is more of communication with your own body and a way to relax, especially in moments when you simply do not coincide in desires. However, if someone in a couple spends a lot of time on porn sites (and daily), this is already an addiction. The reason for it is that the Internet is becoming a way to get something that one of the partners did not find in a relationship (liberation, sincerity). Therefore, first of all, look for the root of this problem in your relationship with your partner. ".

We can distinguish several types of virtual sex: viewing erotic resources, video communication and conversations in various chats and instant messengers with real people. There are also common explanations for the reasons that induce men to turn to such "intimacy":

• Diversity. With one woman, even your beloved, you will not always "relax" and allow yourself any "indecent". There are other laws on the Internet that allow you not to play romance with an unlimited number of partners, to be simpler and not expect condemnation. Virtual sex helps to realize an interest in having sex with others without fatal consequences.
• Fantasy. Virtual sex in its various forms can throw up a lot of ideas for implementation in real life.
• Boredom. An easy way to unwind or relieve tension without thinking too much about your partner's needs. You can also do this in the office. According to German sexologist Christoph Ahlers, almost 2/3 of porn site visitors view them while at work.
• Libido. Sometimes virtual sex excites men faster and easier than real women.

1. Desire to constantly increase the dose. The time that a man spends in front of the monitor with such goals is constantly growing.

2. Striving to find "even hotter". If engaging in virtual sex began with watching almost innocent videos, and now he needs to watch something much tougher to get aroused, it's time to think. Anonymity during viewing removes the level of personal responsibility and participation in what is happening. In other words, the "addict" can miss the moment when the search begins.

Sex without boundaries

It would seem that an addiction to virtual sex is dangerous only with high electricity bills: you cannot catch contagious diseases with such sex, a virtual girlfriend cannot get pregnant. However, in fact, there are disadvantages to this.

Passionate about fantasies. Sex on the screen and in general on the Web most often has little to do with the real, and if a man spends a lot of time there, he forgets about this difference.

Treason. When discussing who removed what and from whom, it is easy to get carried away by accident and accidentally call another woman to marry. The one that shares his passion for at least virtual sex.

“A large amount of virtual sex is dangerous because in the end it can become a“ substitute ”for your relationship with him, and a man will seek not virtual, but real sensations with a more suitable, in his opinion, woman,- says Ekaterina Lyubimova. - The case of female addiction to online sex is even more dangerous, because ladies fall in love much more easily, often overlooking the fact that their virtual sex partner is simply using them. Also, a lot depends on the purpose and nature of communication in porn chat. If this is just masturbation, then it hardly differs from masturbation to interactive porn in real time. If these are sincere conversations, then it seems that it is not far to treason. ", - explains Ekaterina Lyubimova.

It is in the desire to "talk" that lies the danger for the current relationship, since in many cases betrayal has nothing to do with physiology. If a man's addiction is purely "technical" and is aimed at finding relaxation, this is not a reason to look for reasons either in your relationship or in your bed. If you are haunted by jealousy of on-screen temptresses, then you need to look for the root of evil not in relationships, but in your internal problems. Maybe it's your self-esteem or your ability to trust.

Three degrees of severity or advice to victims

First degree. Pictures are not a hindrance to marriage. Until virtual sex has stepped off the screen into life, there is nothing wrong with it. Mentally, he had already had sex with all the women he was interested in in all the poses he was interested in, and he was too lazy to go hunting for real women, whom he also needed to persuade. A man who sometimes watches a sex video, as a rule, does not go "to the left" - there is no longer any need.

Second degree. Whoever owns the information owns the world. For starters, your man's sweet "penchant" can be used to promote the development of the relationship. It is helpful to find out what your partner likes about virtual sex. Thus, you can understand what exactly he is missing. As compensation, you can offer to film your intimacy on video or chat about such topics online. However, do not get too carried away with the realization of his fantasies. Even from your favorite sweets, diathesis can occur.

Third degree. Contact a specialist. This advice should be used if a man spends 15 to 20 hours a week in front of the monitor. Most likely, in this case, real sex becomes for him an unbearable marital duty, and there is no need to talk about a full-fledged relationship.

Help, please! My husband, like many, has now fallen into a Wirth addiction. in the end, I decided to open his page and it turned out that he was engaged in virtual sex with her in shock, I made a scandal for him, it seemed that everything had calmed down for a while, but it was not there he opened a new page and started texting with her, here he has already started write that he loves her that he only needs her, when I started talking about divorce, he said that he didn’t want to get divorced, that I was jealous of the computer, but when this girl decided to end contact with him, he accused me of being to blame for me, I wrote to her a couple messages I do not know what to do, he claims that he loves me, but I do not believe in it recently said that in this way he wanted to stir me up.
help me figure it out

Hello Olga! Yes, indeed, sometimes the motives of the actions performed are commonplace, but the chosen methods are very ambiguous. Nowadays, relationships through a computer and the Internet are very common - what does this give men? - The ability to create an ideal image of his Self (such as he dreamed of being) and imagine himself in this image; perhaps in this way they satisfy their deepest problems - internal indecision, low self-esteem, self-doubt; perhaps the feeding of his male Ego, that he is able to please - all this refers precisely to the deep unmet needs of men, which in real life they, for whatever reason, cannot satisfy; and they choose exactly a virulent relationship - since it is at a distance, it is NOT real, they do not bear responsibility ... but it happens that this can really be behind this - the need to attract attention from your partner - to make him jealous and thereby warm up interest in him, i.e. indirectly show the partner what he expects from him and get what he wants - but this is often NOT a solution to the problem, because it is difficult for the partner (you) to understand what it was behind everything that was happening - after all, it was hidden, it was happening behind your back and nothing but distrust and this will NOT cause resentment - but here it is important for both you and your husband to understand what exactly was under his object - you (i.e. he didn’t have enough from you, but he didn’t know how to constructively convey this to you, therefore resorted to this method); or he himself - i.e. how satisfying his personal needs! those. it is from the object of the zivist and the possibility of accepting what is happening - and in such situations it is necessary to constructively establish relations and the style of interaction in the family between partners, so as NOT to bring them to such ways, but to solve problems constructively for both parties and together - to learn to voice feelings and emotions, so that the partner I could see and hear them !!! Olga, if you dare to understand the situation - you can feel free to contact me - call me - I will only be glad to help you!

Hello Olga.

I notice the following facts: he communicated with the girl via the Internet (for me this is about the fact that he may have lacked something in your relationship), now he does not communicate. He says that he loves you, but at the same time accuses that communication has stopped due to your fault. Yes, it began, it seems, from his position, through your fault - to INCREASE you. For me, this is about the fact that for some reason he is not ready to take responsibility for his contribution to your relationship and discord in them.

Your position: virtual sex (betrayal?) - it looks like his emotional attachment to another hurts you more. However, there is no trust. You opened the page (apparently the second one too?), Wrote messages to the girl (why?). If he doesn't love you and is capable of this, then you need to get a divorce (or what?). For me, this is about your pain and resentment for this situation and more general mistrust between you.

If it is important for both of you to keep your family together, it makes sense to investigate your relationship and the responsibility of each of you for what is happening in them. This can be done in a pair consultation. If this suits you, I will be happy to help.

You can also individually figure out what is happening to you and what ways of exit are possible besides divorce, and if there is a divorce, get support and denouncement during this difficult period.

You can also write to me by mail: [email protected]

Sincerely,

Olga, listen to what the husband says - "stir up" and compare with what he is looking for in virtual communication - sex. What to spy on. violate personal boundaries and throw tantrums - to investigate why a person leaves a real relationship, what he lacks in your relationship with him. And if you correspond with his friends ladies, discuss with him his "trips to the left" (while virtual), then somehow you start to think that you are not very confident in yourself and do not respect yourself, sinking to the level of discussing the intimate side " virtual life "of a husband with another woman.

And now you are trying to understand - is it cheating or not ... Making love in real life becomes more and more difficult. For what reasons, married men begin to engage in virtual sex, I prefer it to sex with my wife and even relationships on the side?

Availability

Unlike real relationships, the Internet does not require long courtship and gentle foreplay. In addition, the virtual partner is always ready to have sex as soon as the man wants it and she never has a headache (after all, she comes there for the same purpose). If in your relationship a man must put a lot of effort into attracting you to sex, then perhaps he is just tired and runs off to the Internet for this very reason.

Try to change tactics and be the first to take the initiative - such changes can pleasantly surprise your loved one and bring your relationship to a new level.

the freedom of action

In virtual sex, a man can realize absolutely any of his fantasies, even the most perverted ones. He can do things that no woman would allow him in real life.

You might want to add some variety to your bedroom. But be careful: often women, fulfilling the wishes of men, forget about their own; at the same time, a man, getting used to experiments, constantly demands more! Diversity in a spouse's sex life is very important, but it should be enjoyable for both.

Self-doubt

If a man has problems with erection or premature ejaculation (or he simply does not feel like a good lover), then this may become the reason for his fascination with virtual relationships. Indeed, in them he can feel like a real hero.

If your partner suffers from any male sexual disorder, then this can and should be corrected (I have already written about how to do this in my previous articles). But if in fact everything is in order for him, then do not forget to praise him, and then he will feel like a full-fledged man right next to you, and not in the virtual world.

By the way, this applies not only to sex, but also to your life in general - for men, the assessment and recognition of a beloved woman is very important. This inspires and provokes new deeds and achievements. No wonder they say that behind every successful man there is a wise woman.

If you suspect your man in a virtual relationship, remember: he escapes in them because of dissatisfaction with your real relationship. Therefore, before blaming him, try to find the true cause of the problem and work on your relationship, including on the relationship in bed.

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