"Daddy's" daughters: the role of the father in the life of the daughter. Father's hug, or the role of the father in the child's life. How to treat fathers who are not happy with the gender of the child

Psychologies:

In the minds of many people, the correct upbringing of a son is aloof, restrained, devoid of bodily contact. You are claiming that this is wrong. Why?

Albina Loktionova:

How can a child feel that his dad loves him if he is reserved and detached? Children perceive what "lies on the surface", therefore, even if you feel great tenderness for your baby, but do not show it in any way (or show little), your behavior will be considered by them as indifference. In practice, we are constantly faced with the fact that men, with rare exceptions, hardly distinguish between the touch of caring and tenderness from the sexually colored. Precisely because in childhood they did not have the opportunity to make this differentiation. From life experience, they are only familiar with touch with a sexual intent, and therefore they unconsciously avoid bodily contact with their sons. Many men are afraid that this may open the way for the child "in the wrong direction." Although in fact, tenderness, protection and care from the father are the prevention of any psychological deviations.

Why is it not enough for a child to have a loving relationship with his mother?

A.L .:

Paternal touch differs from mother's touch (where the central sensation is coziness and comfort) in that it gives the child a sense of absolute security. Without having experienced an experience in which the father restrains and regulates his strength, it is difficult for a boy to learn how to control his own masculinity, it is impossible to experience it as an unconditionally positive and very attractive quality. If in childhood, being helpless and defenseless, the son sees manifestations of tenderness, care and protection from the Pope, then, growing up, he will become a person capable of being strong and feeling at the same time. Otherwise, there are two ways of development: "insensitive strongman" or "fearful sissy".

Is only a father able to give his son the opportunity to see the difference between parental affection and erotic touching?

A.L .:

Of course, yes. Imagine that a boy experienced a lack of closeness in his relationship with his own father as a child. This leads to longing, a latent desire to get over it in adulthood. The smaller the child, the more information he perceives through the body. And it is extremely important that a sense of parental care, expressed in tenderness, protection, and satisfaction of children's needs, is rooted in his bodily self. This gives the boy a completely different experience of male touching - fatherly and friendly, which he can use later in his life, in communication with friends and even his own children. I have seen teenagers become hopelessly entangled in their own desires, reacting with sexual arousal where there is even the slightest sign of human intimacy. Any touch of a man - say. a coach, or a friend - becomes very desirable, but reflexively has a sexual connotation for him. And then the young man, for example, begins to think that he is a homosexual, and tries to “try on” homosexual identification on himself.

That is, the excessive detachment of the father can indirectly affect the development of homosexual inclinations in the boy?

A.L .:

Yes, it is possible, and in my practice I have come across such clients. While working with them, I often saw a deep longing for paternal love, an acceptance that they, without realizing it, carry through their whole lives. And they were definitely not men with innate homosexuality. I remember well the case of a young man who was ignored by my father as a child. As an adult, he fell in love with a man much older than himself, and parental motives were clearly present in their relationship. His partner composed fairy tales for him, wrote letters addressed as if to a little boy. He gave so much fatherly love to this young man's “inner child” that it became the foundation of their sexual connection as well. As an analyst, I internally wondered: how much does this young man need this part of their relationship? Of course, these are not always related things, and there can be many reasons for the development of homosexuality, including biological ones. However, today we know one thing for sure: if a little boy receives a sufficient number of unambiguous touches from his father, then he is filled with confidence in himself as a man. He is good at differentiating a friendly touch from the same touch with sexual intent, because his father's love is "written" in his body.

Albina Loktionova- child / adolescent psychotherapist and parental counselor (OeKids, Vienna), existential analyst (GLE), training psychotherapist in international projects on child and family psychotherapy, author of scientific papers and publications, director of the Genesis Institute for Integrative Child Psychotherapy and Practical Psychology.

Love is a mutual feeling.
The father of his children teaches something,
the children are teaching their father something.
They educate each other.

Parenting brings an irreplaceable contribution to the formation of the child's personality, in order to create good discipline in the family and achieve mutual understanding with the growing child, the parent needs to correctly position himself in front of him. Dad is an example of a real man for his son, who is looking for the necessary experience in him to communicate with people in life. A large number of psychological experiments indicate that with proper upbringing, a daughter often looks for a companion in life with a character that best matches her father's type. At the same time, the boy adopts certain forms of behavior from his dad for work, family creation and simple communication with peers.

Famous psychologist Sigmund Freud noted the strongest the need of children for protection from the male half families, arguing that from a very early age, an infant should understand that dad always comes to the rescue in the event of a dangerous situation.

The role of the father in the family has its own characteristics and characteristics, knowing which you can have a beneficial effect on the growing child.

Undoubtedly, the role of the father in raising his son leaves a huge imprint on the future model of behavior.

Bringing up boy, father must understand that child will not a man just because he was born that way, first of all, he needs to set a good example. Dad can (should) become a real example for his son, if it treats him patiently and with respect avoiding unnecessary rudeness and violence... Otherwise, the boy may become insecure and feel uncomfortable around other guys, and in such situations, children often lean closer to mom adopting from her manners and interests.
Father must always support his son Not only moralizing in this case it is very important faith into a child and development in it self-respect and self-sufficiency... In the growing son one must always see potential and capabilities to help him discover his talents. In parallel with this quality, it is necessary to stimulate the development independence and own opinion at boy so that in the future he can be boldly responsible for his actions.
Special attention in parenting son should be given respect to girl, woman, mother, explaining the rules of behavior and relationships with the opposite sex. However, simple words cannot be dispensed with, everything is necessary show by example in everyday communication, as in family circle, and beyond.

Trust in the world

Dad - this is a person who plays a special, very important role in the development of a baby. If Mother associates with the baby internal the world (she is always there, feeds, dresses, changes diapers, literally predicts desires), then dad - with external... He comes only in the evening, communication with him is limited, and he does not always understand what he wants baby... He, like the wind, brings with him a new information: smells, sensations. And exactly dad forms attitude baby to the outside world. If he attentive and kind, then baby understands that the world is safe, he can be trusted. If dad unhappy and rude then the outside world seems to re-benk hostile and dangerous.

Carrot or stick? Try mind education.
Only authority and kindness can act, force cannot.
Vin the beginning you need to look for where to encourage, and for what to punish there is always.
We must speak as equals, make them feel responsible for themselves.

Daddy attachment must be earned, and it can be lost. The main message: "I love you because you meet my expectations, fulfill your duties." On the one hand, the need to seek recognition is a very good incentive for development. But the feeling is that love can be lost - an ordeal for toddler... It is very important that these experiences do not develop into permanent fear. Love father must be patient and condescending, but not threatening and authoritarian. Necessary respect, demand, but not suppress and not humiliate... This is the only way to give a small personality a feeling own strength.
What is the bottom line?A loving dad should allow the child to get rid of his father's authority and become ... an authority for himself.

… With dad, you can experience incredible feelings. He can throw the crumbs right up to the ceiling, carry it on his shoulders ... All this is so interesting to the first discoverer! When the baby gets older, dad will teach you how to do exercises, temper, perhaps instill a taste for fun, sports, for an active lifestyle ... ..

It's not a secret for anyone that the upbringing of both parents is important for any child. However, recently scientists proved that children, in whose development an active role is played father grow more smart and successful... During 50 years scientists from Center for Behavior and Evolution at the University of Newcastle followed life 17 thousand babies born in the same week, analyzing the impact of active parenting... When the participants research have reached adulthood, scientists spent a detailed interview in which they were defined social mobility, success, having your own family and how good parents they are compared to their own.

Only in 2004 were interviewed 5600 people who have reached the age 46 years old... The results of the survey confirmed the data obtained throughout the study. As it turned out, children whose fathers played an active role in their upbringing, taking private walks with them and reading books together, grew up more successful than those whose upbringing was placed on the shoulders of their mothers.
“What surprised me in the results obtained is the very specific figures that speak about the success of children who received enough attention from their father in childhood., - noted doctor Daniel Nettle, head of the research group. —Interestingly, even 30 years later, these people are distinguished by the fact that they are much better suited in life and easier to make a career, moving up the social ladder. This suggests that the child benefits from the involvement of the other parent in his life, and this affects his skills and abilities, which remain with him forever. "

Not a stupid father can pass on to the child useful knowledge and wisdom, which are undoubtedly more valuable than money and any capital, knowledge is something that a son cannot squander, waste, this is something that will forever remain with his beloved child and will help him all his life!

It is surprising that despite the fact that usually fathers more likely to babysit sons than with daughters, their upbringing turned out to be fruitful for children both floors.

Building self-esteem

Insofar as Mother is always around, her criticism or praise is not always meaningful for toddler... As they grow up, the child learns to manipulate ma-my, with dad this trick does not always work. Dad less often it is present nearby, and its assessment for the crumbs is more significant. Dad praises or scolds, approves or is indignant. Based on his reactions, self-esteem at baby.

Defining boundaries

To the opinion dads listens Mother, and baby, even without understanding the words, catches intonation. He feels that the rules of the game are set exactly this human. It defines the scope of what is permitted, shows what behavior is allowed and what is strictly prohibited. It is very important that opinions dads and mothers coincided. Have baby now the so-called map of the world is being formed, and if one parent permits something and the other prohibits something, the baby will become confused and developmental difficulties may begin. That is why parents need to remember that when they are little, they cannot sort things out, adhere to different tactics of behavior. Agree on everything behind closed doors, the baby should have one indisputable authority. And it’s very good if it’s a father.

... It is important that some kind of daily tradition is fixed for the dad, whether it is bathing or putting the baby to bed. Repeating an action on a regular basis makes the child feel confident. One thing is a mother who is nearby. The other is dad, he is not at home all day, and this is already alarming. But, nevertheless, he always returns, he is reliable, one might say, dad is the guarantor of stability, he consolidates the crumbs' confidence in the world around him. In addition, traditions establish an inextricable link between the baby and the father, when the action turns into a ritual ...

Understanding who is who

Mama and dad- two halves of one whole... They perceive many things differently, react to events. For the formation of a full-fledged personality, it is necessary and mother's, and pa-pin an experience. That's why dad it is necessary to actively engage in the life of a little person. At a certain stage (closer to 3 years old) children begin to fight for daddy's Attention.

Boys start to compete with dad ... They simultaneously copy male features and are fighting for mom's attention. Subconsciously feel in dad rival, therefore, enter into a fight with him, showing that they brave, brave, strong... Have boys at this age is formed masculine self-consciousness, treating oneself as a man, a protector.

... At the age of 6-8 months, the baby begins to experience various fears - darkness, loneliness, etc. Parents help to cope with them. But they do it in different ways. So, a mother does not immediately enter a dark room as a baby. First they open the door, then look inside, then together they take the first step ... Dad, however, takes the baby in his arms and boldly enters the dark room, encouraging the baby. Dad teaches 6 to be brave, with him the child is ready to face danger. It's not scary with dad. Perhaps the mother even thinks that he solves issues too radically, this experience is also useful for the baby ...

Mastering the world

Daily grooves with mom, of course, they bring a lot of impressions. But the hike with dad can turn into a whole adventure. Dads bolder, more decisive and with them you can master those places where with mom little boy didn’t come in. Trips, long-distance travel - it is all organized by dad ... It's incredibly fun to walk with him - after all dad most likely he will not scold for soiled things, on the contrary, he himself will gladly take part in "dirty deeds": the construction of a tower from sand or a snow slide.

Men's priorities

Even a fidget becomes a goody when he watches how dad something glues, tinkers, nails. This is a completely different area of ​​life Mother does not know how to do this. It broadens the horizons child, develops curiosity (after all, you really want to consider everything that lies in the treasure chest - daddy's a suitcase with tools). Dads able to find a way out of the most confusing and difficult situation. The kid does not want to fall asleep under mother's lullaby? Dad suddenly begins to beat the drum and suddenly, lo and behold, the crumb calms down. Dad's sense of humor and resourcefulness help to solve many problems. Dads everyone does not like mom. Baby sees this diversity, which is very useful for his development and maturation.

Think, father, what YOU can give the baby!
Chat every day! Even if the time is only a quarter of an hour. Just include the date with your child in your schedule. Then it will become a necessity, and at first you can use the diary.

• Collect information about the children. Be sure that even your know-it-all wife always has something to learn. For example, from the books of the famous pediatrician Yevgeny Komarovsky, you learn about reasonable hardening. Start to act. After all, many mothers cannot do this task. They are closer to the idea of ​​wrapping up and warming up.


• Allow yourself active games with a baby. Dynamic gymnastics, scuba diving in the tub, various developmental exercises - you have a lot of possibilities.


• Become a bearer of calmness. And also the experience of stability in your family. It is very difficult for a young mother: hormonal changes, fatigue, increased anxiety and fear for the baby. Everything is piling up at once.


• Your job is to balance and calm. The strength and confidence emanating from you will surely be transferred not only to the wife, but also to the child, And then harmony and order will reign in your house. Most likely for a long time. If you fix everything from the very beginning, then later it will become easier for you to solve new problems that your grown daughter or son will throw up.

Road to the world
REMEMBER! and it is your father who will need to introduce the baby into the adult world, make him a member of the male community, contribute to his socialization in accordance with the norms and requirements of society for the stronger sex.

Even conditioned paternal love, which largely depends on the success of the child, prepares him for adaptation in a society where much depends on how others and yourself evaluate you. This is a kind of inoculation for the baby, which is accustomed to the greenhouse conditions of mother's adoration. However, please don't overdo it. The kid must understand that he has the right to make mistakes, and be sure that because of them he does not lose his paternal affection.

• Teach your son a constructive approach to the problem, not give up and correct his mistakes. And do not forget to do this yourself, especially if you offended the baby or committed injustice towards him. Father and son have a special relationship. They are one team.


• Both easily find a common language and sometimes understand each other perfectly.


• Dad, for example, does not need to explain that a stick picked up on the street miraculously “shoots” at the enemy, and you don’t need to show where the enemy is ... It is important not to lose mutual understanding. Never dismiss a child. If you have absolutely no strength to communicate with him, just say: “I'm tired. I’ll have a rest - we will certainly talk (play, run) ”. And keep your word! A boy's need for a father increases at the age of five or six. Then mommy fades into the background. There is a very important stage in the separation of the son from the mother. This is the time of the boy's sexual self-identification, active self-affirmation as a representative of the male half of humanity. It is extremely important for him to feel his involvement in his father's world. He is not just imitating, he is already scanning and analyzing his father's actions.


• Support him in every way in these endeavors. And now especially.


• Connect it to your activities: whether you are fixing a car, whether you are doing repairs at the dacha - do not be lazy to tell and show everything.


• Play boy games. These are active, endurance and strength training activities. Sometimes just noisy bustle and bustle. And sometimes hide and seek, hide and seek, catch-up, boxing and even sumo wrestling, there are very interesting computer free games for boys where you can play together. First, it gives the little man the opportunity to assert himself. Secondly, it teaches you to a special style of male communication, somewhat rude, but sincere. Thirdly, it helps the boy get rid of tension and aggression.


• Arrange competitions: further, higher, stronger. This, five, is a good training of masculine qualities, an opportunity to test oneself, to realize that in order to achieve victory, it is necessary to exert a lot of effort. So don't give up. Create conditions for a real struggle, of course, taking into account the age characteristics of the baby. If you win, be sure to explain that you worked hard in order to achieve such a result. And point out the personal achievements of your son in specific activities: “You didn’t know how to ride a bicycle before. And now you're doing great! A little more - and you'll just fly! " Suggest what more work needs to be done. Undoubtedly, you will have to give in. But not deliberately, not explicitly. For the sake of completeness, victory must occur after a stubborn struggle. And the realization that “I defeated my dad himself” will help the boy to respect himself even more and contribute to the formation of adequate self-esteem.


• Let your son show emotions. Who Said Boys Don't Cry? They cry, rejoice, get annoyed and nervous, but little by little they learn to control their feelings, more often from their own father. Always make it clear that you care about his feelings: "You are angry because you could not score a goal in today's game!" And when the child has calmed down, discuss what you can do to achieve a better result next time.


• Teach independence. Give adult assignments regularly. For example, paint a bench in the garage (take very old clothes from your mother!) Or put screws and nuts in boxes and don't stand over his soul! Let the little one do the work himself. Your trust will strengthen his confidence in himself ... unless, of course, you will not clutch at your heart when you see that the car door, part of the floor and a brand new canister have been painted along with the bench.A sense of humor is a wonderful trait of a good, understanding dad!

Fathers are different and they do not always have ideal traits. Often their mistakes in upbringing can ruin the lives of children. There are seven main types of imperfect fathers. Psychologists have formed them on the basis of the most common mistakes in education, as well as their causes and effects. From each type, the main positive traits can be distinguished, on the basis of which to form your own ideal of a real father. Knowing the characteristics of each type will help to avoid mistakes and become such a dad that the child will be proud of.

Who are tyrant popes?

Such dads communicate with the child strictly and as an equal, they perceive children as small adults, so they cannot find a common language with them. They sincerely wonder how a mere trifle can bring a child to tears ( for example, a burst balloon) or, conversely, become the cause of his stormy enthusiasm ( for example, a hollow found in a tree), and therefore they are able to share the sadness and joy of their child. The inner world of a son or daughter is of no interest to such a parent. Such fathers are proud, have a strong character, and act according to the principle "I am always right" without admitting any contradictions. Upbringing in the "performance" of an authoritarian father comes down to vigilant control of the child's behavior, lectures, admonitions and strict requirements: "Do not go!", "Do not touch!", "Put in place!" etc. The result is a crippled child's psyche, ruined childhood and future. Some "tyrant" fathers not only morally oppress their children, keep them in constant fear and tension, but also raise their authority in the form of physical violence. The children of such fathers feel lonely and suffer.

Tyrants at every step criticize, find fault, shout at children and consider this behavior to be the correct educational measure. The psyche of a child in such an environment can break down. He, taking to heart the resentment and sting of his father, becomes insecure and can establish the same order in his family in the future. Such fathers give their children neither love, nor tranquility, nor understanding, nor poise.

Indifferent fathers - callous and detached, not showing tenderness and affection

Indifferent fathers are extremely contemptuous of "calf tenderness", therefore they never hug, kiss, caress neither their children nor their wife in their presence. The tactile "callousness" of the father is especially detrimental to girls. So, the need for bodily contact with the father, unsatisfied in childhood, leads to the fact that an adult daughter has difficulties in manifesting sexuality and often ends up in bed with barely familiar men. Such dads do not demonstrate emotional attachment to children, but only show irritation and neglect. Their love is abstract and expressed in material terms. They have no connection with the child, are not interested in his life. They are always busy and do not participate in the upbringing. All attempts to establish any contacts with them are suppressed.

A child with an emotionally detached father adapts less well to life and is prone to the development of addictions. The daughters of such fathers find it difficult to establish relationships with partners. They often find the same callous men. Sons become bad fathers. They simply do not know how a father should behave and what responsibilities to fulfill. Children find it difficult to build relationships with friends and colleagues. The result in a family with an indifferent father and an emotionally active mother can be a child, whom everyone calls "mother's joy" and who constantly pulls money from the father.

Daddy "henpecked" - soft and weak, not capable of responsible decisions and actions

Despite their kindness and complaisance, they do not enjoy authority with their children. A son or daughter is deprived of psychological care and a sense of support. They see the shyness of the father and his inability to solve life's problems.

With such dads, children often become leaders for themselves. In adolescence, they can become "unmanageable", demonstrating their independence in every way, falling under the influence of bad companies. At an older age, a daughter raised by such a dad often chooses the same mild loser in life as her companions, and a son can also grow up to be a henpecked one.

A dad suffering from various addictions (alcohol, drugs, gambling) is a family misfortune

A family in which the father suffers from alcoholism, drug addiction or gambling addiction is a dysfunctional and morally disadvantaged family. There are constant conflicts, scandals, experiences. Children grow up in an atmosphere of fear and anxiety, shame and despair.

The main factors that influence the formation of children in a family with an alcoholic or drug addict father are:

• Family secret - the father's addiction is kept secret and not discussed. Children get used to lies and evasions, they are ashamed of their dad;
• Fear, anxiety and unpredictability - lack of consistency in the father's behavior, quarrels and conflicts;
• Lack of tenderness and warmth in relationships - children become secretive and acutely feel their insecurity;
• Lack of attention - the dad is absorbed in his problems, the mother is busy thinking about how to cure her husband from addiction, and the children are left to themselves. Often they begin to think that they themselves are the cause of troubles in the family. This contributes to the formation of low self-esteem and chronic dissatisfaction with life.

Adult daughters of dependent parents choose in their lives the same partners suffering from addictions. Research shows that children of alcoholics have a high risk of alcoholism... So, according to statistics, about 80% of sons with alcohol-dependent parents, and up to 25% of daughters suffer from alcoholism in the future.

Note to moms!

Hello girls) I didn't think that the problem of stretch marks would touch me, but I will also write about it))) But there is nowhere to go, so I am writing here: How did I get rid of stretch marks after childbirth? I will be very glad if my method will help you too ...

While the child is small, he adores his dad, who is addicted to gambling, loves to play with him and fool around. At thirty, he has more passion than a little son. Teenage children at some point cease to respect the dependent father. He is not an authority for them.

What happens if dad is a workaholic?

Workaholics are financially wealthy heads of household who are preoccupied with their jobs, businesses, or careers. They are rarely at home and only pay attention to the financial well-being of the family. In a family with a workaholic, there is complete abundance. He even works at home, not paying attention to children and emotionally not participating in their lives.

A typical evening with a working dad can be described as follows. He returns home late and immediately sits down at the computer to work. The son, looking into the room, holds out a drawing and says: "I drew an elephant." Dad glances down at the paper and turns back to the computer. The son leaves and he no longer has a desire to enter. He understands that he and his achievements are not important matters. He comes to the conclusion that dad's love can be earned by something significant and grandiose: running away from home, jumping from a parachute or the ability to make a lot of money. Such a son will constantly remember his insignificance, even if he manages to achieve a lot in life. Nothing can ever replace his attention and fatherly love.

In the period of growing up, such children have behavioral problems - this is aggression, inability to control their feelings and emotions, disobedience.

Do I need a coming (Sunday) dad?

According to statistics, about 40% of divorced fathers communicate with their children, and one fourth of them see them regularly once a week. Such fathers are called Sunday Popes. What can Sunday dad give and is he needed? This is a difficult question, and there are many points of view.

The family may fall apart, but the mother and father remain parents and the dad has every right to take part in the fate of his child. Psychologists advise to dissolve marriages in a civilized manner. Many couples, after parting and creating new families, become friends for the sake of children and raise them together.

If the father is indifferent to the fate of the child, then such Sunday dads are definitely not needed. Better to let him go. After all, a father is not just a biological relationship, it is constant care, attention and love.

Many Sunday dads treat their children like a toy with which to take pictures, take a walk, show off. Meetings are not regular, dad may disappear for a long time. Communication with such fathers will not benefit the child and will not make him happy.

Psychologists believe that raising a son without a father incorrectly forms the standards of male behavior. A girl who grows up without a father may also have problems in her future family life.

How to treat fathers who are not satisfied with the gender of the child?

Not every father is happy with the sex of the unborn child. Such fathers cause significant trauma to the psyche and normal development of the baby. A father who is awaiting the birth of a boy, when his daughter appears, feels that he has been deceived and may begin to raise her like a son. This negatively affects the girl's further family life.

Psychologists advise to see in a child an extension of himself, not a gender. The child gives joy and disappointment, makes you smile and cry, causes a sense of pride and sadness. Every day he gives great love. And the gender is not important at all.

One of the main tasks father- to strengthen relationships in the family, I learned about this quite recently. Surprisingly, no matter what I read about it in one clever book, my husband, completely unaware of my discoveries in this area, unexpectedly for me began to actively engage in strengthening relationships in our family on his own. He had done this before, but now he began to somehow clearly do it, or I just opened my eyes to the great importance of my father in the life of the family. The coincidence that happened so struck me that I wanted to tell you about the importance of this sacred male responsibility - the development of a sense of nepotism in children.

Does a child need a father?

So, dear fathers, be loyal to your family, talk about it not only in words, but also in deeds: strive to be a real leader, not a stranger in the house.

In addition, the fact that each member of your family is aware of their connection with other family members will help you, so try to maintain this sense of familyhood in your children. It will do them a lot! After all if father really cares about his family, then the children begin to follow certain requirements established in their home. And if dad does not say anything special about the family, then they have a feeling that their father does not love them at all, probably something really important and interesting worries him. Any child dreams of hearing from his father: “What a good family we have! How good I feel at home with you. " Hearing this, they understand: “ Dad is in charge of the house! Dad is at the helm! "

A father you can trust!

Touching upon the topic of children's trust in the father, it is very important to pay attention to the fact that it is impossible to build trusting relationships with the child, if you do not take into account the importance of love and respect for his mother. Dislike and contempt for the child's mother is the main mistake and a serious problem for a man in his father's career. If there is no love and respect between the spouses, then no gifts to the child from the father, time spent together, heart-to-heart conversations will not help children feel real trust and respect for their father.

Father-child relationship

Remembering my childhood, my relationship with father, I want to draw the attention of dads to another important aspect - watch your reaction to the child's behavior and in your own words. Often a father can cut deeply into the heart of his children with harsh, harsh words, indifferent or overly angry tones.

A child is a growing flower, which is why it is so difficult to trust a father who cannot control his anger and his reactions to children's words and actions.

And then we - adults are surprised why a child is rude to us, does not respect, is indifferent and finds friends not in the person of relatives and friends, but among strangers, sometimes angry and cruel people.

Father's leadership position in the family

A passionate desire to encourage children and support them in difficult situations will help you to strengthen your fatherly role as a leader. The child usually does not doubt the strength of maternal love, but the father often has to confirm his affection in practice. Here the notes and letters from the father to the children are very helpful. Amazingly, it is my father's letter, carefully kept in a folder next to the most valuable documents, that tells me the most about his love. And although the father, for sure, spent no more than ten minutes on this letter, the consequences were simply amazing. In my heart there is always a firm belief that I am very important to my dad, he thinks about me, dreams with me, prays.

How to communicate with an adult child?

The older the child, the more he needs notes and letters from dad. Take this seriously, because reassuring a child - something we often forget - is a very serious matter. What may seem like a trifle to an adult is sometimes of great importance to a child. Do not skimp on instilling faith in the hearts of children, it is so necessary for them to receive about t father. It will be very pity and shame to miss the opportunity at a difficult moment to console and encourage your son or daughter.

There is nothing difficult in this - hug, caress your child, say kind words. Hugging is also something that we often underestimate, and yet it is a powerful healing remedy for mental wounds and hurt.

Father's hug

In my childhood, my father very rarely hugged us children, and this is such a wonderful manifestation of closeness in family relationships. It is clear that many dads are so busy taking care of the financial well-being of the family, but I ask you, take a moment to firmly hold down your growing son or daughter, protecting from all the cruelties of this world.

Father's hug- this is something completely different, different from the mother's embrace. They evoke not only a sense of security, but also the satisfaction of your children's deepest emotional needs. This is especially necessary to understand the fathers of eleven-twelve-year-old girls who unconsciously move away from their daughters. Understand that the lack of paternal tenderness and affection is very terrible for them and traumatizes the very fragile soul of the future woman.

Father who did not satisfy his mental hunger his child, not hugging him, pushes his son or daughter to be open to the tenderness of a stranger who will not stint on her.

And the last thing that any child expects from his dad is knowledge of the true meaning of life and the desire to pass on eternal truths to children. The correct guidelines are what we children expect from our father, not in words, but in deeds ...

Antonina Feneva
editor of the site "Candle"
Kislovodsk (Russia)