Causes of emotional rejection of the child and abandonment of the child. Correction of parental relationships: work with the rejection of the child

When it comes to adopting a child, many people immediately think of accepting someone else's child into their family. Of course, this aspect is also worthy of a separate discussion, but now we are not talking about that. Not all parents understand the importance of emotional acceptance of their own child and do not realize that this concept implies not only absolute responsibility for their baby, but also unconditional love - despite the complexities of his character, not always correct behavior, frequent failures, etc.

Acceptance of the child's feelings consists in a calm reaction to any of the child's emotions: joy, anger, fear, sadness, love - this is exactly what the list of basic human feelings looks like. Everything else: pain, resentment, envy, melancholy, fun, horror are just variants of the intensity of the listed emotions or their mixture. Any of the listed emotions, main or surrogate, has the right to exist, it must be taken calmly, without condemnation or special approval (positive reinforcement), as a natural part of human life, which is impossible without feelings and emotions.

Psychological acceptance of your child for who he is

Joy arises when you bring something nice into your personal space (a new thing that you have long wanted to have, a new skill to be proud of, friend, satisfaction of a need).

Fear arises when we feel that our personal space is being invaded or threatened with invasion. Fear is useful for a person in that it warns of danger, which means that it takes care of the safety of mental and physical health - fear can be so strong and the danger is so great that the only way out can only be flight. Another development of events is a fight with an aggressor, in this case, fear is like a compression of an internal spring, which is ready to straighten out in an angry outburst in order to defend, protect itself, and reject the offender. It is impossible to say unequivocally that one of the ways is better. Sometimes it is wiser to run away from a gang of hooligans, and not to show unnecessary heroism. Psychological health is evidenced by the ability to use different behaviors: the ability to escape from a real threat, the ability to recognize the imaginary danger born of fantasy, or to allow fear to be replaced by anger and take the fight.

Adults should help to understand all this little man. It is sad that instead they themselves sometimes appear before the child in an image so frightening that the struggle with them seems senseless to children.

Instead of accepting their child for who he is, parents are trying to narrow his personal space. This is a ban on watching TV, insults, threats, psychological pressure, physical violence or its threat. All these attempts cause fear, followed by anger - a natural defensive reaction. Moreover, a small amount of anger in your relationship with children usually indicates that the child is not oppressed by parents to the point that he cannot dare to confront. The second most important function of anger is the expansion of boundaries, the conquest of new spaces (an attempt to get the forbidden, to surrender in a physical or psychological sense, as well as to declare love, go to college - all this is the expansion of boundaries).

Sadness arises when something leaves us, due to losses and the inability to satisfy our needs (not allowed to watch TV, the loss of a relative or favorite toy, as well as parts of ourselves, such as youth).

As psychologists say, if tears burn in the stomach, they cause an ulcer, and tears on the face are just tears.

Acceptance and rejection of the child by parents

Here are some typical parental phrases that prohibit the expression of emotions, and therefore convey the message of rejection of the child.

• Feeling Denial:“Come on, it's not that bad. You don't hurt at all."
• Distraction:“Look quickly, which dog has come to say hello to you.”
• Ignore: the fallen child is simply ignored.
• Questions:“Well, tell me what you needed there, why did you climb there?”
• Threats:"Stop now, or we'll all go home."
• Comfort:"Don't cry, everything is fine."
• Explanations:"Look, what a ladder, you see how high - of course, you can fall."

It is impossible to forbid a child to sleep or need love, it is impossible to forbid anger, sadness, fear and joy. Permission to the whole gamut of human feelings - this is the acceptance of the child by the parents. And it is a true blessing of the entire emotional life of the child, for it fills him with a sense of strength, relevance, naturalness and justification for his existence.

For example, if a child has fallen, he first of all needs ordinary hugs. Without persuasion and explanation. The child feels bad, hurts, he just needs sympathy and support.

The struggle with emotions leads to the fact that the child, and subsequently the adult, never meets his integrity. Moreover, he lives with shame for himself, so imperfect, with such shameful emotions.

And this is a direct consequence of the wrong reaction of parents to his feelings.

You can express your unconditional acceptance of the child with such phrases.

• "It hurts - it's really so unpleasant."
• "You're scared - really, it can be scary." "You're angry - that makes me angry too."
• "You're sad - it's very sad."

Pay attention: the first part of the statement contains the voicing of feelings, and the second part contains support.

The manifestation of emotions is the most important form of human interaction with the outside world. Expressing emotions is useful and necessary, but with two clarifications:

• they must be expressed in a socially acceptable form;
• sometimes it is useful to delay their expression.

For example, it will not be good for your career to engage in an open confrontation with your boss right at the moment when you are angry with him. This anger can be brought home, beat a pillow or complain to a friend. And if necessary, express your dissatisfaction the next day or next week, clearly articulating your requirements and boundaries, beyond which you do not intend to retreat in any case.

The same is true for a child at school. in certain cases suppress the manifestation of emotions. The teacher scolded - but it was terrible to object, they were vaccinated - but it was a shame to be afraid, he was worried about his friend - but did not know how to show his feelings. A lot of emotions are unconsciously suppressed and accumulated inside, demanding an exit. And since your child may have it any day, your task is to ask him daily about school events and support his feelings during the story.

This does not mean that you have to agree with him on everything. But if he feels bad, you should sympathize with him and help solve the problem so that it becomes good, so that the child feels confident and calm. Sometimes this is enough. But it should be remembered that excessive efforts to correct the situation, advise or help can cause the child to “close”. Try to start by just listening, give the child the opportunity to calmly pour out his emotions, without fear of advice and guidance. The release of emotions will naturally lead to inner peace. And advice - if you really want to advise - try to give in line with a friendly conversation on the transfer of personal experience, and not in the didactic tone of an authoritarian mentor.

Many parents who read the previous paragraph may be perplexed or protest. After all, children have different emotions and actions that are actually very difficult to accept. How not to condemn a boy who hit a girl sitting next to him in the sandbox with a children's shovel? How not to scold a first grader who sobs and stubbornly, not wanting to go to school?

Acceptance of a child by father and mother as a way of communicating love

Emotions, among other useful functions, serve as an indicator of the satisfaction or dissatisfaction of needs. The child does not have a need to be angry or afraid, but anger and fear indicate an unfulfilled need. Often adults try to condemn an ​​emotion or simply get rid of it (and not only in children, but also in themselves), instead of recognizing the need that lies behind it and taking measures to its socially acceptable satisfaction.

Parents should remember: any strange behavior of a child (concealing assessments and remarks, biting nails, using mother's cosmetics without asking, etc.) is caused by dissatisfaction with completely natural needs. And adults make a very dangerous mistake in their consequences if they react to emotions or to the act itself.

The question "What did you want?" both on the playground and at home it sounds extremely rare. Most often, any behavior that is incomprehensible to parents or an emotional outburst of a child ends in punishment.

But the desires of a small person can be quite peaceful and justified! It is quite possible that, having hit the girl with a shovel, the child simply wanted more space to play in the sandbox, or was frightened for his sand creations and wanted to drive away a possible destroyer, or the girl accidentally covered his eyes with sand, or simply did not like it, and he wanted to defend himself. So it is not an emotion or even a need that needs to be corrected and condemned, but a way to satisfy this need, that is, a direct blow with a spatula.

A child is a child because it does not analyze within itself and separate its need from emotion and action. Therefore, he perceives condemnation, imposing it not only on the direct act of aggression, but also on the underlying processes that provoked this aggression. The child learns that it is bad not only to beat with a spatula, but also to be angry and want to defend the boundaries of his space.

The behavior of children does sometimes require condemnation and punishment by an adult. The main thing in this case is to make a division that only an act is bad, and feelings and desires are quite natural, you just need to express them in a socially acceptable way.

Acceptance of a child by father and mother is one of the most important ways to communicate parental love to a child, as well as the most important aspect in the formation of a positive attitude towards oneself. Not all emotions and feelings can be simply accepted, some require a deeper clarification, namely: what need is blocked and thus brings them to life. The main job of parenting is to help the child constructively express their emotions and fulfill their needs.

The amount of useful information about the correct behavior of parents exceeded the allowable norms for maintaining the inner feeling “I am good”, but already among adults themselves. It happens that children cause irritation, disappointment, bewilderment, resentment, sadness and just fatigue. How to follow all the recommendations at the same time - often does not fit in the head, and some simply give up or even become irritated.

Your feelings and needs are as important as children's. But you have lived much longer than your little ones, and your experience of constructive conversion - not suppression! - with feelings and needs incomparably greater than that of your children. A tired, twitchy mother, a nervous, exhausted father can in no way be full-fledged sources of stability and love. Satisfying the basic needs of parents is a matter of paramount importance for the whole family!

First, find opportunities for relaxation and entertainment. Second, communicate your feelings and state of mind to your child in a constructive way, taking responsibility for the emotions and assuming that your unfulfilled desires are behind them.

A fairly typical phrase for home communication during lessons:“You pissed me off, how stupid you are, how much you can explain!” This is the so-called dissociated way of perceiving one's emotions, when a person believes that he personally is the cause of other people's emotions or that another person is responsible for his emotion. Our feelings are a signal of the satisfaction or dissatisfaction of our needs, the responsibility for them cannot be placed on another person.

More gentle phrase:"I'm angry because you don't understand anything." This is a partially associated way, when a person takes responsibility for his emotions, but does not connect them with his desires, but assumes that feelings appear suddenly and disappear in the same way.

Now the most sincere and difficult option:“I make myself angry with the help of you, because a lot of things didn’t work out for me at work, I feel like a failure, and your failures are doubly difficult for me to endure, but in fact I want support and peace.” This way of dealing with your emotions is called associated.

You can experiment and voice your condition in this way. For simple communication, try, in addition to emotions, to inform the child about your true desires: “I'm angry because you don't understand anything. In fact, I just don’t have the strength to explain to you, I’m very tired.” This way you will let your child know how you feel without scolding or scaring him.

We, like our children, cannot be perfect, we make mistakes and correct them. So if you are torn and unable to direct your raging emotions in a constructive direction, use the recommendations on how to accept your child.

Leave to rage in another room.

To make a child feel wrong, you need a very small dose of your emotions and their verbal manifestations. Let the emotions run dry, and do not bring them down on the child's head. Saying "dry out", this is not suppression, but, on the contrary, their active eruption. Beat the pillow, wail, complain and cry - but not in the presence of a child. And be sure to explain to the child that he is not the culprit of your rampage, you just need to throw out what has accumulated, otherwise the baby may feel responsible for your condition and his guilt, and this is dishonest and disastrous for him.

The child just needs to know that the emotions of the parents are the same as his. This knowledge is a “go-ahead”, a permission for a non-ideal inner life, which can splash out in violent manifestations. The negative side of emotional outbursts in parents can be the loss of a child's sense of security and the reduction of space for his personal inner life. After all, if a mother in tears and anger demonstrates complete internal instability, she has to rely only on herself, and the only way to do this is to suppress her own emotions. Such an experience of the inner life is not useful for the child. So if you can't resist, then leave.

Use "i-messages".

“I-messages” are classics of communication psychology that almost everyone is familiar with. The basic principle of accepting a child with the help of “I-messages” is that during emotional battles we build phrases not in the form of an accusation: “You don’t understand me”, “You are insensitive”, “You are lazy”, but in an invitation to your inner world. For example: “It’s so hard for me when they don’t understand me”, “I need your support and attention so much”, “I’m so tired and I need your help.” If an outburst of emotions is inevitable, at least try to do it in "I-messages". The principle of formation of such messages is very simple. To the first place in accusatory phrases like “You are stupid!”, “You don’t understand anything!”, “You are shameless!” it is necessary to put the pronouns "I" or "me". Now we change accusatory words to designate our own feelings: “I am ashamed”, “I am at a loss”, “I am offended and hurt”. It is not so easy if there is no prompter-psychologist nearby. Parents can become aware of their feelings by asking the question: “And how do you like the fact that your child is stupid, shameless, irresponsible?” This question becomes the key to understanding one's own emotions and helps to formulate the phrase in the "I-message".

Important tips from psychologists for accepting your child:

• While emotions are raging in you, postpone joint activities with your child. Come back to them later when you've calmed down and are ready to have constructive conversations.
• Learn to admit your guilt. If you were unrestrained, if you screamed and threw accusations at the child, talk to him later, calmed down. Explain that it’s not about him at all, but about your fatigue or hunger, or simply about the desire to be not here now and do something else.
• Once you've calmed down, try expressing your feelings and needs again, but this time in a constructive way. Remember that by trying to constructively explain your inner life, you are teaching the child to understand and explain himself and be aware of his needs.

The main job of a parent is to help the child realize his needs and express emotions in a constructive way. One way to do this, as we have already discussed, is by example: demonstrating to your child that you accept your feelings and your desires. But this is not enough. You will also have to take some action and learn how to properly respond to the feelings and actions of the child, which, in fact, are the characteristics of acceptance. Here are some recommendations from psychologists in this regard:

• First step of acceptance: calm, resolving reaction to emotion: “You are angry”, “You are sad”, “You are scared”. But do not overdo it in supporting feelings, otherwise the child will simply get stuck on them if he realizes that any internal study entails increased attention from parents.
• Second acceptance step: directly words of support, if they are appropriate: “It happens”, “It happened to me”, “Very angry when you are offended”, “Very sad when the holiday ends” ... In words of support, it is useful to report your similar experience or about the norm such experiences for a person in general. Such words will be a resolving factor for feelings. It is important in such a conversation not to pull the blanket over yourself and not to indulge in an emotional description of your own experience, then you will take up all the space. There will be nothing left for the experiences of the child himself. There shouldn't be too many of you in this conversation.
• The third step of psychological acceptance of the child: Clarifying a child's need with a simple question, "What do you want?" Here it is important to pause and give the child the opportunity to understand what he wants. On the part of the parents, only a hint-assumption may be appropriate, which should sound accordingly - after a pause: “I don’t know for sure, but maybe you want ...”, “I can be wrong, maybe you want ...” Naturally, the child does not he will give out a scientific formulation of the need, but he is able to say what he would like - to hug, hit, leave, cry.
• The fourth step of acceptance: support for the characteristics and needs of the child.
• Fifth step of acceptance:“presenting” one’s feelings and offering constructive ways to fulfill the need.

Showing your feelings (fear for the child, shame, irritation, anxiety) is very important, since it is the feelings - yours or other people's - that will become natural reasons for changing the child's behavior.

This formula of social interaction was proposed in the 19th century by the outstanding sociologist and philosopher Herbert Spencer. In his opinion, the framework of personal freedom should not be a circle outlined by the rules of state coercion, but the framework of the personal freedom of other people. And when translated into the language of child psychology, it turns out that by presenting your feelings to a child, you are pushing him to change his behavior not out of fear of an adult, but out of sympathy and a desire to follow with your help along the path of caring for others.

No less important is the fact that the manifestations of the emotions and desires of the parents help the child to more clearly and clearly feel the boundary between himself and other people - and this is an invaluable acquisition, without which it is difficult for a person to maintain friendly relations in a team.

The proposed algorithm of actions for the manifestation of the acceptance of the child's personality is considered to be classical psychologists of many directions. Now you also have a unique opportunity, bypassing the search for a psychologist and visiting him for an appointment, to directly influence the formation of an acceptable way to meet your child's needs at the very moment when it is needed. You just need to support the feeling of the child in time and step by step get to the need that conditions it. In the words "only", of course, there is a fair amount of irony: all this is not easy, you will need patience and restraint. And remember: the older the child, the more difficult it is for him to answer the question: “What do you want?” With age, this information “goes into depth”, and it becomes more and more difficult to extract it without the help of a specialist. But definitely worth a try.

Sometimes the situation turns out to be so complicated, and the emotions and desires of the child are so confused that he will not be able to explain his condition, and it will be difficult for you to understand his true needs, hearing the phrases: “I don’t want to go to school”, “I won’t go to my grandmother”, “Stupid lessons”, “Tired of everything”.

• Take the position of "listening" (sit at the same level with the child and make eye contact).
• Voice the child's emotions in an affirmative form (you are angry, you are sad ...).
• Pause, do not try to fill the conversation space with your vision of the situation, recommendations, advice.
• If you are talking, then you should not talk about yourself and your thoughts, but about what your child has already said. In fact, it looks like a repetition of the last or main phrases. This will show that you understand and encourage further narration, which will eventually lead to an understanding of what need is not satisfied and what the child really feels.

Satisfying the need for love, belonging and acceptance is extremely important for any person, especially a child, since this is the desired magical gift that every child and adult dreams of. Love and acceptance help not only to instill confidence, but also to find one's integrity, one's identity, and hence the harmony of the inner world and happiness.

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Emotional rejection is an ineffective parental attitude, which manifests itself in the lack or absence of emotional contact between the parent and the child, the insensitivity of the parent to the needs of the child.

Rejection can be overt and covert.

With a clear rejection, the parent demonstrates that he does not love and does not accept his child, is irritated about him. Hidden rejection is manifested in global dissatisfaction with the child (he is not so smart, skillful, beautiful), although formally, the parent fulfills his parental duties. Often emotional rejection is masked by exaggerated attention and care, but it betrays the desire to avoid close (bodily) contact.

Experts note that emotional rejection is often a consequence of the totalitarian consciousness of parents. In this case, in family communication, on the one hand, there is a deficit of positive emotional expressiveness, and on the other hand, the uncontrolled manifestation of repressed negative emotions becomes the rule. Of course, parents have a need to caress the child and often they experience a clear or vague sense of guilt for a mean display of affection. But due to insufficient awareness of one's own emotional states, emotions break through spontaneous outbursts of affection outside the actual context of communication. The child is forced, even obliged to accept affection and respond to it, regardless of his own mood at that moment.

Rejection is also associated with inadequate parental expectations for the child.

Parents may perceive their children as older and therefore not in need of much care and attention. Sometimes parents create an ideal, fictional image of a child that evokes their love. For some parents, this is an obedient, comfortable child. For others - successful, enterprising. However, in both cases, the fictional image of the child will not correspond to the real one. In many cases, rejection is combined with strict control, with the imposition of the only “correct” type of behavior on the child. Along with tight control, rejection can be combined with a lack of control, indifference to the child's life, and complete connivance.

Emotional rejection of a child is often accompanied by frequent punishments, including physical ones.

Moreover, mothers who reject their children tend to punish them for turning to them for help, as well as for striving to communicate with them. Parents who reject children and use an abusive style of interaction with them believe in the necessity and normality of physical punishment. Often, disobedience or unwanted behavior is punished by deprivation of parental love, demonstrating the uselessness of the child: “Mom doesn’t like this, she will find another boy (girl) for herself.” The consequence of this is the formation in the child of a sense of insecurity, fear of loneliness, abandonment. Lack of parental responsiveness to the needs of the child contributes to the child's feeling of "learned helplessness", which subsequently often leads to apathy and even depression, avoidance of new situations, lack of curiosity and initiative.

It is also very important to what extent and at what age the child was deprived of maternal love and care. In cases where the child is not completely deprived of maternal care and maternal love sometimes still manifests itself, the child can learn to expect some kind of emotional reaction from his parents. If this emotional reward is a condition of his obedience to parental demands, then under such conditions the child will develop anxious obedience rather than aggressiveness. For rejecting parents, an inversion of parent-child roles is often characteristic. Parents delegate their own responsibilities to children, and they themselves behave helplessly, demonstrating the need for guardianship and care. The basis of the child's emotional rejection may be the conscious, and most often unconscious identification of the child with some negative moments in the parents' own life.

The following personal problems of parents are distinguished, which determine the emotional rejection of the child:

• The underdevelopment of parental feelings, which outwardly manifests itself in the poor tolerance of the child's society, a superficial interest in his affairs. The reasons for the underdevelopment of parental feelings may be the rejection of the parent himself in childhood, when he himself did not experience parental warmth;
• Personal characteristics of the parent, for example, pronounced emotional coldness;
• The absence of a place for the child in the life plans of parents. The projection onto the child of their own negative traits - by fighting with them in the child, the parent derives emotional benefit for himself. The attitude of the parent towards the child depending on the gender of the child.

According to researchers, the "initial or basal" anxiety that occurs in a child suffering from a lack of parental love is the source of personality neuroticism.

Rejection and rejection cause anxiety in the child by blocking the need for love, affection and protection. Such a child can achieve praise, mother's love with the help of exemplary behavior, success in activities. In this case
fear arises: "If I behave badly, then they will not love me." Fear of failure causes anxiety, which, with real failures, is fixed and becomes a personality trait.

The rejection of the child by the parents leads to the formation of the following internal positions of the child: “I am not loved, but with all my heart I want to get closer to you” and “I am not needed, and not loved. Leave me alone".

First The position has two possible behaviors for the child. The child experiences a sense of guilt and sees the fact of being rejected by his parents as a punishment for his “badness”. The result of such experiences can be a loss of self-esteem and an irrational desire to improve, to meet parental expectations.

Second behavior is associated with the child's rejection of the family. In this case, the child comes to the conclusion that it is the parents who are to blame for his rejection. With parents, such children behave aggressively, dismissively, it seems that they deliberately annoy their parents, taking revenge on them for their lack of love. Aggression is a way of responding to emotional rejection. In particular, in situations of rejection, the child screams, fights, cries, seeks in any way to attract the attention of the mother.

The position “I am not needed and not loved, leave me alone” leads to a desire to get rid of the attention of an adult. The child demonstrates his stupidity, clumsiness, bad habits in order to “scare away” the parent from himself. This situation leads the child down the stage of social development. The rejected child seeks to attract the attention of the parent at any cost, even with the help of quarrels, breakups, oppositional behavior. This behavior of the child is called "negative attention seeking". In this case, a vicious circle is formed: the more stubbornness, negativism on the part of the child, the more punishments, restrictions on the part of the parent, which leads to increased oppositional behavior in the child. The child perpetuates his immature, inadequate attitude towards the family, asserts himself with the help of defiant behavior.

It is good when parents unconditionally love and accept their children in a family. But there is another picture, when for various reasons they are not ready for a child. For example, mom got a "surprise" too soon, from a man she didn't like, or foolishly trying to keep a man. Such cases are not rare in psychological practice. And although it is not customary to make them public, this does not mean that there is no problem.

How does the phenomenon of “rejecting parents” manifest itself?

It's simple - children in such a family are unwanted, and therefore grow up without support and love. They are rejected already from infancy, perceiving them as a punishment for stupidity or youthful sins. And then it turns out that dad or mom do not build relationships with the child, but simply react to it. They do not give him their warmth and tenderness, but constantly teach, find fault, drill, scold. A child in such a family does not feel valuable and necessary, his personality is suppressed by constant emotional abuse from his parents, their inadequate requirements.

Parents seem to be looking for a reason to throw out excesses on their child, to make him extreme, to explain all life's failures by his appearance. It is the child's fault that life failed, and the beloved man went to another. It is his fault that his mother did not take place in the profession and sat at home for years, indulging her cowardice. He is bad, awkward, too smart, active or whiny, not at all what she wanted. That is why he is given offensive nicknames, he is punished with a belt or coldness. In a sense, he is not only not loved, but also harmed, using methods of psychological or physical violence. And the point here is not in the child, but in the parents who are dissatisfied with the very existence of the offspring.

What does such an attitude lead to?

The little man endures the destructive attitude of his parents, starting to treat himself in the same way. He grows up with the attitude of a loser, gets used to being a lightning rod for those around him, a living punching bag. For him, the constant and selfishness of others, the encroachment of people on his freedom and dignity becomes the norm. Moreover, he believes that he deserves such an attitude, trying to please everyone.

Is it necessary to say how such an attitude distorts his picture of the world and self-esteem? Growing up, a person cannot get rid of a strange feeling of guilt for his appearance, he feels like an “ugly duckling”, not worthy of love and a good life. This provokes the development of many complexes and psychological problems - from overeating and chronic diseases to problems in a career and personal life. Most likely, he will seek acceptance from people who, by definition, cannot give it, which will lead him to even greater disappointment, devaluation of his personality and achievements. The picture looks bleak.

Can Rejecting Parents Be Reached Out?

If you have an adequate and sane person in front of you, proper psychological work will help to correct a lot. This category includes mothers who are simply tired of life, who were also criticized and not accepted a lot in childhood. They are capable of support, because their nit-picking comes from love and the desire to protect the child, raise him strong and independent. True, many things will have to change - the methods of education, the style of communication, expectations.

Another question is if you have a completely insane parent who rejects the child because he cannot do otherwise. No matter what you say to him, he is always right. You can’t doubt his methods, otherwise you will run into a scream, hysteria, hand-to-hand combat, or a complete refusal to communicate. These are born, sadists, and even generally insane individuals with problems in the field of psychiatry. After all, "psychos" are also different - not just patients with schizophrenia and hallucinations. By the way, the conversation with such people is always short: they cling so desperately to their illusions that they are not ready to compromise - either you listen to them, or you are declared an enemy.

Example: “Why are you hitting your child? “I don't hit anyone. “Here, look at his bruises. - Ah well! This petty traitor under the first number will receive from me ... "" Have you ever told your son that you love him? - The boy does not need tenderness. “But children need acceptance, have you ever wanted to just hug him?” “Everything is clear, doctor, you obviously conspired with him, you want to make me look like a bad mother?!”

What if the parent does not want to make contact?

Stop your head in the clouds and go down to earth, they are just people who can make mistakes. No need to curry favor with them, change yourself, make excuses, climb out of your skin, trying to achieve their location. It is obvious that these people are not capable of love! At least not now. It's time to grow up and admit to ourselves that reality does not always meet our expectations, you just need to let go of the situation and temporarily stop destructive communication.

Mom and dad are not a panacea for all ills. Live your own life, look for yourself, realize your own, without waiting for their approval. Your task is to learn to listen to your desires, to live according to your goals without regard to your family. And when the time comes, parents will understand everything and change ... or not change. But it will be on their conscience. You have the right to be different, to be happy.