Valuable tips for building relationships with your teenage daughter. How to mend a mother's relationship with an adult daughter

Good day! I am 45 years old, divorced for 10 years. An apartment was bought, Masha and I lived separately. In a neighbor's entrance - my mother is 77 years old and my father is 83 years old. The ex-husband has a new woman and a child - he does not sign, drinks a lot. Daughter Mary - 21 years old. Masha graduated from a prestigious school normally.

He considers himself unique, which is not confirmed by facts and deeds. I entered the law faculty of a local university on a board basis. I didn't like studying. There was a quarrel with a teacher in the 2nd year. After that, my daughter, in the 2nd year, passed some of the subjects. In the 3rd year she left home for 2 months, lived with a friend, did not go to college. After that, on the 3rd and 4th year, she worked as a mathematics tutor for children in grades 5-11, whom she found on the Internet. I tried to pass exams poorly without attending practical classes. It was not possible to study at the institute. I heard her teaching the child. I did not like it very much - not professionally, has little knowledge. Now since June he has been living in Moscow with a man of 30 years old at his expense. He came from Georgia 15 years ago, somehow graduated from the Moscow Institute of Marketing, works as a manager. Masha does not want to return home; she works as a tutor in Moscow again. In our family, both my mother (a teacher in the past), and me (a medical representative), and Masha - all quickly find a common language with the children. For the last 2.5 years Masha has been surfing the Internet until 4 am and has been playing tanks. Rises at 2-3 o'clock in the afternoon. The allergy that she suffered from in childhood has intensified, now it has renewed and transformed into neurodermatitis. I do not like living with a Georgian, unwillingness to study. I offered to enroll in another university (for example, pedagogical, I will pay for tuition). Masha says that you can live without higher education, find ways to make big money without making any effort, as most people who work all day do. When Masha lived at home, I constantly made comments about the long surfing on the Internet, the lack of desire to study ... I think (I graduated from the medical university) that Masha has signs of TIR. Her dad has TIR (persistent depression and alcoholism), dad's dad has TIR (the same thing). Masha does not want to go to her acquaintances (so as not to register) doctors. Take the simplest medicines too. All classmates study (many are very good at Moscow universities). Masha thinks she is cool. He is friends with only one girl, who also came to Moscow, works in a bank. Studying by correspondence. Masha is lazy. Doesn't tidy up the room, postpones all business, etc. He wants to communicate with me on the Internet from Moscow and so that I accept her way of life. I said that neither Georgians nor the lack of education in our family is acceptable. She broke off the relationship. In Georgian, I spoke personally when he came to communicate with Masha in the spring. As superficial, light, frivolous as Masha. My daughter wants to come home for a visit. How to build a relationship with her? She told her parents that Masha wants to continue living in Moscow, she lives with a friend. They are sick, you cannot tell the truth. When Masha lived in Kursk, I took Grandaxin, Afobazole, Phenibut courses. Now I feel better, because Masha is not around. I continue to take medications, but in smaller amounts. Because the parents I care for are neurotic. I can't find a normal man, I don't want to live with dependents, with those who don't appreciate me. Most importantly, I don’t know how to behave with Masha. She will be coming soon for winter clothes. It's also hard when everyone you know talks about successful children. I say that Masha continues to study. No one has such a thing as with Masha. My mother-in-law, when I asked her why her son behaves like that (walks and drinks), answered that she did not teach him this. Now I can say the same thing. I grew up in an excellent healthy family. In my free time I spend on reading books, gymnastics, walking. I plan to contact the Machine Teacher in English for lessons, sign up for dances, work harder and better. I'm getting stronger, but it's hard for me.

Psychologist's answer:

Hello Anastasia!

Thank you for describing your situation in such detail. You ask your question in the category "adult children and parents" and do the right thing. Indeed, your daughter is already an adult. The fact that she is an adult implies her financial, emotional independence, as well as independence in decision-making and responsibility for them. Of course, you are worried about her and wish her only well, and you can express your opinion about one or another of her decisions, but you can no longer and should not influence him. Because she's an adult! And by age and by the ability to live independently, to provide for oneself. Unfortunately, the time to influence her decisions has passed, all that remains is to accept them and let her learn from her mistakes, live her life, with her successes and failures. Give her a blessing, believe that in the end she will make the right decision for herself.

In your letter, a certain negative attitude towards your daughter is felt, and most likely it is he who interferes with the improvement of relations between you. Perhaps you transfer to her the negative that remained in relation to her father. Those. she personifies the continuation of her unpleasant (for you) father. Try to see her as OWN daughter, not just the daughter of your ex-husband.

Secondly, you feel responsible for how her life is developing now - so, don't blame yourself, now only she is responsible for her life. And also, perhaps you unconsciously consider yourself not a very good mother, since your daughter is not as successful as the children of your friends. But success is a relative concept and it comes to all its own way, in due time. And even the absence of the highest is not a hindrance. Try to see positive traits of character, temperament, ability, skill in your daughter. And in no case do not bend your soul and do not be ashamed of it. You have something to be proud of - your daughter is an independent woman, with her values ​​and the ability to protect them.

And devote enough time and attention to your life, to your interests - however, as you are doing and are doing right. Make your plans come true. And the daughter needs to be emotionally released into adulthood.

• Back: Parents against my boyfriend.
• Forward:

I am already 36 years old, I live separately from my parents. But my mother is always trying to teach and control me, checks what I fed my grandchildren, how I dress. If something is not on her - terribly offended. How do we stop fighting?

Svetlana Kudryavtseva, Voronezh

Answers psychologist Dmitry Voedilov:

The conflict between a daughter and mother is from a series of eternal conflicts, as well as the problems of a son with a father, a brother with a brother, etc. Mother and daughter are very close people and usually cannot understand why quarrels and resentments arise. In fairness, it must be said that some live in peace. It is not at all necessary that if you are a daughter, you must certainly conflict with your mother.

Why do quarrels arise between the closest people?

There are several reasons.

The mother's conviction that her daughter should be her copy, continuation... So, to think and act like her, have the same views, dress in the same way, etc. If the mother cannot or does not want to understand that her daughter is a different person, not like her , school), conflicts begin.

Daughter's "unexpected" growing up... Sometimes the mother cannot realize that her daughter has grown up, and continues to perceive her as little, to take care of, teach and instruct on every occasion. My daughter is trying to get out of such control, demonstrating her independence, independence and adulthood: they say, I myself know how to live.

My daughter got married and mom doesn't like her husband... The influence of the husband affects the behavior and attitudes of the daughter. This is where the reproaches begin: you dress the wrong way, behave wrong, bring up your child wrong, etc. I even know mothers who specifically do not let their daughter get married, live in the same apartment and keep them with them as a friend, companion, assistant , go to rest together. They do not allow men to come close, so as not to be taken away. That is, the personality of the mother completely absorbs the personality of the daughter. They live in perfect harmony, but an adult daughter has no children, no home of her own, no life of her own either. So, what is next? If the daughter still manages to escape from such strong motherly arms, then conflicts are inevitable.

Other life experiences and values... For example, a mother thinks that one should get married once and for all, and in a marriage it is imperative to give birth to children right away. And the daughter changes men or husbands in search of her prince, or believes that first you need to make a career, and then have children. Or the mother is used to saving money, and the daughter is wasting. Again, a reason for conflict.

A very close relationship - emotional, spiritual... The closer the person is to you, the harder you “hit”. This is the difference between “daughters - mothers” conflicts. Even with the mother-in-law, such conflicts (at least obvious ones) may not exist. The woman understands that this is her husband's mother, a stranger, in fact, a person, and she begins to control herself, to restrain herself. With a loved one, such a self-control role is violated. So the struggle is sometimes uncompromising. Very strong affection and love are fraught with stronger resentments and mental pain if a quarrel suddenly arises.

How to mend a relationship with your mother?

Remember the eternal... This is still a mother, she gave you life, and although you and her are in many ways different, at the same time you have a lot in common. And your relationship with her is more important than defending your own principles. We must remember that mom is older. If the relationship is destroyed, then later, if mom needs help, she may not accept it. And this is a heavy blow for life, which cannot be redeemed.

Analyze the causes of the conflict... Instead of hiding resentment for years, it is better to think about why mom says and acts like that. It is clear that although he is a native person, he is also an independent person. Try to understand the reasons for mom's behavior, why she demands something from you. Try to stand in her place. She may be nagging because she has health problems, which is why she is often angry and annoyed.

If a conflict does happen, try to compromise.... And so that emotions do not go off scale, explain why you think and act so ("I do this because ..."). When you switch to a logical discussion of some topics, the left hemisphere of the brain, which is responsible for logic, turns on. And the right hemisphere, which is responsible for emotional behavior, is inhibited at this time, and the quarrel does not flare up.

In a conversation, try not to get personal, insults... "You have always disrespected me!" For example, instead of the words: "Of course, I have no doubt that I am your most terrible and insensitive daughter in the world!" - you can say: "I really need your advice and support." If mom persists, just play along with her, enter the role of an exemplary daughter. And when the quarrel subsides, have a heart-to-heart talk.

Check with your mom often.... For example, ask how to plant roses in the garden or bake her signature cake. After all, the mother believes that the daughter is her continuation, and “continuation” implies the transfer of any experience. And just so that mom knows that you need her, even though the daughter has grown up a long time ago and lives with her family. But you need to understand that this will only work if it evokes positive emotions. So look for the right topic and time to talk. The worst option may look, for example, like this: "Mom, teach me how to cook borscht!" - “And I explained to you five years ago, have you forgotten? You do not hear and do not respect me at all! " Or: "I'm thinking about great things, and you are with your borscht!"

Remember that the best love between mom and daughter is love at a distance.... To have fewer conflicts, you have to live separately. Then there will be fewer reasons for daily reproaches and claims: I bought something wrong, cooked the wrong way, washed the dishes poorly, etc. And when you live apart, you start to get bored. It is necessary to dose communication.

Don't forget that time heals... It is most important. If you brought the situation to a conflict and could not immediately reconcile and sort things out in hot pursuit, you need to pause, calm down for both, and then find a reason to meet and have a heart-to-heart talk.

Learn to forgive... No matter how strong your grievance may be, you should always look for motives for reconciliation. Usually, even after having a strong quarrel, mom and daughter feel the abnormality of such alienation between loved ones, both are very worried. Sometimes someone just needs to take the first step.

We are all children of our parents. We trust them from early childhood - after all, these people raised us and took care of us. Over time, many become parents themselves, and are surprised to discover what a hard job it is. But with all our understanding, we still have those previous and often not yet ended relationships - for example, a mother with a daughter.

Most likely, they will not have to be "adjusted" to new realities, but completely rebuilt. The girl has grown up, her mother persists - where are the roots of this conflict and how to resolve it competently?

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Photo gallery: How to improve a mother's relationship with an adult daughter?

Difficult period of growing up

The growing up of sons is relatively easier, but not softer. Girls tend to agree with their mother, or at least not to conflict once again. And the sons quite sharply declare their own independence and separateness. Therefore, the question "how to establish a relationship between a mother and an adult daughter?" is much more acute than in the relationship "son - father".

The most terrible thing that you can think of, and that will surely affect the whole life of a girl, a future woman, is to defend her “adulthood”. The right to be yourself, to have your own convictions and becomes the cause of quarrels, difficult relationships between a grown daughter and her mother. But how can a mother improve a relationship with an adult daughter if both sides persist?

Troubled periods

5-7 years old. Unconscious competition "for dad"

The first problems begin even before adolescence. They are based on the competition between mother and daughter. Who would have thought that a five-seven-year-old daughter would have to prove his worth?

And if a mother has at least some doubts about her beauty, success, intelligence - all of them will surely cause a difficult relationship with her daughter. After all, children very clearly perceive where we feel uncomfortable, where we seem to ourselves funny or incompetent.

The worst thing a mother can do is to seriously compete with her young daughter. "How is it, she points out to me my shortcomings!" - Mom will be indignant and will be wrong. And the best thing is to praise her from the very first conscious actions of the daughter.

I washed the plate, warmed my father's lunch in the microwave or wiped the dust in the house, brought the top five - all this is a reason for recognizing her success. As it was in the wise cartoon: “Did you take out the trash? Clever daughter! "

And an adult daughter, who survived this period not without loss, should reflect on the fact that childhood is over long ago, and to continue that crazy competition with her mother is at least stupid.

13-19 years old. Age of first kisses

The first walks with boys (even chastely, by the hand, or in a common company) can cause problems with mom. Even if at one time she enjoyed success and popularity, she is consumed by unconscious envy. Now mom is a “husband’s wife,” and besides, the freshness of the first feelings cannot be returned.

Add to this the typical fears “What if my daughter is no longer a virgin? What if someone offends her? ”, And you will understand what it is like for a mother with her teenage daughter. In addition to justified concern for the life, health (physical and mental) of her "blood", she is forced to recognize in her a flourishing femininity. And it is not clear how a mother can establish a relationship with an adult daughter after an absolutely unrecognized hidden competition at this stage of her growing up. In any case, psychologists undertake to restore relationships only when both mother and daughter are already independent individuals. Otherwise, it will turn out like this: “My child has completely deteriorated! Do something with her! "

20 and older. After the "riot". Family life

What could be more touching and more pleasant than a daughter who is getting married and starting her own family? Only a daughter who does not do all this!

It is difficult for mom to accept that her daughter is already on an equal footing with her. In the same way, or (even worse), at a higher level, she takes care of her man, keeps her house clean and prepares insanely complex dishes.

The next round of competition is aggravated by the fact that the daughter is already able to calmly listen to the claims, and you cannot attribute "teenage rebellion" to her. She is already quite an adult. At this stage, mothers are already thinking about what their daughters do not seem to need. But mothers are always needed!

This stage of the conflict is the most beneficial, and the heart will tell you how to establish a relationship with an adult daughter. The easiest way to find those "strings", those areas in which the mother is needed and can provide invaluable help. Parenting? Friendly advice on the au pair when asked? A vest for all the tears that cause the first grief in family life?

There are many options. But a wise and sensitive mother will notice when her daughter also begins to "reach out" to her mother, to build completely different, not "childish" relationships. Full-fledged, friendly, partner (you - me, I - you) - all these are characteristics of the quality of communication between mother and daughter.

The main thing that will help a mother to establish relationships with an adult daughter:

Be helpful, but not intrusive;

Be a friend, but not require your daughter to share her mother's interests.

Active, active mom

"Pensioner" is a stigma. As, however, and "grandmother". Ladies do not want to admit this to themselves, but the birth of grandchildren is a joyful event, overshadowed by a new status. But a mother who is "over fifty" rushes to extremes, makes braces and runs around her gentlemen - no less a shame for her daughter.

On the one hand, the "sour swamp" that forms even around a working pensioner is addictive. On the other hand, activity should also be moderate. The daughter will certainly respect her mother more if she is active and active, if she has her own interests. And if at the same time the mother does not neglect helping the young family, then this is a golden mother, and the relationship with her will be the most wonderful!

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My daughter was brought up by my parents, now we feel the distance. She holds a grudge against me for this. How to build a relationship with her? I got married early for love, my parents did not accept my husband, tired of reproaches from them, we parted. There was a daughter, we lived with my parents, there is a kindergarten, an English school. I got married a second time, we were given housing from an organization in another area of ​​the city. The daughter stayed with her parents. The son from the second marriage was ill, I constantly dealt with him. I went to see my daughter two or three times a week. She was loved by her parent, but she was strictly brought up. We missed each other and cried. The second husband was not friendly to her. Then I broke up with my second husband. He drank, was aggressive. The three of us began to live: I am a daughter and a son. At first, it was difficult to rub in, then everything worked out. Now my daughter is married and lives in France. But there is a distance between us. She reminds me that we were not together. How to build relationships? Thank you in advance.

Answers and advice from psychologists

Psychologist-consultant

Consultant psychologist. Trainer. Wife. Love people. I work until I get the result. My profession is a psychologist. By my personal example, I know what it means to see when something goes wrong, but not understand how to change it. I had to search a lot to find answers to questions. I learned the techniques and figured out how life traps work. Because, at first, she thundered in them, and it was necessary to look for a way out. As a result, I became a specialist who helps to get out of them. I know that it takes a lot of effort and time, and I understand how to achieve results as efficiently as possible.

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Elena, hello!

The relationship between children and parents is often difficult. I am sorry that your relationship with your daughter is not as warm as you would like it to be.

If we talk about strategy, then it is important for you to understand the following points:

1. How to improve relationships? How do you want your relationship to be? How do you know if the relationship is good?

2. Your daughter can really hold a grudge against you. This is normal - all children to one degree or another (consciously or unconsciously) carry a grudge against their parents. She has the right to do so. Actually, like other feelings. And here, no matter how difficult it is for you, it is important to let her take offense, let her express this offense. After all, if a person can openly say that he was once hurt, then he trusts you so much that he is sure that you will listen to him and will not attack in response.
Try to figure it out: what is behind this resentment? What child's need was not satisfied then and what is your daughter reading you about now when she talks about her hurt? Most likely, behind all the pain, anger, resentment and claims lie simple human desires: to hug, kiss, apologize, admit that "yes, you shouldn't have done that, you had to be with me," they said that you, it doesn't matter , the most dear-loved-dear-necessary to me (find the words that are important for your daughter to hear), I will not give you to anyone, I will always love, etc.

4. The processes described above can take a long time. This is a matter of no conversation. And the other person should also be given time to digest and understand your conversations. Patience and your determination to establish a warm and close relationship with your daughter are important here.

5. A person, no matter how much offended he was, sooner or later will open towards warmth, vulnerability and sincerity. But when a person tries to establish contact, it is in a vulnerable position and to be - he can be rejected when he is open. It is important to withstand this condition. The main thing is that it was precisely the desire to establish close contact, and not manipulation - now you have to be friends with me at any cost. It is important to respect the other person's right that change can take a long time. No matter how difficult it is for you. Have a person (close or specialist) with you who will support you in difficult moments before or after talking with your daughter. After all, it is also difficult for you in this situation.

I sincerely wish you patience, inner strength and support.

Peace and goodness to your home!



Psychologist; Clinical psychologist; Forensic expert

clinical psychologist, consultant psychologist, life coach, forensic expert, candidate of psychological sciences specialization: individual psychological counseling focused on solving problems; psychodiagnostics and forensic examination; personality-oriented integral psychotherapy (post-traumatic stress disorders, addictions, existential problems, neuroses and neurosis-like disorders, disorders and deviations in age-sex development); life coaching (effective life strategy, self-development, career management)

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Hello, Elena!

What do you mean by "build relationships"? Your daughter is an independent adult woman who has created her own independent family with her husband and lives in another country, thousands of kilometers from you. Of course, there is even a purely physically huge distance between you, which inevitably leaves an imprint on your relationship, and of course your relationship cannot be the same as if you lived as one family or in the same city in neighboring houses. This position must be taken for granted.

Proper upbringing is not only jelly rivers and creamy lakes with marzipan islands in biscuit shores, about which everything is always remembered only with tears of affection and hugs. A good and happy family is not always one where 3-4 generations with children and household members constantly live in one place under one roof and eat at the same table ...

Proper upbringing is a very difficult process, during which parents give their children the maximum that they can give, so that children, starting from some time, can lead an independent life, and be successful and happy in it. Apparently, your daughter is not a helpless and dependent loser, she leads an independent life, which means that after a while, when she has matured enough herself, she will be ready to forget her childhood grievances and will be able to accept the fact that you gave her a good upbringing. The best they could give. And when she understands this, she will no longer express grievances and remember that you were not always as close to each other. This issue requires patience on your part, because there are no such magic words that could radically accelerate this process of awareness and acceptance by a daughter of the realities of her childhood and boyhood as positive, especially at such a physical distance.

The fact that you posed the problem of "building relationships" suggests that you are at a turning point in life, when one of its most important stages definitely ends: you raised your children, gave them everything you could, they entered an independent life, and before you more and more clearly the question arises of how well you fulfilled your tasks as a mother, and what awaits you personally at the next stage, what it will be filled with, will the children appreciate what you have given them as a mother, will they be forgiven for what you didn’t give, will they understand that if they didn’t give something, it’s because they couldn’t give it, and will they give you some place in their life, and what kind of place it will be ?! And behind this question hides the fear of being lonely in old age, the fear of being accused and rejected by your children ...

In order to get through this transitional crisis normally, you need to accept the past as it was, and in assessing yourself as a mother, be guided by the biblical principle "by their fruits you will know them" ... If you see that your children are growing up ready for independent life, can fight for their happiness and for a better future, then you have nothing to be ashamed of in the past and, in fact, there is nothing to ask for forgiveness from. Because your possible mistakes, along with the right efforts, contributed to the positive result obtained. Most importantly, try to find yourself in a new stage of life and fill this stage with some important, meaningful content for you, which will allow you to live a fulfilled life. If it is difficult to go through this stage of life on your own, contact a psychologist.

Best regards, Evgeniy



Psychologist-consultant

Problem solver. I think that digging into the problem is pointless, it is easier to quickly and efficiently remove it. I always adjust my work individually, looking at the person, which gives good results. I actively practice in my work transformation techniques, art therapy, various modern psychotechnologies and practices ...

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Helena. if possible, then use the advice of a psychologist and remove your guilt towards your daughter. It is this feeling that works like a magnet and attracts your daughter's reaction to you and you expect reproaches and accusations from her.

When your daughter becomes a mother, you can tell her that no mother wishes her child badly. You, like any normal mother, wanted it well. it just looked good yours ...

It turned out that this did not suit her. You also did not like how your mother loves you .. We are loved as much as they can, and not as we want. and we always want what is not (we have the rest)

and forgive yourself, your attitude towards your daughter allowed her to start a family and even leave for another country, and not be helpless and hold on to my mother's hem ... Also an option ...

attitude towards us and our picture of the world allows us to be where we are

you raised a great person together, just tell her and yourself



Elena, my daughter is right. She has something to take offense at you. You just love her, her family. Help her, be there if necessary. those. if you did not surrender to her then, surrender to her now. And all will be well

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Elena, the relationship will gradually begin to improve itself, as soon as love flows in you, and the joy that your daughter can be happily married while living in France. Over time, you can tell your daughter about your regret that you did not succeed in being a good mother to her, and that it is now very difficult for you to realize these mistakes of yours, and to understand the suffering that your daughter experienced, needing in her time as a mother. care, love, contact, conversation, support, and more. Only then will it be a sincere, quiet, recognition that does not require anything in return - you will definitely receive good and mutual feedback ... not right away ...

Hello dear readers! It's so hard to notice that the child has really matured. Yesterday my daughter was not able to tie her shoelaces, but today she proves that she herself, knows everything perfectly and can. Everything would be fine, but it becomes more difficult to control the child. One awkward movement and they will start to hide something from you, you will not even know about the most exciting episodes. It's scary to think what this might lead to. How to deal with this?

Today I will tell you how to improve your relationship with your teenage daughter. A few basic rules that are incredibly difficult to follow. They will help create a harmonious union and fully prepared for later life.

Treat like an adult

It doesn't matter if you are a father or stepfather, a mother or a stepmother in adolescence, a child needs a special attitude towards himself. He felt like an adult. He is able to make independent decisions and be responsible for them.

For the first time, the child begins to listen to his desires, he has special needs, and he already knows enough about the world to be cunning and. Not always correct.

So that a son or daughter does not run to smoke, ride motorcycles or in some other way prove to the world that they have matured, it is more profitable to create the illusion of a serious relationship in the family. Let him decide some questions for himself: when to eat, what to do, who to be friends with, and so on.

Remember yourself. Even being a forty-year-old person, when you hear: "Don't look to the left" in 90% of cases, you will turn your head in this direction. What do you want from a 13-year-old girl? Any attempts to control her life only make things worse and make you want the forbidden fruit.

You have experience, you want good, but the stepdaughter is able to understand some things on her own. For example, if she does not want to sleep until three in the morning, and tomorrow is for her school, it is not necessary to force her to bed. In a week or two, she herself will understand the importance of the daily routine.

I am reminded of an incident told by a friend of mine. She has two daughters. One of them came home in a state of very strong alcoholic intoxication. Both parents were already preparing to make a scandal, to which the sister, a girl who was only 15, said: “Mom, do not scold Nastya. She feels so bad now. Tomorrow will also be ashamed. I don't think she will ever want to repeat this feat herself. "

In fact, the girl gave very good advice from a real psychologist. Any crime is followed by punishment. In this case, the teenager had to punish himself on his own.

If the girl were scolded, she would soon forget about this incident and most likely the situation could repeat itself with one exception - she would not go home, but would wait until she feels better somewhere else.

The girl was made responsible for her actions. They showed that they treated her like an adult. As a result, she gave up strong alcohol forever.

We want to take care of the child, tell him how it will be better. Okay, we have experience, but how did we get it? By trial and error. Sometimes even an adult cannot be reached. Especially if he doesn't ask you. Think of any friend of yours who suffers or works for wear. You have no power to influence. So what can you want from a teenager?

Influencing a teenager can and should be done in other ways. I can recommend you the book by Anastasia Ponomarenko “ How to improve a relationship with a teenager. 100 practical tips". In it you will find many recommendations and advice from a psychologist.

Do not criticize

This is a very important point that is forgotten in many families. If the stepdaughter is finally ripe to tell you something about her life, in no case criticize her actions. Try to find a healthy, reasonable grain in all this.

There are no a priori evil people in nature. We perform every action with good intentions. Is always. Do not blame a person for all mortal sins if he was wrong. Try to understand and empathize if necessary.

I know of cases when even some incidents: "She will not understand anything, in any case I will be guilty." If a teenager does not see support and any of his actions are interpreted as wrong, sooner or later he will begin to hide facts from you.

Be a mentor, interact with your child on an equal footing, as if it is your friend. Now it is too late to teach him life, appealing to strength and "teacher" authority. Somewhere from the age of 13, the baby himself begins to understand who is good, smart, who is worth listening to, and from whom nothing can be achieved.

Now you have no opportunity to "buy" love with toys. We must try to deserve it, showing participation in his life, caring, and sometimes, simply not interfering in his affairs.

It is very difficult to communicate with your child as if it were your friend, but you will get much more from this behavior strategy than if you try to continue living in the old way, despite the fact that life and the person living next to you have changed.

Such a policy will help mend even damaged relationships.
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