What should parents do if a teenager starts drinking? What to do if a child starts smoking: how parents should behave so as not to aggravate the situation

10.07.2019

Natalya Kaptsova

Reading time: 10 minutes

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Regrettably, but the problem of smoking in our country every year affects more and more young people. The first cigarettes, according to statistics, are smoked by boys under the age of ten, and by girls at thirteen. According to narcologists, with the fifth cigarette, the same nicotine addiction already appears, which will be very difficult to fight. What should parents do if their child starts smoking?

The child smells of cigarettes - what to do?

You should not immediately grab the child by the collar and shake it with cries of “Will you still smoke, bastard?”. Take the problem seriously. Analyze, why did the child smoke. What exactly does smoking give a child. It is possible that this is just an "experiment", and the "craze" will pass without your belt, of course. Remember:

By smoking, a teenager can express his protest against parental dictates.
The child has already grown up. He has need for independence the ability to make decisions independently.
Think about what restrictions you put on the child (unloved business, friends, etc.). Expand your child's rights by reminding them of their responsibilities.
Do not start serious conversations with the words “smoking is harmful to health”, “you are not mature enough yet”, etc. By doing this, you will ensure yourself a failure in achieving the result in advance. Build the phrase so that the child understands that he is put on the same level as an adult.
Don't take notes, do not reproach, do not shout. Give your child a chance to make their own decision. The main thing is to warn him about the consequences. Surprisingly, teens who are given a choice tend to make the right decisions.
No point in being intimidated teen clip art with black lungs. For him, the disrespect of friends is much worse. But to talk about the dangers of smoking for the vocal cords, skin and teeth, on the contrary, is necessary. Although for some, especially impressionable children, pictures may have an effect.

The child started smoking. What do parents usually do?

They make you smoke a whole pack of cigarettes to induce a physiological aversion to nicotine. It is worth saying that this method makes most teenagers smoke even more, in retaliation to their parents.
Allowed to smoke at home so that the child does not smoke with friends in the gateways. Sometimes this way helps. But there is also a downside to the coin: a child may decide that they recognized his right to smoke, and go even further.
Swearing, threatening punishment , demands to quit a bad habit, forbids communicating with "bad" guys. Unfortunately, such measures are rarely effective.

Why teenagers start smoking

Having discovered that the child smokes, first of all, you should calm down and think about how to properly influence the teenager so that he completely abandons the bad habit. The best way - talk to the child kindly, in a peaceful environment, and find out why he started smoking. Next, you should find an alternative, a replacement for the reason that became the impetus for the first cigarette. Why do teenagers start smoking?

Because smoking friends .
Because .
I just wanted try .
Because it "Cool" .
Because in the eyes of friends you seem older .
Because "took poorly" (peer pressure).
Because "that hero in film looked very brutal and authoritative with a cigarette.
Favorite stars (show business, etc.) also smoke.
colorful advertising and drawings of prizes from cigarette manufacturers.
Contradictions in the family parental dictate .
Lack of impressions , attention, emotions, boredom.
Craving for danger and forbidden.

Will always be in the first place example of smoking parents . It makes no sense to convince a child of the dangers of smoking when you stand with a cigarette in your hand. A child who sees parents smoking from childhood will also smoke in eighty percent.

What to do if a child starts smoking?

The inaction of parents, of course, is dangerous. But more severe punishment. It can serve not only to root the habit, but also to a more serious protest. So what to do?

To start figure out the reasons the emergence of such a habit. And then, eliminate these reasons, or offer the child an alternative.
Designate your stance on smoking and, together with the child, look for ways to eliminate this habit, not forgetting about moral support.
Do not store cigarettes (if parents smoke) at home in easily accessible places and, moreover, do not smoke in the presence of children. And better in general. Personal example - .
Do not talk with the child in an aggressive way - only in a benevolent environment.
Try to prove to the child that even without a cigarette you can be an adult, fashionable, standing out from the rest. Give examples (athletes, musicians). It is advisable to introduce the child to an authoritative non-smoking person who will “do his bit” in the fight against this habit. Usually, the opinion of an authoritative person "from the outside" gives more results than the annoying and tedious persuasions of parents.
Request a consultation to a child psychologist . This method is very radical, because a child can perceive this method initially “with hostility”.
To convey to a teenager information from reliable sources about the dangers of smoking (literature, video, etc.), scientifically substantiated and worldly motivated.
cherish trust in a relationship with a child. Do not punish, do not humiliate - be a friend. Correct and mature friend.
Pay attention to the situation in the family . Trouble in the family often becomes one of the reasons. The child may feel unwanted, abandoned, simply dissatisfied with the role assigned to him in the family. It is also possible that he is trying to draw your attention to himself: remember how kids behave when they lack this attention - they begin to act outrageously.
Thoroughly look at the social circle child, without getting into his personal space. It is impossible to put a teenager on a short leash, but you can direct his energy in the right direction. It is our busyness that, as a rule, becomes the cause of oversight. Keep your finger on the pulse, be aware of events - where and with whom the child spends time. But only as a friend, not a supervisor.
Does the child smoke because for him it is a way of organizing communication? Teach him in other ways, use your experience in life, refer to special trainings if experience is not enough.
Help your child to discover within himself the personal qualities, talents and virtues that will help him gain authority among his peers, gain popularity and respect.
Ask your child - what would he like to do Pay attention to his hobbies. And help your child discover himself in this matter, distracting him from smoking, problems of becoming, etc.
Teach your child to have and express their own opinion not to depend on other people's influence, to defend their interests. Does the child want to be a "black sheep"? Let him express himself however he wants. This is his right. Especially since it's temporary anyway.
Does a child relieve stress with a cigarette? Teach him safer and more enjoyable relaxation techniques. Theirs is the sea.
The main task - raise your child's self-esteem . Find something in a teenager, due to which he will be able to grow in his own eyes.
Smoking to get girls' attention? Show him other ways to gain credibility.
Looking for reasons specifically for your child. It makes no sense to appeal to the conscience and mind of a teenager with spatial reasoning about a hypothetical death from lung cancer, etc. Find “pain points” in your child.
Try letting your child smoke. Pretend that this is his own business, how he deals with his health. Most likely, the child will lose interest in the fetus, which has ceased to be forbidden.
Give your child a sense of responsibility for the actions taken. Give him more freedom. The child must decide for himself how to dress, with whom to be friends, etc. Then he will not have to prove his adulthood to you by smoking.

The most important thing in the educational process - open communication between parents and teenagers. If a child knows from childhood that he can come to his parents and tell them about everything, including fears, hopes and worries, then he will always come to you before taking any serious step in life. And knowing that his opinion is important for parents, he will treat his decisions more carefully. The advantage of friend status for a parent is that you can calmly discuss all the problems, that arise in a child's life, you will simply be aware of these problems, and you will also be able to control every first experience of the child, in whatever it is.

If a teenager starts smoking

What to do if a child smokes?

With surprise and indignation, you learned that your son or daughter smokes. This is a surprise for you. The first thought that comes to mind is to severely punish, ban once and for all, so that this never happens again. However, let's not rush.

The role of parents, like other relatives and friends, is underestimated. Their support in quitting smoking is paramount.

Is punishment a means to stop smoking?

Many parents think that the more severe the punishment for smoking, the better it will work. However, this is far from being the case; punishment hardens the child, destroys trusting relationships with parents, causes resentment, but does not always lead to smoking cessation. All supporters of hard methods know this: one punishment will be followed by another, even more severe, and so on. But the teenager continues to smoke.

Should I be afraid of the consequences of smoking?

Having discovered that a child smokes, parents, as a rule, seek to urgently inform him about the dangers of smoking. At the same time, wanting to immediately achieve the desired effect, along with useful, important information for a teenager, they give useless information. For example, they talk about the harmful effects of smoking in the distant future: in 50 years you will have cancer, a sick heart, a bad complexion ... Such a retribution delayed for decades does not make the expected impression on a teenager. The distant future seems unlikely to him. In addition, many teenagers do not understand that quitting smoking is difficult. They think they can give up cigarettes whenever they want. This illusion must be destroyed.

Punishment does not eliminate the causes of early smoking!

It only hurts child's trust in parents.

Do not bully a teenager, information about the dangers of smoking

must be reliable and up to date.

Often parents resort to false but intimidating information, for example: “If you smoke, your hair will fall out”; “You will become mentally handicapped,” etc. Such information, of course, frightens a teenager and, if he is suspicious, can lead to a mental disorder - cause constant fear for his health. At the same time, over time, a teenager will become convinced of the falsity of this information (after all, TV shows and popular science magazines are available to everyone) and will lose confidence in parents not only in connection with the problem of smoking.

Why do teenagers violate the smoking ban?

Teenagers are not allowed to smoke. This legitimate requirement must be respected for the benefit of the children themselves. However, this just prohibition is violated by a teenager under a number of conditions:

when the ban is external, formal in nature: you can’t smoke at home or at school, but on the street, in the yard - you can, no one will make comments there;

when the ban is not motivated. Often adults do not take the trouble to substantiate their claims. As, for example, in such a dialogue: “You can’t smoke” - “Why?” - “Because it is impossible”... Such a “justification” may satisfy a younger student, but not a teenager who is inclined to analyze the statements of adults;

when the ban is "unfair" in nature. Often, both parents and teachers appeal to the “adulthood” of a teenager, demand from him independence in actions and decision-making, and at the same time smoke in front of him, thereby clearly demonstrating the abyss that separates “real” adults from “fake” ones.

Adolescents perceive open smoking of adults as an age privilege, smoking becomes in their eyes a material attribute of adulthood.

What effect do smoking parents have on children's smoking initiation?

To the question: “Will your child smoke?” the majority of smokers interviewed responded negatively. Unfortunately, statistics tell a different story: 80% of smokers grew up in families where their parents smoked. Consequently, parents are often unaware of their contribution to introducing children to smoking and other bad habits.

There is no need to intimidate a teenager; information about the dangers of smoking should be reliable and up-to-date.

Smoking by parents and teachers in the presence of teenagers is unacceptable! The prohibition of smoking for adolescents must be justified and motivated.

From a very early age, a child sees beautiful boxes of cigarettes, lighters, ashtrays in the house, and often plays with them. He sees his parents and their guests smoking and gradually gets used to tobacco smoke. The child seeks to imitate his parents, adopts their real everyday attitude to smoking, which does not correspond to the words about the harmfulness of this habit.

What to do if a teenager still started smoking?

First of all, think about the specific reasons for the appearance of this bad habit, and not try to stop it right away with severe punishment.

To get acquainted with the available literature, other materials and sources containing substantiated information about the harmful effects of smoking on health, especially on the body of a teenager, and bring this information to his mind. However, it is not necessary to give a teenager false, frightening information.

Create and maintain an atmosphere of trust in relations with a son or daughter. Having learned about the appearance of a bad habit, do not humiliate or punish a teenager, do not pretend that you no longer love him. Choose the right moment and, in a calm, confidential conversation, try to discuss the problem with him.

The ban on smoking should not only be scientifically justified, but also motivated by everyday life. At the same time, remember that an emotional outburst can lead to the fact that a teenager closes up and it becomes much more difficult to help him.

Smoking in adolescence often indicates trouble in the family. In particular, this may mean that your child is not satisfied with his role in the family, and he needs to be helped to feel more adult.

Pay close attention to the relationship of a teenager with peers, try to protect him from the influence of smoking friends.

Remember that since the causes of smoking ripen gradually, it is not possible to overcome this habit immediately. Therefore, parents need to be patient, and not try to solve the problem with decisive pressure.

If you yourself smoke, then think about whether you have become an example for a child?

What to answer the question “Why do adults smoke if it is so harmful?”

When you tell a teenager that smoking is harmful, you often hear in response that this is not true, since many adults smoke, in particular teachers and doctors, and that adults will not lose their authority if they frankly admit to children that they are weak: they themselves smoke because unable to get rid of this bad habit. This will create the right attitude towards smoking in children and increase confidence in parents.

Quite often smokers live to advanced years. Why do adults smoke and does smoking affect life expectancy? Unfortunately, among the adult population of our country, about 50% of men and 10% of women smoke. Most of them started smoking since childhood. Nearly 80% of adult smokers would like to quit and have made such attempts without success. Of regular smokers, just over 20% succeed in quitting because the smoker becomes too addicted to the cigarette and becomes its slave. This dependence on tobacco is most pronounced in those who started smoking since childhood. It is quite characteristic that by the end of their studies at the institute, more than half of the smoking students would like to quit smoking because of deteriorating health - and this is in the heyday, when a person has every opportunity to be healthy, when he has the most interesting, most fruitful years ahead of him.

The fact that smoking does not affect life expectancy is an illusion, a myth. A psychological pattern simply works: a person remembers only the good, for example, the long life of a loved one who smoked. In fact, smokers rarely live to old age, but such cases are striking and have a calming effect on smokers.

If a teenager has parents or good friends who smoke, it is advisable to discuss the problem of smoking with them. The answer, as a rule, is unequivocal - it is a bad habit that cannot be got rid of. Of course, among smokers there are also "suicides" who do not believe in the harm of tobacco and hope that they will not be touched by the drama of the consequences of smoking - the development of chronic diseases and premature death. Such people are like those who run across the street in the wrong place or at a red light. Sometimes it succeeds...

Sometimes people start smoking as adults. The reasons for this are different, but often it is the influence of others. So smokers bring triple harm - to themselves, to others (passive smoking) and to those who are involved in smoking.

Conclusion:

Smoking is one of the harmful and common habits among teenagers youth. In addition to causing irreparable harm to the health of smokers and their environment, this habit prevents the formation of age-appropriate behavioral attitudes for a healthy lifestyle in children, adolescents, boys and girls, and slows down personal and moral growth.

Of course, information about the dangers of smoking alone is not enough to correct the situation with smoking among adolescents. It is necessary to create a comprehensive system of measures aimed at eliminating smoking among adolescents and young people. As well as increasing attention to the problem of smoking not only among students and staff of an educational institution, but also involving parents in joint and productive work.

The problem of nicotine addiction all over the world is quite acute. Perhaps the most unpleasant thing about this medical and social phenomenon is that children are increasingly becoming smokers. According to statistics, boys smoke their first cigarette at the age of 10, young ladies - closer to 13 years.

And although the initial experience usually does not give any pleasure, the child continues to smoke "for the company", fearing to stand out among smoking peers. According to narcologists, dependence is formed after the fifth cigarette smoked.

Not surprisingly, many parents are concerned about what to do if a teenager starts smoking.

It is not very difficult to identify a smoker in a child, because teenagers usually do not know how to pretend, hide their hobbies. Therefore, the main signs of smoking children are visible to the naked eye:

And, of course, the most obvious indicator is if you caught a child smoking a cigarette. Here, as they say, do not turn away. But the stories of "well-wishers" who allegedly saw your offspring smoking should be treated with a fair amount of skepticism.

But this information should not be discounted either, you just need to take a closer look at your son or daughter.

Why does a child start smoking?

If a teenager is addicted to smoking, first of all, parents need to understand why the addiction arose, where the legs come from the first cigarette smoked. If you have a trusting relationship with a child, it's best to just talk.

In the case of secretive behavior of the offspring, you need to analyze your relationship, remember the circle of his friends.

Why does a child start smoking? Psychologists and narcologists distinguish the following reasons for the occurrence of this:

the child takes an example from smoking parents;
interest in cigarettes, that is, simply wanted to try;
imitates smoking friends;
smoking is fashionable, from his point of view;
started smoking on a dare, because his friends claimed that he was a weakling and a sissy;
the child focuses on smoking characters in movies, music videos;
“pecked” at the bright commercials demonstrating the approval of this lifestyle;
children protest against parental diktat in such a way, that is, the child starts smoking to spite his mother or father (this is from the series “no one understands me”);
boring and monotonous pastime, lack of other hobbies, for example, playing sports;
desire to taste the "forbidden fruit".

As you can see, the list of possible reasons is quite impressive. However, the most significant and obvious motive is the personal example of smoking parents.

By the way, if you smoke yourself, it will significantly complicate the process of weaning your child from this addiction.

Before discussing the fight against this bad habit, it is necessary to dwell on how harmful nicotine is to the developing human body.

The modern child has a better attitude to scientific facts than to many hours of parental notation, not supported by anything but emotions.

The greatest danger of nicotine contained in tobacco products is for the nervous system. This chemical compound easily depletes nerve cells, which is manifested by overwork, irritability, and excessive excitability. Young smokers are always nervous and irritable.
Suffer from smoking and basic mental processes. Memory is rapidly deteriorating, thinking also begins to malfunction. And the more a child smokes, the more clearly negative tendencies appear.
Another suffering side is the respiratory system. The respiratory organs, which are still imperfect, cannot process tobacco smoke and the tar, methane, and nitrogen contained in it. Most of these chemical compounds settle on the lungs, which provokes numerous colds. Then smoking adolescents begin to change their voice, shortness of breath and a barking cough appear.
Suffering from smoking and tooth enamel. You must have noticed that many smokers have yellow teeth. This is due to the temperature difference: the air inhaled by the child is colder than cigarette smoke, which leads to the destruction of tooth enamel.
A teenager who is addicted to cigarettes often worsens the condition of the skin. Numerous pimples pop up, the skin begins to shine. With excessive enthusiasm for this habit, a distinct yellowness of the skin and nails is observed.

Adults, upon discovering that their child smokes, most often react very sharply and impulsively, even if they themselves are heavy smokers. Consider the most common and controversial parental reactions to childhood smoking.

Advanced adults allow their offspring to smoke at home and even with them, arguing that they do not want him to puff on a cigarette somewhere along the doorways. Some children, embarrassed and feeling guilty, throw the pack away, while others perceive the permission as a guide to action and start smoking even more, gradually moving on to harder drugs.
The other extreme is to force the child to smoke the whole pack, so that he will literally feel sick afterwards even from the cigarette smell. On many forums you can find similar stories: "And my father made me smoke 20 cigarettes." However, for some reason such revelations are written by heavy smokers who continue to smoke. In addition, this method is simply dangerous for the health of the child, there is a high probability of acute intoxication of the body and even death.
Another method is prohibition. Parents, demanding to quit nicotine, forbid the teenager to communicate with the “bad” company, go out in general, deprive him of pocket money and other privileges. The most common child reaction to such a parental step is a demarche, a rebellion, that is, the child will do everything out of spite: “They oppress me - I will smoke even more!”

Of course, the possibility of getting a reaction from a teenager does not mean that adults should not try to solve the problems that have arisen. Just parents should be guided by common sense and respect the child's personality.

The statistics are relentless - most often children start smoking in those families in which one or both parents also like to smoke a cigarette. Therefore, the very first way to prevent this bad habit is your own parental example. Agree, it is useless and even immoral to talk about the dangers of smoking or undesirable consequences, holding a cigarette in your hand. What else needs to be done?

It would seem banal advice, but many parents neglect it. It sounds simple - try to spend more time with a teenager, more often and sincerely be interested in his successes and failures. Try to share his hobbies: if he loves cycling, keep him company. Of course, you should not try to replace your peers and become "one on the board", you must remain an authority.
So that the child does not say: “No one listens to me and respects me,” give him more freedom in choosing clothes, literature, musical preferences. So you reduce the risk of a bad habit due to teenage rebellion and the desire to act out of spite, showing your adulthood and independence.
If your child is unsure of himself and tends to act “for the company”, being a leader in life, try to teach him to defend his own point of view and have his own position. Explain that you should not be like peers, smoking because friends smoke cigarettes. After all, a mature person knows how to resist the opinion of the crowd.
Conversations about the dangers of nicotine should be started not in adolescence, but even in childhood, when kids first start asking questions about "smoking sticks", "rings of smoke coming from their uncle's mouth." Here it is important to observe moderation, that is, you do not need to brush off the curious toddler, but you should not intimidate him with scary stories and pictures. Consider the age of the child!

The best “vaccination” against smoking is sports.

First, the child develops a negative attitude towards cigarettes, which can destroy his sports career. Secondly, physical activity contributes to the production of endorphins - hormones of happiness, which also resemble a kind of drug, but, of course, are good for health. And, thirdly, sports activities accelerate physical development, so there is no need to show your adulthood with a cigarette.

What if a teenager starts smoking?

So, you found out that the child tried to smoke. What might be your reaction? Of course, this news will upset you, and it is even more likely that you will fall into irritation and even rage. The most common reaction is a quarrel, scandal, hysteria (if the mother starts the conversation), slaps and slaps. However, as psychologists assure, shouting will not help.

First of all, accept this news, try to “digest” it, calm down a little, and only then start talking with your offspring and thinking about what to do in such a situation. And in fact, there are a lot of options for behavior. The choice of the most suitable one depends on several factors: the characteristics of the teenager, the reasons for his action, the psychological atmosphere in the family. What to do if the child tried to smoke?

First of all, try to find out why he started smoking, what became the main motive for this behavior. However, it is important not only to get an answer from the child, but to find out whether he himself understands what caused smoking, how dangerous it is for his health.
No need to start a serious conversation with an appeal to his age, they say, "you are still too young to smoke and generally decide something." This is the most unproductive beginning of the conversation, as the child will start doing out of spite to prove his adulthood. On the contrary, talk to him like an adult, making arguments.
If the reason is the desire to appear more mature, then try to prove that this is possible without nicotine addiction. An example would be some authoritative character - a musician, actor or a great athlete who does not smoke and actively spreads about it.
If you yourself are constantly smoking, it is time to end your addiction to cigarettes. You can offer your child to do it together - quitting smoking is always easier in the company. Tell him that it is much easier to give up the habit at first, give examples of acquaintances who successfully coped with addiction, discuss that the unwillingness of adults to fight the habit shows a weakness of character.
Present reliable medical data that clearly show the dangers of nicotine for children's lungs and other organs. Watch documentaries, look at pictures (it is advisable to do without the "darkness"). The word "cancer" doesn't mean anything for children yet, so focus on the consequences for the vocal cords, skin, and tooth enamel.
If your child started smoking out of boredom, find something to do with him that will take up most of his free time, so that there will be no time for the desire to raise a cigarette. Be sure to find out what the teenager himself is interested in - for example, music, drawing. The best way out, as we wrote above, is to go in for sports, since athletes simply cannot smoke. And the time left from training can be spent on joint trips and travels.
Be sure to keep track of your offspring's friendships. However, you should not forbid seeing the company, otherwise you will achieve the opposite result. It is better to find out what attracts the child to communication with these specific children. By finding out why he strives specifically for them, you can direct his energy in the right direction and along the way change your behavior. It is no secret that it is parental employment that often pushes teenagers to try something new and the desire to stand out in the crowd of peers.
An alternative way is to give the teenager full responsibility for their own health. Did you know your child started smoking? Pretend you don't care and let him make the decision to smoke cigarettes. Usually, children, having heard such words from adults, almost immediately give up a bad habit, because now it has become permitted, open, which means that now this fruit is no longer so forbidden and sweet.
Analyze the family environment, since emotional distress in the home is often manifested by children's addiction to cigarettes. Even with an external gloss, the child feels his uselessness, dissatisfaction with his role in the cell of society. He probably started smoking or is just trying to smoke to get your attention. This is a kind of return to early childhood, when the baby is outrageous in order to stay longer with you.
If, after a constructive conversation, a teenager has promised to quit smoking, give full support. Regularly ask how he feels, if he wants to pick up a cigarette again. Encourage and praise your child for every day they go without nicotine. This is his and your small victory!
If none of the suggested recommendations help and you are afraid that the child may become addicted to more than just cigarettes, do not hesitate to seek qualified psychotherapeutic help. The psychologist will analyze your situation and give specific advice that is right for you. Just do everything carefully so that the child does not perceive your desire negatively.

Only a friendly attitude and your patience will help to find the right approach to a teenager who smokes. Refuse screams and scandals, punishments and curses, it is better to establish the cause, and then proceed to eliminate the consequences.

Hello, I'm Nadezhda Plotnikova. Having successfully studied at SUSU as a special psychologist, she devoted several years to working with children with developmental problems and advising parents on raising children. I apply the experience gained, among other things, in the creation of psychological articles. Of course, by no means do I pretend to be the ultimate truth, but I hope that my articles will help dear readers deal with any difficulties.

For some reason, it is considered the most cardinal and effective method for the older generation to make a teenager smoke several cigarettes in a row in order to cause him a physiological aversion to smoking. Let's say right away that the method is not only not effective, but also very dangerous for the health of a teenager. He, after such humiliation, often in spite of the "ancestors" does not stop smoking. And for some reason, parents don’t think that intoxication of a teenager’s body caused by such a “horse” dose of nicotine can seriously damage his health, or even cause death,
Some, when a teenager starts smoking, use another, they believe, more democratic method - they allow the teenager to smoke at home. However, sometimes this method works. The child is embarrassed to smoke at home and stops doing it. But this does not always happen. Most often, a teenager perceives the permission to smoke at home as his small victory in the struggle for independence, and continues to smoke. So, even this method will not be 100% successful,
And an absolutely hopeless method is simply to prohibit a teenager from smoking. Moreover, not just to ban, but with swearing, shouting and threats. In addition to this categorical prohibition of smoking, he is not allowed to communicate with friends who may involve him in smoking. Parents limit his freedom, forbidding him to leave the house, do not give pocket money, deprive him of some entertainment. And the reaction to such a demarche is predictable. In adolescence, the child has a heightened sense of independence, he considers himself already quite adult and able to make decisions independently. And in protest against such unfair, as he believes, restrictions, the teenager will only become embittered and will try in any way not to obey the prohibitions. And it is unrealistic to trace whether these prohibitions are violated.

Find out why a teenager started smoking

Before asking yourself the question of what to do if a teenager starts smoking, you need to calm down. Usually, having learned that their offspring smokes, parents are stunned, and in the first minutes they are not able to soberly assess the situation. Having calmed down, you need to talk with a teenager, without shouting and threatening, and find out what is the reason that he started smoking. Perhaps the child himself will not be able to clearly articulate why he reached for cigarettes. But if parents, calmly talking to a teenager as an adult, try to find out why he began to smoke, from his, albeit vague answers, they will understand why this happened. There are not so many reasons why a teenager starts smoking:

The friends in whose company he spends his free time smoke and he does not want to be the "black sheep" among them,
He just wanted to experiment and understand how adults feel when they smoke. Sometimes teenagers carry out such experiments out of boredom, they have nothing to do, so they experiment,
He wants to appear more mature to himself and to those around him. Usually, this happens when the family constantly emphasizes that he is still a child, and then he can’t and that’s impossible. The natural desire of children to grow up faster, it seems to them that adult life is much easier, since, they believe, there are fewer prohibitions and restrictions in it,
The desire to attract the attention of mom and dad, just like a small child begins to act up or break something so that they pay attention to him. Usually, this situation develops in families that are outwardly prosperous and wealthy, but in which the older generation does not have enough time or desire to communicate with their offspring. Parental love and care is limited to the fact that he is full, shod, dressed (and no worse than others), and there is no time to talk with a teenager.

To properly respond to a particular negative situation, you need to understand the psychology of a teenager.

What to do if a teenager started smoking, the right decisions

What decisions to make and actions to take for parents when they find out that their son (or daughter) started smoking depends largely on the clarified reason for such an act, as well as the nature of the teenager, and to some extent, on the psychological atmosphere in the family.

If it turns out that a teenager started smoking in order to be like everyone else in his smoking company, you need to convincingly prove to him that being like everyone else is not such a big virtue. To have your own opinion on some issue and firmly defend it, this is precisely the indicator of adulthood. And instead of ridicule "weakling, you can't smoke", his refusal to smoke will only cause the respect of his friends. To prove to him convincingly, with examples about famous people, that a bright individuality, dissimilarity to others, is welcomed among adults.
The easiest option is if a teenager smokes out of boredom, out of nothing to do, just wanting to experiment. Keep your child busy with something interesting for him. It is best to enroll him in some kind of sports section, but, of course, taking into account his desire. Sports discourage any desire to smoke, however, he himself will understand that sports and smoking are incompatible. And as for experiments, with a slight irony, talk to him about the fact that experiment is different from experiment. After all, no one experiments, for example, by tasting poisons or jumping from the sixth floor to test how you feel. Tell your young experimenter that some experiments don't end well.
If a teenager smokes in order to seem more mature to himself and others, then you need to talk with him about the fact that smoking is not the most successful indicator of growing up. That growing up is not some kind of external habit, but the ability to make the right decisions and be responsible for them. One can cite as an example some famous people who are known to a teenager, who not only do not smoke, but are also fierce opponents of smoking. In general, to prove that smoking and adulthood are in no way connected with each other.
And the way to attract the attention of parents by starting to smoke suggests that the teenager simply does not have enough of their attention. Perhaps, until that time, they thought that the situation in the family was the most normal: parents work, a son or daughter studies, there is prosperity in the family, everything seems to be in order. But it is the lack of communication that often leads to the fact that a teenager starts smoking. Think over and carry out some joint family activities, but so that they are also interesting for a teenager. Talk to him, and not just about his homework and grades. Ask what he is interested in, what kind of relationship he has at school, perhaps he has problems in relations with comrades or teachers. You can talk about some of your interesting school events. In a word, do not leave your child alone with the school and the street, become not only advisers to him, but also support.
And, of course, you need to tell your child about the dangers of smoking. But not from our adult point of view. Needless to say that a gram of nicotine kills a horse or that smoking leads to cancer, such consequences of smoking will not scare your child, children's perception is far from such vague prospects of nicotine addiction. Tell him, with convincing evidence, that nicotine addiction during adolescence slows or even stops growth, badly affects the skin (pimples appear), will turn yellow and will hurt the teeth. Directly tell him: “Do you want to become a little pimply person with a dull face and rotten teeth?”. These are the prospects of close communication with cigarettes that can make a teenager think and give up this bad habit.

A trusting relationship with parents is the main weapon in the fight against any bad habits of a growing child. A teenager must be firmly convinced that he can turn to his father and mother with any of his problems or troubles, and will not hear instruction, reprimand or abuse in response. That they will help, deal with the problem, eliminate the consequences of any unpleasant situation, support not only with advice, but also with deed. Having built such trusting relationships with younger family members, parents will not have to panic, “grab their heads” and decide what to do if a teenager starts smoking.

A teenager is what you do with him... And the behavior during adolescence, when a child becomes simply unbearable, harmful and uncontrollable, is provoked by us, dphjckst. It's time to figure out what mom and dad are doing wrong, and then you won't have to drink Corvalol after parental meetings and tear your hair on your head.

So, you have been raising your baby for a long time. At first, this little lump snuggled up to you every minute. At the time, he needed it. Physically and energetically. Dad and mom are heroes, main defenders, entertainers, buyers, substitutes for everything and everything.

New heroes began to appear in the older group of the kindergarten: Mitya's father - he is a motorcyclist, Spider-Man - he is cool, Ivan Petrovich - he is my coach. You have already gradually become heroes one-tenth less. Did not notice? OK.

Moving on, elementary school. Now the main ones are the teacher, friend Seryozhka, friend Masha! Mom and dad do not know how to pass the level in Minecraft and how the kitten laughs on the phone. Mom and dad only want good grades and strictly control it. But laughing together was no longer so important. Not so quivering are hugs. And not so often you want this, as in three years. You parents are only half heroes.

And then comes the 5-6th grade, 10-11 years old. The child begins to understand that the world is huge and unknown. There is only one hero "half": mom or dad. This is fine. The world is not enough for two. And the invisible umbilical cord that binds you and the baby is getting longer and more transparent. There is a desire to show or hide your world: scream about yourself or withdraw.

But you, dear parents, are not yet ready for this. It is they who grow slowly for you, but for themselves they grow quickly. And then comes the nasty, nasty and military puberty.

Nikitka began to snarl, I can't force him to do anything.

Yesterday Sasha disrupted the lesson!

Sonechka was such a nice child, now she argues to the point of hoarseness.

I can’t drive to swim and brush my teeth, just with a fight!

Danil told me that he hates me, it's a nightmare!

And now let's take a look at why this happens and why a teenager is a reflection of our actions.

If the child did not have the so-called difficult, adolescence period, then you have correctly formed a relationship with him.

First: the child does not rebel, he asks you to refuse sanctions

Imagine your Masha, Dasha, Arishka or Yegorka is a new huge republic. In the head - the government, young, inexperienced, but terrible smart. And this republic is part of your country. Yes, yes, you are a hypothetical PAPAMAMALANDIA. Anything before that doesn't count. You yourself raised the republic and gave it rights and laws. The laws are general. You still think that a child has no rights, but only responsibilities. The child has already given himself rights. And there's nothing to be done. You defended him, you said out loud: “Yes, the teacher has no right to say that, who invented it to mock children like that, the child is a person!” We do not discuss now what is right and what is not. Rights received. On one's own. Because it is important for a child of 12-15 years old.

And what is happening in this new republic in a huge country? The Republic is trying to live. As he knows how, as he was taught before, and he does something contrary, in a different way, he comes up with new laws and shouts about rights. What do the celestials (i.e. parents) do? They have lived their lives, they know a lot, they are always right.

Everything has been built in a big country, and you are still building.
In a big country there is a law, and you are breaking it.
In a large country, everyone has calmed down: no need to get enough sleep at night and tear all your strength to draw wall newspapers for school, no need to compete, as in elementary school.

And then there's the riot! And the main ones impose harsh sanctions: the republic is still small, but it has so much to develop, it does not have time, it will not succeed, it must be fenced off, taken away, banned. We have all learned history. What will happen next? Revolution.

How to(should): accept the new government with its great potential. I'll tell you a secret: most adults are no smarter than teenagers, because the accumulated internal barriers often prevent them from living on their own. And these gestalts are automatically transferred to children. Yes, we are limited, deal with it. Experience is not always a guarantee of wisdom. Your own republic has chamomile fields of opportunity! There is not yet this “I know how this will end!”, There is “I wonder how this can end?”, And there are always millions of options.

I want to clarify that we are not talking about potentially dangerous things in the life of a teenager (we strictly and immediately limit this). Let the realization come that the five-year-old kissing you every minute is no more. And if not, you need to change yourself, not the child! It's not us who have changed. It is he who has changed. It is difficult for him, he does not understand, sometimes it hurts him. And, no matter how he shouts and quarrels with you, do not impose sanctions, expand his republic within yourself.

Second: if a teenager freaks out, conflicts with you ... it means that he lacks your love!

Most parents believe that it is important for a child to be understood. The teenager shouts: “Yes, you don’t need to understand me, love me the way I am, I don’t understand myself either.”

The roles have already changed, but you did not notice.

Now he communicates with you like an adult. And let the father scream in his hearts that something has grown, but the brains do not. Everything has grown. Little is left of the child.
Rethink your roles in the family. If something could be allowed with a ten-year-old, now it’s impossible! Do you remember how six years ago you squatted down to talk to your crying daughter? Now you should do the same, only communicate in the role of "adult - adult".
When a child freaks out, he tries to shout: “I have changed, love me in a new way!” It means that