Interesting Facts 

How to remove the heartache from love. How to deal with mental pain? Where do emotional upheavals come from?

If you ask a villager how to cope with mental pain after a difficult event, he will advise you to get down to business. There is work - there is no time to think. If you ask the same question to a Buddhist monk, he will recommend meditation, spiritual development. A mother of many children will say that the child will cure the inner emptiness. The rich man will answer that purchases or promising investments will save him. The volunteer will confidently declare that only selfless kindness will relieve sorrow. Each has its own method.

Are there universal ways to get rid of mental pain? It turns out that yes.

Jump from the past to the future

There is no point in dwelling on a problem from the past. If something bad, irreparable happened, then it is better to accept this difficulty, comprehend it once, and then let it go forever. Instead of reliving a difficult moment in your thoughts over and over again, it would be good to think about your future. Several topics can be considered:

  • whether this complexity will be important in a year, 5, 10, 20 years;
  • how to continue to build life, taking into account the events experienced;
  • what kind of people do you want to see around;
  • what dreams seem the most real, interesting, how to realize them;
  • how to set clear goals, achieve your goals;
  • what to do for your future today;
  • who can be in 10 years and how.

It would seem that thoughts about the future will not make a person happy, because it is important to live today. However, if you think about it, the answers to most of these questions will require action in the near future. Dreams, goals, ambitions, expectations are the future, but the steps to get them are the present.

Get rid of physical reminders

Things of former partners, deceased relatives, old correspondence, newspaper clippings about other people's victories, instead of their own - all this makes me sad. Moreover, even gifts, once pleasant photos can hurt. If you want to forget a person or an event, it's time to take up the cleaning, take out the old trash.

It is better not to distribute these things to loved ones, as bad energy is already associated with them. According to psychologists, burning will be a good option. It is important to mentally say goodbye to each subject. One can imagine how the threads are torn one by one, connecting with someone or something unpleasant from the past.

Stop blaming anyone

Why is it better to let go of resentment towards others, to forgive yourself? If a person does not do this, he:

  • obsessed with the problem, “gets stuck” in it;
  • ceases to notice the good around him;
  • begins to ignore, launch its own future;
  • moves away from loved ones, depriving himself of their support, help;
  • constantly experiencing negative emotions;
  • more often suffers from diseases of psychosomatics, neurology, from colds, as immunity is reduced due to stress;
  • changes outwardly for the worse;
  • deprives himself of happiness, the chance to get it, to keep it.

What is done cannot be returned, but you can forgive yourself. If the feeling of guilt gnaws more and more, it is better to come up with an unusual “punishment”. Positive, focused on helping others, nature, yourself. For example, charitable donations, building a house, avoiding obscene words, smoking or alcohol, etc. Why is this considered a punishment? Because it is difficult to fulfill it, but then it will be easier to forgive yourself.

If another person is to blame, it is advisable to let go of resentment against him. Such a decision will help to breathe with ease, because hidden evil is a heaviness. In addition, no one canceled karma, the boomerang rule, the universal balance and God's punishment.

Treat everything as an experience

Having solved the problem once, a person will be easier, faster to cope with similar or similar difficulties in the future. However, this will require the ability to translate your mistakes, life's difficulties into useful experience. How to do it?

For example, a girl recently experienced a breakup with her beloved boyfriend. She cannot or does not consider it necessary to return her ex-fiance, but she is still suffering from mental pain. In order to turn the bad into the valuable, she will need to honestly, deliberately answer a few questions:

  • what was done wrong, what is the main reason for the break, what are the additional ones;
  • whether it was possible to correct the situation at any stage, how, if so, and why, if not;
  • is the ex-boyfriend really the man you need;
  • what was good in the relationship, for which you can and should say “thank you”;
  • whether there was influence from a third party or the snag was only a couple;
  • how to change your negative traits to please “that guy”;
  • which should never be repeated in the future;
  • what good the breakup gave (freedom, security, stress relief, for example).

By analogy, these questions can be easily modified for other situations. For example, “Why did I get fired, is it my fault?” “What can be done to win the next competition? etc.

Pay attention to your speech

Not only thoughts, but also words are material. If a happy person constantly utters the phrases “I don’t want to live”, “I’m tired”, “Life is unfair”, then soon he will really feel bad. The brain perceives such phrases as instructions and, in accordance with them, gives signals to the whole organism.

For the same reason, it is desirable to say good words more often - from the elementary “Good morning”, “Thank you” to “Life is beautiful!”.

Find a Teacher

In nature, society, there is nothing that would be completely unique. The same difficulties happen to different people at different times. If your situation seems hopeless, it is better to try to find a person who has already gone through this, ask him for advice. You can search for recommendations:

  • in the circle of relatives, friends, their acquaintances;
  • on forums of topics of interest;
  • on the official pages of psychologists, psychotherapists, rhythmologists, similar specialists;
  • in groups of social networks;
  • at meetings, peaceful meetings devoted to the necessary issue;
  • believers, but not fanatical people.

Sometimes a completely stranger becomes a Teacher, but his advice is the most valuable.

Don't push away random joys

Delving into the problem, experiences, a person begins to ignore everything that is happening around. After the breakup, the girl does not see the loving eyes of the neighbor guy looking at her. An employee who is not accepted for a vacancy he is interested in does not even open the mail, although other profitable offers have already accumulated there. A man who lost his wife in a car accident grieves, not noticing how his little daughter is preparing breakfast, trying to replace her mother, to get her father's attention.

Even after the most severe loss, life goes on. Sometimes it's better to give yourself and others a chance - go on a new date, look at another job, have fun with a loving child.

Consider other areas of life

Main areas of life:

  • family;
  • Love;
  • Job;
  • self-development - spiritual, intellectual, moral, etc.;
  • material aspect;
  • hobbies, interests;
  • health;
  • status, importance, popularity in society.

If the problem occurs in one of these areas, the other eight must not be forgotten. Perhaps it makes sense to take a breather in some area, even let it go with the flow, switch to other options. Then there will be a chance that the problem will disappear on its own along with. Employment in any field will leave no room for negative thoughts.

These tips will help you deal with mental pain. However, it will be impossible to say goodbye to a heavy inner feeling forever without appropriate efforts. A person who wants to regain his joy can only achieve this by going through changes within himself or in his environment. Any changes require a sincere desire, strength, so you have to try hard for your own happiness. But isn't it worth it?

For most conscious people, the spiritual path is the path of exposing all the ideals and moral pillars of the personality, especially in the first years of their practices. This is the path of passing through repressed fears and painful tensions, this is the path of overcoming and winning over oneself. Sometimes people perceive pain as a burden, as something obligatory, something without which they cannot succeed. Sometimes they crowd it out with their reflections on the "importance and value" of the traumatic event. And in this lies self-deception, that if you treat yourself cruelly and ruthlessly, you will become better.

No matter how advanced, enlightened, mentally and spiritually developed we are, sooner or later a situation arises that hurts us or about which we get hurt. Emotionally, physically... Not the point. And this may be, in the opinion of other people, the most complete stupidity, not worth anything at all, but it hurts you. And it is not always possible to do something about the situation that has become a source of pain. And at such moments it is important not to bite yourself for the fact that it hurts you because of such a “trifle”, and that these experiences - so “childish”, so “wrong” - were seen by others. When it hurts and there is fear, but you can’t talk about it openly, then it hurts many times more. It is important for each of us to know what is happening to us. We make our lives easier this way.

Any pain can be overcome. But it is impossible to survive it alone. It is important to acknowledge that you are in pain - and to seek comfort if you cannot comfort yourself. And the consolation is not in “yes, it’s okay, it doesn’t hurt that much, it will heal before the wedding”, but in “alas, it happens, dude, and I really sympathize with you.” It is very difficult to sympathize with yourself - and with that little child in us who is now feeling bad ... Wrinkling your nose and turning away from yourself - so confused and "pathetic" - is as easy as shelling pears.

So a child, falling from a run to the ground, cries, and needs to be hugged and said: “Yes, it hurts and is unpleasant to fall from a run to the ground.” And if he stumbles upon the debriefing “where were you looking?” and “I told you to be careful!” - he will close, feel loneliness and fear. Refuses to act, to study this world. Before his experiences, he will give in, be nervous. Will be afraid of the manifestation of other people's emotions in any form, will not be able to listen to other people's experiences, falling into aggression or depression. Especially if the child had to listen to the emotions of his own mother (which is unbearable for a child of any gender). It will be difficult for him to experience the emotional manifestations of his own children. This causes simply unbearable pain, and I want to shut up the source of this pain at any cost.

Emotions are a kind of by-product of life, they should be lived and released, and not accumulated inside yourself.

Otherwise, minute irritability will become a constant aggressive background. What happens if you do not go to the toilet for a very long time for ethical reasons? Approximately, the same will happen with a person who cannot release "digested" emotions from his own heart.

It is important to learn to see the boundaries of your pain as a wound that hurts. At first, it seems that nothing can be done. Then, when time passes, if you give yourself such an opportunity, the wound slowly begins to heal. The scar remains, and at some point it will hurt just like on the first day. But we learn to live with pain, we know the scars on our bodies and in our souls. And every time we are thrown back, we already have experience of how we deal with it. It is very important that you have experience and have memories that you can handle it.

In order to develop harmoniously, inside it is necessary to free yourself from the burden of emotions in a timely manner, so it will be easier to move forward. Otherwise, emotions, like ballast, will prevent you from moving on. So that there is no feeling that this should not be felt, in this place feelings should only be like that, but this is generally prohibited. In order not to waste energy on pretending that you do not feel what you feel, or feel what you really do not feel. To be sincere with yourself and understand yourself.

It happens when the earth leaves from under the feet from the loss of a loved one: separation, illness, death. A special world has been built with this person. How to live if the world will not be the same? How to ease the heartache, if the relationship dear to the heart is not revived? Maybe be patient and wait?

The bad has already happened. The misfortune happened not in the movies, but in real life. ?

Time cures?

It happens when the earth leaves from under the feet from the loss of a loved one: separation, illness, death. A special world has been built with this person. The heart stores experiences from a joint move to a new apartment, the birth of children or walks in the park. You remember with what expression he rejoices, sad or grumbles. You know how many sugar cubes he likes to add to his tea. And suddenly the usual way is crossed out.

How to live if the world will not be the same? How to appease if the relationship dear to the heart is not revived? Maybe be patient and wait? Training by Yuri Burlan "Systemic Vector Psychology" offers another way - to understand the causes of mental pain and with the help of psychoanalysis.

The word is first aid

Even years after the departure of a loved one, it can be painful to reread the letters addressed to you, in which he shared his innermost experiences. At best, the pain of separation - or betrayal, violence - dulls over the years. But liberation from emotional suffering does not have to wait passively. Just the opposite. For the treatment of pain from a spiritual wound, time is not worth wasting.

First aid for severe mental shock is to speak out.

There is an opinion that when a person has experienced stress, he should be left alone with his feelings and “not reopen the wound.” In fact, to cope with mental pain, you need to immediately start talking with a loved one about what happened. Do not close emotions in yourself, do not hold back tears, do not suppress painful experiences. And do not ignore any painful memory.

If emotional suffering is associated with the fact that a person can no longer be returned, it is advisable to discuss as many happy moments and feelings associated with him as possible. Talk about his achievements and virtues. Such memories will smooth out the bitterness of loss, making room for light sadness.

It is important to speak out as soon as possible after a traumatic event, otherwise negative experiences will be forced into the unconscious. If this happens, it will be more difficult to cope with mental pain later.

It is important to observe safety precautions. Approach with seriousness the choice of a person for a sincere conversation. Make sure that he takes care of your emotions, heartache.

This method can be regarded as first aid, like artificial respiration. When this tool from the psychological "first aid kit" has completed its task, a person needs a resource in order to live on.

How to live on?

People can experience a difficult situation in different ways, and the consequences of loss manifest themselves differently depending on the characteristics of the human psyche.

    Emotional suffering

There are people for whom breaking an emotional connection is especially painful. System-vector psychology defines them as representatives.


Emotions are important for people with this type of psyche. In one hour, they can experience the whole gamut of experiences from fear to love. They seek to build emotional ties with people with whom they can exchange hidden feelings or give the warmth of the soul.

The loss of emotional connections makes their soul hurt. Due to unbearable suffering, visual people after an experienced trauma can close, avoid further expression of feelings. This is how they lead themselves into a trap. After all, then they do not fully realize the abilities inherent in nature, which means that they also lose the ability to experience the joy of life to a large extent.

It happens the other way around, when because of emotional pain it is difficult for them to cope with emotions. Hold back your feelings. Sobs roll over, the reality is hardly realized from emotional overexcitation. From such splashes, the hands are shaking, the head is broken. Instead, emptiness and longing come.

Such conditions may be the result of fear. It serves as the starting point of development for all people with a visual vector. Normally, in an adult, the emotion of fear is redirected into empathy, but in situations of severe stress, it happens that the usual response skills are washed away by a wave of a broken dam. Then the root fear of death can be exposed. It is not always realized and can be expressed at the level of psychosomatics, including panic attacks.

    Guilt

This state is caused by the peculiarities of the psyche of the anal vector. Friendship and family for such people is sacred. If they are sure that they hurt a loved one, they reproach themselves greatly for it. Self-criticism is fueled by the innate tenacious memory of the anal vector. It firmly fixes the details of the past, even if you don’t want to remember them at all. What if there is no way to fix the past? A person can get stuck in a state of guilt for a long time and not know how to build his life further. The situation will change if you find a way to make amends by caring for those who need it.

    Loneliness

Proofreader: Natalya Konovalova

The article was written based on the materials of the training " System-Vector Psychology»

Sometimes we love a person so much that it leaves deep wounds in our soul. The pain of being rejected is nothing less than the physical pain. And it doesn't really matter if your boyfriend suggested breaking up after a long relationship, or if a new acquaintance refused to go on a date with you. Healing spiritual wounds is a very long process, but you need to gather your strength and go on a long journey to a renewed self.

Steps

Part 1

Give yourself time

  1. Allow yourself to feel sadness. Heart wounds are always painful. You cannot ignore the fact that your experiences are causing you pain. This means that you must give yourself time to process the emotions that come with the pain. With these feelings, your brain is literally telling you how badly what happened hurt you. There is no need to artificially suppress these emotions in yourself.

    • Create a healing space. You need time and space to process your emotions and give vent to your bitter feelings. When you feel emotional pain, try to find a quiet place where you can cope with the wave of emotions that overwhelmed you. Sometimes it’s enough to go for a walk, retire to your room or just make yourself a cup of aromatic tea.
    • When a person experiences mental pain, he goes through certain stages of this process, during which he experiences such feelings as anger, pain, grief, anxiety, fear and acceptance of what happened. Sometimes you may feel like you are literally drowning in your own emotions, but if you can determine exactly how you go through each stage of the experience, this will help you experience the healing process easier and a little faster.
    • Try not to drown in your despair. There is a clear difference between simply giving yourself time to process your emotions and being completely overwhelmed by them. If you find yourself staying home for weeks, forgetting to take a shower, and life seems meaningless to you, you should seek professional psychological help as soon as possible. These are signs that the grief process is too difficult for you to handle on your own.

  2. Live for today. If you want to deal with all emotions at once and get rid of heartache immediately, you are probably setting yourself an impossible task. Instead, move from one stage to the next gradually, and always live for today.

    • A good way to focus on a particular moment in your life is to try to live for today. When you catch yourself on the fact that your thoughts again and again return to the past, stop yourself. Look around: what do you see now? what smell do you smell? What color is the sky above your head? what are your fingers touching? and the wind blows in your face?
    • Don't start coming up with a grand plan to get over the person who broke your heart. On the contrary, if you focus on how to deal with your grief, it will happen by itself.

  3. Indifference. When a relationship ends or you are rejected, you will probably feel like there is a huge hole inside of you all of a sudden. A huge black hole that consumes all the happiness from your life. At this point, many people make the mistake of trying to immediately fill this hole with something, because they are unable to bear this painful sensation. Yes, this feeling causes you great pain, and you have the right to feel empty inside.

    • Create a space for yourself where your ex isn't. Delete his phone number and you won't be able to text him when you've had too much to drink. Put him on the "black list" in all social networks, otherwise you will find out at one fine moment that you are looking at new photos in his account all night long. Don't ask mutual friends how your ex is doing. The more clearly you understand that the breakup has finally occurred, the easier it will be for you to heal after it.
    • Don't try to immediately fill the void left by broken love. This is one of the most common mistakes people make when trying to heal their emotional wounds. When you try to immediately start a new relationship in order to stop feeling pain and fill the void left by the previous feeling, it does not really help you go through the necessary stages of coping with the loss. Your unlived negative feelings will return to you sooner or later, but they will become even stronger and more painful.

  4. Tell about it. You need to make sure you have reliable support to deal with the pain. The solid support of your friends and family, and even your therapist, will get you back on your feet sooner than anything else. Of course, close people will not fill the void that a loved one has left in your soul, but they can help you deal with this void better.

    • Find a close friend or relative with whom you can talk about your feelings, especially on long, lonely evenings. Try to find a person, or several people, who can give you emotional support to make up for the loss of support you received from your partner in an ending relationship. Ask your friends for permission to call them every time you feel an irresistible urge to talk to the person you are trying to get rid of feelings for now.
    • A diary can be incredibly helpful in this situation. This is not only a good way to let your feelings out, especially if you don't want to dump all the burden of your suffering on your friends, it is also an effective tool that allows you to evaluate the progress you have made. After rereading old records, you suddenly realize that now you are much less likely to think about your ex or notice that you want to go on dates again (Actually, and not just to "fill the void left inside left by broken love").
    • Sometimes you may need to talk with a psychologist or psychotherapist. There is no shame in seeking professional help!

  5. Get rid of things that trigger memories. If you are constantly bumping into objects that evoke memories of past love, it will only slow down your healing process. Don't keep old house pants that your ex used to wear after work in the closet, get rid of this stuff.

    • There is no need to ritually burn everything that reminds you of past relationships, especially if these things can be given to people who need them. But you absolutely must remove these things from your life, one way or another. Also, depending on how bad your breakup was, the ritual burning of things can unleash a flurry of feelings that were previously locked in your heart.
    • Take a thing and try to remember what exactly you associate with it. Then imagine that you have placed these memories in a balloon. When you get rid of the thing, imagine that the ball flies far, far away and will never bother you again.
    • If you still have valuables in good condition, you can donate them to charity. In this case, you can imagine how much joy this thing will bring to the new owner.

  6. Help other people. If you start helping others, especially those who are experiencing the same feelings as you, you can take your mind off your own experiences. It also means that you are not drowning in your own suffering and self-pity.

    • Take the time to listen to your friends and help them if they are having difficulty. Don't just focus on your own heartache. Tell your friends that they can always count on you to listen and help if they need it.
    • Get involved in volunteer work. Find a job at a homeless shelter or charity canteen. Offer your help at rehabilitation centers or animal shelters.

  7. Give free rein to your imagination. You will imagine how your ex came back to you and talks about how stupid he was for letting you leave. You can imagine in detail how you hug and kiss this person, imagine in detail your intimacy. Such fantasies are completely normal.

    • The more you try to stop your imagination, the more often such thoughts will come to your mind. When you try not to think about something, especially if you have imposed this severe restriction on yourself, in fact, you think only about it all the time.
    • Set aside special times when you allow yourself to fantasize, so you don't spend all your time in an imaginary world. For example, you can give yourself 15 minutes a day to think about how your ex wants to be with you again. If these thoughts occur to you at another time, put them aside until the time slot for fantasy comes. You don't refuse to think about it, you just put it off until later.

    Part 2

    Beginning the healing process

    1. Avoid anything that triggers memories. If you have already gotten rid of all the things that trigger memories, as described in the first part of the article, this will help you avoid such moments. However, there are other things that you should keep in mind. Of course, you won't be able to avoid them completely, but at least try not to specifically look for them. This will help you recover faster.

      • The reason could be anything from the song that played on your first date to the little coffee shop where you spent so much time together studying for your exams. It might even be a smell.
      • You may encounter this even when you don't expect it at all. If this happened, determine what exactly triggered your memories, and what kind of memories this factor caused. Then try to switch to something else. No need to linger on these feelings and memories. For example, when you stumble upon a shared photo on Facebook, admit to yourself that you feel sad and sorry about it, and then try to think of something positive, or at least neutral. You might think about a new dress you will wear tomorrow, or that it would be nice to have a kitten.
      • This does not mean that you should do your best to avoid such moments that provoke memories. You won't be able to do this. All you have to do is just try to avoid the things that hurt you and make you regret the past as little as possible. You need your spiritual wounds to heal.

    2. Good music will help you heal faster. It has been proven that music can have a therapeutic effect and help speed up the healing process. Listen to upbeat, energetic songs. Scientific studies have shown that when you listen to such music, endorphins are released in your body, which help you perk up and fight stress.

      • Try not to include sentimental, romantic love songs. This kind of music will not help release endophins in your brain. On the contrary, such songs will only increase your sadness and disturb your spiritual wounds.
      • When you find that sad feelings are flooding back into you, it's time to turn on energetic music to perk up. If you turn on dance music, you can get endorphins from listening to upbeat music and energetic dance moves at the same time.

    3. Take a break from heartache. After you have passed the initial stage, when you gave yourself the opportunity to grieve and cope with your emotions, it is time to take your mind off the unpleasant thoughts. When you start thinking about your ex, do something, try to switch your thoughts to something else, come up with some new activity for yourself, etc.

      • Call those friends who said you can always count on them if you need help. Read the book you've been wanting to read for a long time. Put on some hilarious comedy (and get an added bonus because laughter helps you get well).
      • The more you do to not think about the past and about your mental suffering, the faster you will feel better. Of course it's difficult. It is very difficult to control your thoughts all the time and keep track of how much time you spend thinking about your heartache.
      • Try not to get carried away with "painkillers." It may be something that allows you to stop feeling pain for a while. Sometimes you really need something to give yourself a break from the heartache. However, be careful that these distractions don't hurt you, especially in the beginning when you need to learn how to deal with negative experiences. This "pain reliever" can be alcohol or drugs, but it can also be continuous TV viewing or a constant presence on the Internet. Or even the food you eat just to feel calmer.

    4. Change your lifestyle. One of the problems that you face is that the habitual way of life that was formed when you were together was suddenly destroyed. If you start doing something new and change your habitual lifestyle, this will open the door to new habits. There will be no place in your new life for the person who broke your heart.

      • You don't need to drastically change your life to get rid of old habits. Do simple things like go shopping on Saturday morning instead of lying in bed; try listening to a new style of music, or discover a new hobby like karate or flower gardening.
      • Try not to make radical changes in your life before you have carefully weighed the pros and cons. Especially try to avoid drastic changes at the beginning, immediately after the breakup. If enough time has passed and you want to show that you are really changing, then it's time to get something like a new tattoo or shave your hair bald.
      • If you have the opportunity to take a short vacation, go on a trip. Even if you take a weekend trip to some new city for you, it will help you take a fresh look at what happened.

    5. Don't interfere with your own healing. Of course, there are relapses from time to time when you're trying to bounce back from a failed relationship. This is normal, this is also part of the healing process. But there are some things that you can foresee and thereby prevent them from throwing you back in your movement towards a new life.

      • Pay attention to the words you usually use. When you say "Awesome!" or "Terrible" or "Nightmare!", you continue to see the world in black. This creates negative thinking. If you can't think positively, at least try to stick to neutral terms. For example, instead of saying, "It's over forever!", say, "This breakup was very painful for me, but I'll do my best to get through it."
      • Try not to embarrass yourself. You don't have to drive past your ex's house every night to see if he's found a date. Try not to call or text your ex while you're drinking. These things only keep you from moving forward.
      • Remember that everything changes in this world. Your feelings today will be very different in a week, a month or a year. We promise that there will come a time when you will be able to calmly remember this period of your life without experiencing pain.

    Part 3

    Accept what happened

    1. Stop blaming. An important part of your healing and acceptance of what happened is to understand that it is useless to blame yourself or another person. What happened happened, so you can no longer do or say something to change what happened, so what's the use of blaming.

      • Try to find good feelings towards the other person. No matter what he did or didn't do, try to find compassion in your heart for him and what is happening to him. This does not mean that you should immediately forgive him, it only means that you will stop being angry with the person.
      • On the other hand, don't blame yourself for everything. You can acknowledge and reflect on what exactly you did wrong in previous relationships and promise yourself that you won't repeat past mistakes in the future. But don't waste time reliving your own missteps over and over again.

    2. Feel when you are ready to move forward. It takes different times for people to heal from heartache. It is impossible to name a specific period of time that you will need, but there are signs by which you can determine that you are moving in the right direction.

      • You no longer worry if you find several missed calls from an unknown number on your phone.
      • You no longer visualize the scene that your ex comes back to you and begs you for forgiveness on his knees.
      • You no longer find associations with your life in films and songs about unhappy love. You notice that now you like to read and listen to things that have nothing to do with this topic.

    3. Try to understand who you really are. There is one thing that usually goes unnoticed while you are in a relationship with someone, and during the first stage of grief after the end of that relationship. This is the ability to be yourself. For a long time you felt like a part of your couple, and then - someone who grieves for a lost relationship.

      • Work on your personal development, both external and internal. Go in for sports or change your appearance. These things are great for boosting self-esteem, which must have suffered during a breakup. Determine which personality traits you need to work on. For example, if you tend to be passive-aggressive when you're in a bad mood, try to work on finding healthier ways to express your anger.
      • Develop character traits that reflect your uniqueness. When you're spending all your time with another person or trying to deal with the aftermath of a breakup, you tend to pay less attention to your personal interests. Try to reconnect with the people you didn't have time to communicate with during the period of the relationship and after the breakup, and again do what you are really interested in.
      • Try something new. This can help you meet new people who have never met the person who broke your heart. Learning new things can help your brain take its mind off the heartache and start living in the present.

    4. Try not to go back to the past. You do not want to interfere with the process of healing from spiritual wounds, so do not do anything that will provoke your mental suffering again. Sometimes this cannot be completely avoided, but you can try to keep the risk to a minimum.

      • Don't let this person come into your life too soon, or at all. You will only inflame your own spiritual wounds and feel your unhappiness with the same sharpness. Sometimes it's impossible to be friends with an ex.
      • If you still did it, don't despair. The work that you have done to heal from spiritual wounds has not been in vain. You will still win. Do not give up. When it comes to relationships, everyone has experienced relapses of heartache in one way or another.

    5. Do what brings you joy. When you do something that brings you joy and happiness, you cause a rise in dopamine levels in the brain. This is a chemical that helps a person feel happy and deal with stress (its level can rise to a critical level after a breakup).

      • Do things that don't evoke memories of your past. Start doing something new or go back to the hobbies you gave up when you were in a relationship.
      • Learn to be happy. People are more willing to communicate with those who are happy, because happy people help others feel happy too. Of course, you can't force yourself to feel happy all the time, but try to do the things that bring you joy and live the life that makes you feel happy.
      • Reward yourself for every small victory. If you haven't thought about your ex all day, reward yourself with a delicious smoothie or a piece of cake.
    • Continue to love yourself, even if it seems like an impossible task. In the long run, this will make you stronger.
    • By helping other people, you help yourself. Give people good advice and don't show negative feelings.
    • A good joke will make you laugh even in this difficult time. Even if it seems inappropriate for you to have fun at such a moment, laugh - and life will become a little happier!

    Warnings

    • Do not rely solely on our advice. If you feel that you have become worse, consider that you may need professional psychological help.
    • There is no need to hurt yourself, even if you feel like you have lost the love of your life.

Reading time: 2 min

Mental pain is emotional suffering, unpleasant and painful in its sensations for a person. Mental pain is also referred to as the pain of the soul body and reckoned with the loss of survival potential. Often it is much more dangerous than bodily diseases, because it causes disturbances in the work of all internal organs and provokes malfunctions throughout the body.

How to deal with heartache

Emotional suffering develops when experiencing a life event or greatly worrying about a loved one. Mental pain is often inherent in a person when his personal ideas do not coincide with what is happening in reality. This is because significant experiences leading to are due to patterns formed in the human brain, and reality is not what the individual expects it to be. All these disappointments lead to emotional suffering.

Mental pain by a person can be experienced both explicitly and covertly, when a person suffers, but does not admit it to himself.

How to deal with mental pain? A person copes with mental pain in several ways. In one case, mental pain moves from a conscious sensation to the subconscious and the individual mistakenly believes that he is no longer suffering. In fact, what happens is that a person simply avoids pain, and transfers it to the subconscious.

If an individual is inclined to demonstrate his actions and feelings, then this means that he gives vent to his mental pain. A person in such cases begins to consult with friends, acquaintances, seeks salvation in eliminating the root of the problem.

For example, if relationships with parents cause mental pain, then a person is looking for all possible ways to find a common language with them.

If a person has chosen a method of avoidance, then this method is expressed in not recognizing the problem, often the individual says that everything is fine with him and does not even admit to himself in personal experiences. In this case, mental pain persists, passing into an implicit, subconscious form. This state is very difficult to cope with, it is painful for a person, much more emotional than an open confession, as well as saying the problem out loud.

How to get rid of mental pain

It is very difficult to get rid of latent pain, it is characterized by a protracted (for years!) course. At the same time, a person's character, relationships with others change. A person with mental pain begins to attract negative people to himself, gradually changing the level of acquaintances, or completely abandons them, forever excluding communication with people.

Often, emotional suffering does not allow an individual to create, work, it torments him, and a person often does not understand what is happening to him. Separate situations are able to remind a person of those moments that caused pain in his soul many years ago. This is due to the fact that emotions were driven into the subconscious many years ago, so a person cries and worries, not fully understanding what is happening to him, for example, after watching a emotional scene from a movie. In cases where you cannot cope with mental pain on your own, you need the help of a specialist or a loved one who is ready to listen to you.

Heartache after a breakup

Psychological reactions to the end of a relationship with a loved one have much in common with the reaction to physical loss, namely, the death of a loved one. The emotional pain after parting with a loved one can drag on for many months and years. During this period, a person is acutely worried. Experiences include stages of resentment, denial and pain.

Initially, there is a stage of denial, which manifests itself in the subconscious refusal of a person to objectively relate to the breakup and be aware of the end of the relationship.

The pain after a breakup is aggravated by the realization that a loved one is no more, and will never be there again. The moment a person realizes and accepts reality, he will stop suffering. This understanding does not come overnight. The duration of this period depends on the continuation of contacts with the former lover. To make it easier and faster to go through this stage of mental suffering, psychologists advise to abandon all contacts, as well as get rid of all objects that remind of past relationships.

The period of denial is replaced by a period of resentment, which is characterized by accusations of the former lover of all sins and the desire of the offended to take revenge, especially if betrayal was the reason for the break.

Psychologically, this is understandable: blaming another person is much easier than admitting part of your guilt in a similar situation yourself. This stage is marked by the emergence of an emotional block: there is a loop on negative experiences, which significantly delays the period of psychological recovery. At the next stage of the life crisis, worries about lost time in relationships that were in vain develop. Such experiences are accompanied by a fear of loneliness, as well as the uncertainty of the future, the fear that it will not be possible to build new relationships.

Most psychologists are inclined to believe that tears, suffering and reflection in loneliness are an obligatory, as well as a necessary part in overcoming this life crisis. There is nothing wrong with wanting to cry. Allow yourself to suffer and cry - this will bring relief and lead to recovery.

If, nevertheless, a decision was made to break up, then the lost relationship should not be restored, and for this reason, indulge in sad memories, call, and also meet. This will only slow down and make it more difficult to overcome emotional suffering.

Women often need more time than men to forget about an ex-partner, because for women, loving a man is the most important part of life. For a man, the priority in life is often work, as well as a career. In addition, it is usually easier for men to find a new partner.

Psychologists advise, left alone, to do. If, nevertheless, for two years, mental pain after parting worries, then it is necessary to consult a psychologist or psychotherapist who will help in solving this problem.

Severe mental pain

Edwin Shneidman American psychologist gave the following unique definition of mental pain. It is not like physical or bodily pain. Mental pain is manifested in experiences that are often caused by the grieving person himself.

Mental pain, filled with suffering, is an expression of the loss of the meaning of life. It is marked by torment, longing, confusion. This state gives rise to loneliness, grief, guilt, humiliation, shame, before the inevitability - aging, death, physical illness.

Eliminating the cause of suffering helps to get rid of severe mental pain. If the cause of emotional suffering is the negative behavior of a person regarding you, then in this case it is necessary to eliminate these causes, and not extinguish your emotions regarding this person. For example, if you are having trouble with your boss that provoked heartache, then you should work on your relationship with him, and not on your emotions and how you feel about it. You should find a common language or quit.

If emotional suffering is caused by an irreparable situation (illness or death), then you should work on the perception of reality and your emotions.

Mental pain lasts from six months to a year with the loss of a loved one. Only after this period of time, psychologists advise building new relationships in order not to repeat the same mistakes.

How to relieve mental pain? It is necessary to admit to yourself that an unpleasant situation has already occurred. This can alleviate your condition.

Second, go through the period of pain and come to your senses. Then we build a new future, but without these circumstances or this person. For example, without a favorite job or a loved one. Mentally build everything in detail, how you will live on. Often the real world becomes in a person the way he sees it in his imagination.

Often, severe mental pain is hidden under other masks and is confused with anger, disappointment, resentment.

How to deal with severe emotional pain? Find people who are worse off than you. Show them care. This way you will switch from your problem.

Master the system of correct breathing: with a long inhalation and a short exhalation. Proper breathing can help your body cells recover quickly, strengthen the nervous system.

Say something nice to people every day, positive emotions will also be transferred to you.

Follow the daily routine, get enough sleep, this will help restore nerve cells.

Take your mind off your worries by dancing, jogging, walking, push-ups, physical exercises. Sign up for a massage.

Avoid the return of intense mental suffering. Scientists are inclined to believe that a person stays in a state of depression for a quarter of an hour, and the rest of the time he creates mental suffering for himself, prolonging and aggravating them. Therefore, the ability not to return mental pain again, which is facilitated by situations from the past that provoked experiences, is of great importance.

Doctor of the Medical and Psychological Center "PsychoMedoMed"