A man is afraid to confess his feelings. Why are men afraid to confess their love. Men are not sentimental

15.04.2019

Monument to St. Peter and Paul. Kamchatka, Russia © depositphoto

Many men are afraid to show their feelings. What's this? Natural timidity, hidden character, pride or stupid troubles. Like, the fewer girls we love, the more dear we are to them.

Men are afraid of their emotions.

1. I don't want to be a weakling!

According to experts, a man always wants to be rational, not emotional. Therefore, he is in no hurry to shout about love to the whole world, but behaves with restraint and even dryness.

In the eyes of a man, emotion is weakness. Typically, many men believe that women do not respect men who show weakness or vulnerability.

“As long as you behave calmly with a woman, as if you don't care about her, everything is fine. But as soon as you show that a woman is important to you, she immediately senses it and begins to treat you completely differently. "

2. I want to increase my worth

Many men specifically make women think that they have a lot of fans. Even if this is far from the case. Men are ready to exaggerate and even provoke jealousy, because they believe "popularity" will make them even more attractive in the eyes of a woman they like. They say, "a wench is needed everything," just the opposite. Agree, there is something in it.

In the eyes of a man, he and only he is the master of the situation. And to show your feelings means to give the "reins of government" into the hands of a woman, that is, to lose control over yourself and over the situation in general.

Comment from the men's forum:

"I'm afraid to confess my love to her, because she can twist and twirl me as she wants."

4. I keep the status

If your chosen one is the director of a reputable company, a military man, a special forces soldier or a counterintelligence officer, admit it, it’s strange if he will lisp and cheer with you, give scarlet hearts and pink balls. The maximum that can be squeezed out of this frame is something like "I feel good with you", and even then, not right away. If you come across just such a man, judge not by his words, but by deeds.

An invitation to spend a weekend, vacation, help you with work, etc. together may be evidence that he is definitely not indifferent to you. Perhaps he will someday talk about his feelings, but it will definitely not be in the style of Shakespeare's Romeo.

5. Gathered, gathered! Eh, figured it out ...

Many men are afraid to talk about their feelings, because they do not want to hear a refusal, the duty "let's be friends" or "". Every person has fears. And men are no exception. Here you need to be patient, as practice shows, each fear has its own expiration date. The main thing is that it expires before you have enough patience.

It's all simple for you: for your beloved, even to the ends of the world, or with a sweetheart, and heaven is in a hut. For men, things are different. For example, their career is just as important as their personal life. Many people prefer not to start a serious relationship (and recognition of feelings is always serious) until they get on their feet, get a car, an apartment, a prestigious job, a bank account, and so on.

Our expert - psychologist, specialist in interpersonal relations Sergey Mikhailenko will help to answer this question.

Many women, during conversations with girlfriends, complain that men do not pamper with tender words and confessions of their feelings. If he is silent, then he does not love. But do not rush to panic and think out. Guys know how to love, they just show their love in a special way: they surround them with care, give gifts, invite to meetings, and in general, a man's love is easy to read in his eyes - you just need to learn to notice it. However, girls, as you know, love with their ears, they need compliments, verbal expression of feelings. Let's figure out what prevents from confessing love.

Men are not sentimental

Opening up your sincere feelings is not easy even for a very sociable person, it is difficult to find words. And what can we say about laconic men. And even more so, one should not expect from a partner passionate monologues that girls see in romantic movies. For guys, this is unacceptable, frivolous, funny. There are few romantics. Rather, men agree to an evening by candlelight or a walk in the moonlight to please their beloved.

Men prove their attitude towards their lady through deeds, actions. He is in a hurry for a date, the first to call, is interested in your hobbies, helps in solving problems ... Observe and you will understand how your partner treats you. Although it is easier for a woman to hear a confession.

Need a registry office?

This is a common stereotype - once you have confessed your love, you will have to get married. The opinion, of course, is erroneous and naive, but many guys think so. More precisely, the main words need to be said at a crucial moment, when everything has already been decided. That makes men keep their mouths shut if, for some reason, they are not yet ready to legitimize relations.

Need reciprocity

What if my feelings are not mutual? In fact, everyone has the fear of unrequited love, but for a man it is like a double blow to pride and personal opinion. And it’s even incomprehensible what is more in this story - rejected trust or wounded pride, which generates uncertainty and failure in subsequent relationships. Needless to say, many men prefer not to take risks?

Male pride

This woman should be soft and obedient, and the man should be flint! But how can such a proud person give up the slack in order to reveal their true feelings and thereby become vulnerable? Of course not! Male pride is another enemy on the way to the heart of his beloved.

Afraid of women's tears

What if, at the moment of recognition, the beloved will be so moved that she will cry with happiness ?! But tears in men tend to be confusing. Not understanding how to behave at this moment, the lover loses control over the situation. Therefore, the fear that an innocent confession can cause discomfort for a man and ruin the evening makes him avoid this procedure.

This is not funny!

Another fear of lovers is to be ridiculed. This is most often the bitter experience of first love, school love, when the boy's awkward confessions from the girl were followed by an unexpected reaction: grin, criticism, laughter. In fact, a girl in this form could also hide her true feelings - embarrassment or shame. But the memory of the bad experience of a declaration of love will not allow an adult to repeat it.

Raised differently

They have not yet confessed their love, because boys are taught from childhood to be strong, courageous, decisive, but in no way sentimental and romantic. Men are needed for protection, for conquering new heights, and not for love! This has already been ordered by nature, therefore the strong half is endowed with an emotional deficit. Unfortunately, most guys, through their negative experience, comprehend the science of relationships with the opposite sex, after they have already broken their woods - they begin to draw conclusions.

Pragmatism gets in the way

For a man, love is serious, for this reason a man confesses his love, only being 100% confident in his feelings. A man is pragmatic, emotions are secondary, so he dares to talk about such an important feeling as love when confidence in a partner is absolute and unshakable.

Many men are afraid to show their feelings. What's this? Natural timidity, hidden character, pride or stupid troubles. Like, the fewer girls we love, the more dear we are to them.

Men are afraid of their emotions.

1. I don't want to be a weakling!

According to experts, a man always wants to be rational, not emotional. Therefore, he is in no hurry to shout about love to the whole world, but behaves with restraint and even dryness.

In the eyes of a man, emotion is weakness. Typically, many men believe that women do not respect men who show weakness or vulnerability.

2. I want to increase my worth

Many men specifically want women to think that they have a lot of fans. Even if this is far from the case. Men are ready to exaggerate and even provoke jealousy, because they believe "popularity" will make them even more attractive in the eyes of a woman they like. They say, "a wench is needed everything," just the opposite. Agree, there is something in it.

3. I don't want to lose control of myself

In the eyes of a man - he and only he is the master of the situation. And to show your feelings means to give the "reins of government" into the hands of a woman, that is, to lose control over yourself and over the situation in general.

Comment from the men's forum:

"I'm afraid to confess my love to her, because she can twist and twirl me as she wants."

4. I keep the status

5. Gathered, gathered! Eh, figured it out ...

Many men are afraid to talk about their feelings, because they do not want to hear a refusal, the duty "let's be friends" or "let's get married." Every person has fears. And men are no exception. Here you need to be patient, as practice shows, each fear has its own expiration date. The main thing is that it expires before you have enough patience.

6. Not decided yet

If he is in no hurry to bare his soul in front of you, perhaps he has not yet decided what he wants from your relationship, what he feels and whether you are on his schedule for tomorrow.

7. Another family

Alas, this is one of the saddest reasons. If he is silent about feelings, perhaps he has another woman with whom he does not play in silence.

Take a closer look at your chosen one, are you sure that no one but you takes his heart?

There is such a topical anecdote: "Petya said hello to Masha and asked how he was doing, and Masha mentally married him and bore him three children." Of course, this is ironic. But there is some truth in every joke.

Often this is how women perceive male attention, the purpose of which, for example, is a banal temptation. That is, a representative of the stronger sex, in order to seduce a girl he likes, goes to various tricks and tricks: he writes touching SMS to her or whispers sweet and gentle nonsense in her ear. Actually, she does everything that a woman wants and what she expects from a man. Such Snake-tempters are endowed with the talent to seduce the fair sex by nature, or they purposefully learn this in courses on a male pickup truck.

And what about the woman? At first she trusts, then she becomes convinced that she is loved, drawing illusory pictures in her head about pure and eternal love. But in fact, as soon as a guy gets his way, that is, sex, his ardor fades away and there is no trace of love. At best, he honestly admits what he really wanted from you. At worst, it will simply leave, throwing a cold "goodbye" goodbye.

As a result, the girl is offended, disappointed and considers herself used. Which, in principle, is the case. But this might not have happened! How much less broken women's hearts and wasted bitter tears in the pillow at night would be if we learned to soberly assess the attitude and behavior of the stronger sex.

Substitution of concepts

The web and glossy magazines are full of tips on how to tell if a man loves you. But most often such articles are written by women, the essence of which boils down to being gentle, caring, attentive, in everything yielding to their chosen one. The main mistake here is that girls begin to compare male love with their own. But she is completely different and strikingly different from the woman's.

No one will give exact recommendations about what symptoms indicate his sincere love for you. After all, in men, everything is built on instincts. And yet, in order to understand this difficult issue, I had to turn to some reliable sources, as well as interview several representatives of the stronger sex who wished to remain anonymous. So, firsthand information.

When a man loves a woman

The main component of sincere male love is the acceptance of a woman as a part of herself, that is, that very half, without which life is no longer possible. And only starting from this axiom, men behave in one way or another with their beloved. What should you pay attention to?

Signs that a man loves if:

1. Sincerely interested in your business and listens attentively. That is, he asks how your day went, he is interested in what you were doing today, what upset you, and what, on the contrary, made you happy. Your hobbies, even if he does not share them with you, are also of interest to him. After all, you are a part of it.

By the way, this is why a loving guy accepts his chosen one for who she is, with all the flaws. But we should not forget that ANY feelings weaken over time and what used to cause affection may begin to irritate him. Therefore, do not stop working on yourself and, if possible, eradicate all the shortcomings, both in appearance and in character.

But be careful: false interest can be just a cleverly veiled attempt to get you into bed, so don't jump to conclusions and read the following points carefully.

2. If he gives in and sometimes sacrifices his own interests. In order to spend an evening with his beloved, a man may neglect football or refuse a planned visit to his parents. But try not to abuse this willingness. As practice shows, over time, the person for whom we too often sacrifice our positions in life, we begin to hate. And who would like a man who is always and in everything inferior to a woman ?!

Respect each other's interests, each of you should have personal space, without encroaching on this sacred territory. And if there are controversial points, try to find a compromise.

Again, be careful if a man too often gives in and indulges you in everything, it is quite possible that he is only interested in sex with you and thus tries to achieve what he wants as soon as possible.

3. If he publicly declares that. This is already an undoubted indicator of his love and serious plans for you. Men love to show off their chosen ones, whom they consider to be a part of themselves (remember the main component of male love). And if he publicly declares that you are his woman, praises you in every possible way in society, this is a sure sign that you are not indifferent to him.

The same is true if he introduces you to his friends, if not even to his parents, who live many thousands of kilometers away. There is no need to explain anything here. Such an act speaks volumes.

However, do not confuse those moments when your boyfriend is in a fit of passion during sex or whispers "you are mine." This can be a sign of attention or an attempt to make a girl pleasantly liked. For love, it is the declaration to society that it is "my woman" that is important, that is, for the rest, "entry is prohibited."

4. If he is. Since a man considers you a part of himself, he will take care and protect as himself. That is, you may not wait for gentle words from him, he may once again neglect hugs, especially when he is firmly convinced that he has already conquered you. But you will not starve or freeze from the cold. He will definitely take care of your comfortable stay with him. And sometimes, in the early stages of a relationship, please with such a trifle as breakfast in bed. By the way, this is a sure sign that at least he cares about you.

Protection, in this case, implies the protection of "their part" from external danger and aggression. Whatever one may say, but men are still driven by instincts. And even if dinosaurs have not been running on the street for a long time and there seems to be no one to save you from, but still a man must protect. Especially your achievement, that is, you. This is its essence! Therefore, he can give you valuable advice or simply help in certain matters.

If you value your relationship with your chosen one, do not neglect his advice and appreciate everything he does. But try to ask him less about it. He must want to protect and protect you himself. Play on your instincts!

5. Another sign that speaks of his love is when a man seeks you, oddly enough ... to feed you. All the same notorious instincts: for centuries it has developed that a man hunts a mammoth and brings it to the house for his beloved woman, who creates comfort and decorates the home. Therefore, a gentleman asking you directly: "Are you hungry ?!" or “Do you need to be fed ?!”, I am not indifferent to you.

It is important that you do not ask him to do this. It is clear that if you directly talk about what you want to eat or that he takes you to a restaurant, a polite man will not refuse. And it won't mean anything. But when he himself invites you to eat and behaves in this situation, like a breadwinner, you can rejoice. You have every chance to become (or maybe you have already become) the lady of his heart!

To the same point can be attributed the fact that a man will strive to provide for his chosen one, so that she does not need anything. Within budget, of course.

If he does not, then most likely he has a normal physical affection for you, which may wear off over time.

6. A loving man will strive to please you in sex, and not only care about his own interests. The excess of his tenderness will not end even after sex (again, only in the early stages of the relationship). Then, unfortunately, they relax.

In addition, if he truly loves you, he will never offer threesome sex with even a girl or a man. In the first case, so as not to offend you, and in the second - because he is not going to share his beloved with anyone, that very part of himself.

7. Finally, the most important sign of his love is when a man wants a child from you. This postulate does not require any proof or explanation. It is in you that he sees his wife, mother of his children and companion for life. What else is needed! This is the highest manifestation of his love.

Instead of a conclusion

According to one of the respondents interviewed, who wished to remain anonymous, a man in love behaves like an idiot. That is, his life changes dramatically and he begins to do stupid things, for example, in the midst of the working week, he can take a day off to spend the day with his beloved or meet her early in the morning at the entrance with a luxurious bouquet of flowers. Of course, this flatters the woman and she gives up over time.

Unfortunately, a man who has already conquered a woman calms down and relaxes (after all, she will not go anywhere, she is ALREADY part of him). The words of the famous trainer-psychologist Alexei Chernozem involuntarily come to mind that God created a woman from the rib of Adam and if the rib (that is, the woman) “does not hurt” and no one tries to take it away, they don’t remember it. But as soon as a man notices the encroachment on "OWN rib", then a real warrior will immediately wake up in him, ready to fight for his territory and for his achievement.

Therefore, as the expert advises, sometimes remind a man of your "existence" - intrigue, flirt, keep in suspense, take care of yourself, play on his instincts. He should have the feeling that you can be stolen or recaptured, but always against your will.

Be for him that same riddle or mysterious book, the pages of which every day open something new for him. And he may never lose interest in you.

In fact, love is a difficult thing and everyone loves in their own way. It depends on the character, type of activity of the chosen one, his interests and circle of contacts. Therefore, never jump to conclusions and pay attention to it.

instincts that will help you more likely to determine whether he really loves you or is just trying to seduce you.

Based on the book "Act Like a Woman, Think Like a Man" by Steve Harvey

Question letter:

Why is my boyfriend afraid to confess his love to me? He says that he cannot live without me, that he will never meet like this, that he feels good with me, but every time he confesses his love to me, he tries to take his words back, it’s hard for me, I cannot understand, maybe he really doesn’t love?

Option 1. The reason is in it.

1) His lack of confidence in his feelings for you.

I suspect that this is what you are afraid of. But in vain. After all, if he himself told you such words: "that he cannot live without me, that he will never meet such a person, that he is good with me," then you have nothing to fear. Yes, he could confess his love, and then withdraw his words. But, sooner or later, he will understand that he really loves you. Now he wants to define how he really feels.

It is quite possible that you yourself pushed him to a declaration of love, but he himself does not yet assess his feelings in this way. Appreciate that he wants to understand himself and is in no hurry to rush with loud words, because he knows that love is serious. Therefore, do not rush him, because no one will leave love and fate anyway.

You may have a question: "What does he doubt then? After all, everything is clear anyway!"

I'll explain in more detail now. Love is a feeling that each person represents in their own way. He can represent some kind of image, often of an ideal relationship, that he saw in a movie or read in a book. Or maybe he had his own dream of love since childhood. In any case, this ideal and desired performance is very rarely consistent with life. Just because love is very unpredictable. He can love very much, but he himself does not even know about it. This is indeed the case.

I'll tell you about myself. When I met my future husband, I didn't even think that this is my love. I imagined her and him, my chosen one, in a completely different way. Although the feeling that you have known this person for hundreds of years, that fate brought us together was a feeling. And for a long time I tried to figure out - is it love or not. We were and now - very different. But there was always a feeling of inner unity and attraction, despite all the roughness of human relations. About six months from the beginning of the relationship, I myself could not call my feeling - love, it seemed to me that it should be different. But now I understand that even then it was love, its first shoots.

This is such an unpredictable feeling - love. Therefore, do not chase after words, but build harmonious relationships - and he will understand everything himself.

2) Fear of responsibility and major changes

Very often, men are in no hurry with a declaration of love because they understand the full responsibility of what was said, because in this case, your relationship will move to a completely different level, and his life will change. After all, it's one thing to meet, and another - love and build relationships with another person. And he understands this.

Moreover, his life will depend not only on himself, as he is used to, but also on you, on your plans, joint affairs and responsibility for you.

The most important thing: if your boyfriend, without nudges and questions, himself confessed his love, it means that he really loves. The only thing that scares him is change. Especially the changes in your relationship are not for the better for him, the fear of losing his freedom, but here a lot already depends on you.

Analyze: have you changed after his first declaration of love? Have you begun to wait and demand more from him? Are you offended by something that you were not offended before? It is possible that you have changed, and he decided to take back his words before it’s too late and is not in a hurry to say them again. But this situation is fixable. The main thing is to make him understand that in the case of a serious relationship, he not only loses his freedom (many men perceive it this way),
but also gets in return sincere love and care. Read more about this in option 3.

Option 2. Your relationship.

This is a transitional point from you to him. This is your relationship. They can also be one of the reasons. You just need to analyze in what situation he confessed his love to you and how he took his words back.

1) It is possible that your boyfriend confessed his love to you when the relationship was romantic, light, cloudless, bright, without problems and difficulties. But now everything has changed a little. You got to know each other better, learned about shortcomings, weaknesses and habits, as they became closer to each other. This is a natural development of any relationship. Perhaps he is better
recognized you - and is no longer in a hurry with conclusions.

The main thing is to explain to him that there is no relationship without difficulties. And harmony and mutual understanding are built over the years, and you do not need to look for ideal relationships, but create them with your love. Here is a recipe for happiness.

2) There is another option.

Your boyfriend could give up your confession in the heat of an argument clarifying the relationship. But these words cannot be trusted. Men are often ready to say nasty things, especially when we ourselves push them to do so.

I’ll even tell you more. Men rarely take into account female emotionality and often say unpleasant words, just so that they are left behind at this moment. But the fact that he is ready to sort things out with you, argue and prove his own - shows that you are not indifferent to him. He tries to stand up to his point of view only because you are strongly internally connected with each other.

Rest assured, as soon as these unpleasant moments are smoothed out - he will again be able to speak words of love to you... True, there is no need to wait for recognition immediately. But it will come too. Just build a harmonious relationship and ignore temporary disagreements.

Option 3. Your affection and love.

Now we will talk about your expectation of his words, feelings and actions that confirm his love. The words of your question show how important all this is to you. This is, of course, good. But when you are waiting for his words, feelings and actions that confirm his love, it means that you are very attached to him.

The more you worry, the more you bond. And he feels it. And he tries to distance himself, to get rid of. Whether he is aware of it or not. That is why he is sincerely confesses his love to you(because he loves you), then takes the words back(to breathe more freely, to move away a little).

Now I foresee your question, "why is attachment bad."

Firstly, a person who is strongly attached is completely dependent on the other emotionally, cannot control himself, loses himself in another person and relations with him, and all other aspects of life are left behind.

Secondly, the more he becomes attached, the more the other moves away. This is a road to nowhere and is very bad for a relationship. Do you want to become attached all your life, and then worry and worry about the fact that he is farther and farther from you?

Thirdly, when a person becomes attached to another, he begins to expect certain feelings, actions, words from him, and without waiting, he begins to demand. And no man likes that.

All this shows how, with our emotions and inner mood, we influence relations with loved ones, however, not always in the direction we need.

Therefore, learn to manage your emotions in the right way. To you direction. To do this, you just need to move away from your boyfriend a little and relate more calmly to his feelings. Look: as soon as you begin to get attached to him, he begins to move away, he may even say something offensive. Therefore, do not push him to such actions yourself.

And most importantly - do not wait for his declaration of love and especially do not push towards him, do not ask often - he loves you or not. Indeed, love will definitely not grow from this, and he will perceive your questions as pressure on himself. He feels your affection now, but what if your relationship gets more serious? He is afraid that you will wait and demand even more from him.

This is the answer to your question. He is afraid that you will become even more attached to him, which means that you will demand and expect more and more from him, and he will have to fulfill all your requirements.

Yes, of course, love is a responsibility, it is the ability to be together, no matter what, but there should be no fear and pressure on each other in it.

Love is when everyone can love sincerely and voluntarily, and not because the other is waiting for his feelings and right actions.