Why am I always a fallback. Relationships Inside Out: Why Women Keep 'A Fallback'

26.06.2019

Most men and women, starting a new love relationship, almost always have another one: either already ending, or starting a week or a month earlier.

You don't have to blush or pretend that what you've said doesn't apply to you. According to my surveys, at least 85% of men and women aged 18 to 40 and at least 60% of men and women aged 40 to 55 behave in this way.

In addition, according to my own observations, at least half of men and women, starting a new love affair, continue to maintain at least two or three more parallel relationships.

Leaving aside for now the ethical aspects of this modern mass phenomenon and focus on the fact that since all this is so common and generally accepted, it means:

Every girl and woman starting to meet someone new

a man, at least once in his life for some time will be

the second line of male relationships, his fallback.

Of course, this is normal and not at all offensive: after all, respected girls and women at first act in exactly the same way towards their new acquaintances and also decide for a long time in which echelon to write them down: in the first and most promising, in the second or even the third, in the most extreme case. However, since this book is intended primarily for ladies, it means that in this chapter we should also talk about such a phenomenon when your new acquaintance (all so good, polite, well-dressed, in a decent car, etc.) has been - three months of your relationship does not stick to you for the very reason that he not only has a certain number of other girls, but, most importantly, one of them is the main one and, as men say, official, front or day off. Well, in this case, you (since the main one is the main one, because it is only one!), Of course, you are only a secondary, backup, safety, reserve or, as respected men are very fond of expressing themselves, some kind of reserve parachute.

So let's talk about two things now:

About how you can quickly find out what exactly your status is in this love relationship and whether you are just a love reserve parachute;

About how you can, within a relatively short time, overcome this status that is not entirely pleasant for you and rise several steps higher in the love-female hierarchy of your friend at once. Of course, preferably at the highest level ...

And to begin with, let's define what the status of a men's fallback or reserve parachute is. What do men mean by these terms? Why do they need alternatives?

Ten main options and functions of substitute women:

The girl that the man met, according to his plan, is the very spare love wedge that, if necessary, can mitigate psychological stress after a long-term rupture of a long-term relationship with his other girlfriend. (Many men generally do not go to break the burden of their previous relationship until they get a fallback option. However, among respected ladies this is no less common ...)
The man already has a girlfriend with whom an intimate relationship has already been established, but he already wants sexual diversity. Therefore, he gets to know someone else in advance and patiently waits (but there is still nowhere to rush: there is sex anyway!), Until the time passes, after which it will be appropriate and quite decent to demand sex from a new lady. As soon as new sexual relations arise, castling is immediately performed: the former main one turns into a spare (the frequency of meetings with her decreases), and yesterday's spare becomes the main one (they begin to meet with her more often).
The man already has a girlfriend with whom an intimate relationship has been established, but the level of their diversity and her sexual technique does not suit him very much. In this case, he again gets to know someone in advance and patiently waits until the new relationship quite logically moves into the bed stage. However, in this case, castling will not take place when the first sex happens, but only when the man is convinced that in the field of sex his new acquaintance is clearly superior to his predecessor.
If a new acquaintance upset a man by the fact that in the field of sex she is noticeably inferior to those girls that this man already had, she is automatically transferred to the reserve: they call her only when others either cannot have sex for technical reasons (girls are away, they have critical days, they themselves began to meet with someone, etc.), or they refuse to go somewhere to nature or to the country (etc.).
A man met a girl in the spring and summer, tempted by her magnificent (or, conversely, very slender) forms and talking to her when she was wearing a minimum of clothes. However, autumn-winter came and then it turned out that she had little money and therefore she was poorly dressed and no longer looked at the level of this man. In this case, the man continues to meet with her, but the meetings are very rare and furtive.
Having already created a loving (and sometimes intimate) relationship with a girl, a man suddenly learns with horror that she has very important parents in their city or her past friend is one of the local “cool” ones and therefore advertising their relationship can pose a threat to his life , health, wallet and career. So you have to communicate by inertia (so that the girl does not freak out and set her parents on the one who deceived and abandoned), but again, rarely and not in public places.
The girl has such a nasty character that almost every exit to the cinema or cafe ends in a scandal, and often slaps in the face. Therefore, although you still want to meet her (she has a great figure, good sex, she is wealthy and does not pull a lot of money from a man), it is better to do this rarely and secretly ...
A man would be happy to communicate with his girlfriend, but she is used to living in a big way, and he does not have the means to dine in restaurants or go to clubs twice a week. Therefore, he is forced to keep her in reserve, meets with her once a week or two, and at the same time he is friends with some less wealthy girl. At the same time, he admits the idea that, having received a promotion or earning more money, he will still be able to start communicating with a richer one.
The man is married, has children and does not intend to get divorced and create a new family with a sense of social responsibility for their future. For these reasons, because of his new passion, he absolutely does not want to get into the pages of the local secular chronicle: he is rare and in conditions of full or partial secrecy. In this case, the functions of a girl are simple: a man boasts to his dedicated friends that he can afford to have a beautiful and passionate mistress, and enjoys sex itself.
A man is married, financially dependent on his wife (or lives with her in her apartment or in an apartment that he cannot successfully exchange), with whom he has not had any decent sex for a long time. He wants sex, he cannot create a new relationship with a rich girl because of his own poverty. So he meets twice a month only for sex (and also for drinking) and only furtively.

Having listed these main situations, I really hope that respected ladies will not be very offended by me for being more or less honest about what men are guided by when they determine the status of their girlfriends at the level of a fallback.

Now let's talk about how any girl or woman (of course, you too!) Can find out if they themselves are that notorious reserve parachute.

Whether you are still a fallback or have already managed to become the main goal of your new acquaintance is determined quite easily.

Seven signs of your fallback status in a love relationship:

Most likely, you sit on the love bench and play only in the second love division, if:

Sign #1. Your friend never (or almost never) goes out with you in public places (there you can be seen and reported to the right person).

Sign #2. You see him exclusively (or almost always) during the working week, and on weekends, as a rule, you are left to your own devices (at this time he is with his official girlfriend or wife).

Sign #3. Being next to you, he constantly and very intensely looks around (in order to hide from acquaintances in time), walks with you along some side streets or very secluded places, getting out of the car for some business, refuses to take you with him and leaves to wait.

Sign number 4. Your appointments are almost always very spontaneous, unexpected and somehow even abrupt. He calls you at nine o'clock in the evening and offers to meet in half an hour (or even “hang out” for the night). And you painfully think: do you need it or not? (It’s just that a meeting already planned with someone fell through, and at home he already asked for leave, and therefore he is simply sorry to lose an evening or a whole night without sex!)

Sign number 5. Most of your meetings take place either in the daytime or in the evening, but always before 21-23 hours. (Later time is given to them for sex. And, as you understand, not with you at all).

Sign number 6. Spending time with you, despite the abundance of calls and SMS, he never turns off his mobile phone (and at some moments he could well turn it off!). And that's when you know that some nights he does it! (Because at this time next to him is the main option, in which he is very embarrassed to answer other people's calls, take you with him and) a man, is up to the 55th! And, perhaps, at this time they are just having sex ...).

Sign number 7. Then, when you call him on his mobile phone, he can afford to press the call reject button. But when you are next to him and someone calls him, he either immediately jumps out of the car into the street, or goes into another room and closes the door behind him. And certainly never ends the received call ...

These are the signs I managed to identify from the most typical male behavior during communication with those women who are sitting on the love bench. I hope that you already understand how to determine whether you are a spare or a main one. And for sure, they have already tested themselves and their love relationships.

If you are fine with the vast majority of the seven listed items (that is, they are not!), Then I can congratulate you: you are the main one!

Well, if, after reading all these signs, you realized with chagrin that you are an obvious spare, I will try to console you at least a little. First, let me remind you that

Fallback status is for the start of modern

love relationships almost a standard option

positioning of recently met partners.

Secondly, this is only the beginning of a great love journey, the beginning of your love ascent!

Fallback status is not a stigma or

an indelible stain on a man's or woman's love biography!

If there is a certain desire, ladies may well

to increase their status in important love relationships for them.

And I think you can safely count yourself among them.

And in order to know how you can improve your status and overcome the position of a spare, so offensive to your female pride, our traditional practical recommendations.

First. Use the method of crowding out possible rivals!

It seems to me that by reading the above seven signs of "love spare" status, many ladies have already independently understood the main directions of how they need to act. I personally call this simplest tactic of female behavior the method of displacement. It looks like this: To increase their status in a love relationship, ladies should:

It is important to make appointments only on weekends.

It is important to make most of your appointments after 20:00.

It is important sometimes to demand dates during the daytime, during daylight hours, when others can see you.

It is important to ensure that dates take place in the most crowded places in your city!

Don't spend your dates mostly sitting in your car or at a friend's (or your own) home.

And, of course, in no case should you agree to other schemes and insist that these are the only possible options for your friendship. And if you run into some resistance, it’s best to immediately aggravate the situation as much as possible, put the question point-blank: if your friend, although with a creak, still makes some concessions to you, then you have a chance to increase your status in the love hierarchy . If he categorically insists on his own version of the development of your relationship, I advise you to stop these relationships! After all, you won't act like a beggar who humbly begs for one movie a month! You certainly deserve more! Is not it?

Second. Try to look your best!

Find the courage to admit:

In all love, intimate and family relationships

there is always an element of your invisible struggle

with some of your competitors,

sometimes you don't even know it exists!

And since you don’t know and have never heard of how those who your friend or husband can sometimes look at with such lust, you have only one thing left: to look good ALWAYS !!!

In general, in order for your partner to castling and push some unknown (or known) competitor of yours off the pedestal, during dates with him you should always look so stunning (and even sexy!) so that his male pride starts working for you and he would very much like to boast to the whole world what a luxurious lady he possesses.

The most faithful ally of a woman in the fight for a man

his own male pride and vanity!

Know this, always look your best, and then your friend will immediately really want to walk with you at the very “prime time”, when it is light on the streets and in the cafes the most people! And your competitors will immediately find out about you, make your friend hysterical about this, and against their scandalous background you will immediately become “white and fluffy” and your man will reach out to you even more: after all, you, unlike them , not so scandalous and jealous (yet!), and you still look great!

Therefore, in addition to this advice, I give you one more:

Assuming that your friend has someone else, by no means

don't argue with him about it

and do not arrange interrogations with predilection!

It is better to create all the conditions for him to self-determine on his own, and, of course, in your favor.

Third. Give your friend a gift first!

Men (however, like women) are greedy and stingy people. They’d rather drink money, but they won’t buy a single flower for their girlfriend! And even more so, they do not invest in the void.

Men spend money on women only if

if they are going to communicate with them at least for a while.

Based on this, I advise you to play with your friend ahead of the curve. Already on your third or fifth meeting, come with a small memorable gift: a fountain pen, a business card holder, a tie, a beautiful notebook, a money or tie clip, etc. and so on. And let this small financial investment of one hundred or three hundred rubles (some ladies smoke cigarettes a day or drink coffee for a much larger amount!) Become a real litmus test of your relationship:

If a man does not give you anything in return at the next meetings, it means that you have saved your life time and you can safely say goodbye to him.

If he began to give you something, and more and more expensive, this is a sure sign that he is starting to tune in to invest in your appearance. And here you can be sure:

Having invested in your girlfriend at least some amount of money

(especially in her clothes, shoes or jewelry!),

a man wants to brag

to her in front of society as a whole and her own circle.

Simply put, a man will begin to cherish you (and how can you not cherish you if you are so attentive to him!) And will more and more often bring to light. And as you understand, it is precisely such cultural outlets that are the basis for your increase in status!

Fourth. Feel free to introduce a friend into your circle of friends.

If you want to overcome your spare status at a particularly accelerated pace, feel free to introduce your new friend into your social circle. And do not just enter, but make this procedure itself as comfortable as possible for him.

Agree with your girlfriends that you supposedly meet them by chance during your walk with a friend. At the same time, after you introduce him to them, they should say to him in chorus: “And Lena buzzed all our ears about you! What, they say, my friend is smart and beautiful! We did not believe her, laughed ... However, now we see the truth: our friend has a very decent gentleman ... We even envy! Believe me: if your man had a peacock tail, he would immediately dismiss it with happiness ...

It's the same with parents. Invite him to visit you so that half an hour after his arrival (while he has not yet had time to start pestering you), your mother (or mother and father together) allegedly did not come as planned and also praised him in every possible way and approved of her daughter's taste.

In exactly the same way, lure him to work (in a university group or in a room in your hostel), to a corporate party or student skit. The most important thing is that he gets only the most pleasant emotions from communicating with your friends or relatives! In this case, he will also be very pleased that he is so appreciated, and in response he will begin to invite you into his circle and gradually become attached to you more and more ...

We always become attached to that person and to that circle of people,

where, as it seems to us, we were finally appreciated according to our merits!

Keep that in mind! Use this psychological setting for your own purposes! Admire your friend, and then he will also admire you. And nothing that at first only about yourself! The main thing is that your love actions would go uphill!

remark

In conclusion, I want to ask respected ladies one thing: in no case do not be angry with your men if you have to start communicating with them from the fallback level. And I ask you about this for one simple reason. According to my surveys and observations:

Only in one pair of about five to seven, both a man and a woman

immediately put each other in the position of first lady

or the first guy in the village.

In most cases, for their prize-winning place in the sun, partners

you still have to fight someone. And often - for quite a long time!

So at the beginning of a relationship, it’s better not to be nervous and not offended! Such is life and such are the harsh rules of the love game. Finally, don't forget that:

Love relationships are always fierce competition!

So it would be much more correct to show the goods with their face, first to tie a partner to themselves with their goodness, and only then unobtrusively raise their status in a love relationship. And having raised it, do not make another typical female mistake, do not relax and rest on your laurels! Otherwise, some energetic applicant will inevitably take away these laurels from you. The one who, just like you once, is absolutely not going to put up with the role of “forever second” ...

Sincerely, Doctor of Sciences, Professor Andrey Zberovsky

Contacts: Email: [email protected]

Which, unfortunately, is not just a frightening phrase, but a real-life problem of modern women striving for equality, freedom, independence, but at the same time rejecting common sense deep down. We decided to look into this problem using the example of standard behavioral patterns in order to identify the actions that characterize you as a person who is in a relationship only because he is afraid of being alone and does not believe in his own dignity.

Situation "He will change"

Problem: There are often difficulties in relationships, and overcoming them, each of the partners may consider it right and desirable to change for the better, not only for the sake of the beloved and the safety of the relationship, but first of all for the sake of himself. But despite the fact that change happens and is a rational moment of every relationship, the stereotype that people do not change still exists. Even more justified is the belief that people cannot be changed and it is foolish to expect a partner to change over time in the name of your relationship.

If you are chasing the idea that soon all your dissatisfaction with your current relationship will pass, and your partner is about to turn out to be “the one” you have been looking for for so long, then such thoughts can serve as an alarm signal that your relationship is not built at all on mutual sympathy, falling in love, or at least passion, but are a way out of hopelessness, which entails the fear of loneliness.

What to do: You should not ruin your relationship just because doubts periodically cover you, and your partner does not match the ideal love picture that was born in your head.

Perhaps you just do not want to accept the fact that life is not always as simple as in the movies, and sometimes we appreciate our beloved not at all because they meet all the parameters of the “ideal”.

If the reality of your relationship is still dear to you, try letting go of the intrusive thoughts. If the fact that you can’t get what you dream of from this relationship is overwhelming you, it may be time to seek happiness elsewhere and with another person, or let go of the fear of being alone and.

"Need a break" situation

Problem: You don’t remember the last time you were alone, and all your ended relationships smoothly flowed into others, without giving you the opportunity to take a break and understand what you really want from life, a partner and relationships as such. Because of this, it seems that being alone is not for you. And it’s good if you are really lucky and the right people are there at the right time, protecting you from soul-searching, depression and nervous breakdowns. But what if the right person has to wait a while? This is where the fear of being alone can kick in, and you may find yourself in a relationship that is only self-deception.

What to do: The only truly effective way to solve this problem is to deal with fear "in an adult way." If you have ended one relationship, then it is worth taking a break and being alone with yourself until loneliness no longer seems like a leprosy to you. Use this time to understand yourself, and if you do not consider yourself to blame for the failure of past relationships, analyze what you lacked, what did not suit you, and what is really worth bringing to a new relationship. The simple truth is that people come and go. You can go on dates endlessly, but still not understand what is the charm of love, passion and affection. Sometimes you just fall in love, and that's it, the relationship itself finds you - the way you are.

"Backup" situation

Problem: Imagine that you are invited to a party that you don't particularly want to go to, but in order not to completely refuse, you say "maybe", thereby insuring yourself against an evening spent alone. This is what a relationship with a partner looks like, which is built on an unwillingness to be alone, and not on real or at least “first” feelings.

There is a cruel but very true statement regarding this situation:

A woman who is afraid to be alone will never leave first unless she has somewhere to go.

What to do: The answer, again, is very simple: leave and not be afraid. If you understand that your relationship is not worth continuing, then free yourself from self-deception and weakness, challenge yourself and accept loneliness as a natural state of a person, and not a stigma on the forehead of everyone who failed to build a relationship with a man still. Only by freeing yourself from the fear of loneliness can you truly appreciate yourself and the person next to you, knowing that each of you has the right to doubt, error and freedom. So, you can build stronger and.

If you're a forward-thinking person, you're probably aware of the benefits of having a backup and back-up plan. After all, when things go awry, the ability to implement Plan B can be extremely helpful.

If you have already reached the point where doubts began to creep into your soul, then perhaps our list will help you look at the situation from a new perspective. Perhaps you are just a backup option for your soul mate?

Signs that you are just a fallback to him

1. More than friends, but…

Together you attend social events, walk in the evenings, watch movies. You sometimes cook for him, sometimes even wash his clothes and buy medicines at the pharmacy when he is sick. In a word, you behave like a couple, but at the same time you do not have sex and do not consider yourself lovers. Pretty clear sign that something is not right in your relationship, right?

2. Everything is only in words

He emails you, chats on social media, shares photos, compliments you, promises to take you somewhere, but he never goes beyond words. Be careful, most likely he is not a shy admirer, but an Internet troll who is bored and for whom you are an easy target.

3. He ignores you on social media

If he refuses to change the status of the relationship on his social page, then obviously this is not just. No matter how he snorts and tries to prove the insignificance of this step, changing the status to “is in a relationship with you” will indicate to all his friends that he is busy, which is exactly what your young man is trying to avoid.

4. Hot ticket

He knows that you are ready to drop everything and rush at the first call, and uses this for his own purposes. Remember? When Plan A doesn't work, you can use Plan B. And if he gets rejected by his counterpart, why not call you at the last minute? After all, the table is already booked, and the shoes are polished.

5. Everything for the client

In your relationship, he feels like a buyer who is always right. He "visits" the relationship when there is a need or an extra minute that has nothing to do. After wandering through the ranks and making sure that your affection has not gone anywhere, he just as easily evaporates from your life. And he will not return calls or messages, at least until he needs something from you again.

6. Relationships are stuck and you have nowhere else to develop.

If you've already broken up, he may still try to keep you to himself by maintaining uncertainty about how he feels about you. After a breakup, does he try to keep up old habits, call to chat like you used to, use all the same cute special nicknames you used to call each other? Do not forget, he will return to you only if he is defeated with a new girl.

7. Lonely holidays

Every time you try to invite him to a holiday party with family or friends, he says he's already invited/other plans/promised to spend time with family. And then you wonder why the holidays no longer bring that sincere joy as in childhood?

8. "Let's see"

Try to talk to him about the future, and in response you will hear something along the lines of: "we'll see", "time will tell", "let's live first" or "let's just enjoy the moment".

9. So, you are his ... who?

For you, he has set aside a small isolated solitary cell in his life, so that neither his relatives nor friends are aware of your existence. So don't be surprised if you happen to meet his acquaintances and be introduced as "this is my friend."

10. Pet

He does not want to be responsible for your relationship, let alone a pet. Does he wince at the suggestion of a puppy, even though you both love dogs? A clear sign that he is not going to approach you at a smaller distance than the one between you now.

11. "The marriage contract"

You are twenty years old, you can not figure out your relationship, and then he says: “If by the age of thirty we will not be in a relationship with anyone, then let's just get married?”. It sounds like you're the hero of a romantic book or movie, but it's not as great as you might think. In fact, he follows a simple logic: he has ten years to find someone more worthy, and if this plan fails, then there is a spare - and that's you.

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Sometimes at night I wonder if you'll ever have the courage to choose me. Will there come a day when you will be mine entirely, a time when you can love me with all your heart, without excuses, without reasons. Just you and me and our love. I wonder if you will erase her completely from your life, for me. Will there come a day when you will make plans with me for the future, when you will become completely devoted only to me. The time when you will no longer have any options, only me.

But we both know that this will never happen. That's bullshit. I want to be honest. So nothing will happen.

It may hurt you too, but it hurts me more. But I did it for myself because I know that the future self will thank me for it. I know it's for the best, no matter how hard it is right now.

You know that I have to end this, we have to end what's between us. Anyway, we both know I'm not in a winning position. I will get more scars than you, I will get more emotional wounds than you. No matter how hard we try, no matter how hard we fight, I will always be weaker.

You can't imagine how hard this is for me, but I have to save myself from further pain.

The unfortunate truth is that I'll always be your backup. I will always be the girl who comes after her. I will always be the girl who will stay behind, who will cry in her bedroom, trying to figure out what I did wrong, where I went wrong, why I am worse than her, why I am your second choice and not your first.

I will always be the girl you will love, but not completely. A girl you'll take care of, but no more than her. A girl who will try to be the best, but still not be the best, not for you.

I will always be the girl you call after her if she doesn't pick up the phone if she's too busy. I'll always be your backup plan when things don't work out with her. I will always be your refuge because you know that I won't leave. You know I'm always waiting for you, that's how much power you have over me.

And frankly, I should have realized this a long time ago. That I wasn't your first, that I'm always next after her.

So today I'm doing myself a big favor. I choose myself. I put myself before you.

Thank you for always making me feel like I'm not worth it. That you threaten me like I'm easily replaceable, that you can leave and come back when you want, when it's convenient for you. Thank you for never apologizing that I'm not worthy for you to step over your pride and ego. Thank you for making me feel like I have to adjust my life to yours.

Because without it, I would not understand who I am and that I deserve much better than you.

So I'll stop waiting. I will stop hoping. I will stop forcing myself to believe in a happy ending. Because I know the hard truth: I will never be your first choice...

Girls are by nature very cautious. And this applies not only to amorous affairs. But in their personal lives, they show maximum caution. And even having met that very “One”, she cannot stop worrying: “And if he leaves me?”, “And if we don’t succeed with him?”, “And if he finds something better?” and many more "ifs". And then, in order to insure, the notorious “fallback option” arises.

"The principle of a branch" or "alternate airfield"?

In psychology, this situation is called the "branch principle" and came to us from the animal world. So, a monkey jumping from branch to branch will never let go of the old branch until it firmly grasps the new one. This is projected onto people quite simply. A woman who is disappointed in her current man and has already found a replacement for him will not break off relations until she is convinced of the seriousness of the relationship and the reliability of the new chosen one. The former man is a kind of springboard for starting a new relationship, that very “old branch”. Previous relationships are paused, and a new chosen one is given a chance to show and prove himself. And only after she is convinced of the stability and reliability of the new relationship, she will release the “old branch” from her hands with a pure heart.

An important factor here is the raising of a woman's self-esteem: two males are fighting for her! This gives her confidence, raises her status in the circle of friends and flatters her vanity. Namely, the awareness of her demand gives a woman strength and makes her literally soar on the wings of success. Do not forget about the material side of the issue. Until the new relationship stabilizes, she needs a livelihood, a place to live, other benefits that she cannot refuse yet. That is, one for love, the other for money.

The spread of the “branch principle” itself has taken place in the last decade due to the fact that the female gender is becoming more and more independent, while men, on the contrary, have lost the status of the stronger sex, their self-confidence and self-esteem have seriously decreased. Increasingly, it is men who try to maintain a disintegrating relationship as long as possible.

A slightly milder option is the "alternate airfield" situation. A woman has either already broken up with a man, or the relationship did not work out, but, seeing an interest in herself, she leaves an imaginary opportunity to return everything. That is, firewood is gradually thrown into an already fading fire in order to preserve heat and light. It can be infrequent calls, messages on social networks, inquiries through friends about his life. However, all his attempts to get closer do not find a response. “Come on, next time”, “Now I'm busy, but a little later”, “Somehow later” - you can only hear promises from her. At the same time, she does not refuse nice souvenirs or flowers.

The proverb about the crane and the tit immediately comes to mind. "Crane in the sky" - that's why he is a crane, a capricious bird. It is not yet certain that he will arrive. A trouble-free titmouse is always at hand. Yes, and it’s stupid to somehow throw a titmouse without the certainty that a crane will fly in. If one doesn't work out, you can always go back to the other. And if it worked out, then, as a rule, they leave without explanations, because there are simply no explanations.

The motives are the same: to make sure that you are attractive, to raise your self-esteem, to brag to your friends, to realize success on the love front.

There are many opinions about which men can fall into the rank of "spare". Some believe that they are quiet and modest nerds who are simply afraid to demand something from a woman. Others believe that these are successful and self-sufficient men who simply do not need a permanent relationship. In fact, absolutely all men can be them: businessmen, workers, married, divorced, and avid bachelors. In general, neither status in society, nor financial situation, nor moral foundations or principles matter.

Which men fall into the rank of "spare"?

This is, first of all:

1. Attractive but unreliable. Such men are not suitable for a serious relationship. On the one hand, he is great to spend time with, he is great in bed, but it will take a very long time until he settles down. But for increasing self-esteem, satisfying sexual hunger, it is quite suitable.

2. Reliable but unattractive. You can’t go out with them, they are rather boring, they are ugly, but reliable, like a Kalashnikov assault rifle. They will not give a storm of emotions, but family comfort and warmth are provided.

As for the reasons why the "backup" can become the "main", everything here is simple: boredom, the need for self-affirmation or loss of faith in one's sexuality and attractiveness, betrayal and a painful breakup of previous relationships, a feeling of loneliness or just a feeling of dissatisfaction.

Define and respond

Is it possible to determine that a man is just a "fallback"? Yes, and there are several signs of this:

1. There is no initiative in the relationship or it is manifested only by periods.

2. Does not invite you to spend time together, does not introduce you to relatives and friends.

3. Frequent mood swings in conversations for no reason.

4. Disappears for a long time, does not answer calls, and then finds incomprehensible explanations for this.

5. Meetings are held only when it is convenient for her.

6. He tries not to appear with him in public places, and meetings are held in closed places away from prying eyes.

As for the reaction of men to this whole situation, it is quite diverse.

Reaction one: "I don't want to and I won't." Men, realizing the hopelessness of the situation, put the woman before a choice: either he or the other. They don't want to wait who knows how long. Therefore, the incomprehensibility of the situation is stopped immediately.

Reaction two: "It hurts, but does not intend to leave." Although such men understand the situation, they do not want to do anything. These are, as a rule, deeply in love men who cannot imagine life without their chosen one. They accept the challenge and try to win her over to their side.

Reaction three: "I am for it!". A man not only approves, but also has nothing against. He is confident in himself, he knows that, after a little walk, the woman will return to him under his wing. For both, this is a kind of emotional unloading.

A recent survey surprised psychologists a bit. The men were asked the question: “What is it like to be someone’s “spare”? The most common response was, of course, that it was insulting and demeaning. But the second most popular answer was that it is an honor (!). According to the respondents, they are very flattered, because not everyone can be a “reserve”. The woman shows that he is better than the current partner, and she is interested in him. The opinion is quite controversial ...