Interesting Facts 

Gift etiquette. What to give and to whom. Why give gifts and what should be a gift

When choosing a gift for a loved one, remember that not all gifts are unambiguous: some, as you know, may have certain symbols. Therefore, we must remember that there are many superstitions in which a second, secret meaning is attributed to certain things.

What is not given because of superstition?

Handkerchiefs

There are two explanations for this long-standing superstition. The first of them says: to receive a handkerchief as a gift means to receive, along with it, the tears that you will wipe with this handkerchief. According to the second explanation, handkerchiefs are ritual funeral items, which the Slavs present to all people who came to the burial of the deceased.

Pearl

According to an old belief, pearls are the petrified tears of nymphs and mermaids, so pearls accepted as a gift will bring grief and crying into the house.

Clock

According to one of the versions, a clock cannot be given because the person who received it as a gift will live as long as this clock runs. When the clock breaks, its owner will wither and soon die. Another explanation is not so gloomy: you can’t give a watch to a loved one, because it will start counting the time of your life together with him, and as soon as the hands of the clock stop spinning, you will part with him forever.

Superstitions and signs associated with watches have already been discussed in our article.

Knives

It is generally accepted that a donated knife will certainly cause scandals and strife between the donor and the recipient. This baseless swearing will only intensify over time, and the matter will end with the fact that once close people will finally and irrevocably quarrel with each other - as the magicians say, the knife blade will cut the thread that binds their hearts.

Here we should make a small digression and say that due to the fact that watches and knives are definitely necessary things and many people would like to receive them as a gift, people figured out how to deceive fate and avoid possible negative consequences from their donation. The whole trick is that in response to such a gift, you need to give the donor a copper coin. Thus, formally, a knife or watch can already be considered purchased, and not donated, which means that nothing bad will happen to their new owner now.

Mirror

The mirror is considered one of the most magical items. It is very connected with a large number of all sorts of signs and superstitions. Magicians and sorcerers claim that mirrors are able to open portals to the world of darkness. Therefore, it is not surprising that many people are reluctant to accept a mirror as a gift, fearing the troubles and misfortunes that can come to their home from the otherworldly light hiding behind the mirror surface. For more information on why it is undesirable to give mirrors, see our article.

In addition to all of the above items, for superstitious reasons, you should not give:

  • brushes and combs - the recipient of the gift will know all your secrets;
  • gloves - a gift will lead to a break in relations;
  • slippers - a symbol of death;
  • bouquets of an even number of large flowers - for the same reason as slippers;
  • yellow flowers - why, read our article.

When choosing a gift, one should be guided not only by folk superstitions, but also by the rules of official gift etiquette, according to which certain things cannot be given either.

What is not given according to the rules of gift etiquette?

  • You can not give very expensive or, conversely, too cheap gifts. Gifts of the first kind make a person feel obligated to the giver, especially if the recipient does not have the opportunity in the future to make the same expensive return gift. Gifts of the second type simply offend people.
  • You can not give animals without first agreeing such a gift with the person to whom it is intended.
  • Do not give icons and other religious attributes (except when you are invited to christening).
  • Perfume and decorative cosmetics are considered a bad gift for a woman, since it is difficult to guess the scent of perfume or the tone of lipstick that a lady will surely like. Giving creams, deodorants, shower gels, etc. cosmetics is generally unacceptable.
  • You should not give men "duty" ties or socks.
  • It is not customary for women to give strong liquor and smoking accessories - cigarette cases, lighters, ashtrays (even if a woman smokes).
  • Men are not given sweets and cakes.
  • General rule: do not give underwear, personal hygiene items, shoes and clothes. Gifts of this kind are acceptable only from the closest, dearest people.

How to choose and give gifts is described in our article.

There is no such person in the world who would not like a gift. No gift can leave anyone indifferent. But if receiving a gift each time is embarrassing, a certain obligation is felt, then perhaps its presentation brings great joy.

Any gift brings joy. This is perhaps its main and undeniable feature. The choice of gifts should be conscious. Each of them reveals the character of the presenter.

Both the packaging itself and its contents betray the ingenuity, imagination, as well as the taste and courtesy of the giver. The real value of the gift does not mean so much, the main thing is that it be dear and valuable to the donee.

Even the most insignificant, but presented with a special meaning, has enough chances to become the most important of all for life and will be remembered for a long time.


Each gift is symbolic in its meaning. Basically, it is aimed at lightly emphasizing some advantages or correcting minor shortcomings. But, first of all, the gift must correspond to the tastes and preferences of the person to whom it is chosen. When choosing a gift, be sure to take into account the environment in which the gift will be presented.

If any celebration is planned, for example, a birthday, name day, wedding or anniversary, the contents of the package must be taken care of in advance. Standing at the counter of a store or constructing a gift at home with your own hands, you need to weigh all the "pros" and "cons".

The donation process should not be casual, such as "here, this is for you." Yes, if you are shy, give as beautifully and politely as possible. There is one golden rule when it comes to gift giving. When presenting a present, in no case should you say how difficult it was to find something as a gift and how expensive the purchase of this thing was. There is no need to tell those present, and even more so the hero of the occasion, about all the adventures. In response, after such a story, words of gratitude and appreciation for the concern and nothing more will follow, then such a person will be seated at the table and his presence will be forgotten. And such a narrative will be regarded as a manifestation of bad manners and sick pride.

It would be nice to know the taste of friends in order to give what they like. It turns out that you need to be able to choose a gift, taking into account a lot: the reason for the gift (a holiday or just a surprise), the age and gender of the person, your relationship with him, the interests and hobbies of your friend. Therefore, if, when choosing a gift, you are looking for something worse among your things that you don’t need, this is not a gift! If you are sorry to part with something, or you give something dear to you under the compulsion of your mother, this is also not a gift. Bought in a hurry "something" - also not a gift!

It's easier for those who have "golden hands". A gift made especially for the recipient will always be to your liking - whether it be a poem, drawing, embroidery or a soft toy. If any of you are embarrassed to show off your talents, then you will have to borrow money from your parents and think carefully about the gift. Is your friend a collector? Always a pleasure to add to your collection! Do you know your friend's interests? Then it will be easy for her to choose the videotape, book or notebook she needs. Boys usually like sporting goods, key chains. Almost anything can be a gift item.

A few mandatory rules that the donor should know:


  • for a birthday, gifts should be given that only the birthday person himself, and not his whole family, will use;

  • it is not good to give gifts after a birthday, it is better the day before;

  • it is indecent to give money to a friend and advise at the same time "to buy yourself whatever you want"; if you really care about the recipient, then you should work hard and come up with the right gift for him, which will bring joy, and money may look like a handout and may offend;

  • you should not give very expensive, "chic" gifts, by doing this you can put a person in an awkward position, unwittingly humiliate him or make him feel dependent on you;

  • if you were invited to a house where absolutely everything is available, and your friend cannot be surprised by anything, then do not fall into despair and do not puzzle over how to get money for an expensive gift worthy of a rich house; you can give a thing, although not valuable, but distinguished by its rarity and elegance, or witty beat your gift - for example, give a classmate a Mercedes model and write on a postcard: "Let this car grow with you!" More fantasy, my friends!

  • gift packaging is important: home-made bags, boxes and postcards are valued higher, so it is worth collecting foil, clippings, ribbons;

  • never give back what was given to you, because someone wanted to please you, it didn’t work out;

  • in relation to edible gifts, there is an insidious rule - they should be served immediately on the table, this must be taken into account;

  • live gifts (kittens, fish ...) can only be given with the prior consent of all family members of the recipient;

  • a gift is not given in the corridor (with the exception of flowers), it is handed in the room, slowly, saying warm words.

  • no need to get off with some trifle - you can be known as a miser;

  • you can’t give things that are, so to speak, ambiguous, for example, deer antlers to a spouse-anniversary, a picture with a sad plot to a newlywed;

  • well, if the gift is a surprise. But this surprise of the one to whom it is intended;

  • a bad gift is worse than no gift.

So, what to give, when to give and to whom to give?

Let's start with the last - to whom. Of course, you don’t have to give gifts to everyone in a row, you can make a lot of mistakes. No need to give gifts to unfamiliar people - you will only surprise them with your act.

One of the most difficult questions: should you give gifts to your bosses? Any gift you bring, for example, for your boss's birthday, can be interpreted by gossip lovers as a fawning, as a desire to stand out. And the one to whom the gift is intended can also be put in a very ambiguous position: if you (let's say), an excellent employee, were soon to be promoted to a more responsible job, then after you brought the gift to your leader, he'll just be embarrassed to support your candidacy for the nomination. Therefore, it is customary in exceptional cases (anniversary, retirement, etc.), of course, if the boss has really good, friendly relations with his employees, to make collective gifts: from the department, from the management, from the sector, etc. .

Now - when to give. It is customary to make gifts for family dates - for a birthday, wedding, graduation from school, university, etc. These are easy cases, because it is clear to whom to give and when to give. A little more difficult is the issue with weddings. The first anniversary is considered a "paper" wedding, the second - "glass", the tenth - "porcelain", the fifteenth - "bronze", the twentieth - "crystal", etc.

In one of the editions of Chevalier's book "Rules of Conduct for Well-Brought-up People" (1918), the first twenty wedding anniversaries each have their own name, and gifts are recommended to be made exactly in accordance with the name of the anniversary. That is, on the "glass" anniversary, give glassware, on the "porcelain" - porcelain, on the "crystal" - crystal, and so on. There are also platinum and diamond weddings. But the theoreticians of the rules of good manners have not yet reached a consensus: some of them consider the sixty-year anniversary to be a diamond, others consider the sixty-year anniversary to be platinum, and the seventy-five-year anniversary to be a diamond.

Nowadays, a silver wedding is especially common - twenty-five years of marriage, a golden wedding - fifty years. However, one should not fall under the hypnosis of beautiful symbols: it is not necessary to give only silver items to a silver wedding, and gold to a gold one.

So we come to one of the main questions what to give?

The gift is chosen depending on who needs to give it - to a friend, relative, acquaintance. It is easier to give gifts to a loved one than to a stranger or someone with whom for a long time did not have to see. In such a situation, it is easy to say what this or that person would like, what he most needs. Here you can easily afford to give just a bouquet of flowers, a small soft toy or something from household utensils.

There is one remark concerning utensils. A birthday surprise like this would be a little out of place. After many hours of preparing a festive table, hardly anyone wants to return to this topic again. Such a gift would be appropriate only for a housewarming party.

You can give to close relatives as something of clothing, and various household items. In these cases, a very wide choice is allowed - that is, everything is suitable that does not violate the above general rules about gifts. A husband can even choose a gift for his wife along with her, a mother with her daughter.
The further the relationship, the less close you are with the person, the more difficult it is to choose a gift. If you can bring pantyhose, gloves, a hat or a frivolous handbag to a relative, then you cannot give this to a girl with whom you just know.

A woman can give a close relative a man various smoking accessories, tobacco, wine, a tie, a scarf, a sweater, a shirt. But it is impossible to give toilet items to distant relatives.

All other gifts are divided into two categories: souvenir (books, wallet, wallet, set of pens, key chain and other small items) and valuable ones - a vase, service, tablecloth with napkins, art and handicrafts, coffee device.

For a gift, if it is being prepared for the New Year, by the eighth of March, it is recommended to attach either an appropriate postcard, or a small figure of Santa Claus, a mimosa branch, etc.

Recently, it has become common to give books as gifts. You need to choose a book very carefully, knowing at least approximately what kind of books can please the one you want to give a gift to. And one more indispensable rule: never inscribe books! Only the author has the right to sign a book. Any other inscription spoils it. You can enclose a colorful postcard with words of congratulations or a business card with a few congratulatory phrases in the book.

At the birth of a child, a young mother expects a bouquet of flowers and a letter from her new father. Relatives and acquaintances in these cases give a stroller, diapers and undershirts, dishes.


Jewelry should be bought with a large selection: firstly, they can be given to relatives and especially close friends; secondly, it is necessary to take into account the main thing: whether they will suit their future owner (of course, we are talking about brooches, pendants, rings, watches, bracelets, and not about desktop jewelry, dishes, silverware, bowls, etc. d.).

One important detail. There is a fairly common custom to tear off a label with a price on a gift: they say, not in the price de-lo. It seems that in this custom there is a fair amount of hypocrisy, characteristic of the etiquette of past times. Let's judge sensibly: after all, the hero of the occasion does not live on a desert island and still roughly imagines the cost of this or that thing. And if you wish, you can easily find out the exact price. So no need to play hide and seek - it's really not about the price!
Fergusson's "Textbook for Gentlemen" in the chapter on gifts gives one good advice: a person who wants to be polite must have a notebook in which all birthdays and other significant dates are noted, not only close relatives, but also friends and acquaintances . Thus, none of the holidays and anniversaries will take this person by surprise.

Each gift is a mirror of the nature of the giver., even if they try not to show their character when buying. And presenting a gift is not a duty to the hero of the occasion, but first of all a sign of attention and respect for him. Having no free time or completely forgetting about the gift, in no case should you entrust the purchase of a gift to another person. Even a beautifully packaged such a gift, after the giver leaves, will lose all its attractiveness, being in the far corner.


It often happens that one of those invited for some reason cannot attend the celebration: feeling unwell, a business trip, etc. In this case, close friends are asked to convey apologies, congratulations and a gift. Together with the gift, the hero of the occasion should send a greeting card. In the event that a loved one cannot be present at the celebration and passes the gift through a third person, be sure to thank him by sending him a postcard or letter, and the person who passes the gift. All the words expressed about the present itself are addressed to the same person.

And the last tip: never put off buying a gift until the last day. You should not bring a birthday bouquet that is plucked from a flower bed near the house, or give complete nonsense from the nearest store. You need to think about the gift in advance. Then its originality and relevance will be guaranteed.

It is necessary to list and describe those things that it is not recommended to choose as a gift under any circumstances.

Bad omens about gifts

Mirror

Since ancient times, it has been believed that this item has some kind of magical power. There is a statement that, once in the hands of an experienced sorcerer, a mirror helps to perform various magical rituals. For example, if a “spoken” mirror is presented to a young successful person, then through it you can take all her youth, luck and beauty from her.

Often you can find statements that the mirror serves as a kind of portal to other worlds. But it is considered especially dangerous to accept a gift in the form of an old mirror. After all, it is able to store in itself the information and energy of all the people who have ever looked in its reflection.

Over a long period of time, the mirror surface could absorb the energy of many deaths, grief and unfortunate human destinies. In addition, there is an opinion among the people that mirror surfaces can also store the restless souls of long-dead people, those who have passed away voluntarily.

Clock

It is believed that donated watches bring all sorts of misfortunes. If presented as a wedding gift, they will begin to count down the time for the newlyweds, spent in harmony and love. This will inevitably lead to quarrels and, as a result, to divorce. And if, for example, you give a wall clock to the head of an organization, then he will not be able to hold this post for a long time.

Chinese porcelain dolls

The thing is that such dolls are made according to the prototype of living people. In other words, the doll's face reflects the features of a real person, repeats his facial expressions, look, smile. That is, the energy of a certain person can live in a doll. And it is not known how this will affect the health and life in general of those people to whom they were presented.

piercing and cutting objects

It is not recommended to present gifts in the form of forks, knives, daggers. These items will bring negative energy into your home. It is believed that such gifts bring only quarrels, strife and troubles into the life of the person to whom they are presented.

Bird figurines

Like knives, bird figurines can bring misfortune and sorrow into the house. This is due to the belief that the bird is a symbol of distress noise. No wonder it is believed that a bird accidentally flying through the window brings grief.

Slippers, mittens and gloves

Especially do not present these gifts to the elderly. After all, such presentations can remind them of the approaching old age.

And donated gloves or mittens are a harbinger of the fact that the donor intends to end the relationship with the recipient of the gift. Not in vain in the old days, challenging to a duel, they threw down the gauntlet.

As for a gift in the form of slippers, some believe that this is a very bad omen, promising a quick death to the person to whom they were presented.

Empty bags, wallets and backpacks

In order to avoid financial problems for people who are to be given these things as a gift, it is necessary to put a paper banknote inside them. The larger it is, the better.

Items associated with illness

You can not give those items that, one way or another, remind of diseases. For example, an inhaler, a heating pad, a tonometer, a corset for the spine.

Animals

It is better not to give live animals if there is no certainty that a person has long dreamed of a particular animal of a particular breed. If you still had a chance to present such a present, you must definitely take a ransom for the animal - a symbolic amount of money. Otherwise, the animal can run away from its owner or get sick.

Underwear, handkerchiefs and socks

Underwear and socks are not recommended to be presented as a gift to your husbands. It is believed that this can provoke the faithful to treason, as well as to long journeys. There is an opinion that donated socks are a harbinger of the fact that the husband will leave home and want to return to it more.

Donated handkerchiefs bring tears to the house. After all, it is not for nothing that those scarves that are used during the funeral ceremony are left in the cemetery without taking them into the house.

Pearl

By itself, pearls or jewelry in which it is present will bring other people's tears to its owner. After all, it is a symbol of the tears of a mermaid, into which a young drowned woman has turned.

Carnations, red and black bouquet, even number of flowers

It is believed that giving carnations is a bad sign. This will bring trouble and all sorts of misfortunes to the person to whom they were presented.

It is also considered a bad sign to make and give a bouquet that contains only red and black flowers. This bouquet symbolizes death.

And, of course, one of the most "dangerous" gifts, symbolizing death, is a bouquet presented to a living person, consisting of an even number of flowers.

Can gifts be transferred?

I would like to remind you that it is also not recommended to re-gift gifts. It is believed that the energy of the first recipient of the gift remains in him forever. And who knows what this energy is, maybe negative? In any case, it is alien and will not bring anything good to the subsequent owners of this gift.

Finally, it should be noted that if it happened that you still had to give any of the above presents, you should definitely demand a ransom for it in the form of a symbolic sum of money. Then all the negative energy from this gift will go away.

Not only in Russia, New Year and Christmas are favorite holidays - they are awaited with the same impatience all over the world. But it is customary to meet them in different ways, and the gifts that are placed under the Christmas tree will be completely different.

Austria

The Austrians are very practical in matters of gifts and try to give their loved ones clothes and interior items. It can be cute sweaters, scarves, mugs, lamps, etc. But they don’t give gifts to colleagues and acquaintances, believing that there is no point in trinkets.

Great Britain

The British are quite calm about gifts - souvenirs, candles, cute trinkets, that's all that you can get for a winter holiday from a loved one. This is not at all explained by greed, but rather by the unwillingness to demonstrate income and put a person in an awkward position, “measuring” the price of a gift.

United States

Almost half of the Americans' December salary is spent on surprises for loved ones. They prefer high-quality strong alcohol, cigars, and expensive interior items to give and receive here. Uniquely, Americans always include a receipt with a gift so that the new owner can exchange or return it to the store.

Hungary

Hungarians are quite a domestic nation, it is customary to celebrate here with the family, and gifts are also given only to the closest. These can be books, hand-knitted scarves, sledges or Christmas tree decorations.

Greece

The Greeks can surprise any visitor with their gift - a stone and a wish “may your money be as heavy in the coming year” is considered an excellent New Year's souvenir. Of course, this does not mean that on the way to visit you can pick up boulders and pebbles and thereby solve the problem of gifts. Simply, as a rule, figurines and pendants made of semi-precious stones go as a gift.

Italy

Frivolous and frivolous Italians, not at all embarrassed, give women sets of underwear, light scarves, pareos and jewelry, and they strive to please men with a bottle of light wine that can be drunk at the festive table.

France

The extravagant French love to surprise, and the New Year becomes just one more reason for this. Giant postcards, human-sized plush toys, personalized fireworks, bouquets, and entertainment certificates are considered the best options here.

China

The Chinese believe that a person is happy only in a duet, so they give paired gizmos. Figurines, vases, cups - no matter what is presented to you in China, it will in any case be in two copies.

Japan

But the Japanese gift will seem boring to many. By the holiday, they most often present sets of useful things, for example, bars of soap, small cookies or bread, candles. Also, inexpensive cosmetic sets and, oddly enough, household chemicals are often used.

Germany

But the Germans are sure that the best gift is a book, so on the eve of the holidays there are queues in bookstores. Children choose fairy tales with pictures, adults - fiction from the classics, and encyclopedias.

As you can see, world traditions are very diverse and you can use some of this already this year, surprising your family and friends.

In Russia, there have long been various superstitions associated with gifts. Some were born in the pagan past, others - already in the era of Christianity. In particular, it was believed that some items are better not to give.

plucked flowers

In pagan times in Russia, it was not customary to present fresh flowers as a gift. It was believed that, left without roots and nutrition, a plucked flower can drink the life force from other living beings.

Such flowers were considered as a symbol of death, they were brought only to the graves. The tradition of giving bouquets of fresh flowers and decorating rooms with them came to us from Byzantium only with the introduction of Christianity.

In our time, it is only forbidden to give an even number of flowers, because according to superstition, this means that a person’s days are numbered, therefore, flowers in an even number are brought only to the cemetery.

Scarves and towels

The fact is that these items are associated with funeral symbols. In the old days in Russia, those who carried the coffin were given new towels, and the rest were given handkerchiefs to remember the deceased. And in our time, such gifts remain undesirable - the superstitious believe that they are to tears.

Slippers

This sign arose in relatively late times, when people began to wear wristwatches. People have always had a special relationship with watches - after all, they count the time of a human life. It turns out that this is a hint that the time allotted to a person is limited.

And in Russia they believed that if a man gives a woman a watch, or vice versa, a woman gives a man, then they will soon part. True, in relation to wall, floor clocks or alarm clocks, the sign did not seem to work.

piercing and cutting objects

Knives, daggers, scissors, forks, pins, according to the sign, cannot be given. In the old days, they believed that sharp objects attracted evil spirits, so such a present could bring a quarrel, discord, or any trouble into the house.

Mirrors

Mirrors have long been associated with the supernatural sphere, it was believed that otherworldly forces could penetrate our world through them. In addition, bioenergy experts argue that mirrors have the ability to store information about the objects and people around them.

In Russia, it was believed that if you often look in the mirror, you will quickly grow old. And a broken or cracked mirror promised seven years of misfortune.

Pearl

In Russia, it was called "tears of a mermaid." According to popular beliefs, young drowned girls turned into mermaids. It was believed that pearls or jewelry from it would bring someone else's tears to those who received such a gift.

bird pictures

In Russia, the bird was believed that a bird flying through the window prophesies someone's death. The Russians also believed that human souls could turn into birds. Therefore, figurines depicting crows, magpies, doves, herons and other birds were not a welcome gift. According to legend, they carried sadness into the house.

Empty crockery and purses

The empty containers donated, according to legend, promised the owners losses and financial failures. Therefore, it was necessary to put at least a coin in a cup or purse - in order to attract wealth.

Dowry for a newborn

This sign is still relevant today. Particularly superstitious people do not prepare a dowry for a child until he is born. Also, you can not give parents before the birth of the child sliders, blankets, children's dishes or toys.

Probably, this superstition is connected with the high infant mortality in the past. The child could be born dead or die immediately after birth, and then the dowry would not be useful. In addition, in the old days they believed that an evil spirit could inhabit the donated things, which would disturb the newborn.

Icon or cross

It is believed that such gifts can only be accepted from loved ones. If an icon or a cross was not donated from a pure heart, it is believed that they can attract failures into a person's life. In the old days, only parents, close relatives, godmothers and fathers could give such gifts.

If you really want to give a person a thing from the “forbidden” list, then you should ask for a nominal fee for it - at least a small amount of money. It is believed that then a bad omen will not work.