Virginia Woolf "To the Lighthouse" - quotes and phrases from the book. Virginia Woolf "To the Lighthouse" - quotes and phrases from the book "I Don't Believe You Anyway"

Are Russians really gloomy people? Why do we only smile at those. who do you know? To these and other questions "AiF" answered Joseph Sternin, Doctor of Philology, Director of the Center for Communication Research, Voronezh State University.

Vladimir Kozhemyakin, AiF: Joseph Abramovich, what does a smile mean for a Russian person? Many foreigners, coming to us, complain about our gloom: they say, you smile at a person, but in response there is zero emotion ... Why are we like this?

Joseph Sternin: We often hear this reproach from foreigners, and it is, in general, fair .. But this is not gloom, but just everyday unsmiling. Russian people know how to have fun. We love jokes very much and laugh at them heartily. We need to make sure that the company is fun, riotous, in a good mood. If they say: they laughed all night yesterday, then the evening was a success.

It's just that in everyday life, in everyday life, during work, it is not accepted to smile, you have to be serious ...

Nothing, let's break through!

- And who said that it is absolutely necessary?

Here the emotionality and sincerity of our character is reflected. On the face of a Russian, as a rule, you can see how he treats you, and how he feels. And the everyday life of an ordinary resident of Russia for many centuries has been a difficult struggle for existence, and now, concern has become entrenched as a normative everyday expression. A smile reflects in these conditions an exception to the rule - well-being and prosperity, and all this can be found only in a few and in exceptional cases, it is noticeable to everyone and can cause irritation.

The everyday unsmilingness of a Russian person is supported by folklore with many sayings and proverbs against laughter and jokes: "Jokes do not lead to good," "Both laughter and sin", "He who laughs last laughs well," etc. In the Russian language there is a unique proverb that is not found in other languages: "Laughter without a reason is a sign of foolishness." People with Western thinking cannot understand its logic. One German teacher, to whom the meaning of this proverb was explained as follows: "If a person laughs for no reason, his head is not all right," he could not figure it out and kept asking: "Why does this follow from this?" ...

And further. In Russian communication, it is not customary to automatically respond with a smile to a smile. As well as smiling "just like that", in order to cheer up the interlocutor or for self-encouragement. To be eligible for this, you have to really treat the person well or really be in high spirits. That is, our smile should have a compelling and transparent reason for those around us - only then do you, as it were, get the "right to smile" in the eyes of others. And if the reason for the smile is not clear, it can cause serious anxiety in people. If there is no feeling of well-being or well-being, then why smile?

- And you can't smile to yourself?

A self-encouraging smile is discouraged. Moreover, public opinion condemns such behavior: "Her husband left (or -" She has seven children in the shops "), and she walks around smiling ...". This is how they condemn a woman who tries not to give up in a difficult situation. And one university teacher at one time wrote a complaint to the administration against the rector of the institute: “He mocks me - he always smiles when we meet with him” ...

But smiling is a powerful stress reliever. When a person smiles (even to himself), then all physiological processes in his body improve - a medical fact.

If you do something with a smile, even if you force yourself to do it, it definitely helps to overcome a negative, stressful situation. Dale Carnegie said: “If you got up on the wrong foot in the morning, make a face in front of the mirror. Willy-nilly smile - and the mood will immediately improve. " Try to keep your smile on your face for a while. The British advise: "Count to a dozen - and the mask of gaiety turns into gaiety itself." For a Russian person, this time is not enough - it is necessary to count, probably, up to 30-40. But it's worth it. It may not even be a smile, but just a benevolent facial expression. It is necessary to "make" a benevolent expression on your face, say to yourself: "Nothing, we will break through!" - and it will become easier.

Polite or sincere?

- But why do Russians generally smile so rarely? Life is not so hard for us alone ...

Because, among other things, a smile in Russians is primarily a signal of personal disposition (and not a signal of politeness, as in the West and the East). It is understood as a sincere disposition towards the interlocutor and demonstrates to the person to whom it is addressed that they are treated with sympathy. Therefore, Russians, as a rule, smile only at acquaintances. The smile of a stranger may be followed by a reaction: "Do you and I know each other?" ...

Should we, in this sense, go against nature, our nature, since we are such? Should I force myself to smile?

If you want people to communicate with you - yes, definitely, you need to smile. When we want to ask a stranger about something, for example, somewhere in the queue or in the subway, we will go to the one who seems to us the most friendly, right? People who like to laugh, know a lot of jokes, are always appreciated in society. This quality, for example, is very important in the army - remember Vasily Terkin, grandfather of Shchukar, Pyotr Lopakhin performed by Vasily Shukshina in the film "They Fought for the Motherland" - characters who, at a difficult moment, will freeze something like that, and it becomes easier for everyone.

Therefore, if you really cannot smile sincerely, then at least have a friendly appearance. By doing this you will help yourself. External friendliness turns into internal friendliness. And those around you feel it and, accordingly, begin to treat you warmer. Outward display of affability and smiling, often regardless of what triggers it, has a therapeutic effect. Carnegie has a saying: "A smile is transmitted very easily." The chain is like this: I smile at others, they answer me in kind, I look at them - and it’s easier for me. This mimic signal, which causes a multiplication of a smile, is useful for society, as vitamins are for a person.

It is difficult to go against nature, but it is possible. Of our 150 emotions, fear is the most easily evoked and primitive. It costs nothing to scare a person, but trying to cheer him up or calm him down is a harder task. How to do it? First you need to voluntarily take on the mask of friendliness, give yourself such a task. I remember that in the 90s I trained the salespeople of the Yves Rocher store to communicate benevolently with customers. Three weeks - and not at all. And, like, pretty girls, and try, and really want to get this job ... I taught with great difficulty. Through friendliness.

They object to me: "And if a person does not like it, why should I smile at him?" I answer: for myself, so that it would be easier for you later. A sincere smile disposes. If you approach someone with an angry expression, they will react to you accordingly. And it's more effective to deal with stress without being gloomy.

Of course, it's easy to say, "Smile!" A typical Russian reaction is: "Why smile, then?" Life, they say, is not easy, not life, but survival, to which an expression of concern is more suitable. As already mentioned, our smile reflects well-being, prosperity, good mood, and only a few can have all this. That is. you can smile only if everything is good in your life. Hence the heightened attention, envy, and even hostility, the question: "Why did you smile?"

It would seem that everything is correct. But listen: is there a mistake in the Russian language here? It is not necessary to smile at what, but at whom. We smile not at the sausage, a summer residence, a car, not at inanimate objects, but at specific people ...

It is not accepted to smile and if there are people around whom it is known that they have serious grief, someone is sick, preoccupied with personal problems, etc. And also, in a tense situation - "No time for smiles." We use restraint: a man should not show his positive emotions. It is believed that when a person is busy with business, he has no time for a smile. What a laugh? If you smile, it means that you are not serious about your duties ...

And children are also weaned to smile in the classroom. Like - “Why are you grinning? Be serious in school, when preparing lessons, when adults are talking to you. " "Then you will grin, work!" And children smile simply because they are in a good mood. It is an expression of joy. They like everything ... Interestingly, teachers have one of the most frequent remarks like: “Why are you smiling? Write! "

- That is, to smile defiantly means to incur the displeasure of others?

It is necessary to consider how it is perceived. For example, for a Russian person, sincerity is more important than politeness. You can communicate rudely, shouting, and then “back off” - they say, don't be offended, I freaked out, okay, we’ll survive, ... It is permissible even to yell, and even hit, and then apologize and have a normal conversation again. The main thing is to be sincere.

- Maybe it's better to still be concerned, focused, and then you will win?

No, dealing with stress is fun.

- In short, to die - so with music ...

And live too. It is necessary to tell yourself: nothing, not sugar, you will not melt, and there have been more terrible crises. We got out of such situations - just hold on. No need to dramatize, you need to take action. The smile of self-encouragement here works like a lifesaver and as a signal: "I can handle it!"

I am dating a young man and I love him very much. But it hurts me because - we rarely see each other, because he is busy, although at the moment he does not work, but is exclusively engaged in household chores - when I propose to meet first, he often refuses because of this employment or says "maybe how it will turn out "- often 5-15 minutes late for meetings with me, sometimes even half an hour. When I wait for him, I feel humiliated.

I am afraid of rejection and I feel unnecessary to him, although he says he loves me. He rarely calls, we only communicate by SMS. I call myself, but after that I feel humiliated and unnecessary. It seems to me that I am intruding.

I am jealous of the past that he told me about.

I want to cope with these negative feelings and move on. But it doesn't work.

Psychologists' answers:

Problem area:

Relationship between man and woman

Comments (1)

We meet very rarely

Guest - 10/28/2008 - 11:31 PM

Hello, I have a story like this.
I am 18 years old, I am dating a young man who is 1.7 years younger than me. At first we were friends for a long time, then our relationship grew into closer ones. Together for a year and 2 months. The first and such long relationship is for me and for him. I love him very much. At first everything was fine. Now the problems began. I know that many problems are due to me, I am too emotional and prone to every minute desire. I know that I press him, I struggle with this. But ... we are very rarely see each other ... well, 2 in 2 weeks .... sometimes we don't see each other for 2 weeks at all ... he motivates this by being busy, but nevertheless finds time to meet with friends. I don't know ... I take everything to heart ... when we meet he is very gentle, kind, affectionate, attentive ... and there is no reason to think otherwise, but still our meetings are very rare , I feel that I live for him ... I can't live without him for a minute ... I even began to write poetry ... but he ... used to be like that, but when he tried to get me ... but now .. no longer ... and I don’t know what to do ... is it possible to fix something? I understand that pushing is not a reason ... I'm sure .. he sometimes screams and refuses to answer .. and sometimes he says yes .... he has sudden mood swings .... but I still don’t understand why he cannot find time for me? Does this mean that our relationship can not be restored?
Thanks in advance for the advice.

Imagine sitting on your front porch with your family on a warm summer evening, sipping lemonade. What will you talk about while doing this? Remember how you bought the latest TV model?

Satisfaction with material values ​​does not last long. We can say that our minds quickly adapt to happiness. Material assets bring us temporary pleasure. But when the euphoria from their possession passes, we lose all interest in them.

So instead of spending money on things that will eventually become obsolete sooner or later, channel it on something that will remain in your memory for a long time. After all, good impressions stay with us forever and help us to become who we are.

Below we list 5 things you should spend less money on and 5 things you shouldn't save on at all. Use these tips to save money. After all, you can spend them on experiences and impressions that can enrich both yours and the lives of your loved ones.

So, let's look at 5 things first, saving on which will only be useful to you.

Electronics

Electronics is practically vital today. But this does not mean that you should spend money purchasing the latest model of this or that device or gadget. The feeling of euphoria from buying a new item will not last long. Plus, a newer and better model of whatever device you own is likely to hit the market within the next year.

Home Decorating Fads

There will always be new themes and options for decorating your home. There is absolutely no need to spend hundreds of dollars to order this or that accessory seen in a magazine. There is always a way to create something with your own hands. Make it an interesting experiment that will also allow you to have fun with family or friends.

Cars

Keeping up with the ever-present car market is not a good idea, unless you can fully pay for the car you bought until the new model goes on sale. You will simply be constantly increasing your debt. After all, you will have to sell a car you recently bought for a tidy sum is much cheaper than it cost a few months ago. As a result, you will be forced to add a considerable amount to purchase this year's model.

trendy things

You shouldn't feel guilty about buying yourself clothes, shoes, or a bag from time to time. But if your passion for shopping becomes obsessive, the cost of things is increasing, and you are trying to get every pair of new fashionable shoes, then you should stop. Try to cut back on such purchases and try to save that money for something more useful.

Jewelry

Fashionable and stylish jewelry is a pleasure to have not only in case of attending official events. Nice to surprise with beautiful accessories and colleagues in the office and friends at a party. And if you can afford to pay two thousand dollars for a watch, then that's just fine. However, for most of us, there is a very thin line between accessories and going into debt because of the desire to buy jewelry.

Now we propose to dwell on five things on which it makes sense to spend money.

Education

No other feeling in the world can compare with the feeling when you begin to understand a foreign language without thinking about it at all. While some language courses are expensive, they are really worth it. Attending classes for the study of different cultures, religions, professions will open up another world for you.

This, of course, does not mean that you should change your religion or change your job. Just the fact that you entered the classroom with an open mind and contributed to the storehouse of your knowledge won't be pointless. After all, you never know when they might come in handy.

Trips

Traveling can be expensive, but it leaves memories that stay with us for life, even if the trip is not very successful. After all, usually over time, we begin to relate to the troubles that have happened in life with humor. A single trip to Europe can cost you as much as buying a new laptop, and a long trip is a little cheaper than a car you don't need but would like to buy. Exchange all of these valuables for a night under the Northern Lights, a kiss at the Eiffel Tower, or a long backpacking hike in the Alps.

Music

Learning to play an instrument can be the start of a new tradition in your family. After all, you can pass this skill on to your children, which will leave a lot of memories. You can also try yourself in different musical genres. Who knows, maybe eventually your music library will be replenished with a couple or even several dozen songs of your own composition.

Books

Books always have a different effect on each reader who turns the pages. Using your imagination to transform the words of the author into images in the head gives us a completely new and unique experience. Books never require their pages to be turned, to charge their batteries, or to reload them. These are the things that can be passed down from generation to generation.

Food

Getting to know new food goes hand in hand with traveling the world. Instead of spending a few hundred dollars on a bag, save it to try new dishes when you go somewhere on your trip. Attend culinary workshops where you will be taught how to cook dishes from different cuisines. For example, in Italy you can take a cooking course in a vineyard. The chef will tell you how to prepare great meals. You can take this knowledge home with you and pass it on to family and friends.

Three ladies, three writers, known to a wide and not very circle of readers, where two are closest and familiar to me: the famous detective A. Christie, and her old lady Miss Marple is for my reading taste a more imposing person than Poirot. And Mitchell with her Scarlet and Butler, whose story is read "to holes" in book volumes. As for the phrase, in "Gone with the Wind" the main idea is "I'll think about tomorrow", while Agatha Christie has solid puzzles, where decisions and thoughts are like a mosaic. Therefore, answering mnogo.ru, I chose Wolfe and was right. Plus 5, and the account was replenished again. But I liked the idea of ​​the writer, because trying it on a modern computer mail, and with our expectations related to correspondence, you really understand that you can never wait for the main letter behind a bunch of spam ... the expected letter was not lost in them when it came. And it will definitely come!

We get acquainted with interesting, philosophically oriented aphorisms:

• And further in the sequel it is said that the cat will no longer sit on the cold stove.

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Psychologists are convinced that there are certain patterns of behavior that indicate that your relationship is at an impasse or was initially frivolous. In addition, scientists highlight individual phrases or language constructs that can destroy a relationship or signal that a partner has stopped loving you.

site compiled a list of phrases that a man in love will never say to his soul mate.

1. "I am not obliged to report to you"

Loving people do not take with hostility every request to tell about something in more detail.

2. "These are not my problems" or "These are your problems"

Such phrases are an indicator that the gap is only a matter of time. If a man is not worried about your problems, even when you openly ask for his help, then, probably, he has cooled down for you.

A loving person will find the time and opportunity to help, even if it will cause him some inconvenience.

3. "If something does not suit you, find another"

A man is trying to manipulate you with such a phrase. He does not want to change and sincerely believes that you must come to terms with all his shortcomings. And if you don’t like something, it’s like a tablecloth.

A loving person in most cases is ready to compromise, is not so harsh in his statements and respects the opinion of his partner.

4. "I still don't believe you"

Such a phrase is often uttered by insecure or, conversely, despotic people. They demand your excuses even in situations where you, in general, are not guilty of anything. Most likely, in this way a person is simply looking for a reason for a quarrel or for parting.

Loving people usually listen and hear each other.

5. "Do as you want"

This phrase speaks of the indifference and detachment of the man. He doesn't care how you are, what you will do in a difficult situation, how it will eventually be resolved. In all matters that do not directly concern him, the man invites you to do as you want.

A loving person will show concern and help with the choice. He will not leave you at a crossroads, even in a minor everyday problem. Although, perhaps, it is not worth putting on him the decision of every little thing.

6. "You wind yourself up"

Men usually say this phrase when they are trying to convict them of something. And there really is a chance that you were inventing nonsense and are now winding yourself up.

In such a situation, you should pull yourself together, think it over and calmly explain what worries you. But the phrase "You wind yourself up" is not an answer. Ask the man to voice his point of view. If he returns to this phrase again, think about it: he probably has cooled down for a long time.

7. "I really love you"

You say, “What is this nonsense? He says he loves me! " But in this case, the amplifier "really" is usually used in situations where the partner is guilty of something and is trying to prove that he still loves you. This phrase can be used as an excuse, an explanation for their nasty behavior.

If a person uses phrases from this list several times every day, and then declares that they still "really" love you, most likely they are not. The man is probably trying to manipulate your feelings.

If you do not come across the points from the article in a relationship at all or very rarely, you have no reason to doubt the sincerity of the phrase "I love you."

Sometimes we can hear such words from irritated, upset or resentful partners. But, if a man has feelings for you, he will try never to utter them.

What phrases do you consider to be indicators that your partner has fallen out of love?