How to get over a difficult breakup without harming your health. Why do people worry so much about parting?

06.05.2019

How to get over a breakup? This question worries many people who have parting at the initiative of a loved one. All cases of separation are united by mental pain, disappointment, melancholy, internal discomfort,. It is very difficult to go through parting with a loved one, if a strong emotional attachment to your chosen one has managed to arise, and forced separation has become inevitable.

How to survive parting can be understood by understanding the mechanism of liberation from love psychological dependence. Parting with a loved one is the suffering of the soul for a person for whom a deep feeling of love has arisen. Each person individually experiences parting and it depends on the emotional state, desire, willpower, type of nervous system.

In a state of separation, it is important to understand yourself and accept what happened. Thank fate for those wonderful moments that you had in your life with your beloved. Believe me, life does not end there, time will pass, and you will remember this period much more calmly. If it so happened that the separation was difficult, and the love relationship was characterized by sick attachment, then the feelings about this will last for a long time. Attachments are good when partners need each other, but as soon as a break occurs, it is necessary to rebuild as soon as possible for a new life without a loved one.

How to get over a breakup with a loved one

Having understood the components of love, it will become clear what to do with its consequences and how to survive parting with a loved one. Psychologists note the following stages of emotional love attachment: the emergence of attraction, falling in love and affection. The participants in the love drama are endorphins, dopamine, serotonin. Dopamine is the most vicious participant in romantic relationships. With a high release of dopamine levels, sensations of elevation and brightness occur. A love object gives pleasure with its presence, communication, intimacy. You want to get these sensations always and in large volumes. It should be noted that romantic (dopamine) love has an ending and cannot last forever. The whole reason is the biochemical reactions in the body, which fade over time, which leads to a decrease in attraction.

People who are addicted to dopamine love, after three years are disappointed in their chosen one, and their love ends. In this case, it is important for the abandoned person to realize that he is not at all bad if he is separated from him. It's just that your companion has ceased to experience the pleasure of being near you. In this regard, there is a large number of divorces in the first years of life of young people.

How people deal with breakups

It's no secret that one of the basic needs is the need for love. But as soon as your mind begins to understand that you and your love have been betrayed, reality is perceived in gray. Because of this, it rolls, and it is very difficult for the body to rebuild and accept the changed conditions, since the brain is still absorbed in love memories.

At first, after parting, experiences seem unbearable and painful. Tears can flow spontaneously in women, it is unbearable for them to look at couples in love, wedding processions. Men also suffer, but they try not to show others. In the future, they categorically forbid themselves to fall in love again, thereby trying to protect themselves from new suffering. Sometimes men unconsciously begin to take revenge on all women: deliberately falling in love with them, and then abruptly throwing them.

The period of separation can be marked with lingering symptoms, as well as the following signs: motor retardation, decreased mood, pessimistic outlook on life, loss of interest in everything that happens. Depression is marked by a decrease in self-esteem. To relieve discomfort, people often resort to drinking alcohol, as well as other available psychotropic substances.

How do people deal with breakups? Psychologists noted that after parting with loved ones, people do not regret for them, but for those emotions and feelings that they received from their partners. Therefore, a person manifests pity and selfishness in relation to himself.

Studies have shown that parting is often a severe psycho-emotional shock, leading to psychological discomfort, as well as a feeling of humiliation and loss of self-worth.

Parting undermines a person's deepest beliefs about loyalty, love, family. In this case, feelings, emotions, as well as the system of beliefs, beliefs and worldview become wounded.

The results of studies of people in the period of separation showed the prevalence of two models of behavior - the complex and the complex of the victim. The complex of aggression is marked by the emotions of bitterness, bitterness, irritation, a desire for retribution, revenge and auto-aggression.

The victim's complex is characterized by apathy, resentment, humiliation, helplessness, sadness, decreased vitality, painful memories.

The person feels helpless and also incapable of coping with the consequences of separation. Often he blames himself for what happened and the inability to foresee the development of such events in time. In women, the severity of sacrifice is more prevalent than in men.

The aggression complex occurs due to feelings of injustice, as well as forms of auto-aggression and self-accusations.

Among other signs of experiences are noted: emotional numbness, suicidal tendencies, a sense of hopelessness, global inhibition of feelings, psychosomatic symptoms. Difficulties often arise when performing routine household or office duties.

The experience of parting leaves an imprint on all subsequent relationships. Having experienced psychological trauma, people do not enter into new relationships soon. Often, a person suffers from loneliness for a long time, but does not make any attempts for a new acquaintance due to internal unpreparedness.

How women deal with breakups

Often, the most difficult thing for women is parting, so they turn to specialists more often. Some female representatives experience love addiction along with the pangs of parting. As for men, they are much less likely to be subject to such traps. Love addiction is marked by a destructive suffering state and has much in common with drug addiction. The sad experience of parting for many ladies does not pass without leaving a trace, and many women are forever disappointed in love and in the opportunity to build new relationships.

A psychologist who will deal with a woman in her painful experiences, correct distorted ideas and attitudes about herself: "I am bad," "I am a failure," and so on, can make it easier to survive parting with a loved one. The goal of the therapist will be to build self-esteem and regain a positive self-image.

How men deal with breakups

Men are also able to have strong feelings, but do not openly show their pain, so parting is often difficult for them. Most men find their solace in work, alcohol, fast driving, new relationships and promiscuous relationships. Thus, they drown out the pain of the soul.

At first, it is very difficult for men to forget their love, and they try to instill this feeling as deeply as possible, turning into more withdrawn people. Many men mistakenly believe that a short affair or a new relationship can help them forget the woman they love. Intimacy relieves tension, and also brings physical pleasure, but it will not fill the void formed after parting with a loved one. Over time, the possibility of the return of your beloved is not excluded, but the return will depend on the circumstances under which the break occurred.

It is easier for a man to experience parting when the solution to the breakup was mutual due to an exhausted relationship.

The psychologist's advice on how to survive parting with a loved one includes not dwelling on your problem. Of course, it is necessary to speak out to a loved one who will listen to you, take your side, support and then distract from gloomy thoughts.

You can make another attempt to resume the previous relationship in order not to regret in the future about your indecision. Thus, you will also reassure yourself that you should not feel sorry for the person who does not value your relationship and does not want to be with you. For yourself, you will draw the main conclusion: from now on you are not on the way and from this day your lives will flow in parallel and only intersect if necessary.

How to deal with the pain of separation? The desire of the person himself to get rid of his experiences is of great importance. Use these simple tips: go in for sports; chat with friends; walk more often in nature; meet new people; change your image; travel; make home repairs; do not retire for a long time; visit exhibitions, museums, theaters; enrich the menu with products containing serotonin (eggs, fish, nuts, honey, raisins, chocolate, fruits, seafood, vegetables); go on holidays; master self-massage, art therapy, avoid sad thoughts, read positive literature, mentally let go of the situation and build a new life.

Hello ... this is my first day when they told me "I want to be alone and live alone" ...

In short "about us". Together for 2 years, of which we live 1.4. We met, feelings flared up, everything happened quickly, after 8 months they began to live together. Everything was, and cursed, and made up violently. He is a closed person with me, with a minimum number of friends and acquaintances, but with me the opposite is true. Over time, I became the same ... only together. Nowhere and not to anyone and not to us, especially did not go anywhere (he is not interested). Home-work-shop-sometimes cinema. I tried to adjust, create coziness in rented apartments and did everything to make the person want to go home. And then I began to notice that he is less and less telling how he is doing, what is new, he does not ask me anything, although I have repeatedly tried to find out what is wrong - always "everything is fine and I am tired." And now they tell me "I want to be alone, I want to live alone, I'm tired of everything." And I understand that as soon as he leaves and moves, it will be the end. Yes, and I probably cannot forgive that they left me and left ...

Hello, I had such a situation, I lived with a guy and his mother in another city, I was tired of the reproaches of his mother, I left him, now 3 months have passed, he writes to me when I come to him that I left him that I don't need him, and I never loved him, it hurts me from these words that he thinks so, blames me for everything, I told him that I was waiting for him at my place, to which he categorically replies no, yesterday we quarreled, he wished me luck, it hurts me, why is he like that, why can't he come, how can I get through all this? I love him so much.

Hello. My relationship with a young man has been building for two years. Unfortunately, due to tight control, we both narrowed our social circle to spending time together. And frequent quarrels out of the blue did not lead to anything good. Basically, he was the instigator of the quarrel, and I ran around until about tearfully begging for forgiveness.
As a man, he also did not shine very much. For all the time I have not received a single compliment, not a single flower. And we didn't go out to the public too much. From the very beginning, the relationship began as a small family already created. Recently, there has been a noticeable reduction in our communication and the expansion of his circle of contacts. And soon I just began to listen to constant reproaches, how boring it is with me, but he did not want to correct the situation.
Now we parted for the same reason - he was tired of me. Although all this time I understood where everything was leading, parting is very difficult.
In this case, the person was not just a companion, he helped me through many anxious situations, and since I completely lost friends and trust in my family, he replaced everyone for me. He was an advisor, friend, strict father and lover.
Now, left alone, having lost the circle of communication and the thread for its creation, there is an obsession with belonging to this world. Not that my loneliness bothered me much, but it leads to disastrous consequences. The constant pastime at home clearly says that the future life, both in a career and in a relationship, will not work out. It also works by virtue of my characteristics and principles.
Remaining with a sense of aimlessness, I rush between the choice of whether I should humiliate myself again, trample my essence as a whole in the mud, just to feel the presence of this person for a moment. Although he cut off all ties, being in the same work collective will not give rest. On the one hand, you want to stand up proudly and find out your worth, but on the other hand, it becomes scary from the coming, greater disappointment.
Depression is getting worse every day. What should you do in this case?

Hello, please help! Together with her husband for 8 years, 3 of them are married, have a son (3 years). With my husband we live in rented apartments, we even lived in a communal apartment. There were moments when there was no money for bread. Then they found a decently paid job at the same company. She got pregnant, got married, went on maternity leave. The mother-in-law took the car on credit (the husband's parents are divorced, the mother-in-law lives in a civil marriage). I quit the decree due to financial difficulties, my mother took the child (1.5 years old). Then we were transferred to another city for work, my husband was promoted. Good money appeared, minus - monthly business trips for 2 weeks. Then it turns out that my husband is sponsoring his mother, since he is not able to pay for the loan. The husband's brother was recently put in a psychiatric hospital, and he has a loan. The husband is lying about his income. Recently all the lies have been revealed, he says it cannot be otherwise. He cannot refuse help, he says that from me only about money and hears that we can cope with it anyway, and then help is needed. I do not know what to do. He is 29, I am 27, there is no place of my own, the child is not with us. Tell me what to do.

Hello Olga. We advise you to understand your husband, no matter how hard it is. If you very much "strain" your spouse with this topic, there will be a misunderstanding, which will lead to sad consequences. Endure this period in your life and your spouse will be grateful to you in the future. You are still young and together you will acquire everything. It is a pity that the child is not with you, but it would be more expedient to forgive and support your husband. He, unambiguously, is also unpleasant with such a situation with loans and he will not allow this anymore.

Hello, for 9 months I have been in a relationship with a married man, I initially knew about this, we met on a dating site, apparently he was bored with his family life. He has not been married for long, only 2 years, but has known his wife for 7 years, of which he cheated on her for 5 years before marriage, respectively. But I'll start from the beginning, we began to communicate against the background of a common passion for sports - running, we ran for a month in the evenings and somehow did not notice that we got close, made friends and fell in love, the first date happened - lunch, at which he made me understand that the family was not will give up, but wants a relationship with me and will not interfere with my relationship when it occurs. I was upset and he understood it, pulled it in and kissed it - I melted .. in the evening of the same day we ran and he offered friendship, indicating that it is impossible to love two, in the end someone will be hurt. I wanted to sink into the ground. Then it was hard, but the affection was not yet so strong and I began to communicate with another guy, in order to forget, at the same time we communicated. I switched to the new martyr, exhibited photos from walks, etc. It lasted all week. He got jealous and began to act decisively to return and return, we met and it was incredibly enchanting, a coincidence by all criteria ... love is like a drug. A coincidence not only in intimacy, but in everything, we immediately agreed on sincerity, some kind of magical understanding from the half-word of a person ... in general, I tried to part with this person 5 times already, it is unbearable for me to share him with someone ... I cannot be a mistress wish. And it was terrible, we resume them again, as if we were running in a circle in different directions and constantly meeting. Now his wife is pregnant and is about to give birth. We have common goals with him, we are friends with him, we go to a common running club, we will participate in competitions. Recently I asked him a direct question - will he get divorced. The answer was - if now, my answer is no - I will not abandon my wife and child, and I have ironman goals and career growth. My goals are career-sports-family. I replied that I did not want to wait for him to have time for me. Everything is clear in my situation, I understand a lot, not a stupid person. But damn it, how to survive .. love for a person with whom the future of my dreams could be. I know that he loves me, I see, feel and hear. Please give advice.

Hello Anna. Your friend is very selfish, dragged you into a relationship and disclaims responsibility for falling in love. You are sincerely sorry, but initially he did not hide that he was married. You shouldn't have allowed yourself to fall in love with him.
We recommend that you run even more, but without it. Running perfectly helps to relieve depression, clarifies thinking. Make new acquaintances as soon as possible, go on dates, do not post happy photos on social media. networks and gradually nullify communication with him.

RUN FROM HIM!
I was in the same position, and now I am also pregnant by a married man, even though yours said he was married. You will find another, and you do not even remember this. But right now I feel very bad: birth is coming soon, lonely, depression. Don't go this way. He will not leave his wife.

The situation is as follows: the husband leaves for another woman, says that he loves her, BUT…. and without us (my family - me and 2 children) cannot live .... We have lived together for 20 years .. he has a relationship with another woman for 2-3 years ... at first, as he says, there was an attraction to her, then love, and now he wants to build a new relationship with her, he is pleased that she is near, he is calm and comfortable with her ... He said that he had set conditions for her - on my first call, he goes and solves all our problems. I am ready to help us all the time ... Do you think there is a chance that he will return to the family, because? she may get tired of his "winding" between families, she will start to arrange scenes, and it is from this that her husband left?

Hi. You see, I fell in love with one guy. Loved about 3.5 years. In the summer of 2015, he offered to meet. But in September I found out that he was asking someone else out on a date, giving her flowers. Well, our communication stopped for six months. But I still loved him. I thought there was something wrong with me. I even cried, and repeatedly, about this. And this girl is my best friend. She actually told me about the courtship of my boyfriend, though she didn't know that we were dating. We decided to remain silent. Well, we didn't communicate for six months, and he didn't really try to fix the situation. Then my friend reconciled us. And I loved him and forgave him, in order to maintain at least some kind of relationship. We talked and all that. But when we were supposed to meet, he said that he could not, that he had a competition. It was a shame ... Forgiven. Then I found out that he was asking for a picture of another, communicating with another. Of course, you can say that in addition to guys, he can have girls in his friends, and that I am too fixated on paying attention to me, but understand me that I love this person. But the bottom line was that we broke up. The initiative came from me. Well, he didn’t even make excuses, didn’t call (he never called. For the entire time of our relationship with him), didn’t try to do anything. We parted on March 11, and I still cannot forget him.
Please advise me how to forget it. And what can you say about SUCH a guy?

Hello Lera. "And what can you say about SUCH a guy" - A normal guy, he knows how to please the female sex and uses it.
"That I am too fixated on paying attention to me, but understand me that I love this person" - Most likely that the guy ranked you among the strange female personalities and did not understand your behavior.
"But when we were supposed to meet, he said he couldn't, that he had a competition." - Well, I couldn't - it happens, I had to understand him.
“The initiative came from me. We parted on March 11, and I still can't forget him. " Why forget him? If you fell in love with him, then he, in your opinion, deserves it. It's not his fault that he doesn't love you. And your decision was to end the relationship.
"Please advise me how to forget it." Despite the mental anguish, if this is a true feeling of love, then it can be carried through your whole life, feeling the pleasure of remembering it or talking about your experiences. If you persistently force yourself to forget the guy, then nothing will work, you will return to your sorrowful experiences every time. Wish him happiness mentally, he doesn't owe you anything, stop resenting him. He is a cheerful, athletic, open-minded guy, loves lightness in relationships and it is obvious that he is looking for the same girl.
We recommend that you familiarize yourself with:

Hello! I have such a situation that in the near future it will be necessary for me to leave for another country for permanent residence, we have been meeting with a young man for 3 years, we have become sufficiently attached to each other, in connection with these and some other circumstances, I consider it advisable to leave so that he can start a new life with a more suitable person, can you please tell me how I can help him get over the separation? How can I ease his suffering? Thank you very much in advance.

Hello Ksenia. Tell the guy everything as it is, so that he does not have any illusions about you and does not make plans for the future.
Tell the guy honestly that you are leaving for another country for permanent residence, so you decided to part with him. You don't need to feel sorry for him.
“How can I help him get over the separation? How can I ease his suffering? " - You will not help him in any way. He has to deal with it himself.

If your relationship is coming to an end, and parting cannot be avoided, then you should decide on this serious step as soon as possible. Time will pass, and you will realize that you did it for a reason. Perhaps, at first, life loses its rainbow colors, everything around becomes gray and joyless, but with the advent of changes, after the final rupture and understanding of its causes, it becomes easier. You can fill your life with amazing events again, meet every day with a smile and forget about disappointment and emptiness in your soul. You don't need to think about how to get over the breakup and get rid of the feeling of loneliness, you just need to preserve your memories, find new meaning in life and open up to new relationships and feelings. Letting go of a loved one after breaking up with ease means finding the strength in yourself for new victories and achievements.

Reasons why we find it difficult to part with loved ones

There are many situations, and each of us faces this, when there is no way to continue the relationship further. If you can correctly assess the situation and your actions, you will understand how to cope with the separation with dignity and avoid prolonged depression.

Online relationships

Virtual love is filled with vivid sensations and euphoria, but it rarely spills over into a real relationship or marriage. You must initially remember this and try not to get attached to the person on the other side of the screen. The main reason why we cannot abandon the society of a virtual interlocutor is loneliness. If there is no one with whom you can just talk heart to heart, then all the time you want to return to communication on the Internet, over and over again hurting yourself.

Psychologists say that if a girl continues to follow her boyfriend on social networks, writes letters to him and watches him from the sidelines, then in the end she only experiences disappointment and makes herself suffer. They advise women who want, but do not know how to survive the pain of parting, to completely distance themselves from their loved one, to distance themselves as much as possible from his life. Your task is to remove all email addresses, erase contacts, close social media pages, pay more attention to the real world and take care of your appearance. Sports activities help well, during which it is easy to find friends and like-minded people, and at the same time to acquire an ideal figure and increase your own self-esteem.

Family relationships

If you are parting with your husband after many years of family life, then it is not so much preserved feelings that prevent you from surviving parting with your loved one, but rather a habit. Everywhere in the apartment you see things that you bought together, find his clothes, familiar films and music make you feel nostalgic and sad. It turns out that you are living in the past without even trying to look ahead.

Think about the fact that you were just comfortable with this person, despite the quarrels, but now you have freedom, you can devote more time to yourself and not try to constantly please your partner, endure his betrayal or bad attitude. What will help in this situation? If the budget allows, then you need to make repairs. Get rid of all things that remind you of your ex-husband, make the atmosphere more comfortable, and cleanse the aura of the house of negative emotions.

All couples have favorite places to relax, cafes or parks, and after separation, these places should not be avoided. It is enough to visit a cafe with friends several times where you loved to spend time with your ex-boyfriend or husband, as you will understand that it remains as cozy, and the pastime is no less pleasant and surrounded by other people.

Sometimes, many women, not knowing how to survive depression after parting, shift the problems of their relationship onto mutual friends and acquaintances. In fact, it is not worth resorting to frequent psychological support from mutual friends. If you want to maintain a friendship, try to avoid the topic of separation, meet with friends when you are in a good mood, and first ask if your ex will be at the meeting.

He left

Unfortunately, it so happens that lovers part at the peak of a relationship, when feelings have not yet faded away, and it is difficult to imagine that there will be no more warm hugs, joyful moments, long-awaited meetings. Circumstances are stronger than us, because in the event of such a break, it seems that you are losing part of yourself, and this injury is incurable.

Here you need to understand and accept, as a fact, that the reasons for sad thoughts and a constant desire to be close to a loved one are vain expectations and hope. That is why you write at first gentle, and then full of resentment letters, torment yourself with experiences and cannot return to a full life, but without it. You do not understand how to get through the loneliness after breaking up, if love still owns your heart. And here only one thing will help, you need to say to yourself: "I will never see him again." Believe me, if he wanted to stay, he would have found a way to do it. And this means that you mean less to him than it seemed in the minutes of the meeting.

Think about yourself: you haven't stopped breathing, you still go to work and chat with your friends. This means that this relationship was not vital. Make a plan of action to understand yourself and understand how to get over the breakup with the guy who left and has long lived by his own interests. You can get a dog with which it will not be so lonely, and she will definitely love you. You can buy a car or go on vacation to a trendy resort. One of the best solutions is to enroll in a foreign language course and communicate every day with interesting people who will help you with advice and become loyal friends.

You should not withdraw into yourself and think about how to survive parting with your loved one if he is not interested in your feelings. You broke up because he wanted to leave. Why would you waste your time on an egoist with your own plans for a life in which there is no place for you? He left and gave you the freedom and time to find real happiness and be loved!

Almost every person has a separation stage in their lives. A breakup is considered normal and natural, since it is not always possible to immediately find your person, with whom not only strong feelings will arise, but also the desire to be together all your life. Often people fall in love or briefly light up with feelings, and then separate in various ways. How to get over the breakup for someone who was not the initiator of the breakup?

Parting is hard enough for the reason that a person has strong feelings for a former partner. It's much harder to go through a breakup when there are feelings. Even the one who breaks up may regret the deed if he actually still feels something for the one with whom he broke up.

The breakup is easily tolerated by those who have no feelings for their ex. He feels relief and a feeling of freedom after realizing that he no longer has to see and be obliged to his partner.

By the way, feelings are tested. The online magazine site understands that at the moment of parting, the rational recedes into the background, you want to cry and feel sorry for yourself. However, try to distract yourself from your tears for a moment. Realize that breaking up will allow you to:

Check the feelings of a former partner who will definitely return if he really loves you. Otherwise, he will not come to reconcile.
Understand your own feelings for your partner, which are also rarely realized as they really are.

How to get over a breakup?

Parting. This is one of the most undesirable and unpleasant events in a person's life. However, everyone is periodically faced with this phenomenon. Friends leave someone, relatives leave another, a third loses his children. But the most terrible and painful parting is when a loved one leaves you.

Why does it hurt so much? After all, you won't say that you feel joy and happiness when someone leaves you? Of course, if you leave someone, you do not experience a heavy and oppressive feeling inside. In this case, you may be sad or a little ashamed. However, you don’t get depressed, you don’t shed tears, you don’t blame yourself for mistakes, that is, you don’t do what the one who was abandoned usually does.

So why does breaking up hurt so much? Being in a non-existent reality, refusing to accept the reality - that's what causes the main pain. When a person stubbornly does not want to rebuild, in this case, negative emotions, instead of really disappearing as they get used to the new reality, turn into an instrument of torture. A person by an effort of will refuses to believe in what happened, but nevertheless constantly contacts with it and worries. He is angry with the facts, feels fear, despair, hopelessness, but does not draw any conclusions. By an effort of will, driving away thoughts that may question his previous beliefs, and ignoring facts that do not fit into the picture of his inner world, a person continues to suffer greatly and for a long time.

That is, until you accept reality with your whole being, you will get angry, despair, irritated. As long as you keep the situation of parting to yourself, returning and returning to the past, where you were with your loved one, you will not be able to rebuild, realize reality, accept it and live on, already without your soul mate.

From this, a person experiences pain after parting with a loved one, because he does not want to believe that the relationship has come to an end. As long as you hold on to the bond with another person who has left you, you will suffer. Sometimes such suffering lasts not just for months, but for whole years. Do you feel sorry for this time spent on someone you can't get back? Are you not sorry to waste your health and emotional peace on what has already passed?

Of course, you will not be able to immediately accept reality and live without experiences. You should give yourself some time so that your consciousness and subconsciousness get used to the fact of separation from your loved one. Allow yourself to cry, scream, blame yourself and others. Don't keep all the negativity in you. Expressing your emotions will help you to calm down, relax and return to the reality in which you are now living. And most importantly - remember that it is the acceptance of what is happening and the present state of affairs that will allow you to quickly get rid of the pain of parting and return to life as soon as possible, where you can find someone who wants to be with you for many years.

How to survive parting with a loved one?

A great and frequent piece of advice for those who are going through a breakup with loved ones is to bide their time. Over time, any feelings pass or dull. And if the ex-partner is not seen or heard, then the process of forgetting will be very fast. What's the secret?

Scientists talk about the appearance of love and affection due to a hormonal surge that occurs when two people meet. This hormonal "boom" occurs in all people who eventually start dating. But it passes, which is why "hormonal love" becomes impermanent. The maximum duration of the hormonal surge is 3 years. But for each person, this period may differ. If your partner has cooled with feelings, it means that his hormones have ceased to affect him. He left because the hormones stopped playing in the blood.

If you are still hormonally attached to a person, then it is worth the wait. Your hormones will soon stop playing too, and love will pass to the one who broke off the relationship. It just turned out that your partner's "hormonal boom" passed faster than yours.

How do people go about parting?

Each person experiences parting with their beloved partner in their own way. Depression and a decrease in self-esteem become frequent during the period of experiencing a breakup. This is due to the fact that a person is being rebuilt. He needs to get used to a lifestyle that will be dedicated to himself and will not include a former partner.

Scientists say that people have a hard time parting, not because someone left them, but because they no longer get those emotions and feelings that they experienced in relationships with partners. In other words, people do not miss their ex, but the emotions they received around them.

Each person experiences parting in their own way. There are two main positions:

- when a person feels sorry for himself, cries, feels helpless and unable to do anything, cannot influence the circumstances, takes offense at the former.
- when a person hates, shows anger and aggression towards the one who left him.

Can a loving person part over a trifle? This question becomes especially exciting when it is not you, but your partner who initiated the breakup, while you are absolutely not ready to part. A person leaves you who says that he loves, and the reason for your separation is some trifle (petty quarrel, misunderstanding, bad mood, etc.).

If a person loves, then he will endure a lot and go through many difficulties. But if a person does not love, then any little thing will become a reason for parting.

Think for yourself: if something is very important and valuable to you, you agree to give it up only because you are in a bad mood or there are some difficulties. Of course, you are upset because of the problems, then having calmed down, resigned, you return to what is valuable and loved to you. And when something is not important or valuable to you, how do you behave? You are happy to refuse this, both for reason and for no reason. But since breaking off a relationship for no reason does not look very nice and understandable, a person who does not love is just waiting for the slightest mistake on the part of a partner to leave him (and at the same time be right in the eyes of others and his own).

Can a loving person part over a trifle? No, he can not. He can leave for a day or two to calm down, but then return to the one he loves. If there is no love, then any trifle will become a reason for parting.

How do women deal with breakups?

Women are more likely to experience painful parting with their beloved men. Psychologists are often faced with the fact that women have a love addiction to those with whom the relationship has collapsed. Love addiction makes women see the reasons for the gap in themselves, engage in self-flagellation, suffer and not notice anything around them.

It is not uncommon for women to turn to psychologists in order to get rid of suffering due to a break in relations. Psychologists are working to restore women's self-esteem and bring them back to reality.

How do men deal with breakups?

Men are no less difficult to endure a breakup, but they behave in a different way. Men often begin to drink too much or use illegal drugs, walk or, conversely, lock themselves in the house. It seems to many that quick affairs and sex with other women will help in the experience. However, it is not. Intimacy relieves physical stress, but does not help in solving mental problems. Usually, women who appear in a man's life immediately after a breakup do not stay long in his life.

It is normal for a man to experience a breakup if the decision to end the relationship was mutual or not so unexpected.

Each person will decide for himself how to deal with parting. However, the psychologist gives such advice:

Do not get hung up on the problem, occupy your head with other matters, worries, questions.
Try to rebuild the relationship, if possible.
Distract yourself with various activities: work, new hobbies, new acquaintances, etc.

Outcome

In love relationships, it is not uncommon for partners to part. It is at this very moment, when the relationship "hangs in the balance", partners ask themselves the question: to leave or return back a loved one?

Leave or stay? Throw or go back? On the one hand, you understand that your union has ceased to please, but on the other hand, you still want to continue what you had. What should you do in such a situation?

The wise truth says the following: you need to leave when you understand that you do not love your partner. If you feel that you do not want to be close to someone with whom you have a relationship, then you can safely part. It doesn't make sense to store something that doesn't really exist. If at least one of the partners no longer wants to be with his companion, it is better to leave than to torment yourself and your "companion in grief".

However, if the breakup is provoked by some kind of problems, a mismatch of opinions, fatigue or an emotional quarrel, then it is better to return everything back. If you broke up out of stupidity (otherwise you cannot name an emotional quarrel), then you will suffer because of your deed.

In psychology, there is such a thing as "unfinished relationship". This is when partners broke up only on the external level, but on the psychological and emotional level they still continue to meet. This state of affairs can be observed quite often. Former spouses continue to communicate, sometimes make love, the man continues to help the ex in her work, the woman continues to miss and sometimes meet with the ex - these and many other cases when ex-partners broke up, but continue to maintain some kind of contacts, suggest that in fact, they continue the relationship. People did not part on the psychological and emotional levels, which means they did a stupid thing when they broke the union on the outside.

We parted. Leave or return back? To answer this question correctly, answer another: if you break up, will you be free and happy? If you are happy about your lonely existence, then you really need to part. However, if you understand that you will be unhappy and will become bored after the breakup, then it is better to focus your efforts on normalizing the relationship. You are not ready to part, which means that you have the opportunity to change everything and make it so that the question of parting no longer arises, since you are happy in your relationship with your loved one.

Today our freelance non-psychologist Sergey Sergeyevich Myak will tell us how to understand ourselves and understand that the relationship has come to an end and it's time to move on.

When you break up with someone, it’s okay to feel pity, guilt, and regret, and you don’t need to get rid of it. The person you have a relationship with is probably part of your wonderful story, and there were a number of reasons why you wanted to date him. Accordingly, in the past you have had happy moments that have left happy memories.

And then a feeling of regret and doubt begins to take hold of you. How so, after all, everything was wonderful! And there are a lot of couples experiencing such feelings. They continue the relationship by inertia, because of convenience, fear - they are afraid, including that they will not meet anyone better, hold on to each other, although they do not experience any strong feelings.

But sooner or later you still come to the conclusion that you no longer have the strength to see this "face", and you want to climb the wall, stuff all the scattered socks into his throat deeper, and the raised seat in the toilet becomes the cause of a violent fantasy about how you lower go there and hit his head with this seat. His touches cause a tremor, but no longer a tender thrill, the sound of his voice or SMS is like the creak of a floorboard or scratching on glass, I generally keep quiet about sex.

What used to touch you, now makes you resent, and your sweet thoughts about the fact that opposites attract, turn into dust when you cannot find a common point on some very important life issues. But this does not mean that he is bad or you are bad, it is just that you are different to such an extent that it does not work.

For example, his categorical unwillingness to have children can become a stumbling block. It is not at all necessary to leave him right away, but if there are many such moments - and he does not want to marry, and does not want to live together, and does not want a family - with so many discrepancies with your desires, you should seriously think about parting.

In my experience, people with similar interests and attitudes form stronger couples and build stronger marriages. And there is nothing wrong with the fact that someone in a pair loves more, someone less. Someone still has to lead a couple, and this is not determined at all by gender.

There are things for which you have to be responsible, and when you start dating someone, you allow this person to enter your inner world, take a certain share of responsibility and assign a certain share to him. But all the same, you have you, your consciousness, and if you understand that communication with this person contradicts the embodiment of your desires and your dreams, a comfortable existence, you need to draw conclusions.

Sometimes it happens that you just made a mistake and fell in love with another - this is normal. It's not okay if you are looking for this in a relationship. Looking for new love in this case is cowardice. You are so afraid of being alone that you want to cover your ass. This is ugly neither in relation to the person with whom you have a relationship and to whom you are hurting, nor in relation to your new lover, nor in relation to yourself.

No need to build illusions. You will not be able to return to those days with a ride on a merry-go-round, butterflies in your stomach and music on the street at the first kiss. These moments either remain with you always, and you carry them through life, or you need to accept the fact that this is the end.

When you break someone's heart, you must feel remorse. You hurt the person you have a close relationship with, but the relationship is primarily built on trust and rational honesty. To pity a person is to humiliate feelings and your relationships. You may feel sorry for a kitten on the street, but feel sorry for a man - to think that he is unable to go further in life, to endure this pain, i.e. in fact, pitying him, you do not respect the person. Will cry, suffer and forget. You will worry longer about leaving him than he will. Your pity is a cover for your weakness. If you are afraid to leave him, then you yourself are not ready.

If there is a relationship, and you understand that it has come to an end, and you cannot continue fair play, leave. And do not throw it over the phone, by SMS - it will not say anything good about you. I would have crossed myself in the place of this and moved on. Do not do it with pathos and tragedy, do not stage performances, do not say goodbye without explaining the reasons, but you do not need to delve into them for a long time (arguments from the series "you are a dirty cattle", "your mother is a complete fool, and friends are alcoholics" are not norm).

Talk normally, without accusations, because if you have the strength on them, most likely you are not ready to break up, and you still have feelings.
And do not say pathetically: "You will find yourself another amazing woman" - while pronouncing this phrase as if you want to say: "I was your last chance, now you are definitely a khan."

Be honest in your relationship and when you break up, and respect the person regardless of the reasons you are breaking up. You don't have to endure, grit your teeth and you don't have to be afraid - if you are afraid to part with a person, you are afraid to live. Today you will part, tomorrow you will go out and you will have a new life. Parting in perspective is always a new meeting. You will never be alone, because you have yourself.

Each of us at least once heard painfully cruel words - “let's part”. Yesterday, dearly beloved, such a close person was happy with you, but today he decided to leave, destroying all plans and faith in a common future. Despair, resentment, indescribable pain settle in the soul, gradually destroying it. Ahead are sleepless nights, inconsolable tears and the only question: "How to survive this moment, what to do next?"

You can cope with this situation, just make a little effort and finally come to terms with the fact that your loved one is no longer around. Almost all psychologists advise to let go of the departed, to find positive moments in parting. This is not as difficult as it might seem. Life is not over, it is just beginning, many more pleasant meetings and good impressions await you ahead.

Why is breaking up so hard

When a loved one leaves you, you get the strongest mental trauma that is not easy to survive. Psychologists assure that the main reasons for such a reaction are:

True love - it is this feeling that inflicts the greatest wound, because a person completely surrenders to wonderful sensations, not even suspecting that the chosen one can do this. It will take a long time to come to terms with the loss, maybe even several years.
Strong affection for each other - for many years together they leave an imprint in the memory. It is extremely difficult to come to terms with the fact that everything is over and the moments experienced will never be repeated.
Fear of being alone - the abandoned person is very worried about this, his self-esteem deteriorates sharply. After parting, sad thoughts appear: "Suddenly, I will never be happy again and will remain alone forever." Such thoughts interfere with the current situation, oppress and catch up with a strong melancholy.
The desire to suffer - a person forces himself to experience various situations, listens to sad music, constantly recalling joyful, happy days spent together. These thoughts return us to the past, which will never be again. This condition interferes with recovery, depressing, causing severe harm to the psyche.

Experts are convinced that the departed is much easier to go through parting. This is due to his own initiative and deliberation of the decision. That is, for him this is a serious step, which he himself decided, weighed all the pros and cons.

Anger, resentment and anger evoke the realization of the fact that the once loved one did not want to be around and continue the relationship. It is this moment that strongly clings, delivering maximum suffering. Usually a man is calm and restrained, in control of himself, does not show his emotions. He had long gone through the pain of parting when he decided for himself that he needed to end the relationship.

A woman is more emotional, she is inclined to create a family where harmony, comfort and mutual understanding reign. Her husband and children are in the first place, their well-being, home comfort, and not her own happiness. If a woman is deprived of this opportunity, misunderstanding and feelings of guilt arise - "What did I do wrong, why did it happen to me?"

For a man, experiments are more important, he is always ready for changes and new relationships, therefore, most often he leaves the family. He has been pondering his decision for years and at one point is ready to cross everything out. Even if the other half tries to soften the blow, there will be no less suffering.

There are times when a couple mutually decided to leave. Both people noticed that their feelings had cooled, they had exhausted themselves. This situation obliges them to disperse, because people are unhappy together, so it's time for them to look for new ways separately. If after a while love does not return, then the relationship should not be continued.

Negative emotions last for about six months. The wound is gradually healed and only sometimes makes itself felt. Soon, the abandoned person himself wonders why he was so worried, what was special about the relationship? A completely different story when it comes to a couple who have lived for more than 10 years. They are connected by mutual friends, children, relatives.

Former spouses in the first year do not even think about starting a new relationship. It seems to them that there will be no more happiness, and after a couple of years they realize how insignificant the problem was. Life goes on, the birds are singing, the grass turns green, there is no more reason to suffer. This turning point is the first step into a new life. Women begin to notice the opposite sex, sympathy appears, and the pain of separation is dulled. At the sight of the former, feelings of resentment no longer arise, the wound has practically healed.

To make it easier to survive parting, experts recommend soberly assessing the situation, accepting it as it is. It is enough to let go of the past, banish the negativity and find positive moments in separation.

Parting protects you from false feelings. A relationship that has been exhausted for a long time is not needed by anyone. Indifference on the part of the chosen one will bring even more suffering. Now you get to know people better and understand life. You need to treat the problem as another test that fate presented. If this happened, then you are on the right track and happiness will soon overtake you.

Separation is easier to deal with if you follow these tips:

Let go of the past - if the person decided so, he had a reason for it. Understand that the beloved needs to be allowed to go. Yes, it will be painful, difficult, offensive, but it is important to get rid of any thoughts about the past from your head, forbid yourself to even remember that time. It is not easy, but possible;
Rid yourself of negativity - this feeling is bad for your health in general. You need to forget about resentment, pain, hatred that burns from the inside, Throw away all thoughts about a person who trampled on your soul and heart. Memories only harm, cause new tears and a wave of disappointment;
Convince yourself that happiness is “just around the corner” - you can't lie in bed and shed tears, you need to understand that a breakup is the end of a relationship, but also the beginning of something new. It is important to believe that you can still be loved. Enjoy simple things, believe in miracles;
Communicate - do not avoid acquaintances, walk with friends, visit relatives. Communication and support of loved ones helps to cope with any grief. Tell them about your feelings, share your experiences, open your soul, and relief will surely come.

It all depends on you, draw conclusions and continue living.

How to recover from a breakup if the relationship has been long

A marriage that lasts for many years most often falls apart due to betrayal, cooled feelings or mutual misunderstanding. It is very difficult to survive such stress, because besides love, there is also attachment, a habit. Our subconscious refuses to accept the situation. At the psychological level, we cannot imagine life without a loved one.

But, this is exactly what needs to be done - to accept, to discard all illusions, to learn to live independently. It is not necessary to completely forget the person, it is enough to let him go and accept the breakup for granted. To make it easier to perceive a breakup, refer to proven methods:

Change your appearance. As psychologists say, radical reincarnation helps to recover. You can change your wardrobe, hair color, haircut, throw away all your old clothes and buy new ones. Go to the salon, any girl feels calm and at ease there.
Get a pet. An affectionate cat or playful dog will cheer you up, eliminating the feeling of loneliness. You will know that someone is waiting for you at home, and your pet is always glad to your return.
Go in for sports. Regular exercise or morning jogging returns strength, energy and good spirits. Keeping yourself in good shape will create a sense of confidence and attractiveness.
Read it. Positive literature changes the view of the world, gives good emotions, and inspires. Choose classic or psychology. With the help of the book, you can revise the situation, evaluate the behavior of people in various situations, forget about disorders, learn to build life in a new way.
Shopping. Shopping can help combat stress by improving your mental health. You will be distracted from what happened and can get through a difficult time much easier. Better yet, go shopping with your girlfriends.
Begin renovation. Changing the interior is good for the emotional state. You have the opportunity to radically change your life and living conditions. Change everything from wallpaper to furniture so that nothing else reminds you of your loved one.
Diversify your leisure time. Do not withdraw into yourself, go to public places. Cultural development gives inspiration, brings you closer to beauty, and develops spiritually. No need to stand in one place, improve.
Take a trip. New places allow you to experience unforgettable emotions. A long trip provides an opportunity to reflect, to see that life is in full swing somewhere, it continues, no matter what. Analyze why your loved one left, what needed to be changed, and how to avoid mistakes in future relationships.
Meet new people. Now more than ever you need communication. Organize a party, have fun and relax. This method allows you to return the desire to live.

Coping with a breakup is not easy, sometimes you have to completely change your habits and worldview. It is important to understand that nothing can be returned, you will have to live differently, without that person. Stop looking to blame and blame yourself. Forget about it soon. Perhaps later you will become friends, but now it is useless. The main goal is to realize what happened and learn to live independently.

Forgive all insults, make a decision of the soul mate, get rid of anger and hatred. All you need is to accept, because nothing can be returned. Put not commas, but bold periods, then reconciliation with the situation will come faster.