How to Maintain Passion in a Relationship: Tips from a Famous Ballet Couple Anticipate the joy of sex. ways to bring back the old passion
How to Maintain Passion in a Relationship Passion in a relationship fades away already for 2-3 years of a relationship. This is natural - partners get used to each other, become something ordinary and familiar, simple and permanent. In such a state of passion there is no place, because passion is, first of all, the desire to possess, to conquer again and again. When the husband becomes a close and dear person, the desire to own him passes, because he already belongs to the woman undividedly. Maintaining passion in a relationship takes the effort of both partners. Not everyone succeeds in achieving this, this process can be equated with art. Passion remains where some coolness, a pause, a distance between a man and a woman periodically appear, but not physically, but spiritually. After quarrels, spouses always become more tender towards each other, this can be easily seen in the relationship of many couples. The period of a quarrel is a small parting, a temporary coolness in feelings. But after a pause, the spouses are even more striving for a meeting, for reconciliation with each other. The same happens if one of the partners is addicted to something, devoting some part of himself to this activity. This is also a temporary separation, because one of you gives your attention and energy not to your beloved, but to some other action, at this time thoughts are not occupied with relationships, and the sensual side fades a little. But this is temporary, and this process is natural! After that, you will happily want to spend time with your beloved, often there is a desire to do something pleasant for your beloved, for example, arrange a romantic dinner while watching your favorite movies. It is necessary to leave your home comfort zone more often, arrange pleasant unexpected surprises, romantic evenings - everything, as in the first period of courtship, when the emotional side was more priority than household chores. Even an evening at the cinema will add a little romantic touch to your relationship. There is no need to try to make up for the feeling of euphoria on the side, you need to bring romance into an existing relationship. Although it is worth noting that a love affair on the side sometimes gives a woman such emotional turmoil that she looks at her husband in a different way, begins to appreciate him more. Or, on the contrary, she realizes that this is not her man, and goes completely in search of another. If there was a betrayal in your family on one or both sides, then this painful event sometimes comes in a couple to awaken the spouses from the dream in which they were, forgetting about who is next to them. You need to live through the pain and already enter into new relationships with others, opening other facets of love. Irina Gavrilova Dempsey
We never know what awaits us beyond the horizon beyond which the wedding procession with happy newlyweds leaves. But we hope that ahead will be "and they lived happily ever after," but what about the situation in reality?
As practice shows, almost all couples who have been married for more than a couple of years note that there are crises, acute, protracted, and there are problems in relationships that extinguish feelings. But still, if you marry and marry for love, then any spark of passion can be supported and kindled to a flame! And psychologists do not get tired of gushing with advice on how to achieve this.
Marketium offers you 15 of the most effective, in our opinion, ways to help keep romance and passion.
1. Kisses goodnight
Never neglect such a small thing as a kiss at night or before leaving for work. It is only part of your ritual that brings the spouses closer.
2. Obligations
When you get married, you must understand. Not just nodding, but actually understanding that this is not a game, but serious obligations to each other for life. Otherwise, later you may simply be disappointed or you will get bored with life in marriage. You need to be prepared for the fact that there are more routines in marriage than anniversaries and holidays.
3. The power of gifts
Give each other nice little gifts. Ideally, when they are completely unexpected and understandable only for the two of you.
4. I love you
This is the truest, strongest and most beautiful word that you can say to your spouse. Believe me, this is not just a phrase, this is a magical spell that will strengthen your union with each pronunciation.
5. Dust in the eyes
Never. NEVER! Do not sort things out in public. Do not joke, do not tease, do not growl at each other. Before the eyes of the public, you must radiate love and happiness. And this is not deception, not pretense, this is a strong armor for your relationship.
6. Mutual assistance
Help each other more often. With housework, childcare, or even advice on job responsibilities. This will also add to your understanding and warmth.
7. Reliable rear
Never let anyone talk bad about your couple. And you yourself never speak badly about your soul mate. Even in hearts.
8. Answer every call
If your husband or wife calls you, texts you or addresses you while you are sitting in front of the TV or in a book, answer. Take a moment and be sure to answer. If you are so busy that there is simply not a second, take half a second to let your partner know that you are very busy, but take the time to respond later.
9. Thank you
A kind word and the cat is pleased. How about if you put all your love and affection into the banal “Thank you” after dinner or for the advice, pronounce it so that this “Thank you” becomes the best gift !?
10. Extinguish the conflict
love-shops
If an unpleasant situation happened because of one of you, the trip was disrupted, the hotel reservation did not go through, or the money was lost, pull yourself together. After all, there is nothing more important than health and your feelings. Together you will find a way to solve the problem, and separately you will only aggravate the situation with the conflict.
11. Respect each other's time
Do you have plans for the evening? Business trip, meeting with friends or rush at work? Tell about it as much in advance as possible, and you will avoid dissatisfaction from the half who spent the whole evening at home.
12. Touch each other
Yes Yes! Touch each other. Walk arm in arm or hand, if you like it, lower your head on your spouse's shoulder, hug, stroke, kiss your wrists. The more you touch each other, the stronger the contact between you.
13. Pay attention
If you dine or drink coffee in a cafe with your spouse, watch a movie with him or her, or just walk around the city, look at him, pay attention to him. Do not write SMS to friends, do not call colleagues and, God forbid, do not look after every man or woman passing by, beautiful clothes or a passing car.
14. Have sex!
Don't talk about him, don't think. But do it. Do not want? Do it anyway. It ignites passion and makes the bond between partners stronger. This is the best way to build relationships!
15. General rule
nakonu
ALWAYS! CHOOSE! LOVE!
Parents, children, friends, interesting books, films or work. All this is temporary. They all come and go, and only with your spouse sooner or later you will have to be left alone, and it depends only on you whether it will be pleasant or unpleasant communication.
Frankly speaking, looking at these simple, frankly, primitive points, tears come to my eyes. Because we ignore 90% of them, and then go to psychologists to save our marriage. Isn't it that simple?
Press service
The love story of Alexander Stoyanov and Ekaterina Kukhar began seven years ago. On stage, they look incredibly harmonious, possibly due to the fact that in real life they are husband and wife who are raising two children.
In an exclusive interview for Ivona, the Ukrainian Prima Ballerina Yekaterina Kukhar and the Premier of the National Opera of Ukraine Alexander Stoyanov spoke about how to maintain the passion and romance of a couple who are together 24 hours a day.
Tell your love story. How did it all start?
Alexander: It all started in the early days of my work in the theater, when I saw Catherine in the ballet hall. And after that, slowly but surely, I won her heart. Of course I had to try (laughs).
Catherine: In the theater, we were united as a ballet couple. To be completely honest, after meeting Sasha, I thought that we would not work together. At our rehearsals, the air could literally catch fire, the atmosphere was so tense.
Alexander: It's true, almost every rehearsal we did ended in a fight. Katya did not even know that I was in love with her. But a year later, everything changed.
Catherine: My heart melted on the coast of Spain after the tour. Incredible romance reigned around. We were with Sasha alone, the embankment, the moon, we swam, laughed and at that moment, somehow, even the stars shone for us in a special way.
Press service
More often than not, passion disappears due to the disappearance of novelty in a relationship. How do you keep the couple intimidated?
Alexander: I think our profession also plays a significant role in our relations. We often tour abroad. After living in Kiev, we come on tour to another country, and it is as if our honeymoon begins again.
Catherine: We, as artists, have the opportunity to reincarnate and see each other in different ways. For example, at the beginning of spring we had a tour in Switzerland, we danced Swan Lake, I was in the role of Odile, the white swan, and Odette, the black swan. After the tour in Kiev, we played in the play Figaro, it is light, emotional, with humor, and this is reflected in our mood. After that I danced the role of the seductive Shaherizada, and Sasha was my slave - these are oriental notes, in America we had Spanish motives from Don Quixote... It seems to me that this is a very big plus in my work, because with a change in role I change not only my clothes, style, hairstyle, make-up, but I also emotionally reincarnate for a certain period. If I were not a ballerina, an actress, I would have had to come up with something on purpose. And so everything is very harmonious in my life and has a positive effect on our relationship with Sasha.
You just mentioned stage roles. On stage, all emotions should be brighter. How do you play passion with other partners, if, for example, you are not dancing with Sasha?
Catherine: We live on the stage! We are not acting, we are living the role of our characters. One of my favorite games is Carmen. The performance is loved by the audience for its fiery temperament and high degree of passion on stage, for its emotional music.
The Spanish temperament is very close to me. “I’m right, even if I’m wrong. I live the way I feel “! Even several times I almost moved there to live. The first time after graduating from college I was offered a contract in Madrid. The second time was a very stormy romance on the island of Ibiza. So I know a lot about passion, temperament, Spain and the love triangle. This can be seen on June 11, Alexander Stoyanov and Arutr Gaspar and I are dancing the performance Carmen Suite.
Does work add routine to a relationship? What helps you keep enjoying each other?
Alexander: We feel good together. We do not get tired of each other. And even vice versa. The slightest parting brings us discomfort. Although we ourselves understand that, in theory, this is a little strange. Maybe this is because we are not only husband and wife for each other, and a couple at work, but also the closest friends.
Do you surprise each other?
Alexander: Relaxation and proper massage are very important for our profession. And I decided to go to the courses. At the same time, he also mastered the technique of non-standard massage, which will not be superfluous in family life.
Catherine: It seems to me that a woman in a family is responsible for a spark in a relationship - this is a good way to forget about everyday problems and remember about love. For example, you can rent a beautiful hotel room and invite your husband out on a date, thus celebrating a date.
Press service
Your family now has two children. The youngest daughter is one year old. This is usually a difficult period for a married couple. Has your relationship changed with the birth of your child?
Alexander: Relationships have changed for the better. For me, Katya has become even closer and dearer.
“I love my wife, I wish her well, I want her to be happy,” John confesses to a psychotherapist. “But there are such moments ...” - a joking gesture suggests that sometimes he is not averse to strangling the one he loves so much. Routine, monotony, boredom are the most appropriate words to describe the family life of John and Jane, heroes of the famous American film "Mr. and Mrs. Smith" (directed by Doug Lyman). For five years of marriage, not a trace remained of a romantic infatuation with each other. The picture is more than recognizable. “You probably think that you are the only one faced with similar problems. But the same difficulties are experienced by millions of couples around the world, ”the psychotherapist explains to John. And in the same way, millions of people are looking, like John and Jane, the answer to the question: "How to fall in love with your husband / wife again?"
Even if our relationship with a partner is quite warm and friendly, sometimes we lack the inspiration and feeling of flight that we experienced together! In the film, the writers offer their own answer - within the genre of a comedy action movie. The heroes have to find out the true face of their partner: both turn out to be classified superspy, who are tasked with destroying each other. Of course, there is no trace of boredom here, and after an outbreak of hostility, an inevitable happy ending sets in, when John and Jane relive an ardent love.
The plot is, of course, fantastic, but psychologically the film is very accurate. The questions he poses are worth asking ourselves when our life as a couple begins to seem insipid and monotonous. Do we really love who we live with? And if so, why sometimes we almost hate him? How well do we know him? And how much do we know ourselves? And most importantly - with what kind of furs can we fan the coals of feelings so that the flame flares up again? Here's what our experts suggest.
Learn new things to live in the present
The birth of feeling in the words of Arseny Tarkovsky "First dates", 1962
... You have awakened and transformed the everyday human vocabulary, And speech was filled up to the throat with full-sounding power, and the word you revealed Your new meaning and meant: king.
Everything in the world was transformed, even Simple things - a basin, a jug - when Layered and solid water stood between us, as if on guard.
We were led to no one knows where. Before us parted like mirages, Built by a miracle of the city, Itself lay mint under our feet, And the birds were with us on the way, And the fish climbed the river, And the sky unfolded before our eyes ...
When fate followed the trail behind us, Like a madman with a razor in his hand.
A. Tarkovsky "Poems of Love" (Eksmo, 2009)
Peter Dmitrievsky, family psychologist
A relationship in a couple is a "project" in which joy and pain, lightness and effort are intricately intertwined. And it seems that the initial period of falling in love is a cunning move invented by nature to force us to connect two lives. In this state, the brain produces oxytocin, amphetamine, endorphin - substances that affect mood, give a feeling of flight, omnipotence, inspiration, and forgiving love. But this condition is temporary, and it is not in our power to prolong this "biochemistry". The task of the spouses during the cooling-off period is not to reproduce the old feelings, but together to explore what hinders intimacy and to look for new resources “here and now”. Latent dissatisfaction blocks mutual interest, but in a difficult conversation, the two may get to know each other again. It is equally important to master new areas together. Whatever partners choose, the main thing is to experience a feeling of renewal, freshness in a relationship. These experiences will not be as intense as at the beginning of the novel, but more mature and stable.
Learn to love a real person
Alexander Uskov, psychoanalyst
I'm not sure there is any way to revive feelings. After all, there is magic in love, a mystery that cannot be controlled. However, all good things, including love, are subject to extinction, and keeping what we have and not letting it collapse is one of the main existential challenges facing a person. And here you really need to make efforts: to know and understand yourself, the motives of your actions, your relationship with your partner. At the stage of falling in love, we idealize the other, and later we will inevitably be disappointed. If the relationship no longer suits us, it is worth asking the question: maybe, which does not really exist? Or are we still interested and need this real person? We can only handle our frustration, anger, resentment, jealousy, and other destructive feelings if authenticity is at the core of our relationship.
About it
"For a long time. Happily. Together "A. Bowman
Can a doomed marriage be saved? Falling in love with the person you hate at times? Or encourage him to solve problems together? This book is not just a frank and exciting story of one married couple, but also a chance for everyone who wants to keep the ardor of feelings and live together, like in an old fairy tale, happily ever after (Eksmo, 2011).
The only way is to change yourself
Vadim Petrovsky, transaction analyst
One of the reasons a couple's relationships become insipid is addiction. We know our partner like the back of his hand: what he will say, how he will react, how he will act. But after all, at the first stage of the relationship - the stage of falling in love - we experienced a feeling of overwhelming novelty, discovering another person for ourselves! Therefore, when we feel that the relationship has become routine, we should try to find something new, unexpected in ourselves, change not our appearance, but our way of life, way of thinking. New hobbies and activities - whether it be singing, learning foreign languages or something else, new acquaintances and friends, new roles that we take on ourselves - all this helps us to discover new facets of our individuality - for ourselves, which means and for our partner. Trying to change the other is doomed to failure. Only by changing ourselves, we also renew our relationship with a loved one.
Anticipate the joy of sex
Alain Héril, sexologist
Of course, sexuality is no longer as violent and overflowing as at first, in those happy times when sex was a way to get to know another and yourself in order to become closer. After a few years, sex doesn't happen that often. And it creates a feeling of guilt, makes you doubt. What is happening, why are we unable to love each other as much as unwritten standards dictate? Or maybe it's better to get the idea of quantitative change out of your head first? Give yourself a worthy challenge: quality. Have sex, maybe once a month (or once a year - it doesn't matter if both agree), but in such a way as to anticipate this date in fantasies, dream about it. And so prepare for a new meeting.
The birth of feeling in the words of Erich Maria Remarque "Three comrades", 1936
“Suddenly it seemed to me that she was not the same. Maybe because I hadn’t seen her for so long, but she seemed to me not at all the same as before. Her movements became smoother, her skin warmer, and even her gait, even the way she walked towards me - everything was somehow different ... She was no longer just a beautiful girl who needed to be protected, there was something new in her, and if before I often did not know whether she loved me, now I clearly felt it. She hid nothing else; full of life, close to me as never before, she was beautiful and gave me even more happiness ... "
E. M. Remarque "Three comrades" (Astrel, 2012).
Some believe that passion in a relationship will fade over time. How to keep passion in a relationship? As soon as the first hobby has passed, and it turns out that your person is no longer Hercules, the passion disappears somewhere. The truth is that it is very easy to ignite passion, but the real art is to keep it ...
How to maintain passion in relationships and in marriage?
When sex becomes a routine and there is no breath of freshness and energy in it, and you feel that your relationship is turning cold, this is a sign that you have lost passion for each other somewhere. Do not lie to yourself and convince yourself that the loss of passion in a relationship is the same fact as, for example, after the night comes the day. But this is very far from the truth!
There are women who are icons of passion. Modern girls should take their lead. These include Cleopatra, Marilyn Monroe, and Sophia Loren. The bedrooms of these women were always hot. It was not their beauty that led them to become a role model for many thousands of women, but intelligence, charm and determination in action. It is optimistic, however, but the fact that each of us knows the tricks of these three seductive ladies. The problem is that young women today cannot use them.
Routine
The first enemy of passion is routine. As soon as everything was new, every touch was accompanied by tremors and goosebumps. For hours going on a date, and abundantly splashed with eau de toilette. Today you can know how many moles he has on his body and walk around the apartment naked without embarrassment. The euphoria has expired and this is good, because if the state of falling in love remained forever, one could die of love. Falling in love develops into affection, but it should not be boring and devoid of this magical hot spark.
How to keep passion in a relationship? Stores with various types of goods are now available to you. Buy something new, let him see that you are dressed up for him. Light candles in the bedroom, buy scented oils. Routine is, first of all, monotony and callous, boring scheme. If you have slept naked so far, this time wear lace lingerie and a sexy shirt. Sometimes a new haircut (I know this after myself), seductive underwear or a candlelit dinner has a beneficial effect on a relationship. It should be different every time, like the first time! You can take even more risks and buy a board game from a sex shop where a roll of the dice decides what you will do in the evening. Thus, nothing can be planned and spontaneity will be accompanied by a pleasant thrill.
Stress
Another enemy of passion is. Give yourself some slack, you often attribute this to fatigue (yours or your partner's). Fatigue, meanwhile, has little effect on bedroom rejection than stress. Cortisol, called the stress hormone, decreases libido in both sexes. Stress attacks everywhere: at university, at work, on the road in a traffic jam. A good remedy for all this is to travel out of town. Even 2 days of rest will act as the world's best aphrodisiac. Changing the environment makes it easier to relax. Can't you leave? Go for a long walk in the woods, go to the pool, or order a pizza and eat on the carpet. Perhaps for a walk or on the carpet you will remember what the word passion means ...
Every woman knows that nothing works like praise. Men love to be appreciated. Therefore, praise and admire them. They do not tolerate criticism, or rather cannot stand it. Men can do anything for us, so know how to maintain passion in a relationship. It's worth using it sometimes ...
Have you lost passion in your relationship? How did you get out of this situation?