How people live people hate their own mother. I hate my mother: the causes of stretched relationships and ways to strengthen related links

I had usual childhood, which a child can be in a disadvantaged family. I "raised" mom, father from her prudently gone. It makes no sense to tell what it is, to live with the parents of alcoholics, in my case with the mother. Those who are lucky to have normal parents - will not understand, and those who are not lucky - we are all about the same, scored little animals, incredulous, who do not know the love and not able to love, and still having a huge feeling of guilt for parents who do not even stand our motherhood. I just want to tell, about one nasty situation that I realized only a few years later.

As I already wrote above, my mother was an alcoholic, plus she was a lonely young woman, respectively, almost every day she had a bunch of drinking men and most of them would not mind to squeeze a little girl while her mother was drunk somewhere. I was saved only that I perfectly read the mood of people, it is like super supercoperation - which my body has developed to survive in those wild conditions. And as soon as I understood that Mother's uncle becomes some fruitful and too shyly sniffed to me, I felt that I needed to hide somewhere, I said that I was going to my girlfriend, went out through the door and from the street, climbed the balcony and sat There quietly. And in general, it always helped me, I hid earlier than a person would lose the last residues of morality.

And once, mom was visiting some kind of man who recently released from the jail. And in the midst of their booins, Mom makes me go with him to the store, although I don't understand why I was 7 years old at that time, time day and I decided that in the afternoon this man hardly do something, I will do something with Him to the store. After the store, he invites me to go with him to walk into the forest, nearby there really was a small grove. I, though small, but I understood everything perfectly, so I refused, saying that Mom is waiting for us from the store, but he kept my hand and did not let go, saying that Mom allowed and we could walk through the forest, look at the birds.

I realized that I can't call for help, it was my injury after a strong burn, I lick my voice in a stressful situation. And instead of a scream, only whisper. Therefore, I decided that it was necessary to act a cunning, I pretended to see ideas to look at the birds, told him:
- Let me run away by your purchase mom, and you wait here. And he said this with a cheerful voice, so he did not suspect that a seven-year-old girl was deceiving him.

I ran home, gave your mother's mom, my mother began to ask, and why Sergey did not come, I also lied something in something, then in a few days, my mother again being in a drunken street, began to yell on me and call me a prostitute, then forced me to lie on Paul, push the legs and began to watch a virgin if I still! Remembering it all, I have tears again, because when she beat me and insulted with words, it was not so humiliating - like this "medical examination".

Only in a few years I understood, she specifically sent me with the man to the store, and then checked - how everything went. I have it all causes an insane disgust, I live and do not know how to let everything go, how to forget and not remember, I don't like my mother, probably even more than I don't like, strangely, living with such a mother I did not become an alcoholic and did not become a prostitute. And with external normality, I inside as an ugly dry tree, longing, anger, hatred,

Mom has not been drinking for about 12 years, I talk to her through strength, I force myself to call her at least once every two weeks, I say that everything is fine, listening to her complaints about life. And I, it is so tired of everything, but I miss the courage to tell her that I hate it. Say what kind of creature she was and how much she brought me pain.

I do not know exactly why I share my childhood, I'm probably looking for help. I want to know if it is possible to cope with it, is it possible to let go and forgive. I feel that I need to forgive, I can not have children because of my fears, this is another my problem. I am very afraid to be a bad mother. I am healthy physically, but how to put the feeling. I want to hear those who were in a similar situation, could you let go of children's offenses? If we were able, how did you do it?

Read the father and mother of their own, and Brodsky read too. Brodsky did not go - not trouble, the case of taste, you can choose. With parents, this number will not pass.

It is easy to respect the parents who have raised, fed, dressed, taught, gave the start, settled separately, put behind the wheel and gave the keys to adulthood. It is even easier to read other people's parents: that's why someone is lucky! And I hate my mother and, probably, I have objective reasons for it.

In childhood, children often fantasize that they are princess, and are waiting for these parents to be taken from a hated family. System-vector psychology Yuri Burlan Explains this phenomenon of the loss of basic for any person's feeling of security and security. But to come to hatred, parents need to try well.

The child hates mother - it means it deserves it? What mother hate her children? And is there a regularity?

In 2013, in 2013, the film "Mom, I'll kill you" Journalists showed the life of the boarding school for mentally retarded children, from which parents refused. Despite the official diagnosis, journalists express doubts about the oligophrenia of some pupils. Taking interviews, they discover that it is often that such a teenager hates mother, and even society justifies him and supports him.

Here is another story. Anal-skin-visual semi-chased sound made from a normal child with disabilities. Skotes in all vectors played with a woman's dinner joke. By nature, over a caring anal-visual woman from unrealization and fear Before the future began to find non-existent diseases from the daughter. She sat on her in a wheelchair and created an alternative reality for himself, in which the sick daughter became the guarantor of a secured future. The girl, finding what is really not sick, began to hate mother and did not find another way to escape from intrusive "love", how to kill his native mother.

And again in the comments to this news in the press, we discover that many justify the killer, considering the sentence at 10 years of imprisonment unfair.

Nowhere is said : read the father and mother of their besides those who drank, beat, left and so on by the list. Everyone of course has the right to be offended by the mother but only in the case if she did not give you . Gave life - you do not have the right to claim.

Of course, it is impossible to allow someone to spoil your life, even your own parents. But respect to them is the duty of everyone. And not because it is said so or written. Your spiritual kindness to the mother is the key to your lucky future . The reality is worn out of smallest things, but they all originate in your mental. Anger, resentment, dislikes are manifested by health problems, difficulties in communicating with people and the inability to build a full pair relationship.

You need to understand one simple truth - even if mother Bighting , humiliates, insults, etc., it does it not on purpose, but from despair and inability to take place in this life . Inside each of us lives a child. If this child hates the mother and deeply offended at her, if in his head, whom to do, slipped the idea that it would be better if she had died ... then these darkness and blacks in the soul make us unable to receive joy and pleasure from life.

And I would like to let go of the insult, do not burn from this burning hatred inside. Thoughts about the death of a native mother scare. And the only thing that I want these emotions would not have power over you, so that you will not threw into rage from the thought of my mother. Just if you do not like, then at least not hate ... but it does not work. Each thought about it gives rise to pain and mental flour. And how to get rid of them?

It would seem, the matter is small - forgive. But first you need to understand it. Why did she behave with you exactly? When we are aware of the unconscious processes that are guided by all of us, we suddenly discover that a person is in a sense powerless and completely deprived of freedom. It seems absurd. But if you go deep into the causes of the behavior of the parents, it turns out that everything that they did is benefit for you. Do not believe? Want to check it out? Come on

Often, family relationships cease to seem safe, and gradually life turns into a combat zone. Often the conflict arises between the child and parents. The son hates mother, or daughter - such a situation may appear in almost any house. And quite often, she does not accompany serious quarrels. It appears without visible reasons, simply from scratch. But the inverse situations are also possible when the child grows in adverse conditions and is constantly subjected to attacks from adults.

Regardless of living conditions, parents, in whose address angry phrases about hatred are directed, there are far from the most rainbow emotions. After all, adults usually not only say, but they themselves believe that they live for children. In their opinion, they did not deserve such a relationship. Or did they even deserve? Why do children hate mother? There are a variety of reasons. And some of them will be described in the review.

Difficulties of growing up

Such behavior from adolescent scares. And what is even more terrible, often children not only pronounce a similar phrase, but also believe in it. Yes, and act subsequently begin as if sincerely hate. At the same time, relations in the family can be quite peaceful, normal, when parents are completely sane and try to find a common language with children.

Mother hates daughter (or son) - it is familiar to many. Usually, such a situation is written off on difficulties that are characteristic of transitional age when the teenager begins to grow up, trying to find his place to understand existence. At the same time, the conclusions of the child usually do not coincide with the opinion of the older generation, which causes misunderstanding, and then conflicts appear.

Main reasons

In some situations, transition passes smoothly. However, situations where life turns into a nightmare, also arise quite often. What are the reasons for such a teenager behavior?

1. Incomplete family, one mom is hard to cope, so the anger she begins to tear on the child, for which he gets in response.
2. What other reasons are able to call the phrase: "I hate my mother"? Suppose the family is complete. However, parents can hate each other, which negatively affects the child itself.
3. The phrase may be caused by total lies when parents have a relationship on the side.
4. Hate often appears, if in the family several children, and someone love more, and someone less.
5. What mother hate? The feeling of hatred of the child may experience to that mom, which does not pay attention at all, does not care and does not support in heavy moments.

The reasons are the most bright. They demonstrate that in the family is not so smooth as I would like. Children feel similar situations on the subconscious level, because of which they begin to pronounce such phrases as "hate their mother".

However, problems can be solved by adjusting the situation. But this should want one of the adults first. It is enough just to accept that the troubles still have a place, and find an experienced specialist who is able to normalize relations in the family.

When aggression is manifested in the same place

Problems may occur without any reason. For example, in the family, the situation is normal, but the teenager still disrupts anger. Why do such situations arise? Never forget that the behavior of a child is just a symptom. It signals that there is some kind of problem even if at first glance everything is fine.

In such a situation, psychological assistance is needed primarily to parents, not a child. Only a specialist can find problems and eliminate them painless for all family members. Otherwise, the child will simply bring to the nervous breakdown.

Wrong education

There is a chance that certain errors in raising are able to lead to the phrase: "I hate my mother." Naturally, there are a lot of them enough, everything is not worth listing. However, most mistakes are quite often reduced to an excessive amount of restrictions, a variety of prohibitions from the older generation.

Perhaps parents painted the life of their children in minutes, not allowing to deviate from the planned plan. At the same time, they think that they come correctly, bringing only benefits. However, adolescents begin to feel that they fell into the trap, they cease to grab freedom. They can break, accept a similar circumstance, take the rules of the game, and may be aggression.

It should also be noted that the reaction to the prohibitions can manifest itself far from immediately, but will definitely manifest itself when the anger will accumulate and the forces will appear, which is enough to resist their parents. And then the question will begin to appear why the adult son hates mother. Or the daughter will be tested to parents not the best feelings when it matches.

Causes of excessive guardianship

The daughter or son hates mother ... This situation can be a consequence of hyperteks. How to communicate with children so that there is no excessive guardianship nor permissiveness? First, it is worth talking about why many parents seek to take care of their child.

First, the beliefs may be present that education should be strict. Otherwise, the child will simply roll along the inclined. And the higher the manifestation of rigor, the stronger the love from the parents. And this means that the child will be happy. But such a point of view rarely leads to positive results.

Secondly, parents may be afraid that their children necessarily make a bunch of mistakes. Such a reason resembles the first, but less global. If in the first case the parents scares the unsuccessful fate of the teenager, then in the second they just worry, no matter how much he caught fire or did not shroply.

Thirdly, parents can stop feeling necessary if they stop controlling children. And if the child is independent, then it turns out that they live in vain? But, again, this opinion is erroneous.

Mother hates daughter? Psychology assumes that one of the above reasons that is not able to establish a good atmosphere in the family. But to bring to even more serious conflicts may well. It should be understood as to be in such situations, how to behave.

Hunt be needed

Son hates mother? Psychology allows that the wish is the desire to "be necessary" to her child. A similar desire signals that there is a complex of unclaimed, and most importantly, dislike for it for this from parents.

In such a situation, the thoughts begin to appear that if I do not need anyone, it's a matter of vain. Instead of happy to successes, the independence of their children, parents begin to be offended and forming new and new prohibitions. It is because of this that conflict situations often arise.

Many parents believe that if they do not control their child, then he will definitely begin to make mistakes. On the one hand, this point of view is absolutely true. However, it is worth understanding that the child will be performed in any case. Otherwise it is impossible. To learn not to do nonsense, a teenager must be done to start them and remain dissatisfied with the results obtained.

Adequate approach to prohibitions

Teen hates mother? So that such situations did not occur, you need to immediately figure out where the prohibitions are needed, and where there. For example, allow to experiment with the cooking of dishes can be if there is no poisonous in the kitchen. You can repair the bike too. But you should not bind to the outlet, it is dangerous.

It is necessary to understand that it is possible to achieve something worthwhile only on your own experience. And that the child acquire him, parents should not constantly interfere with the advice and recommendations. It is enough just to determine what is dangerous, but what is not. And if in the first case the control is necessary, then the child is able to figure it out independently.

The child is waiting for an unenviable fate

Where do concerns come from that the fate of the child without constant supervision will definitely be bad? The reasons for the occurrence of fears are usually the same for all parents. If the girl is in the family, then it is ahead of the early pregnancy, narcotic drugs and prostitution. The boy will surely fit into the crime, starts to constantly fight and will also take drugs.

In such a situation, the question arises whether the control will help to avoid similar participation. It is unambiguously to answer it. In some, the situation is saved, and in others, on the contrary, pushes the bad thing. No wonder they say that

What leads strict upbringing

Hyperopka may cause another serious danger. The child will simply get used to be controlled, constantly wander and prohibit. Over time, he will cease to pay attention to the words of parents. Accordingly, this will lead to the fact that it will begin to break everything that can only be particularly dealt with in a situation. And in this he will be guided by two principles. Either parents will go and protect, will be removed from problems, or will be punished, so why not do.

Indications from parents in such a situation it will be performed with an accuracy of the opposite. For example, if he was said that without a scarf in winter it is impossible to walk, he will surely try to go out without him. And if it does not get sick, and there will be no problems because of this, it means that other parents do not make any point in themselves.

It may seem that the ambiguous scarf and drugs are too far from each other. But in the pediatric psyche, they stand along with each other, as, according to parental rules, almost everything is prohibited. Accordingly, in such a situation, reasonable boundaries are ceased. And that is why I want to break the prohibitions.

Is there an empty place?

What if the daughter hates mother? Or maybe a negative feeling towards parents is experiencing a son? Outbreaks of aggression are able to manifest itself on an empty place when prohibitions with limitations are intelligent and small, and in the family reigns peace and order. Such situations are even rare, but happen.

It is necessary to understand that the child will sooner or later come to the big world and will try to take a certain place in it to avoid collisions with difficulties. After all, problems with peers can be quite painful.

In such a situation, children will begin to tear anger on their parents, as it is impossible to conflict with classmates, it is possible to run away for even big problems. And the parents clearly do not answer the same. And loving moms are not at all capable of manifesting negative emotions to their children. Such situations are hurt, incorrect, but this happens.

However, it is not necessary to say that parents are completely innocent in such situations. First, the child subconsciously understands that the reason for many problems in relations with classmates is the result of education. And secondly, allowing rudeness in relation to itself, one can once hear the phrase: "I hate my mother." Similar situations are paradoxical, but they happen.

In families, where it is customary to treat each other with respect, reasons for such phrases usually do not occur. Often this happens only if Mom initially put itself in the "servants" position.

Solution of problems

I hate my mother, what to do? To cope with such a manifestation of aggression, you need to change the position. But it is not so easy, as it is necessary to work on yourself, revise the principles and your own behavior. Moreover, it will be necessary to change both adults and children.

On the other hand, the emotions of children need output. Therefore, it is not recommended to attach great importance to negative manifestations. But this is allowed only if there is an opportunity to talk, discuss what happened, to learn about true causes. Such a situation is ideal, because parents calm down, and the child is aware of his feelings.

Search exit from the situation

What if the child hates mother? Regardless of the difference in the character, bad relationship, it is almost impossible to stop loving mom. However, due to conflicts and constant quarrels, life turns into a nightmare. For this reason, you must try to find a way out of the situation.

Most importantly, you should not forget that the mother will not hurt pain, spoil life specifically, just because she wants it. She just thinks that all her actions are beneficial, and in the future you will thank her for it.

Below will be some tips that will help to deal with the situation that has arisen, resolve the conflict.

1. We just need to talk to souls. Try to convey to it that appreciate care, grateful for the assistance provided, but need a completely friend, you want to achieve other purposes, and not those posted in front of you.
2. In no case can not be broken, speak bad words. Such behavior will only aggravate the situation. Yes, and my mother will be only more painful and outstanding.
3. If you are an independent person and do not want to be under constant influence from parents, find a way to prove it. Start making money, live separately. In such a situation, it will be possible to avoid continuous control by parents and acquire a personal space. Yes, and free time can be carried out at its own discretion.
4. Perhaps mom considers himself lonely? Make it so that she felt necessary, help find the meaning of life. Perhaps she just needs a girlfriend from which you can walk, talk about urgent affairs. It may turn out to find her passion. The main thing is that in her life it remains as little space for negative emotions.

What to do parents?

First, it is impossible to command your children all the time, constantly demand something from them, psychologically crushing. It is best to try to find a compromise, negotiate with each other, listen carefully to the child's opinion. Naturally, he will agree with your point of view, but still inside it hurts, which will definitely be felt later.

Secondly, do not forget that children have their own life. She needs to be interested. Do not avoid communicating with the child, find out about his experiences and help the tips. There should be no ridicule, even if the problems seem to be banal and stupid. For children, all their troubles look global, crisis. Therefore, they need help and support. And if all this is not, then they will not experience positive emotions to parents.

Thirdly, it is necessary to try to find a common language with the child, to become a friend for him, adopting all the shortcomings and dignity. Parents just cost themselves in the teenager's body. Sensing all the insults experienced, overestimated difficult situations, you can form a great relationship. But do not forget that it is necessary to work on to keep the relationship, you must constantly.

Conclusion

Mother hate daughter or son? Do not refer to a similar event as a tragedy. This is just an indicator that in relationships there are problems, and with them you need to understand, look for a way out of the situation.

Remember that there are two installations - children's and adult. In the first case, parents are frightened and offended. And this only exacerbates the current situation. In the second case, parents are trying to deal with the problem. What installation is close to you? But it is safe to say that if you do not solve the problem, then it will never have to hear the phrase: "I hate my own mother!"

"She never loved me, it seems to me that my own mother hates me.
How many disgusts always, I had to listen from it, curses.
If what does it do wrong, she is just not to kill me ready. If I do in my own way and I do it as I want, I come across such hatred and anger. It calms down only when something is bad in my life. At these moments, she really can come to help me. I also noticed how it rejoices when I swear with my husband. And does everything so that we do not live with him.
If he buys me something elegant and beautiful, I see how her eyes sparkle envy, although she is carefully trying to hide it. The next day tries to buy the same thing.
If we do repair in the apartment, it does not pass and the month how it begins to change something too. I have such a feeling that she does not give her rest when I have something better than her ... Is it possible?
I really sometimes think that my own mother hates me, although I didn't do anything bad. On the contrary, I always try to help her. "

Yes, indeed, by virtue of your profession, I very often meet, as my own mother hates daughter.
Relations between the two most close people are permeated with hatred, angrily and envy.

Mother and daughter are deeply intertwined near relations, which are no analogues. Because of this intimacy, all opposites and extremes of human feelings together are intertwined in this relationship.
And if a woman sees only hatred in a relationship, then this is not entirely so, even in the worst relationship of mother and daughter, there is a place of love.
It all depends on the degree of displacement of feelings, from those deep problems that your genus is on the female line.
All the feelings of the polar - love - hatred, joy - sadness, anger - a pacification.

In close relationships there are all feelings. Where there is love, there will be hatred there ... This is the law of nature, it all depends on the spiritual development of man. If he is stuck at his children's positions, if the children's past takes everything over him, he is difficult for him to separate the feelings of hatred and love.
Watching the children, we see how they can bother each other in frenzy and immediately playing anything did not happen.

If an offended, injured baby has a strong effect on an adult, then of course an adult will behave and react as a child.

A woman - daughters is very difficult to understand. Because there is an idea that the mother is an adult man, stronger who loves, cares and certainly takes his child, his daughter.

But if only one adult lived inside the unconscious, there would be no problems. But inside every mother she lives her inner child, that daughter who did not receive a lot of things from his mother, which would like to get.

We can give, just what we have.

If your mother did not get everything, what was supposed to get from his own mother, how can she give you? If her native mother hated her more than he loved if she saw a man hated her, if he envied his own daughter. Her beauty and well-being, how can your mother treat you?
Of course it happens when women begin to treat their daughters differently, based on the fact that they could not get the desired, they all give daughters.

Very many women until the end of their days are in emotional dependence on their mother, even if they live at a great distance from her, even if the moms have long been alive for a long time. Presence or absence is no way reflected on emotional communication.
Soul threads do not depend on distances.

The child is born in absolutely dependent relationships with mom. Mom, her love and acceptance become the meaning of the child's life. Mom is the only person connecting the child with reality.

It is said that the sins of parents are transferred to 7 knees.
Yes, it is so, only we, psychoanalysts we say that not sins, but painful scenarios are transmitted from generation to generation.

Your mother was also a daughter.
If your mom has a good relationship with your grandmother, you can hardly face open hatred, envy and anger.
On the contrary, relations with the daughter will replace all other relations in life. Often such women do not have husbands. And if there are such, they are emotionally separated from the pair of "Mom - Daughter", Mom and Daughter - this is the only close girlfriend. They all make together - shopping, vacation, are advised on all issues. They are aware of every little things and every detail of life.
Such daughters are difficult to arrange their personal life, and if they have close relationships with a man, the influence of mom in her life is huge. Very often this influence is not aware, it is hidden, veiled.

Mom and daughter can swear. They may not talk to each other, offended, but the connection continues to be.

Another type of relationship, when your mom had bad or not very good relationship with your own mother.
There is a danger here that your mother being a girl did not receive love from her mother, warmth and care.
Her inner girl has always been deprived of warmth and love, attention and tenderness. She has never had beautiful dresses, shoes, dolls ...

Inside your mother, in addition to her adult part, this little offended girl lives and it is she who will be zealously treating you. It is she who will envy, hate, jealous to everything that was not in her life.
If there is something better in your life, it will cause a feeling of rivalry and deprovers. These feelings are deeply ousted and the mothers are difficult to feel and even more difficult to admit them.

I often hear surprise and misunderstanding from my clients when they first discover how your own mother envies them when they face that his own mother hates them.
If conflicts exist on women's lines, they will be transmitted from generation to generation.

The conflict between mother and daughter is exacerbated by the fact that during the Oedipov Complex when the girl switches his love and interest in the opposite parent.
Here the mother has unconscious jealousy and anger. It often feels that the daughter and husband make some special relationships. Where there is no place to her. And again in it begins to say not an adult part of his wife and mother, but a children's part that feels abandoned, devoted and abandoned.
If such a woman is born a boy, the strength of this internal conflict subsides, because a woman with her son has a different relationship.
With the boy her inner girl is silent. The boy does not cause a feeling of jealousy and the boy is always more attached to his mother than to his father.

The biggest problem in the life of the daughter is the separation of mom.
To break the "psychological umbilical umbilical" with his mother, it is to cease to be dependent on its opinions, approval and advice. It stops feeling a feeling of guilt, stop all the time try to be good.
To break the "umbilical" is to learn how to live as an adult life and take part in the mother's life, not at the position of the child, every time experiencing children's feelings, but from the position of an adult.
Only becoming an adult, having solved his children's deep conflicts with mom, you can stop the painful scenario of your female genus. You can not only help yourself, but also your mom if she is still alive.
Adults and separation are a long and painful process, from my work experience, this separation occurs after 3-4-5 years of therapy.
During this time, the woman passes the stage of his formation in his feminine role and opens up the ability to real love and healthy, adult relations with a man.
If there are conflicts with mom, the woman can not be happy within himself. Conflict with a woman, it is not possible to open a woman in themselves and take a female nature.
It is not possible to love yourself and your body, take yourself and forgive your mistakes and shortcomings.

Relations with mom laid a deep perception of themselves and a deep attitude towards themselves, which we call "love for yourself."
The past cannot be returned, it is not possible to change your mom, but you can change yourself and living your children's experiences, transform them into a new one, other experience of your relationship and your life.
The first step towards understanding and aware of deep conflicts with the mother can be training: "Past leave in the past."

All men waiting for the firstborn dream of the heir, while women are about her daughter. Every young mother's little girl thinks: "The baby will grow up, and we will be with her best friends." Why often often adult girl conflict with mother? And why many women at the reception at a psychologist or in a confidential conversation in the kitchen for a cup of coffee are recognized: "I hate my mother"?

Why do mother and daughter become enemies?

How does this happen that the two closest women turn to each other back? The main claims of adult girls to mothers are usually as follows:

1) "She annoys me with his stupidity, as if I am older and experienced, and not the opposite!"

Often this particular phrase can characterize the conflict of generations. The big difference in age is a prerequisite for the daughter - more modern and is better aware of the current realities. At the same time, the mother is raised at another time, absorbed other principles and views, it is difficult for her to follow new trends. There are regular clashes on this soil. Mother absolutely does not understand the daughter and tries to impose her views, his daughter considers her "backward from life."

2) "Because of it, I never got married!"

Such a complaint can be heard from the mouth of the girl, which is overly guarded, protected. As a result, all friends have long created their families, and she sits at home - a good mother's mother who has never learned to live "in adulthood" in his 30 years.

3) "I hate my mother, she manipulates me. Life does not give me! "

It happens that the elderly woman does not want to let go of his daughter. This happens for many reasons - the fear of old age, the "empty nest", lonely life ... Then there are all possible manipulations - from problems with health to threats to deprive the inheritance in the form of an apartment, etc.

4) "My mother is tyrant."

Psychological domestic violence is not such news. Just pay this phenomenon not so much as physical. Yes, and it is strange to talk about it in our society, the mentality affects. Meanwhile, the sacrifice is dependent on moral pressure, plus the grafted sense of guilt constantly says that it can be mistaken.

5) "I hate my mother, she never loved me."

Many of us take care of children's resentment in adulthood. Parents work a lot and do not always have time in trying to make money to notice how their child grows. Later they are trying to catch up, but the contact, which was never really adjusted at one time, is not so easy to restore. And the daughter with anger rejects the mother's attempt to get closer, because in childhood it was needed most. And now - why?

Another major cause of mother hatred may be physical violence and mockery from the last. Even if it does not happen now, it is difficult to love a person, beatings and moral humiliation from which you took in childhood. But you need to work out this situation with a psychologist. Any negative destroys from the inside, so it is worth splashing and leave in the past.

Total territory - Different glances

Two hostesses do not get along with one kitchen, and two adult women in the same house. If the family has no father, mother and daughter often conflict. There are several reasons for this:

1. Jealousy to someone else's personal life.

If the girl has a young man, Mother begins to teach her, say that she does wrong and behaves ugly, constantly letters jokes and comments. Thus, there is dissatisfaction with its own life. After all, the daughter only flourished and she could have many such guys, and on the personal front of the mother - a pause, which is unknown how default.

The same jealousy is possible on the part of the daughter. When she, young, no one, and his mother starts a cavalier. In addition, for a girl, it may be unpleasant that the place of her father is occupied by another man, and she begins to build a goat and provoke conflicts.

1. Divide and rule!

Each adult woman has their own views on household and order in the house. And it can happen so that the giving out daughter does not agree with the opinion of the mother about this and does not want to live according to its rules. The deception of the territory begins, which ends with the fact that both women incredibly annoying each other and simply be nearby.

An adult daughter hates mother, because she constantly points to her how to act in one or another situation. What to do? Well, for sure you should not start climbing your mother and tell her what she is not right!

1. Age conflict.

If the girl is a late child, and the difference in the age of mother and daughter is great, then everything is clear here. Well, where to take a common interest? Only in rare cases, the difference of 35-40 years can be leveled if the mother is a modern woman with a wide range.

1. Rival.

It also has an age conflict, but "on the contrary." Another young mother and adult daughter can see the rivals in each other. A girl can annoy a large financial consistency and a leading attitude in the mother's family. And a woman can see in the face of her daughter's reflection of herself a 17-20 year old, testing for longing for that time and, possibly injections envy.

In full families, the mother and daughter can fight for the love of the Father, jealous of each other to him. On this basis there are conflicts and both girls - and small, and big - chairs run to the daddy to "grief". Such situations are not uncommon, because for the girl Father is the first example of a man, "standard", the prototype of the future husband. Therefore, she will be jealous of him to the mother, and the latter in turn will be angry with disobedience and subconsciously try to "win" their positions .

How to return the world to the family?

You are concerned about the question: "I hate my mother, what to do?" It's time to make the first steps towards meeting and take an attempt to return the world to the family! And you need to start with yourself.

Accusation and justification

Choose a free evening, disconnect the phone, TV, let you distract anything. On the sheet of paper, write all your claims to your mother. Why do you experience a negative for her that she made bad in relation to you? Fill in this way the first column. And on the contrary, in the second column, try to justify each of her act. From the heart try to understand her. It is sometimes not easy, but you are already an adult girl, right? Put yourself in place mom, has it always easily?

The following table shows how you can do it.

Accusation	Justification
She did not pay me due attention in childhood and was indifferent to my problems ...	... This is because she was unhappy in marriage and struggled to "glue" his failed personal life.
She raised her hand on me, shouted, drove on me, and I was small and could not protect himself ...	... This happened for the reason that she worked a lot and did not see anything good - no dresses, no travel, so she was not a loving mother. After all, she herself was unloved and unhappy.
She has problems with alcohol, and from this I suffer ...	... But I forgive her for weakness, because it is a living person, and not everyone has the strength to fight with his vices.

By this principle, disassemble all the reasons for your anger to the mother's address. Forgive her stupidity, old age, surrounding hormones, connections with men, attempts to manipulate you and retain in the "family nest" - after all, it is nothing more than a fear of loneliness. Understand, she never wished you evil, but just wanted to be happy. Whatever she did, put her "coat" and feel yourself in her place, try to understand her thoughts, emotions.

Be polite and friendly towards the mother, discover the arms for her, let in your heart. After all, this woman gave you life, his genes, taught to speak the first words. Thanks to her you see this beautiful world! So tell me thanks and forgive her everything that was before.

How to build a relationship further?

First of all, you need to admit that you have grown and internally separate from the mother. Her life is its rules, and your respectively concerns you. Adult people do not necessarily prove their right point. Do not join the conflict with my mother when she wants to give advice. It shouts the child within you: "Leave, I'm already adult!" And indeed an adult man calmly thanks, something takes note, but will do only as it considers it necessary.

To overcome his hatred for mom and avoid conflicts in the future, learn not to disturb the personal boundaries of each other. Perhaps it is worth contacting the family psychologist for the consultation so that peace and understanding be reigned between you!

Alisa, Moscow