About virtual love and relationships on the Internet. If you decide on a virtual acquaintance

Virtual love Is a game that exists only in the mind of the individual and the Internet. At any moment this game can be stopped and at the same time the individual will not experience severe pain, remorse, and jealousy. A virtual relationship is a desire to experience vivid emotions, rather than a real real feeling.

Nowadays, the Internet has firmly entered the life of people and acts not only as a source of information, but also as a source of communication, which people so lack because of the eternal busyness and rush. More and more people in real life stop communicating and are fond of virtual communication. Previously, people used other opportunities for acquaintances - clubs, dances, libraries, but now they prefer real acquaintance - communication on the Internet. To a simple question, why do people prefer acquaintance on the Internet, if there are a lot of real people around, you can often hear the answer that acquaintance on the street or in transport is no longer relevant. More and more, not only young people and adolescents, but also adult family people resort to communication on the Internet.

It came to the rescue of modest, shy, lonely people and those who have physical disabilities. After all, it is much easier to write a love message when you do not need to be nervous, blush and be afraid of being rejected, so often the first love confessions are made on the Internet.

For some, virtual love at a distance is just another entertainment, but for some it is an attempt to avoid loneliness. It is very rare for a virtual feeling to go beyond the computer and become reality. If such cases happen, then these are only a few. What is the reason for falling in love? The Internet allows you to appear in front of your interlocutor in the best possible way, hide complexes, etc. Therefore, communication and falling in love there is easier and faster, in contrast to communication in reality. The disadvantages of online love should also be considered. Experiencing virtual love changes emotionally and mentally. His whole life is spent on the Internet, and a person voluntarily refuses live communication, while missing out on the opportunity to create and enjoy real relationships.

Virtual love is dangerous because a person falls in love with an ideal image invented for himself, which does not correspond to reality in reality. He cherishes this image, cultivates and is very disappointed after real live communication. This happens because communication on the Internet conveys only part of the reliable information about the interlocutor, because without hearing a voice, without seeing a person (his facial expressions, gestures), it is impossible to accurately imagine the image on the other side of the computer.

Virtual love and virtual relationships- these are types of communication that develop only on the network, when people interact via the Internet, while they have never talked or met in real life.

Virtual love does not have any serious consequences, but people who have strong feelings for the Internet image deprive themselves of the opportunity to build relationships in real life, as well as start a family. Individuals living in the network, having created the illusion of love, begin to believe in them, and the real world gradually fades into the background. If a person is overtaken by virtual love, then he should think about whether this is a real feeling or just a hobby. Often this is a play on emotions, ultimately leading to a breakdown in relations. Very often a person on the Internet finds himself in a situation where the virtuality of relationships overshadows the mind. Currently, every third Internet user falls into such a relationship. This happens because the physical world is filled with stresses, experiences, so people are more pleased to run away from reality, and plunge completely into pleasant communication with new interlocutors.

Initially, people do not pursue the goal of finding a serious relationship, because the very communication on the Internet is already a pleasure. They like to read compliments about themselves, admire love letters addressed to them, and enjoy warm congratulations.

Virtual love often overtakes single people. Plunging into an unreal world, people begin to believe in the unity of souls, love relationships at a distance, and a new life with a conditional chosen one, but for many, relationships on the Internet are a pleasant pastime, without commitments and promises to each other.

Virtual experiences are very addictive for the fair sex. This is due to the emerging confidential conversations. The more a man pays attention to a woman, the more she will cling to him. When a woman spends a couple of hours on the Internet every day, texting or chatting, she is deeply immersed in the sensation of virtual love.

How to get rid of virtual love? It is necessary to clearly say to yourself that relationships on the Internet are something from the realm of fantasy or a game that exists in the imagination of the individual.

How to forget virtual love? One should take a sober look at the entire existing situation as if from the side of everything that is happening. Often, virtual lovers deceive themselves and their feelings do not allow them to think "soberly", because new acquaintances take time to talk about anything, when this time could be devoted to outdoor activities, family, real friends or self-development. You can understand those girls who were overtaken by a feeling on the Internet. They find it difficult to resist the sweet speeches of virtual fans. The girls begin to think that new friends want to spend the rest of their lives with them.

Often, virtual love is seen as a way of avoiding problems in the real world, so it is better to solve life problems right away and not accumulate them.

Online, all people become different - perfect and without flaws. There are no such people in the real world. A person is so arranged that he will always compare a real chosen one with a virtual one, and the virtual image in this comparison will prevail over the real individual.

Scientists have found that virtual communication allows you to recognize a person only by 3%, and during a real meeting, a person receives information equal to 70%.

A person in the process of online communication represents the chosen one with the help of information provided on electronic media - a description of the person, photographs, etc. These facts about the personality of the interlocutor should not be trusted. Often, the sensations from virtual relationships are approximately the same as from real love: melancholy, tenderness, quarrels and reconciliation.

Often, electronic sensations seem more attractive than real ones, because mutual understanding develops within them, an interpersonal strongest contact, which is so lacking in everyday life. And all the disadvantages disappear, which are visible in real life, and everyone idealizes and draws on those pictures in his head that he wants to see in the interlocutor.

It should be noted that social networks, chats, virtual communication are a kind of Internet addiction and it is very difficult to get rid of this. Therefore, if there is a desire to continue communication with the person you like, then psychologists recommend switching to real communication as early as possible, that is, seeing in person. This will make it possible to understand whether the idea on the Internet really coincides with the real image of the chosen one and if disappointment comes, then it will be easier for a person to return to the real world and try to build relationships there.

Instructions

The feeling of loneliness, isolation from people, probably, is experienced by every second inhabitant of the planet. This is clearly felt where scientific and technological progress is high, and household comfort is considered satisfactory and higher. Many people cherish the dream of a "soul mate", of mutual love - especially if in reality everything is not so. It is human nature to seek "ideal relationships". The search for psychological harmony occurs everywhere: in the hustle and bustle of everyday life, at resorts during holidays ... A particularly intense search for "ideal partners" occurs on the Internet - among seemingly impersonal nicknames on forums, in various social networks and online computer games.
The world of social networks and online role-playing games is a space with a huge population. Virtual is one of the facets of human self-realization. Coming up with a character for himself, a person tries to realize certain character traits or "portray" signs of social significance, which he most often does not have in reality, or - for some reason it is difficult to show them. On the other hand, the virtual one is as interesting as the real one. And, although the expression "communication of souls" bears the connotation of a well-known pathos, one must admit: - first of all, verbal contact, and since speech reflects the inner culture and intellectual and mental makeup of a person, this is communication of souls. If a person is looking for an interlocutor in a huge social space with whom he will be comfortable and good, this is a search for a soul mate.

Often, virtual friendship and love grows so much that the attraction becomes very strong. Virtual communication, virtual love and even virtual sex are good up to a certain point, after which there comes a real longing for the one with whom you have to communicate through computer technology. And then a problem arises: decide on a real meeting or leave everything as it is. And then, as they say, not even fifty-fifty. Only ten percent of these meetings end with a happy ending. This is especially true of love.
The tale of an ideal relationship collapses before our eyes if people are not ready to accept each other not in an imaginary world, but in a real one, where there is everyday life, everyday life, where touching a partner is real, and where you have to make a lot of new discoveries for yourself in a person whom seem to know very well as a virtual partner. And these discoveries are not always pleasant. Typing on the keyboard is one thing, but one that is not annoying, attracts with "flesh and blood" is another.
Reality without embellishment will reveal a lot of flaws in a loved one. For example - your chosen one or - are infantile, unable to maintain those relationships to which you are used to on the Web, cannot take responsibility for relationships, take on the burden of problems that every person has. In other words, to accept a partner the way nature created him, with visual and psychological flaws, character flaws, and social disorder.
And your counterpart may also be an alcoholic. And if male alcoholism can be somehow cured “on the crest of love”, then female alcoholism is almost impossible to cure. Miracles do happen, but very rarely.
On the other side of your computer screen, there may be a wonderful person with a unique inner peace and great talents, gentle and loving, but - with wasted inner strength. Or, for example, he is terminally ill - it happens. He won't be able to give you more than what you get virtually. For example, he will not be able to provide for you, look after you the way it dreamed of in the ghostly world of the Net. And also, those who devote the lion's share of their time to communication on the Internet most often suffer from laziness, selfishness, and an absolute inability to build relationships where words are powerless and real action is needed. Finally, your chosen one may turn out to be married (married) or, even worse, he is of the same sex with you, and the psychological need to virtually seem to be a being of the opposite sex - this is such a "strangeness". In the ethereal world of virtual relationships, this, alas, is very common, no matter how shocked you are by this information. The ideal lover can be a woman, and the ideal lover is a man who knows all the physiological nuances ...

Going for a close virtual relationship with a person you really like, think if you have the strength to stop in time and not do stupid things in real life. After all, it is much more complicated than a virtual idyll. Sometimes the attraction to the "ideal partner" is so overwhelming that it becomes a real obsession. And then disasters in family life are inevitable, if in reality you have. Comparison will inevitably do destructive work within you, and your real partner will seem unnecessary, not as good as you would like. Virtual relationships will literally "eat up" the remnants of former affection, nullify the years of life together.
Many "virtual lovers" decide on a real date. Can you build new relationships? And most importantly, is your virtual partner ready for such changes? The reality is sometimes disappointing. He may not suit you outwardly (however, as you are). You may not like, for example, bad breath, the deadly habit of throwing things and dirty socks around you ... But you never know the shortcomings that in virtual communication are simply "not read" in the texts that we diligently generate on the Internet?
Having decided to change your life, think carefully and ask yourself a very uncomfortable question: why is your "ideal chosen one" sitting on the Web, looking for love not in the real dimension, but in the virtual one? And give yourself an honest answer: are you not substituting love for a real person - an imaginary, invented by you love for a virtual character, albeit unique, but with a real person having a very distant resemblance?

Technological progress has helped a person not only to rid himself of many problems, but also created new difficulties that now need to be dealt with. Ancient philosophers said that even a medicine can kill if used in the wrong doses and not as intended. So with everything else: if a person uses the virtual world in order to build relationships and love, this will bring a lot of disappointment.

If a person initially treats virtual dating as a pleasant pastime from which nothing serious should be expected, then this fun will quickly pass and will not even leave any memories of himself. However, many people are already so used to building relationships in the virtual world, to love someone, while not even seeing in reality, that this creates many additional problems.

What is virtual love?

Every person strives for love. This is a natural need, which includes many factors: recognition, approval, respect, acceptance, etc. When a person talks about love, he means that he will be treated exclusively positively, strive to make him happy and healthy, full and strong ... What is virtual love?

This is an experience of feelings for another person who seems good, beautiful, successful, etc. If he talks about feelings that arise at a distance, then we have to talk about a couple where everyone experiences something that is absolutely not connected with reality. Virtual love is a fictional love that is based on fantasies, imaginations, ideas about a partner, which may not coincide with a real person at all.

Why do people more and more prefer to communicate virtually rather than real? This was a consequence of the life that has changed for modern people. Now there is absolutely no time left to go to clubs, libraries and restaurants. Many people work. Others simply do not have broad financial capabilities. Still others are shy and complex to communicate with someone.

Currently, getting to know each other on the street has already become irrelevant, so many have switched to the virtual world, where you can find like-minded people, a large number of applicants for virtual love and communication.

Virtual love is a mind game that turns on while a person communicates with people whom he does not hear, does not see, does not know in real life. As they say, you can tell anything about yourself, but which of this turns out to be true, you can only find out through actions. On rare occasions, virtual lovers do end up meeting in real life because they have reasons to be heroes on the Internet without being so in real life.

The Internet has allowed many people to become heroes, successful businessmen, beauties and top models. These are the roles that are often played by people who are actually shy, uncommunicative, fearful, notorious. Often on the Internet there are people who are far from being beautiful and imperfect in appearance. When the meeting of two interlocutors finally happens, frustration often arises, because "she turned out to be fat", and "he is far from strong."

Online dating often frustrates people because what they see through correspondence is often not true. Two factors are noted here that contribute to this:

1. How the interlocutor positions himself. He can only show his best side, embellish a lot. This information cannot be verified, so it remains to choose - believe it or not. If there is no faith, then communication is likely to end. But since people get to know each other in order to communicate, then faith also arises automatically.
2. What a person imagines. When communicating with unfamiliar people, a person complements the gaps that arise during communication with the information that is familiar to him and fits perfectly into the existing situation as much as possible. Thinking out does not mean having real evidence of that. Often the interlocutor seems completely different from what he really is.

Virtual love quickly collapses as soon as partners meet in real life, get to know each other, see each other, hear, feel. Real communication differs significantly from virtual communication. And often, after such meetings, partners end their relationship, since everything that they have in mind in their heads is unreal.

What is virtual relationship?

Often, lonely, notorious and with various physical disabilities people turn to such a form of communication as online dating. Virtual relationships often arise here. What it is? This is a kind of relationship when people do not see each other, do not touch, do nothing for each other, but consider themselves a couple, communicate daily, make compliments, wish "good morning" and "good night."

Virtual relationships have nothing to do with real relationships, where people have to face problems, negotiate something, live together. People in virtual relationships remain lonely, while it seems to them that they have favorite partners.

The modern rhythm of life of the average person makes him resort to such methods of acquaintance with the opposite sex, which he would not have used before. For some reason, it is still considered an indecent and squeamish way to get to know each other on the street or in transport, but is it okay via the Internet? But this is not the point, this question remains on the conscience of the reader. Let's turn to the common method of acquaintance - the Internet.

Many people communicate in virtual reality not in order to build a serious relationship, but in order not to be lonely or to find sexual partners for themselves. But among all this crowd there are people who are looking for a serious, stable relationship. Currently, this method of finding a loved one is considered normal and acceptable. But what is the danger behind this method of dating?

The fact is that people communicate differently in virtual life and in real life. On the Internet, they do not feel inhibitions, are not afraid of ridicule, which gives them the opportunity to be who they really are or would like to be. While partners communicate and have relationships via the Internet, they understand that they cannot lay down any rights and serious demands on each other. As a result, such communication brings only pleasure and complete freedom.

When virtual relationships are transferred to real life, often men and women are disappointed. They immediately have questions: “Why does he behave differently than on the Internet?” is connected not only with the fact that in real life people finally communicate face to face, seeing facial expressions, facial expressions of partners, hearing their voices, seeing reactions, but also with the fact that a person cannot be the same interlocutor as he is was by correspondence. In each of the partners, all fears, complexes, prohibitions and moral principles of behavior woke up, which force him to behave differently than he does on the Internet.

Sometimes it happens that virtual partners start a very real relationship with each other. There are also certain problems here that, most likely, did not arise before when communicating over the Internet. Various quarrels and misunderstandings arise because a man and a woman no longer correspond with each other, without pretending to understand and fulfill their desires. Real life always brings into the mechanism the process of exactingness from a partner of some kind of obligations. If on the Internet people have not yet been real partners, despite what they corresponded about, then in real life they play all the same roles as other couples.

If you hope to meet a partner via the Internet who will harmoniously build relationships with you, then this is possible only if you remain a virtual couple. Once you start building relationships in real life, you are likely to face the same challenges that many couples face. You need to be ready for this, because this is reality, not a virtual world.

Why are virtual relationships dangerous?

A person can "get stuck" in the virtual world for a long time, continuing to communicate with different people and building virtual relationships with them. However, there are many dangers here. It is because of them that people often become in need of the help of a psychotherapist on a website that will help them get rid of psychological problems.

1. The first danger is habit. While a person communicates through the virtual world, he loses the skills of communicating with the opposite sex in real life. Virtual communication and real communication are two different things. In the real world, an emoticon or a gratuitous compliment can cause confusion or confusion. In the real world, you need to be beautiful or eloquent in order to interest. Such communication is significantly different from the virtual one, where people are thrown around in short phrases.

Communicating with a large number of people, a person ceases to value each individual person. A person's value is lost, because if he turns out to be imperfect in something, he can be easily replaced by another interlocutor.

The diversity of applicants deprives a person of the need to choose and stop his search. In other words, he condemns himself to a lonely existence, as he loses the skill to build a relationship with one person.

1. The second danger is unrealistic feelings. People fall in love on the Internet not with real partners, but with the images that they imagine. A lot of frustration occurs when people realize that they are not communicating with the people in the photograph. The woman may be fat, the guy may be pimply. It also happens that a representative of the opposite sex communicates under a photograph of a person.

You can fall in love with a person only because you invented him yourself. You are communicating with someone. But this person may be far from the image that appears to you.

1. The third danger is immersion in the virtual world. Loneliness continues to exist until a partner is next to the person, with whom he hugs, verbally communicates, touches, kisses, etc. As long as there is no physically nearby partner, loneliness does not go away.

Virtual dating creates an illusion, a game that continues as long as a person is online and communicates with people whom he has never seen, heard and who did not bring any real benefit. This is called escaping reality, replacing the real with the desired.

When a person is "sober", reality hits him even harder. He realizes even more that he does not know how to communicate with people, to conduct conversations with them, to maintain relationships. This makes him run away again into the virtual world, where he can be a hero or the first beauty. However, these are all illusions that are not supported by anything in the real world.

Outcome

Virtual relationships and virtual love can do more harm than good. The result is immersion in oneself, isolation, isolation from the outside world. A person already runs into the virtual world in order to hide from real problems, and then non-existent relationships and feelings again indicate that the person is a failure.

In order not to become a victim of virtual communication, you must abandon it. Communication over the Internet should help maintain contacts, not create them. useful only in the case when people know each other in reality, only until they have the opportunity to see each other again.

To get rid of virtual love, you just need to turn off your computer. Look at your real life, which you actually live in. She can be unpleasant, boring, monotonous and lonely. The person may again realize that he is a loser with whom people do not want to communicate. Virtual communication will not help in solving this problem if it completely replaces real communication.

Take advantage of trainings and courses to help you solve the problems that lead you to escape to the real world. This will allow you to establish contacts with real people, and not fictional images, behind which are boring, lonely, unhappy and sometimes physically unattractive individuals.

The other day I read in one diary poems about a virtual novel, virtual love. Well, you can talk about this topic, especially since it has become relevant for many.
In the beginning, let's figure out what this word "virtual" is. It has existed for a long time, at first it was used to denote the "imaginary" qualities of objects in physics. Then, in the 60s and 70s, it moved into other spheres: in psychology, it is a world of illusions, hopes, delirium. In philosophy, it is "non-existent". Some believe that the word "virtual" came from English, others from Latin. In the dictionaries of the Russian language, it appeared in the 80s and means - such that can arise under certain conditions.

And so, we proceed from the fact that "virtual" means fake, imaginary, non-existent, conditional.
Those. , as if there are no relationships, but life shows that they are. Having looked through dozens of sites on this topic, I have not met a single happy ending of a virtual relationship. Let's not take Internet dating for creating a family as an example, there are laws and many people arrange their destinies. Let's analyze virtual relationships - when they can arise.

Rarely does anyone specifically register on sites for virtual relationships. In the beginning, people just want to communicate.
- there are people who experience certain difficulties in communicating with the opposite sex, it is easier for them to communicate, hiding behind Nick, they can express those feelings and thoughts that they would not dare to publish in real life.

There are single people who have friends, work, but "just have no luck in their personal life."

There are family people, tired of problems, everyday life, as they say, "who do not know where to lay their heads from an avalanche of worries."

Such people are already theoretically ready for virtual relationships, one has only to find a "soul mate"

Does virtual love happen or not?
Who will answer this question?
Someone will say - "No! All this is nonsense!"
Someone will say - "Yes! This is serious!"
And in their own way, probably everyone is right,
There are lies and truths on the Internet.
Someone thinks that the Internet is a game
And you don't need to be sincere.

It's so hard to look in your eyes here
The voice of a person is unlikely to falter
If someone suddenly wants to cheat,
Without thinking that you will be hurt.
But there is truth here besides lies,
There is someone to whom there is no point in lying
Who doesn't make sense on the screen
Play a cruel comedy!

Let's trust each other
No need to play with feelings
Indeed, on the Internet, believe me,
There is always someone to whom there is no point in lying!

Sometimes the person himself does not see the line, crossing which, he falls into the network of virtual feelings. When he begins to understand, the relationship, as a rule, is in full swing and it is difficult to interrupt, many do not want to, because. believe that they brighten life and bring joy.
Unfortunately, this is only the beginning. What's next?

Any person wants to be understood, supported in difficult times, and taken care of. In life, very few people get it, because. there are no ideal people, we are mostly selfish and try to "pull the blanket over ourselves." But happiness must be suffered. And on the Internet, you don't need to strain yourself too much on some actions, here everything is concentrated only on our feelings and experiences, the rest is invented by our imagination

Over time, such unpromising relationships lead to depression, and if they do not even lead, then loved ones suffer from this, especially those who have children. Because a virtually in love person hurrying "on a date" gets annoyed if he is distracted from it. He himself may not notice the changes in his character, but what is the situation with those living next to him?

Sadly I read those sites where seduction instructions are given in detail - how to choose the right photo so that they do not understand that it is not you, what words and sentences should be written and at what moment, etc. Many people write - it's just a game, but for many it's serious ...
But let's say a miracle happened and you met - most likely there will be disappointment, because you can really feel uncomfortable with this person - he speaks wrong, does not like gestures, wrong smells, etc.
Two Canadians from Montreal, who "fell in love" on the Internet, were convinced of this from their own experience. After three months of correspondence and unbridled passions, fueled by mutual messages, these two Network fans made each other a real date at the club. Alas! She described herself as the Marilyn Monroe of cyberspace and he as the advanced Tarzan. Who would doubt that in reality everything turned out to be far from brilliant. Anyway, they tried to forget about it. Unable to find a suitable topic for conversation and even less passionately kiss, as they did by mail, they parted in embarrassment, immediately after the end of the performance. But the story didn't end there. The next day he sent her a message without mentioning a word about this evening. She responded by hinting at their previous dialogues as if they had never met. And by mutual tacit agreement, they renewed their virtual love affair.

Two strangers
Met by chance on the network ...
One was sad, looking for advice ...
I wanted to find another love.
We talked to each other for a long time ...
Trying to make friends
Learned everything about each other
And they became very close.
One - forgot about my sadness,
He gained understanding ...
Another fell in love little by little
But he did not find the right words.
They talked all day
And they were happy.
And then they hurried to the chat again,
So the nights passed ... the days ...
And the question is: what kind of science?
What is it about virtual that brings us together so much?
When not seeing a person
You give a lot of cute phrases.
You understand ... that he is close
And why do you miss?
And you turn on the computer again
And again in the chat you rush to him.

You can't see me, I can't see you,
We met on the Internet.
Maybe we live nearby. Maybe we'll pass by
And we won't notice each other in the crowd ...
My distant and close, stranger and dear,
You smile at me in the photo.
I don't know you, but I want to be with you
Mysterious stranger, who are you?
I am entangled in the net, I know - there is no way out.
I am waiting for the letter, breathless with happiness.
About the worldwide network, tell me what is the secret,
Why does the heart break into pieces?
I count the minutes until I meet you
And I sit late at work.
You go online, at this time you are mine!
Let not in life, at least in the photo.
I know not to be together, even to think to forget,
There is no love on the Internet.
Only I am happy, and so I want to live
These are happy moments for me ...

LET'S SUMMER - virtual relationships exist, but it's better not to get carried away with them, everything is fine in moderation.
Try to build real relationships, look each other in the eyes, but not through the webcam. Carried away by illusions, you can miss your person. He will pass by, and you will not even notice his gaze or even answer his words. LIVE A FULL LIFE, DO NOT LIMIT IT ON THE INTERNET !!!

Did you meet on the Internet? Are you being frank with each other? Are you good together? Are you trying to imagine his (her) smile? Does your heart beat in a different rhythm at the sight of a familiar name on the computer screen? .. Congratulations - this is virtual love.

Feelings from virtual love are about the same as from real love. The same tenderness, longing, jealousy, the same quarrels and reconciliation. Sometimes electronic sensations are even more attractive than real ones, because the strongest interpersonal contact develops inside them, mutual understanding, which is lacking in everyday life. Two interlocutors sometimes know more about each other than spouses who have lived together for decades.

If you know how to communicate your thoughts in a coherent manner and compliment girls, you are already a welcome interlocutor. And surely there will be some kind of computer young lady who will introduce you to the blond prince from her dreams. And now ardent maiden messages are flying through the unknown intricacies of the network: "Oh! Oh!" You do not hesitate with the answer: "My sweetheart! I have been looking for you all my life! I breathe the smell of your hair! Honey, my head is spinning!" At the same time, you can pick your nose and hiccup from a bottle of beer. But who said princes don't hiccup?

The Internet leaves a feeling of unreality of what is happening. Therefore, the docks of this business are advised not to get carried away with electronic novels, not to exchange photos, but to immediately clog the arrows. Meet - figure it out. Well, that also has its advantages. Virtual romances are too fast, too hot, almost no brakes. In addition, we all tend to embellish the image of the interlocutor, endow him with qualities that he does not even think to possess. And now, after a month of such a sublime romance, it is not the queen of beauty and virtue, which you have already managed to dream up of her, comes to the meeting, but a capricious girl with dandruff ... The most severe disappointment! But who is to blame? It's just our imagination. So here's your first piece of advice: "Meet right away."

Council number 2: "Do not rush to meet" (here it is - women's logic). After all, you have a unique chance to be judged not by external data. And not in the bank. And not by the make of the car. On the Internet, only your statements, dreams, thoughts, ideas are of value. That is, everything that is called the notorious inner world of a person. If you have this inner world, show it. Let the young ladies fall in love with him first, and not with your Roman profile, which is also, of course, good. Hence the advice

# 3: "There are no universal dating advice."
But someone comes to the Internet not with the aim of starting a real romance, but with a banal desire to just flirt. For my part, I note that it is almost impossible for girls in the Russian Internet to count on this. Our compatriots immediately strive to find out exactly where in Nikolaev you live, and with pressure they hint that it is better not to waste time in vain (that is, they intensively use advice number 1). If it turns out that you do not live in Nikolaev, but in Moscow, then interest immediately falls and no flirting threatens you.

So, lovely young ladies, learn English and flirt with foreigners. Russian guys are far from such an elegant pastime. They are concrete people - they don’t need these little things of yours!

Do you think that only free people crave virtual novels? Tired of loneliness and misunderstanding? No matter how it is! What do you think exemplary husbands are doing at work if the company has paid for Internet access? .. Look closely at what this venerable father of the family is secretly tapping on the keyboard? What is he scribbling, our bald king of the epistolary genre?

"I breathe in the scent of your hair" ...

What do married people expect from virtual love? What are they looking for on the Internet? The same as everyone else - emotional support. They just use it not as a main dish, but just as a spicy seasoning to the insipid routine of married everyday life. In short, virtual betrayal gives them virtually the same emotional experiences as real betrayal.

In England and America, divorce proceedings have become popular, where one of the spouses accuses the other of computer treason. Psychologists say that many people experiencing a virtual romance have feelings of guilt, as from real betrayal. In fact, it is. Do you disagree? In that case, my married Don Juans, admit it - would you consider it normal for your own wife to describe the scent of his hairline to another man in the most tender expressions? And would not you have a not at all virtual desire to spoil this veil for him a little? Along with his wife.

So it turns out that the Internet is a virtual thing, but by us, people, it is perceived very real. This is because we, whatever one may say, are not the Terminators. And we will never become one. And our feelings are also quite human. And we rush into relationships like into a whirlpool. Carelessly. Maybe because it looks so much like a fairy tale. And so I want to believe that you are really communicating with the prince. Empathetic, understanding and delightfully beautiful. And you don't even think that such tender letters can be sent to you not by a person of royal blood, but by your neighbor Vasya Pomidorov, who also bought a modem the day before yesterday.

In conclusion, I should give you advice # 4: "Do not take virtual novels to heart." In fact, after all, we all perfectly understand that in ordinary life we ​​practically do not communicate like that. Therefore, the disappointment can be too strong. But here again there is a discrepancy, as with all other advice. The fact is that I have heard stories about married couples who met thanks to the Internet. And even their children were born quite real. They cry and piss, in any case, very naturally ...

That's it! Everything happens in the world. And on the network spaces you can find your happiness. Well, if your electronic love did not work out, do not despair. Knock on the same neighbor's door. Go for salt, for example. Look at each other with eyes reddened from sitting in front of the monitor for a long time, and maybe a very real feeling will visit you. Without these newfangled computer quirks. So ... happiness to you, Internet users!

Question-answer from a psychologist

Question: Ilona

Hello!
I have a question for psychologist Alena Moskvina. I really need the qualified help of a specialist, whose opinion I fully trust. I will be very grateful for the answer!

My name is Ilona. I am 26. 4 months ago I met a young man on the Internet. His name is Oscar. He is eight years older than me. Our situation is as follows: in on-line mode, we can freely talk for hours on any topic. But some time later, having decided to translate our relationship into real life, we phoned on the phone. The conversation did not work out not the first time, not the second. There was a feeling that neither I nor he were ready, discussing something there - to discuss this in life, and to discuss anything in general.

I was at a loss - hesitantly, and he spoke unusually laconically. All themes suddenly disappeared rapidly. But the next day after these failed conversations, we talked to him again on the Internet as if nothing had happened for several hours in a row.

I have a question for you - why could such a situation arise?
- How to avoid it in the future?
- How to set yourself up to communicate with a person with whom you really want to continue communicating in real life?
- And what to talk about on the first date in such a situation?

I want to note right away that he and I initially communicated without a photo. Some time later, I posted my photo - I wanted to see what his reaction to me would be. The feeling was that I did not post the photo at all - he didn’t say a word to me about the photo, as if it didn’t exist at all.

What does this mean?

Now he invites me to immediately meet in life. And he says that I mean a lot to him. Moreover, he offered to meet more than once, and then suddenly refused. Now, moreover, one but has arisen. I will note right away that he still remains a mystery to me. He did not post his photo.

At the same time, a rather unusual young man named Alexey appeared on my page on a dating site, already with a photograph. Oscar disappears from the site - in 15-20 minutes he appears, or vice versa. Moreover, the writing style, although slightly changed, is very similar to Oscar's "handwriting". I guessed that this was him, and even, as it seemed to me, I made it clear to him, but the game on his part continues.

I do not understand what he wants to tell me by this, sending me "himself with a face in the photo"?
- Answers, what questions does he want to receive for himself?
- How can I competently build my communication with Alexei (that is, in other words, with Oscar in his new face)?
- And what makes him put off all the time our meeting in life, because he has already received my YES for this question?

I am silent, trying to communicate with his "double" with the utmost restraint. But the other day his double asked for a meeting in life.
- I don’t know what to answer and how, because I know that this is Oscar, whom I just want to meet in my life.
- There is also a feeling that he seems to be testing me in something. Or what?
- And if I refuse to meet Alexei, won't Oscar think that I didn’t like him outwardly and because of this I don’t want to meet with him?
- Or, on the contrary, if I agree to meet with Alexei, won't Oscar decide that I just "pecked" at the beautiful image looking at me from the photograph, and thereby betrayed him?
- And how now we will generally meet with Oscar, how will he get out of this situation when I know that Oscar is his real name, and in the photo he is under the name Alexey?

Thank you very much! I really, REALLY need your help to properly understand the situation.

Best regards, Ilona.

Answer: psychologist Alena Moskvina

Dear, Ilona! In your letter, you touched on a very common and, in a sense, dangerous problem: the problem of virtual communication, virtual love. The danger of virtual space is that it, first of all, tends to "drag" a person, modifying his "picture of the world", as well as the fact that it contains many "pitfalls" and "psychological traps" in which a person himself Unknowingly, it gets in.

Let's try to figure out what "traps" you have encountered. Let's start from the very beginning.

Problem 1. You were surprised that after 4 months of free communication with a young man on any topic on the Internet, the conversation on the phone did not work out. The answer, oddly enough, is simple: this is a natural situation. The point here is that, in a psychological sense, it is much easier to communicate virtually, easier than, as they say, "eye to eye". Firstly, they do not see you, accordingly, no negative reaction to your external data will follow, the so-called barrier of external imperfection, non-compliance with this or that standard does not arise in front of the interlocutors.

Secondly, they do not hear you, which means that you are in some way invulnerable to the "interlocutor" and he, accordingly, is in front of you. When people communicate face-to-face or at least by phone, the habitual feeling of security that arises in the course of virtual communication disappears at first. Why? Because during a telephone conversation, the interlocutor can draw some conclusions (sometimes even false) about you based on pauses in the conversation, based on the changing voice modulations that he hears in the telephone receiver. It is even more problematic to communicate face-to-face: after all, 80% of information about a person CARRY ... NOT THE WORDS that he says, but HIS NON-VERBAL REACTIONS to what was said (these are facial expressions, eye expressions, postures, gestures - absolutely everything matters, especially in the first stages of communication ). The reason here is that the peculiarity of this peculiar body language is that its manifestations are caused by the impulses of our subconscious, and the lack of the ability to "fake" these impulses (it will not work, because we are not aware of them) allows us to trust this language more, than the usual voice information channel.

Thirdly, virtual conversation frees a person from all his fears and inhibitions: I can speak, whatever I think, I can be myself. This is a very important feeling for each of us: to know that you are understood and accepted for who I am. Virtual communication forms precisely this illusion in a person, a conviction is created in a person that they love me for my true qualities. It is thanks to this very illusion that a person is so drawn into virtual communication. But this is an illusion, a deception of perception. Why? Yes, because in order to be loved for who you are, you need to be able to experience a lot with you in real life. It is also important that everything that people tell about themselves on-line reflects only THEIR OWN OPINION OF THEM, and not what is present in real life. The simplest example: many men will say that they are actively involved in sports, when in fact they go to the pool once a year for a month, while there is no hot water in the house. A woman can say that she is very "seductive" and not overweight. Reporting some facts about himself, a person is guided by the logic of desire, which makes him idealize himself. In most cases, we are not talking about deliberate deception. But this free interpretation of reality goes much further than in real life: after all, no one sees you, no one has anything to do with you, etc.

Fourth, advocates of on-line love are convinced that the Internet can make relationships deeper. Communication on the Internet is often long and frequent, they consume a lot of time, one might say, require real dedication from people. So it was in your case, Ilona. Hence the feeling of a kind of close connection between communication partners. People begin to think that they have advanced far in their relationship and supposedly grasped the true essence of their interlocutor. But this is just another illusion. A kind of illusion of intimacy, which is subject to all, without exception, people who communicate on the Web for a long period of time. That is why it is an illusion: it is not possible to transfer these sensations into reality.

In a word, on-line communication, remote communication (telephone), and even more so face-to-face meeting are unequal forms of communication and the problem you faced was natural and inevitable. Here the point is that virtual communication forms the illusion of a free communicator in a person, but in fact everything happens exactly the opposite: the more you communicate on the network, the more difficult it is for you to communicate with a living person in person, because a person literally loses the skills of real communication.

For example, the Network helps shy people not to blush, eliminates awkward mistakes, helps people suffering from any physical disabilities find a virtual friend. And this friend can meet almost any criteria. It turns out that you are not communicating with such a person as he really is, but with the person as your imagination has drawn him to you. It is also important that at the same time people do not make obligations to maintain communication with each other in the future. Psychologically, this leads to neglect of personal contacts in real life. This is exactly what you, Ilona, ​​are faced with. Therefore, a meaningful telephone conversation did not work either the first time or the second. For the same reason, your photograph did not make any impression on your "interlocutor". It is an insignificant incentive for your friend, he no longer needs it: a certain image has already formed in his head (after all, you have been communicating for a long time), which he does not want to part with for some personal reason. If visual images in your communication immediately took place, then your communication would proceed somewhat differently. And now a kind of GAME situation has arisen with elements of mystery. By the way, I will say that both of you consciously or unconsciously went to this game in advance, without initially posting your photos on the network. Good or bad, but the Internet is so arranged that it allows such fun. It is not without reason that they say that the virtual world is a world of great deception and illusory hopes. And virtual games are permissible, because people do not burden themselves with serious intentions in advance. All of them serve to revive, diversify relationships, bring brighter colors to life. In a word, there is not enough adrenaline, which is why games are played. Therefore, your man is Oscar, then Alexei in 15 minutes, then "let's meet", then "I can't", etc. these kind of "hide and seek". It is quite possible that Alexei's photo is not Oscar's photo at all (this happens often). In any case, his main goal is to play, he wants to be a mystery man for you. It turned out that Oscar got you interested in Alexei - consider that he moved to the next level, and then he will come up with something else (it all depends on what rules he "plays" and how much this person is able to "play").

Behind the young man's enthusiasm for this game can stand as a banal computer addiction, which, by the way, will soon take its place in the forthcoming fifth revision of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM-5) of the American classification of mental disorders, along with non-chemical ( chemical addiction - alcoholism, drug addiction) options for addictive behavior, including dependence on gambling, excessive spending of money, workaholism, etc. Also, the reason for such behavior may be complexes about external data. And if the latter is true, then a photo of Alexei posted on the Internet may have nothing to do with his real face. Otherwise, the whole masquerade would hardly have taken place.

Now let's talk about what to do with all this.

The first thing that you, Ilona, ​​need to try to understand for yourself that "Where there is no body, there is no soul", which means that the Internet cannot replace real communication with a living person and it is better not to bring the relationship to virtual love and in general get carried away with this type of communication. Real love can only be real love!

The second thing to do is to realize the illusions that you are facing. This is very important and your subsequent experience of communication on the Internet depends on it. Remember that no matter what methods you use and no matter what precautions you take when getting to know thanks to high technology, nevertheless, after the first physical contact, everything will need to start from scratch again. Or almost everything. Therefore, if you meet a man "nice" to you on the Internet, try not to delay communication so remotely, but gradually transfer it to the real world, starting at least talking on the phone. Meet more often in real time, and topics for conversation will be determined by themselves. Sometimes, by the way, it is useful to be silent.

Third, as for the relationship with Oscar, if he refuses to meet in the near future, then there is no point in continuing this romance. If a refusal follows, then do not grieve. This will mean that your friend turned out to be a player, or worse (this also happens) - a "hunter". The likelihood of a transition from the role of a "hunter" to a real relationship is in any case minimal. But you are a real living person, and not a victim of some kind - from this and proceed.

Virtual love article pages