Why do children develop aggressive behavior? Aggressive child - what should parents do? How to correct aggressive behavior in children

11.09.2019

Being a parent is the hardest and at the same time the most beautiful job on earth. Ideas about how children should behave do not always coincide with reality. Sometimes the behavior of children can really "unsettle", but parents should not despair, you can always try to find the right path to friendship with your child.

This article is for loving and responsible parents who want to understand the reasons for their children's actions and understand them. Parents whose children of primary school age suffer from bouts of aggression will find tips here.

The development of the child occurs in leaps and is accompanied by cyclical recurring crises. The age of 6-7 years is quite difficult for a child in itself, since during this period of time both external changes occur (the child is stretched in height, his teeth change), and significant internal changes. Now the parents are no longer a baby, but a small adult - his appearance loses the fullness and roundness characteristic of younger children, and independence is manifested in behavior. However, like all changes, these are not easy, the reverse side of the coin is disobedience and even rudeness towards parents.

At the age of 6-7 years, the child loses his childish spontaneity. You can see that he behaves deliberately ridiculous, clowning around. Of course, children sometimes make faces before, but at this age, buffoonery accompanies the child's behavior all the time. This happens because at this age the child for the first time separates his inner self from outer behavior. He begins to realize that his actions can say something to others and cause a response. The frank artificiality of behavior is dictated by the fact that the child is experimenting all the time, as if he is checking: “What will happen if I do this?”

Such experiments often cost parents the loss of a significant number of nerve cells. Moreover, if the child used to easily agree to the necessary rituals (laying to bed, washing), now the instructions of the parents cause an unusual reaction:

ignoring requests;
reasons why this should not be done;
refusal;
objections and disputes.

A child at this age tends to defiantly do what is forbidden and will cause a negative reaction from parents. The child tries to take a new position for him as an adult and critically evaluates all the rules that he did not set. The rules are understood as part of the child's image, through which you need to step over.

In addition, during this period, the child for the first time begins to be interested in how he looks in the eyes of others. He begins to be interested in the appearance, the clothes he chooses, he is afraid to seem not old enough. Now he exposes his actions to self-criticism. For example, if earlier a child was not good at playing football, he continued the game, despite the ridicule of his peers, now he can stop it if he sees that he is not doing well.

Obviously, this is a rather difficult period for both the child and his parents. Parents need to be careful in words and actions, since the crisis of 7 years is an excellent ground for the development of aggression in a child. Aggression is the outward expression of inner anger. It can manifest itself both physically (bites, hits, slaps) and verbally (threats, screams). If a child constantly strives for destruction, wants to annoy, hurt parents and other children, this is a reason to visit a child psychologist. The article provides some tips to help prevent the occurrence of aggressive reactions.

It is necessary to look for the cause in the family. At the age of 7, a child often does not listen to his parents, and if in the process of upbringing the parents show themselves unrestrainedly, this can cause an aggressive response. You should always remember: the child reflects the behavior of the parents.

You should be attentive to the experiences of your child, talk more with him. Aggression can also be provoked by the external environment (peer bullying, adaptation to school). The task of parents is to remain sensitive and not miss the moment when the child needs help.

Developing, creative and active games help to throw out negative emotions. Moderate physical activity, swimming pool visits are effective.

The most important advice to parents is to remember that any crisis ends, it is followed by the appearance of new adult qualities in the child, but how the transition period passes will forever remain in the memory of the child.

What are the causes of child aggression? What to do if the child behaves aggressively?

"He got into a fight!" a kindergarten teacher exclaims in a dramatic voice. Under barely restrained maternal annoyance, the little man returns home. There, at a family council, his fate will be decided: the fate of a person who has committed an unforgivable aggressive act.

Modern society dictates its own rules of the game to us. And what a father would have praised 100 years ago today causes panic in parents. What is child aggression? Is it worth it to fight? And if so, how.

Types of aggression in children

According to the most common interpretation, child aggression is behavior directed at others or at oneself, and associated with harm. Depending on how this behavior is manifested, the following types of aggression are distinguished:

Verbal- the child screams, swears, calls names, verbally insults. Depending on whether the baby reprimands the person who made him angry, or complains to a third party who had nothing to do with the conflict, aggression is divided into direct and indirect, respectively.
Physical- here there is a material harm to the object of anger.

Such aggression can be:

straight- children fight, bite, knock, scratch. The purpose of this behavior is to hurt the other person;
indirect- In the course is causing harm to the things of the offender. A child can tear a book, break a toy, or destroy someone else's sand castle.
symbolic- constitutes a threat to use force. Often this kind of aggression develops into a direct one. For example, a child screams that he will bite you and, if the intimidation does not work, brings it to life.

No matter how children's aggressive behavior manifests itself, it always causes stupor and bewilderment in parents. Where did it come from? What to do with it? The usual talk about fighting and swearing is bad doesn't help.

Causes of outbreaks of aggression and aggressive behavior in children and adolescents

Family members are especially sensitive to aggression directed at them. Why a child is aggressive with other children can be understood, but at home the child is treated well. So what causes violent outbursts and aggressive behavior in children and adolescents?

The most common group of causes can be classified as "Problems in the family". Moreover, this can be both difficulties in the relationship between parents and the child, and problems of adults who are not directly related to the baby: divorce, death of a close relative
Children, just like adults, have their own individual characteristics. Therefore, the second group of reasons can be attributed to "Personal features". The child can be easily excitable, anxious, irritable. It is difficult for him to control his emotions, so any little thing can make him furious.
And the last group can be described as "Situational causes". Fatigue, feeling unwell, heat, long monotonous pastime, poor quality food. Such things can piss off not only a child, but also an adult.

Diagnosis of aggression in children

All these factors can intersect and overlap each other. A qualified psychologist will help to identify what caused the aggressive behavior of the child in a particular case. Diagnosis of aggression in children is carried out in several meetings, according to the results of which the specialist analyzes the problem and suggests ways to solve it.

The choice of methods for correcting aggression depends on many factors. But parents need to be prepared for the fact that there is no simple way to treat aggression. To help the child, you will have to work hard, including on yourself.

What should you pay attention to in the first place, what recommendations should parents of aggressive children be guided by? Much depends on the reasons for such behavior of the child, and on his age.

Aggression in children at 2-3 years old

This period accounts for the crisis of 3 years. Toddlers are selfish, not used to sharing. In case of disagreement with something, they can hit, scream or break something that does not belong to them.

It should be remembered that while children do not know how to control their emotions, therefore, such behavior is more the norm than a deviation. Do not scold the child, it is better to try something to distract him from the object of his bad mood.

Excessive severity can lead to aggravation of the problem. Take the baby aside, gently say that this is not the way to behave and suggest a new activity.

Aggressive preschool children

Most often, aggression in children for various reasons occurs precisely at preschool age. At this time, the little man still does not know how to express his emotions and feelings and tries to express them precisely as aggression.

Aggression in children 4-5 years old

At this age, the child begins to settle into society. He checks, explores how his behavior affects other people, including parents.

If his actions do not harm others, give him the opportunity to build the boundaries of his "I". It should be understood that this does not mean permissiveness. You need to make it clear to the child what is possible and what is not. How can he express his anger (words) and how not (physically).

Aggression in children 6-7 years old

Older preschool children are not too often aggressive. They have already learned to control themselves, they understand what is good and what is bad. If a child behaves aggressively and cruelly, you should think about the reasons.

Perhaps he lacks independence or finds it difficult to communicate with peers. Now interaction with other children for the baby in the first place.

Aggression in schoolchildren

Schoolchildren also do not yet have a completely formed psyche and most often express their feelings to their peers and teachers as an aggressive self-defense.

Aggression in children aged 8-9 years

The child is actively growing, expanding his knowledge about the world and about himself. Both boys and girls begin to pay attention to the opposite sex. The authority of the adult is questioned.

It is important for parents to understand that the child has ceased to be a baby. From now on, children demand to be treated as equals. The aggression of schoolchildren is often associated with the rejection of this fact by adults.

Aggression in children aged 10-12

Younger adolescence prepares parents for the crisis and difficult adolescence. Already now the authority of peers for the child is more important than the parental one. Aggressive outbreaks are unavoidable now.

It is important not to respond with aggression to aggression and not to take the slippery slope of confrontation. It is better to try to build partnerships with the child. Spend more time with him, talk about adult topics. Of course, there must be limits and limits. After all, you are a parent, not a friend of your child.

In any of these periods, it should be understood when aggression is only temporary, situational, and when it threatens to turn into an accentuation of character. If the problem of child aggression in your family is acute enough, and you feel that you are not coping with the situation, do not be afraid to seek help. Raising aggressive children is not an easy task. And the work of a psychologist here will not be superfluous.

How to relieve aggression in a child? Treatment of aggression in children

There are various methods to relieve aggression in a child. There is a lot of information on the web on this subject.

Video: Children's aggression. How to help a child get rid of it?

All these activities and developments can be tried to apply in life. Some of the children do not like to draw, but will be happy to compose a story with fictional characters. Some guys like to build and break. And someone just feels the need to shout, thus releasing anger.

Aggressive child advice to parents

Whatever method you choose, you should understand that this is only a transitional stage for your child.

Through games and exercises, you can relieve tension, but they are not a panacea.
The child must learn to deal with their emotions in a constructive way, expressing them in words. Having spoken out the true reason for his frustration, he will experience relief and will be able to start looking for solutions to his problem. Agree, when everything inside is bubbling with anger, it's hard to find a way out.
Perhaps, in the course of classes with your child, you will understand that the problem of child aggression lies in yourself, in the parents.
It's hard to admit this, but it's not a sign that you're a bad mother or a bad father. This speaks of you as an adult, responsible person. With some effort, you can make a difference. And no matter what your child does, remember that he expects you to love him no matter what.
Confidence in your need, values for the most important people in your life - parents - can work wonders even with the most notorious hooligans

Video: How to teach a child to manage their emotions and express their feelings?

Games for aggressive kids

The life of children, especially younger ones, is 90% of games. Through them, the child learns the world and learns to live in it. Therefore, often, when there are not enough words to explain to the baby how to cope with the passions raging in him, you can and should use game situations.
Beat each other with pillows, arrange a “war” with snowballs in winter and water pistols in summer, play darts, rejoicing loudly at each hit, run a race, play a sea battle
This will help the child relieve internal stress. Remember the films in which the hero, angry, threw a cake in the face of his opponent, and everything ended with laughter and amicable eating of the remnants of sweets

Exercises for Aggressive Kids

In addition to simple games known to everyone since childhood, in interaction with children who often tend to show aggression, exercises developed by psychologists are used.

Video: Games to reduce child aggression

Activities with aggressive children

During all the games and exercises mentioned above, it is important to let the child know that with their help he can cope with his emotions without your direct help.
During a quarrel, you can, for example, say: "We are both very angry now, let's take pillows and will fight until we forgive each other." Thus, you will not only relieve tension, but also show how you can resolve the conflict without sacrifice.
Another important point in any activity with a child is to build the boundaries of what is permitted: during a pillow fight, you need to stipulate that you can only hit with a pillow, without the participation of your legs. If it is necessary to cope with verbal aggression, then you can call names, but not offensively, for example, the names of vegetables

Raising Aggressive Children

The necessary components of the educational process of children who do not know how to constructively express their emotions are reflection and personal example.

The concept of reflection implies the ability to analyze one's feelings. When a child screams or hits other children, he does not always understand what is happening to him. It is important to talk to him about this so that he feels your participation and support in a difficult situation for him.

Children learn all the ways of their interaction with other people first of all in the family. Pay attention to how you and your loved ones deal with anger. Maybe your baby is just copying adults? And before you change his behavior, you need to change yourself?

Video: Children's anger and aggression. Why are our children angry?

Why is the child aggressive with other children

It is not uncommon for parents to learn that a child is behaving aggressively from third parties. Complaints of a teacher or an educator cause bewilderment. What is the right thing to do in this situation? What measures should be taken
First of all, you need to take a deep breath and delve into the situation. What exactly happened? Under what circumstances? The child shows aggression towards someone in particular or towards all children
It is also important to know the opinion of the child on this issue. Try asking him. But don't push. Toddlers can't always talk about their experiences.
You should pay attention to what he will do in the evening. Cut off a doll's head? Talk about what the doll did, good or bad, why she needed to be punished. You can draw together and, through the drawing, play out the situation that happened during the day

The work of a psychologist with aggressive children

If you can’t figure out the reasons for the child’s constant aggressive outbursts on your own, you don’t need to let the situation take its course. In some cases, consultation with a psychologist is equally useful for both parents and children.

The specialist will help you understand what is behind this behavior and give recommendations on raising your baby. In some cases, psychocorrectional work is necessary.

Correction of aggression in children

At the mention of the word “psychocorrection”, many parents have a panic attack: something is wrong with my child, he is not normal, how did it happen that others will think, they will suddenly think that my child is a psycho. But do not avoid seeking help because of your own fears.

If you and your child do not visit a psychologist, the problem will not disappear. Think about what is more important: how you will look in the eyes of others or the health of your baby.

Depending on what kind of children's problem, corrective work can be:

individual - the child is engaged with a psychologist one on one. More suitable for older teenagers not ready for group work
family - when the whole family or one of the family members and the child attend classes with a psychologist. This type of work is ideal for younger children. He is able to teach not only the baby himself to cope with strong emotions, but also help mom and dad correctly understand and respond to the emotional outbursts of their child.
group - the child attends classes with peers. Through game situations, communication, he learns to better understand himself and behave in society in an acceptable way, without humiliating or offending others.

Prevention of aggressive behavior in children

Parents' fears that their child has serious problems are far from always justified. Often seemingly unsolvable difficulties in reality turn out to be not so terrible.

Still, it is important to listen to your children and understand what is happening in their lives right now. With the right attitude, you can easily prevent an aggressive outburst, direct strong emotions in the right direction and reconcile the child with his own feelings, and therefore with the whole world!

Video: How to extinguish aggression in a child (Sh.A. Amonashvili)

What is he, an aggressive child? Such a kid loses control over himself, argues with adults. With peers is rude and ruthless. He does not admit mistakes, and tries to shift his guilt onto others. Usually aggressive children are vengeful, envious, wary and suspicious.

An aggressive child uses every opportunity to push or hit someone, to destroy or break something. His behavior is often provocative: he is ready to anger his mother, teacher or peers in order to provoke an aggressive response. The little bully will not calm down until the adult "explodes" and the surrounding children do not get into a fight.

The bully will deliberately dress more slowly, refuse to put away toys, wash his hands. And when he hears his mother's cry or receives a slap, he will be ready to burst into tears. He will calm down only when his mother comforts and caresses him. This way of getting attention is original and absurd, but it is the only mechanism for the "exit" of emotional overstrain and accumulated internal anxiety.

Causes of aggressive behavior in children

The reasons that provoke aggressive behavior are quite real. Their identification is a paramount task, because ignoring the source of the problem will significantly reduce the chances of combating the manifestation of anger in the baby.

Family situation

Very often, aggression in children is manifested as a result of disagreements in the family. There may be many options. The main ones are:

Rejection of children by parents. According to statistics, unwanted children are more prone to attacks of aggression. Even in the case when the parents do not directly tell the baby that they did not want him to be born, he is able to feel it. The unwanted child is trying to prove that he has the right to exist. Such a baby needs parental affection, and he tries to win it, often using aggressive methods. No recommendations will help correct the behavior of the crumbs if he does not feel the love of the people closest to him.
Parental indifference or hostility. It happens that mom and dad blame the child for their troubles. Most often, this is undeserved, and the baby tries to attract attention with aggressive behavior.
Destruction of emotional ties. When parents constantly swear, and family life is like a volcano, ready to erupt every minute, the existence of a child becomes a real test. The kid is in constant tension, suffers from conflicts between the closest people for him. Often, as a result, the child becomes callous in soul, becoming an excellent manipulator who is sure that the world around him is indebted to him. Accordingly, the situation when it is necessary to sacrifice something is accepted by the crumbs with hostility and causes the manifestation of aggressive behavior.
Disrespectful attitude towards the personality of the child. Tactless, incorrect criticism, humiliating and insulting remarks can arouse not only an angry reaction, but also undisguised rage. In addition, such treatment of a baby can give rise to serious complexes, cause uncertainty, as a result of which passive aggression directed at oneself will be added to the active manifestations of anger.
Child control. Excessive control (as well as its complete absence) lead to the child's attempts to defend his "I". In this case, an aggressive form of protection is often used. Such a kid is used to looking at the world skeptically and not trusting others.

"Personal reasons

Such causes of child aggression are associated with the psycho-emotional state of the child. The most common ones are:

Subconscious expectation of danger. Quite often, the behavior of the baby is dictated by fear. When a baby is scared, it is difficult for him to understand which of those around him is a friend and who is an enemy. And at this moment, a defensive reaction in the form of aggression is activated.
Emotional instability often causes a child's angry behavior. Children under seven years of age are especially susceptible to this, because they are emotional, and their mood changes under the influence of poor health or banal fatigue. When manifestations of negative emotions or irritation in a child are considered unacceptable and are maximally suppressed by parents, unmotivated outbursts of children's anger can result. In this case, the object of the baby’s aggression is not the “offender”, but everything that comes to hand (toys, a flowerpot, a small kitten).
Self-dissatisfaction is often caused by a lack of emotional parental encouragement. Such a child is not taught to love and respect himself. And when a person (even a small one) does not love himself, he is not able to love others. In this case, a defiant attitude towards the world around him is quite logical on his part.
Guilt. A toddler who feels shame or guilt often redirects his own negative emotions towards the person he offended.

Situational causes

Children's aggression can be caused by a certain situation in which the baby finds himself. For example:

Fatigue, feeling unwell. A particularly impressionable child may give out an aggressive reaction due to general, emotional or nervous overwork. If the baby has had enough sleep and feels great, he, as a rule, reacts quite calmly even to the most provoking situation.
The influence of food. Nervousness, anxiety, aggressiveness of the child can cause excessive consumption of chocolate. In addition, the influence of blood cholesterol levels on the tendency to anger has been proven - the lower this level, the greater the likelihood of attacks of aggression in a person. So don't limit your intake to a tiny bit of fat too much (within reason, of course).
environmental factors. If it seemed to you that the baby is showing increased aggressiveness, evaluate the situation around you: noise, vibration, heat or excessive tightness often cause excessive irritability. Very often, children who live near busy highways or train tracks are more aggressive than their peers who live in quiet, calm areas.

Temperament

The type of temperament also refers to the causes of the manifestation of children's aggression. Temperament is a constant and unchanging characteristic. There are no recommendations for its correction, it is impossible to change the temperament. However, learning to use both its positive and negative sides is quite realistic. There are only four types of temperament:

melancholic;
phlegmatic people;
sanguine;
choleric.

Melancholic children suffer from stress caused by any innovation or any kind of competition. They are sensitive, vulnerable and least of all prone to angry attacks. But passive aggression is a hallmark of melancholics.
Phlegmatic people are also not aggressive. Their nervous system is so balanced that even serious problems rarely piss them off. In addition, a phlegmatic child is not at all prone to passive aggression.
Sanguine prefers to resolve any, even the most conflict situations, peacefully. A kid with this type of temperament needs change, he loves new places, faces, sensations. The aggressive behavior of a sanguine person is possible when he is convinced that the problem cannot be solved calmly. But a sense of guilt or awareness of responsibility for mistakes can “drive” him into passive aggressiveness.
Cholerics have a natural tendency to express anger and rage. This is due to their extreme nervous and emotional imbalance. Choleric children are irritable and quick-tempered. As a rule, they first do, and then think about how they should do it. In addition to active, they are also characterized by passive aggression, which can lead to a persistent depressive state.

Socio-biological causes

It is absolutely natural that boys are much more likely than girls to show active aggression. In our society, stereotypes have become stronger that a man simply has to be strong and, as a result, aggressive. Boys often behave defiantly so as not to be an outcast surrounded by their friends.

Often, children's aggression is due to social reasons: prejudices, value systems and attitudes of adults that matter to him. For example, a kid from a family in which the attitude towards people depends on their position in society is able to restrain himself in front of a teacher, but without a twinge of conscience, he will be rude to a cleaning lady or a janitor. And if everything in a family is measured by the amount of money, then even a small child can be disrespectful and aggressive towards those who earn little.

Age features of manifestation of children's aggression

Initially, a child is a friendly creature. Whatever conditions surround him, the first social phenomenon will be just a smile. When a baby grows up in an atmosphere of mutual understanding and love, there are very few prerequisites for the appearance of persistent aggressive behavior. Like fear, aggression in children arises from the fact that the child's basic sense of trust in the world around him simply has not been formed.

zero to one year

Already from the first months, the baby is able to make it clear that he is dissatisfied with any actions of an adult. He screams, cries, grimaces. Over time, the baby takes possession of his body and accompanies the negative emotion with the movements of his arms and legs. And in the future, kicks, throwing toys and other demonstrative forms of behavior are added to such manifestations of aggression.

In infancy, it is not uncommon for a child to react with an angry reaction to his mother. The reason for this behavior is directly related to the attitude of the mother to her duties.

If caring for a baby is accompanied by frank irritation (“this diaper again!”, “When will it end?”), the baby will surely take over the negative and show aggression.

From a year to two

After a year, the activity of the baby increases. As a rule, he begins to walk, as a result of which research opportunities are expanding. And aggression manifests itself just in the sphere of communication, training and mastering the elementary rules of behavior.

At this age, aggression in children is associated with the inconsistency of dad and mom. If the fidget is introduced to the rules of behavior “by mood” or he is allowed to do whatever he pleases, the crumbs will not form the basic concepts of “no”. And when these “no” suddenly appear, he can react violently to it.

two to three years

Children of two or three years old strive for independence. Often they are determined to defend their own against the will of their parents. At this age, the baby does not understand the pain of others and is not able to put himself in the place of another, which causes aggression and even childish cruelty.

Usually a kid of two or three years old goes to kindergarten, where the development of interaction with peers begins. Conflicts between children arise most often because of the desire to possess a toy. And if parents and educators are intolerant of the manifestation of open aggression, the result is the formation of symbolic forms of aggressiveness (whining, stubbornness, snorting, disobedience).

Preschool children

Aggressive children of three or four years old are distinguished by the phenomenon of "transfer": the child does not dare to openly pour out his anger on his parents, and something more harmless becomes the object of anger.

The behavior of five-six-year-old children often contradicts generally accepted norms and can lead to physical and moral damage to others.

Often the aggressive behavior of preschool children is due to the nature of socialization: the child seeks to imitate adults. Seeing the furious attacks of the elders, he copies them. If at this stage such behavior is not stopped or, moreover, supported by others, the little bully will very soon consciously begin to behave unacceptably.

How to overcome aggression in a child

Aggressive behavior in preschool children is not uncommon, but during this period it is still possible to avoid the transformation of aggressiveness into a stable character trait. And if you miss the moment, in the future problems may arise that will stand in the way of the formation of personality and prevent the disclosure of the individual potential of the child. Aggressive children need help, because the tendency to anger distorts their perception of the surrounding reality, makes them see only neglect and hostility around them.

An aggressive child causes a lot of problems for family members, and his upbringing is not an easy task. However, there are a number of recommendations designed to help parents subdue their bully:

build a system of requirements, show the child a positive example;
follow the established rules, maintain discipline;
let the baby know that you love him for who he is;
always consider the ability of the crumbs to fulfill your requirements;
direct excess energy into a peaceful direction (sports sections, singing, drawing);
mild manifestations of aggressiveness must be ignored without drawing the attention of others;
connect your child to joint activities, do not forget to emphasize the importance of his contribution to the common cause;
establish a ban on aggression if its manifestation is not a defensive reaction, but a kind of entertainment for the baby;
aggressive children do not understand what pity is - it is necessary to convey to them that excessive anger brings suffering to loved ones;
if a child needs to throw out negative emotions, choose a suitable game or activity for him;
try to restrain the angry impulses of the baby immediately before the manifestation (shout, intercept the hand raised to strike);
aggressive children violently express negative emotions - teach your child to splash out negativity in a more acceptable form (first by transferring rage from a living object to an inanimate object, and then by verbally expressing their feelings).

Games and activities for aggressive children

You can use art therapy to help your child cope with their aggressiveness. Give your child a large sheet of paper with a pencil and ask them to draw squiggles. By the degree of sweeping and the intensity of pressing, you will notice how the tension disappears. Then the "evil" piece of paper can be torn.

Come up with some fantastic ferocious animal, draw it. A sheet with a picture - a kind of "leaf of anger" - will need to be crushed and thrown away in a fit of rage. Such an exercise will allow the baby to learn that aggression can be transferred to something permitted, and not to others.

In the fight against anger, fairy tale therapy is also used. Sometimes, in the process of reading psychological fairy tales, a child undergoes a “revolution in consciousness”. When a kid tries to help a fairy-tale hero solve some problem, he learns to overcome his own problems.

Special games are widely used to correct aggressive behavior.

For example:

Sparrow fights (to eliminate physical aggression). Children are divided into pairs and reincarnated as “brawling sparrows” (clasping their knees with their hands, they squat). "Sparrows" push, bouncing sideways to each other. Which of the kids takes their hands off their knees or falls - is out of the game (and goes to treat "paws" and "wings" with Dr. Aibolit).
A minute of pranks (for psycho-emotional relief). At the signal of the leader, the children begin to indulge - run, jump, somersault, spin, squat. One or three minutes - and there is a repeated signal from the host, who announces an end to pranks.
Capricious child (to overcome stubbornness and negativism). The children stand in a circle and take turns playing the role of a naughty child, while the rest encourage them with the words: “Even harder! Stronger!". Then the children are divided into pairs: "child" and "parent". The "child" is naughty, and the "parent" is trying to calm him down. Each of the players must be in both roles.

Finally

Often, children's aggression is the result of pampering and connivance on the part of adults. However, most often this is one of the signs of internal emotional distress, an inadequate attempt to psychologically protect the baby, no matter how old he is;
In the process of raising a child prone to anger, suppressing aggressive behavior is not the most important thing. The main task is to teach the baby to cope with a similar condition;
And a very important point is to help the child realize what a diverse palette of feelings he can experience, and how it is customary in society to express these feelings.

Often, parents notice a child aged 5-6 years, as they think, aggressive behavior. It can manifest itself in different ways, for example, in excessive touchiness, a tendency to quarrel with adults and children, and intemperance. The task of the parent of such a child is to understand the reason for his aggressiveness, to reduce such behavior to nothing.

However, first of all, you need to understand what is the concept of "children's aggression"? How does it differ from the usual anger that every person experiences from time to time? How to recognize aggressive behavior in children? BrainApps will answer these and many other questions.

What is aggressiveness?

The word "aggression" is of Latin origin and literally means "attack". Aggression in children is not uncommon, but adults are also subject to similar behavior. Its main problem is a sharp contradiction to the norms established in society. Aggressive behavior causes psychological discomfort in others, often causing physical, moral and material damage. The aggressiveness of children is something that cannot be tolerated, because the behavior of young children can be controlled, but growing up, an aggressive child turns into an aggressive adult and poses a threat to others.

How do you know if your child is aggressive?

He often behaves unrestrainedly, does not know how or does not want to control himself. In some cases, an aggressive child tries to control his emotions, but nothing works.
Likes to ruin things, enjoys breaking or destroying things, such as toys.
Constantly enters into disputes with peers and adults, swears.
Refuses to comply with requests and instructions, knows the rules, but does not want to follow them.
He does things out of spite, deliberately trying to cause a negative reaction in the people around him: irritation, anger.
He does not know how to admit to mistakes and faults, until the last he justifies himself or shifts the blame onto others.
The child remembers grievances for a long time, be sure to seek revenge. There is excessive jealousy.

Please note that children, especially those aged 5-6 years, experience bouts of disobedience. Anger caused by a serious reason, such as resentment or unfair punishment, is a completely normal reaction. It is worth sounding the alarm only if for more than six months you regularly notice at least 4 of the listed signs in the behavior of children.

Reasons for aggression in young children:

Aggression in young children can be caused by family problems.

Most of the reasons for the abnormal behavior of a small child must be sought in his environment. The environment in which children grow and develop is of great importance in the development of personality. Children form their own behavior based on the behavior of close people, that is, parents and relatives.

A common reason why children behave aggressively is the tense environment at home. It is not necessary to show aggression towards children, it is enough for parents to often quarrel among themselves. If a child sees aggression on the part of parents, is present during skirmishes, hears screams, this cannot but affect his emotional state.

Quite often, children of 5-6 years old form their own model of behavior, looking at their parents. If mom or dad shows aggressive behavior outside the home, but, for example, in a store or clinic, this can cause aggression in children.

Aggression of children caused by socio-biological reasons

As we have already said, the aggression of children at the age of 5 appears due to the environment in which he grows up, so aggressive behavior can be caused by misunderstanding. What do parents talk to each other about when they think that the child does not hear or understand? What views on life do they hold and how are they voiced? Let's say mom or dad expresses disdain or dislike towards people who earn little.

In such families, small children are aggressive towards, for example, peers who have shabby clothes or old, cheap toys. For the same reason, 5-year-old children may show aggression, for example, towards a cleaning lady in a kindergarten or on the street.

Aggressive behavior in children as a result of lack of attention.

When a small child shows aggression, the reason for this behavior may be a banal attraction of attention. If parents do not spend enough time with the child, treat his achievements and successes indifferently, this often causes deep resentment in children and, as a result, aggression.

The less attention the child is given, the more likely it is that he will begin to show signs of aggression. There is a fairly clear connection between lack of attention and lack of education. Perhaps the child was simply not explained how to behave with adults and peers? A child of 5-6 years old does not yet understand how to behave in society, if his parents do not help him, he chooses a model of behavior intuitively and does not always do it right.

It is very important that the upbringing of children at the age of 5 is consistent and unified. Parents should adhere to the same views on education. When mom and dad cannot agree on the upbringing and behavior of children, each pulls the blanket over himself, then, as a result, the children are confused. Ultimately, this translates into a lack of education and the manifestation of aggression in children.

Another common reason for aggressive behavior in the family in children is the presence of a pet among parents. For example, my mother is constantly strict, makes her follow the rules, help her around the house, and often scolds her. Dad, on the contrary, behaves affectionately with the child, gives gifts, and allows a lot. Children aged 5–6 years are already able to choose a pet among their parents. If the parents suddenly start to quarrel, the child is likely to show aggression towards the less loved parent, protecting the pet.

Aggression of children caused by personal reasons

Sometimes an aggressive child shows signs of an unstable, unstable psycho-emotional state. There can be quite a few reasons.

In some cases, the cause of such aggressive behavior is the presence of fears. The child is tormented by a feeling of anxiety, tormented by fears and nightmares. Aggressiveness of children in this case is just a defensive reaction.

If the parents have not instilled in the child a sense of self-respect, a child under 6-7 years old may express dissatisfaction with himself and his own behavior with aggression. Such children acutely perceive failures, cannot put up with them, often do not like themselves. Such an aggressive child experiences negative emotions in relation to himself, and at the same time to the world around him.

The reason for aggression at 5-6 years old can be a banal feeling of guilt. The kid unfairly offended or hit someone, he is ashamed, but for some reason he cannot admit his mistake. As a rule, this is excessive pride and inability to admit one's mistakes. By the way, parents should teach this skill to the child. Often, the aggressiveness of such children is directed even towards the children in front of whom they feel guilty.

Aggression of children caused by violations of physical health.

Not always the causes of aggression lie in the psychological state of the child, his environment. Aggression and aggressiveness are often associated with somatic diseases, for example, with disorders in the brain. They can be caused by severe head injuries, infections, intoxication.

Remember, if aggressive behavior began to manifest itself after a traumatic brain injury, for example, after a concussion, perhaps the cause of aggression is precisely in this injury.

Sometimes the reason for the aggressive behavior of children 5-6 years old is heredity. Often, the parents of a child of 5–6 years old who shows aggression abused alcohol, narcotic and psychotropic substances before conception.

Can the reason for the aggressiveness of children lie in the fascination with video games?

Scientists have been arguing for a long time about whether the cause of aggressive behavior can be a passion for violent computer games. In fact, the games themselves rarely cause aggression. Passion for games with a lot of violence and cruelty is more a consequence of aggressive behavior. Of course, such games affect the human brain, make it less compassionate, but this is not enough to turn a peaceful, obedient child into an aggressive one.

How to deal with a 5–7 year old child who is showing aggression?

If you notice aggression in the behavior of a child under the age of 6-7 years, and then were able to identify the cause of this behavior, you need to learn how to behave correctly. Child psychologists and educators have developed a whole list of recommendations on how to properly behave with an aggressive child. These rules will allow not only not to aggravate the behavior of children, but also to correct it.

1. Don't React to Minor Aggression from Children

If children show aggression, but you understand that it is not dangerous and is caused by objective reasons, it is most reasonable to behave as follows:

pretend that you do not notice aggression in behavior;
show that you understand children's feelings, say the phrase: “I understand that you are unpleasant and offended”;
try to switch the child's attention to an object far from the object of aggression, offer to do something else, play.

The aggression of children, and even adults, can accumulate, so sometimes you just need to listen carefully to what the child wants to convey to you. In addition, do not forget that a child at the age of 5-6 years old critically needs the attention of an adult, which means ignoring is a powerful and effective way to correct behavior.

2. Evaluate the child's behavior, not his personality

Remain calm, speak in a firm, friendly voice. It is important for you to show your child that you are not against him, but against his aggressive behavior. Do not emphasize that this behavior has already been repeated. Use the following phrases:

“I don’t like that you talk to me like that” - you show your feelings;
"Do you want to hurt me?" - you show what aggressive behavior leads to;
“You are behaving aggressively” - a statement of incorrect behavior;
“You are not behaving by the rules” is a reminder that aggressive behavior leads to breaking the rules.

After bouts of aggressive behavior, children need to talk. Your task is to show that aggression harms the child most of all. Be sure to discuss behavior and aggression, try to imagine with your child how it would be better to act in such a situation.

3. Keep your own negative emotions under control

Aggressive behavior in children is unpleasant. The aggression of children can be manifested in screams, tears, swearing, and it would seem that the natural reaction of an adult to a disrespectful attitude is reciprocal aggression. Just do not forget that you are an adult who is able to control his own emotions.

If a child of 5-7 years old shows aggression, try to remain calm and friendly. Your goal is harmony in the family, a calm, obedient child, and this is not possible without establishing partnerships between children or parents. Therefore, do not raise your voice, do not shout, control your own gestures. Jaw clenching, clenched fists, and a frown are signs of aggression that should be avoided when interacting with children. Also, avoid value judgments about the personality of the child and his friends, do not try to lecture, and of course, do not use physical force.

4. Take care of the child's reputation

Aggression in children often leads to moments when it is difficult for children to admit they are wrong. It may seem that a child at 5 years old is small and still does not understand anything, but this is sufficient age to feel the desire to maintain a reputation. Even if the child is wrong, try not to condemn him publicly, do not show others your negative attitude. Reprimanding in public is not very effective and is likely to lead to even more aggressive actions.

Also, learn to make concessions. When you find out the reason for aggressive behavior, offer your child a compromise way out of the situation; when raising children 5–6 years old, this is the best option. In this case, the child does not feel the need to completely obey, he obeys "in his own way", which will rather help to resolve the conflict.

5. Choose for yourself the kind of behavior that you expect from children.

You should always remember that when 5-year-olds show aggression, you must overpower yourself and, no matter how you feel, show a non-aggressive pattern of behavior. When children show aggressive behavior, pause, do not argue, do not interrupt. Remember that sometimes children in moments of aggression need to spend a little time alone to calm down. Give the child this time. And most importantly - express calmness with gestures, facial expressions, voice.

We have already said that children tend to adopt the behavior of their parents. Friendliness and non-aggression are inherent in children by nature, so they quickly adopt a non-aggressive behavior model from their parents.

If you follow these rules, sooner or later it will help to overcome aggressive behavior in children. However, you can speed up the process, help a 5-6 year old child get rid of aggression as soon as possible. For example, the aggression of children in some cases is eliminated by physical activity. Give the child to the sports section so that he splashes out excess energy. If you notice the beginnings of aggressive behavior in children, ask them to talk about their feelings, offer to draw emotions or mold them from plasticine. This will somewhat distract the child from anger and, perhaps, reveal some talent in him.

Thus, summing up, we can say: the most important thing when signs of aggression appear in children is to remain calm, to be an understanding, compromise-seeking parent.

Sometimes the parents of a child who has started going to school or is just about to enter the first grade are faced with the problem of attacks of aggression in the baby. How to behave in this age crisis and what to do if he does not obey his parents and teachers?

Causes

Aggression in children is a negative reaction to various actions or comments of others.. If a child is brought up incorrectly, this reaction from a temporary one can develop into a permanent one and become a trait of his character.

The sources of aggressive behavior of a child can be somatic or brain diseases, as well as improper upbringing. Another reason for this behavior may be the age crisis.

At this time, children begin to realize themselves as students, and this is a new role for them. This contributes to the emergence of a new psychological quality in the child - self-respect.

Watch a video about the causes of the crisis in children at the age of seven and methods for overcoming it:

Why doesn't he listen?

From now on, this is no longer a small baby, but a real adult who strives to become independent. At 6-7 years old, children lose their natural childishness, so they deliberately begin to grimace and behave unreasonably. The reason for this is that children begin to separate the inner self from the outer behavior. They are aware that their behavior can cause reactions from others. Unnatural behavior shows that this is just a children's experiment, although because of such experiences of the baby, parents are very worried and worried. Besides, the child becomes difficult to put to sleep or send to wash, an unusual reaction appears:

neglect of requests;
reflections on why to do it;
negation;
contradictions and strife.

Children during this period revealingly violate the prohibitions of their parents. They criticize any rules that they did not set themselves, they strive to take the position of adults. Existing principles are understood by the child as a childish image that needs to be overcome.

Children at 7 years old can check the reaction of others to their bad behavior

Why does the baby make croaking sounds?

There are times when children begin to make various sounds: croaking, mooing, chirping, and the like. This may just be a continuation of their experiments, but this time with sounds and words. If your child does not have speech problems, then there is no cause for concern. If there are any defects or stuttering, you should consult a doctor.

Express approval of the independent actions of your child, let him be autonomous;
Try to become an adviser, not a ban. Support in difficult times;
Talk to your child about adult topics;
Find out his thoughts on the issue of interest, listen to him, this is much better than criticism;
Let the child express his opinion, and if he is wrong, then delicately correct him;
Allow yourself to recognize his views and agree - nothing threatens your authority, and your offspring's self-esteem will be strengthened;
Make it clear to the child that he is valued by you, respected and understand that if he misses, you will always be there and provide assistance;
Demonstrate to the child the possibility of achieving the goal. Praise him for his success;
Try to answer all your child's questions. Even if the questions are repeated, patiently repeat the answer.

Be your little one's best friend!

Classes for children 6-7 years old

To reduce the child's unstimulated aggression, actions will help that show him that there are other opportunities to attract attention and show strength. To look like an adult, you do not need to assert yourself at the expense of those who are weaker, but when irritated, use bad words. The following methods for emotional discharge are recommended:

Tear pieces of paper that you constantly need to have with you;
Shout loudly in a special place;
Go in for sports, run and jump;
It will be useful to knock out rugs and pillows;
Practice hitting the punching bag;
Playing with water helps a lot (contemplation of water and its inhabitants in aquariums, fishing, throwing stones into a pond, etc.)

Water perfectly relieves aggression and cheers up the whole family.

How to find a common language?

Parents need to be calm and restrained during attacks of aggression in a child. You need to try to understand how your child feels. The most important thing is to love and understand your baby, give him more attention and time.

Unconditional love is the best way to deal with aggressiveness. Moms and dads know their children well and are able to prevent unexpected outbursts of anger. Curbing physical aggression is easier than verbal manifestation of it. At the moment when emotions are rising, when the child pouts his lips, squints his eyes, or otherwise demonstrates his displeasure, you should try to redirect his attention to another object, activity, or simply hold it. If the aggression could not be stopped in time, it is necessary to convince the child that this should not be done, this is very bad.

How to deal with shyness?

Among other things, at the age of 7, children begin to pay attention to their appearance, clothes. They strive to look like adults. The child for the first time critically evaluates his behavior. During this period, shyness can very easily develop, the child is not always able to adequately assess the opinions of others. An incorrect assessment of what is happening can frighten the child, make him afraid of attracting attention to himself. It may be difficult to establish contacts. But sometimes kids are just naturally shy.

How to help?

A shy child is more receptive, often others are not able to understand him. Moms and dads are encouraged to emphasize the good qualities of their children more often. Thus, you need to cultivate his self-confidence. Under no circumstances should you be angry with your child for his shyness. He may feel defective in some way, different from the rest. This can be bad for the formation of his character. As an adult, a person will remember his childhood resentment. From constant reproaches, the child will not become bold and decisive, but he is able to withdraw from this.