A child is afraid of doctors: advice from psychologists and experienced mothers on how to help children get rid of fear. The child is afraid to recite poetry. How can you help cope with fear? How to help your child not to be afraid of children

26.06.2020

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When your child is tormented by being afraid of ghosts, monsters, or something else that is vicious and terrible, you can help him deal with those fears. Show understanding, listen carefully, and try our advice to help your little one overcome their fear.

Steps

Understand what the child is afraid of

Take your fears seriously

Don't laugh at childhood fears. Taunting will not relieve a child of fear; they will only increase the anxiety and, at the same time, lower his self-esteem. This can exacerbate the problem and lead to the development of a phobia (a more severe stage of fear). The child is able to overcome his fear with the help of your love and care. Neglect, on the other hand, will only develop negative feelings in him.

Find the right words. Do not tell your child “stop crying like a little one”, “there is nothing to be afraid here”, “look, but your friend is not afraid” and the like. This will convince him that it is not good and embarrassing to be afraid, and he will stop sharing his fears with you. Tell your child that everyone is afraid of something at times. Explain that it is okay to share your fears, as well as asking for help.

Help your child overcome fear

Don't force your child to do what they are afraid of. Coercion can only increase fear. Think about how you would feel if you were forced to pick up a cockroach or jump with a bungee. Give your child time to get used to and overcome the fear. Support him with all the care and love you can.

Be a model of courage. The child will always repeat your actions. If you are terrified or angry, chances are your child will react the same way. He is sure that what is safe for you is safe for him; if you are calm, then he can calm down. Don't scare your child by screaming whenever they try to do something potentially dangerous that could harm them. Instead, calmly help him and explain what can and cannot be done, and most importantly, why.

Don't show scary characters to children. A small child does not yet see the difference between reality and fiction. Children are often intimidated by the fantastic characters they see on TV. Don't include scary movies and TV shows. Also, help your child understand the difference between fantasy and reality by explaining in simple terms how movies and cartoons are made.

Invite your child to walk with him through the house or room that is causing him fear. Open all the doors, look under the bed; turn on the light and shine a flashlight in dark corners to show that there is nothing there. If your child is frightened by sounds or shadows, talk about what might actually be causing them, but don't laugh or criticize.

Use humor against fear. Ask the child to describe the monster he imagines. Add ridiculous details to this look, such as plaid underpants or a wacky hat. Imagine that perhaps the monster came to the bathroom because he really wanted to use the toilet, or that he is not really angry, but sad because he has no friends. Get your child involved in the game, make them laugh, or inspire sympathy. This will make the image of the monster less scary or even cute.

Fill a spray bottle with water, adding lavender or other scented oil (if your child is not allergic). Put on a large label that says "Monster Killer" and tell your child that no monster will approach him now, because, firstly, they are afraid of water, and secondly, the scent will make them sneeze. Spray a few times into the air and reassure the child that only a very stupid monster would dare to enter now.
Place a saucer on the floor near the door and put some candies in it. Tell your child that the monsters love candy more than anything else, but they make them soft and fluffy like puppies.
Take a ball of thread and unwind it around the crib on the floor, creating a "monster barrier". Tell your child that no monster can overcome this obstacle, and if he tries, then bam! - and disappear as if by magic.

Do everything to make your child feel loved. Let him know that you are always there to protect him.

Warm milk in a special cup will help at night. For flavor, you can add a tea bag that does not contain caffeine, such as vanilla rooibos.
You can add some lavender to the water bottle (again, if the child is not allergic). Spray it into the air and tell your child that this will help drive away any bad things. Lavender has a calming effect and can help your baby fall asleep peacefully. In addition, the very action you perform will calm him down.
There are many books and films about friendly ghosts and monsters.
If your child goes to bed, sit next to him until he falls asleep.
Read or watch something safe with your child so that he can imagine prettier creatures that could visit him at night.
Be very careful when choosing movies to watch with your child, especially those with a "parent-only" recommendation. If there is such a mark, read why it was put down. If the movie contains scary scenes, don't let an impressionable child watch it until he is older. Look online for reviews from other parents.

A visit to the clinic for mums and dads often becomes a real disaster, since their child flatly refuses to go there. One unpleasant experience of communicating with people in white coats may be enough for a child to not agree to cross the threshold of a medical institution again. Often, a baby's hysteria begins even when it is not about painful procedures, such as dental treatment. For this reason, parents are even forced to turn to psychologists, because children's health is at stake.

Should I call a doctor at home?

It's no secret that children get sick quite often, which forces parents to go on sick leave with them. Therefore, calling a pediatrician at home becomes the best solution in order to receive recommendations for treatment. By the way, you can invite a doctor not only from a state clinic, but also from a private medical center. This approach allows you to count on receiving qualified assistance and a more thorough examination. The specialist will devote enough time to your child, and not be limited to just filling out the paperwork. In addition, the doctor will do everything possible so that his young patient is not worried during the examination.

It is worth noting that among the services of the clinic, there is also a nurse on duty, including round-the-clock. This may be necessary if the baby requires specific care and any procedures that his parents are not able to handle. If there is no point in hospitalization, then the child can be cured at home, which, of course, will be helped by an experienced nurse.

Children's emergency care also requires a separate mention. Sometimes, faced with a serious deterioration in the well-being of their child, moms and dads begin to panic. But this is not the worst thing: it is much worse when parents, instead of going to a doctor, start looking for information on the Internet, asking for advice on the forums. The optimal solution to the problem will be precisely to call an ambulance, which will arrive at you as soon as possible and provide the necessary assistance.

How can you help your child not to be afraid of doctors?

If your child's fear of doctors has become a serious problem, psychologists advise you to follow a few simple guidelines:

· Do not frighten the child with doctors! Very often parents in the process of upbringing say: "Do not eat a lot of sweets, otherwise you will go to the doctor," moreover, all this happens in a rather threatening manner. Over time, the baby begins to be afraid of people in white coats like Babu Yaga or Freddy Krueger.

· Try to control yourself and not show your fear to sons and daughters, because negative emotions are also transmitted to the younger family members. Demonstrate calmness and confidence before going to the hospital.

· Show your child that the doctor is your friend. Explain that he is coming to help you recover so that you can go for walks, play with other guys, and ride the merry-go-rounds as soon as possible.

Fear is quite normal in our life. The feeling of fear is experienced by all adults, without exception. This feeling is vital for all people in order to preserve themselves. And if the child is afraid, that's good. For example, if he is afraid of getting hit by a car, then he will be very careful when crossing roads. If he is afraid of the dark, then he will bypass unsafe places.

The problem arises when the child is too afraid. When a feeling of fear prevents him from sleeping well, going for walks, socializing, and the like.

Strong childhood fears must be dealt with.

11 tips to help adults overcome childhood fear.

1. Never call a child a coward or a coward, because the child will feel weak and worse than his peers.

2. You should understand that not a single fear arises just like that without a reason. It is imperative to find out this reason. Of course, to adults very often these reasons may seem ridiculous and ridiculous. But even such reasons must be eliminated.

3. Do not ignore or play down children's fears. If, for example, a child asks to leave the light on at night, leave it, go to meet him.

4. Talk to your child more often about his fears. Psychologists advise making sure that the child can draw his fears, and then tear the drawings. This method is effective for children aged six to seven.

5. Try to find words that will help your child reduce his fear. You need to try to explain to the child that you should not be so much afraid of something.

6. If the child is very afraid of something objective, something that can be seen or touched, then you need to try to play a game with him, where the main object will be what symbolizes such a huge fear in the baby. It is necessary to find a moment in which the baby will see that the given object is not so scary already. For example, if a child is afraid of cats, then you need to play with him first with toy kittens, then, when he likes such games, you can offer a large stuffed cat. Observe his reactions and behavior. If you start playing with a plush cat, try playing a little with a real kitten.

7. There are fears from which the child does not need to be relieved. They should eventually pass by themselves or become less acute. For example, if a child is afraid of water, then you can go with him to the pool. The first days you need to be with him and hold him by the handle so that he is calm and not afraid.

8. As practice and various studies have shown, if the house where the child is, is quiet and calm, then the child is almost not afraid of anything. There should be a friendly and genuinely warm atmosphere in the home. In this case, the baby will feel comfort, care and confidence.

9. Do not leave your child time and energy to get completely stuck in his fears. Try to make his day full of vivid events and impressions, exciting games and useful things.

10. They will perfectly cope with the fears of fairy tales, the main character of which will be precisely the object of fear. If you have not heard such a fairy tale and do not know, come up with it!

11. You can not laugh at children's fears, all the more, scold him and tease him for it. You should also not compare your child with other children.

Observing the above rules, you can easily overcome the feeling of fear together with your baby. But, remember that the main helpers in getting rid of childhood fears are life experience, knowledge of child psychology and your intuition.

According to doctors, a healthy, properly developing baby should "go" in the period from 9 to 18 months, especially if favorable conditions are created for him. Which? I propose to sort it out together in the article "How to teach a child to walk independently without support."

Somehow, while “walking” through the Internet, I came across a message from a young mother, who claims that her baby is trying to get up almost at 6 months. She is naturally delighted, but the doctor commenting on her words is not at all. He claims that the muscles of the crumbs are not yet strong, however, like the musculoskeletal system. Consequently, the consequences of early walking can be dire: from improper placement of the feet to curvature of the lower leg.

The situation is aggravated if the toddler has certain health problems that his doctors and parents do not yet know about. True, this does not prevent the latter from trying with all their might to help the child learn to walk faster.

At the same time, such fears should not darken the mood if the baby himself tries to get up or take the first step ahead of time. In any case, Dr. Komarovsky is sure of this. According to him, a child gets up on his own if his body is already fully formed and ready for new achievements.

How to understand that the baby is ready

The age at which the toddler takes his first step is individual. According to orthopedists, for most children this happens at the age of 1 year, but still it is not worth adjusting everyone to the standards. In the end, the indicator is influenced by genetics, temperament (sanguine and choleric people go faster than melancholic and phlegmatic people), climate (southerners develop faster than northerners), finally, illness and stress.

It is a well-known fact that children who grow up in a favorable environment without conflicts and quarrels from their parents take their first steps faster (sometimes even at 10 months) than those who live in constant abuse and screams. By the way, stress can be provoked not only by them, but also by frequent moving, strangers in the house.

Disease is another unfavorable factor. Even a banal cold can delay the onset of the cherished hour, so if the baby has suffered it, it is not worth rushing with the help of him while walking.

Ideally, it is important to simply observe the child to understand that he is able to take his first steps. So, take a closer look. If you notice that the little one:

able to rise, holding on to something;
move along the support;
travel from room to room on all fours;
walk by the hand;
conquer small horizons and climb low chairs ...

So he is ready to walk. This is directly indicated by the fact that all this is done with great pleasure.

If you most often push him to these actions, and he himself does not receive joy from them, stop. You should not rush things so as not to face unpleasant consequences. In the end, if time passes, and the child does not express a desire to walk, it makes sense to show him to the doctor. Problems with the musculoskeletal system and the central nervous system can inhibit the skill of independent walking. Moreover, most of them are amenable to correction. All that is needed is timely diagnosis and treatment.

What to do to make it go faster

Do you want your baby to start at 11 months old? Then start preparing him for this ... from the cradle. Gymnastics is also useful for newborns. Already in a month they need to be regularly laid out on the tummy: so gaziks will annoy less, and the muscles of the back and necks will get stronger.

At 3 - 4 months it's time to learn to roll over. This engages your back muscles and helps you take your first steps faster. By six months, the baby begins to sit down. It happens that children come to this earlier, although doctors do not recommend it. From 6 months you can and should crawl for a long time and with pleasure. The latter will come if you constantly, as if by chance, leave your favorite toys out of reach. Then the kids follow them, and the skill is sharpened faster.

By the way, scientists discovered an interesting fact during the study. It turns out that children who crawled actively in infancy are easier to learn and incredibly successful in school, compared to those who immediately "went". Perhaps this is indirectly due to the fact that such babies are more inquisitive by nature.

How to quickly teach to walk

Parents often ask pediatricians how to teach their child to walk faster. Those answer that it is necessary to use gymnastics. There are a number of exercises that will take no more than a few minutes a day to complete, and the results will be great. Among them:

There are other ways to learn to walk, without any accessories. Moreover, experts advise to start with them, answering the question of how to teach correctly.

At first, the steps in the style "from one to the other" will be barely noticeable, and the time without parental control will be minimal. But if you train daily, it will increase. At this stage, it is important to help, but not to overdo it: now one wrong move can cross everything out. And first of all it concerns security.

Hello!

Today we'll talk about children's fear and how to teach a child not to be afraid. To begin with, it is important to understand that fear is an absolutely normal (in most cases) internal emotional state that both children and adults experience from time to time.

But fears are different.The strongest basic fear of any child – to be abandoned by parents, unnecessary to them, unloved. This childish fear is comparable in strength to the fear of death.

Unfortunately, many of us, in moments of our own weakness and powerlessness, use this childish fear, wanting to get the child to obey.

Who among us has not heard these traditional parental threats:

"If you behave like that, I'll give it to your uncle, the policeman!"

"Now the dog will eat you!"

"If you bite your nails, I'll take you to the hospital and give it to the doctors!"

"You will walk in puddles, you will get sick and die!"

"If you scream and make noise like that, Baba Yaga will take it!"

“If you don’t stop right now, I’ll leave and leave you alone!”

"You will bring me to the grave!"

"Do you want my death ?!"

The effect of this manifestation of our weakness is usually sad.

Short- the child cries, squeezes towards us, makes a tantrum.

Long term- with a weak nervous system - the child "from somewhere" has especially persistent fears. With a strong nervous system, the child learns to lie and compose easily. After all, he now knows that it is normal to use lies to achieve his goal. And then it is simply pointless to tell him how important it is to be honest ... He has already received his lesson of “honesty”.

What other childhood fears are common?

Fear of water (swimming, washing your hair), fear of fictional creatures (brownie, Baba Yaga, etc.), fear of the dark, fear of being alone, fear of other people (doctors, for example), animals, insects. Often these fears have no real basis. But from this the very feeling of fear experienced by the child is not fictional at all, but strong and real.

Older children (adolescents) often have fears of speaking in front of an audience, communicating, showing themselves in public.

And of course, fear happens in a situation of real threat (fear of explosions during a war, fear of animals in a dark wild forest, fear of another person when he really bears danger, fear of heights, fear of water (fear of drowning), etc.)

And the third group of fears, which cannot be ignored, is childhood fears associated with mental illness. In this case, the child hears voices that say something about him or between themselves and sees something that does not really exist (hallucinations). In this case, it is better not to hesitate, but to consult a specialist. But even in this case, we are often dealing with a particularly violent childhood fantasy. But it’s worth it to be on the safe side.

Fortunately, most childhood fears usually go away on their own.

But often it is our reaction that aggravates the situation and does not allow the child to overcome, outgrow his fear.

When communicating with parents, I often feel their strong anxiety if the child shows fear. That is, we ourselves experience the fear of childhood fear, no matter how strange it sounds. We are afraid that something is wrong with our child.

For example, I recently observed how one mother communicated with a frightened daughter. The girl was afraid to go one of her rooms to the toilet. And she asked my mother to go with her. And my mother was very annoyed and dissatisfied with the child. She sincerely thought that such behavior of her daughter was "nonsense and whim", which should not be taken seriously. She called it unacceptable weakness. As a result, her reaction was as follows:

“Go fast! Do not embarrass yourself".

“There is nothing to be afraid of. What nonsense ?! "

“If you don’t go now, I’ll leave and I will not read to you anymore.”

“If you don’t come right now, I’ll tell dad everything! And you will be ashamed ... "

And this is not a rare situation, but a very common reaction of parents.

After all, when a child suddenly begins to show his fear, it somehow always limits us, our life. For example, now the child sleeps only in our parent's bed, or agrees to sleep only with the door open, or cries and endlessly hugs us in anticipation of protection from imaginary dangers.

The feelings that we experience at this moment are misunderstanding (unwillingness to understand), irritation, anger, fear that something is wrong with the child and that our life will now change.

As a result, our actions lead to the fact that children's fear is amplified many times and prolonged for a long time. If we overcome ourselves and behave correctly, childhood fears pass quickly.

What are there our rules of conduct helping your child to stop being afraid?

1. Helping your child understand that fear is a normal emotion that everyone experiences from time to time. We are talking about this, we give examples in which fear is necessarily conquered in the end.

2. It is useless to persuade a child: "Do not be afraid, there is nothing there" or "Don't be afraid, it's just some water." The child will continue to be afraid anyway. Helping your child to become familiar with their fear... Let him tell you in color, with all the details of what exactly he is afraid of. No matter how absurd these fantasies may seem to you, be serious and ask your child leading questions, for example:

“Where does this creature live? What size is it ra, colors? Why is it dangerous? What does it want? And what good traits does he have? Etc."

The mistake of many parents is that we laugh at children's fears, do not consider it necessary to talk about this nonsense, prompting the child to withdraw into himself along with his fear ...

If your child finds it difficult to talk about it, ask him to draw or sculpt what he is afraid of, and then talk to him about it. Or let her tell a story about her fear.

Remember what horror stories we invented and told in childhood (about a dark room, a red hand, etc.)? They performed precisely this role - in this way, children express their fears, throw them out. Horror films play the same role.

Letting Your Child Feel Fear, to live it, being close and supporting.
If the child is afraid in a situation of real danger, then it is important to replay the frightening event and together practice how to cope with the danger. For example, if your city is bombed during a war and a child is afraid of explosions, then it is important to talk to him about it (about how you will act when the explosions start) and really prepare for this situation (for example: lie on the ground, covering your head with your hands , run to the shelter, think and prepare the necessary things together so that in case of danger you do not waste time on getting ready, etc.)

Or, if it’s useless to tell him: “The dog is kind, you have nothing to fear. Look how small she is! " It is better to tell your child how to behave correctly so that the dog does not pounce (do not turn his back to him, do not run, etc.). And practice together. The child must understand the reality: dogs are different, sometimes they, indeed, can bite.

And of course, it is important not to show your fear, because the child in his feelings is guided, first of all, by us. And for this, help yourself as well as your child. Do not fight your fear, admit it, try to feel it in your body where your fear is located. Then the tension will decrease, simply because the psyche does not have to turn inside out.

This way, your child will have an invaluable experience of fear.

In no case do not shame the child, do not call it a coward or even a coward :). And do not share his fear with other people in the presence of the child.

Dear parents, this behavior of ours will lead not only to a decrease in the intensity of fear, but also to closer relations with the child, greater understanding and trust between you!

And what is your child afraid or afraid of? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments to this article!

Author - Elena Shevchenko
Practicing psychologist, coach, author of books and host of trainings for parents.
Conducts consultations in Moscow and Voronezh or via Skype from any city or country.
To arrange a consultation, write to the mail or skype: El.Shev.