Symbiotic aspects of the relationship between mother and child. Theoretical foundations of the study of maternal attitudes in domestic and foreign psychology

Send your good work in the knowledge base is simple. Use the form below

Students, graduate students, young scientists who use the knowledge base in their studies and work will be very grateful to you.

Posted on http://www.allbest.ru

Introduction

A special role in the development of the child and his emotional sphere is traditionally assigned to the factor of interaction between mother and child in the early stages of ontogenesis. A child is an inherently social being, completely incapable of supporting its own existence and completely dependent on the nearest adult. The need for the emergence of specific ways of influencing an adult leads to the fact that in the process of interaction with the mother there is a direct emotional communication between the mother and the child. In the process of constant contact with the child, the mother helps to regulate and streamline his affective relationships with the environment, to master a variety of psychotechnical methods of affective organization of his behavior, stabilization of affective processes.

The mother, in turn, is the bearer of traditional norms and values ​​inherent in this society and herself.

Thus, the style of the mother's attitude and the characteristics of the mother's own emotional experience are, on the one hand, the environment for the formation of socially acceptable ways of the child's emotional manifestations in a given culture, and on the other, the ultimate framework for such manifestations, since the child is limited by that set of possibilities for emotional interaction. provided by his mother. Therefore, a lot, in the development of the child and in his later life, depends on the mother. From her behavior, from her relationship to the baby, how much attention the mother pays to the child, and how much he feels her love.

1. Mother and child: communication before birth

Mother and child begin their communication long before the birth of the child.

However, if you raise this communication to a more advanced level, their mutual understanding will be deeper in the future.

Haptonomy is a method by which a mother and child will be able to communicate on a tactile-verbal level almost from the first months of a child's life while still in the womb.

First step.

Mother and child begin to communicate with the first movement of the child. Communication should take place in those moments when the child is awake - 15-20 minutes every day. The expectant mother should be at home. In a calm environment, best of all, in perfect silence. If the father also communicates with the child, then the haptonomy sessions are best done with a break of several hours.

It is necessary to choose the nature of the tactile or voice influence convenient for the parents: light patting with the palm of the hand, and stroking, and fingering, and circular movements are suitable, but they must be combined with poetry or songs, it is also possible with reading fairy tales - the main thing is a clear rhythm and intonation. It is better if the parents do not echo each other, but make it clear to the child that each has its own individual differences and characteristics.

Second phase.

Mother and child communicate on a deeper level. When the child moves, try to influence him several times in a row, but at short intervals (up to 5 minutes). At this time, other family members can also be involved in communication. But at this moment you should feel how the child freezes, trying to listen and understand who is communicating with him: mother, father or someone else. He already knows how to understand this. Over time, the child will begin to cling to your hand, as if thanks to you for this communication. mother child haptonomy tactile-verbal

Third stage.

Not only mother and child communicate, but all family members. If you have an older child, haptonomy will help him improve relationships with his younger brother or sister. And how pets communicate with a child! After all, they can see those movements of the child that we are not given to see. Animals communicate best with their nose.

From 6 to 9 months, the fetus is already learning to listen and even cry. Now the mother's task is to hear his cry within herself. Some people do it.

But just do not listen to music with your child - this leads to psychological disorders in the future life. The best music for the fetus is the conversation of the mother, father, grandmother, brother or sister, grandfather.

2. Maternal function groups

The mental development of the child in recent decades has been studied in the framework of the interaction of the child with the mother as a single system. The formation and development of a system of interaction between a mother and a child is associated with an analysis of the features of this interaction as a species-typical - specifically human phenomenon, realized in an open, not programmed at the level of genetic support, content offered by a specific cultural model. M. Mead, on the basis of his studies of motherhood and childhood in various cultures, concludes that each specific culture chooses certain character traits and temperaments inherent in an adult, the most acceptable in a given culture, builds on their basis its cultural model of an adult man and woman and creates a child-rearing system focused on this model. In every culture there is an appropriate way of raising parents, especially mothers, who are the main “producers” of the child's personality as a member of their own, concrete society. Thus, we can talk about a specific cultural model of motherhood and childhood and the methods or ways of “production” of this model existing in each culture.

Two interrelated aspects can be distinguished in the development of a child:

1. Physiological development, requiring the satisfaction of physiological needs for food, physical comfort, movement, influx of impressions necessary for the development of the nervous system. It is provided by caring for the child, feeding, organizing his environment. However, as studies of children who lack communication with adults and maternal love have shown, meeting the physiological needs is necessary, but not enough for the development of the child. However, it is the child that is the same for all cultures and their provision, and the role of the adult in this process is also necessary. The difference concerns only climatic conditions. Research on cognitive development, perception processes, the motor system, etc. in early ontogenesis - that is, the development of a child's ability to perceive the world around him with the help of his senses and to act in this world - also occurs in the same way, that is, a child in any society and with any upbringing has common, species-typical (as a representative of his species) features. The participation of an adult in the formation of the emotional sphere is also necessary in the development of a child. There are much more cultural and individual options here, but there is also a certain general minimum that ensures the child's survival as mentally and physically full-fledged and capable of life and development.

2. Features of the cognitive and emotional-personal sphere of the child, corresponding to the specific cultural model. In the first half of the 20th century, the formation of these features was seen as the beginning of socialization, the cultivation of the natural development of the child, which begins after a period of physiological or natural development. The strategy and meaning of this new turn in his individual history were assessed differently in the mainstream of psychoanalysis, cultural-historical approaches. In modern psychology, the influence of the cultural and individual characteristics of the mother on the development of the child is considered extremely significant, especially in areas related to the development of personal formations. Here we can note some discrepancy in assessing the role of the mother in cognitive psychology and personality psychology. Undoubtedly, it can be considered that the individual characteristics of the emotional and personal sphere of the child and their correspondence to the specific cultural model of the society of which he is a member, are provided with special, specifically for this culture, inherent features of maternal behavior.

Output. There are two interrelated groups of maternal functions. One of them is designed to provide species-typical features of the child's development in both the cognitive and emotional spheres. The other has as its task the formation of such features of the cognitive and emotional sphere of the child, which would ensure the correspondence of the child's development to this particular, concrete-cultural model. The first group of mother's functions can be called species-typical, and the second - specifically cultural.

3. Psychology of the mother-child relationship

The mother and child watch each other very closely. In addition, almost all mothers are able to choose the optimal forms of communication with their child, whether it be games, tenderness or just words, and at the same time it does not matter at all in what country they live and what nationality they have.

Strengthening the bond between mother and child.

According to psychological research, in the first years of life, a child goes through three stages of development:

First, the baby sends his "signals" (crying, screaming, smiling) to those around him.

At about the third month, he sends these "signals" only to a specific person (most often to the mother). Smiling is an important moment in the psycho-emotional development of a child. It strengthens the child's bond with adults, encourages them to communicate.

It was noticed that a child raised in a prosperous family begins to smile several weeks earlier than a child who grows up in an orphanage.

However, a true psycho-emotional connection occurs around the seventh month, when the child seeks to communicate with an adult and begins to get bored when he is not around. Attachment to adults arises in a child not only when they care for him and feed him, but also when they communicate and spend a lot of time with him.

All children (with very rare exceptions) feel a sense of affection for loved ones, for example, mother and father. How strong this attachment is, to the greatest extent depends on the behavior of the mother or another person close to the child.

Maternal instinct.

Motherhood is a woman's ability to bear, give birth and feed a child up to a certain age, due to his physiological needs. To accomplish these tasks, a woman has a maternal instinct, and maternal behavior is formed on its basis.

Mother's love.

A woman must mature in order to become a mother. Not always, from the first days of a child's life, the mother instinctively develops love for him. Sometimes this feeling appears a little later.

The relationship between mother and adolescent child.

During adolescence, the mother is required to be as tactful, patient and respectful as possible for the adolescent. During this period, adolescents gradually move away from their parents. Their behavior changes, they have new interests and goals. Teenagers often argue with their parents, pay less attention to them, spend more time with their peers, and show interest in the opposite sex. Teenagers are prone to experimentation, strive to experience new experiences, while trying to be like adults. The mother must come to terms with the fact that her child has already grown up. He still needs her because a teenager needs an attentive companion and friend, not a person who punishes and controls him.

A mother has the right to raise her child, but besides that, she is responsible for him. Often these concepts are confused, so the mother has additional difficulties when communicating with the child.

Mother-son relationship.

Mother is the first woman in her son's life. The Oedipus complex is characteristic of early childhood (it got its name from one of the heroes of the ancient Greek myth, King Oedipus, who, according to legend, killed his father and married his mother, not knowing that they were his parents). It denotes a group of conflicting experiences of a boy in relation to his father, which are based on an unconscious attraction to his mother and jealousy, as well as a desire to get rid of his rival father. If the role of the mother in the life of her son is very great, then in adult life he prefers girls similar to his mother.

Keeping distance.

During the period of growing up of a son, tact is required from the mother - she should not show excessive caring towards him, but at the same time their relationship should remain warm and trusting. “Mom's sons” often have problems at school and when communicating with peers. A mother should be respectful of the girls whom her son brings home, and not impose her opinion on him. Most often, a teenager reacts very painfully to criticism of a girl he likes, feels offended and insecure.

The relationship of mother and daughter.

The mother plays a very important role in the girl's life. According to psychoanalysis, a little girl considers her mother to be her rival and is jealous of her father, i.e. she has an Electra complex. Over time, the girl gets rid of this complex by suppressing her attraction to her father and identifying herself with her mother. Thus, for a long time, the mother is an example for her daughter and the person closest to her. A teenage girl is often afraid that she will not meet her mother's expectations and considers herself unworthy of her love. Only with the onset of puberty do girls begin to critically assess their mothers, and emotional alienation arises between them. During the same period, girls undergo sexual identification. They begin to pay great attention to their appearance.

After overcoming alienation, mother and daughter can become real and very close friends. This friendship helps the mother to keep abreast of all the events taking place in her daughter's life and to help her with advice in a difficult situation. In turn, the daughter adopts the experience of the mother.

Try not to interrupt the conversation with your daughter or son.

Do not prohibit when you know in advance that the prohibition will be violated.

Be consistent in your upbringing, do not constantly change prohibitions. Also, do not make excessive demands on the child. Try to make as few comments as possible to him.

Don't humiliate your child. Encourage self-reliance, avoid direct instructions.

Too strict upbringing causes a protest in the child and a desire to prove his independence every time.

The mother should make the teen feel that she trusts him, even when she does not approve of some of his decisions or actions.

Conclusion

The bond between mother and child is certainly important. Who else but a mother gives us all the brightest and most necessary for existence in this cruel world. In our report, we covered several important topics, communication before birth and adolescence. Thus, the style of the mother's attitude and the characteristics of the mother's own emotional experience are, on the one hand, the environment for the formation of socially acceptable ways of the child's emotional manifestations in a given culture, and on the other, the ultimate framework for such manifestations, since the child is limited by that set of possibilities for emotional interaction. provided by his mother. Therefore, a lot, in the development of the child and in his later life, depends on the mother.

Bibliography:

1. Winnicott D.V. Small children and their mothers. M., "Class", 1998

2. Vygotsky L.S. Collected works in 6 volumes. vol. 4, M., Pedagogy, 1984

3. Lebedinsky V.V. and other Emotional disorders in childhood. M., Publishing house of Moscow. University, 1991

4. Leboye F. For the birth without violence. Translated from fr. Reproduced ed. M., 1988

5. Leontiev A.N. Selected psychological works. In 2 volumes. vol.2, M., Pedagogy, 1983

6. Lisina M.I. Problems of ontogenesis of communication. M., Pedagogy, 1986. M., "TsPP", 1997

7. Elkonin D.B. Selected psychological works. M., Education, 1989.

8. Emotional development of a preschooler. \\ Kosheleva A.D. M., Enlightenment, 1985

9. Erickson E. Childhood and society. SPb., Lenato AST, 1996

10. Avdeeva N.N., Meshcheryakova S.Yu. You and the baby. - M., 1991.

Posted on Allbest.ru

Similar documents

    Features of building relationships between mother and child in the context of theoretical research. Psychological aspects of the formation of the maternal sphere. Consideration of the basic conditions for the development of emotional closeness and confidential communication between mother and child.

    term paper, added 06/27/2015

    Features of building relationships between mother and child in the context of theoretical research. Study of the psychological aspects of the formation of the mother's sphere. Conditions for the formation of emotional closeness and confidential communication between mother and child.

    term paper, added 12/06/2013

    Aspects of the mother's influence on personality development. The mother concept in science. Child development factors. Stages of development of the child's personality. Deprivations, their influence on the development of the child's personality. Formation of a conscious understanding of the role of the mother in the life of the child.

    thesis, added 06/23/2015

    Education in the womb, intrauterine interaction "mother-child". The level of sensory perception of the fetus. An emotional trace in the formation of a child's personality. Recording information at the cellular level. Influence of anxiety for a child during pregnancy.

    term paper added 11/26/2010

    The role of the family in raising a child. Types of family relationships. The attachment of the child to the mother. Character types of mothers. Influence of the "mother factor" on the child. The role of the family in raising a child. Types of family relationships. Character types of mothers.

    scientific work, added 02.24.2007

    The tasks of psychological counseling for disabled children. Advice to a mother on how to cope with a child's disability. The role of social educational psychologists in psychological assistance to a mother with a child with mental disabilities.

    abstract, added 07/05/2010

    Features of the development of the sense organs, conditioned reflexes of the child. The role of the mother in the formation of a healthy psyche of the infant. Analysis of the influence of communication between an adult and a child on his physical and mental development. Studying the cognitive activity of children.

    term paper added 03/21/2016

    Communication as one of the most important factors in the general mental development of a child. Sensory abilities of the fetus. Emotional communication between the child and the mother. Stages of the process of the formation of the first function of speech in children. The need for communication between a child and adults.

    abstract, added 01/17/2012

    Having a child with developmental disabilities is a strong traumatic factor for the whole family. Violation of adaptation to the current situation associated with the birth of a sick child: depression, neurotic and psychopathic reactions, distortion of parental attitudes.

    abstract, added 02.24.2011

    The function of the mother from an evolutionary point of view. The content and characteristics of the relationship between mother and baby. The problem of establishing contacts between the infant and the father. Socio-psychological models of paternity. The influence of the family on early childhood development.

A nursing baby cannot survive without the warmth and nurturing care of adults. Typically, these tasks are the responsibility of the mother. However, this role can be played by another person. There are two main points to consider:

  • An infant needs not only food and care, but also love and affection. Only then will it develop normally physically, spiritually and psychologically.
  • Babies find it difficult to get used to new people looking after them.

The bond between mother and baby is already formed during pregnancy. As soon as the expectant mother feels the baby's movements, she begins to communicate with him - she talks to him, strokes her belly. The fetus begins to perceive this form of intimacy at the 6th month of pregnancy. After birth, he can remember his mother's voice.

Post-natal mother-baby bond

In the formation of an emotional bond between mother and child, the course of childbirth and the first hours after them are of great importance. It is very important in the first hours after childbirth to properly organize the first physical contact between the mother and the baby. It is best to place the baby on the mother's stomach and then to the breast. However, there is currently an opinion that this first experience of communication does not affect the further mental development of the child.

The importance of breastfeeding

In fact, it is not so important how the mother feeds the child: by breastfeeding or from a bottle - the main thing is that he should feel her love at the same time. It should be noted, however, that breastfeeding promotes a deep emotional bond between mother and baby. Mother's milk contains a whole range of special hormones that regulate the growth and development of the baby. Breastfeeding for several hours during laziness ensures close contact between the newborn and his mother. In addition, from the breastfeeding position during feeding, the baby can best see the mother's face, i.e. breastfeeding also contributes to the development of visual analyzers. Finally, tactile communication has been shown to play a significant role in developing a child's attachment to their parents.

Psychology of the mother-child relationship

The mother and child watch each other very closely. In addition, almost all mothers are able to choose the optimal forms of communication with their child, whether it be games, tenderness or just words, and at the same time it does not matter at all in what country they live and what nationality they have.

According to psychological research, in the first years of life, a child goes through three stages of development:

  • First, the baby sends his "signals" (crying, screaming, smiling) to those around him.
  • At about the third month, he sends these "signals" only to a specific person (most often the mother). Smiling is an important moment in the psycho-emotional development of a child. It strengthens the baby's bond with adults, encourages them to communicate.
  • It was noticed that a child raised in a prosperous family begins to smile a few weeks earlier than the one who grows up in an orphanage.
  • However, a true psycho-emotional connection occurs around the seventh month, when the child seeks to communicate with an adult and begins to get bored when he is not around. Attachment to adults arises in a child not only when they care for him and feed him, but also when they communicate and spend a lot of time with him.

All children (with very rare exceptions) feel a sense of affection for loved ones, for example, mother and father. How strong this attachment is, to the greatest extent depends on the behavior of the mother or another person close to the child.

Maternal instinct

Motherhood is a woman's ability to bear, give birth and feed a child up to a certain age, due to his physiological needs. To accomplish these tasks, a woman has a maternal instinct, and maternal behavior is formed on its basis.

A woman must mature in order to become a mother. Not always, from the first days of a child's life, the mother instinctively develops love for him. Sometimes this feeling appears a little later.

Relationship between mother and adolescent child

During adolescence, the mother is required to be as tactful, patient and respectful as possible for the adolescent. During this period, adolescents gradually move away from their parents. Their behavior changes, they have new interests and goals. Teenagers often argue with their parents, pay less attention to them, spend more time with their peers, and show interest in the opposite sex. Teenagers are prone to experimentation, strive to experience new experiences, while trying to be like adults. The mother must come to terms with the fact that her child has already grown up. He still needs her because a teenager needs an attentive companion and friend, not a person who punishes and controls him.

A mother has the right to raise her child, but besides that, she is responsible for him. Often these concepts are confused, so the mother has additional difficulties when communicating with the child.

Mother-son relationship

Mother is the first woman in her son's life. The Oedipus complex is characteristic of early childhood (it got its name from one of the heroes of the ancient Greek myth, King Oedipus, who, according to legend, killed his father and married his mother, not knowing that they were his parents). It denotes a group of conflicting experiences of a boy in relation to his father, which are based on an unconscious attraction to his mother and jealousy, as well as a desire to get rid of his rival father. If the role of the mother in the life of her son is very great, then in adult life he prefers girls similar to his mother.

During the period of growing up of a son, tact is required from the mother - she should not show excessive caring towards him, but at the same time their relationship should remain warm and trusting. “Mom's sons” often have problems at school and when communicating with peers. A mother should be respectful of the girls whom her son brings home, and not impose her opinion on him. Most often, a teenager reacts very painfully to criticism of a girl he likes, feels offended and insecure.

Mother-daughter relationship

The mother plays a very important role in the girl's life. According to psychoanalysis, a little girl considers her mother to be her rival and is jealous of her father, i.e. she has an Electra complex. Over time, the girl gets rid of this complex by suppressing her attraction to her father and identifying herself with her mother. Thus, for a long time, the mother has been an example for her daughter and the closest person to her. A teenage girl is often afraid that she will not meet her mother's expectations and considers herself unworthy of her love. Only with the onset of puberty do girls begin to critically assess their mothers, and emotional alienation arises between them. During the same period, girls undergo sexual identification. They begin to pay great attention to their appearance.

After overcoming alienation, mother and daughter can become real and very close friends. This friendship helps the mother to keep abreast of all the events taking place in her daughter's life and to help her with advice in a difficult situation. In turn, the daughter adopts the experience of the mother.

How to maintain a good relationship with your child?

  • Try not to interrupt the conversation with your daughter or son.
  • Do not prohibit when you know in advance that the prohibition will be violated.
  • Be consistent in your upbringing, do not constantly change prohibitions. Also, do not make excessive demands on the child. Try to make as few comments as possible to him.
  • Don't humiliate your child. Encourage self-reliance, avoid direct instructions.
  • Too strict upbringing causes a protest in the child and a desire to prove his independence every time.
  • The mother should make the teen feel that she trusts him, even when she does not approve of some of his decisions or actions.

Unknown artist "Madonna and Child"

Eating disorders and contact with the Mother

Power style directly reflects emotional needs and affects the state of mind of a person. In infancy, food intake is the main vital function of the child. The infant feels good and secure when his hunger is satisfied. By eating, the baby gets relief from the bodily ill-being that he feels. The warm touch of the soft mother's body while feeding gives the child the confidence that he is loved. Touching the tongue to the tender mother's breast while sucking also gives a pleasant sensation to the baby. This is how the baby develops a stable understanding that satiety, security and love are inseparable.

If a child in infancy is early deprived of the full satisfaction of his vital needs, then this is fraught with further developmental disorders. When such a child is eventually given food, he is in a hurry to get enough, hastily swallowing and does not feel full. This eating disorder grows out of a broken relationship with the mother. Scientists believe that this is how the child's tendency to envy and jealousy in the future is born.

Mother's attitude to her baby when feeding

The Mother's attitude towards the Child influences the further development of the baby even more than the way of feeding. When love from her side is not shown in the communication of the mother with the child, when she is not present with thoughts and attention in the process of feeding the child and thinks about extraneous things, when the mother is in a hurry to cope quickly does not participate in the feeding process - all this leads to the development of the baby aggression towards the mother... Since the child can neither react nor overcome his aggressive impulses, they are repressed into the unconscious. This is how the child's ambivalent attitude to the mother is born. A child has opposite feelings in his soul, due to which various autonomic reactions occur. On the one hand, the body is ready to accept food. And when the baby unconsciously rejects the mother, he has a reverse nervous reaction, spasm or vomiting. These are only signs of the first

In an incomplete family, a single mother has a more pronounced attitude towards raising children than a mother in a complete family. This is especially noticeable in the family of divorced spouses. The upbringing process and the entire system of mother-child relationships are more emotionally saturated. At the same time, there are two extremes in the behavior of the mother regarding her relationship with the child. One of them is the use of harsh educational measures, primarily in relation to boys. This attitude, according to experts, is due to the fact that the mother is jealous of her son's meetings with his father, feels a constant feeling of emotional dissatisfaction and discontent with the son because of the undesirable character traits of the ex-husband that the boy has. Threats, reprimands and physical punishment of mothers are more often applied to boys. Sons often become "scapegoats" to relieve nervous tension and feelings of emotional dissatisfaction. This testifies to the intolerance of mothers to common features with fathers in children and to previous conflict relationships in the family.

The second extreme in the behavior of the mother after the divorce is that she seeks to compensate for what, in her opinion, the children do not receive due to the absence of the father. Such a mother takes a protective, protective, controlling position that restrains the child's initiative, which contributes to the formation of an emotionally vulnerable, lack of initiative, dependent, amenable to external influences, controlled from the outside, egoistic personality.

B.I. Kochubey highlights several temptations, waiting for a mother without a husband. These temptations lead to erroneous behavior of the mother in relations with children, which ultimately causes all sorts of deformations in their mental and personal development.

The first temptation - life for a child. Having lost her husband, a woman places all her hopes on the child, sees in his upbringing the only meaning and purpose of her life. For such a woman, there are no relatives, no friends, no personal life, no leisure; everything is dedicated to the child, aimed at his well-being and harmonious development. She avoids any changes in her personal life, fearing that this may not please the child and distract her from educational tasks. The formula that she is guided by in her life after the divorce: "I can not afford ...".

All mother-child relationships take on a disturbing connotation. Any of his failures, any offense turns into a tragedy: this is the threat of the collapse of her parenting career. A child should not risk anything, should not show independence, primarily in choosing friends, as this can lead him into bad company, he can make many irreparable mistakes. The mother gradually narrows not only her social circle, but also the child's social circle. As a result, the “mother-child” couple becomes more and more locked in on themselves, and their attachment to each other intensifies over the years.



At first, the child likes such a relationship, but then (most often this happens in early adolescence) he begins to feel uncomfortable. An understanding comes that the mother not only sacrificed her life for him, but also demands, often without realizing it, that he respond to her in the same way, compromising his own life plans and attitudes: he must sacrifice his life for an aging mother. In her love, the motive "do not let go!" Prevails.

Sooner or later, this causes a revolt of the child, whose adolescent crisis proceeds in this situation with symptoms of violent protest against maternal tyranny, no matter how mild it manifests itself.

This situation is fraught with serious consequences for both boys and girls. A young man who grew up in a purely feminine environment often looks for a girlfriend for himself, created in the image and likeness of his mother - the same tender and caring, who also understands him perfectly, takes care of him, lovingly controls his every step. He is afraid of independence, which he is not accustomed to in the mother's family.

A girl in search of a way of release, protesting against maternal limitations, against controlling maternal love, having the most vague ideas about men, can commit unpredictable actions.

The second temptation is fighting the image of a husband . Divorce is dramatic for most women. To justify herself, a woman often exaggerates the negative traits of her ex-spouse. So she tries to remove her share of the guilt for a failed family life. Carried away by such tactics, she begins to impose a negative image of the father on the child. A mother’s negative attitude toward her ex-husband is especially strong in children six to seven years old, and less profound in adolescents over the age of ten.

Such a mother usually has an extremely negative attitude towards meetings of a child with a "bad" father, and sometimes even forbids them altogether. There are two possible consequences of such an anti-father upbringing. The first is that the mother's efforts to create negative ideas about the father in the child have been crowned with success. A son, disappointed in his father, can completely switch all reserves of his love and affection to his mother. If at the same time the negative attitude of the mother extends not only to the ex-spouse, but also to men in general, it becomes more difficult for the boy to grow up as a man, and a female type of psychological qualities and interests is formed in him. The daughter's bad attitude towards the father, who left the family, easily turns into distrust of the entire male family, whose representatives, in her view, are dangerous creatures capable only of deceiving women. It will not be easy for a girl with such views to create a family based on love and trust.

Option two: the manifestation of negative feelings of the mother towards the father does not convince the child that the father is really bad. The child continues to love his father and rushes between his equally beloved and hating parents. Subsequently, such a family atmosphere can cause a bifurcation of the mental life and personality of the child.

Some mothers begin to struggle not only with the image of the departed father, but also with those negative (in their opinion) features that they find in their children. In such cases, their behavior is clearly manifested temptation third- heredity , which is most often observed in incomplete mother-son families. Often the mother is unable to cope with her son, looking for the hereditary traits of the father who left the family. Often the qualities that such a mother ascribes to the father's “bad genes” are nothing more than a manifestation of masculine traits in their traditional understanding: excessive activity, aggressiveness. Under paternal inheritance, the mother usually understands the child's independence, his unwillingness to obey her in everything and the desire to have his own views on life and his future destiny. And she regards deviations from the norm in his behavior as the impossibility of changing anything due to "bad genes" and by this, as it were, she is trying to absolve herself of responsibility for mistakes made in upbringing.

The fourth temptation - trying to buy a child's love. After a divorce, the child most often stays with the mother, and this puts the parents in an unequal position: the mother is with the child every day, and the father usually meets with him on weekends. The father is free from daily worries and can devote himself entirely to what the children enjoy so much - giving gifts. With mom - hard days, and with dad - a fun holiday. It is not surprising that in some petty quarrel with the mother, a son or daughter can screw something like: "But dad does not scold me ... but dad gave me ..." Such episodes hurt the mother. In such situations, the mother has a natural desire to surpass her ex-husband in this respect and "outbid" his child's love. She brings down a stream of gifts on the child: let him not think that only the father loves him. Parents compete for the child's love, trying to prove to him, to themselves, and to those around them: "I love him no less and I do not regret anything for him!" In such a situation, the child begins to focus primarily on the material side of his relationship with his parents, trying in any way to achieve benefits for himself. Exaggerated attention of parents to a child can also cause immodesty and overestimated self-esteem in him, because, being in the center of universal interest, he does not realize that the struggle of parents for his love is not connected with any of his merits.

All of these temptations are based on the woman's lack of confidence in her love for her child, in the strength of her connections with the world. After the loss of her husband, she most of all fears that the child may stop loving her. That is why she is trying by all means to achieve childish favor.

Thus, the breakdown of the family is always painful for both adults and children. Unable to control their own experiences, adults change their attitude towards the child: someone sees in him the reason for the breakdown of the family and does not hesitate to talk about it, someone (most often the mother) sets himself up to fully devote his life to raising the child , someone recognizes in him the hateful features of the ex-spouse, or, on the contrary, rejoices in their absence. In any of these cases, the internal disharmony of the adult in the post-divorce crisis leaves an imprint on the formation of the child's personality, because children largely perceive events, focusing on the reaction of adults. Often, adults use children as an object of relieving their negative emotions, spreading negative aspects of the situation they are experiencing. At the same time, parents lose sight of the fact that the child always suffers deeply if the family hearth collapses. Divorce invariably causes mental breakdown in children and strong experiences. That's why adults need to take into account the circumstances that affect the mental development of the child in such a situation.

This is exactly what one of the leading US specialists in the field of pediatrics, child psychology and psychiatry, Allan Fromm, advises parents to pay attention to. The main provisions of his family "code", addressed to divorced parents, are as follows:

1 ... Divorce of spouses is often preceded by many months of disagreements and family quarrels, which are difficult to hide from the child and which worry him. Not only that: parents, busy with their quarrels, treat him badly, even if they are full of good intentions to remove him from solving their own problems.

2. The child feels the absence of the father, even if he does not openly express his feelings. Moreover, he perceives the departure of the father as a rejection of him, the child. These experiences have been going on for many years.

3 ... Very often, after a divorce, the mother is again forced to go to work, so she devotes less time to the child than before, he feels rejected by her too.

4. For some time after the divorce, the father regularly visits the child. This deeply worries the baby. If the father shows love and generosity to him, divorce still seems to the child
more painful and inexplicable, he looks at his mother with distrust and resentment. If the father is dry and aloof, the child begins to wonder why, in fact, you need to see him, and as a result, the child may have a guilt complex. If parents, in addition, are seized with a desire to take revenge on each other, they fill the child's mind with harmful nonsense, scolding each other, thereby undermining the psychological support that a normal family usually gives the child.

5. Taking advantage of the split in the family, the child can push the parents against each other and benefit from it. By forcing him to win his love, the child is forcing himself to be pampered. His intrigues and aggressiveness over time may even cause parental approval.

6. The child's relationship with his comrades often deteriorates due to their immodest questioning, gossip and his unwillingness to answer questions about his father.

7 ... With the departure of the father, the house loses its masculinity: it is more difficult for the mother to take the boy to the stadium, to develop his purely male interests. The child no longer sees clearly what role a man plays in the house. As for the girl, her correct attitude towards the male sex can easily be distorted due to open resentment against her father and the unhappy experience of the mother. In addition, her idea of ​​a man is not formed by the example of her father and therefore may turn out to be incorrect.

8. In one way or another, the mother's suffering and worries are reflected on the baby. In a new position, a woman, of course, is much more difficult to fulfill her maternal responsibilities.

The above circumstances, combined with the mistakes that mothers make in raising children in a divorced family, can lead not only to disorders of the child's mental development, but also to deformation of his personality as a whole. But the psychological problems of children brought up in a broken family are not limited to this.