Why in civil marriage need a joint accommodation agreement. Guest marriage features: pros and cons of separation of spouses

18.06.2019

In Russia, an increasing number of steam is in no hurry to immediately register their relationship, they want to just live together to try to try together, look at each other and only then decide whether they need an official marriage.

This is explained by the fact that divorces constitute a rather large percentage in the country. And such a relationship does not oblige to a man and a woman, and you can disperse without consequences if the couple did not work out.

Cohabitation or civilian marriage recently becomes popular more and more. This is a close relationship between two people who are not executed in the registry office.

In itself, the phrase "civil marriage" in accordance with the current legislation means an officially registered marriage.

But in Russia there was a misconception of this term. Under it understand the actual family or cohabitation. Therefore, it is important to figure out what civil marriage and cohabitation, whether there is a difference between these concepts.

History

In the modern world, many believe that the living of a man and women on one residential area without official registration of relations in the registry office is a civil marriage, they do not know what the civil marriage is different from the cohabitation.

But even before the last century in Russia, as in many other countries, all questions regarding marriage, birth and death, fixed the church. Another way simply did not exist.

Only in the early 20th century, government agencies were created, especially for recording acts of civil status. Marriage registration also included their competence. In some countries, the marriage can be registered as in the registry office and in the church.

In Russia, a marriage that is registered in the church is called wedding. It does not bear any official agreement.

Whereas the relations decorated in the registry offices are a civil marriage that is under the protection of the state. It is regulated by the Family Code of the Russian Federation.

The term "civil marriage" has become quite popular in a variety of discussions of family situations. Often this phrase is used to designate marriage relations, unformed officially.

Thus, it can be concluded that such a civil marriage and cohabitation. Civil marriage is a legal, registered marriage.

A joint accommodation outside the official marriage that has not been fixed, has such a name as cohabitation.

Nor property nor personal rights in such an union by law are protected. Family legislation recognizes only those pairs that have entered into an official marriage.

Practice shows that unofficial marriage has a lot of advantages.. The main ones are:

In Russia, as nor in one other country, the patriarchal traditions of the past are preserved. Civil marriage occupies in them not the last place.

Of course, in the modern world, people who are solved for joint residence without registration of relationships in the registry offices are not faced with a strong condemnation in society.

But in 2019, such a family model, as cohabitation, has many flaws.. The main ones are:

Practice shows that couples that have positively belong to the trunk living together, less responsible. Therefore, after registering the relationship, some believe that the cohabitation and civil marriage is the same thing.

According to statistics, a long stay in unregistered relationships, in the future negatively affects the subsequent marriage.

Family couples, which already has a negative experience of living together, more often than the other desire to terminate the official union.

At the moments of reducing senses and affection, people tear the relationship, which under other circumstances could be preserved.

The cohabitation changes the attitude of partners to the official union and the prospects for marriage stability decrease.

Civil marriage in Russia is the marriage union of partners, which should be officially registered in government bodies. Many people are mistaken when they believe that civil marriage is the same thing as cohabitation.

Therefore, it does not lose its relevance to the similarity and difference between these terms. But, as if they did not call the accommodation of a man and women on one residential area before registration of marriage, the essence remains unchangeable - this is an impersonal cohabitation.

Trying to give some status to such a relationship, cohabitation is called a civil marriage. But it does not give them any legal force.

In accordance with the legislation of the Russian Federation, civil marriage differs from the cohabitation of what is the official registration of spouse relations with the relevant state body.

The cohabitation is accommodation on one residential territory of a man and a woman, without registration of the official Union.

In the modern world, most steam call unregistered civil marriage relationships. But from the point of view of legislation is incorrect. Since under a civil marriage you need to mean marriage registered in the registrar without the participation of the Church.

It is important to understand the difference and take into account the shortcomings of the cohabitation. Since in the event of a relationship rupture, a woman and a child can stay without material assistance and alimony.

In addition, according to statistics in unregistered relationships, single mother and children without a father appear in unregistered relationships.

People who live a long period on one territory and have acquired property, after the death of one of the pair can not inherit anything. Therefore, it is worth thinking about the feasibility of such relationships.

Much safer to legalize your relationship, especially before the birth of a child. Then there will be no problems with the section of the property and the establishment of paternity.

In primitive society, a man remained a mother's family, and women lived separately and raised children who lived with them all their lives. At the same time, his wives were cared for their chosentes, and those shared with them prey. Over time, these traditions moved to the background. The spouses lived in a separate family and under one roof, but if the conditions allowed, slept in different rooms. With the trends in the decrease in the living area per person in developed countries, such a state of affairs has changed, and the family acquired the traditional appearance for us. However, not so long ago, there was a trend to live freely, and the guest marriage began to meet more and more.

Causes of separation of spouses

In Russia, it is considered that if a woman with a man officially issued a relationship, but for some reason does not live with him under the same roof, then this is a guest marriage. In the US, quite simple stay separately, and the official registration of relations is not at all. Statistics showed that most often in modern society such marriages are found in America, and in the UK and the rest of Europe, their number is only 10% of the total number of pairs.

The reasons for living can be somewhat somewhat, and everyone has their own, but most often this type of relationship occurs because of:

reluctance to conduct a joint economy;
features of work;
disagreements about the place of residence of the couple;
study in another city;
unsuccessful experience of the former marital life;
threats divorce;
financial difficulties and lack of housing.

Most often, guest marriage is temporary, but some pairs, successfully applying this model, continue to live and on. If your husband is working as a shift method, then you can not say that you live separately. The total budget and management of the economy are signs of an ordinary family. In the case when the husband or wife constantly lives in another city and builds a career, you can already admit that it is a weekend relationship.

Such marriages are often condemned by society, as they are knocked out from the framework and do not fall under the standard model. However, if both spouses consider acceptable accommodation separately and at the same time feel happy, then there are no reasons for concern for their future.

Guest marriage: pros and main cons

First of all, it is worth talking about the benefits of separate coexistence. Defenders of such relations lead them to defend their position:

lack of household routine (no need to worry about the habits of its second half, adjust to the addiction in food, hobbies and day mode);
enough free time;
there is no control from the side of the spouse and can be conducted as much time with friends or by a computer;
the woman remains desirable, as a rule, it is more well-keeped, and at the same time a man does not see it in cosmetic masks, stretched t-shirts and in unclear form;
men more often support themselves in shape and remain attractive and sexy.

Partners, even being married, remain a mystery to each other, and the pair easily passes the period of empty quarrels about not there left things, unbearable cups and raised toilet bowl.

But it is not necessary to consider the guest marriage only from the point of view of the advantages and close the eyes to the obvious disadvantages of this model:

strong such a family will only be if both partners are provided, active, healthy, successful;
the pair usually disintegrates at the first crisis (loss of work, housing, illness);
the basis of the coexistence is sexual relationships, and if one of the spouses ceased to receive pleasure from them or it does not have the opportunity to enter the sexual contact for a long time, then the relationship is coming to no;
there is no durable emotional connection between spouses;
marriage of this type often resembles market relations;
when children appeared in the family, all obligations bearing one spouse.

As you can see, there are quite a lot of negative sides and it is worth mentioning that not everything, entering into the guest marriage, understand how difficult it is in the emotional plan. The most difficult situation is developing, even if one of the partners in nature is jealous.

Guest marriage through the eyes of a psychologist

Above we have already touched partly the topic of emotions and complexity of the day off. Psychology does not consider guest marriage with something incomprehensible and unnatural. Families can live as long as long and then go to one roof or part. If immature people come into such relationships, then the situation is fraught with big problems.

Most often they arise from those who differ in the warehouse of character with infantality, egoism. In these cases, the reluctance to take responsibility and conduct a joint life, which hides behind separate relations, prevents the work on the construction of a happy family. In this case, people just hide from their own fears and excitement. Some may argue: "We live separately and happy," there are really such cases, but if difficult times will come, and the spouse will need, the pair may not withstand this test.

Pathological relations can be called guest marriage after a divorce. According to the experience of many couples, this practice helps to bore a family collapsed earlier and look at all with different eyes, but the more separation period, the less chance of such an outcome. Usually, at meetings, one of the spouses tries to show himself from the best side and please in everything, and the second perceives it as proper.

Two, from the point of view of psychologists, there is a situation for a child born in such relations. On the one hand, he can experience the deficit of attention from the second parent, testing pressure from society. On the other hand, the child is capable of growing with a flexible psyche and become a very mature person without stereotypical thinking. The chances of the development of the situation are not equal, often the society wips the top, so happy children in such families are found only in quarters.

It is worth remembering that most often children in this case may take inheritance such a family model. The most striking example of this Nikita Sergeevich Mikhalkov. Now his spouse Tatiana lives most of the time in the country. Earlier, Natalia Konchalovskaya lived there, and her husband Sergei Mikhalkov spent the main time in his Moscow apartment.

A strong guest marriage may be if two strong personalities entered him. It is also important not to depend on public opinion. If you look at the female forum, where the topic of such marriages is discussed, most often most condemns this form of relationships, and some of the instigators even try to cause a feeling of jealousy. Indeed, there is a big temptation to lead a double life, and perhaps even have another relationship, but if a couple loving, the subconscious desire to pay attention to others will pass.

Reed Khasanova April 30, 2018, 00:26

Guest marriage is the Union of two people who do not live together constantly. Sometimes such relationships with separate life are only a temporary phenomenon, and sometimes in this mode, people comfortably live for many years. Such a format of relations can be with the full division of finance and domestic duties, but also with complete mutual support. Guest marriage has and advantages and disadvantages.

What does guest marriage mean?

What is a guest (living) marriage? This means that with officially registered relationships, each of the spouses has its separate god. If not to take into account the official marriage, then these relationships are similar to that stage, when a man and woman are only found and walk on dates.

Guest marriage in the modern world is alternative to traditional familyThe desire for free relationships and fear of proximity to the partner. For those couples that stand at the beginning of the relationship, guest marriage is a good opportunity to get closer to each other before creating a family with a common life.

It is important that the relationships at the distance are not delayed for a long time, otherwise the habit of freedom and separate accommodation can lead to parting after a minor quarrel

If someone from the spouses builds a career, and in connection with the work there is a need to live in different cities, then guest marriage is the best ability to save relations. If partners trust each other and both want to keep marriage, then the conditions of guest relations are possible for an extra time, after which the logical reunification will occur.

What guest commitments are installed for spouses, they solve themselves. If the husband and wife are financially independent of each other, then such obligations can almost not be.

In the case when spouses have childrenThe responsibility increases, and the obligations concern mainly the education of the child. In other cases, the spouses at guest marriage are trying to maximize themselves from each other's problems.

Guest marriage and child

Guest marriage: Psychology

Guest marriage in psychology is not considered pathology. This kind of relationship is perceived as another marriage format that suits some types of people.

Relationships will be harmonious only if both partners are satisfied with such a situation over long years. Then guest marriage can be considered a normal option.

Guest marriage - the best relationship optionIf spouses:

can not get along in everyday life, often quarreled by minor reasons;
engaged in building a career in different cities, countries;
fear new relations due to the negative past experience;
wishing to extend the feeling of novelty and romance in the relationship;
appreciate personal space and do not seek to adapt to each other;
below to people of creative professions (actors, directors, artists or writers).

In such cases, for men and women, guest marriage is hardly the only correct decision to preserve love and mutual respect.

Spouses who choose a guest marriage

Guest marriage: Esoteric

From the point of view of esoterica in guest marriage, representatives of such signs of the zodiac are needed, as Aries, Lev and Virgo. They are very comfortable to share personal space and not to annoyance due to incomprehension of habits and characters.

Tales and Streltsytelling the creation of a traditional marriage, as they appreciate mutual support, and seek to make a joint accommodation as comfortable as possible.

Capricorn and Gemini welcome a separate accommodationspouses. But at the same time, on the territory of the second half, they feel at home and also care, together solve household problems. Such relations sooner or later end with association.

Fish and crayfish Theory can support the idea of \u200b\u200ba guest marriage, as in their fantasies a pretty rainbow picture is drawn, as spouses are infrequent, but joyful meetings. In fact, a loved one, they will not want to let go from themselves for a long time, and guest relations for these signs. do not fit. Sooner or later, such a marriage will disintegrated.

Guest marriage that will lead to divorce

Scales, Scorpio and Aquarius They adhere to the opinion that the spouses should live together. They have a high need to share with their experiences with their experiences, so he must be near. Aquarius can take a guest marriage only if it is not a host of the host, and will apply visits to its half.

Pros and minuses of guest marriage

Some spouses are very comfortable in guest relationship, and such a marriage can continue for many years.

Relations in which both partners live separately a lot of advantages:

There are no disagreements about the life of the life. If the spouses have different habits, regime and tastes in nutrition, it is very convenient to live separately, since it is not necessary to constantly adapt to each other and accumulate irritation.
If the spouses prefer to lead a separate budget, then it is much more convenient for guest marriage.
With separate accommodation between spouses, romantic relations remain, and meetings will be emotionally brighter and joyful.
Spouses who live separately, can make their leisure to their taste, to engage in favorite hobby at a convenient time.
The breakdown in guest format is less painfully, as there is no such strong attachment to the partner, as with traditional joint stay.

Happy spouses in guest marriage

Despite such pleasant advantages of guest marriage, you can allocate and mass of flaws. Therefore, most families still prefer to live together along the traditional embezzlement.

Negative sides of the guest marriage:

Guest marriage is very difficult to achieve emotional intimacy, which develops with joint living.
Mutual with financial difficulties, diseases of one of the spouses or other problems in guest marriage are very rare. Often, spouses prefer not to tire each other with their own problems.
The main problem of guest marriage is the harmonious education of common children. Since the child needs to grow in a full-fledged family and spend free time together with parents, guest relationships can lead to problems in raising children.

Guest marriage

Guest marriage for women

Women in their nature more prone to creating a strong family and home the hearth. But in the modern world, women have the opportunity to develop in a professional plan, be financially independent. It gradually led to the fact that there is no desire to infer the partner on marriage, change his habits, sacrificing personal comfort.

Guest marriage is suitable for those womenwhich is comfortable alone, and they put independence from the man on the first place. Such autonomy allows them to feel more significant.

Guest marriage for a woman is needed in the case when it reaches a mature age and does not want to get used to habits and character of a man in a new marriage. In this case, separate accommodation - the best way For calm, comfortable relationships.

Often separate accommodation adhere to those women who have minors children from previous relations. They are not in a hurry to move to a traditional marriage until they are sure that its chosen one and children will not find a common language.

Guest marriage for men

A man is considered the main minider in the family. Therefore, with a separate marriage format, it basically wins, because it is not necessary to break between the duties at work and in the family. Yes, and economically very profitable keep a household alone.

Often, men belonging to the introveus type of personality tend to the form of a guest marriage. It is important for them to have a personal space in which they could leave when you want

With a traditional marriage, such silent "leaves" into another room among the spouses, most likely caused bewilderment or discontent. Therefore, for such people, guest marriage format is perfect.

But on the other hand, a man psychologically difficult Being without supporting your spouse. Sooner or later, the spouse living on another territory will feel the shortage in the emotional plan, will feel the inferiority of life. This happens when there is no permanent access to the love and care of your second half.

Guest marriage for men and women

Guest marriage - the term, known yet, not yet, but at the same time gaining popularity. The relationship of this format is increasingly supporting young people who are more convenient to live separately and not to try to each other with characters and not solve joint household problems. Sometimes guest marriage gradually flows into traditional. And sometimes leads to a discontinuity, because at a distance of feelings have the property to fade.

To learn 9 arguments that can push the guest marriage, watch the video:

These questions are responsible psychologist, leading and participant of many television and radio programs.

"AIF": - How smoothly and gently lead to legal marriage? How to hint a man that I want to marry?

Annette Orlova: -Once before the woman had already stood up such a question, then, it means, "smooth and neatly" you brought your relationship to the fact that you. There are points in any things in which you can change something (bifurcation points), or when the relationship goes into such a calm bed, which can be long enough. This does not mean that it is impossible to change anything. Probably, you are just smooth and neatly necessary, you need some other strategy. Apparently you are very correct, take not a lot of space in the relationship. It is believed that who has a good prospect of being long-term, this is a marriage, prisoner from 1 year to 2 years after dating. It is believed that during this time people have already accumulated positive joint experiences, which help to overcome the crisis of the first year, 3 years, this is such.

And the second moment is that there was a passion, lifting in a relationship, because in 5-7 years, the passions are less. And what is marriage for a man? - This is a refusal of many freedoms and opportunities. For example, he needs to abandon the fact that he internally understands that all women in the world can be seduced, he must take responsibility, and usually the biggest incentive is that this woman is very manitis and attracts to himself.

It is clear that marriages are consisting of 3, and after 5, and after 7 years. The most interesting situation when girls say: "There was no stamp, everything was fine, signed -". Such situations occur when people signed 9 years after dating. The relationship has passed all phases. This is the same if the people of 9 years have lived in the same house, and it does not matter whether there is a seal or not. This is a marriage, and on our, today's standards, a long-term marriage. And when everything starts to deteriorate, people suddenly remember that they are all bad because they are not painted. And running in, trying to glue what is not so. It is already harder to do it.

I think the easiest way to still marry, he must understand that he can lose something from what is now in his usual arsenal.

Now, if you are value, and it will feel that you are focused on having children and do it, he will shake and think that he needs to change something. Again, if you are value for him. I say now very simply, primitive and enough, maybe cynically, so that it is clear that if at the moment the relationship is already in another phase, then after you start crushing or say honestly, that it does not suit you, all this It may lead to the fact that a man can be given. Especially if no interest is no longer, and he is not ready to take responsibility for this woman, for these relationships.

"AIF": "Apparently, long cohabitation not only does not lead to marriage, but also in every possible way in man readiness and the desire to marry - and so everything suits. Maybe then at all should not live together before marriage? But then how to understand what domestic shortcomings, men can be put up with what will have to get enough for some way, and what will be tolerated, which is simply impossible?

AO: -We cannot live separately from those circumstances that around us in society occur. Today, a lot and clearly say: let's live together after official registration, it is not always possible. Realities a little others. Therefore, people often begin to live together before marriage. And then you can not start living together and not at all.

About women. Women, however, like men, if it should be focused on an official marriage, because children are being given to the official marriage. We have an Orthodox country, and we must try to increase the number of children. You can do it only when a woman feels safe with a man, and a woman is safe only in official marriage, because in our country is not regulated.

If a woman consists, she will faster on the second or third child, because he understands that children are somehow protected, and it is protected. I believe that women's interests are more taken into account in official marriage, because people quarrel, put up, but when there is official status, some difficult moments outweighs it. I do not think that you only need to meet with friends, go to the movies, ride on vacation, and to live separately, but it is desirable, and even better before, talking to a man and understand whether he is focused on an official marriage. If you see in a conversation that a man is aimed at an official marriage, that is, he perceives you not as a girl for entertainment or, then why not.

A real woman always remains a woman, no matter - in this house she lives or in another, and a man will always want to marry her. In fact, if a man wants to marry, he can stop him little.

"AIF": - What would you wish to our readers?

AO: -I want to wish everyone - girls, let's try to be, and let God help us that there were a lot around us. But remember that a real man can only reveal with a real woman.

Guest marriage today is considered an alternative to traditional family relations. It has a lot of minuses and pros, similarities and differences before the familiar relations of spouses.

This article is intended for persons over 18 years

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What is a guest marriage

The modern world is full of stereotypes, but the relationship between men and women is no longer built by the usual scheme. Perspectives of career growth or the impossibility of "here and now" to live together no longer become an obstacle to the official registration of relations. Today gives us such a concept as a "guest marriage".

What does it mean to conclude a guest marriage? In international law, there is no separate definition for guest marriage, as all requirements for the traditional design of relationship are formally complied. Partners confirm their status in the registry office, it is possible to even change the name of the spouses. The only thing and most important difference from the familiar to society of family life is a separate accommodation.

Psychology does not call the conclusion of the guest of the pathology or, on the contrary, the evolution of mankind. Each union of people is individual, and therefore such a choice of relationships is motivated by a certain reason.

Pros and minuses of guest marriage

Guest marriage should be considered as a type of relationship, where partners themselves identified their position in relation to each other and quite satisfied. If you treat this concept progressive, then in a separate marital life you can find our pros and cons.

The list of indisputable advantages can be attributed to the following:

no routine. Most pairs fall apart precisely because of the routine relations, where passion is lost between the spouses and there is no mutual understanding. According to statistics, less than three years in men and women may have lost intimate interest in each other, there is a need for temporary solitude and even separate accommodation;
maintain an attractive physical form and appearance. The non-permanent joint stay of spouses on one housing excludes "addictive" to each other, so people want in such an alliance to always be in a tone and not lose attractiveness in the eyes of a partner;
relative financial independence. The lack of restrictions on personal purchases or visits to cultural places completely eliminates the pressure from the partner.

In addition to the above factors, you can still name the lack of household disputes, the extension of the candidate-bought period and much more.

To the main mines of the guest marriage should be immediately attributed:

idealization of a spouse. Because of rare and short meetings, you can create an image other than a real person. Psychology confirms this fact and recommends that in this case carefully choose a partner for marriage;
sole education of children. In guest marriage, care for children actually holds only on one partner. Our user forum and multiple feedback confirm that the kid to raise is rather problematic in such conditions;
subconscious desire to make a novel. The absence of restrictions in the marital life allows us to think about maintaining relations on the side.

This list complements this list for yourself, since we are all individual. In any case, it is worth understanding that women often need daily care and support, so such relationships are often terminated for them.

Guest marriage for women

The female nature is increasingly prone to the formation of strong marriage and creating a family hearth. In modern realities, feminist desires gradually pushed thoughts on compulsory submission to the spouse into the background, and the possibility of career growth gave financial independence. There is nothing wrong with that, however, such a situation led to new difficulties: the reluctance of partners to give way to each other, sacrifice their own comfort, habits, etc.

If not to dwell on the peculiarities of today's society, it remains to simply make such a state of affairs. A person can be at any age not ready for marriage, or simply cannot change his usual lifestyle due to beliefs, complexes and other psychological problems. If you contact astrology, for example, you will immediately understand how the scorpions relate to traditional marriage. They do not wish to recognize the fact of affection and the more do not see the need for confirmation of relations at the state level. This fact is even confirmed by statistically, and more often in such a situation are men. What can be done in this case?

If your chosen one or chosen recognize the marriage in the traditional sense of the word, then two ways of further development of events are possible:

joint accommodation with a child. The development of relations involves the emergence of a child over time, and there is already a need for its joint education. In this case, even typical scorpions are often inferior to the family and do not regret their decision;
an attempt is short-lived living in the form of vacation, housing team rental. Such cases become the first step towards acceptance of affection. The main thing is not to provide pressure on the partner and simply enjoy the joint stay on one living space;
saving a guest marriage or complete termination of relationships. If partners really suite everything, then there is no need for a further change of life circumstances. Before the law, the couple may formally issue relations in its own interests, but to live separately. This is not prohibited by law, but obliges spouses to support each other in difficult situations.

Thus, before the start of the guest marriage, it is worth seriously thinking about further prospects. Such a type of relationship can become a real step to create a strong family or, on the contrary, bring unfortunately.

Who agrees for a guest marriage or "Why I want to live separately"

Guest marriage can not be called the pathological fear of traditional family life or its modern alternative. There are cases when guest marriage is a good way out of the current situation. On the guest marriage, the Bashes agree:

people who have no common living space or financial opportunities for its acquisition. The reason for such a situation may be a temporary disadvantage of funds or unwillingness to live in a removable apartment. In any of these and similar cases, guest marriage is a temporary solution;
frequent workers' business trips, creative periods of life and political activity. The specifics of partners work definitely affects the formation of their relationship, therefore, in constant joint living, it is simply not necessary. People independent creative, political and other professions can be simply forced to leave for a business trip or need to be privacy;
quarrel or divorce. In this case, the relationship is also called guest marriage, but it is rather self-deception and unwillingness to recognize reality;
Elderly people when changing their habits for the sake of another person is impossible physically and morally, there is a need for specific living conditions, medical care, etc.;
accommodation in various countries. This reason most accurately reflects the adequacy of the concept of "guest marriage". With the official design of relations, partners from different countries may be forced to live separately: registration of a visa, a residence permit, etc.

The traditional understanding of marriage and Orthodoxy do not take the concept of separate residence of spouses today. Nevertheless, the above examples are difficult to name illogical or immoral.

How to stop the guest marriage

There are two main ways to terminate guest marriage: official divorce or joint accommodation (transition to the traditional form of marriage).

In the first case, it is enough to apply for a divorce to the registry office and agree on the care of children, if any. Most often no problems arise, since the spouses and previously lived separately.

If we talk about the transition to the traditional form of marriage, then everything is more complicated here. Partners have thoughts: how to survive the constant presence of another person in my life, wasn't it a mistake?

Answers to these questions can only be given time and joint efforts of partners. The main thing is to remember that guest marriage is an opportunity to create a strong family, and everyone can use it in its own way.