Nutrition and diet 

Disharmony and discord in relationships. If there are quarrels in the family over money. Lack of emotional closeness

Each family goes through an average of 6 in their entire life, couples with children - up to 9 normative crises. But besides this, non-normative crises sometimes arise in relations. They are associated with personal problems, changes in members, and individual crises of family members. Regardless of the type, each crisis threatens the well-being of the marriage, the result of the crisis is the rallying of partners or. But what it depends on and how to overcome the crisis, let's talk.

The main reason for misunderstanding between people is omissions, suppression of discontent, concealment of emotions. Are you sure you speak clearly, clearly, openly? If your communication style “could have guessed”, then understanding is not worth waiting for:

  • Firstly, telepathy is not yet recognized by science - it is unlikely that your husband has this ability.
  • Secondly, a man's thinking works in such a way that it expects direct phrases and specifics. And first you should say a fact, and then your opinion, arguments and other clarifying data. It is not recommended to abuse abstractions, epithets, comparisons.

Example: A man helps you around the house as much as possible, but yesterday he was so tired that he forgot to wash the dishes. You come and say: you never help me. Is it never? Or the husband did something, for example, nailed the shelf, but did not wash the dishes, and you expected him to wash it. The result is the same: you never help me, you don’t do anything around the house. Clarify, say more specifically, what you are unhappy with. But present it not as an order or an accusation, but as a request, an expression of your desire, a calm description of your emotions.

Another example: you crave a romantic breakfast in bed on weekends, but the man stubbornly refuses to do it. You already sighed languidly while watching such a scene in the film, and talked about your friend Lenka, and made a lot of other hints, but you never got breakfast. Gradually, dissatisfaction accumulated, and you made a scandal: you are not looking after me. Again, is this the case? Doesn't he care at all or just couldn't guess about breakfast? If the second, then say directly that you are waiting for a specific sign of attention in the form of breakfast in bed.

Why doesn't my husband respect me?

You gave up the idea of ​​communicating in hints, but you are still not understood. Probably, the point is different: you are understood, but not respected, your opinion has no weight, your partner deliberately ignores your needs.

Possible reasons for disrespect on the part of the husband lie in the behavior of the wife, disrespect on her part:

  • authoritarianism, criticism, insults, excessive control over the husband;
  • overprotection, scandals and accusations, manipulation of pity;
  • attempts to re-educate a man, treating him like a child;
  • lack of interest in her husband's life;
  • ridicule, ridicule of the male, creative, intellectual and other potential of the spouse;
  • betrayal, betrayal, behavior that does not arouse the husband's approval and respect;
  • lack of personal development, passive lifestyle, poor housekeeping, unwillingness to take care of oneself, lack of motivation for self-realization and self-development.

But if your relationship was initially not distinguished by respect, then, most likely, the reasons lie in the psyche of your husband.

The most likely internal reasons for male disrespect are:

  • associated with women;
  • reproduction of the parent's example;
  • submission to some authoritative person, friend or famous person, repetition of his model of behavior, treatment of women;
  • , other features, character traits such as egocentrism.

A woman is unlikely to cope with these problems on her own. I need the help of a psychologist or psychotherapist.

Among the reasons for male disrespect, one more factor can be distinguished. It is possible that you are feeling false disrespect. What kind of manifestations are you expecting? It is not a fact that both spouses have the same idea of ​​respect and care. Maybe you consider the lack of flowers disrespectful. Or unwillingness to fulfill all your desires to the detriment of your spouse's personal interests.

However, there are signs of disrespect that are adequate and common for all people: insult, ignorance, assault and so on. There can be no doubts about the realism of your claims.

Why doesn't my husband appreciate me?

Again, the answer lies in what does not mean to you. Maybe you are waiting for constant hot compliments, constant spending time together or romance with carrying on your hands and petals in the bathroom? And for your man, all this is not a value - he believes that it is much more pleasant to ensure the safety and comfort of a woman.

In addition, there are restrained in compliments and unromantic men due to the peculiarities of their psyche. By the way, most men tend to ignore the little things. Therefore, he will definitely not notice the new hair length, which is a couple of centimeters shorter than the previous haircut.

This is probably also because your value systems are different. The recipe is the same: talk to your man. Be direct and honest about what worries you, what you want and expect.

Why can't my husband hear me?

The partner may be tired, preoccupied with problems at work, or other thoughts. Or is it a consequence of a disrespectful, indifferent attitude towards you.

Try this exercise: once a week, arrange your day and your husband's day. What does it mean: the whole day you live according to the instructions, desires, needs of your husband or wife, the other day - vice versa. In this situation, willingly or unwillingly, you will have to listen and hear each other, try to understand. The subtleties of the exercise:

  • You can express disagreement, an alternative point of view, but not insist on your opinion, if today is not your day.
  • Discuss disagreements, express your thoughts unobtrusively, calmly.
  • Share with each other feelings, emotions, experiences.
  • Do not abuse the position, respect and preserve the personal boundaries of the spouses. Each person has something that he does not accept - the so-called taboos. Define for yourself the boundaries of psychological flexibility, unchanging principles and beliefs. Voice them to each other.

You can also try another variation of this exercise: assigning responsibilities. For example, pick a day when only your husband cooks or does all the housework. This is especially appropriate if he does not hear your requests for help, complaints about fatigue from everyday life. In the future, you can divide all the painful duties among yourself, and not set aside separate days. For example, you are cooking - your husband washes the dishes.

What to do, how to survive the crisis?

First of all, acknowledge the problem, do not avoid difficulties, do not try to hide your dissatisfaction. The more you suppress yourself, the stronger the tension. Conflicts and quarrels are signs of a crisis, scandals are a consequence of silence.

Take the initiative and speak first. Be honest, open, and listen carefully to your partner. Sometimes girls do not notice that they themselves do not differ in attentiveness and restraint.

To clarify all relationships, including family relationships, one rule is relevant: use "I-statements" instead of "you-statements." For example, say not “you don’t respect me”, but “I am sad, hurt because my actions and words go unnoticed, I feel unloved, abandoned”. Or not “you are not at all involved in the child”, but “it is difficult for me to take care of the child alone, I need your help. I do not have enough time and energy for myself and for our relationship. Let's discuss how we can resolve this issue. "

The advantage of this technique is that it neutralizes what necessarily follows as a defensive reaction to the accusation. No accusations - no aggression, no defensiveness. Start with yourself, stick to this position, do not weaken your self-control, and soon your partner will also be in the mood for dialogue.

If you are accused of something, then agree, but immediately supplement with a request for help. For example, a husband says: "You have stopped looking after yourself and the house, I hate it." You can answer: “Yes, you are right. I do not have enough time and energy for everything, because I am constantly with the child, I work. I would be grateful for your help and support. Then I would be able to return to the previous form, to return your interest. "

After figuring out the reason, come up with a solution together. Here are just a few options:

  1. Add variety to your daily life and sex life. Living together changes the spouses' perceptions of each other: what used to be liked is taken for granted or is completely overlooked. When was the last time you went on a date? Yes, even in a long-term marriage, you can and should go on dates. Maybe you haven't gone out together for so long that your husband forgot what a gorgeous woman he got. Or it's time to find a new family hobby.
  2. Re-know and accept one another. It is possible that the discord in the relationship is caused by mutual personal changes. Yes, you could become completely different, strangers to each other, or even strangers. It's time to find out if these two new people are right for each other. For cognition and rapprochement, use the method of Arthur Aaron. Read about it in our article.
  3. Find a common cause. The basis of a strong marriage is a stable, full-fledged sex life, a common cause, mutual respect, joint development. A common cause will become both a reason for communication, and a way of cooperation, and a method of knowing each other.
  4. Forget about everyday life and go on vacation for a day, two days or a week. Choose a place where you two will be. Maybe you want to go to a country house, where you need to light the stove on your own, get and cook food. Or you will choose another option for teamwork. Check your feelings in terms of cooperation, spending time with each other: you will either save the marriage, bring freshness to the relationship, or you will understand that it is time to leave. Either way, you win.
  5. If you don't see any options for rapprochement yet, but you don't want to part, then try to part for a while. Specify the terms of the "experiment" and arrange a new period of courtship, a new acquaintance, walk through the places where you used to walk and meet. Memories will not leave your husband indifferent. If in the process it becomes clear that you cannot be together, then the relationship is probably outdated. No need to cling to a habit, torment each other.

Building a calm and trusting dialogue is not easy, especially if the husband is not interested in resolving the issue. But then the answer suggests itself: if, with a human, respectful approach on your part, your husband still shouts, humiliates, ignores you, then isn't it time to end the relationship?

Actually, this becomes clear immediately after the husband's reaction to your phrase “I am worried about our relationship, it seems to me that we have moved away, do not understand and do not satisfy each other. Let's talk, find out the reason, find a solution. " If you and your family are dear to a man, he will agree to talk calmly or go to a family psychologist. If not, then he will constantly avoid you, ignore the problem.

People cannot live without quarrels. Different upbringing, worldview and interests can cause discord in the family. People cease to understand each other, begin to quarrel and scandal. Quite often such clashes lead to divorce. How to avoid misunderstandings and maintain a good relationship for years to come? Read about it below.

Everyday problems

The main reason for all conflicts is the inability to live together. People who have been brought up in different social conditions do not “get used to” each other well. Someone may find it strange a scandal due to unwashed dishes or uncovered toothpaste. Now imagine that the dishes that you are used to seeing clean all your life suddenly cease to be. Or the paste will stop closing. Little things like that, which can be condescending at first, gradually begin to irritate. Family discord begins with a small rift. One partner asks the other to change his habits. If a person does not hear his soul mate or does not want to change himself, then soon it will be possible to expect a major quarrel. You need to be able to change and adapt to the requirements of a loved one. Yes, it will be difficult, but you can win a lot more. A good attitude of the other half, who will notice positive changes in you, will pay dividends.

Boredom

What is the second most common cause of family discord? If one of the partners could not realize himself, did not find any hobby, he will not live his own life, but the life of his soul mate. In this case, the life of a partner who has his own interests will become unbearable. Why? Eternal calls and SMS will be annoying. A person will not be able to concentrate on work or on his hobby, as the soul mate will be bored at home and will demand attention. In the evening, when a person wants to relax, the restless partner will walk around and blunder about the need to go to the cinema or to a restaurant. A person who cannot find employment on his own is unbearable. It's boring and uninteresting with him. Such a person will not be able to tell anything, but will demand that everyone around her be entertained. Most often, such individuals are women, but exceptions to this rule are not as rare as we would like.

Divergence of interests

What causes family discord? People who at the beginning of their life together have common interests may lose them over time. A person changes, he reconsiders his views on life and on himself. It is not surprising that sometimes some part of his hobbies remains in the past. People who stop spending time together start to drift apart. They have nothing to talk about. They no longer understand each other and cannot understand what went wrong in the relationship. The visible facade of happiness can only be a beautiful picture, behind which there is nothing. Such a relationship can be called dead. If a person no longer understands his soul mate, and her presence nearby begins to annoy, then one should first look for changes not in a partner, but in oneself. If you've really changed, talk to your loved one. Coldness in a relationship is always felt by two people. If you want to maintain a good and strong relationship for a long time, then you should not lose common interests. Even if you are no longer interested in an activity, find an area in which points of contact still exist.

Pay attention to each other

Do you have a family discord? What to do and how to restore the relationship? We must try to pay as much attention to each other as possible. People who drift apart tend to spend less time together. Have you noticed the coldness on the part of your partner? Do not blame the person that he has lost a bright feeling for you. Take the initiative. Organize a romantic dinner for your loved one, make a small gift, or buy movie or theater tickets. Try to pay attention with all the means at your disposal. A person who will be surrounded by care and love will not be able to leave you. Relationships are an ongoing job. If you don’t make any effort, then you will get the appropriate result. Take the time to talk to your partner in the evening, instead of watching the next episode of your favorite TV series. If you play the main role in the life of your significant other, then the attitude towards you will be the best.

More trust

Are you jealous? Your mistrust can cause discord in your family. What to do in such a situation? You need to understand that the more you trust the person, the stronger your relationship will be. What is jealousy? This is self-doubt. If you are jealous of your partner for colleagues or friends, then you think that the people around your significant other are more interesting than you. Is it really? If this is true, then it is foolish to take offense at others for being smart and interesting personalities. Try to do your best to rise to their level. A person who is confident in herself will not be jealous of her partner. Trust is the most precious gift you can give to another person. The other half who truly loves you will try to build your confidence. If you see that a person lives up to your expectations over and over again, be sure to praise him. The second half will be pleased that she lives up to the trust.

Don't give ultimatums

The reasons for family discord can be different: dissatisfaction with a partner, high expectations or exorbitant demands. Whatever the reason for your fight, don't be categorical. Do not promise and do not say that you will never do something or do not intend to do it. Life is very interesting. Some time will pass, and you will be able to do something with pleasure that you did not plan to do. Therefore, do not drive yourself into frames. A loved one will lose confidence in you if you repeatedly promise not to do something, and after a week life will force you to break your word.

Also, never give an ultimatum. Stupid is the woman who makes a man choose between her and something else or someone else. Today your faithful chose you, but will he make such a choice tomorrow? The less conventions in your relationship, the easier and more reliable they will be.

Do not wash dirty linen in public

Do you believe in lining up family discord? Even the most non-superstitious people may believe that others have interfered with their happiness. You don't have to be superstitious to realize that there are too many ill-wishers in the world. Someone may want to destroy your happiness out of envy, and someone will want to take out their anger on you. How can you maintain a relationship for years to come? Try not to dwell on them. You don't need to tell everyone about your quarrels and omissions. No need to wash dirty linen in public. You should not share personal problems with your girlfriends, friends, or even your parents. Today you had a fight with your soul mate, and tomorrow you will make up. You will forget all the bad words that the dear person said to you. But close people will remember them and secretly despise your soul mate. It is this mistrust and bad attitude that can cause discord in the family. What's the easiest way to get rid of gossip and gossip? Do not give people reasons for them - and the number of envious people will immediately decrease in your life.

Don't go insulting

What is the easiest way to make a family breakdown? Quarrels and disputes cope with this task quickly and efficiently. You must understand that it will not work to live peacefully with a person. You still have to swear from time to time. Try not to remember the past in your quarrels. If you swear about the fact that your faithful did not nailed the shelf, then scold him only because of the shelf. You don't need to remember that he also didn't take out the trash during the week, and last weekend he refused to go to the movies with you. Restrain yourself and do not stray from the topic of the initial conflict. There is no need to create a snowball that cannot be stopped later. Indeed, in a fit of anger, you can say very offensive words for which you will be ashamed. Your significant other can forgive you for the insult, but the scar from your intemperance will forever remain in the heart of a loved one. Remember that a word can hurt very badly. Therefore, even in the heat of an argument, try to control what you say.

Learn to listen to each other

Couples who quarrel often try to find the reasons for their contention. Some superstitious women genuinely think their main problem is family corruption. And instead of solving problems, they take the time to learn how to remove the spoilage of family discord. If you are truly superstitious, go see a fortune teller. Don't try to do black magic at home. But in fact, all the problems that two people have are related to the fact that they do not know how to listen to each other. People are very fond of talking. But not everyone can listen to what they answer. Think: can you listen? It is very easy to find out. Think back to your last dialogue with your significant other and spin it back. Remember phrase by phrase. Did you succeed? Most likely, you will not succeed. This is an indicator that you were thinking about what to say to the person while he was pronouncing his phrase. Learn to grasp the essence of each word. There are no empty dialogues. Listen to everything that your significant other tells you. Then you don't have to go to fortune tellers to improve family relationships.

Always solve problems right away

Do you want your quarrels not to develop into grandiose scandals? Then don't put off solving problems until later. If you do not solve the problem as soon as it appears, do not think that it will somehow resolve itself. The situation may indeed level out over time, but the cause of the discord will not be eliminated and will remind of itself at the most inopportune moment. Learn to take responsibility for family problems. Do not think that a serious quarrel is the result of damage to family discord and divorce, which was brought about by an envious neighbor. Did you have a fight with your husband? Find out what was the reason for the quarrel, and try to eliminate it immediately by reaching a mutual agreement. Every scandal must be resolved immediately. If you tell your husband about it and try to fix the problem with your joint efforts, then your relationship will become stronger.

Focus on strengths, not weaknesses

Each person is unique, and this must be understood. Each has its own merits, but there are also disadvantages. You need to accept your significant other for who they are. It is difficult to remake an adult. Yes, you can correct some habits, but in general, you cannot eradicate all the shortcomings. You will have to accept that the person can be unpunctual, sloppy or irresponsible. Don't focus on these shortcomings. The virtues for which you fell in love with the person should overlap the negative character traits. It makes no sense to seek help from third parties to change a person. Due to the shortcomings of your soul mate, a "crack" went and this affected the relationship in the family? How to remove discord and eliminate it forever? Here we can only advise one thing - to be tolerant. There is no point in scolding or judging a person. You fell in love with a person for his merits, try to accept his demerits.

Do more than is expected of you

Do you want to maintain a good relationship for years to come? Then do more than is expected of you. Did your loved one ask you to go out and buy groceries? In addition to essential goods, buy a cake or ice cream. Even such a trifle will be pleasant. If you know that a girl loves flowers, then try to present her with bouquets not only on holidays, but also for no reason. Please your soul mate as often as possible. Thanks to small surprises that are presented unexpectedly, love will be warmed up and will not fade away. Do not be afraid of damage to family discord. If you treat your soulmate with reverence and tenderness, then no black magic can tear you apart.

If there is discord in the family, then a piece of happiness and peace leaves life, everything falls out of the hands and there is a desire to restore everything. The first rule of salvation when there is discord in the family is to look at the world around us through the eyes of the interlocutor.

“All happy families are alike, each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way. "This well-known phrase of the famous Tolstoy remains relevant to this day.

Of course, all people strive for happiness, and, creating a family, falling in love, they think that happiness will never leave them, that the house will always be a full cup, and the "love boat" will never "crash against everyday life," as Mayakovsky wrote ...

However, unfortunately, in life everything happens completely differently, and it happens that even in the best family discord and misunderstanding can come. And if there is discord in the family, then happiness and peace pass out of life, everything falls out of hand and you want to fix everything as soon as possible.

There are a lot of reasons for conflicts and disagreements in a family, ranging from the simplest little things to fundamental issues.

Often, all quarrels and conflicts in the family are connected precisely with everyday issues that seem so unimportant and petty at the very beginning of family relationships. But what is meant by everyday life? Of course, this is all that is connected with the economy: the amount of money each spouse earns, and the expenses that each of them makes, and cleaning, and washing windows, and the notorious removal of garbage, in a word - everything that constantly surrounds us ...

During a life together, all this life becomes common, and here interesting moments begin, which lead to discord: it can be a mirror in the bathroom stained with toothpaste, and forgotten socks under the bed, and a coffee cup placed on a clean table, and dirty shoes in the middle of the hallway. ... ... All these are seeming trifles, but when disagreement in these seemingly unprincipled issues occurs day after day, then at some point the “last drop effect” occurs, and then everything turns into scandals and discord in the family.

There is one oddity - earlier, before marriage, both people also had everyday affairs and needs, but why do they not always manage to start doing everyday life together? Why does none of them want to give in to the other in any way, and then, when quarrels occur, they get scared and begin to ask the question: what is to be done in the family?

So, the discord in the family happened precisely because of the "stuck" life, if every day there are many small quarrels on absolutely insignificant issues, then in this case it is worth stopping and thinking first. You need to imagine yourself in the place of your partner, to understand what and how he feels? What resentment is he experiencing? Or maybe he's in big trouble right now at work?

We must try to get so used to the role of a husband (wife) that we even begin to think like he or she.

Imagine that coming home from work very tired, the spouse just wants to relax, eat and sit next to an affectionate wife. What does he see instead? An unhappy wife, a shrew in a washed dressing gown and with a bunch of complaints about some unpatched nail or a small salary.

Or, on the contrary, the husband can think how much a wife can get tired after spending the whole day with a one-year-old child who needs constant supervision, and at the same time having time to cook a delicious dinner, clean the apartment and even comb her hair! Really, having understood her, it will be difficult for the husband to sit his wife on the sofa and wash himself, for example, the dishes?

So, the first and most important rule of first aid, when there is discord in the family, is to look at the world and at your family through the eyes of your partner, try to understand him, and not rush immediately into condemnation of his behavior.

The second thing that simply needs to be done in case of quarrels and an unfavorable situation in the family is to start a dialogue. Moreover, it is a dialogue, not a monologue, and try to make it as constructive as possible.

And in order for the result of the dialogue to be a mutual agreement, it is necessary to observe some small rules: first of all, you should not start a conversation in a raised voice. If it is very difficult to restrain yourself, then it's worth it. ... ... shut up. Count to ten in silence - and the initial anger will go away, you can start talking calmly, without screaming.

It is also not worth starting a dialogue with accusations, with the words: “You are bad! ". Such a beginning will immediately set the interlocutor into an aggressive conversation, self-defense will work, and this will not lead to anything good. After all, a dialogue with a loved one is not a fight with the enemy, where one attacks, and the other is forced to defend himself. Therefore, it is best to start a conversation not with accusations, but with constructive criticism, softly explaining your discontent and speaking, first of all, about your emotions, about how one or another act of your partner offends, and also offering your own ways to resolve the conflict.

Be sure to listen carefully and with understanding to your interlocutor after the initial speech in the dialogue. What does he think about this? Perhaps he did not even know that he had done anything offensive, did not suspect the bitterness that he caused.

During such a dialogue, you must certainly listen carefully to each other, noting for yourself everything new that you can learn from the interlocutor's speech, you must not stoop to mutual accusations and insults. One should not forget for a minute that this person is a loved one, that it was with him that I once wanted to spend my whole life, and that he is worth at least just listening to him carefully and trying to understand.

The third, very important thing that simply needs to be done in order to resolve a family conflict is touching. It is a gentle, quiet touch, a hug that can sometimes say much more than a thousand words. You do not need to groom and cherish pride within yourself and wait for your partner to come up first after a major quarrel. Sometimes you just need to step over your anger and gently touch your loved one. You will immediately feel the energy, warmth, and the intensity of the conflict's passions will be much reduced, after which it will be much easier to resolve the discord through dialogue.

Fourth, remembering can sometimes help. You just need to remember the beginning of life together, love, all the most romantic and pleasant moments of life - there were a lot of them! And how much more there may be in the future! So is it worth ruining all this, getting angry with your loved one because of everyday problems? Of course not.

In any case, what to do if there is discord in the family, each person decides for himself. It all depends on whether there is a desire to keep the family together, whether there is love and trust in a relationship. It is worth remembering that sometimes you do not need to show excessive pride, be an impregnable fortress or a silently proud wall, but you need to step over pride and be the first to take a step towards your loved one, listen to him, understand, forgive and hug.

And sometimes they do not say anything at all, without responding to, perhaps, unfair accusations. Because a truly loving person will always change his mind and be ashamed of his words, and will be the first to go to reconciliation.

If there is love, then no way of life can destroy a family.

We must remember that no one can solve a family conflict, except for two - a husband and wife. That a mutual silence will never lead to reconciliation - she can only provide a temporary respite of the conflict, which sooner or later will simply break up and then affect the entire family, including children.

Likewise, mutual accusations and insults will not lead to anything good: subsequently, peace, perhaps, will come, but the memory of bad, offensive and rude words will remain a bitter residue for life, and, most likely, in the next conflict they will be remembered, and then the discord will become even more acute and even more intractable.

You should not say or do in the family those things that you will then have to bitterly regret all your life.

You need to know and remember only one most important thing: a loved one, the closest, the most dear. And so he always remains, even in a quarrel, and therefore you should not even think of him for a second as a stranger.

Harmonious relationships fill our lives with meaning, help us cope with adversity and give energy. Unfortunately, this is not always the case. Some relationships, which began as a fairytale romance, eventually become like a scary story told on a moonless night around a campfire.

Sometimes even the people closest to each other begin to feel that something is wrong: the ship of family happiness has begun to leak, often began to lurch "to the left" or simply fall apart before our eyes. But do not despair - if you can recognize the alarming symptoms in time, you may have time to save your relationship. Here are 5 of the most common bad omens:

Lack of balance

When you love a person, you want to give him all your attention, take care of him and support him in everything. If over time you began to notice that your partner often takes your care for granted, requires sacrifices from you in many issues, but he himself does not try to do something for you, this is a reason to think. After all, harmonious relationships are built on reciprocity!

The flip side of the lack of balance is the constant “calculation”: who owes whom and how much. When you or your partner are walking around the house with a calculator, mumbling under your breath about the cost of gifts, the length of calls and the number of SMS sent, it looks at least strange. Remember, feelings are not mathematics! The balance is spiritual, qualitative, not quantitative.

Frequent criticism

If in a couple one person criticizes the other too often, such a relationship is doomed! Sooner or later, one of two things will happen: either the one who is constantly oppressed will fail, or the “critic”, having convinced himself of the worthlessness of his partner, will go looking for someone better. Remember that close people should support each other in difficult times, and not blame. Often it is the one who is the real cause of the problem that criticizes and gets angry!

The flip side of the situation is the constant silence of problems, dissatisfaction with one goal - to preserve the relationship at any cost. You can endure for years, be silent and forgive even the most unpleasant situations, but one day you can break loose and dump on a loved one everything that has accumulated because of some trifle. Therefore, it is the constant and unfounded criticism that is bad. Sometimes it is possible and even necessary to chide each other and point out real mistakes!


Manipulation

When relationships are built on sincerity and trust, there is no need to resort to dirty tricks. But if one of the partners is not completely honest, whole cycles of representations begin: claims, distrust, excessive jealousy and other emotional pressure. If your loved one constantly makes you feel guilty and fearful of losing him, or takes offense at you for no apparent reason, think - why does he need it? Perhaps these are just properties of temperament, but more often than not, manipulation is hidden behind such behavior!

They begin when the spouses become so familiar with each other that it does not even occur to them that the person living next to them may be interesting for something else. When we stop thinking about the true needs of our partner, we lose them. How to avoid a “blurred look” and get out of family crises without losses, the participants of the women's club SILENZA told psychologist, life coach Julia Polivoda.

RECOGNIZE

Accept that some family values ​​are outdated. Complete unity and penetration of the wife into the life and soul of the husband are no longer relevant. Concepts such as “melted into a loved one”, “would be cute next to”, housekeeping devotion no longer work. All men watch TV and surf the Internet. And they see trends. And the trend is youth, individuality, grooming. And even the very last man will strive for the generally accepted ideal.

BE SELF-SUFFICIENT

Maintain self-sufficiency- means to love yourself, to match the image of a beautiful and confident woman. Start with completely technical things: personal care, sports, image changes. Sometimes even a new dress can make a difference. Why do you need to take care of yourself? Because a man lives in conditions of over-choice. There are fewer men, more women. Women want a family, men subconsciously strive for freedom. So, if your husband is dear to you, you will have to work hard to be interesting to him in 15 and 20 years of marriage.

UNDERSTAND WHAT HE WANTS

Our women are extremely conservative. Once they received knowledge from their mother, at school, from fashion magazines that wrote about love through the stomach, and so on. But it is important to understand what exactly this man needs: hot dinner or hot sex? A woman with a riddle or stability? What kind of rest does he prefer? I had a client who thought that her husband liked the beach in Turkey, and he wanted to go fishing with men all his life. Another wanted to appear as a super hostess, making sushi according to a TV recipe. And flies secretly hated this sushi and dreamed of pork chops. Sometimes people, having lived 20 years together, do not bother with the thought - what does my partner want? I suggest you answer this question.

FUEL RELATIONSHIP

Be sure to fuel the energy of your relationship. By what means? Through family rituals that have a truly mystical power. For a man, this is a wonderful fixation in the brain, he will clearly know that on Saturday night we always have dinner together. It will bring him pleasure and build your relationship.

BE OPEN NEW

Here is a typical situation from my practice.“Until the age of 40 he was alone, and then it was as if he was replaced!”. In fact, nobody was changed. This is the problem of how you monitor your husband's mood. Understand, there is no such thing as a perfectly puritanical husband. Someday his subconscious mind will work. Therefore, there is no need to be afraid to go with a man to Amsterdam, and not to Truskavets with pensioners. Show him that there are no taboo topics for you either. Show that he has not yet recognized everything in you, that there is still gunpowder in the flasks. " It's like the phenomenon of a book you read. A man should want to come back to you and rediscover you. As soon as you feel that there is a breakdown in the relationship, show yourself on the other side. The man is attracted to it. And one more important point: it is necessary to maintain some special quality so that a man can tell his friends: "Well, only my wife can do that!"