The man is naughty like a child. Why is my husband acting like a child? Infantile husband

Have you ever heard of the term "KIDALT"? It's a relatively recent concept, but pretty fitting for a certain kind of guy. Most of us probably have at least one guy who acts like Peter Pan. A charming adult teenager who touches and annoys at the same time. These are men who cling with all their might to an elusive childhood, avoiding commitment and abstracting from pressing problems.

The Peter Pan syndrome was actively talked about in 1983, when the book by the American psychologist Dan Kylie "Men who did not become adults" appeared on the shelves of stores. Who among us does not remember the eternal child Peter, whose life was full of adventure and magic? The desire to remain in a carefree childhood is characteristic of many modern teenagers. Some children do not know how to grow up, others do not want to. In the first case, we can talk about typical asociality, when the child does not find a way to become part of society. It is difficult for such boys (and later adolescents and adult men) to leave the comfort zone with which they associate a happy childhood. When a child is small, he is taken care of, he is protected, important decisions are made for him. Growing up, the boy is faced with the need to show independence. It scares. If a teenager does not know how to adapt to adulthood, it is partly the fault of parents who did not give answers to important questions in time or went too far with guardianship. If a boy does not want to grow up and take responsibility for his actions, this indicates his inability to adapt to the world around him, as well as selfishness, irresponsibility, a tendency to manipulation, infantilism. According to psychologists, regardless of the nature of the manifestations, Peter Pan syndrome is considered as a psychological deviation, which must be corrected with the help of specialists. In real life, these guys are great friends to go on a surprise trip with, go to bars, go snowboarding and do other cute stuff. But when you enter into a romantic relationship with them, your whole life turns into hell.
So how do you get around the eternal Peter Pans? Here are a few signs of a man - a scammer:

“Adulthood” stresses him out
He is light and funny, he can burst into laughter, he can take you out for a walk in the park at night, buy candy with all his money ... But as soon as he is fined for crossing in the wrong place or reprimanded at work, he falls into a terrible depression, and in some sometimes even crying. Often, after this, scammers withdraw into themselves, play computer games or watch TV shows without leaving home.

emotional immaturity
He is no longer fifteen years old, and he is still unable to control his emotions. For example, crying or throwing tantrums because they don't get what they want or because they can't handle the situation.

Addiction
He's just having fun, right? So it's completely normal that he spent money on pizza and cheap wine and has been watching anime all day. Many guys of this type quickly become alcoholics or get hooked on psychotropic substances in order to escape adult reality. Escape from reality is a common feature among "manchildren". Drinking with friends on the weekend is one thing, but if you're constantly watching your partner try to get at least a bottle of beer, think about it. Perhaps you are already dealing with a bearded teenager who will spend all his income on soft drugs and action figures of the new "avengers".

He has a negative attitude towards the institution of the family.
Marriage and children categorically frighten such men. If their friend marries, then he is immediately perceived negatively, the connections gradually fade away. Kidalt does not understand why having children and spending time with them. He is afraid of a serious relationship.

Escape from reality
A man cannot face the truth. It is easier for him to ignore problems than to solve them. With age, the fear of reality only grows stronger, and the man is looking for ways to get away from it into a careless illusory world (addiction to alcohol, drugs, gambling and computer games).

He can't handle conflict. AT ALL.
A kidult male will act in two ways in a conflict situation:
1. Run away from her and pretend there is no problem.
2. Childishly take revenge and say something in the spirit of “he is like that.” You will be accused of all mortal sins, and you yourself will be to blame for everything. ALWAYS.

He still dresses like a child
If your partner is 40, and he is still running to choose a sweatshirt with a funny print at h&m and he does not have a single jacket… Not everything is so scary. But if a partner refuses to work somewhere where a dress code is laid down or basically doesn’t go to the opera because of this, think about it.

His priorities are distorted
He will probably forget that the rent is due soon or that all his socks are dirty. He can also spend the whole day tidying up his desktop on the computer, while all around him is a complete mess. He might choose to go to an Avengers premiere or take a spontaneous road trip instead of a friend's wedding.

He doesn't feel the need to leave
When two adults live in the same apartment, they are usually expected to share household chores as well. But he's probably the type of person whose parents did all the cleaning for him, so he just doesn't notice the dirt in the house.

You can't rely on him
Unless it's about something as "important" as picking a beer or a movie, then forget that this man will do anything for you if it takes some effort. Even if you tell him half a year in advance that on a certain date you will need to go to your grandmother's anniversary, then it will definitely turn out later that he is going to his dream concert on that day. He will forget to pay your general bills, in short, he will shift all the important things to you (including financial ones). He will ask you to buy him plane tickets, book a hotel ... In short, you will also become his secretary.

Psychologists note several critical periods of Peter Pans:
Until the age of 17, the boy is diagnosed with anxiety, self-doubt, irresponsibility, misanthropy, puberty disorder
From 18 to 22 years old, the young man suffers from narcissism and male chauvinism
From 23 to 25 years there is persistent depression
From 26 to 33 years old - a man is dissatisfied with himself, the people around him and circumstances; not able to start a family and move up the career ladder
From 31 to 45 years old - continues to be depressed, plunges headlong into the abyss of a midlife crisis
From the age of 45, a man is overcome by gloomy thoughts. In order to somehow diversify his monotonous existence, he falls into childhood (for example, he buys adult toys: cars, equipment, computer games), escapes reality, gets young companions and prefers to spend time in the circle of young comrades.

If such a syndrome is detected, serious psychological help is required. Unfortunately, Peter Pan Syndrome can very often lead to divorce, although it happens that a woman suffers from such a man-child all her life.

Question to a psychologist

My fiancé uses 2 types of behavior with me, he either behaves like a small child, asks to be shaken, undressed and put to bed, that is, he demands too much affection from himself; or he constantly makes claims to me, is rude, pulls, and the interval between these states can take 1 minute. It is impossible to ask him for anything, if theoretically I can do it myself, then any of my requests causes him indignation, abuse, so I don’t want to ask for anything again. I know that he is a very good person, he loves me, but sometimes it seems to me that he loves what I can give him (care, affection).
I try to explain to him all the time (both for good and in a boycott) that you can’t talk like that with a woman, with your closest person. He says no, but you take me out yourself. (Recently, the absolutely terrible words "scum", "creature" have come into use, after which one simply does not want to live from resentment and pain). I do not know what to do, I hope that he can somehow help ..

Hello Maria! let's see what's going on:

he either behaves like a small child, asks to be shaken, undressed and put to bed, that is, he excessively demands affection from himself; or he constantly makes claims to me, is rude, pulls, and the interval between these states can take 1 minute.

BOTH behaviors are CHILD behavior! Your young man is simply extremely immature, and you allow him to be like this with you - after all, you fulfill these requests of him, stay with him when he criticizes you - he learns only ONE thing, that you can behave THAT way with YOU, that you ACCEPT it!

and this is an indicator of how you feel about yourself!

I try to explain to him all the time (both for good and in a boycott) that you can’t talk like that with a woman, with your closest person. He says no, but you take me out yourself.

Due to his immaturity, he will NOT take responsibility - he shifts responsibility FOR his feelings, thoughts and actions ON YOU! and YOU WILL NOT convince him that IT IS IMPOSSIBLE to behave with YOU! don't expect this from him, and don't expect him to hear you - hear yourself - if this behavior is NOT GOOD FOR YOU - then DO NOT stay YOURSELF in this situation, and do not ask him to change! DO NOT divide it into good and bad - IT IS SUCH! and YOU see HIM - and the more you allow to accept, the more he will shift onto you - humiliation, insults have already appeared, and you are trying to explain something to him! draw a conclusion for yourself - do you accept this attitude towards yourself ???

Maria, if you decide to figure out what is happening - you can feel free to contact me - call - I will be glad to help you!

Shenderova Elena Sergeevna, psychologist Moscow

Good answer 4 bad answer 0

Hello Maria! Yes, he can be helped, only if he wants it himself. What you describe is a classic case in psychology. If he doesn't go to therapy and you still want to keep a relationship with him, then you will need to become a "mommy" for him for the rest of his life. And small children are very capricious, unpredictable, then give them caresses like in a bottomless barrel (most likely your young man did not receive enough love from his mother, and from you he will always have little love, no matter how much you give him, because that you are not really his mother, but he is unconsciously waiting for exactly that love), then how teenagers become cynical maximalists. If you want such a family life, then endure it, and if not, then either convince him to go to therapy, or leave him and look for another partner.

Isaeva Irina, psychologist Moscow

Good answer 5 bad answer 0

Hello Maria! It's good that you want to help your loved one. After all, love is self-denial. However, to help does not mean to teach or remake. Here again we meet with a paradox: in order to help another to change, one must change something in oneself. Do you feel pain and resentment after his words and what conclusion do you draw? You try to explain and you boycott. That is, you shut up, in the hope that he will guess. I think that your explanations do not reach, and there is nothing to say about silence at all. Then he will guess what he thinks about. Therefore, your actions, your behavior is extremely ineffective. It does not reach the addressee. You get more and more disturbing feedback. First outbursts of irritation, and now insults. However, you endure and continue in the same spirit? And you want to help HIM? You see, Maria, the form in which you clothe your requests, and your thoughts, and your desires is very important. The form in which you do it does not fit. In response to her, he probably feels pain, resentment, insult, or something similar. When you tolerate his antics, he is proven right. Because if she suffers, then she is guilty. As a result, your misunderstanding of each other only increases. There is only one way out. Each time, clarify what this or that means to him and what to you. You are offended, for example, tell about it and explain why and how it happened. After that, be sure to listen to the answer. Not to be offended, but to understand how he feels. This can be difficult, because falling into your grievances, you want to sulk and be silent, and wait for others to guess. This is how children usually behave.

Sincerely, Istranova Natalya Leonidovna, psychologist Moscow

Good answer 2 bad answer 2

It happens that a woman brings up two children, having given birth only once. We are not talking about twins or adoption, but about husbands who behave like children. Why uncles over 30 are so similar to babies and how to be a mother with many children, read in our article.

What are the reasons?

There can be a huge number of reasons for the children's behavior of our chosen ones, but conditionally they can be divided into five large categories:

· They rest like that. This group includes men who constantly have to "keep face" in serious positions and positions of responsibility. In childish childishness, they are looking for emotional relaxation, they try to relax as much as possible and move away from the role of a sedate uncle in the company of relatives and friends.

· They attract attention. These are men who have not yet matured emotionally and have not learned how to express their feelings. They know that if you jump out at your wife from around the corner, then she will definitely pay attention to them and guess about unearthly love as soon as they pull the pigtail.

· They are being protected. Behind the mask of fun and carelessness, male children can hide resentment and insecurity. After all, no one will blame the child for his failures, no one will take it into his head to hurt him and do bad things to him.

· They are trying to catch up. If the boy did not have a childhood, he never jumped from the roof of the garage into a snowdrift and did not fight with soldiers, he seeks to fill this gap in adulthood.

· They are bored. To entertain themselves and their soul mate, such men remember their childhood and resort to the same jokes and games. It used to bring great joy, why not repeat everything now?

There is nothing wrong with children's behavior, everyone sometimes wants to fool around with loved ones, especially if it brings sincere pleasure. It's all about the duration of these childhood "attacks". If a man behaves like this all the time, it's time to give him an express course on growing up.

What NOT to do?

The option to take the position of an adult (read, “mommies”) is the most obvious and bad plan of behavior. It seems that then the woman compensates for the behavior of the man and shows how an adult should behave, but this works differently. A man who understands that a woman takes all the responsibility will “hit childhood” even more, because he is indulged in this! In addition, this has a detrimental effect on emotional and intimate intimacy, because this is already a relationship between a parent and a child, and not a man and a woman.

What SHOULD be done?

Don't take on the role of a mother. And do not take on the role of a husband either, remain a woman with your feminine behavior and deeds. A man must feel responsible and realize that if he does not fulfill his male duties, then no one will. Of course, at first he will try to sabotage everything, and the most important thing then is not to succumb to provocations. He decided to lower his salary on a radio-controlled helicopter? Please, but now do not be offended that he has to cook and take lunch in a container to work, instead of the usual trip to a cafe. Let him decide, be responsible and learn from his mistakes. And at the same time, do not forget to praise and encourage, as it transforms.

Even more advice on re-educating boys of all ages is given by family counselor and psychologist Mark Barton in the show "". Under his guidance, even the most troubled men in just 10 weeks turn into caring husbands and responsible fathers.

Greetings, dear readers! If your husband acting like a child and you do not know what to do, then our article is for you! Here we will look at the main reasons for this behavior, as well as ways to solve the problem.

By following the recommendations below, you can correct your husband's habits and make him the real head of the family. Do not forget that in order for the husband not to behave like a child, it is important to let him know that he is the support in the family and you cannot cope without him.

In the case when you already have a child in the family, then this is a good reason for "re-educating" your chosen one. Do not forget to tell your husband from time to time that your child is equal to him, and therefore it is time to behave accordingly. Such a comparison will show the chosen one the full responsibility of his behavior.

Try to build a trusting relationship with your husband. Do not criticize or scold him like a child, but rather support him so that he begins to behave differently. The chosen one should feel that you are his colleague and good friend, and not mommy. Try to clearly divide household chores in your family so that your loved one knows what actions he is responsible for and what you are responsible for.

Dear readers, we sincerely hope that in our article you have found effective recommendations on how to make your husband stop acting like a child. We say goodbye to you with the belief that you will be able to relate to your family.

If your friends have the same problems in the family as you do, you can recommend them to read our article on the social network.

Share this article with a friend:

Hello dear readers of the blog Samprosvetbulletin!

Why does a man behave like a child? What is this, infantilism? A woman should be behind a man, like behind a stone wall, and not be his nanny, who should solve problems for him and know what he wants in life, ” writes Eugene.

“You often mention in your blog about psychologically immature men. What if a man behaves like a child when difficulties begin and problems need to be solved? When I told him about this, he laughed and said that men are big children, ” Olga writes.

“At first we had a great relationship, he ran after me like a dog. Then he suddenly calmed down, asked me to give him time to think about whether we should develop relations further. I was tired of waiting and I asked him that we were breaking up then or how? He admitted that he did not know if he was ready for, because then he would not be able to go to nightclubs and would have to part with other girls with whom he periodically meets. It turns out that I was not alone with him, but simply among the favorites. And the man, by the way, is already over 40, has never been married. So it will probably ride through life and never grow up. And now I have to start again, ”- Julia writes.

About which men it is best to focus on, read in my last article →. And in this issue we will analyze one oddity in the behavior of some men.

Is the man a big baby?

It is often said that a man is a big child. And in principle, this is not bad when it comes to the desire to discover the world, learn new things, develop logical and creative potential through games. Children, unlike adults, are not yet burdened with negative experiences and irrational fears that prevent them from living normally and enjoying every day, every new event.

My friends' little 4-year-old daughter took an iPhone, downloaded the application and started playing. Dad was amazed at how quickly and easily she learned to use technology, with which he himself does not always find a common language. In fact, the child is not yet subject to stereotypes and fears that it is difficult and scary to learn new things, his mind is free from oppressive irrational thoughts and blocking defense mechanisms.

We often slow ourselves down with stereotypical thinking, fears and stop in our development. Therefore, in the sense of a direct, stereotype-free perception of reality and a thirst to master the world, it is even useful to remain a child who openly smiles at a new day. This is a wonderful quality, both in a man and in a woman.

Peter Pan Syndrome

Unfortunately, childish behavior is not always a sign of spontaneity. More than 20 years ago, a social phenomenon was discovered in society, which was given the name "Peter Pan syndrome". This term was introduced by the American psychotherapist Dan Cayley. Peter Pan is the protagonist of James Barry's fairy tale, a 12-year-old boy who lives on a fairy-tale island and does not grow up. You may have already seen this in life: but still behaves like a child when difficulties and problems arise.

The main feature of men with Peter Pan syndrome is the fear of taking responsibility for themselves and others. They avoid duties in every way, do not admit their mistakes and like to shift all the blame on others or external circumstances. In other words, these are men who, in the process of growing up, have not formed into a mature personality.

Such men feel that they cannot meet the demands that are placed on them as adults. They cannot cope with reality and take refuge in their own world where everything is easy and nothing is serious. They are not able to truly establish close relationships with a woman, or with friends, or with loved ones. As a rule, their relationship with the opposite sex is short-lived.

The psychotherapeutic practice collected by various specialists shows that the “Peter Pan syndrome” can be caused by a genetic predisposition, such as high extraversion combined with low emotionality and environmental influences.

Often, such immature men had a very strict father and did not feel love in their family. Parents made high demands on the boy, wanting to make him successful and direct him along a certain path. Perhaps he was forced to follow in the footsteps of his parents, to learn a certain profession. The boy was forced to play a role that did not suit his abilities and interests. In such a situation, the child goes into his inner world, in which he does not grow up.

Another case of the development of the “Peter Pan syndrome”, when parents overprotect the child and do not accustom him to responsibility. If a man in childhood and adolescence was not taught to take responsibility, then it will be difficult for him to do this as an adult. He prefers the easy way: to remain a little boy at heart.

Such men often experience a chronic sense of boredom and therefore are in search of fun and adrenaline. They may be committed to extreme sports, get bogged down in sexual adventures, alcohol and drugs. On the one hand, they want to be loved, but they lack the maturity to maintain a reliable relationship. On the other hand, they claim that they want to live the life that has always suited them, that is, easily and carefree. Most of them suffer from emotional isolation, which is compensated by exaggerated behavior, such as narcissism or macho behavior.

Staying young at heart is the desire of many people, but it has nothing to do with psychological immaturity. The ability to take responsibility gives us the opportunity for self-realization, the ability to develop further and discover new facets of a fulfilling life.

Unfortunately, many women have to deal with psychologically immature men. I know a man who first meets women and then runs away from them, sleeps with his little dog and spends all his income on his own entertainment. I ask him: listen, you are already over forty, when will you get married? To which he replies like this: "before getting married, I want to first go around the world and see other cultures ...". This is, for real, a big child for whom life is a continuous adventure and game. To marry means to leave the game and adventure, and this is impossible for him.