Were you put in a corner as a child? Remember how it was? For example, I was rarely punished, but the couple of times when I stood in the corner and chipped off the plaster from the wall, I remember perfectly

How to raise children without punishment? We study and apply new rules.

New methods

Were you put in a corner as a child? Remember how it was? For example, I was rarely punished, but the couple of times when I stood in the corner and chipped off the plaster from the wall, I remember very well. The main question is - did it have a positive effect on you? On me - no! When I became a mother myself, I promised myself not to put my children in a corner or spank them - never. The eldest daughter is now 9 years old, and I successfully keep this promise. However, I regularly had a question - what to do if I have already erased my tongue, repeating for the hundredth time to the children the request to clean up the bed, collect the scattered toys or wash the dishes after breakfast? I grumbled nonstop. The upbringing methods of my mother and grandmother clearly did not fit, it was necessary to invent new ones of our own.

We have five daughters, they are all different. I love them very much, it is interesting for me to play with them, to watch how they develop, to find out what they think and dream about. However, when I scraped off the plasticine smeared on the carpet, or collected endless candy and gum wrappers, I caught myself feeling like I was managing a herd of irresponsible destroyer mines, who set out to fill the apartment with rubbish to the ceiling. After going through many approaches in search of tools for collectively maintaining order at home, I still found those that fit our family. And besides, I made a discovery - my children are much better than I thought of them! Honestly! They weren't lazy, irresponsible, or unkempt at all - it was all about organization! Here are some rules that worked for us.

1. Appoint a chief. Honestly, I love to command, and so do my children - heredity makes itself felt. If you appoint a chief for cleaning the table, this is a 100% guarantee that the plates will be removed in the sink. Under the leadership of one of the daughters (age is not important, the position of commander-in-chief is important), the whole family together cleans up the dishes and sometimes even washes them. The catch was the absence of a leader!

2. First together with my mother, then ourselves. Do you dream that a pile of crumpled clothes turns into neatly stacked piles in a closet? Me too! But for a child to neatly fold a shirt is as difficult as for an adult, without preparation, to build an elegant swan from a dinner napkin in 2 minutes. My daughters and I drew up and wrote a table: those things that they can do themselves (putting dirty laundry in a basket, putting away their toys, brushing teeth, etc.) and those that we will do together (folding clothes neatly, washing dishes , cook scrambled eggs) After some time, the girls learned to do things from the second list on their own, and they no longer need me for this. The problem was lack of skill, not stubbornness.

3. The winner is awarded. Children, on their own initiative, started such an award list: for every good deed you get a sticker; if you collect 10 or more stickers by Friday, you get a small gift. Very motivating!

4. Transfer responsibility. In fact, no one has ever died from a mess in a room. Yes, it’s unpleasant. By the way, this is unpleasant for both parents and children, it is just that the children need more time to get to this stage. Give the kids time to mature! When the last clean tights / notebooks or a favorite tablet are buried under piles of clothes, garbage, bed linen, the children will put things in order on their own. And parents are required, as Carlson said, "Patience, only patience" - and he was right!

5. Praise and reaffirm the value of all deeds, show how important and pleasant you are to help children. Recognition motivates both children and adults. Remember how sometimes you want your husband to come home from work and say: “Honey, how much you've done! I put things in order at home, cooked dinner, did my homework with the children, bought groceries, washed the linen, and paid the bills - how do you manage all this ?! I admire you!" You want to fly with happiness, right? Children too! Praise them for their help, show how important their care and participation in the household is to you.

Today we, together with Daphne (8 years old), cooked tomato soup for my husband. The whole kitchen was covered in tomatoes, there was dill on the floor, and I was stained with soup because Daphne took the blender out of the pan before turning it off. But we are happy, because in the evening Daphne will show off her tomato soup and will receive well-deserved praise and gratitude. And while I wash in the bathroom, Daphne is actively scrubbing the kitchen, because cleaning is part of the cooking process, as we agreed with her.

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All parents have to meet with the teacher regularly, both at parent-teacher meetings and in person. Here are some tips to help you build the right relationship with educators Do not avoid interacting with educators: find opportunities to talk to the teacher about your child's academic performance and behavior. Ask the teacher to tell you not only about his strengths and weaknesses, but also give examples - this will help to avoid misunderstandings. Specify what is easy for the child, in which areas more effort is required, what perspectives the teacher sees.

New methods

Were you put in a corner as a child? Remember how it was? For example, I was rarely punished, but the couple of times when I stood in the corner and chipped off the plaster from the wall, I remember very well. The main question is - did it have a positive effect on you? On me - no! When I became a mother myself, I promised myself not to put my children in a corner or spank them - never. The eldest daughter is now 9 years old, and I successfully keep this promise. However, I regularly had a question - what to do if I have already erased my tongue, repeating for the hundredth time to the children the request to clean up the bed, collect the scattered toys or wash the dishes after breakfast? I grumbled nonstop. The upbringing methods of my mother and grandmother clearly did not fit, it was necessary to invent new ones of our own.

We have five daughters, they are all different. I love them very much, it is interesting for me to play with them, to watch how they develop, to find out what they think and dream about. However, when I scraped off the plasticine smeared on the carpet, or collected endless candy and gum wrappers, I caught myself feeling like I was managing a herd of irresponsible destroyer mines, who set out to fill the apartment with rubbish to the ceiling. After going through many approaches in search of tools for collectively maintaining order at home, I still found those that fit our family. And besides, I made a discovery - my children are much better than I thought of them! Honestly! They weren't lazy, irresponsible, or unkempt at all - it was all about organization! Here are some rules that worked for us.

1. Appoint a chief. Honestly, I love to command, and so do my children - heredity makes itself felt. If you appoint a chief for cleaning the table, this is a 100% guarantee that the plates will be removed in the sink. Under the leadership of one of the daughters (age is not important, the position of commander-in-chief is important), the whole family together cleans up the dishes and sometimes even washes them. The catch was the absence of a leader!
2. First together with my mother, then ourselves. Do you dream that a pile of crumpled clothes turns into neatly stacked piles in a closet? Me too! But for a child to neatly fold a shirt is as difficult as for an adult, without preparation, to build an elegant swan from a dinner napkin in 2 minutes. My daughters and I drew up and wrote a table: those things that they can do themselves (putting dirty laundry in a basket, putting away their toys, brushing teeth, etc.) and those that we will do together (folding clothes neatly, washing dishes , cook scrambled eggs) After some time, the girls learned to do things from the second list on their own, and they no longer need me for this. The problem was lack of skill, not stubbornness.
3. Winner - reward... Children, on their own initiative, started such an award list: for every good deed you get a sticker; if you collect 10 or more stickers by Friday, you get a small gift. Very motivating!
4. Transfer responsibility. In fact, no one has ever died from a mess in a room. Yes, it’s unpleasant. By the way, this is unpleasant for both parents and children, it is just that the children need more time to get to this stage. Give the kids time to mature! When the last clean tights / notebooks or a favorite tablet are buried under piles of clothes, garbage, bed linen, the children will completely put things in order on their own. And parents are required, as Carlson said, "Patience, only patience" - and he was right!
5. Praise and confirm the importance of all matters, show how important and pleasant the help of children is to you. Recognition motivates both children and adults. Remember how sometimes you want your husband to come home from work and say: “Honey, how much you've done! I put things in order at home, cooked dinner, did my homework with the children, bought groceries, washed the laundry, and paid the bills - how do you manage all this ?! I admire you!" You want to fly with happiness, right? Children too! Praise them for their help, show how important their care and participation in the household is to you.

Today we, together with Daphne (8 years old), cooked tomato soup for my husband. The whole kitchen was covered in tomatoes, there was dill on the floor, and I was stained with soup, because Daphne took the blender out of the pan before turning it off. But we are happy, because in the evening Daphne will show off her tomato soup and will receive well-deserved praise and gratitude. And while I wash in the bathroom, Daphne is actively scrubbing the kitchen, because cleaning is part of the cooking process, as we agreed with her.

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All parents have to meet with the teacher regularly, both at parent-teacher meetings and in person. Here are some tips to help you build the right relationship with educators Do not avoid interacting with educators: find opportunities to talk to the teacher about your child's academic performance and behavior. Ask the teacher to tell you not only about his strengths and weaknesses, but also give examples - this will help to avoid misunderstandings. Specify what is easy for the child, in which areas more effort is required, what perspectives the teacher sees.

Up to what age should a baby breastfeed?

The growing trend towards natural parenting preaches breastfeeding for as long as the baby needs it. But isn't this necessity dictated by some psychological needs of the mother or manifestations of the child's initial skills to "manage the mother"? We tried to figure this out together with a child psychologist, candidate of psychological sciences Natalya Kompanets, http://mir-detej.kiev.ua. Why feed longer? In modern conditions, mothers of children older than one and a half years are perceived as long-lactating.

Spring always pleases us with the first warm sun, but winter frosts and cold rains with snow also make themselves felt, so every parent should know how to dress a child in spring so that he does not catch a cold and get the most out of the walk. We bring to your attention 8 recommendations on how to dress a child in the spring: Do not wrap up the child too much when going for a spring walk, because it is not winter anymore, a child dressed in two sweaters will quickly sweat and catch a cold.

Today's ADVICE of the DAY from the ex-wife of the owner of Kaspersky Lab, mother of 4 children and one of the most influential women in Russia Natalya Kaspersky: “I quite often come across the fact that modern women think that they will take up a career first, and someday later give birth to children. I believe that first a woman should give birth to children, and then do anything in her life, because this is really some kind of achievement that needs to be done ... And the true value lies precisely in children and in the family.

5 reasons to enroll your child in football

If your son loves to kick the ball down the hallway, take him to the appropriate section: the child may not become a new Pele, but the lessons will definitely benefit him. Football develops agility, coordination, stamina and communication skills. Trainings for beginner players last 1.5-2 hours and take place at least 3 times a week. First, the guys are engaged in general physical training - they run, jump and stretch, and then they begin to work out strikes on a stationary ball and master paired transfers.

Principle one
"You can be different"

This principle expresses the need and right of children to be special and loved, to be a person. If we do not understand and recognize that children are different, they will never be able to get what exactly they need, namely responsiveness and a tendency to cooperate with adults.

Principle two
"You can be wrong"

In order for children to grow up confident in themselves and maintain a healthy and natural need to please their parents, they need to understand that they have the right to make mistakes. And if mistakes are not forgiven, children stop making efforts, or give up in the process of trying, faced with small failures. The child should know that for every mistake and failure in his life, he can count on the support of adults in the form of sympathy and the parent's willingness to take responsibility for the child's mistake. Even if at first glance it seems that the parents have nothing to do with it, and everything is done by the hands of the child. But the feeling that the child is not alone responsible for his mistakes and that there is someone who is ready to take responsibility for what he did, relieves a person from the fear of doing something new in his life. In this way, the child learns to take responsibility, take risks and endure failure.

Principle three
"You can experience negative emotions"

This principle allows children to develop boldly, being aware of their inner experiences. This factor - the factor of experiencing negative emotions is important for children in order not to lose the craving for the patronage of parents, their guidance and recognition.

Principle four
"You May Want More"

This principle opens up the opportunity for a child to develop into a bright personality and realize their own desires. Children who know what they want are much easier to motivate by giving them more opportunities to achieve their desires. Children, who in childhood had such an opportunity - to follow the principle of "wanting is not harmful", becoming adults, learn to patiently wait for the fulfillment of their desires, even if they cannot get what they want right away.
Only complete, absolute freedom to desire allows a person from a large list of possibilities to find the very desire, the very taste of happiness that corresponds to his nature, his experience and purpose.
Unfortunately, all too often children hear reproaches that they are bad, spoiled, selfish, if they ask for more, they will not get what they want. And this applies to our own experience, our childhood.
Until now, suppressing desires has been the most important educational skill, since parents did not know how to deal with the negative emotions that naturally arise in every person if his desire is not satisfied. The Vedic scriptures are quite clear about this. The Bhagavad Gita says that if a person does not satisfy his desires that have arisen in his mind, in his heart, or brought from past lives, then he experiences anger, and, as a result, disappointment and resentment. The lack of harmony in the desires of a person with the desires of the people around him, the laws of nature, the laws of his own body, the nature of his own mind, one way or another leads to the emergence of negative emotions. And one of the serious skills, until a person has reached a sufficiently high level of self-awareness, is how to correctly show negative emotions so that they do not worsen and burden the life of the people around him and the person himself, and do not contribute to his degradation.

Principle five
"You can say no"

The peculiarity of this principle is that it reminds us that freedom is the basis for positive parenting, positive parenting. And this principle of freedom applies to each of the four principles described above - "you can be different", "you can be wrong", "you can experience negative emotions", "you can want more." And it is very important to understand the difference between permissiveness and freedom that is given to a child. Do not associate this principle with permissiveness. The essence of this principle is that it allows you to exercise even greater control over children without intimidating and shaming the child. The fact is that the ability to resist authority lies at the heart of a healthy awareness of your “I”, your personality. In his right to revolt, a person understands that he may not follow a superior authority, be it parents or the government, but at the same time he understands and accepts responsibility for all the consequences of his disobedience.

Ruslan Narushevich, psychologist, specialist in Ayurveda

In ordinary Russian families, it is customary to open a diary and see: 3, 4, 5, 2 points, pay attention only to 2. And in the coaching approach, it is important to first pay attention to the fives. To see the good in a child and cultivate these good qualities. For example, instead of "You can't walk on the lawns!" you can say "You can walk along the paths." Instead of forbidding your child to paint on the walls, you can allow him to paint on flipcharts or chalkboards. That is, to create a safe space for manifestation through permission. This does not mean that the child should not know the words “no” and “no”. However, in those areas where we need creativity, development, initiative and independence of the child, we create a positive dialogue and show how we can.

- Are the principles of upbringing boys and girls the same?

- Boys live their experience through overcoming difficulties, through the challenges that they cope with. However, they can make a lot of mistakes. And here it is important to support the child so that after making a mistake he has the courage and determination to repeat this experience again. And go through it as a winner. Parents who use a coaching approach give their child positive feedback. Instead of what we are used to: "Why did this happen to you?" "Who is guilty?" "Ah ah ah!" we ask 3 coaching questions: "What happened?" - the child tells the fact. "What has this situation taught you?" - what lessons from life the child will take. "What will you do differently next time?" - this question allows you to form a positive picture. And then the child will continue to act.
Sometimes we are faced with a situation where a child says: "I don't want to do this anymore." The child had a bad experience, something didn't work out, he was pointed out. A positive dialogue allows you to correct the situation and return the child's desire to act and become a champion.

When raising girls, the coaching approach is based on slightly different principles. It is important to form in the girl the ability to keep a positive image in her heart, so that the girl can see all the best in herself and in others. For example, if something doesn't work out for her, we tell her that we love her anyway, she's talented anyway.

- What do the principles of positive parenting include?

- These are 5 rules that are important to use when communicating with your child.

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1. The child may be different or different from others.
2. The child can make mistakes.
3. The child may express negative emotions.
4. The child may want more.
5. The child may say “no,” but the parents have the final say.

- What result can parents expect in the end?

- Of course, it all depends on the individual abilities and talents of the child. But be that as it may, observing the principles and rules of positive parenting, you will teach your child to make decisions on his own, take responsibility for his life, allow himself to make mistakes and try, draw conclusions from mistakes and continue to move on. You will be able to build trusting relationships with your children and transform from a strict overseer to a wise and patient teacher.