Second child: how to organize life after childbirth. How to cope with the jealousy of the older child to the younger
You will have to be alert. It consotes only that anger is often replaced by moments of tenderness, heartiness: the eldest strokes the baby, quietly sings some melody, she speaks gently with him or concentrates him. At such moments it becomes clear that there is some special connection between the children.
Indeed, the child feels attraction to the baby. He takes care of him: brings a nipple, comforts. Gradually arise in gentle bonds of love.
If the eldest children are allowed to care for the baby, they try to show all their skills, demonstrating that they can take care of a little no worse mom.
When the baby becomes moving, his brothers and sisters often begins to manifest aggressiveness. For example, they are very unhappy when the "slider" prevents them from playing them. But good in their relationship is still more. And it's great!
If the difference in age is less than three years, the relationship between children is particularly intense both in good and in bad. They share joys and chagrins, scarcely quarrel and laugh. Older children hard care about the newborn. True, only when they themselves want. If he cries, they are trying to console him. You should support them in the desire to help, but not to demand too much from them.
Youngest take a lot from the elders.
So, already three-month babies learn from their brothers and sisters. The latter likes to be an object of enthusiastic attention as a result of such interaction of the last year, is formed self. Senior children willingly show little new games. Together they master new roles, learn to solve conflicts correctly.
With all the variety of characters, the relative relationship between brothers and sisters is among the most close and durable.
TAKE INTO ACCOUNT
1. The eldest child can show jealousy to the baby: he may require him to be worn in her arms, gave him a nipple, starts a stack of pants. Do not be angry, patiently explain to him why not do this.
2. Try to make the elder child feel your partner who helps to care for the baby.
Then in his face you will acquire an indispensable assistant, who himself will be happy and tenderness to engage in the younger brother or sister.
3. Let's hold the kid to the eldest on his arms, but be careful. Never leave children together unattended.
4. Tell your older child as he was small, as he looked and how he behaved, and how you cared about him.
5. Do not leave the older child immediately as soon as hear the crying of the younger; Take it with you.
6. Do not express your displeasure to the eldest child and do not reproach it if he draws the younger too cautious. Better explain to him that you need to treat the baby carefully.
7. On the birthday of crumbs buy a gift and a senior. It is very important: love between older and younger can only exist if none of them will think that parents prefer the other.
8. Think what "privileges" of the older you can offer your child. They can be pocket money or the purchase of a pet, which he will be able to take care of.
For the first child, the difference with the younger in the years means the following:
Less than three years - he has to share her mother with a baby early, but he develops a strong emotional attachment to the younger;
From three to seven years - the long attention of the parents belongs to him is undivided, so it is dominated by the Jr.
For more than eight years, despite the existence of a brother or sister, he rare as the only child in the family.
It would be nice to free the first week from all cases. It must be the time of calm mood of everyone and everyone on an increased family. How will you acquaint the newborn and his older brother or sister? Who will take care of the older child until you recover after delivery. About the first days and hours with a little worth thinking in advance.
So, the "safety technique" must be observed: that we touch that we do not touch, - and it is necessary to discuss more than once. Do not touch the head, do not touch the head - the baby is still very small, he needs to grow up. Until the fortieth day, to Christen, we will not give new on the handle, but you can touch his handles and legs, you can kiss the population, sniff the child.
You need to say not only about what you can not do, but also about what you can do. Accordingly, the weather (children with a minimum difference in age) are in the risk group - they are still very careless in relation to the younger and at the same time they want to contact.
Ideally, each of the weather weather was "their" adult. And as soon as mom comes a little after childbirth, the weather is well changed: one holds mom, another dad, and the next period dating on the contrary.
It is also very important not to give the older to "play" to the baby, although a child, especially in girls, can manifest a lot of activity in this direction. "No" should be unequivocal - the kid can not be enough and squeezed. If the child remembers that "Mom is also a person," he will easier to understand that the child is also not a toy.
Why parents and senior children contact leather-k-skin with newborns
According to the latest research of American psychologists, it is believed that a person is experiencing special feelings for a newborn child if he is with him in contact leather-to-skin without separation of clothing. This does not mean to undress both. You just need to give them to print: put the toddler head on the open forearm of the firstborn, put the hand of the older child on the back of the baby, take both and plant yourself or dad on the hands.
It is very important that the elder child can safely touch the newborn, you can allow them to lie next. At the same time, you again stipulate with the senior contact rules: what loves little, which does not like, how can you touch, as it is impossible.
Not only to the eldest child, regardless of age, but also dad, and grandmothers, and grandfathers need to be able to be able to cross the baby in this way. Contact leather-to-skin, which is fully possible for parents, causes greater affection, which is maintained later for a long time.
Often, the Father has some kind of prejudice that he is not sterile enough for a newborn that it will somehow not so smell like (especially in smoking fathers), and dad does not want to take a kid on his hands. On this occasion, there was a lot of foreign studies: some fathers kept a child in a blanket or in a diaper, and the other part had the ability to make contact leather-to-skin.
Investigated the inclusion of dads to education in the first week after birth, during the first year, from a year to three, from three to seven and in adulthood - it was a long expressive experiment. And it turned out that the fathers who had contact leather-to-skin, turned out to be much more included in the education at all stages of development, and in these families had less divorces.
After this large-scale study in the postpartum chambers was not only permitted, but also recommended the father to join close contact in the first day after the birth of the baby, i.e. Keep it on the hands of the skin-to-skin.
And the first day, and the first three days after birth are a good time for contact leather-to-skin and the occurrence of imprinting. Imprinting (from the verb to Print - imprinted, imprinted) - it is a misfortune with a child with a child. It is believed that if the skin-to-skin contact is enough, then an adult has the opportunity to feel the desires of the child, to know what he needs, and not only at Mom, who has this contact usually enough, and the dad too.
Acquaintance of the firstborn and newborn: home holiday
It is very good to make acquaintance somehow, to furnish the moment when your eldest and your junior will get to know each other.
It is important that the elder had the opportunity to remember the birth of the younger not as an injury, not as pain, not as a feeling of abandonment and forgetness, but as something bright, like a festive picture. And for this there are very simple ideas that will allow it to do without much effort and costs.
The apartment can be arranged beautifully, but simply and not laborious. Ideal is a lot of inflated balls. Candles are very beautiful, which is lit in five minutes before the celebration and create a feeling of unusual space.
You can cover a beautiful table and put what your child has the joy and feeling of "Wow!" (bunch of grapes, oranges, marshmallows, favorite cookies ...).
If there is no allergy, it is very cool on a day of dating to give your own bag of sweets to the eldest child. If at the usual time, the child of sweets almost does not get, the bag of sweets on a festive day will be something memorable. But, of course, if a small person has been condensed with sweets, it is unlikely to work. And do not forget about the main gift for the older!
Mom and newborn after childbirth: how much should it rest
So, for the senior, the newborn is a small alien. If our basic attitude is to give yourself time with a newborn, get joy, get pleasure, allow yourself to be saturated with the first period of proximity with a new baby, - you need to start to acquaint children, negotiating that mom and baby after birth have not yet rested.
This means that when you return home, the eldest will not run to you with a newborn in the room when he wants to visit you to visit you. At the same time, they make any things for you in the first days after childbirth, they can prepare a rich tea, the firstborn can be involved in warming up or cooking, you can bring flowers or nature gifts from a walk, you can draw for mom and newborn drawings.
We need a smooth way out of the generic situation. The first two to three days is better so that you remain in bed or have a semi-sending regime with the baby, and then the elder will have the opportunity to understand how everything has changed. Well, if he picked up at that time, if Dad can walk it, feed. Well, if at this time there is no brush in the house, there are no clubs in the people who you are not so relative and do not do everything as you would like.
If a woman can give a lot of opportunity to contact a newborn, as much as she wants, i.e. Get the "Honored postpartum vacation" from the senior (provided that there will be a dad), then it will be easier for her to learn how to divide attention.
The first days after childbirth is not the time when you have two-channel attention when you can "hold" two at the same time. Your goal is to become a second child and introduce children, i.e. Find a "format" of partial alignment. But the first days after childbirth a woman is not very helpful to remain one with two children (unless special circumstances arise).
After childbirth: who cares for the elder child
It must be said that the smaller the daily familiar life of the older child will change, the better: less will beadaption, regression, jealousy. At this time, it is worth very trying to observe the day of the day so that there are no strong differences on the clock from the usual, because it destabilizes. And so that the regime is complied with at a time when we are mostly busy newborns, there must be someone who can put the baby to sleep, feed, collect for a walk or on occupation.
To make and respected the tradition that someone is watching for the eldest, besides mom, it should appear before delivery. It is especially important to lay sleep and morning fees if the child goes somewhere. If you are the main link in the morning and evening chains, wait for difficulties in the postpartum.
Physically after the second birth was easier, the process of restoring the body was sometimes even pleasant. Life after childbirth. What is changing in the life of parents with the birth of a kid? After the birth of a child, I realized that these are such trifles, and the possibilities of a person truly ...
Discussion
The worst is the endless groundhog day. If before the birth of the child was active, easy to "eat and for any kypish, except for the hunger strike, then decree is degradation. My route during maternity leave is a playground, a clinic, shop. And zero communication. One sweat-morning From 6 to 9 hours. It was my time. I'm sitting with a circle of coffee, a book (magazine, newspaper, tablet) and all this is jaiting the cakes. Paradise. The child came to me wonderful, did not know what it was not to sleep at night. But day, day, Endless day. Husband comes from work, he is tired of communication, and I am from his absence. I was tired of not so much physically, how much morally. After two years, I fled to work with sparkling heels.
05.11.2018 18:56:09, Groundhog DayWrite, Alexandra:
1.
Against collaboration.
Personally, I would have extended from such a thing and after that the Babu would not get to the woman.
Pets. And for and against. Colleague on the work gave birth at home, and on the street on duty the ambulance. I am for this option.
Package. I am impossible to tolerate this pain, it is easier to die. But the doctors decided otherwise and saved on me.
2. Condition as after the fight. Forces no even get up. The placenta departed itself, the bleeding was moderate. Belly spun, but tolerant.
3. The colostrum came immediately, it was his three drops, reckoned with a mixture. At the expense of the dominant was not batted even. We lost weight in the weight, it was not to dominant. Milk came on 5 days. The chest did not cook, just asked the staff to attach a child to the breast so that I knew how to do it.
4. Lying at home. I got up sideways so that the seam was not separated after the episode. I went a lot. Sitting could not have 2 weeks. Bothered constipation, so after the seam you can not sleep. Hepared heparin ointment. Sooch was screamed. The discharge of Merzko smelled. Stretch marks were not. Intimate life is prohibited the first two months.
5. This is not a hormonal splash. Someone from the doctors came up with such nonsense. This is wild fatigue after childbirth multiplied by chronic inheritance of the first months. Ask any trucker as he feels after a two-week trip without a full rest.
The state of chronic fatigue after delivery, which and so much exhaust, and there is a PD.
There were no fears, everything went to the background. The dream became the most expensive currency.
6. Shals me the family as well, and everything that was required to take time and effort. Over time, resolved.
After later delivery, the bouquet of sores, diabetes mellitus, etc. The child was worried. In writing, Santa Claus and many these are the first children. In the previous class, the Son was also older, and in high school children, in principle, begin to argue parents, any, it is normal ...
Discussion
I don't have a terrible horror. Although everything began badly. Third child, unplanned pregnancy, 42 years old. There were probability of down-syndrome 1 to 5. The blood tests were not yet done, only invasive. I did not dare. I understood that I would not forgive myself if there was a miscarriage because of the test, and the child would be healthy. All pregnancy worriedly worried. My first question was when the child was born - there is no down-syndrome. His, thank God, did not turn out. Although we have health problems.
07/06/2018 08:24:57, yumaI have a feeling that you and your husband completely spend time.
Maybe this is the reason-otelia fill the emptiness?
And what about your parents? They do not need your attention? And help?
The child stopped calling mom. Education. Adoption. Discussion of adoption issues, forms of children's children in families, education of adoptive children, interaction with care, training at the school of adopted second child: how to organize life after delivery.
Discussion
Someone told me, in the dining room announcement
"Who asks" Coffee ", pays 2 dollars
"Coffee, please, 1.5 dollars
Be kind coffee - 70 cents.
the idea is understandable. 4 Summer kid is still too dependent to set its rules
but - pay attention, if it is stubborn in childish, it is a bad marker, psychiatric.
and did not try to pour for "fool"? How can this be tolerated ?? How will a child respect you if you yourself tolerate?
Second child: how to organize life after childbirth. How will you acquaint the newborn and his older brother or sister? Who will take care of the older child until you are ideal for each of the children-Women to "his" adult.
Discussion
and the point to acquaint?
after 2 years, the daughter is already departing from the nest.
and everything is less nervous will be.
To acquaint at neutral territory. Let the child find out, looking for approaches, if he wants. Or is not looking for approaches, but organizes a comfortable style of communication. I for the fact that two people themselves built their relationship. Under the supervision and advice of Mom, of course.
Some time after giving birth, my gynecologists, who led the first pregnancy, asked me to write me a complaint in the Ministry of Health of the Moscow Region on Belousov Tamaru I had the same childbirth as you describe, though the child spent 10 days in the hospital.
Discussion
And about the planned caesarean did not think? There is still Sur. Maternity to the extreme case (for me, by the way, this is the only acceptable way).
I also had everything bad, I myself was in childbirth in the 8th hospital on Samarkand Bul., Doctor Zakharenkova N.L. sleeping. Came the revincration in the morning, found me all in attempts and micron, urgent COP. They brought to the operating, two nurses, doctors no ...))) Spring, renovation, traffic jams ...))) Zakharenkov itself came to operate with such a kind, as if the favor is doing. It was terrible to realize that here I will lose your baby. He tried, but never did not work. This is a complete discovery. Initially, the baby did not stand up so, initially missed me. I sobbed a year, emotionally difficult! I was deprived of EP, negligence, no one needs anyone. On the battles came, without a contract. The husband said, give birth, then thank you. Long work with you, a lot of work, psychologist.
I advise you not to hurry! Yes, I want, but wait. Let this emotional pain pass, she has not come down yet. Postpartum dipress will still cover! Let in 5-7 years, but enter the second pregnancy easily and without looking back on the first unsuccessful! Give yourself the opportunity for happiness of the lungs of natural childbirth.
About care for parents. Fathers and Sons. Family relationships. And at 70 years old to hurt a sick elderly person - this is the PPC sorry ... We have a mother-in-law with her grandmother 95 years old lives, older sister after childbirth: who cares for the elder child.
Discussion
According to a good one would have one sister to take mom to myself. The guests could pay for the services of the nurse.
I know such a case - an intelligent old man in St. Petersburg, his daughter in Moscow. It was hired by a nurse. So, the nurse was doing everything that I wanted to cope with her. And it was embarrassing to not strain: (((
Something is somehow illogical. Everyone lives in different cities, my mother is not in themselves, paying the nurses .... I personally think that in this case it would be easier to mom in the boarding house a good paid to give in the city where one of the sisters lives (for example, which is less provided) Mom induce more often than once a year. IMHO
Large family: the upbringing of children, the relationship between brothers and sisters, social know that if one child does not give. And what about the case, if the children are three and fell ill is not now making leave for a child can take any of the relatives, actually caring for ...
Discussion
Must give logic. My friend gave birth to twins and they with her husband both care vacation took to 1.6 for one he is after another.
Oh, I had a situation - "Wiles".)) Twins still there was no one, and one was put in the hospital. Our dad at the second hospital was not given - they said: go to the hospital you, then there will be sick leave. (((
And I still have both on the GW ... (((
So not sure about the hospital ...
Children with features of development, disability, care, rehabilitation, doctor, hospital question here is what ... I do not know how I combine the development of a senior and baby? How to recover faster after Cesarean? For a son, the future academic year is very important, because This missed ...
Discussion
I have a difference between children for six years and no grandfathers helped me. I took younger with you. While the eldest was engaged, walked around. She had classes every day.
Yes, you have a wonderful female grandparents !!!)))
I, just the youngest much always dragged on the classroom, also on the car, if not in step accessibility. I do not advise it, it is better to always have food for babes, almost everywhere you can find a secluded place to please.
In children, 5 years old, the difference, preparing an elder acquaintance with real babies, so that his expectations from his brother were adequate. The role of senior and younger children in each other's life. When the family has a senior and younger child. "Place under the sun" of a senior child.
Discussion
Thanks to all answered!
Let's hope that everything goes smoothly.
Yes, no difficulties do not even think about anything, everything is already invented by generations of big families :), where the elders care about the younger, while parents in the field :) Just trust her to help you, which is not a pity :), from changing diapers and feeding Before swimming and even walks under your sensitive manual! Then the little sister or brother :) it will not be a competitor for her, and expensive and native little man who literally grew up in her hands :) When I discovered from the maternity hospital, give it a bundle, and not dad :))) - it will launch the necessary natural mechanism in her The brain :))), although then the question will arise "How to prepare a dad to this situation? What books to read so that he does not feel jealousy?" :)))
Gave birth to the first child in 37 years. Pregnancy proceeded perfectly. Natural childbirth, but cut a little, because the child is large. Up to 34 weeks were observed in Europe, no one gone about my age - there is no one to surprise anyone with the first kinds closer to 40 and ...
Discussion
I am pregnant with a third child, I'm 37, the toxicosis is terrible, I am lying in the laying, good on vacation, although I managed to go to the sea, I hope my husband and children do not know what to feed me, there is no appetite at all ((
08/06/2018 13:31:57, GuliaBorn the child in 40 years. Health problems were a lot to pregnancy. I have a disability due to spinal scoliosis and weight before pregnancy was 38 kg. And pregnancy moved well. There was not even toxicosis. During pregnancy recovered that I had benefited. In 40 weeks made a cesarean section. Son was born with normal weight - 3400 gr. On the scale of apgar - 8 points. After birth, almost does not ill, it grows well and develops normally. Now Max 2 years, height is 98 cm, weight is 16 kg. Cute and healthy kid. It all depends on the configuration. I really wanted a baby and did not doubt that everything would be fine.
05.11.2017 20:25:13, Olga BushhaA child from birth to one year. Care and child education up to year: nutrition, diseases, development. The older and so there will be stress and jealousy after the birth of the younger. We decided 2 months before childbirth solemnly cross the other room.
Discussion
we have a double room. Senior in her room, younger with us. Together they slept only a couple of times, when our dad sick and we were evicted to the nursery, and they were sleeping in the same room. As a result, everyone slept, besides me, because I was all night on Street to prevent the little ones and carry it into the kitchen without waking up the older. Now, in the country, we all sleep in the same room, but both daughters are sleeping all night, so no longer a problem. But in fact, we plan to immediately take a mortgage and change to the treshka as soon as I go to work so that every maiden has around the room.
Elloled average anniversary to the older 5-ke a few months before the birth of shallow. Paul a year were silent, the children did not give to sleep dad, walked each other in the morning, and sometimes a small night had to pull out into the kitchen when we were crying. In the second room, I am with a shallow, which still may be among the night and pour and wake up a wisp early and fuck, although we sleep together, it never saves a breast, I really could have been "shut up" at one time. Until the year, all my children wake up from any noise, although I have never taught them to silence. On the street sometimes the dog licks - the child will wake up. Even in the sling, the younger immediately wakes up from the cry of medium.
As a result, the middle sacred with a dad to the bedroom, the elder had his own room, and I am with a shallow in the lobby on the sofa when I hide in the kitchen. It seems like the apartment is big, and to sleep all each other interfere with who in the evening, who in the morning.
Do not guess in advance. But you do not be afraid, I read the whole topic - apparently I'm so alone here, with unquesting children :-)
Reception child older blood. Experience adoption / guardianship / patronage. Adoption. My eldest son in the family is almost two years old. The difference with the younger is also almost two years (without one month). Here you will be certainly harder, still care for two small ...
Discussion
I have a boy at home. It is for a year or 1.5 older than two children. The girl treat him very well, but the son is jealous, especially in the first days 10 is sharp. They are 3.5 and 4.5 years. For the development of the reception, in many situations lags behind, so the blood has yet occupied the position of the elder brother - the jealous moral knife.
My eldest son in the family is almost two years old. The difference with the younger is also almost two years (without one month). Honestly. No doubt about this ever suffered. The fact that psychologists are not recommended to take the river of older blood, found out when he was in the family. The youngest was 6, receiving 8. Never there were problems or conflicts that did not occur in the native blood. There was never clear manifestations of jealousy or rivalry. Very friendly and sooo friend love each other. Senior Always from school will bring younger something delicious (at least Poleblok, at least one caramel, but always remembers his brother). If you say the younger, as I love him, I will definitely say: "And Dima?" Not with jealousy, but with intonation, like: "You have forgotten about him? So I remind you." Everyone is different. Depends on children, from us, from many factors. Do not know, maybe problems will appear later, but so far TTT.
About a year (for 2 months before the birth of brother and months 10 after) the daughter behaved terrible, and exceptionally try together with the eldest to care for the younger - let me have the same children, they don't go to the kindergarten, playing together from the moment the daughter was 4 months (worn her ...
Discussion
It seems to me that it is rather a reaction to the youngest child than the lack of my mother's attention. I would not hurry to pick up the older garden at all. M.B., can I start to reduce the time of his stay in the kindergarten? You have already advised more time and pay to the eldest. I just want to say that at first it may not give visible results, but you do not despair, M.B., time will need. I also have a daughter 4.5 years old, son 1.5 years. Daughter in kindergarten from 1.5 years - she really liked it there. Approximately the year (for 2 months before the birth of brother and months 10 after) the daughter behaved terrible, and exclusively at home, and not in kindergarten (from the garden only excellent feedback). There were wild hysteries, there were practically no threats, no persuasion, became exclusively selective in food, began to ask for it to be wrapped up for the night, like a baby, too, at home could not really do, painted kalyaki, etc., though , I did not write and my hands did not succe. There was no aggression to younger, but I could suddenly shower him behind the leg or something like that, I walked it on purposefully cry or noise, etc. I worked, but I spent all my free time with my daughter, after the birth of the younger even more than before, but there was no improvement for a long time (the daughter demanded just all of our attention and the younger did not recognize as the "class"). Then gradually, somewhere when the younger was about a year, the behavior of the older was straightened and the relationship with the younger improved. Now they are friends just not to pour water. M.B., your child needs more time to adapt. Cut the stay in the kindergarten, if you can + individually, the older time + I would have stimulated joint classes with younger, such as one hand, another for another and do something together (cubes, glue something, draw, etc. ). Maybe together they will be more interesting? Ours love to play a doctor: the eldest doctor, and the junctions are invariably hurt, both are very satisfied. It was one of the first games, after which the "ice was drowned." We have helped joint games very much.
Another question is that there is a strong rule - then simply to another time will be given a passport, the "Certificate age" will come, it will be possible to marry, etc. ... Birthday (official) will fall on the "country season / vacation period" or " New Year's Eve, "...)) But as a man was born" under the conversion of the Virgin, in the trigon with Jupiter "- it will live)) (if you believe it)
I think so the most important thing you have already done - formed a connection between you and the child, it is very, very important. And the fact that you are feeling is normal and naturally, because you are just that feeling. Moreover, it's good! I generally believe that my mother must have its own personal, professional and social life, then she will be interested in a child as Man and 5, and 10 years later. I am two examples before our eyes - my mother, and my husband's mother. The latter is interesting to live, it is easy to communicate with it precisely because she has its own separate life, although she, of course, grandson also loves her grandson. In order for the family to be warm, it is not necessary to be constantly next to the child (I am not talking about the children of the first year of life), it is enough to be next to him when he is bad and you need to listen, help, advise. Well, you yourself understand. Children are all beautifully felt, so I don't like - do not do, the main thing is not knowledge, but love and heat between you, but it will be only if you are good! Something you can delegate my husband, grandmothers, familiar, and then try to relax and get rid of Feeling guilt. It is likely that in a month you turn on again in your classes only it will bring you pleasure and joy. In short, you are not obliged to anyone. The main thing is that you can give a child, is love, without fear and without any conditions.
If not a secret, and what is your business?
Second child: how to organize life after childbirth. About the benefits of crawling. Moreover, all children have a congenital reflex to crawl, and this is completely natural for them. The most important thing is that the baby begins to think, first, wherever he is crawling, and, secondly ...
"My brother (sister) miraculously remained alive (survived)," they say many about their brothers and sisters born with a small difference in age. Unfortunately, many cases of extreme cruelty of older children in relation to their younger brothers and sisters are known. For example, such a case: the elder girl regularly slept his younger brother with cold water, and he constantly sick; It continued, until she was found at the crime scene. At the same time, the parents wondered: "How could this happen?" ... My buddy recalled how he brought home a huge stick at a three-year age in order to strike his brother, and only the twist of the crib and the proximity of the mother saved the latter from injury.
Of course, this is extremes, but they are real.
This relationship is based on a clear motivation: jealousy . Jealousy will feed the older child, gnawing his psyche. In this sense, he does not differ from the adult, only the object of his jealousy, possessing - parents. You can quite understand his feelings if they were jealous at least once in life. World artistic literature is replete with descriptions of this specific state, in novels you can even find the most diverse "recipes": how to regret jealousy or, on the contrary, how not to give a reason for it. You have the most serious work before you truly prepare to solve the problem with the eldest child on the eve of birth and during the first years of the youngest life.
There are several questions. Do all children are susceptible to the feeling of jealousy to younger brothers and sisters? What is the most dangerous child? And finally - what to do? Let's try to answer them in order.
Jealousy may arise from any child, even with a well-prepared brother or sister. It is sometimes enough for one careless word so that the fire fans in full force. Is it possible to prevent it? I think you can.
Of course, there is a relationship between the force of the arising jealousy and the age of the older child. It is clear that it is meaningless to prepare the fifteen-sixteen-year-old firstborn to the birth of the second child as carefully as with a difference of five to six years, and this situation is much more common than a small difference in age. There is a particular difference in the year and a half. After all, your senior child does not make any of your arguments, no matter how much you call him for reasonableness, etc. But at this age, a psychological problem, even if it occurs, is not so great, as the one that may appear at a old-hour child when he has five to five years old enough tasted all the charms of the situation of the universal favorite.
It is known that the prevention of the disease causes significantly less costs than its treatment. . With all the minuses in the situation "Senior - Jr." there is one important plus: the presence of a clear "diagnosis" allows you to prevent possible difficulties and overcome them. Thus, our problem is from the discharge of predicted and solved.
"You joined me in my stomach just like your sister"
After you learn that the family is coming replenishment, you have a completely decent time to prepare a firstborn or a second child to the appearance of the youngest. During this period, it is necessary to gradually enter into a child's life of certain restrictions: Mom, for example, a spin hurts, and therefore she cannot raise it in hand, etc. At the same time, in no case cannot be given to the child to understand that any restrictions in his life appear due to the coming appearance of the baby in the family.
The child should want the appearance of a brother or sister, and he must be convinced that he wants it.
It is impossible to ask the older child if he wants a brother or sister, - in no case! It is worth the answer to him negatively - and to convince him of the opposite, you will spend ten times more efforts than it would be necessary to utter this fatal "no".
What to say to the child and how? Children feel good false. They are much better perceived a slightly indifferent voice than inspistently enthusiastic outpouring. Try "unscheduled" to give your child a big gift - he will definitely be interested in the cause of this generosity. It should not be specifically to take time for some educational conversations, it is not necessary to discuss your own behavior or hypothetical behavior of the elder, you should not tell him about the debt and. For example, it is better to avoid phrases like: " You must love your brother" or " We will still love you" Such conversations may alert the child and lead to undesirable questions. It is necessary to supply the baby with carefully thought-out information constantly, but in very small volumes, as if casual. In no case can not be overdoor. And it is necessary to do this that thinner than he is older.
Some examples of text.
« Lucky you will soon have your real brother" (The topic of positiveness, the desire of its appearance and the differences between the "real", native brother or sister from cousins \u200b\u200band sisters, friends, etc.) is developing.
« And I had no younger brother in childhood" (Here you can talk about the negative manifestations of this unpleasant moment in your life: there was no one to defend, with anyone to play, etc.) " Lucky, you will soon have a little sister, and I told my parents as a child: "I sister my sister himself, since you do not want»…».
It is not bad to compare the older baby with the younger. The comparison, of course, should be either neutral or in favor of the older (as long as the younger is not too smart):
« When you were in my stomach, you wanted to drink apple juice all the time - my favorite, and your brother, I feel like carrot!»
« Let's measure my belly, let's see who is more - your brother now or you, when it was sitting ...»
« You joined me in my stomach just like your sister ...»
It is necessary to give an older opportunity to feel that it has exceptional rights - for example, to tell him the name of the future baby, so that he proudly said: "I called it that," or with him to go to the store for the toys for a small one, to subsequently The elder was proud that he himself chose toys for a brother or sister.
Independence of the older child - the key to the successful solution to the problem (Although not the decision itself). If the child is not independent, it is necessary as soon as possible, sometimes even forced measures, achieve the necessary results. The degree of independence, naturally, depends on the age of the child. The concept of independence includes the ability to eat independently, fall asleep, play, walk on the pot (toilet), wipe the ass and much more.
It is necessary to buy new toys in advance for the older to then, after the birth of a baby, synchronously give gifts to both children (not bad, explaining the situation, give them and guests - for a gift to the eldest on their behalf). Well, if you have the opportunity to allocate more space for the older child in the apartment (and better - a separate room), it is also reasonable to teach it in advance to a separate crib.
In general, you can, then do. What you can not - do not force after the appearance of the younger in the house!
LET'S GET ACQUAINTED…
It is very important for children first acquaintance. It would be nice to save the elder from the enthusiastic cries of relatives when the birth of a baby at home, and "presenting" a newborn older child, you can tell him that he was, to be honest, prettier, and describe what, in conclusion, to say that nothing, the little will still become Looks like a brother (sister). The first days after the return of Mom with a baby from the hospital will largely determine the attitude of the older baby to the younger. That is why do not give the older child to grandparents at this time, no matter how they persuaded you: he now especially needs the attention of his parents. If the grandmother wants and is ready to help, better invite her to his home, and if you have problems in communication (and if the funds allow) - find the assistant with which you definitely do not have to argue about how what and when to do.
After the appearance of the newborn, first will have to be treated with tremendous patience. Especially carefully needed to follow your own words, and it applies not only to mom and dad. If parents are extremely sensitive and careful, and grandmother will allow themselves to be the most, at first glance, a harmless phrase addressed to the elder child and relate to his relationship with younger (for example: "Give my sister your toy immediately, she's small"or "Do not shout, Tanya sleeps"), Without the necessary escort-explanation, the problem may arise completely unexpectedly.
The same situation can be submitted to the eldest child somewhat differently: " Visit you, Ilyushka, you have such good toys! Tanya has no such, let her play your robot a little, and you show me better your last drawing, I like it so much ..."Before the appearance of a younger child, teach senior to change toys, and not to select them. You can say so: " Seryozha, you know how we were protected by your dream when you were small, we even ran to the neighbors, they asked them not to make noise, but once you woke up and looked loudly loudly, and we comforted you for a long time" Try to smile, but do not laugh.
Let the older touch the younger and do not worry if he wakes the baby with a careless movement or cry, is inevitable.
Of course, the older child needs to be paid to no less attention than the younger. With him, it is still necessary to engage in his loved ones, paint the time to talk, - the children love themselves when they simply talk to them. " Learn together a new song (lullaby for younger), write it down on the tape recorder and turn on for a newborn. If you praise younger, you need to immediately find the reason to praise and senior. You caress the younger - pay the share of caress and the older! Etc.
As for the daily schedule for kids, then the routine of the day you will pick up yourself based on your capabilities. Some things are convenient to do simultaneously with two kids: walk, laying sleeping, feed. It may seem harder, but believe me, relieve you from total employment and stress associated with it.
Unfortunately, in the behavior of the elder child, with the appearance in the family of a new baby, certain mental deviations may arise (notes, in the absence of due attention to him from parents).
The most unpleasant is aggressive behavior aimed at the younger. At best, he will wake up his loud cries, at worst, will try to cause physical pain. Children's "ingenuity" in this area even amazing imagination. The problem is that children do not understand what cruelty and even death, sometimes they do not feel dangerous and do not imagine what strength may be damage, which they are able to apply even with their small physical capabilities to a small little man.
Other cases are less terrible in consequences, but also unpleasant.
It happens that the elder child decides to achieve the "former location" of parents by imitating the younger. For example, it begins to ask for a nipple, write to clothing, etc. (so-called regressive behavior).
The child can start to take revenge on parents: Capricious, Break, Do not respond to the call, etc. etc.
Some closes at their insult to the whole world, and to bring the child from this state is not always easy.
Behavioral options are reduced to the unconscious or conscious desire of a child to understand whether his parents love is still. Parents must apply all the forces to fill the gaps in its upbringing, and in no case do not resort to rough effects.
It will be difficult for you to protect the youngest bruises arising from the fault of the older, but do not limit their communication with handshakes through the maneja grille. It is very important that not only tactile, but also a psychological contact between them, then they will become closer to each other, they will get used to making many things together, help and cut down each other.
Ultimately, correctly constructed relations between children will help them understand the essence of relations between people. They will grow balanced and already endowed with the wisdom of everyday compromise, the ability to disinterestedly love and give away.
"Mom, why did you buy it, do you have me? Return it back to the store! "
Very often the older children, seeing that the mother caresses the newborn, they ask not to do this or try to attract attention to themselves in any way, and this is often the way this is not the most positive way. Nothing can be done: the in-family competition between children is a serious thing, but not at all inevitable.
If you notice that your children compete, they are very jealous of each other's parents, do not let everything in a samonek, thinking that everything is formed by itself.
Most often, the cause of jealousy is not in the nature or education, but in love. The child loves you, and therefore jealous. He is used to consider himself a small center of the Universe, receive all your love and affection without a rest, and now he has to share you with someone. This is especially brightly expressed in the "mother's" kids whose dad is very busy, and Moms are devoted to the baby all. Try to make the elder child also felt part of the "process".
Ideally, to prepare a senior to the appearance of another child follows the birth of the baby.
Instructions ...
To start It is worth telling where children are taken from (at a banal level, respectively, the child's age) - for example, "Mom and Dad, they say, so much loved each other, that one night decided to turn our love in a small baby, and then the daddy died in Mother The tummy, and connected with the mother's particle, and from these two parties began to grow their favorite (Aya) and a beloved (Aya) son / daughter. And when it passed time, and it (a) rose (LA) so much that he did not fit inside the mother's belly, Mom went to the doctor and he helped the "name" to get out of the mother's tummy to grow even more. And now we are threesome "Next, it should be said about how much you love your angel, how much it means for you. But, now love my mother with dad has become even more and you want to give a piece one more baby, and "We hope that you will help us too and you will love your brother or sister, because when he or she appear, you can To play with him, sing, there are candies (everything that the child especially loves to do). " When the child agrees, explain that the mother's belly will soon grow and become big, then Mom will go to the doctor again, so that he helps the baby to get out of the tummy, and four will be (or more if you have twins, for example). Try not to scare if your child will ask a tricky question, answer calmly, judicially, with love, and always come back to the fact that you love it very much, and that another child will not take this love, but will only increase. You will love it even more, because The kid will appear with his participation too.
Next step - attracting a child to the expectation of a miracle. Tell him that you eat something and then so that the baby is faster than Ros (giving and the older of the same Kushan, so that he grows faster). Speak about how little develops inside you that he already has handles and legs, fingers and spout. When the little starts to move, put the handle of the older on your stomach so that he can touch the baby. Read with him (or at least show some illustrations) about children inside your mother. When the belly becomes big, and you will be hard to do something, ask your child to help you, it would be nice to see it on the example of the Pope (and / or under his leadership). Allow it to participate in the choice of the name of the baby, and call the brother / sister by name. Talk threesome, and better than four times with dad, tell stories, read books. If you decide to get acquainted in advance with your doctor, you can take a child with you so that he also learned who will help his brother or sister appear.
Cook the child to the day of birth "Decide with whom it will remain at the decisive moment (with dad, grandmother, nanny), how much time you will break in the hospital, can the child see you when you are there." When the time comes, tell the child (of course, if it is not late at night) that you are going to the doctor, and that soon he will see his brother or sister. And follow the accuracy of the agreements that you discussed. And do not forget to repeat again and again that you love him, and grateful for his help and support. If you adhere to some religious religions, you can attach a child through faith and prayer. Tell me that if he will read the prayer (let it learn it in advance), he will, as if, beside, and you will feel His presence.
When will you come back home , immediately show the kid to the eldest. Tell us about what he is small and defenseless, how much he needs to be worried about him and loved him. More often involve older in joint games and toddler care. Ask to look at him when you go out, ask to play with him a rattle (show how it is better to do), let it help you bathe and feed it (while helping can even be that the elder just gives something or hold) . But, if the baby, for example, feeding you a nipple, suddenly drops it, in no way scold him, otherwise he will refuse to help you. And the whole offense will take off the younger, they say, his nipple, he is to blame.
Praise the eldest for the fact that he is already able to: he himself eats, dresses, she pisses into the toilet or a pot, tie shoelaces, etc. And the younger is still to learn everything, and it would be good for the elder brother / sister to take careless, showing on his example.
Try to play more with the eldest and communicate. By the way, one of the advantages of breastfeeding is that one hand is free to you, so you can hug her older child. This time can also be used to read (thereby you are not only soothing the older, but also the younger introduction to the beautiful) - that is, you can devote to both children. Or at this time you can offer to the eldest to play next to you, see new cartoons, draw. At the same time do not forget that the older needs time and for "Undivided" Have a possession of you (your time, attention, love). Of course, the main time you can devote to the eldest is the sleep time younger. Let it even a few minutes, devote them to the child completely. Always emphasize that he is already a big, adult man and there are special classes for big children, and the babies cannot do it. In addition, the older has privileges, for example, he can go to bed later. Let him understand that and in seniority there are its advantages, and does not envy the younger.
This, of course, is not an axiom of behavior, but a good way, which, if desired, can be varied in accordance with your style of communication, age and the development of your older child. The main one, if you will very much to love your children and show it in every way (and together and individually, and do not forget about the participation of the Pope), then the positive relations of your children will not make you wait.
Well, what to do those who have already missed the time, and the baby was already born, and the eldest jealous and begins to "interfere" in your concerns about the baby in every way - a whisker breaks, breaks, screaming, sucks the nipple, requires attention, says that the kid is bad and we do not need it, etc., and the like.
Instruction number 2 ...
First Do not scold and do not condemn the older for such behavior. Never say that he is no longer small that it does not even be supposed to do so.
Second , Take time, sit down with him together (or threesome with dad) and talk. Tell me how much you love him, how much he means for you, as you count on it in all your affairs. Say that he (a) is your golden boy / golden girl (or some kind of affectionate name, which he / her really like), always it was / she was, there will be, and now, after the birth of the kid Especially, because you are so tired with the baby, you need to care for him, and the eldest can all know how and it helps you so much.
Third You often talk to my older child about your love, play with him (it is with him), ask to help you at home, touch it, I am smoothing, kiss him, make it small gifts. At the same time, emphasize the attention to your love for it!
Let him understand that he is for you the main man that you love him, no matter what (but do not compare children, and not say that you love it more than the baby, even if he puts the question like that, tell me that you love There are differently). Fourth, involve it in joint games and care for baby (see above "When you return home ..."). Do not be afraid that the eldest offends the baby or will do something wrong (he will be very try). Even if something happens, do not scold, but show how to do it better, and next time again give him the initiative, looks slightly.
Your elder child now feels disadvantaged and even unnecessary, because Previously, all the attention was given to him, and now the baby. Try to switch his attention from your importance to love and help. When he feels likely again, he will stop jealous and will very much to love her brother or sister.
But! Do not give younger to the care of the older completely, even in a few years, and then the opposite reaction can develop when it will be jealous of the younger to you.
And finally, I will give an example to which I came across the Internet.
Writes Inessa Wamk, Mom of two daughters Marusi is 7 years old, and Dasha one and a half years.
"Of course, during the second pregnancy, we tried to tell the eldest daughter as much as possible about what awaits us in the very near future. Marusya applied her hand to my very rounded stomach, talked to the sister, sang her songs. But the main thing - we played. Not One, not two and not even five times we lost with toys, how childbirth will occur (lower anatomical details), as we will live in four, how the routine of the day at Mom, Pope and Marusi, who was to become an older sister and more Or a lesser extent, the daughter was prepared for the birth of the baby. But, of course, it is impossible to solve the whole path of the newly visible brothers and sisters, and in no case should not accuse themselves, no child is that the reality is not so rideward as we do it They were represented. It is better to try to analyze what difficulties arose, and solve them, as always, in the game.
The most common problem of small jealies is a manifestation of aggression in relation to the kid. Especially often it arises when the baby becomes more independent and active, begins to crawl, shows a burning interest in the toys and books of the elder brother or sister. At the first signs of aggression, the older does not scold and do not blame the child, thereby aggression you do not remove, but only driving even deeper. Of course, an open aggression, which can cause physical or psychological harm to a small one, should be stopped, but one thing is clearly not enough. First, try to understand who your elder child addresses his negative message - younger or to you, parents? Often, pushing, kicks, bites demonstratively occur only in the presence of parents, so that finally pay attention to the elder. Maybe it is more likely to hug him, listen to his voice in the family. The child should know that a certain one (even if not very significant!) Part of parental time and attention is dedicated to him only.
If you feel that aggression is aimed at the kid, try to translate it into a peaceful direction. Explain to the eldest that in each of us there is a "calm, kind" part and there is a "evil". In order for the "calm" won the "evil", you need to throw out your anger somewhere. The variants are set, select or find the most suitable for your chad. You can tear into small pieces of paper, you can sculpt from plasticine - put pressure, to mive, smear with all the power - plasticine has a very large psychotherapeutic effect. You can jump from the top step of the sports complex on a soft mat, unsettled on the floor (in this way the child is distracted from the "evil" thoughts, internally collects himself and overcomes its own fear). This method is suitable, however, for enough sports children.
Indeed, some regress may occur in the development of your older child: it can start writing to his pants again, to demand a diaper, Mamino Milk. My senior, looking at how I wear in the reassure of her newborn sister, asked her to wrap her to the sheet and donate in the blanket, perched over his shoulder. We played with her in such nomudinal fun as hide and seek on a diaper and "ladies". If your elder child wants to be small, take out with understanding to these requests: after all, so the baby checks whether the place remains in your heart for him.
Play together!Perfectly, if you manage to connect the baby to your joint game. For example, it is quite suitable for the role of "patient", while the elder will depict the "doctor." Mom can come with a baby in the "clinic" and get from the "doctor" a number of the most valuable councils for the care and upbringing of modern children. And when the time comes to do a small massage, the eldest child can repeat the mother's action on a big doll - then you will have a real massage room at home. If the elder child is a girl, you can play the real "mother's daughters". Play daily situations: a meeting of young mammies with strollers on a walk, hike in the pool, visit. Share with your daughter-girlfriend the problems of current babies, please contact your crumbs, discuss the teething teeth. Such a game, among other things, is very useful for the development of maternal instincts, and the elder daughter will feel its importance and significance for mom. "
In short, play and create. The game will help the eldest child to feel that he is safe that he loves still and what he needed in the family. And then it will be for his younger brother or sister's real support and support.
Irina Vorontsova
Psychologist
A small disgusting person is born, which turns out to be anything at all. And it's not what to play with him, even approach it is often not allowed.
The child just wants your attention. Anyone
I have such a desire - to tell about how we helped my older daughter Seraphim to accept the youngest - Dunechka. This is a difficult moment when another kid appears in the family, and for us it seems to me, he was particularly difficult. Seraphimka (she at that time was 2 and a half years) is very characteristic, it does not like, jealous, it is strongly tied to me. I understand that my experience is only my experience, all the kids are different, and parents are different, and here, in fact, at least clean up, but the most important thing is to see your own child and remember that he can be completely different. And the main thing is probably allowing him to be completely different.
Frankly, I felt that it could not be easy. Therefore, I tried to prepare a little in advance. We talked about the baby with Seraphim, they went to the midwife together, she gave her to listen to the heart beating at Mom in his stomach. Closer in childbirth, the month from the seventh, many children comes a difficult period - hysterics, the mother is still still tired, and it is already very tired, and then you have to pay attention to the eldest. The main thing, it seems to me, just remember that this is normal. It is good that the child has become "difficult", it means that changes in your family have already begun, you are approaching the main point, and any changes require time. And patience. It seems to me that it is important to meet the child here. He appears the feeling that mom eludes him from him, you need to give him support - calm, land, protection. Even if the child turns into an infant baby helpless, it seems to me that it is important to take it now.
Many, probably, know that when the second kid appears in the family, the most important thing is how much attention is paid to the eldest child. This, in my opinion, absolute truth. When you hold on the hands of a newborn baby, the eldest child suddenly begins to seem very large. Even physically. Just huge. Big head, big hands and legs. Very strange. Over time, this feeling will pass, but at first it is important to remember that your elder child up to this point was the smallest and still small and remains.
That is why you need to be prepared for the fact that the child (in my opinion, of any age) can come regress. He becomes a capricious, requires attention, refuses to understand something, and here it is very important (completely exhausted and tired Mom) to give him attention to him. Time. And do not wait for it from him any thanks. Two. It saves this idea - now, it is now that your children are lifted up with life. At some deep level. This is not even psychology, it is, if you please, accept each other at the level of the soul. Therefore. You can suffer. True can be. We are not given the difficulties that we would not be able to survive. Therefore, in the face of this little monster, Love itself speaks with you.
We were seraphim helped to survive her infant period. Favorite game was to play the baby. When she asked, we hung it into the blanket, tied up with a ribbon, Pasha wore her on her hands and said, look, I also have a baby, I answered, oh, what a pretty, oh, she already has a teeth, oh, and she already has a teeth And learned to talk? Seraphim adored this game, badly, pretended to cry or, on the contrary, laughed (oh, your baby is already smiling!) Or I started jumping (oh, he jumps!), Etc.
By the way, the regression can manifest itself in the fact that the child, for example, begins to be written in the pants (we continued for several months, although Seraphim has long been replicated from diapers). Or even rushing. This is normal, nothing is needed to do, just wait and in no case swear on the topic "you are already big." If the child slept separately, it can ask you to bed. Here you can decide what to do . We were divided: I am with a baby, a husband with seraphic.
Another important point is guests. Everyone wants to see the baby and admire. At the same time, the eldest (and after all, before that, all admirations were addressed to him) remains often as if not. First, I asked if there is a desire to give a gift, then in order to give him Seraphim and congratulated that now she has a sister. Secondly, asked friends to ask Seraphim about sister. Let her, and not I lead them into the room and shows the baby. This is her event.
Then, of course, the participation of the older child in the life of the younger. Together to change clothes, showing toys, ask for a diaper. I will say honestly, Seraphima pampers to wear did not love, the game "What my assistant you didn't really like her.
Now it has already become more interesting, but greatly gradually. But what she loved to do and loves still - Massage baby. This is, in my opinion, an important thing is a bottle contact, he makes just miracles. It seems to me that it is important to allow the child to touch the baby as much as possible (which parents are so much so much). Just do it needed under your constant supervision. You take one leg, the child is another, on the palm it is pouring the maslice massage and smoothed the heel, each finger separately. It is useful to everyone and, in my opinion, creates a wonderful connection at the deepest level. At first we made the Tone massage every day, it loves everything. If the child begins to do something hard, there is no particular sense to tell him how not to do. It is much more important to show him how to do. Just take his handle to your.
If the child is deliberately trying to make the baby hurt, in my opinion, too, it also makes little sense to shout. The child just wants your attention. Anyone. And now he agrees and your negative attention. The main thing is to get this attention.
And if you react sharply, then the child quickly understands - this is the easiest way to get my mother's attention. And if at first he just shouted loudly next to the baby or drove the machine on him, then he would beat him with this typewriter. Therefore, it is important in my opinion, right now it's attention to him. But at the same time, the baby does not exclude.
We do the following: We take Seraphim by hand and gently say: "Affectionate handles, Seraphima gentle handles," and spend her hand in their own. Then gently spend on the baby. Even if it seems to you that your child is already big and must understand words, honest word, actions he understands much better. "Affectionate handles" can be repeated a hundred times a day. Sometimes I put the hand of dunects in Serafimin and say "Serafimochy and Dunechkina handles are friends, they play together." Something like this.
Further. During pregnancy, we are talking to our children, your brother or sister will be born and you will play together, you will have a friend / girlfriend. The child is waiting. And what happens? A small hazing person is born, which turns out Nothing can do nothing at all. And it's not what to play with him, even approach it is often not allowed. Therefore, in my opinion, it's great to start playing right away. I just took Doss on the handles and from her face I began to accepted with seraphic. Babies love such role-playing games and believe in them as well as you begin to believe that the dolls themselves say when you come to a puppet play.
"Hello, Seraphim! - Says Dunya, - I am your youngest sister. And you are my older sister. What are you cool! How cool I have such a wonderful sister. And you know how to jump? And how do you want? Oh, I also want grow and learn so jump! " etc. Voop your youngest child and play him. I still remember how we run with each other with each other, and I fly in my hands a surprised monthly dish, "catching seraphim." Let not often, but at least occasionally (especially at the first time!) It is important that the children play "together".
In general, in my sense, you should not limit the older child in his interest in the younger.That is, any of his movement, curiosity, the action is acceptable. The main thing, control, smooth, coordinate these actions. Well, when any hike of older to younger approves from mom. Just at that moment my mother is better to approach and sit down next.
Sometimes it is not even necessary to interfere (and even better, if possible, not interfere). You are here as if the control and guide force, and not a participant of the game. Unfortunately, I know a lot of families where my mother has protected the younger child as Korshun, the older forbid himself to approach him, as a result children grew from two different planets, the eldest completely lost interest in the second child, the children did not play together. Another difficult moment, when mom, trying to control the actions of the elder, shouts at him, applies strength, trying to explain how he does not need to behave, as a result, the child begins to mock the younger empty (forbidden fruit of sweets), and then mom has to control The actions of children are several times more, since she has no confidence in her senior. In general, the question of trust, as I feel, is very important.
I see that the more I demonstrate Seraphim, which I trust her, the less conflicts arise.
It seems to me that the inner position of mom is very important here. The child feels everything. Signal "I trust you, I know that you can consciously can't harm your sister / brother" the child is very cool. But again - trust, but check, in the first months of life, the child is not able to establish the borders of communication with the baby, what can be done, and what can not be checked (fingers to poke into the nose or in the eyes), so it is better to be on the challenge But gently and broadcasting calm.
Further. As I said, one of the reasons why the elder child is trying to intentionally harm the youngest - he wants to attract Mamino attention thus. So the child is arranged - he needs simply as the air of Mamino. And he wants him that he is ready even for negative attention from Mom.
That is, he is ready to hit the baby so that Mom gives his attention to him, even if it is screaming. And here, in my opinion, there are two points.
The first, if the elder child is angry at the younger, then it's time to pay attention to him. But it is better not to do it right away, but first to pay attention to the offended. After all, as a rule, when one beats the other, we first throw on the one who beats (he first gets attention). And it would be more correct, in my opinion, first grab and regret (as follows!) Offended. Then the offender sees - the way it does not work, so Mom, on the contrary, was completely released from him. And then, after some time, try to pay attention to the eldest (if I'm busy, I just silently take Seraphim on the handles and plant it next to the table on which I cook).
In fact, it became much easier for us to live when Dunechka turned five months, and she began to sit herself, and therefore it was possible to use the carrying of ergo. In her she sleeps, eats, looking at life, in the meantime I am engaged in seraphic or household chores.
Another point. Often they advise immediately teach the child to the fact that he is a senior. And in every possible way this position is praised. Not so long ago, I understood (finally!) That this technique does not work with the seraphic. Does not want to be older. To tolerate, help, wait - does not want. And I almost ceased to call it. It became, on the contrary, it is more common that she is my little girl. And add - big, but still small. And I feel that some tension is gone. She was much more hunted to make compromises. Because it feels that there is no ambitious difference between it and the Duna. And mom is common.
Life flows, everything changes every day, the methods that worked yesterday do not work today, you need to constantly be open, to give up any stereotypes when it comes to children, and most importantly, do not wait for them to do something that we are from We are waiting for them. The most important thing is perhaps it is to carry the idea that you are one family, you are the closest people, you must be together, and all worthy of all the best. I think so. Published