To be together already unbearable, the spouses begin to rush between two poles: to donate with gloomy real, saying: "To be together - it is impossible!", Or find the strength and convince the partner in the fact that "you can not part!". Family troubles can be associated with the so-called "regulatory crises" - there is nothing terrible. The situation is complicated if the crisis is non-normal, due to either the state of jealousy of one or both spouses, or treason or protracted conflicts.

With the help of the Soviets of the famous practical psychologist V. M. Tyulyko, you can analyze your relationship and find the best way out of the family crisis.

The publication is addressed to married couples and those who are only going to enter into marriage, as well as psychologists, social workers and all those interested in the psychology of interpersonal relations.

Chapter 2. Jealousy and marital treason as a variety of non-normal crises in the family

Psychology of married treason

Sophisticated treason is one of the unpleasant attributes of family life. They were, there are and will be - this triangle is old as the world! But from this the spiritual pain of whom they change, it does not become less. Usually, the news of treason is a strong shock, to survive which is not for everyone.

In this regard, the famous experience of the famous Georgian psychologist Dmitry Bisciterty is remembered. He took a couple of monkeys, separated by the male with a lattice, and he placed another to the female. And when the female was inferior to the harassment of a new lover, her "legitimate" male watched their sodia through the lattice ... A day later, a heart attack happened. When the female changed not behind the bars, and behind a impermeable wall (that is, the male did not see the very fact of treason), the experiment did not affect the health of the male. I do not think that in these matters we are very different from the monkeys.

However, in modern society, the attitude towards this problem is quite controversial. Different researchers, consultants, doctors express all sorts of opinions about the marital infidelity, considering the extramarital connections (extramarface sex) natural and typical for our reality, which should be taken as such and try to adapt to it. Some supporters of "alternative emotional and erotic communication channels" are trying to prove that well-speaking extramarital relationships will not harm marriage and even, on the contrary, contribute to the "relief" and integrity, make the family happy and strong.

Moreover, married infidelity, in particular, male, consider as a kind of effective psychotherapeutic agent, thanks to which many men successfully overcome the vital crises. Often they rush to love novels at the time of the personal crisis caused, as a rule, failures in the professional sphere, a sense of dissatisfaction with work or some circumstances.

Such a novel acts in the role of the backups, crutches: it helps again believe in itself, his own opportunities, and the new woman willingly agree to listen to the complaints of the victim of the Men's Faisco. Do not leave the husband at this time of the novel - they say such therapists, "the family could not withstand emotional tension: the wife would have become irritable, sharp, finally broke down - and there would be a slow" drift "of a couple in non-existence.

The culture of different peoples of centuries formed customs and morals, the norms of relationships that constitute the basis of the requirements for the behavior of all family members, and first of all to the behavior of the spouses. In some nations to married treasure, they are rather ambiguous: one is customary to punish the wrong wife, and the other, on the contrary, the husband is exposed to social sanctions.

As the Italian historian Marko Polo says, the Arabic tribe of Assani has the full right to "go to the left" every fourth day. In the Mariana Islands, the wrong wife is expelled from the house, take all her property, and the lover is most often killed. The harsh car is waiting for her husband's husband: all women in the area are thrown on it and they are tormented until he leaves the spirit or - at best, it will not become crippled. In Bolshaya Bassam (Africa), the traitor to redeem his guilt must give its half the golden decoration. And the lover of his wife must work for some time a servant in this family. More severely come with the wrong spouse in the Ashanti tribe: the husband ... Spike her nose. Therefore, in order to stay with a whole nose, it is best to live on Borneo, because there is the easiest way to get a divorce. Spouses, instead of proving that they did not agree with the characters, it is enough to declare that they had heard the singing of birds at night, which brings misfortune in family life.

At the same time, one very important feature is striking: since ancient times, excessive rigor in behavior was required exclusively from women. The narrow framework of women's freedom was limited to such an extent that she was not only denied the right to manifest any feelings for a man who was not her husband, but she was generally considered a thing, the property of her husband. The facts of this attitude towards a woman we find the ancient Germans in the description of Tacitus.

Wife, as a rule, bought, making gifts her family. And relate to it, respectively. The infidelity of wives punished with husbands is very strict. "Disassembled by a grant of hair and dressing Donaga, the husband in the presence of relatives drives her out of her house and, tie down, chasing throughout the village. Some beautiful, young and rich, neither was, she no longer find a new husband, "Tacitus tells.

Well, how not to think about how the extent there were these "traditions". In the description of the domestic family life of the last century, we meet the following: "Despite the fact that men's infidelity occurs much more often, it is condemned and punished only by grades of his wife. The punishment was that her husband injected his wife in a cart or sleigh instead of a horse, forcing him to carry him, and at the same time he beat his wife's wife. Or tied his wife to Oglochal for braids and drove the horse Horse. "

Many centuries have passed, but, unfortunately, in many of our families, the semi-sowers of our ancestors have been preserved in many families: a dismissive attitude towards a woman and the idea that "only a man - the king of nature" can afford "liberty on the side."

Of course, such a double morality will bring happiness to the family, if a man and woman will not understand one important truth: you need to protect, respect the feelings of another, learn to understand your neighbor, take his pain, stand up in his place; Learn to think not only about yourself, your feelings and resentment. And then there will be consent and mutual understanding in the family. In the meantime, unfortunately, it is necessary to face the problem of extramarital connections - by this unpleasant companion of the marriage.

How to treat marriage treason? The question for which there is hardly a response, satisfying in the same extent and those who enter into extramarital connections, and those who do not have prohibitive borders. In addition, on this issue, despite the eternity of the problem that exists as much as the family exists, there is still no serious scientific literature. Concepts treasonand fidelityit is subjective in nature, that is, every partner of a married couple and a married couple as a whole has the right to determine their attitude towards them. Evidence this kind of extramarital entertainment as swinging - Temporary exchange of marriage partners for a variety of sexual relations by mutual agreement of spouses.

It should be borne in mind such a type of sexually extramarital relationships as incest . Separate researchers do not belong to the category of married change and find this quite believable explanation. For example, A. Lippius believes that incest as sexual relationship with a close blood relative cannot be treated.

"Everything happens in a family circle, the members of which are originally bonded by the bonds of family love. According to sexopathologists, the brother and sister in adolescence are most often connected. It is clear that there is no talk about treason. We have changed the situation. Brother and sister grew up, each has their own family. The memory of the family, about the happy childhood they will bring them closer. If they have been actively engaged in sex, that is, a big percentage of the likelihood that sometimes they want to dive into "memories." But in this case, it is impossible to say that he will change his wife, and she her husband.

In scientific literature, cases were noted when children were born in large families from the incest, the parents were engaged in their parents. Sometimes sex came between her father and daughter and at the same time between the mother and son, mother and daughter. In these cases, the family creates its closed world. There are no other people's people here and, therefore, it is impossible to talk about treason.

Incest phenomenon is Moligone. Sometimes drunken fathers are forced to this daughters. In this case, we are talking about a crime. However, this does not have this relationship. "

With the facts of extramarital sexual love, we faced quite often in our everyday life. For real figures, testifying to the prevalence of female and male change, it is useless to refer. It is important to know that the influence of extramarital contacts and connections on marital relations is largely determined by the stage of marriage, treason occurred. Every kind of treason is fraught with the emergence of an acute or protracted emotional reaction of a deceived partner, if the erotic adventures of their half have become known to him. A long extramarital connection, in addition, can threaten the emergence of the emotional dependence of the wrong spouse from its new chosen one. Features of these and other problems associated with married infidelity will be considered in this section.

Concept and types of married change

Extramarital contacts and connections traditionally denoted as treason, in a different way, is called an adulter that translated from French (adultere) is a violation of marital allegiance, married treason, adultery. In the dictionary of the Russian language S. I. Ozhegova, such a person, "who cannot be believed to violated his obligations to whom,", and treason is interpreted as a "violation of loyalty to someone."

Based on these definitions, married infidelity should be considered as a violation of loyalty in relation to the person with whom the marriage union is concluded. The main indicators of the marital treason are sexual relations with another partner and the ban on them from the marriage partner, the wording of the meetings. The presence of emotional relationship is not necessary. In this way, sophisticated treasonyou can determine how voluntarily allowed sexual relationships with an extramarital partner, in which one of the spouses enters secretly or without the permission of the person with whom the marriage union is concluded.

Treason as an option of violation of the marital life is significantly different from other types of family destruction: conflicts, quarrels, asocial behavior, crises, divorces, etc. The marital infidelity can meet in almost healthy, socially prosperous families and absent in the destroyed. The area of \u200b\u200bits manifestation is the sexual-love relationship of spouses, while the quarrel, conflict, the crisis of such qualitative definiteness does not have and can develop in the field of household, economic, parental and other relations. Although treason applies not to family relationships in general, but only the areas of marital feelings, however, other family members are involved in its experience, which is always negatively affecting the family atmosphere as a whole, can lead to a serious crisis or decay of marriage.

No matter how they tried some researchers to justify an adulter, referring to the words F. Engels that "There are no funds against the matrimonial infidelity, as opposed to death," calling for philosophically to treat life should not forget about the consequences of such love hobbies.

FirstlyA marriage treason threatens the integrity of the family, affecting its important foundations such as married feelings.

SecondlyThe violation of relations in the marital substructure is transferred to other parties to family life, destroying emotional, domestic, economic and even parental relations.

ThirdlyThe loving sexual connection on the side is accompanied by the experience of the feeling of jealousy, the insults, the suffering of a deceived partner, which brings deep affects to the family drama, destructive themselves.

Fourth, the extramarital connection affects the feeling of honor and personal advantage of the spouse presented, which makes treason not only interpersonal, but also an individual personal phenomenon. The woman who changed her husband feels offended, offended, unhappy. The husband in the event of a change of his wife is feeling humiliated, he considers itself disgraced and ridiculous, pathetic both in the eyes of others, and in their own - after all, a pitiful image of a cuckold was the subject of ridicule from time immemorial. With the concept of married infidelity from his wife, almost every man is connected with the loss of his male honor.

FifthFor the "affected side", the treason of the spouse is the strongest injury provoking along with psychogenic depression and auto-destructive behavior (from alcoholization to suicidal attempts) the emergence and pronounced aggressive trends towards an incorrect partner (from physical impact up to the murder).

There is an opinion that treason and marital infidelity is not the same thing. So, for example, a German psychotherapist K. Kofta believes that treason concerns the body, the soul is infidelity. A. Lippius As part of the concept, married infidelity shares extramarital sex and treason. He sees the main difference in the fact that the traitor may not tear the marriage alliance, but he does not like his marriage partner, he is held only some circumstances, for example, children, career, relative household comfort, which he is afraid to lose. With the extramarital sex, husbands, as a rule, love wives, but at the same time practiced infidelity.

At the same time, sexual relationships depending on the duration and sustainability of extramarital contacts, the nature of the relations of partners and the subject of new love hobbies (random person or permanent, that is, the same person) can be divided into three groups: random extramarital contacts ( Short, random ties), erotic sexual adventures (romantic relationships) and extramarital connections (treason).

What differ from each other every of the dedicated varieties of extramarital sexual relations?

Casual extramarital contact - a single case, episodic, short-term communication, a little associated with a particular person. Such contact may be a consequence of the sexual need due to the forced sexual abstinence - by abstinence (separation or disease of one of the spouses), the manifestation of the need to prove its sexual capacity or a provoked result of a random opportunity.

Changing spouse does not fall in love deep and does not put such a goal, so this contact is not a consequence of sensual relations and does not lead to them; This is a pure sexual fact. Possible forms of manifestation of such a variety of extramarital sexual relations can be two extreme options.

First, it is a single extramarital contact that took place completely accidentally during a set of certain circumstances (meeting of childhood friends, sex during a business trip or relaxing at the resort, the joint use of alcoholic beverages, which led to the loss of control of their behavior as a result of alcohol intoxication, etc. ).

Secondly, frequent extramarital contacts in an individual of a polygamy type, which easily changes the sexual partners without having an emotional erotic connection. Such species are most often inclined to men who are focused only on obtaining sexual pleasure. Therefore, it should not be surprised that they do not remember any names or people of their sexual partners, although at the same time they can perfectly remember the brand of wine, which with a random acquaintance drank on the eve.

Short, random relations are the smallest danger to marriage.

Erotic sex adventures there are separate extramarital episodes in which a particular role is played by a sexual temptation with elements of opening a new one and the desire for a variety. In addition to sexual desire, an indispensable condition is the erotic attractiveness of the partner. A significant role is played tenderness. Such contacts are built on the mutual granting of subtle experiences, in which, among other things, it is important to open a new person. The man we are talking primarily about the opening of the body of a partner, a woman is more likely to open the reaction of his body to a new partner.

These erotic sexual adventures are crawling, optional and leave after themselves memories of a certain separate episode and their own pleasure. There is no romance in marriage, and in a relationship with a new sexual partner experiences a feeling of freshness. Illegal connection is accompanied by concerns to be exposed. The studies have established that the alarm's state increases sexuality in man: the most acute sexual arousal appears after passing a certain threshold of anxiety. Therefore, sex lovers gives more pleasure and for this reason. In addition, pumping the law of integrity, a person feels free from other moral prohibitions, in particular, becomes more familiar and in sex, which is very important for complete satisfaction.

This type of marital change can make the character of prolonged sexual relations characteristic of people serious, prone to affection. At the same time, each of the partners is satisfied with the style of married life. They meet to reset the accumulated negative energy, each of them is an extramarital partner interests only as a source of pleasure. Long-term connections for a married man can be one of the varieties of sexual contacts. For a married woman, a similar solid lover is most often the only one.

Erotic-sex adventures do not represent much danger to the marital union (which respects respect) of each partner, rather they are its transient addition. Such extramarital bonds, despite the duration and relative sustainability of partner relations, can stop at all as soon as one of the lovers will feel a threat to their marriage.

Most romantic men are trying to give preference to lonely women, while incorrect wives mostly change only with married men. One of the reasons for this is that a married man is safer, calm and will not threaten the existence of its current family.

Extramarital sexual contacts, single or repeated, and erotic sexual adventures are different situational short-term treason. They should be distinguished by prolonged treason denoted as fornication.

Commes - The most dangerous sexual relationships, characterized by a large duration and emergence of emotional dependence on the new partner. A strong love feeling in this case may be the cause of treason or, on the contrary, appear in the process of developing relationships with an extramarital partner. Often a woman in such a connection is unmarried, and a married man - medium (45-55) years.

At this age, men are considered dangerous. In this period, the sexual attraction begins to decline, reflecting the transition from maturity to fading, which is perceived by some men panically, because it personifies the occurrence of old age and the end of active life for them. This category of men seeks to save sexual attraction in any way. Among the most common ways, as a rule, the appearance of an alliance with a young, attractive, sexually active woman in which he fully played the role of a young man with full return. Such a connection is able to destroy the family if an unfavorable setting is developing and if someone from extramarital partners has its own housing.

For this type of extramarital relationships, as well as for marital relations, certain stages of development are characteristic. Personal qualities and emotionality of both partners have great importance. At the same time, the woman comes into love relationships with a man not immediately, but for a very long time looking at him, trying to understand whether she really loves him, because for her the main goal is love, and sex is a means to conquer her. In addition, the woman wants a lot, but from one man, and therefore as if asking for him to him, seeking to predict whether it will receive everything in new relations what is counting on. Therefore, it is not in a hurry to reveal their feelings: it is easier for her to fall in love, than confessing in love.

As for men, they have a somewhat different psychology. A man is afraid of the appearance of new problems, hoping that in the extramarital connection with another woman he will be able to relax and take a break from life worries. Supporting relations with her and receiving new sensations from her, pleasure in sex, with time a man emotionally ties it so much that the sake of new love is ready to sacrifice family well-being, hoping for a continuation of love romance with a new partner. Therefore, its extramarital relationship can have the character of long, mainly sexual relations, to which with time joins a deep love feeling over time.

Such a connection inevitably leads to different kinds of problems of the so-called dual life. On the one hand, the family in which the wife and children, and on the other, are a new love, which is not so easy to refuse. Everyone's fate in this love triangle turns out to be uncomfortable. The wife, who failed to save harmony in an intimate and sustainable marriage, is now forced to put up with the situation not to lose her husband, and with him and family. The rival, who, who failed to build his own happiness, is forced to be content with the surrogate of relationships and to bring acquittal theory for them, understanding its zybacity. The husband, who is forced to lie, fell, being between two lights, overcome the flour of conscience, fearing the repression on both sides, because it is difficult for him to refuse from one, and from another woman, each of whom he is in his own way (a man wants one - attention, care, caress - but from many women). It is more suitable for a double marriage, because in this situation it is very difficult to make a choice.

On the one hand, the man retains the attachment to his wife, with which a significant part of life lived and a lot of people move together, and on the other hand, the new chosen one causes acute sexual arousal in it and passionate feelings. Often, being in a state of division, he is waiting for more decisive actions from one of the women, so as not to take the burden of responsibility or for a ruined marriage, or for breaking relations on the side. And if at the moment when a man is at the crossroads, a puffy quarrel or a belling with an extramarital partner will arise, it can serve as a reason for parting with it. In any case, the appearance of ordinary "frictions" between them pushes them to the conclusion that "it is not that" and "he is no longer one." Forky passion, therefore, can go into the category of long friendly relationships, which, in turn, can change the gradual extinction of feelings, and often with a complete emotional alienation once passionately loved each other people.

In the relationship between extramarital partners there is one very significant feature that distinguishes them from the relationship of married. If spouses usually associate not only emotional dependence on each other, but also the generality of life, the need to raise children and other family functions and responsibilities, the basis of the permanent union is predominantly emotional relations of partners. And since the emotions are changeable, often depend on the current situation, then these unions disintegrate faster and more often.

Psychologists allocated five stages of the development of emotional relations, which are characteristic of both marital and extramarital couples.

The first stage - a period of deep passionate love of a person when it is completely under the influence of a positive installation: the partner does it takes all the attention, painting the perception of reality into rainbow tones, without leaving for a minute of consciousness of a loving person.

On the second Stage some cooling comes: the image of a loved one still pops up in his absence, but one only his appearance causes a strong tide of positive emotions, love, tenderness to it.

On the third Stage further cooling of emotional relations occurs. Now in the absence of a partner another experiences a kind of psychological discomfort, feels bad, all sorts of "black" thoughts climb. For only one appearance, tenderness, love does not flash. Now there is a stimulus for this: it is necessary that he make something pleasant, proving his love, is now required by caressing, gentle words, gifts, some services, etc. This is an addictive stage.

If at this stage does not reduce the intensity of communication, begins fourth Stage When the presence of a partner causes unconscious irritation, when certain features are in appearance, behavior, habits - perceived already as disadvantages, and prerequisites for bellows. A person begins to fall under the influence of a negative installation: every word, a gesture or act of a partner is perceived now with unfriendly, hostile positions, an innocent emboss is considered as an intentional atrochement. There is a desire to part, but as soon as he is "from the eye of a one", the balance is restored.

On the fifth Stage man is completely under the influence of a negative installation. Now the partner again does not come out of the head again, but this is not the angel that he was for several months (weeks) ago, now he finally opened his "genuine face of the vile and calculating villain." I intentionally depreciates all the good things that was in the past, nice words and deeds are ignored, but it is clearly acting and growing up to gigantic sizes, it is built into a single chain all negative in it, the joint life "loses any meaning."

Naturally, the clear boundary between the two neighboring stages has no one and the same person, and even more so it is impossible to spend it from different people, the situation, condition, well-being, whose behavior may not coincide. But quite often from the family partner is increasingly begins to think about what he lost in the past, trying to establish relationships with the former spouse, hoping to return to him. If this is not possible for any reason, then a desire may appear to find a new partner, with whom again manage to survive a surge of love feelings. And it can be repeated in some people repeatedly.

Causes of marital infernity

Relocial bonds are usually associated with diverse reasons for psychological, socially domestic, neurophysiological, emotional, intellectual and moral order. In each individual case, and every particular person, be it a man or a woman, these reasons are subjective in nature, defined not only by specific accuracy and circumstances, but also by the personal features of the partners. In addition, the reasons for change may be due and gender differencesassociated with the peculiarities of sex psychology. Let us dwell on this category of reasons in more detail.

In public consciousness, a peculiar double standard remains in relation to the extramarital relations of men and women. In particular, a rather common view of male infidelity, as a kind of prank, physiological need, whose satisfaction is possible (and even necessary!) With any partner, since negative sexual energy accumulates, and its excess leads to health disorders.

Men often adhere to more free looks in relation to themselves than in relation to women, showing themselves with supporters of traditional double morality - behavior, "permitting" for men and "prohibiting" for women. Single episodes of their infidelity they do not consider treason at all.

Women usually make the same requirements and to themselves, and to men. A modern woman still keeps the position of the keeper of a homemade hearth. Women are more categorically configured for extramarital connections, prohibiting them for both sexes.

There are many reasons for men. We give the most common.

Causes and motives for men

1. Aggravated sexual needin most cases, not connected with any emotional and spiritual parties to communication, which is usually satisfied with the unfamiliar partners or in short-term, fleeting connections with long-standing familiar, colleagues, friends of friends, etc.

2. Temporary absence of a wife - Departure for a business trip, vacation, for treatment, etc. The separation of the spouse is often regarded as a sufficient basis for searches for its time replacement.

3. The impact of "random" circumstances.Alcoholic intoxication, especially its lighter degree, enhances the sexual attraction and weakens internal prohibitions. Many men consider the use of alcohol in the company direct cause of the extramarital connection. However, it would be more correct to regard this condition as promoting the circumstance with married infidelity.

4. Love for another woman. Sex in this case is like a granted detail in the complex mechanism of human relations built on love.

5. Initiative and women's perseverance. In this case, the male "Code of honor" does not allow to insult a lady with refusal, and himself is to sign in the "inability". In modern conditions, this cause of men's change is also due to the following circumstance. In large cities, more than 30% of women in adulthood in lawful marriage are not consistent, but they are ready to enter into sexual relations with a man, and at the same time consider a man, regardless of whether he is married or not, with its legal prey.

According to psychologists, modern lonely women in their most part intend to join (and enter) in contact with a married person, if he liked him, although twenty years ago, many of them preferred solitude with a family man. A similar study of the intimate life of unmarried 35-40-year-old women Warsaw and Krakow, conducted in 1998 by Andrzej Kubakov, showed that 75% of them consist or earlier consisted of sexual relations with a married man. According to the information received from men in married, many of them did not think about treason, they would prefer to preserve loyalty to wives, but they are not under the power to refuse the "adventure" if the "adventure" itself goes into hand.

6. Self-affirmation.Male pride will be mastered by the number of sexual victories that they are vital. This is especially characteristic of those men who could not (failed, did not want) to realize their career ambitions. After having achieved in the life of planned success, they are trying their professional failure and professional failure to compensate for the achievements in the sexual sphere. Such men more often change not only wives, but also from the extramarital partners who can be at the same time somewhat: they attend one of them often, meetings on the other occur against the case, with the third there are on a strict schedule, for example once a month. Psychology studies show: The more successful the man's business goes in the professional sphere, the less his tendency to treasure.

7. Revenge(for humiliation, for treason). Entry into the extramarital connection occurs during the sorry with his wife, hagging or from the desire to take revenge and establish himself in its freedom and independence.

8. Desire to change impressions, striving for a variety of sensations, feelings and impressions. In family life, there will be a boredom. At the same time, it is in mind not only the repeatability of conversations, lack of spiritual incentives, but most often the same uniforms in the intimate (sex) life. A man in extramarital contact with another woman is looking for a change of impressions, the delights of novelty and unknown sensations; Sometimes they drive a simple curiosity and thirst for additional pleasures.

9. Award for yourself success.A similar motive of treason is characteristic of a category of wealthy men that have appeared in the last decade in Russia. For a man, self-affirmation is very important through the manifestation of their business and professional qualities, so he gives a career a lot and energy. Sooner or later, a great success comes to a purposeful and persistent man, for which he decides to reward himself with his mistress.

Sometimes such men cannot withstand the role of the winner in all spheres of life. And it instills fear in them. At the subconscious level, they are afraid of revenge demons evil for their successful fate. Starting an intrigue and making the wife to find out about her, the husband deliberately destroys the family. Failure in one of the spheres of life - in this case, in family life, it gives them the opportunity to withstand success in another, vocational and love, for he feels free, not related to any prohibitions and obligations. Such a "remuneration state" continues until the man once again comes into a lawful marriage.

Along with the specified reasons for male infidelity, you can note some more features prone to treason husband. A man makes "leaving leaving" without looking back, unmistakably relying on their own strength. If the wife, for example, finds out about his sexual adventures, then he has enough patience to calm her with the help of gifts or assurances of marital loyalty in the future. At the same time, he understands that nothing of the promised will do. In addition, men are relatively free in making decisions in relation to such a delicate case, what is the extramarital sex. In the overwhelming majority they play extramarital games at their own request, even in cases where mercantile interests are pursued. The behavioral thesis "Life is so short and is given only once" justifies any of their adventures, although most of the wrong husbands consider their marriage quite successful, while changing wives regard him as unhappy.

Women's innocence - This is a flight from not satisfying her marital relations. Women in marriage disappoints that the husband does not provide proper emotional support, does not pay his wife either time, no attention, does not express love and does not help in domestic affairs, so she is looking for support on the side. American psychologist K. Baldwin noticed that women outside the marriage are not looking for sex, but emotional protection and support, but for this they are forced to pay their body.

What reasons most often encourage a woman to cross the forbidden line of lawful marriage? As mentioned above, it appears on the forehead here that for men is purely secondary: dissatisfaction in marriage. With this, it is quite consistent with a much greater weight of love for an extramarital partner as a motive of an extramarital connection: a woman dissatisfied with marriage is looking for serious attachment in extramarital relationship, counting on emotional warmth, since in the family feels lonely.

Suffering from a lack of attention to himself, the woman at the same time she dreams of a cruel, persistent man who truly loves it, and therefore she goes longer to her betrayer than a man, painfully thinking about his connection and worries about her, very long looks after To a man before becoming his mistress. The extramarital sex for a woman performs in the form of a durable emotional connection, which is often pushing deep psychological reasons.

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Thank you

Married, each of us must remember that the family is a living organism, which is typical of both emerge and grow, and grow up. Often this body is also ill. All diseases in this case are represented by the life dramas with which they have to face all families without exception. Life dramas can be different, but in all cases they become the cause of the development of the family crisis, to cope with which not everyone can manage. As a result, we get a divorce, children left without a father or mother, unrequited love, etc. But now it is not about that. In this article we will talk directly about sophisticated treason - Romantic trap, which often destroys even the most prosperous families. Why the spouses change each other exactly what exactly they think about it and can you keep marriage at all, you can find out right now.

Definition of concept

Sophisticated treason, married infidelity or an adulter is a voluntary sexual intercourse between the face, which is married, and the face that is not her either his spouse or his wife. Sophisticated infidelity is considered to be the most common cause of conflicts in the family, which makes spouses to seek help from a psychologist. This is not surprising, since married infidelity is one of the most traumatic events that entails a huge amount of sharp experiences. In all cases, Ajulter is betrayal, but it is not necessary to part rightly. It is important to understand what exactly pushed your spouse or a spouse to treason and what exactly betrayed the traitor - himself, you or the principles.

Adulter in Islam

If representatives of the Christian religion and Judaism relate to the marital infidelity condescendingly, the representatives of Islam 100% are confident that the treason of one of the spouses is adultery and such people must be subjected to death. If committed adultery is married, then it is scored by stones to death. If the person who made adultery is not a legitimate spouse or his wife, then he is subjected to 100 shocks. The fact of marital infidelity is considered by a lawyer. In the process, not only changed, but at least 4 extraneous people who have a flawless reputation are involved. In the event that the testimony of witnesses for any reason is diverted, then they are subjected to corporal punishment. In this case, they are punished for perjury. Islam does not provide for the Samoye. It follows from this that the husband, having learned about the treason of his wife, is not the right to kill it. If a man tells about the love relationships of his wife, but at the same time will not give any evidence of this, then the punishment will be subjected to himself. It is important to note the fact that the death penalty is subject to even those lovers who are independently recognized in adultery.

Features of male and female infidelity

Modern specialists put forward several points of view on male and female infidelity. All of these points of view are based both from political correctness and from the newest trends of feminism, psycho-physiological features of floors, as well as from traditional morality. Numerous researchers argue that the adulter of men is less dangerous, since changed husbands most often do not go to their mistresses, as they do not want to create a new family. Consequently, they stay with their wives. As for the adulter of women, in this case the leading position occupies the emotional component. As a result, the destruction of the family is observed much more often. It is important to note the fact that the treason does not lead to an increase in the family, that is, men do not lead home children who appeared on the side, which cannot be said about women.

Types of marriage treason

Depending on the conditions of implementation, 3 types of marital infidelity can be distinguished, namely:
1. Casual extramarital contact: In this case, we are talking about a single case of treason, which is practically impossible to associate with one or another specific person. In most cases, such contact arises due to dissatisfaction with the needs of the sexual plan. In addition, the spouses who want to prove their sexual capacity to themselves for such contact;
2. Erotic sexual adventures or romantic relationships: In this case, on the face of extramarital sexy episodes, which plus are regular. The basis of such relations is the desire for a variety and receipt of new sexual experience;
3. Fornication: This is nothing more than treason, the distinctive features of which is considered to be the duration and occurrence of certain emotional attachment.

The reasons

The reasons that can push her husband or wife on treason, quite a lot. Right now your attention will be represented by the 17 most common ones.

Here are their list:
1. Random communication: In this case, we are talking about unintentional treason, that is, a wife or husband was not going to do this, but it all happened by itself;
2. Marriage crisis: If the marriage is characterized by a huge number of problems that are breeding spouses in a dead end, then one of them is solved on treason, in order to distract from all these troubles;
3. An attempt to find yourself: Sometimes the spouse either the spouse interfere with their second half to express itself as he or she wants it. At such moments, the third party is most often, in front of which you can be the one who is in fact;
4. Desire to warm marriage: Some people seem to be that if their husband or wife finds out about the connection on the side, it will only strengthen the relationship and make them passionate;
5. Can I like?: With age, this question is beginning to ask yourself both men and women. As a result, tolding the connection on the side, they manage to get an answer to this question;
6. Sexy panic: Often, the husband or wife felt that their sexual power began to fade. Being in a state of panic, they enter love to prove to themselves or to themselves that they remained as strong;

7. The desire to distract: Very often we are faced with the difficulties of life. Sometimes they seem so serious for us that we cannot solve the situation. At such moments we fully plunge into a romantic oasis, which is not connected with our family;
8. Revenge: angry on a spouse or spouse for the caused pain, you start relationships on the side to simply take revenge;
9. Let's kill relationships or resurrect them again: The meaning is to tell about treason, as a result of which the marriage collapses or becomes much stronger;
10. Middle age crisis: Such treason is quite rare, but in all cases they are a consequence of a marriage crisis;
11. The escape: You want to part with your husband or wife forever, but you do not know how to do it. It seems to you that the connection on the side will put an end to everything;
12. I just need an excuse: It is possible that it is not very honest, but you are so tired that you just need to somehow relax. In this case, treason helps to relax;
13. The desire to acquire the experience that you do not have: Before marriage, you could not know all the secrets of sex, so you simply need treason to become more experienced;
14. More expensive to sell myself: You develop all the time, but your spouse or spouse stands still. With the help of the extramarital coupling, you are trying to find a person for yourself who fits you by status much more;
15. Surrogate: You need some kind of help. It is possible that the relationship on the side is necessary for you to raise self-esteem;
16. Unrealized needs: You have certain requests, however, your second half for some reason does not want to fulfill them. In this case, the lover helps to implement your needs;
17. What if…: With the help of treason, you are trying to understand whether it is possible or not to get someone else with someone what you are so bad in marriage. And even if this is how much the difference is how it seemed to you.

Change - what does it sign?

Sophisticated infidelity most often at least about something, but signals. According to psychologists, in most cases, such treason are a signal of fascinated love. Most often, one of the spouses simply lacks the spirit to say the truth in the face, but to blame for the lack of love, of course, it is impossible. Often, treason indicates and for the presence of problems in relationships.
So, for example, if a man notices that his wife was distinguished from him, then he suddenly appears his attraction, let's say to the secretary. At the heart of this attraction never lies love. Deciding for such a treason, a man tries to cope with frustration in the first of all ( disorder of expectations). It is treason that it is considered to be a signal that the person has some internal problems. The list of such problems is huge. It can be both uncertainty in itself and unpreparedness to serious relationships, problems at work, etc.

Types of personalities who have a tendency to extramarital relations

Modern psychologists allocate both men's and women's types of personalities that have a tendency directly to extramarital relations.
Let's start with the female types, which are represented by the following options:

• Adventure lover: Such women are all the time in the search for anything that do not bind sexual relations in which they do not have to invest their soul. At home they are approximate wives, loving mothers and good owners. Such representatives of weak gender, all without exception love their husbands, but in bed can not find a common language with them;
• "Unmet": Such ladies can not find satisfaction in anything. They are not satisfied with their husband, nor their work, nor friends nor the situation. Very easily fall in love, which makes them feel the feeling of guilt all the time. Even in a relationship out of marriage, they become unnecessary for a rather short period of time. Their search for the perfect man continues all eternity;
• Seducer: Prefer to see crowds of fans around them. Sex with them does not satisfy them physically, but it is so that they manage to confirm their sexuality. Such women love only themselves and allow others to love them;
• Defenseless: Such ladies do not know the words "no". When someone else's man offers them sex, they simply do not know how to refuse him, therefore agree to the extramarital sex, which most often do not satisfy them.

As for the models of male extramarital behavior, in this case everything is much more complicated. Types of male personalities, which are prone to extramarital relations, much more.

Here are their list:

• "Collector": Such men are often called "women's catchers." The thing is that collectors do not teach women. They take everything that falls on their eyes, since all the time need variety and change. They like to brag about their victories, but it is important to note that all of them are very afraid of betrayal, as they are actually unsure of their personalities. In order for their beloved to not change them first, they themselves tie relations on the side and throw their wives;
• "Narcissus": This category of men is distinguished by self-love and self-examination. Any relations that they start needed by him solely for the sake of interest to their own person. Such men can only take. In return, do not give absolutely nothing. Not known to them and sense of empathy;
• "Top of the Triangle": Representatives of this type are the so-called fighters that are very happy when several women are fighting for their love. They change for no sex, love or a beautiful novel. Treason for them is a kind of war;
• "Don Juan": Noble Lovelas, who is obsessed with the desire to like all representatives of the opposite sex. Such men all the time in love with someone;
• "Always unsatisfied": Such a man is all the time in a state of uncertainty and doubt. His whole life is sheltered in search of true love, but he cannot find it, since he is not able to experience emotional affection. Ideal women, in his opinion, does not exist;
• "Prince": Such personalities need constant attention to their person. If the wife stops to appreciate them, they immediately appeal for help from extramarital connections, and they have several mistresses;
• "The Conqueror": The meaning of the love relationship of such men is to achieve the love of a woman who interests them in a certain period of their lives. This type of men find it easy, as they all use the word "I", which indicates that they brag about, in order to prove their advantages;
• "Misogynist": Such men hate women. The reason for such hatred is hidden in emotional injuries, obtained in childhood and due to fear of one or both parents;
• "Impulsive man": Such representatives of strong sex come into sexual relationships with many and all because they cannot resist the temptation. Most often we are talking about a socially immature person, which behaves like a small capricious child. If he liked the woman, he must certainly get her;
• "Male - Male": Such men marital status does not stop. They continue to walk and have fun with friends, to play with girls and, of course, sleep with them.

Socio-psychological features of the behavior of partners in extracurricular relations

The extramarital bonds are most often characterized by the following variants of behavioral reactions:

• "Searches for happiness": In most cases, there are observed in women who, already in adulthood, continue to remain unsatellation and immature personalities. As soon as their children become adults, they immediately switch to her husband and begin to ask him to diversify their lives, as they see if they are boring. Husbands most often do not understand what they need to do. As a result, the wife goes to search for a lover. Such women recognize their treason, however, they believe that this happened due to the fault of her husband;
• "Housewife's behavior": At the heart of such a progress lies, as a rule, fatigue from marriage, which was built on degrading relations. The extramarital relationship in such cases helps to distract from home routine;
• "Gambling": One of the spouses who changes, imagines that he plays a gambling game, providing for the "mining" of the opposite sex. The more victories, the higher the sense of own significance;
• "Notified": This behavior is characteristic of a randomly changered husband who does not want to part with his family. He does not support and accidentally communicate, as it realizes what he did wrong and wants to get rid of it as soon as possible;
• "Solid game": An exceptionally emotional and mature people play in such a game, who for one or another no reasons do not satisfy intimate relationships with his spouse or spouse.

Possible consequences of love hobbies

The consequences of love relationships on the side are quite a lot, and all of them are not very pleasant.

Here are the most common of them:

• treason destroys the integrity of the family, since directly affects the feelings of spouses;
• treason destroys household, emotional, economic relations, as well as relations between parents and children;
• treason is accompanied by a feeling of jealousy, which "kills" the second half from the inside;
• the extramarital connections affect the sense of personal dignity and honor, which makes bets yet and individually personal phenomenon;
• the treason becomes the cause of the strongest psychological injury, against the background of which they can develop both psychogenic depressions and aggressive states, apathy, etc.

Memory affects statistics

A huge number of representatives of the strong half of humanity adheres to the opinion that a safe married woman, who is fully satisfied with his marriage, is not able to succumb to temptations from an outsider man. They believe that only unmarried young girls are capable of random relationships, but the mature personalities will not go under any pretext. These beliefs confirm the science. Almost all psychotherapists are confident that representatives of weak gender for proximity is necessary as an independent location and emotional attachment, which cannot be said about men who are essentially good sex.

As for experienced psychotherapists, they are all convinced that the words of clients should not be completely trusted. The fact is that during the first visit to the psychotherapist, they reveal only the minimum amount of information, but then they can also find out all the secrets of their intimate life, and in the most smallest details. Often you can hear the words about the fact that they have sex solely for pleasure. From this we can conclude that your wives change their husbands as often as men make it. Just however, they do not reveal their secrets. Even if the novel on the side did not suit them, they immediately forget about him forever. If we talk about men, then it most often should be shouting about their adventures in all, as a result of which his wife learn about their treasures from them.

Treason through the eyes of men and women

Representatives of the strong half of humanity most often explain the sexual need. In most cases, such a need is not interconnected with spiritual or emotional parties to communicate. It is necessary exclusively for satisfaction, and the extramarital connection may be associated with both the employee for work and with a friend, friends of friends, etc.
Often, men change and at the moments of the temporary lack of their wives, that is, when their beloved leave for a business trip or to visit the parents. Quite often, the cause of the extramarital connection is the state of alcohol intoxication. Because of love for another woman, men begin to change only 10% out of 100. From this it follows that the role of love in the extramarital relationship is minimal.

Each 10th of men argues that he began to change his spouse exclusively from curiosity. Some go to this step in order to assert or take revenge on their second half. In all cases, such bonds are characterized by men as sexual, and not emotional. As for women's change, in this case, dissatisfaction with marriage is put forward in the first place. Since it is this reason that most often pushes women to treason, they are all trying to find a serious lover who could give them all that they are so lacking in marriage. If the extramarital relationship is tied by a woman, then they are most often accompanied by emotions.

Reactions of the deceived partner on marital infidelity

Having learned about the betrayal of the spouse or spouse, the deceived partner most often develops the strongest stress. It is worth noting that the second side is subjected to the stressful state, and, despite the fact that it was perfect for her. However, if the traitor finds an excuse very quickly, then suffer only to the deceived side. People in such a state themselves do not know what they do, so they are mistaken quite often. Survive treason really not easy. In this case, both behavioral and cognitive, as well as affective reactions predominate. In some cases, victims also have various combinations of such reactions. As for cognitive reactions, they manifest themselves in the desire to analyze the fact of treason. A person is trying to understand why this happened and who is to blame for this. It is clear that he wants to create an accurate picture of the event and trace his prehistory.

If we talk about affective reactions, then they are expressed in various emotional experiences. The person is experiencing fear, hatred, anger, despair, contempt, a sense of inferiority, etc. In addition, he knows that he loves and pays the hope that everything will be completed in the best possible way. And finally, behavioral reactions that are characterized by struggle or refusal. The deceived partner can immediately refuse his spouse or spouse or try to restore their relationship with any ways. You can retain a partner both with the help of threats and with the help of requests, blackmail or persuasion.

Types of treason reactions

According to the strength of the experience, the following types of reactions to treason are distinguished:

1. Active or aggressive reactions: Such reactions are inherent in strong volitional personalities who are looking for the information they need, do not hide their senses, they are trying to return the partner and constantly compete with the opponent or rival. They can also appear such a form of reaction as a complete break of relationships. In this case, the joint management of the economy is terminated and the spouse is placed before the fact of the inevitability of the divorce in the event that its extramarital connection will not be immediately interrupted. In most cases, it allows themselves to be partners who are practically independent of marriage. This approach forces the traitor to accept this or that solution. If the spouse is allowed to see children, then he most often chooses the extramarital relationship. If you can not see the children, then the man most often remains in the family.

2. Passive or defensive reactions: They are characteristic of weakly speakers who are not able to take any attempts that could affect family relationships. Such people are jealous within themselves, but they are afraid of everyone to say about it. The deceived partial partially stops communicating with the traitor. It limits both the manifestations of love and emotional manifestations, while continuing to share one bed and life with a traitor. The partner is imposed long ultimatum. So, for example, it will need to break the extramarital connection for six months or a year. All this time, talk about the existence of a lover or mistresses is not conducted. Information regarding foreign telecommunications is also ignored.

Intensity of experiences

Both the depth and duration of the experiences of the situation of treason are determined immediately by several factors. First of all, we are talking, of course, about the nature of the relationship with the marriage partner. In case the fact of treason has been identified against the background of serious conflicting relations in the family, then it is perceived as something due, namely, as a natural consequence of what is happening. If everything was smooth in the family, then the unexpected news becomes very deep and sharp experiences. The list of other factors, from which the intensity of the experiences directly depends, can be carried out by universal review, the frequency of such situations, the duration of insolvency of the situation, etc. The reaction to treason is determined by the features of sex psychology. So, for example, wives are psychologically more prepared for such news. As for men, they suffer much more, since such a "hit in the back" in most cases is a surprise to them. Foolish wives almost always want to look into the eyes of their rival, in order to evaluate it and compare with them, which cannot be said about the deceived husbands, which are very afraid of being face to face with her wife's lover.

How to punish your husband for treason?

Having learned that your husband has a different woman, do not hurry to immediately declare him about it, especially if you do not want to make your impeccable marriage. Leave this fact without attention, of course, meaningless. The culprit should be punished, and so that he thinks and wondered, and whether he did generally at all towards you and to your family life. Remember, punishment is not causing pain. In this case, the punishment is a developed behavior technique that will force a man to doubt the correctness of their actions. And now, with regard to directly punishment.

Here they are:

• Method number 1: "Punishment of love": Immediately, we note that this method is quite complicated, but in its effectiveness you can not doubt. He envisages the environment of your husband with care, love, attention and respect. It is love that he is waiting for himself. Feeling her, he will no longer want to look for someone the third. Moreover, he will begin to think, for which he is someone else's woman, if you have a nice, beautiful, kind and affectionate.
• Method number 2: "Punishment of Jealousy": This punishment will help you how to punish the traitor, and slightly warm the cooled feelings. Note that this method is quite dangerous, but the risk of using it is still worth it. It is necessary only after your favorite man fully will feel your care and love. The main thing is not to forget that only his fantasy should be based on jealousy, and not the facts that will confirm your infidelity. The facts that appeared only aggravate the general state of affairs, as a man will stop you trust. The situation should look like this: there is a reason, but to blame in fact nothing. It is your actions that should force it to be lost in guesses. If he asks you some kind of question, answer it ambiguous and then there will be more questions. Stay a woman in a mystery. Men love difficulties, you should not open all the cards in front of them.

Therapy of married infernity

As we have already spoken married infidelity, this is a crisis situation in marriage, which can be allowed only by 2 ways. In the first case, we are talking about divorce, but in the second - about the preservation of the marriage union. Without a doubt, the first thing that comes to the deceived woman or a deceived man is, of course, the divorce, but do not forget that such a decision is quite serious. Do not make rapid decisions. To begin with, we all thoroughly and think about it.
Do not forget that you can divorce at any time, but if there is another man or a woman with whom or with which you will feel the same happy, not considering this "situation". In this case, the only reasonable decision will try to save the family.

You can forget about treason and return to normal life. To do this, receive a consultation of a psychologist, who will tell you about how to act in order to fully restore the marital partnership. If we talk about behavior in communication, then in this case it is necessary to completely stop talking both about treason and about emotional manifestations, as well as mutual evaluation. Learn to maintain solely formal communication. As for sexual relations, they should be continued, especially if the desire is mutual. In the field of free time, it will be appropriate to establish open relationships and provide each other with the opportunity to have fun as you want it, and it is not necessary to do it together. In a personal plan, try to switch to something meaningful. It can be children, work, study. Sit, calmly talk, discuss all the problems, frankly tell about what it is not satisfied with you in a relationship.

You should not shy each other, because you are close people who need to understand the problems of your second half. Sincerity will definitely help you get calmness, and then you will understand that it is already very soon, everything will be much better than the previous one. Do not forget that you are not the only person who got such a blow to the back. There are millions of such people on Earth. Many of them managed to cope with this kind of problems.

Treason is the most severe test that the family can fall out, but it is this test that can make your family even stronger. The choice in any case remains yours.

According to the statistics of divorces every year becomes more and more. An increasing number of people, entering into a family union, are asked the same question - can I generally prevent marital treason?
Modern psychologists are 100% sure that it is possible to do it. Moreover, they offer certain methods for the prevention of married infidelity. In the first place, it is necessary to regularly be interested in both the life and the internal state of your second half. In no case do not refuse joint interests and spend alone as much time. In addition, it is important to continue to follow its appearance, and this applies to both women and men. Do not forget to maintain your shape, follow the hair, nails, face, breast, etc. Plus, psychologists recommend watching both by their character. Very often with age, our character changes not for the better.

If your favorite chose you for your kindness and optimism, it turns into an evil passive person, you can hardly be needed. In addition, you need to move back to the background and suspicion. Stop reading your email, sniffing his clothes, write pockets, scroll through the messages and lists of incoming and outgoing calls. It is categorically contraindicated and completely dissolved in a partner. You must remain a person who has its own opinion, its preferences, their desires and most importantly own dignity. If all this is not, it is already very soon you will become uninteresting. Well, of course, you should not adjust the partner for yourself. This, too, no good end. Do not force him to change the place of residence, throw your favorite work, etc. If your desires do not like him, then he will run away from you at the first convenient opportunity.

Conclusion

If you have ever changed, then you probably know how painful it is and painful. If you once changed, then you know this feeling of youth, pleasure and passion that covers you with every new novel. The paradox lies in the fact that there are neither right or guilty. Treason is a romantic trap in which we fall and then for a long time we cannot get out of it, causing the pain to a person whom we really love. Most often, only having been on both sides of Barricades, we understand what our partner feels.

What will happen to you if you learn that a loved person changed you?
Think about it at leisure ...

Before use, you must consult with a specialist.

The study of the actual extramarital behavior has shown that in most cases people expressing the opinion on the admissibility of change, adhere to this position in the behavior. However, the total coincidence does not occur: about every fifth of having extramarital bonds in principle condemns them, on the contrary, among the condemning part of them actually has.

Statistical information on the actual extramarital behavior is contradictory, as contradictory the social processes in the world. Approximately half of families at least one of the spouses changed at least once.

Treason and loyalty to the spouses: the reasons for married change

The motives of infidelity and marital treason treason are given different:
1) New Love: This reason is characteristic of marriages where love is insignificant or there is no reason (rational, rational or forced marriages based on the benefit, sense of loneliness

2) Retribution: - The desire to take revenge on married infidelity.

3) Devital love: - Lack of reciprocity, unrequency of feeling. Love search in another partnership where reciprocity is possible.
Sometimes a changing spouse itself does not like a new partner, but responds to his feeling.

4) The search for a new love experience is usually characteristic of marriage with significant experience, or it may be in families with such morality, when they seek to get everything possible from life.

5) Replenishment: - With the help of married infidelity trying
Fill the lack of love relationships - due to long-term separation, sickness of the spouse and other restrictions on the completeness of love in marriage.

6) Total disintegration of the family: treason - the actual result of creating a new family when the first is perceived as a non-visual.
(Psychological recommendations for the collapse of the family)
7) Random connection: - When the treason of spouses is not characterized by regularity and depth of experience (intoxication, persistence of a partner, "convenient case").

Motivation of married change in men and women
According to a sociological survey, men most often explain this sexual need. For the most part, this need that does not communicate with some emotional or spiritual parties to communicate, is satisfied with random, unfamiliar partners.

Of the same origin and sexual bonds provoked by the temporary lack of his wife - leaving for a business trip, on vacation, etc. Departure wife was regarded part of the respondents as a sufficient basis for searching for its interim replacement. The state of alcohol intoxication Many men considered the direct cause of the extramarital connection. However, it is more correct to regard it as contributing to this circumstance.

In third place (descending degree of importance) - love for another woman. This circumstance indicated one of ten men with an extramarital relationship. Thus, for men, the role of love as a motive of extramarital connections is small.

Each tenth of men who enter into extramarital connections moves curiosity. In some cases, men change during the quarrels with his wife, sorry, from the desire to take revenge and assert. Some of the respondents became, according to them, the "victim" of the perseverance of women.

The most large group consisted of those who did not answer the question, that is, could not or did not want to analyze what prompted them to infidelity and treason.

Most of the change of men takes place on the 14th year of marriage or for about this time, when the crisis date is approached - the fortiethlysis (37-39 years old is the most statistically likely age).

There is another point of view on the ratio of satisfaction with the marriage and the possibility (danger) of marital treason. Studying married relations, as it were, "from within", not with the help of questionnaires, and directly in psychotherapeutic work with married couples, psychologists concluded that the presence of certain depth needs of husbands and wives in marriage the deficit of whom very often pushing people on the path of betrayal. (See why wives change)

There are five basic needs for husbands and as much in wives, but these needs vary greatly. In an interesting fact, it is that with a shortage of at least one of these needs (for example, communication needs for women), a person constantly feel the injustice of such a state of affairs, and the possible source of support in the person of someone becomes a magnet, tightening him into the trap trap .

In men involved in a love relationship on the side, there is a danger of returning to the mistress even 5-6 years after the binding of communication. Harley recommends that his patients live with their former partners in different cities and, if possible, in different states, if they sincerely want to keep the family.

The experience of practical work D. Delis with family couples showed that there are certain features of the individual associated with a greater probability of married infidelity. They also discovered some patterns of the formation of the identity of the "changing spouse". The features of sexual behavior and the features of the person also indicated Eizenk.

Men's treason provoke: the pregnancy of his wife (he begins to feel incomparable, and the wife begins to be perceived as a mother), the birth of a child (the concentration of the mother on the child), the weight of his wife, exceeding the norm. According to various studies, American men, as well as Russian, characterize their treason to a greater extent as sexual than emotional.

Probably, a universal male trait is manifested. Men from betting keeping moral and ethical norms, as well as the fear of losing a woman who plays an important role in their lives, or the fear of the consequences that will affect their relationships.

There are several conflicting data on the impact of dissatisfaction with relations in marriage on the likelihood of change.
For men, this motive (perhaps as a motive, but not as the deep cause of treason) is not too significant: it was indicated only by 10% of the extramarital connections. The same was confirmed by the data on their behavior: among those who had extramarital bonds more than half were quite satisfied with the relationship in marriage. Those who entered into extramarital ties, being dissatisfied in marriage, as the main motives for this sexual dissatisfaction, indicated the lack of mutual feeling and inexperienced wife as a sexual partner.

Women's answers were very different from the answers of men. To the fore there were the fact that for men was purely secondary - dissatisfaction in marriage. The significance of this motive for women is confirmed by other data: among those who had extramarital bonds of women, only 1/3 were satisfied with the marriage, and 2/3 of unsatisfied.

Of the most satisfied with the marriage, women changed 1/4 women, from the average satisfied - 44%, from unsatisfied - 65%. It is quite consistent with this and much more significance of love for an extramarital partner as an extramarital communication motive: not gone in marriage looking for serious attachment in extramarital relationships.

Women change their husbands to satisfy their emotional needs, they draw their novels mainly in emotional, and not in sexual light.

The attractiveness of the married betrayal is connected in men with such a personal feature as dominance. The actual presence of a change negatively correlates with age: the younger interviewed, the more among them violate loyalty, and vice versa (in the age range from 19 to 35 years).

The study of the relationship of women to male infidelity showed that more disturbing and more responsible women negatively relate to the theoretical possibility of betrayal of the spouse. Dominacy and sociability (conformity) as the personal features of women are statistically significantly interrelated with theoretical tolerance for possible treasure of the spouse. Age interdependencies in women are similar to men: the older the respondents (in the range from 20 to 60 years), the more irreconcilable they treat treason, regarding it as immoral behavior.

It is noted that the trend towing is determined not only by sex instinct, but also by the usual desire of a person to find new experiences. This trend is observed in various areas of human activity, such as tourism (permanent search for new tourist routes bringing new knowledge and causing new impressions and emotions). In the sexual area, this is manifested by finding new partners.

The desire to change may be different. The larger the human life, the greater the desire to change.

Such properties of the personality also have the ability to tie contacts, courage and ability to dedicate. Indecisiveness, passivity and fear make it difficult to grasp. The preservation of patterns from this point of view depends not so much from the desire to control the manifestation of sexual instinct, as from the electoral control over the desire for changes and new impressions in the erotic sexual area.

Men tend to consider infidelity with absolutely normal phenomenon, justifying their polygamy in nature. A similar behavior manner is more characteristic of mentally unrequited persons who did not make a clear life position. The young men idealize, come through, can often be in search, wish to get excumbainable emotions, feelings, and the variability is justified to carry out youth fully, having tried what the soul wishes.

The relationship of mature male representatives are built perfectly on other values, treason is already a step, the staining confidence, the relationship between people who were in the marriage union for many years, they have something to appreciate, go on, remember, in the first place is respect; The concept of married infidelity extends more among the youth. The beautiful floor more painfully refers to this issue is harder to worry, for them it almost always indicates parting if they are going to such, most likely, are ready to sacrifice to all hurry for the sake of new relations.

The difference is that the ladies are less likely to go on spontaneous, sharp, rash deeds, if not to consider strong stressful situations, emotional voltage and hot temperament. A marital treason is disrespect for his choice, taste, a non-standard position, which makes the correctives, a turning point, but if this happens beyond the boundaries of the marriage, the sacred vow, it does not apply to a positive, nor to negative factors simply issues uncertainty, the search for the ideal Partner for yourself.

As a rule, husbands do not forgive, and wives - prefer to ignore (fear of loneliness, stereotype of a grievous female share).

Not always marital infidelity is characterized by past feelings, then what is it? What is argued by treason of a loved one?

• Implacated impulse, minute weakness, temptation;
• problems in family life, stress, depression, hunting distracting;
• short-term sympathy.

In principle, the reasons may be mass.

First of all, this is a problem of two, the reason must be sought together, and not engage in mutual charges.

It is necessary to live realities, take our shortcomings, the advantages, as a feature, be able to correct and improve. The main circumstance of the marital treason in a strong half of humanity is a lack of attention, dissatisfaction with the needs.

Guys want to see in their girls not only loving, gentle, caring mothers for future children, but also for themselves, including, it is impossible to forget about experiments (sex, appearance), to take into account the desires and needs, try to please and please. The ladies should also be preserved, pampering, to cherish, so that unnecessary thoughts do not creek, did not have to look for the missing qualities on the side. Some are ready to constantly endure humiliation, and others are not enough tone or look for third-party novels.

Each situation is individual, unique in its own way, but combines one question: what is treason in relationships? - lesson, testing for strength UZ, painful feeling of frustration carrying bitter experience. The right to an error has any, in modern youth more freedom of choice, no control and ridicule, they have the right to build a relationship as you like, but at the same time it is necessary to comply with decency, honesty, sincerity, not to overtake the boundaries permitted, thereby offended the honor and dignity of others.

Third party adultery is a couple of paire that it is time to make changes, sincerely talk, listen, make a joint decision on the future, subject to regret, repentance, complete confession of guilt, clear awareness of what happened.

You can forgive, but it is not worth sacrificing for the sake of an inappropriate person who is not valued, and on the contrary - not to allow an excessive pride, which is foolishly deprived of his native, cute soul. It is necessary to be able to divide on two even pain, despair, disappointment, glowing to be together, to reconcile, make joint decisions that, alas, do not constantly carry a joyful and favorable filling.

Read more about the problem

Everyone punishes itself, puts the framework, prohibitions. We are the creators of our fate and incorrectly give an unequivocal answer to any question, for example: what is real treason? - Maniacal jequices will begin to argue that it begins with thought, plan, lust.

Everything needs to be easier, consider only the presence and lack of actions, then repent, regret, recognize. If you always restrict yourself in everything, life will fly in vain torment. You should not brand yourself for each inappropriate picture scrolled in the head, love is not a virtual feeling, but a real, it is necessary to show it, respectively, and live according to the principles of mental harmony, calm, not causing evil, discomfort relatives.

It is important to find a similar person to familiarize themselves in order to get out, thought in one direction, could adapt to each other, look at things from the same point of view, because for some, change - a tragic event, and for others - ordinary, perceived as due. Infidelity is not only ruined, but sometimes it helps to gain a new, important outline of the values \u200b\u200bof experience, help change, avoid further errors. He teaches to strengthen, lose, rethink, say goodbye to unnecessary, to build first. What pushes to non-compliance with young oaths?

• Partner's behavior (permanent quarrels, resentment, lies, business trips);
• cooled feelings (incorrect perception of individuals, inability to lead to life);
• dissatisfaction (physical, emotional);
• the goal to raise self-esteem (more often associated with the age crisis).

The worst torture of human history can be associated with betrayal. For this not only expelled, scored stones, cut, but nothing could change the position, dissuasion, soften the sentence. Having lovers - a grave sin, which is rigidly punishable by individuals, is not accepted faith, but in our time more rights, opportunities, they can safely be implemented, incarnate.

There is an opinion that creating a family, the best qualities are brought up: loyalty, dedication, the ability to love, sacrifice the sake of others, but if you move away from such stereotypes, it will be quite possible to see individuals who advocate free relations without obligations, wish, only to fully satisfy Physiological needs.

Of course, no one promotes the permanent replacement of partners and disorderly sexual relations, but it is worth noting that such people live without hiding, they say as it is. They do not care about the opinion of others, it is honest both in relation to themselves and others, it is not necessary to force families to create, if the soul does not lie to this, then lie, also do not have to.

New love

In essence, betrayal is not only a violation of the oath, and the aunt before the second half, God, but to get to the bottom of the essence, you need to carefully try. Marriages are in heaven, but not in vain in the people they say that on all the will of God, nothing just happens.

The spouse is to make sure that he was guided by non-fleeting pleasure, it is not subject to an animal instinct, but sincere, the most real, bright feelings. The reasons for the change is not so much, as a rule, they concern women and men equally. How does the tune and a non-working person acquire a family, if he himself prefers to sit on the neck?

If there is no attention, caress, care, then you can not be accused of betrayal, everyone is looking for something that he does not have enough, especially when he cannot reach the heart of his beloved. Anyway, it should be sorted calmly, consciously come to the conclusions, to understand that you really feel. Of course, it is possible to meet new love, but on this duties will not disappear, the problems will not forget, they are not given to dissolve in the air.

"Fale for good" is used only if desired to preserve the family hearth, but new love has for the right of existence only under the condition of revelations, honesty, maximum truthfulness.

It makes no sense for condemnation, no one is insured against this, the main thing is to get out of the situation worthy. When treason starts, then the husband or wife understands that there are changes, the worst - not to know what to expect on, that's what a deception may turn around:

• children suffer, take an example from their parents;
• sin makes vulnerable to the whole family;
• quarrels, clarifying relationships;
• emotional breakdowns;
• bad karma.

Betrayal is the beginning of a new signal for change. It is important to live, as you want, but not at the cost of the offense, infringement of the rest. Having said the truth, you can save ourselves from most troubles. It is better to divorce than all my life suffers, the main thing is accuracy, loyal, individual approach.

Model behavior

The first is to pretend that no one noticed anything, to launch, live on, as if nothing happened.

The second is to figure out, discuss all the details, try to change, reassure, to protect themselves from the marriage process.

The third is to realize, take mistakes that there is no strength and make sense to forgive, terminate marriage, arrange your further future separately from each other.

The choice depends on the spouses, their character, temperament, experienced feelings and emotions, willingness to say goodbye, terminate the binding bonds, the decisive factor is the level of fellowship, behavior, repentance of the traitor.

How to survive?

Tests are given in order to overcome them. Naturally, the "knife in the back" is one of the worst sensations that can only feel on themselves, milestones built on trust are destroyed.

Ajulter is considered precisely under the word "loss", because it is obvious that even in the case of reconciliation, the former will not return anymore, so it is quite logical to experience pain, it is not necessary to restrain it. For example, at the beginning of the relationship, often subjected to the illusions of what woman is economic, kind, the man is brave, generous, but over time, knowing the joint life opens completely on the other hand, which can actually be provoked by third-party adultery.

Often, a devotee is looked at its aggression, he no longer feels, angry, is in a protracted depression, which lasts for years, emotions are consistently transferred from one stage to another since denial of fact - ending with its adoption. It is necessary to speak, take yourself to your loved one, find a new hobby, the main thing - to throw out emotions, sprinkle the insult, loss, survive, but by two or already a single one - another task!

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Last updated: 14.01.19

Sophisticated treason: what reasons, and how to get out of the situation

Sophisticated treason is a family business, a situation of two or "let everyone know"?

He changed me, she changed me, "some people are harbing, from these public confessions about their personal life.

Probably this is the case of every person, regardless of social status. Discuss or not discuss your intimate life in public.

So happens. Only, it should be noted that intimate, life ceases to be exactly then. When it becomes the property of others.

Love, treason, jealousy. It would seem that earthly, well-known concepts. However, the abstract and real components of these concepts are very wide and vague.

This requires constant definitions and clarifications, when using these words. Otherwise, we may not understand at all, or it is incorrectly understood.

Sophisticated treason, what is it, in fact?

In the broadest sense, treason:

- This is a fact of a violation of a certain, announced or adopted by default, the obligations of the subject in relation to the other side.

Where the subject can be both a separate person and a group of people or the official structure (for example, a state).

In our case, married treason is, when one of two people violates its obligations towards another.

Husband, wife, sweetheart, sexual partner.

What commitments? Store loyalty. That is, not to enter into such a relationship.

What relationships? Love, sexy, family.

This gradation of relations is very important. Because it determines the "composition of the crime", and the measure of the guilt of the traitor.

Which moves to the marital treason, and what contributes to it

Sophisticated treason, Cause: It is easy to do - Easy to change

The life of each person is updated - we live here and now.

The psyche works on the reflection of the current reality (no matter how perceived is adequately or inadequate).

The strongest and vivid emotions are also a momentary character.

Only consciousness, having memory and imagination, can live past and future.

Man, therefore, it happens very hard to resist the temptations and temptations. When here they are, in front of you, to last hand and get.

Most of married change and occurs, due to the ease with which they can be made. The circumstances under which this lightness appears, many.

The essence is one: your partner is free from you - your presence. And your opportunity to learn about where he and what.

Separate rest, long-term, incomprehensible beams from home, strange business trips and trips to the cottage.

All this, if it happens with your permission, nothing else like provocatives with married treason of your partner.

And in general, if this happens, this is a sure sign of the preparing or already existing marital treason.

Of course, and speeches cannot be about total control, distrust, surveillance, suspicion. And, especially, unreasonable jealousy.

But, nevertheless, a good principle is effective here: "Trust, but check."

Sophisticated treason because of curiosity

The most common and everyday cause of married change.

Treason for this reason, men and women do almost the same.

We are curious, a journal for new sensations. What can you do with this?

There is one feature here. Married betrayal is committed not because a person is missing something in his constant partner.

The trainee wants to experience a new one - curious how to do it with another.

Or check the quality of permanent relationship, by comparing with other relationships.

Here and justification is ready: "How would I find out that she (he) is better if it did not change (changed)?".

What can be preventive measures?

As a rule, not experienced, "unguided" partners are resorted to such treason.

Conclusion one:

If you take into partners of such a person. The chances of his marital treason increase repeatedly.

Many of these marital treasures perceive (and quite fairly), like children's pranks. Compared to "adults" treason.

Marriage

Often married treason of partner is perceived so emotionally, mentally, morally and even physically hard.

That in the head of the "victim" matches the plan of the vestibule. Treason for treason.

Some psychologists consider this way to react to marital treasies, quite adequate and even useful.

And, then, the woman begins to feel the newly welcome, her self-esteem rises, the stimulus appears to live.

The woman herself who changed his partner himself, to change his partner, cease to look at the treason of her husband, as on the tragedy.

But, you need your partner to never know about your treason. Perceive it as psychotherapy.

This advice and its poverty, are not very indisputable.

If only because revenge, by itself, has never been considered a positive productive way to solve the problem.

Faster everything, for experiences about the marital treason, you will add a negative from your treason. Decide and do (or not to do) to you.