Hyper-custody conflicts with the mother. Overprotective parenting of an adult daughter

29.06.2019

Parents are obliged to take care of their children, protect them and protect them. However, sometimes adults greatly exaggerate their own role in the life of maturing children. They begin to overprotect them. This parenting style is called overprotection. It is based on the desire of parents to satisfy not only the child's urgent needs, but also imaginary ones. It uses strict controls.

In most cases, overprotection is observed on the part of mothers. This behavior greatly harms her sons and daughters. Boys are especially affected by this. "Mother-hen" prevents them from gaining independence, deprives them of purposefulness and responsibility.

If a woman strives to do all the work for the child, makes decisions for him, constantly controls, then this hinders the development of the baby's personality, does not allow him to become a full-fledged person who is capable of self-service, taking care of himself and loved ones.

Yes, and mother deprives herself of many joys, spending time not at all on what is actually worth doing. The son is unlikely to be able to please her with his achievements, because he will get used to being led and without initiative.

Thus, overprotection leads to the following consequences:

1. problems in determining one's place in life;
2. notoriety, constant uncertainty, fear of taking responsibility and making decisions;
3. endless search for one's own vocation;
4. problems with personal life, lack of family relationships;
5. inability to serve oneself;
6. inability to communicate with other people, resolve conflicts;
7. low self-esteem, self-doubt.

At the same time, mothers rarely realize that they are behaving incorrectly, which has a very negative effect on the boy.

Why does overprotection occur?

When the baby is just starting to get acquainted with the outside world, the desire of parents to protect him from all troubles is fully justified. We're not talking about hyperbole here. At the age of three, adults should give the child more freedom so that he learns to be independent. If strict control is maintained at a later age, then the manifestation of overprotection is obvious.

What are the reasons for its appearance? Firstly, parents can try to “fill the void” in life through the baby, satisfy personal needs, feel significant and needed. So they want to be realized if other ways for this have not been found, or they have been unsuccessful.

Secondly, sometimes it can happen that adults, with their excessive care, try to drown out true feelings - hostility towards the child. Children are not always born at the mutual desire of the parents, some have a negative attitude towards their appearance. But then they begin to fear that their rejection may negatively affect their daughter or son, leading to sad consequences. To hide remorse, adults "hide" their disappointment deep in the subconscious, replacing it with overprotection.

Thirdly, total control is a habit for moms and dads that they can’t get rid of. Parents who take care of the baby from its first days continue to behave in this way even when the children grow up.

Adults must understand that a child is a separate person who must have his own desires, requirements, dreams.

To become successful members of society in the future, they need to accumulate their experience, develop personal qualities, and be able to make decisions. Parents still will not be able to live forever, so the children will sooner or later have to live on their own. And without prior preparation, it will be extremely difficult.

How to get rid of overprotection

Striking a balance between inattention and overprotectiveness is not always easy to find. It is more difficult for families where there is only one baby, and they do not plan a second. However, it is necessary to correct your behavior in order not to render the baby a disservice.

How to "change the wrong direction"? To do this, you need to remember a few nuances:

1. First you need to realize that overprotection is bad for children. It will not make them happy, successful, purposeful, confident. On the contrary, it will deprive it of everything. Parents are obliged to imagine how their child will live in the future, if he cannot do without outside help. To achieve the independence of the child should be gradually, and not in one day to move him away from himself.

2. If adults realized the fallacy of their actions only when the son or daughter had already reached adolescence, then there is no need to continue to build a high wall of endless prohibitions around them. Parental control causes only conflicts and misunderstandings in the family.

3. It is more correct to communicate with the child “on an equal footing”, to establish a warm relationship based on trust. It is necessary not only to be unobtrusively interested in their life, but also to share your concerns, consult, ask for opinions on certain issues. However, you should not demand from the child adult responsibility for their actions. It should be independent, but within reasonable limits.

4. Each person learns more effectively from his own mistakes than from the experience of others. Therefore, there is nothing to worry about if sometimes the baby will make mistakes, experience bitterness or disappointment. This is quite natural, and sometimes even useful.

Adults should allow the child to live their own life, experiencing both joys and sorrows.

Proper relationship building

Sometimes being a lazy mom is better than a mother hen. After all, then the child will definitely not become helpless and weak. If everything is done for him, then he will be absolutely not adapted to adult realities. And if it is important for a girl to be completely independent and independent, but not so important, then in a boy it is necessary to form the makings of a real man from childhood. In the future, he will have to be responsible not only for himself, but also for his family, wife, children, and other relatives.

It is not recommended to express constant criticism of the child. Sometimes he needs guidance on the true path, explanations and help, and not boring moralizing. The kid will understand that they do not scold him every time, but they understand and help, they expect independence.

You can’t first blame the baby for scattered toys or a torn button, and then eliminate the consequences of his pranks on your own. It is better to express dissatisfaction with the behavior of a son or daughter by instructing them to eliminate the results of leprosy. Let them not succeed the first time, but then there will be no desire to commit wrong actions again.

Reaching a conscious age, children, especially boys, will feel their differences from independent peers. If the second one succeeds in many things and trifles easily, then the "mama's sons" cannot cope even with elementary duties. And this leads to the rooting of feelings of inferiority.

Thus, parental overprotection greatly harms children, and does not benefit them. This must be recognized and taken into account in education. The consequences of excessive care negatively affect the development of the child. It should form responsibility and independence, and not nurture a person unprepared for adult realities.

He, she and ... mother

Nastya and Vadik had a lot of fun together. After all mother was the third member of the family Vadik. Mom lived in her apartment, but this woman is so active that it seems as if she is always there.

It all started, as Nastya says, a few years ago, when she first met Vadik:

On the third month of our relationship, I received a dress as a gift from his mother. She did not give it personally, but passed it on through her son. The thing was expensive and very suitable for me, so I liked the gift. And I wore it with pleasure until the moment I came to meet Natalya Vasilievna. She smiled and said that she liked me, and there was no need to worry. She also bought me a dress then, because she was afraid that her son's bride would not be able to dress with taste, and you would not show such a daughter-in-law to decent people. And so - everything is in order.

Natalya Vasilievna could unexpectedly arrive on the morning of the weekend to his son with a whole bag of marinated kebabs and "pull" everyone into nature. And try to refuse: Children, your mother asks you!". She always criticizes the clothes that Nastya buys for her husband. But the last straw was daughter-in-law's pregnancy reaction:

Why didn't you consult me? I would not recommend giving birth. Can't you see the crisis in the country right now?

Such remark his own son could not stand it and culturally asked his mother to interfere a little less in their family affairs with Nastya. Natalya Vasilievna was offended and stopped coming at all ... Little Timofey is already slowly learning to sit, and his grandmother only recently saw him for the first time.

Tales for parents

Are you going to drink wine there? - Parents strictly asked my friend Nadia, when she was spinning in front of a mirror in a red evening dress, going to girlfriend's wedding. Nadia, I must say, a little over twenty. And alcohol is allowed even by law.

I just don’t understand what things need to be said to my mom and dad so that they at least loosen their control a little, the girl is sometimes indignant. - I did almost perfect daughter: I didn’t bother them with night walks and a difficult transitional age, at the university I’m one of the best, I try to come to them as often as possible. What's the matter?

Nadia lives and studies in another city, but this does not save her from almost hourly calls with questions where the daughter is now, where she is going and how much money she plans to spend. When there is a showdown and the daughter's attempt to defend her "autonomy", the parents explain the desire to control concern for the well-being of the girl, and now and then they throw phrases that " as long as you live on our money, you must obey". And also - when it doesn’t turn out the way they want, they begin to reproach their daughter and say, that by her behavior she will soon completely deprive them of their health.

Cut off contact with parents, find a job and move to live with your beloved - such thoughts are now increasingly spinning in Nadia's head:

Mom and dad love me very much, I know about it, but to believe that the phrase “ parents do not allow”, friends and acquaintances stubbornly do not want. Someone is offended, and someone laughs at me.

It is impossible and impossible for mom and dad to be aware of your life as much as they knew it when you still weighed fifteen kilograms. This conclusion Nadia made for herself. And while trying to stick to it. And about how she spent the day and how she lives, more and more new stories are invented.

forty year old child

Opposite the windows of one of the apartments where I had to live, there was a balcony of rather strange neighbors. In the cold season, it was covered with thick dark curtains and, apparently, insulated with whatever was possible. When the first fine days came, a little nimble old woman appeared on the balcony. She took down the curtains and put flowers on display.

In the summer it was quite warm outside. The balcony was opened, and from there it was heard:

Vale-raa! Go eat!

Or something like:

Stop watching TV! You'll ruin your eyes.

At first it seemed to me that the old woman was being “thrown” for the summer naughty little grandson, behind which they only guard, so that he doesn’t do anything, until one day he went out onto the balcony man in his forties, some strange, a little slow, and began to water the geraniums.

Mum! Is half a watering can enough for a large pot?

Valera! I already said: I kiss you!

This is how it became clear that Valera is a very adult son who lives with his elderly mother.

A friend of my landlady just lived in the same entrance as them. As it turned out, Valery is with his mother - The only son. And so it was all my life. His father died thirty years ago. So it turned out that only Valery remained with her mother, who chose the profession on her recommendation, and met with girls only those that her mother likes. As a result, he experienced all the benefits of the life of an “eternal child”.

I laughed at Valera only once. When he was smoking on the balcony, and, having heard a voice from the room, like a schoolboy, he threw the burning cigarette down. In all other cases, the situation did not seem funny at all.

Anna HARUSTOVICH.

A group of American scientists led by Larry Nelson found that parental control, regardless of whether it is associated with love and affection for their offspring, seriously harms them. Its consequences are low self-esteem and a propensity for risky behavior. The results of the study were published in the journal Emerging Adulthood.

Consequences of super control

The researchers recruited 438 students studying at four different universities. Data such as the academic performance of boys and girls, their self-esteem, risk appetite, as well as the level of parental control and the amount of warmth that they received from their parents in childhood were compared (the latter parameter took into account how much time parents spent with children and whether they confidential conversations with their children).

It turned out that those who were overprotective of their parents during childhood and adolescence had low self-esteem, and they were also more likely to abuse alcohol, drugs and other things that lead to self-destruction.

The most deplorable situation was for those whom their parents "drilled" while not showing them enough attention and warmth.

Discipline instead of love

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At first glance, it seems that increased parental control is a sign of love for children. But in reality, children and adolescents who are overly controlled often feel lonely and unloved. Adults can monitor their every step, for example, demand that they do not stay late after school, do their homework on time, observe strict discipline with proper nutrition and exercise, report in detail on spending pocket money, and so on. Parents usually explain all this by sincere concern for the child, by the fact that they want him to grow up as a normal person ...

When the child grows up and gets out of control, it often indulges in all serious. He allows himself something that was previously impossible under any guise: alcohol, drugs, sex "without brakes" ... If parents forced them to eat right, a boy or girl can get involved in fast food, beer, all kinds of harmful products ... In a word, grown-up children get what were deprived when dependent on their parents. Meanwhile, they often have problems with self-esteem, as many of them were told in childhood that they were bad, stupid, awkward, losers ... And this was firmly planted in their heads.

Smother with overprotection

But even if a child was sincerely loved, this does not mean that he will grow up as a full-fledged personality. The fact is that sometimes parents, especially mothers, literally strangle their offspring with their love. They do not allow the maturing child to take a step on their own, solve all the problems for him and make any decisions instead of them - which sections to go to, which university to enter and whom to marry ... Yes, the onset of maturity does not save from overprotection. Mom carefully monitors what an adult son or daughter eats, what he wears, who he meets ... As soon as he stays with friends for a couple of hours, nervous calls to his mobile begin: "Where are you? When will you be?" And all in the same spirit.

You can recognize a parent prone to overprotectiveness by the way he talks about his children. In relation to even an adult offspring, he likes to use the word "child". It is also characterized by expressions: "We went to college", "We got a job", "We played a wedding."

How will a child who is overprotected out of love grow up? Most likely, he will be dependent and, breaking away from his parents, will begin an unconscious search for a new guardian - a friend or lover who will take responsibility for him. If it is not possible to break away from the parents, he will consult with them on every occasion. He will certainly have problems with making independent decisions.

Although it is possible that the "sissy" or "daddy's daughter" will start to rebel - they will try to leave home and live their own "separate" life. But out of a sense of contradiction, they can mess things up in full...

"We thought there was something positive about overprotective parenting, but we didn't find it," said study leader Larry Nelson. He and his colleagues believe that adolescents and young people undoubtedly need support and care from their parents, but they should not be "protected" from independence.

It would seem that there is nothing better than the care of mom and dad, except for them, no one in the world can be closer and more expensive. But it turns out that parental love is sometimes very much and even excessive. It interferes with living a fulfilling life, sometimes causing a depressing feeling of guilt and regret.

There are a lot of reasons for parental overprotection:

1. Lack of attention in childhood. Not having received full parental attention in childhood, many grow up with a lack of love and care. The instinct of parental care fails, and hence the constant control and guardianship of their children, the desire to give them as much love as possible.

2. Non-realization. It is very difficult to realize that what you once dreamed about in your youth did not come true and remained behind the curtain of the past. There is only one way out of this situation - to insist and force your children to realize their dream. Leading along the path of achieving what you want and instructing at the same time is the goal of life, according to parents. Only they can give valuable advice to their child, so the constant suggestion: “You are still so stupid, but your parents know how to do it” will accompany you all your life.

3. Guilt before the child. Life is sometimes so unpredictable that, due to some circumstances, a mother could feel negative towards her baby, maybe even not yet born. The constant feeling of guilt on a subconscious level pushes her to a special manifestation of love and tenderness. Hyper-custody becomes a companion for many years, now no one can accuse her of being a bad parent.

4. The need for constant attention and recognition. That's who really poses a threat to the psychological comfort of their children: ambitious and domineering parents, striving to raise a genius no matter what. Every step and movement, word and action is controlled especially carefully. Basically, such guardianship is in the nature of a demonstration and window dressing for others.

5. Fear of loneliness. This is a common problem in single parent, single child families. A mother who has devoted her whole life to raising a child is very afraid to break this connection. When a son or daughter grows up, she begins to feel panic attacks of loneliness and abandonment. Mom no longer has such influence and authority, and in fact the child no longer needs her. This provokes her to take extreme measures, she is ready to do anything to stay in the child's life: tantrums, lectures, scandals, resentment - all in order for the child to remain under her control and guardianship.

Consequences of overprotective parenting

It is not necessary that the victim of parental overprotection will remain unhappy for life. Many take this quite calmly, create their own families and do not experience any difficulties in communication.

But these are few victims of parental love. Most of the grown-up children are daily subjected to emotional pressure from their parents. The consequences of such care and attention are sad:

Lack of autonomy and decision making;

Because of the fear of repeating the situation (projection of mother's behavior onto wife)

Constant dependence on someone else's opinion;

Lack of adaptation to life changes;

Lack of self-esteem and a statement.

How to get rid of overprotective parents?

How to start a new life and not offend your dear parents? Undoubtedly, all their care and attention come from a pure heart. Sometimes they do not even notice that they are taking care of their children too intrusively and immensely.

1. One way to get out of parental custody is to have an open and honest conversation. Without shouting, mutual claims and scandals. Perhaps the parents themselves do not suspect how much they take care of their already adult child and interfere in his personal life and space. The conversation will help to define the limits of permissibility in caring.

2. Openness to parents is another step towards getting rid of guardianship. It is quite understandable that parents ask so many questions only because they do not know at all what and how their adult child lives. It is not necessary to inform all the little things of your personal life, it is enough to give a little information about your plans for the future and tell what is happening in life today.

3. Replay the history of relationships and exercise control over the parents themselves. Start calling yourself to find out about plans and mood, be more interested in business and well-being - “prevent” sudden questions, calls and visits.

4. Inform about trips, business trips or just long walks. Parents will be calm. It is quite possible that the information that the children will give in doses about their lives will be enough for them.

5. Employment and financial independence will define a certain boundary between parents and children. Successes and achievements at work will help parents come to terms with the idea that the child is an adult and does not need constant care.

6. Moving to another area or even a city will not leave a chance for parents to patronize and load with their love. To avoid hourly telephone instructions, arrange a time to communicate with parents in advance.

Leaving or separating from your beloved parents does not mean abandoning them. Parents will always be mentors, teachers, doctors, even if their child is well over 30. Most often, their excessive love and care manifest themselves completely unconsciously. Or maybe someone will conclude: as long as the parents are alive and take care of us as best they can, then this is happiness.

It's not easy to explain to people that overprotection can be a real problem. Few people understand this, because somehow it is not good to complain about "very strong love." But in fact, this is a problem and often a very big one. What effect does parental overprotection have on children? And how do you get rid of overprotection? We will try to answer these and other questions in this article.

How it is, to live in the overprotection of the mother is impossible to imagine for someone who has not experienced it. And this whole article will sound strange and biased for those people who were deprived of maternal love in childhood. Of course, it is really very difficult for an orphan or a person deprived of mother's attention to live in this world. But this is a completely different story and this article is not on this topic. This article is dedicated to everyone who grew up (or maybe continues to live right now) in the overprotection of their mother. Read below about the psychological consequences of this phenomenon for the child, as well as how to live before, during and after overprotection.

Overprotection through the eyes of a child, teenager and adult

Too restless and caring mother is not very alarming for the surrounding adults. Although from the outside she looks somewhat annoying, but at the same time, everyone understands that this is nothing more than love for her child. Can love hurt anyone? On the contrary, it seems to us that she is a magnificent, the best mother in the world.

But is it? What does child overprotection look like? Little and grown up. Let's look at the situation through his eyes, but first let's look at what general feelings connect a mother and a child.
Everyone knows that little children love their parents very much. But what is "love"? Is it the same as to a loved one or to the homeland? Or maybe it is similar to the love of delicious soup? No, a child's love for his parents is special, unlike any other feeling. This is a special attachment, so to speak, some psychological dependence. This feeling is based on a very important subconscious feeling: security in the world. Childhood is carefree precisely because of this feeling of absence of threats - you have hearty food, a roof over your head, warm clothes, interesting toys, as well as love and affection. And where all this comes from, the child does not care at all - it does not even occur to him to think about it.

In childhood, it seems to any child that his dad is the strongest in the world, and his mother is the kindest. This is a completely normal feeling. But a child is a separate person and growing up, he begins to feel his own desires, his own characteristics. He has his own character and his own worldview. And very soon the child begins to understand that mom and dad are people who give him a lot, but also prohibit a lot, restrict freedom, teach, force him to do what he doesn’t want to. There is no such child in the world who, as he grows up, more and more would not like to quickly become an adult himself, to choose for himself what to do and what not to do. And when the transitional age begins, the child begins to try - to take responsibility for his own life. That is, he begins to try to provide himself with the same sense of security that his parents gave him.

Parents, while the child is small, parents try to instill in him the maximum number of positive qualities that he will then apply in adulthood. As long as a child is dependent on parents, they can influence him - and only on understanding his own child, it depends on how developed and realized a person he grows up. Someone does it better, and someone hangs their own complexes and problems on their children. But, one way or another, the formation of a new person occurs precisely at the end of the transitional age - approximately, at 17-19 years old. And everything that his parents managed to teach him during his childhood, he begins to apply in life.

What happens in a family where there is parental overprotection? Mom really loves the child very much and is constantly in a state of concern about him, his health. From the outside it may seem that she is thinking about his desires. But it's not. She is ahead of his desires, preventing him from developing. They buy toys for him before he deserves them. He is bestowed with affection and care more than he needs. And of course, the child likes it, especially at a young age. But what does this lead to?

Mom, with her overprotectiveness, really deprives the child of the pressure of the landscape, that is, shortages. Simply put, it protects him from mistakes. At first glance, this is wonderful, but if you look at the situation more closely, the opposite is true. To understand that the floor is hard and the fire is hot, a small child needs to knock down his knee and get the first burn in his life. To understand what true friendship, first love, evil betrayal is, you need to find your first friend, even at 3 years old, fall in love for the first time, even at 6 years old, and also feel the betrayal by a loved one, albeit in 10 years. All this is accompanied by an experience, but these are the experiences of the child, which should be in his life. He must weep bitterly and rejoice, he must experience everything, even if it is sometimes painful and unpleasant.

And in the conditions of parental overprotection, this is simply impossible: no one will let you fall and break your knee, and then cry bitterly over it. Mom vigilantly watches that the child is not very hungry - and feeds even before he has time to form a feeling of hunger. Mom cleans the room herself, she will wash his clothes after the child. She does not even think of teaching him all these skills - she is pleased to do this job. How can he live his life afterwards? Such a mother, as a rule, does not think about this for the time being.

The absence of problems, obstacles - this is a real disaster. Own desires do not develop, the child does not learn anything. And nature is not as generous as it seems, and all people have a limited time for this work - until the end of adolescence. In adulthood, we already simply realize ourselves, develop intellectually, but much will already be lost forever.

How is life for children under hyper-custody? Differently. Depending on their vectors, such a child begins to live under hyper-custody in the way he succeeds. Some children already at a young age begin to get very sick, using their mother's attention like a drug, more and more tying her to themselves. They understand that they can truly use their illnesses and solve their problems. For example, you can not go to kindergarten, my mother will regret it if I cry. Also, then you can avoid school - after all, you can study at home, with mommy. The child does not realize that adulthood will soon come and it will be very difficult for him. For this, he needs a mother who, despite his tantrums and illnesses, will be able to make him live a full life.

When I was little, of course, I did not know that my mother was overprotective of me. For me, she was completely normal, and I loved her very much.

One of the first memories of my childhood: being quite a baby, I chased a squirrel and moved to another yard, where I immediately made friends with some girl. We braided her doll's pigtails and chatted about our own, girlish. And now I’m returning to my own yard - my mother runs to meet me, she cries bitterly, falls on her knees in front of me and kisses my hands. She smiles happily and says "Oh-oh-oh, you're alive, what happiness, but I thought something terrible happened." I understand that she loves me very much and is very happy to see me. But I understand that now I can demand anything from my mother - otherwise, because I can get lost. I was a very cunning child and often used my mother's impressionability.

As a teenager, I began to infuriate her overprotectiveness. I remember I went to a music school, and almost always my mother was waiting for me at the bus stop. She came early and was often cold or wet in the rain, she was like a lost puppy that looks plaintively into the eyes. She felt guilty that she met me, already an adult 15-year-old "dylda", a head taller than her. I had to restrain my irritation and answer through gritted teeth that it was okay that she met me.

In my student years, I just felt ashamed of my mother and her behavior. I've never hidden where I'm going. I always warned when I would return. I always left the landline phone of the friends I went to (then there were no mobile phones). But I didn’t have time to reach my destination, when my mother was already ringing this number: “How is your daughter? She arrived normally, didn’t she? as soon as it arrives!" But, without waiting for a call, after 10 minutes she called again, asking if I had already arrived. And so on until I called back about the arrival. By the way, later she always apologized and said that she understood that she was disgracing me, but she could not help herself.

Not all children take advantage of overprotection. Others - in response to overprotection - become aggressive and try with all their might to get away from the parent, which leads to severe stress for all participants in the situation. Still others become completely weak-willed and remain infantile for life. Isn't it true that "mommy's son" is a positive description for a baby, but as they grow older, it also becomes a negative characteristic, presenting a 40-year-old man as a real weak-willed "tyutu".

A person who grew up under the influence of parental overprotection always has psychological problems. Larger or smaller. But if you grew up under the yoke of overprotection or are still under it, please read the following paragraphs - perhaps they will help you understand your parents, your mother.

Overprotection is a curse for a child, a curse for a mother

Overprotection has all the signs of overprotection of a child. As a rule, it begins immediately with the birth of the baby, and, unfortunately, does not end even when the children grow up.
No matter how surprising it may sound for a child who grew up in overprotection, but in fact, for a mother, her own condition becomes very great suffering. And women with a certain combination of vectors always suffer from this syndrome - anal and visual. To the strong maternal instinct that appears in them at the birth of a child, a sense of emotional attachment in the visual vector is added. And if the latter is realized not in compassion, but in constant fear for the child, she turns into a super-caring mother, whose overprotection becomes an obsessive action.

Constant anxiety, annoying thoughts about the tragedy that come to mind by themselves - fears torment her. Gradually, it is the fears for the child that turn the life of such a person into a real, pitch hell. Of course, in early childhood, when the child is constantly in sight, at home, under his own wing, this is not felt that way. But as soon as he disappears from sight, subconscious questions immediately begin: what if something happened? What if you got into an accident? And suddenly hooligans beat? And suddenly, suddenly, suddenly? But every year he leaves for an increasing period: first to school, then to circles and friends, and later - generally seeks to leave home. And every time, this anxiety, fear for his life - it's like an itch that cannot be gotten rid of.

I remember when my brother was 13 years old, he went to karate classes and did not return at the set time. Mom got worried, dad and I calmed her down - probably just the bus broke down or something like that. But an hour passed, and the brother was not there. It was getting dark quickly outside, my mother was rushing around the apartment, not finding a place for herself. She said that her legs became cottony and the state began, as if you were losing consciousness. She was afraid, and her fear was animal. When her brother did not come and two hours later, she got dressed and ran to the bus stop, but after 10 minutes she returned to find out if he had come, if they had missed each other. He was absent. Mom screamed at dad, wringing her hands, forced him to run somewhere, too, to look for his brother. I was small and I was also dressed in a hurry so as not to be left at home alone. We rushed through the dark streets. I was scared, it seemed that the corpse of my brother should lie behind the nearest bush, because my mother constantly, non-stop lamented that something had happened to him, a tragedy had occurred. When 4 hours passed, at 8 pm, we returned home exhausted. Mom wanted to run to the police, but dad said that there were no reasons yet.

Then my mother ran out into the corridor. The doors remained open and I heard her sobbing in the elevator - she was kneeling, hugging the elevator doors and saying through the lifeless doors "please bring him ... please bring him .... please bring him ..." She already there were no tears, and the skin was as pale as transparent. This is a very scary memory from my childhood, when I thought that my mother was dying.

My brother came at 9 pm as if nothing had happened. He just sat up with friends, as he explained his lateness. By the way, 9 pm was the time after which he was not allowed to return home, so he arrived on time.

Every time the child returns home, alive and well, the anal-visual mother, who has the overprotective syndrome, experiences real relief, happiness. She never beats her child, does not punish, even if he is guilty. On the contrary, she rushes to him, kisses him, thanks him for being alive. She does it as unconsciously as she had been worried up to this point.

Parental overprotection is a very difficult condition, a real curse. Not only for the child, but also for the parent himself. In a state of overprotection, love for a child is just a cover. In fact, a parent is afraid for himself, because he understands that the loss of a child will be too big a loss for him, which he will not survive. This condition, with which a person cannot cope on his own, is a real psychological illness that cannot be blamed or reproached for.

What to do about parental overprotection? How to get rid of overprotection?

We do not choose where and when we are born. We don't choose our parents. But parents do not choose what they should be, what they should feel in relation to the child. A parent just wants to give his child a good life, but, unfortunately, sometimes he does it stupidly and clumsily, and maybe even harms.

A person who grew up under his mother's overprotection most likely has some psychological problems. But almost always it can be fixed. Likewise, a mother who is raising children and suffering from overprotective syndrome can get rid of this. Today there is a wonderful training on system-vector psychology by Yuri Burlan, where each person can understand the root causes, the psychology of their actions, and therefore - of their whole life. If you grew up in parental overprotection, be sure to come to the training, and also bring your parents - it will be very interesting and informative, and will change your relationship. The introductory part of the lectures is absolutely free and available to everyone at