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How to forget a bad situation. How to get rid of the past: advice from psychologists

There are enough problems and difficulties in life that we have
decide every day, and for joy there is not always time and
strength. But at the same time, each of us has our own past unsuccessful
or even violent situations that can poison
life.

If in the past happened divorce, he will definitely play his part
in a new love. If you ever Got fired, you still have a long time
you will be nervous at every complaint from your superiors. If
had a hard time earning bread and not enough money, you
make up your mind on an expensive purchase yet.

The most difficult situations include loss of loved ones, accidents and disasters, serious illnesses and addictions, including close people. Here you cannot do without the help of a specialist, but many bad memories can be erased from memory on your own.

Method 1. Memory diary

Whatever one may say, but there are stories that cannot be forgotten at all. Due to the fact that a lot of time was spent on them, people dear to us took part in them, and in general - it was in our life, and she is alone. But you can separate all this from the present and return as if you watched a movie, where the hero is similar to you, but a different person.

Set aside a separate time for suffering about the past. You can describe your feelings in a special file or blog and allow yourself any anger, bitterness, tears and sadness. Experiencing it heartily, you will soon lose interest in old stories, because it is impossible to watch the same film every day and not get bored.

Method 2. Ritual of farewell

On the Maslenitsa holiday, we see off the cold and long winter in order to meet the joy and freshness of spring. In life, there are the same cold and inhospitable periods, and you can and should say goodbye to them for the sake of beauty in the future.

To say goodbye to the bad forever, you need collect all that you are terribly tired of- you can do this symbolically by putting in a box photos of your ex-husband, cheap things that you had to wear due to lack of money (even if you are still afraid to buy something decent), employment contracts from your old job, and other reminders. Leave it all in a visible place and visit your old life with the understanding that it is in the past.

Method 3. Substitution of events

No, this does not mean that you should deceive yourself and convince that nothing was wrong. But it happens that we remember a difficult story only because it is the most vivid memory. This is really a property of memory. Nevertheless, in reality, only this creepy picture remained from her.

You need a different story, just as bright, but positive. To do this, you will have to try, achieve a difficult goal with a vivid result (buy a car, sit on a twine, make a crazy repair), in general, to do something extraordinary for yourself. Does such a person want to remember some old failures - he already has something to be proud of and something to rejoice at in his new life.

Method 4. Stop lights

We return to the old, because we want to replay it again - not to make mistakes, to finish that we didn’t say, to correct something - in a word, to live the same story again. However, the very attempt to find yourself in a difficult situation again seems strange.

The problem is that we consider ourselves to be guilty of those terrible events and cannot realize that and bad things happen to good people. Should I return to them? What is lived is lived, and we behaved as we could at that moment. Sometimes it is enough just to stop yourself in the place where you wanted to suffer the past. Come up with conditioned signals for yourself - pinch, spit over your shoulder, say something out loud.

Method 5. Real return

Closing the page and ending the story sometimes helps if allow yourself to go back to where it is impossible to return... The forbidden fruit is sweet and we are drawn to the bad past, because it is so sad to think that time cannot be turned in the other direction.

Make sure the sadness isn't worth it. Call your ex-husband and understand that he is the person you divorced, not the one you fell in love with. Interview your former colleagues and they will immediately tell you that things have only gotten worse since you got fired. It's good that all this is already in your past.

Method 6. Final analysis

You have to be a mentally prepared person for this method or use it in conjunction with some other. Farewell to the past essentially occurs at the moment when you calmly accept everything that happened to you, not as a horror and a nightmare, and even more so not as a cross that you must bear, but as an event that has explanations and which gave you experience.

Everyone is filling their own bumps, but in other words, without our past, we would not be who we are, and a bad past does not make you worse, but for sure can do better - smarter, more experienced, stronger, kinder and softer, or, conversely, more stable in order to protect yourself. Accept and love yourself again- this is what it means to live in the present moment and rejoice in it without looking back at the bad past.

Sometimes we experience events or situations that we then want to forget or at least not remember. Erasing painful, unpleasant, and unwanted memories is not so difficult if you fill your life with new emotions and learn to suppress memories from the past. The following instructions will help you start living a fulfilling life, freed from the burden of memories.

Steps

Suppression of memories

  1. Choose the memory you want to forget. Before suppressing a memory, you need to determine which memory is causing you inconvenience. Perhaps this memory is causing you emotional pain, for example, if it is associated with the death of a loved one or a specific moment of separation from a partner, which makes you sad. Remember the following memory details:

    • People who were present at this
    • The setting of the memory
    • Feelings you experienced at that moment
    • Emotional feelings associated with remembering

  2. Determine what the memory that affected you is. Remember specific details that you would like to forget.

    • Although you may not be able to forget about the existence of your ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend, you can forget specific dates, events and sensory memories. The smell of a specific perfume, mention of a place or TV show that your partner liked can all provoke unpleasant associations. Write down the specific details on a piece of paper.
    • If you went through certain traumatic experiences in high school, make a list of people who, for example, made fun of your name, specific places that make you sad, or other sensory details such as the smell of the dining room, changing room, or gym.

  3. Think about these specific details while doing something enjoyable. You can take the classic steps to improve your own physical condition and start associating bad memories with good memories. Create a stimulus for pleasure by thinking about how you were laughed at during school days, or about the mental discomfort you felt when you separated from your loved one, listening to soothing music, taking a bath with scented candles, or drinking champagne and orange juice on your doorstep at summer time.

    • Your job is to make painful memories less bitter. For example, you refuse to eat pumpkin pie because your parents split up for Thanksgiving, but you won't be able to cope with painful memories unless you learn to associate them with something relaxing, enjoyable, and enjoyable.
    • In addition, some experts recommend listening to white noises at high volumes to drown out memories, rather than associating them with something pleasant. Turn on a jammed radio or other white noise generators and mentally immerse yourself in painful memories.

  4. Erase the memory. Special rituals also help to cope with memories. Rituals help to change the way we think about things and cope with experiences. Imagine a memorable action “destroying” the memory in your mind. You can think of a particular memory as a snapshot that you light on fire. Imagine this picture in every detail: the edges of the picture curl from the fire and turn black, after which they crumble, and the flame moves towards the middle of the picture until it all turns to ash.

    • It sounds like a cheap trick, but in fact it is a symbolic action that will help you mentally get rid of the memory if you begin to treat it as something that was, but passed, burned out.
    • Try to imagine everything in a different way. Imagine the bully making fun of you like a car sinking in a pond, or a freight train falling into a narrow, deep ravine.

  5. Go for hypnosis. If you are easily hypnotized, this remedy can help you fight unwanted memories. Hypnosis induces a very relaxed state in which people are more receptive to suggestion. Unfortunately, not everyone can be hypnotized, and even those susceptible to hypnosis have only a short-term effect. If you would like to try this remedy, find a professional hypnotist in your area. But be prepared for the fact that this is far from a quick solution to the problem, and you will not be able to erase unpleasant memories from your memory forever.

    Replacement memories

    1. Find something fun to do. The easiest and wisest way to get rid of past memories is to experience new emotions. Even if you don't do things that are directly related to unpleasant memories, forming new memories can help you get the past out of your head.

      • Start a new hobby
      • Read many new books and watch many new films
      • Look for a new job
      • Consider moving to a new apartment or new home

    2. Get rid of annoying factors. Research has shown that certain objects or photographs have a stimulating effect on memory. Therefore, it is in your best interest to remove such objects and photographs away from you, which will help you in the fight against unpleasant memories. To remove objects from sight, you need to completely transform your home or even move to another city and start a new life.

      • Throw away your ex-boyfriend's belongings, including photos, clothes, and even furniture. Get rid of the gifts he gave you. Even if you have positive feelings about an object or photograph, they are intertwined in your mind with the memories you are trying to forget.

    3. Fill your mind with memories that have similar effects on you. Research has shown that it is possible to remove memories from memory by replacing them with new ones. Take the opportunity to experience new feelings similar to those you have experienced before, but want to forget. Your mind will begin to interweave and associate these memories, and you will not be able to remember the past with accuracy, because you will replace memories of the past with completely new, albeit similar experiences. For example:

      • If you want to forget that unfortunate trip to San Francisco, try a similar trip. Visit San Jose, Oakland, Palo Alto, Los Angeles, or Santa Cruz. Buy new T-shirts, take pictures on the beach and visit new restaurants in these cities to get rid of the memories of San Francisco.
      • If you can't forget your ex-boyfriend's cologne, head to a perfume store. Smell all men's colognes, filling your mind with new sensations and scents.
      • Go on dates. Meeting new people will help create new memories and forget the past.
    • To get rid of obsessive thoughts, you need to replace them with other thoughts and start thinking about something else that will make you feel better.
    • Try to close your eyes and start meditating, presenting everything that happened to you from a different angle. For example, if you want to forget a memory in which you experienced shame, during meditation you need to imagine that you are in your memory, but behave differently, as you should have behaved at that moment.
    • Meditate while listening to soothing music. Just concentrate on the memory. You will likely find it difficult to stay calm if the memory hurts you, but the most important thing here is to calm down and not get angry. After half an hour or so, you will feel that this memory no longer bothers you. It doesn't mean anything to you anymore.
    • In the fight against memories, listening to audiobooks and active concentration on the events described helps. Choose something that is unobtrusive but interesting and distracting. This method is simple but very effective.
    • Be patient. Each method will take a certain amount of time and will require repeating the process to be successful. Don't be discouraged if it doesn't work the first time, but keep trying. If necessary, seek help from a specialist.

In the life of every person there have been periods that I would like to erase from memory. Some, despite all the difficulties, pull themselves together and move to a new level, only occasionally remembering the shocks that have occurred, others cannot constantly think about the past, thereby depriving themselves of the chance to be happy in the present and future. It doesn't matter what burden of the past haunts you: parting with your loved one, missed opportunities, death of loved ones, betrayal of friends, feelings of guilt ... Now is the time to forget the past forever and start living in the present. How to stop living in the past?

Not thinking about the past: why doesn't it let us go?

Many people ask the question: why some people, having experienced very serious shocks and trials, recover quickly enough and start a new life, while others fall into a long-term depression and cannot stop living in the past after the unsuccessful completion of a two-month romance?

Psychology can give answers to this, here a lot depends on the age, the atmosphere in which a person lived in childhood, on the type of character and personality. And, even if you consider yourself to be a weak type, who takes any life trials close to your heart, it does not mean at all that you are not able to cope on your own and not think about the past.

Most often, we cannot forget the past and live in the present, as we feel our guilt for the current situation, we are tormented by the thought that we could have acted differently - and thereby change the ending ...

... Sometimes the past does not allow us to forget about ourselves, because we do not let go of past grievances, we believe that we were treated unfairly.

Our bad memories are like a suitcase full of useless junk, which we habitually carry with us everywhere ... Do you need such a load?

... And sometimes it is impossible to forget the past and live in the present because we like this state of self-pity, we are not ready to change, grow, we are comfortable sitting in our shell, cherishing our grief, shutting ourselves off from the whole world around us. Here is such masochism. How to change the situation and start enjoying life again?

How to forget the past and start living in the present: 5 steps to a happy life

Healing from old wounds is a difficult and often long process, but whatever lies behind our shoulders, each of us can stop living in the past. Here are the steps to help you get rid of your worries forever:

1. First step- Realize that the past is the past, that it is the thoughts about it that interfere with fully living in the present, planning the future. Of course, this is not easy, but you really want to breathe deeply again, do you?

2. Step two- sorry. Now it doesn't matter who is to blame for what happened in the past, and who hurt you: you or hurt you. It is impossible to turn back time, everything has already been done, and your current suffering will not change the fact. Mentally ask for forgiveness or forgive, you can go to church. If you have offended a person and you know how to contact him, you can call and apologize. And that's all. Turn the page. People have the right to make mistakes: you and your loved ones are no exception. If you think that what you did earlier is too serious or you have no one to apologize to, switch to caring for others. You cannot change what happened, but you can help others and make their lives better. Volunteering in orphanages, nursing homes or animal shelters - think in this direction.

3. Step three- don't be sorry. Regretting lost opportunities, wasted time, broken relationships is a road to nowhere. Regret, as well as self-pity, are generally extremely destructive feelings. Try to look at the situation from a different point of view: you have gained experience, you have learned from your mistakes, you will no longer allow this situation to happen again in your life. And you know what else? Suffering and constantly pitying yourself, you destroy not only your life, but also the life of your loved ones, who find it hard to see you in such a state. Don't you feel sorry for them?


Remind yourself often that our life goes in only one direction - to the future, nothing can be turned back. Thinking about what could have been is useless

4. Step four- reboot. If the pain is still fresh, you are bursting with negative emotions from within, do not try to be strong, allow yourself one day to scream, cry, break a cup in the end. You can go to the gym and beat a punching bag furiously. Throw the pain out - this will make it easier to forget the past and start living in the present.

5. Step five- replacement rule. Think about how much time and energy you waste on nothing - not letting go of past grievances and feeling sorry for yourself. Instead, you could change for the better. For starters, you can go to the salon, change your hair color, get a manicure, radically change your image, or search in the end. Sign up for driving courses, learning a foreign language, handicrafts. And most importantly, go in for sports. Perfectly eliminates unnecessary yoga thoughts. If you have new interests and hobbies in your life, there will simply be no room for regret and thoughts about the burden of the past.

In general, it seems to me that one of the most effective ways to forget the past- to clear the physical space around you:, to conduct (read where p has led me), to arrange little things like books and ... Having let go of things from a past life, you physically feel how life is changing!

Getting rid of the burden of the past and letting go of past grievances is much easier than you now think, the main thing is to start acting right now. In less than a few days, you will be drawn into a new, happy and interesting life.

Unpleasant episodes in life cannot be avoided. Some events haunt us for many years. Returning mentally to the past, we replay in our head the pages of our yesterday’s life, long past, experiencing mental pain. Because happy moments are erased from memory quite quickly, but unpleasant ones come back again and again. Why it happens? How to forget the past and learn to enjoy the present, is it possible to start life from scratch?

Groundhog Day

Happy events are a kind of crown of our affairs and concerns. The return of a loved one from a dangerous business trip puts an end to our worries about his life. A marriage proposal becomes the best answer to emotional doubts and worries. A person's subconscious mind regards such events as complete, to which there is no point in returning anymore. But the pages of our life, which at a subconscious level are perceived as unfinished, our memory constantly turns over.

The feeling of guilt in front of the person whom you undeservedly offended, the resentment towards the one who offended your feelings, the loss of a loved one whom you disliked (and such a feeling almost always arises when a loved one leaves the life) - all this requires a logical conclusion. It is not always possible to receive forgiveness or forgiveness, to receive explanations, to say everything unsaid in real life.

But our subconscious is constantly trying to give us a chance to do this, recalling the past, as if on purpose, highlighting in the present everything that looks like an unfinished episode from yesterday: similar people, similar objects, similar words, similar chains of events. As a result, our life turns into a kind of "Groundhog Day", from which there is no way out to the present and the future.

Experiencing negative emotions from day to day due to memories of the past, which cannot be changed, we poison the present, deprive ourselves of the future. But trying to forget something, we, on the contrary, only remember it better. Asking himself how to forget the past, someone or something, a person already remembers it a priori. It turns out a vicious circle. But you can break it.

Convert the past into a regular archive

What do you think about turning your past into a set of “was and was” archival records? This is possible thanks to a unique system. Tens of thousands of people have already found freedom from the burden of the past and began to live in the present. It was thanks to.

To use it, you only need to be able to read and write. But its most important charm is the speed and stability of the results. This system uses, usually idle, resources of the subconscious and directs them to gain freedom not only from the past, but also:

  • from negative reactions (anger, irritability, anxiety, jealousy, etc.)
  • from addictions (alcohol, cigarettes, drugs, internet addiction, etc.)
  • from complexes (I'm not beautiful, I have crooked legs, etc.)
  • limiting beliefs (I can't, I will never get rich, etc.)
  • and other mental garbage

Psychological techniques for forgetting the past

How, then, can we forget the past, if trying to do it on purpose, we only revive it in our memory? In fact, there are several effective psychological techniques for forgetting, of which you can find one that suits almost everyone.

  • Photo collage

Imagine a wall - it will be the canvas of your life. Mentally hang on it color photographs, which capture the most significant episodes: the birth of a child, graduation from school, victory in the competition, top five, successful finish, completion of a successful project, victory of the child at the Olympiad, and so on. Add to them photos of daily events that your life is full of: delicious meals, walks in the park, fishing with friends, gatherings with friends. In the corner, attach a black and white photo of the episode that saddens you. Walk around from the wall: you will be amazed at how bright and colorful your life is and an insignificant place in it is occupied by the event that excites you. Imagine your future life, paste pictures from the expected future on an imaginary wall. Fill the wall with color photographs until the black and white is almost completely lost.

  • Film

It is recommended to use this technique only if the wound is not too fresh. It consists in scrolling a negative episode in the imagination, imagining that this is a silent black and white movie. Imagine yourself sitting in a cinema, hear the audience laughing. Try to look at what happened as something funny, not worthy of much attention on your part.

  • Dianetics

The technique that this science offers seems to be elementary: you just need to mentally replay the traumatic event in your head, listening to the emotions. You need to experience an unpleasant episode so many times in a row until it stops causing at least some emotions. Despite the simplicity of the method, it most often works. In any case, you can try - there will be no harm.

  • Revaluation

The positive moments, as already mentioned, our subconsciousness erases from memory, and the negative ones are carefully stored. Many events are actually neutral, their color depends mainly on our assessment of them. Downsizing at work can be perceived as both negative and positive. If you think of it as the loss of your only source of income, humiliation, underestimation of your abilities, then the memories of this event will torment you indefinitely. If we regard this moment as the opening of new prospects, the opportunity to work for oneself or find a place where you will be appreciated, then you can start life from a new point, thinking about the future.

This technique will help you forget the person you want to leave behind. Parting isn't always a bad thing. Remember, did you always feel good together? Did they value you, did they take care of you? It is possible that there is someone with whom you will be truly happy. Don't look at yourself like you've been dumped. Consider that you have been released. Your life is just beginning. You are standing at an open door, behind which new acquaintances, new emotions await you.

When people answer the question of how to forget about the past, they often answer that they knock out a wedge with a wedge. You should not take this advice literally, although in the event of the loss of a lover, finding a more worthy gentleman can heal wounds. But there is a healthy grain in this recommendation, regardless of whether you forget someone or something. Other emotions can help drive out strong negative emotions associated with the past. Set new goals for yourself that require a lot of dedication to achieve. Outline a plan of pleasant and useful things so that there is not a single line for bad memories in it: meeting with friends, going out into nature, traveling, implementing creative plans. Emotions associated with negative episodes from the past will gradually fade away. In other words, you can not wait until the past is forgotten in order to start a new life, but, on the contrary, live in a new way - and forget about the past.

  • Forgiveness

The inability to forget the past is often associated with feelings of guilt or, on the contrary, resentment. Try to forgive yourself or others (as appropriate). Forgiveness is a point, and completed situations, as mentioned above, are erased from memory by themselves. By putting an end to your past life, you will open the way for yourself to a new one. After all, the end and the beginning, as the sages say, often converge in one place.

Whatever technique is chosen (and they can be combined, even used all at once), you can help yourself to forget the past if you remove all material “portals” to the past: and send it by mail, with a courier), do not visit the places where the unpleasant episode occurred (if your wallet was stolen in one of the supermarkets, make purchases in another store for some time). These recommendations can be easily followed. It would be even better to completely change the environment at least for a while - for example, go on a trip.
Forgetting the past is not an easy mental work. But for the sake of the future and happiness in the present, it is worth working hard.