Larry King

HOW TO TALK TO ANYONE, ANYWHERE, ANYWHERE

our team

No book is published through the efforts of the authors alone. We interviewed and wrote the text, but the contribution of other members of our team was no less significant. For this we express our gratitude to them, in particular:

Peter Ginn, our editor at Crown Publishers in New York;

Judy Thomas, Larry's assistant and co-producer of the CNN talk show Larry King Live;

Maggie Simpson, director of communications for Larry King Live;

Pat Piper, who for many years produced The Larry King Show on the Mutual Broadcasting System radio station;

Stacey Wolfe, Larry's agent, who actually made this book possible;

Russell Galen, the literary agent who helped Bill Gilbert get his books published for years.

Introduction

We all need to speak

Which would you rather jump out of a plane without a parachute or be at a table at a dinner party next to a stranger?

If you chose the first answer, don't despair. You are far from alone. We have to talk every day, but there are many situations where it is very difficult, as well as circumstances in which we could act better. The road to success, whether at home or professionally, is paved with conversation, and if you lack the confidence to communicate, the road can be bumpy.

To make this road smoother, I wrote my book. For thirty-eight years now, as conversation, conversation, communication - my daily bread, during the radio - and television programs I had to talk with a variety of people - from Mikhail Gorbachev to Michael Jordan. In addition, I regularly speak to a fairly diverse audience - from sheriffs to merchants. Next, I will tell you about how, in my opinion, you should talk - whether it be with one person or with a hundred.

For me, talking is the main joy in life, my favorite pastime. Here is one of my earliest memories of my Brooklyn childhood: standing on the corner of Eighty-sixth Street and Bay Parkway and loudly announcing the brands of cars passing by. I was then seven years old. My friends called me the Mouthpiece, since then I have not stopped talking.

My best friend of those years, Herb Cohen (who is still my best friend), remembers cheering for the Dodgers at Ebbets Field. I sat in cheap seats away from everyone, took a program and began to "comment" on the game. Then I came home and told my friends about the last match in all details - I'm not joking: exactly like that, in all details. Herb likes to remember now: “If the match at Ebbets Field that Larry saw lasted two hours and ten minutes, so did Larry’s story about this match.” I remember Herbie and I first met in the principal's office when we were both ten years old. When I entered the office, Herbie was already there. Now we can’t remember in any way why we were sent there, but both are inclined to believe that it was most likely for talking in class.

And yet, with all my love to talk, I perfectly understand why some people feel uncomfortable during a conversation. They are afraid to say the wrong thing or the wrong thing. One writer remarked: “It is better to be silent and be suspected of stupidity than to open your mouth and immediately dispel all doubts on this subject.” When talking to a stranger or speaking in front of a large audience, such fears increase many times over.

I hope my book will help you get rid of these fears. I was convinced of one thing: with the right approach, you can talk to anyone. After reading this book, you will be able to confidently enter into any conversation and learn how to effectively communicate your message to others in a business conversation. You will become better at speaking, and with great pleasure.

The book you're about to read has a wealth of information on the subject, along with advice on how to speak in a variety of situations, from your cousin's wedding to a high society dinner or speaking at a Parent Teacher Association meeting. I will tell you about the experience of those whom I interviewed on the air, and about my experience, which, as you will see, was acquired by me in very difficult conditions.

Speech is the most important form of communication, it is speech that distinguishes people from animals. It is estimated that a person speaks about eighteen thousand words every day, and I have no doubt that this figure is correct (in my case, it should probably be increased). So why don't we try to develop our conversational abilities and get the most out of them? Let's start right now. Turn the page - and forward.

Hey Herbie, listen to me!

Larry King

Fundamentals of Success in Conversation

Honesty

The right approach

interest in the interlocutor

Frankness

Talking is like playing golf, driving a car, or running a store: the more you do it, the better it comes out and the more fun it is. But first you need to learn the basic principles.

In the art of speaking, I was fortunate enough to achieve some success. Perhaps that is why you, reading this book, think to yourself: “Well, of course, he can say that talking is a pleasure. He does it well."

Of course, the propensity to talk was laid in me by nature, but even those who have natural abilities have to work to develop them. This is how talent turns into skill. Ted Williams, the greatest baseball player I have ever seen, a man more naturally gifted than any of my contemporaries, trained as well as the average player. Nature endowed Luciano Pavarotti with an amazing voice, and yet he took vocal lessons.

I have a tendency to talk in my blood, but I also had many cases when the conversation did not go well.

My infamous debut

If thirty-seven years ago you were next to me in the radio studio and were present at my first broadcast, you would certainly be ready to bet anything that I would not be able to hold on to anything, much less succeed in the spoken genre.

It happened in Miami Beach on the morning of May 1, 1957, at a small WAHR radio station across from the First Street police station just off Washington Street. For the past three weeks, I've been roaming the premises, hoping to fulfill my dream of breaking into the air. CEO Marshall Simmonds told me that he likes my voice (another circumstance that I had no control over), but now they say there are no vacancies. This didn't discourage me. I was ready to wait as long as necessary, which I told the director. To this, he replied, they say, it’s good, if I’m always at hand, he will take me to the first vacancy that opens.

I had just arrived in Miami Beach from Brooklyn, and I knew that before my big chance came, I could live in an apartment with Uncle Jack and his wife, from where I could walk to the radio station. I didn’t have a cent in my pocket, and in general I didn’t have anything, except for a roof over my head, but every day I went to the radio station and watched how disc jockeys work on the air, how announcers talk about the latest news as a sports commentator acquaints listeners with the news of sports life.

Holding my breath, for the first time in my life, I watched with my own eyes how fresh news reports from the AP and UPI agencies arrived on the teletype. I myself wrote a few short notes in the hope that they will be useful to one of the commentators. So three weeks passed, and suddenly the host of the morning program quit. On Friday, Marshall called me into his office and told me that from Monday he was hiring me for this job at fifty-five dollars a week. I'll be on the air weekdays from nine to twelve. In the afternoon I will read the latest news and sports news, and my working day will end at five o'clock.

My dream has come true! I had to work on the radio and broadcast a three-hour program in the morning; Plus, I'll be going on the air six times a day. That means my total airtime will be the same as Arthur Godfrey, the superstar of the famous national commercial broadcaster CBS!

I hope there is no need to introduce Larry King, and his ability to carry on a conversation, like the famous suspenders, is known to many. Just finished reading his wonderful book.

The book not only describes the techniques of conducting small talk, but also touches on a large number of related topics where Larry shares his invaluable experience.

Below the cut are a few excerpts that I especially liked. Recommended.

My fb2 reader now has bookmark support, thanks to which I can share interesting episodes with my readers.

Everything written below is quotes of the most interesting chapters in my opinion:

THE ART OF SELLING

When talking with a buyer, one more important rule should be observed: focus on the benefits of the product, and not on its features.

Don't talk about the fact that your toaster has such a smart little microchip that provides a toasty crust under any conditions. Talk about how wonderful it would be to sit down to breakfast with a cup of coffee and a golden English muffin.

Do not explain what premiums and payments are due under the terms of the insurance policy. Tell the client about the confidence in the future that he will feel, and about how grateful his wife and children will be to him, having learned that the cornerstone of their financial well-being has been laid by the father of the family.

JOB INTERVIEWS

What is the best way to sell yourself

The most important product you will ever have to sell is yourself, so do it right.

Selling yourself - making a good impression in a job interview, performing your duties in such a way that you get a promotion, interacting with other companies in a way that will become more attractive to them, and as a result, get promoted and earn more - this is your main task in sale.

Anyone working in business has to go through this at least a few times during their career.

Since I myself have been in similar situations more than once, I have developed for myself four fundamental rules that must be followed. They helped me and maybe they can help you too:

1. Show potential employers what you can do for them.
2. Be as open as possible.
3. Come prepared.
4. Ask questions.

THE BOYSCOUT PRINCIPLE

The second key to becoming a good public speaker is to follow the Boy Scout motto "Be ready!". If, as I just suggested, you are speaking on a familiar topic, preparing the speech itself will not be difficult.

It will be easier for you to organize your thoughts, and it will be more effective if you follow this simple structure for speeches:

1. Tell them what you are going to say.
2. Tell them so
3. Tell them what you just talked about.

If you explain to the audience at the very beginning what you are getting at, it will make it easier for the listeners to follow your idea in the main part of the speech. In conclusion, try to summarize its most important ideas in slightly different words than those used at the beginning.

How to conduct business negotiations

With many other talents, my friend Herb Cohen also specializes in business negotiations. He spends two hundred days a year on the road, running errands for America's largest corporations. His book Let's Make a Deal! stayed on The New York Times bestseller list for nine months and was a bestseller in Australia for three years! For Presidents Carter and Reagan, he was an adviser on the fight against terrorism. In short, Herbie knows how to negotiate.

His first major success came as a teenager, when we were finishing ninth grade at Bensonhurst Junior High and preparing to move on to high school at Lafayette High. This, one might say, is a classic example of how, even in an unfavorable situation for you, you can turn a quite possible defeat into a victory if you negotiate from a position of strength.

Our trio—Herb Cohen, Brazzy Abbate, and myself—had a classmate, Jill Mermelyptein, nicknamed Mop, whose thick mop of red hair looked like a mop. One day, when we learned that Shvabrik's parents had suddenly taken Shvabrik to Arizona because he had tuberculosis, we decided to notify the school. However, Gerb had an idea: to say that Shvabrik didn't leave, but died, to raise money for flowers and spend it on hot dogs and lemonade at Nathan's cafe, our favorite haunt.

Unfortunately, our plan was even too successful. After the headmaster called Shvabrik at home and discovered that his phone was actually switched off, the school began to mourn inconsolably for Shvabrik, and the money we received was enough for a whole feast at Nathan's. However, the matter did not end there. The director of the school, Dr. Irving Cohen (not a relative, but only the namesake of Herb), decided to establish the Gilbert Mermelstein Memorial Award, which was to be presented annually to the best students, and set us as an example to others because we honored his memory with our fundraising.

Unfortunately, Shvabrik, in the most literal sense, appeared at his own funeral. On that same day, hour and minute, when Dr. Cohen was breaking into a nightingale at a general meeting of students about the memory of Shvabrik and how well done we were that we decided to honor her, the imaginary dead man appeared in the assembly hall. He, thank God, was much better, and he wanted to register for the fall semester.

Herbie jumps to his feet, clasps his hands like a mouthpiece and, turning around, yells: “Mop! Get away home! You died!" Our classmates were dumbfounded at first, and then burst out laughing. However, Dr. Cohen was not laughing. What followed was what any teenager can only dream about in a nightmare, but then there was a triumph of negotiations.

Dr. Cohen calls us into the office and says:

“All three of you are out. You will not see a certificate - neither this year, nor in the future, nor in any subsequent ... You have done the most disgusting thing that I have ever seen in my many years of work at school.

As Brazzie and I contemplate the joys of living with a wolf ticket, Herbie goes on the offensive. He says to the director:

- Wait a minute, Doc. You are about to make a terrible mistake.

- I'm sorry, what?

“If you do as you are told, your career is over.

Dr. Cohen asks:

- What do you mean? The coat of arms continues:

“Okay, we won’t get a diploma… but what about you?” - and delivers a decisive blow: - If you expel us, there will be an investigation. And during the investigation ... the question will arise: why did you take the word of three thirteen-year-old boys who said that someone had died. Why didn't you check their post?

“We checked,” Dr. Cohen counters.

- Really, doc? Herbie continues, still brazenly referring to a Ph.D. as a doc. - You made a single phone call and were told that the phone was switched off. And based on that phone call, you wrote in someone's file: "Dead"? After all, we do not differ in exemplary behavior, and you were satisfied with one phone call.

And Herb dealt the finishing blow:

Herb's negotiations were crowned with complete success both for him and for us, his first clients. Dr. Cohen agreed to hush up the case. He let us finish school.

1. Say "and" instead of "but."
for example: “You did well, and if you…”
instead of "Yes, that's fine, but you have to..."

Because "but" crosses out everything that was said before him.

2. Say "and" instead of "and yet."
for example: "I understand that you cannot give an answer so quickly, and therefore let's ..."
instead of: "I understand that you cannot answer right now, but it would still be better ..."

Because “and yet” tells the interlocutor that you are deeply indifferent to his wishes, expectations, doubts or questions.

3. Use the word "for" instead of the word "against".
for example: "In order for something to change, I will enroll in the sports section."
instead of: “What else can I think of against boredom?”.

4. Avoid a rude "no" because "no" with the right intonation can make a very negative impression on your partner.

5. Cross out the expression "to be honest" from your vocabulary because it sounds like honesty is an exception to you.

6. Say "wrong" instead of "no."
for example: "not like this" or "not now". "I don't like it this way." "I don't have time for that at the moment."
instead of "No, I don't like it" "No, I don't have time."

Because “no” is repulsive. “No” is something complete and finally decided.

7. Change the angle of view by using the word "already" instead of the word "more".
for example: "You have already done half."
instead of "Are you only half done yet?"

Because the word "already" turns a little into a lot.

8. Forget the words "only" and "just" forever or replace them with others.
for example: “This is my opinion”, “This is my idea”.
instead of: "I'm just saying my opinion", "It's just such an idea."

Cross out "simply" and "only".

9. Remove the word "wrong". Instead, ask a clarifying question and show the interlocutor that you are also trying to solve the problem.
for example: “It didn’t work out the way it should. Let's think about how to fix the error or avoid it in the future."
instead of "Wrong! It's only your fault."

10. Say "at" and "at so-and-so" instead of "somewhere" and "in the area." Set a precise date and time.
for example: "I'll call you on Friday", "I'll call you tomorrow at 11 o'clock".
instead of: "I'll call at the end of the week" "I'll call tomorrow at 11."

11. Ask open-ended questions. Don't be content with one word "yes" or "no" answers.
for example: “How did you like it?”, “When can I call you back?”
instead of: “Did you like it?”, “It will be possible to call you back.”

Because questions with “How”, “What” or “Who”…… extract valuable information.

12. Use the expression "From now on, I ..." instead of "If I ...".
for example: "From now on, I will listen to advice more carefully."
instead of, “If only I had taken his advice. Then it wouldn't have happened."

Because “If I…” regrets what has passed and rarely helps to move on. Better look to the future. The wording “From now on I…” is a good basis for such a position.

13. Stop shirking with “should” and “should.”
Better: "It's important to get this job done first."
instead of: "We need to think about it" "I need to finish this work first."

“Should” and “should” do not state anything specific. It is better to clearly and clearly name that (or that), about whom or what you are talking about (“I” - “you” - “You” - “we”).
For example: "You should finish this", "You should give priority to this work."

14. Say "I'll do" or "I'd like to" instead of "I have to."
for example: “I would like to think a little first”, “I will first collect the necessary information.”
instead of: "I should think a little first", "I should gather information"

"I must" is associated with coercion, pressure, or external determination. Everything that you do with such an attitude, you do not voluntarily. “I will” or “I would like” sounds much more positive, friendly and motivated to others.

15. Cross out the words "actually" and "actually" from your vocabulary.
e.g. "That's right"
instead of, "Well, that's actually right."

"In general" does not contain any information and is perceived as a limitation.

With the words “should” and “should” you put the interlocutor under pressure and take away from him the opportunity to make a decision on his own. “I recommend you” sounds much more friendly and positive.

17. Also use alternatives to "I advise you", such as "I ask you" and "I will be grateful to you."
for example: "I ask you to make a decision as soon as possible", "I am grateful to you if you trust me."
instead of: "You must make a decision as soon as possible", "You must trust me."

“I ask you” and “I am grateful to you” are very easy to say, and they work wonders.

18. Give up all forms of denial; better speak positively.
for example: "It will be ok", "That's a really good idea", "It's easy for me".
instead of: "This is not a problem for me", "The idea is really good", "It will not be difficult for me."

Speaking in negatives, you are going a long way. It's too complicated and can cause unpleasant associations. Be direct and positive.

19. Avoid also other typical forms with "not".
for example: “Please understand me correctly” “Please think about…!” “Please watch out….!”
instead of: "Please don't get me wrong", "Please don't forget that....!", "Let's not lose sight of it!"

Turn these negative expressions into positive ones. Be clear about what you want. Thus, focus all your attention on the desired goal.

20. Use "motivational negatives."
for example: "What you said is not entirely correct", "Here I do not quite agree with you."
instead of: "What you said is wrong", "Here I must object to you."

Motivational denial is useful in situations where you need to tell the other person something unpleasant or completely reject their assumption. It is important that you present your opinion while telling the truth. With a motivating negative, you can say it more politely. You focus on the intended goal.

21. Prefer precise concepts over non-specific verbs like “do”, “work” and “engage”.
for example: “We have not yet made a decision on ....”, “I am just reading the minutes”, “The current situation is such that ...”
instead of: “We can’t figure it out here yet”, “I’m working with the protocol now”, “We are doing everything we can.”

Non-specific verbs leave too much freedom for interpretation.

22. Ask questions with “when” and “how” instead of those that can only be answered with “yes” or “no”.
for example: “When can you help me….?”, “When can we get together?”
"When can I talk to you?"

In response to the question with “whether”, we will receive a response only in the form of “yes” or “no”. When you can count on the result - remains open. So don't ask if this or that is possible, but demonstrate your positive expectation with "when" and "how".

23. Connect the other with "you" and "we" instead of constantly putting yourself in the spotlight with "I".
for example: “Now you see what is the matter”, “Please give me your address”, “Now we will figure it out together”.
instead of: "Now I'll show you what's the matter", "I still need your address", "Now I'll explain it to you."

If you speak in the first person all the time, then you bring yourself and your actions to the fore. The use of "you" and "we" unites and focuses attention on the interlocutor too.

24. Remove "never", "everyone", "everyone", "always" from your vocabulary and be specific instead.
for example: “Here you will definitely help me!”, “You are late for the second week”, “…. And …. jealous of my success."
instead of: “No one ever helps me”, “You are always late”, “They are all jealous of my success”.

Remove generalizations. Think about “what” exactly happened, “whom” it concerns, “when” it happened. Clearly state your goals. Generalizations create a negative present and limit future possibilities.

25. Get the other person's reaction with semi-open questions.
for example: “How much did you like it?”, “What other questions do you have on the merits of what was said?
instead of: “How did you like it?”, “How do you like my idea?”, “What other questions do you have?”

The right choice of word puts your question in the right direction. You positively influence the reaction. The information you are interested in is already sent in advance in a positive direction.

Good day, dear readers of the blog "On the way to a billion"!

Today I want to talk to you about a book that I once read and re-read recently. This book is by Larry King How to Talk to Anyone, Anytime, Anywhere. In this article I want to talk about the problem raised in the book and how to solve it.

First, a little news. Finally, I had some free time in my daily routine, which I decided to fill with one of my favorite activities - reading books. And so I decided to open a new topic on the blog - "Book Review", where I will describe the book I read, highlight its main points, talk about the problem raised by the author and evaluate how the author contributes to solving this problem. At the end, there will be a selection of the pros and cons of the book, the final verdict and an assessment on a ten-point scale.

I hope that this section will bring its grain of interest and usefulness to my blog.

A big request to you, dear readers: after reading the article, write in the comments if you liked the article of this format, should I continue to write book reviews, maybe there are suggestions for improving the quality of the style of this section of articles? All feedback and suggestions will be taken into account and the next review (I plan to write about once every 2 weeks) will be written with them in mind.

So let's get started.

Book Review - Larry King How to Talk to Anyone, Anytime, Anywhere

Larry King (Lawrence Harvey Zeiger) is a famous American journalist, television and radio host and interviewer. He was born in 1933 and is currently 81 years old. Larry has more than 50 thousand (!) Interviews with famous people of completely different professions and activities - from war veterans to actors and politicians.

It is difficult to imagine a person more experienced and savvy in the art of communicating with people and conducting conversations on completely different topics. Even our well-known TV presenters and journalists do not hide that they look up to Larry King and strive to achieve the same level of skill as a journalist and interviewer.

The mere fact that Larry had 8 marriages to seven women definitely says one thing: this guy knows how to chat

Larry's career began in the office of a radio station in Miami, where he ended up as a janitor. However, watching the announcers, he dreamed of one day becoming one of them. And then one day...

And yes, friends, as you may have already understood, this book is not just a manual or a brochure, where it says “for a good conversation, do this, this, this, but don’t do this, this and that.” Half of the content of the book is Larry's autobiographical stories, in which he finds himself in one or another typical situation - a secular company corporate party, a dinner party, a business conversation with partners - and, using his ingenuity and experience, strikes up a conversation with others, leaving a good impression of a pleasant interlocutor and the person as a whole.

It remains for us to absorb Larry's experience and apply it in such situations.

In general, the problem of communicating with people (especially strangers) causes inconvenience for everyone. Yes, yes, if you think that people like Larry, for whom conversation is their daily bread, do not have any problems in situations where you need to contact strangers, then you are mistaken.

Each of us understands that people are different, their interests, views and values ​​differ. The circumstances of people's lives and their past also differ.

That is why, when meeting a person that we liked or with whom, for some reason, we need to get acquainted, we have thoughts in the spirit of “What should I talk about with him? Start talking about politics? What if he hates politics? About the latest released films? What if he doesn’t go to the cinema either and is not interested in modern cinema at all? Ask about his work or his place of birth? What if he thinks that I'm climbing into his personal space? etc.

And this is not an unfounded fear. Each of them can be true, and with a couple of such mistakes, a person will simply understand that he does not want to communicate with us and the chance will be missed.

Another mistake, which, in my opinion, is more significant, is not to think about it. Like a tank, go ahead and bombard a person with questions, ignoring his embarrassment and other hints of unwillingness to talk about it.

Or simply “dump” on the interlocutor all the information about yourself, your life, past, views and opinions, simply not allowing him to insert a word of objection, approval, personal opinion, or simply answer you with his frankness.

I think that each of you, dear readers, has met such a person, and maybe even some of you have recognized yourself. That is why inconvenience and awkwardness when communicating with a stranger or unfamiliar person are present in everyone who wants to seem like a pleasant and good conversationalist, and not just a person without complexes.

However, these awkwardness must be overcome and try to test the soil of dialogue with a person from the first seconds in an attempt to grab onto one or more necessary topics. How to do it? If you read How to Talk to Anyone, Anytime, Anywhere, you will find the answer to this question.

I can unequivocally say that Larry King does an excellent job of solving the problem of how people communicate with each other in different situations in his book. There are also general points that are relevant in any conversation with any person, such as: the ability to listen, clarifying questions, the technique of asking questions to get a detailed answer, body language and facial expressions, and so on; as well as moments relevant to various settings: making small talk, business conversation, interviewing, and so on.

But the main idea that the author conveys to you is that in order to seem like a pleasant and interesting conversationalist, you need to be so! And to be like that, you need to know a lot and understand a lot. Often, with a failed conversation, we can conclude that the person is simply stupid, and we have nothing to talk about with him. And although there are moments when such an opinion is wrong to the point of offense, but in part this is basically what happens.

So here's what friends: if you read Larry King's book How to Talk to Anyone, Anytime, Anywhere, you will understand that in order to talk to anyone, anytime, anywhere, it's far from the only book you need to read.

Well, I think this review can be brought to an end and draw conclusions. So.

Larry King - How to Talk to Anyone, Anytime, Anywhere

Pros:

• useful and actionable tips for conducting conversations with different people and under different circumstances;
• the book gives a clear algorithm of actions for conducting a conversation for those who are lost at such moments;
• interesting stories from the life of the author;
• the book motivates to communicate with people and be a social person;
• the book encourages development as a person;
• the style of presentation of information allows you to read the entire book in a couple of evenings.

Minuses:

• perhaps for a smart and rather social person, everything said in the book will be like the advice of "Captain-Obvious", but, in my opinion, there are only a few such.

VERDICT: An excellent guide for beginner journalists and interviewers, however, to expand your social skills, I recommend reading this book to everyone and everyone!

Site score: 9/10.

Well, that's all, dear friends and readers of the blog. It is in this format that book reviews will be written. I repeat: it is very important for me to evaluate the success of this idea, so I will be glad if you write it in the comments. I also look forward to the impressions of the book from those who have already read it. Was the book helpful to you? Have you gained new communication skills? I'm waiting for answers.

I want to note that I already had experience writing articles on books: on the basis of Robert Kiyosaki's books “Rich Dad Poor Dad”, articles were written about a rich man and about wealth. I recommend checking them out.

Hold a new crossword:

Updated: crossword solved! Winners:

5 points - Anna
4 points - Roman
3 points - Armat
2 points - Yuri
1 point – Alex

That's all for me. Connect, learn and grow. And I recommend doing this not only sitting at the computer

Sincerely, .

“Speech is the most important form of communication, it is speech that distinguishes people from animals”
Larry King, How to Talk to Anyone, Anytime, Anywhere