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How to find a common language with the son of a teenager. What to do if it is impossible to find a common language with a teenager. Why children are rude

Learn how to communicate with your child in his "difficult" age

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"Hard" in children is called age about 12-13 and to 16-17 years. It was at this age that your gentle, good and responsive child seems to be replaced by an evil and prickly creature that hysteruits, scandalite and everything does. So what is the reason and how to deal with it?

Psychologists argue - in no way. This period should be just survived as a natural disaster. However, his sad consequence may be a loss of confidence from the child and good relationship with him forever. So that this does not happen, it is important not once again not to give in to emotions and behave correctly and wisely.

1. Remember that at this age your child seems to "gets out" his emerging personality. He is nervous and needs a caring handling. In this situation, parents must show care and support primarily.

2. Each teenager, from the point of view of psychology, is a man with a "border" psyche. This means that more or less explicitly pronounced disorder of the nervous system in most cases is the norm.

3. Make sure the child has the ability to have a certain amount of time to be alone (one in the apartment for the time of your departure, one in your room after school, etc.). Believe me if the teenager is not one for a second, he will gradually explode ("explosion" is, respectively, hysterics).

4. Remember also that its room is its territory. Bent, it can occur and be decided, anything, but its laws should act in his room.

Parents note: The state of the teenager's room is the state of his soul. Strict order - it is pedantic and neat, serious and attentive. Full chaos - he is in creative or emotional search. Constantly different positions of things - a teenager versatile personality and cannot stop on something one.

5. Some degree of freedom is needed by a teenager at least than the opportunity is sometimes one. Nothing should be alarmed her parents stronger (in terms of the safe mental psychic development of the child) than the absence of a teenager need for freedom of action and words.

6. Aggression of a teenager aimed at others is a reflection of the subconscious aggression in relation to itself, as well as the love of others is impossible without love and respect for their own "I". These feelings are formed by a growing person under the influence of parental emotions towards him.

In fact, it is the parents who are the root cause of children's aggression, one way or another, forming a persistent feeling of guilt and doubts about their own significance due to the lack of support and attention. The feeling of guilt is destroying for children, and for parents.

As a conclusion, we offer parents to learn 4 major rules for communicating with a child-teenager:

Do not lecture. You have 60 seconds before the child's attention will turn off.

Keep your ear eld. Listen calmly, do not interrupt the teenager with your comments. Instead, ask short clarifying questions, like: "Why, do you think she told it?", Or "and what do you think about this?" To show that you listen carefully and better understand his emotions.

Use body language. You may seem angry, even if it is not. Do not stand over a teenager when he sits, and do not fold his hands in Boki.

Arrange family dinners. Children who regularly spend time with their family, less often get into trouble and better learn at school. Also, whatever it is, your child needs you.

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In order for the duties of the teenager in the family not to become a source of many conflicts, you need to follow the following rules:

  • Agree with the child that it will be fully responsible for the purity and order in its own room. He himself monitors the cleanliness, it makes a decision when and how to make cleaning, it does it. Contracting with a teenager, do not forget to identify the framework of these "when" and "how."
  • Try to make cleaning together (everyone takes "their" territory).
  • Try not to order, much more efficiently friendly interaction.
  • Feel free to ask for help. Let him feel that helps you like an adult adult.
  • When it is necessary, gently, but persistently remind the child about his duties. Sometimes a teenager just forgets about promises.
  • Create a friendly atmosphere. Let the child know that, for example, co-cooking will be complemented by friendly conversations.

A child manifests such a tendency to keep the cleanliness that was laid in it since childhood, therefore it will not work sharply. Here you need patience and understanding. If you try to negotiate with your child, I will gradually go to meet you.

How to prevent smoking?

At this age, children often begin to get acquainted with adulthood of adulthood: cigarettes, alcohol, drugs. To help the child develop a negative attitude towards the detrimental habits, you need:

Before doing something with a difficult teenager, pay attention to your (and your spouse) to him the attitude, to a psychological environment in which the child grows. Difficult teenagers often become unlized children. None of her parents from this misfortune is insured, even those who endlessly love their recalcitable offspring.

It is difficult to be happy and developing correctly when you feel nobody necessary when there are rooms of quarrels and a detachment between parents when there are problems with peers or teachers in school. In admonished children there is no favorable soil for growth and development.

So those surrounding (and first of all, parents) create a difficult teenager with their own hands. The child not only suffers from the wrong attitude towards him, but it turns out to be guilty in all sins (in the "difficulties" and "wrongness" the surrounding usually blame him of himself).

To correct the current situation, parents, first of all, it is necessary to understand the essence of the phenomenon with the speaker name "", then it will be clear that you need to change in relationships with the child, as well as in the environment that surrounds it. Starting work on errors, do not count on a quick result. We'll have to conquer the confidence in the lost teenage trust, treat him with his love.

Even if you eliminate only intrameal problems and provide a child with love, understanding, respect and worthy advice, the family situation will be slowly, but steadily improve. But you need to act on all fronts, where the child has still fought alone (help him establish relationships with others, to bring into study and so on.).

To direct a teenager in the right direction, a certain combination of actions is required:

  • Qualitative example of parents.
  • At the same time, both good attitude, and tough discipline from the Father.
  • Patience and mother love.

In fairness it is worth saying that a difficult teenager can also be due to other circumstances: heredity, illness, etc. In this case, parents should also be desirable, you need to try to correct the situation as much as possible.

How to improve relationships?

You need to give the child to feel that it loves without any conditions. No assessment nor opinions of others - nothing can reduce parental love.

The parent must convince the teenager in a simple truth: Mom and Dad are the most devoted friends and defenders of their child. They will fight to the latter, will protect their offspring even in those situations when he is wrong. Therefore, with any misfortune, with any problem of teenager, first of all, should go to your parents. Let them scold for offense, but will make everything possible and impossible to pull their child from the marsh of trouble.

It is necessary to strive for the creation between parents and a teenager of trusting relationships. It is necessary to communicate not only on important topics, which are also often unpleasant for both parties. It is necessary to communicate as much as possible on a friendly wave, strive to ensure that the joint pastime brings pleasure to all family members (a trip to the cinema, a trip on a tour and so on.).

It is necessary to be friends with the child, to show interest in his hobbies, to discuss some events together (for example, the plot of the new film), sometimes talk to the souls. Thanks to the friendly communication, the teenager will appreciate your opinion and listen to your advice (as opposed to orders, which are very often perceived by the teenagers extremely negatively).

How to establish relationships with a daughter teenager?

Relationships with daughter teenager need to establish, first of all, mother. The perfect mother is a mom-girlfriend. They are treated for advice, she is looking for support, she is trusted by secrets and, together with it, they take important decisions.

The task of a loving mother - how best to prepare your daughter for independent life. You need to teach a teenager doing household, because in the adult life of the girls ineptly faced with a lot of problems. Noticing the lack of useful skills, the surrounding usually will not be boring into the progressive comments, with readiness weigh on the young woman a label of sludge or a bad mistress than hurt her pride. The inexperience of the hostess, as well as its reluctance to perform the original women's duties, often cause conflicts in a young family.

Mine Challenge - correctly orient the daughter, explain to her how life is arranged, and teach the girl to everything you need. The Father must provide the daughter of a sense of security, must approve and encourage the acquisition of useful skills, serve as an example for which the girl will focus when choosing a life satellite. Parents on the example of their family should show the girl the correct relationship model in the "cell of society".

How to establish relationships with the son of a teenager?

First of all, the relationship with the son of the teenager must establish a father, since male qualities in a young man can only develop a man. Father must be tried to establish a calm, trusting relationship with his son, tell him how the world of men is arranged, as you need to behave in order to respember others, to propose help in the event of any problems.

Father must teach the boy to male houses. If the family has a car or a motorcycle, it is worth preparing a teenager to surrender exams for rights, as well as to teach vehicle repair. For many young people, the prospect of driving a car or a motorcycle is very tempting, so you should not miss such an opportunity to make friends with your son and conquer my authority.

Father shows his example to his son, what should be a man, what a male life should be. If the head of the family has bad habits, then there is nothing surprising that the son will sooner or later copies the behavior of his father.

Mom, still, a very important role - to love, take care and protect your graceful child. Mom is a standard of female behavior. Many young people in the future when choosing a life companion will take the behavior of their mother for a sample.

Love and care are able to work wonders, they can save any family to fix the most difficult relationship. Do not lower your hands in a difficult situation, look for the way out of both yourself and with the help of specialists (psychologist, psychotherapist, etc.). Dare, and you will succeed!

Also, parents of adolescent are also recommended to read the article. An interesting article, among other things, contains a detailed example of a quick and painless teaching of a child from a bad habit (scattering dirty socks on the room). In the same way, you can act in other cases. Mama these tips will also be useful.

If you need a psychologist or psychotherapist consultation, then you are here.

Comments

    Nina (paid advice):

    These are all the right words, everything is much more complicated in life. How to survive a teenager at 16, if dad has a different family and all the attempts of the father affect the education of the son are accepted "in the bayonets", and the mother does not have enough strength to raise two teenage sons!

  • Hope:

    Hello. Tell me, please, how to behave with a daughter of 14 years old, who are constantly talking about the order in the room, it agrees, sleeping dirty things in the corners and cabinets, and one day, when I grabbed these things on the middle of the room, left home and Returned in an hour. I do not answer questions, grieved. What to do?

  • Alexandra (paid advice):

    Please advise what to do? My daughter 16 years when trying to talk to her constantly one rudeness and negative how to find a common language was already lying everything and in bad and in good things live in his world and there is no one to go there either dad either mom. It's good and on this all at all does not refuse, it doesn't get out of the room only for the needs, there are no girlfriends, it's not going to walk now the diet came up with anything really not eating already very thin and continues

    • Elena Lostkov:

      Hello, Alexander. Try to find the key to your daughter's heart. Each of us has any hobbies. Someone loves rock, someone fishing, someone embroidery. It often happens that a person reluctantly responds to our attempts to communicate with him, but it is worthwhile to ask him a question from the field of his hobby, as it is changing. We are pleased to tell about your hobby, as well as about our achievements in it. Just interest sincerely, naturally, as if by the way, just like that (at least it should seem like). It is unlikely that your daughter will appreciate your initiative, if you understand that this is another attempt to find an approach to it. For example, consider this situation. For example, your daughter likes a certain performer (Dima Bilan, Egor Cre, etc.) and his songs. As if by the way, tell your daughter something like: "Today I accidentally heard the song Bilan. He, it turns out, normal songs, I liked it. Until now, this song is spinning in my head ... " And then ask something about Bilan or about his work. Of course, it is pre-listening to his songs and read something about it. As soon as you find the key, develop chat further on the same topic. The more the keys will find to your daughter, the better. Try to be useful, render the daughters of some services, really valuable for it. Continuing the topic with Bilan: Buy her a ticket for his concert (carefully suggest your daughter's company to this event, since she has no friends with whom she could go to a concert). When there is an opportunity, give daughters various objects or souvenirs on her hobbies (posters with bilan, magazines or books about Bilan or written by him, wheels with his songs (if the daughter is not yet)). Become if not a fan of Bilan, then a person who is regularly interested in him and his work. Then you will always have a "respectful reason" to appeal to the daughter (for example, an interesting news for her from her idol). What other keys can be used? 1) Preparation for exams. Think than you can help your daughter: hire a tutor, buy books for self-preparation, help choose theoretical or practical material, etc. It is better to ask, of course, to ask your daughter, what kind of help she needs. But if you know in advance what fell on the failure, you can just buy and give her books. And do not require compulsory use from it. After all, it was just your gift. Of course, if you are going to hire a tutor, then it must be coordinated with your child. 2) Admission. Take carefully talk with my daughter on this topic. Find out who she would like to become, where to do. Treat her desires with respect, and not as something stupid, immature, naive. Otherwise, it will be easy to push it away from yourself. By choosing a profession, start the selection of those educational institutions where you will send documents. Advance with my daughter, discuss possible options. Here you have topics for conversations that will be interested in your daughter. Perhaps for successful arrival will have to visit courses or tutor. In general, do everything so that your child's arrival has become successful. It will be your overall victory. 3) diet. Your daughter is concerned about his appearance, trying to improve it. You can suggest to act as adult people do. For example, visit the nutritionist to develop a diet for it, told how to lose weight as possible, and it is impossible. Or give a subscription to the gym, or fitness (first find out if he need it). Think than you can still help her hobby. And implement your ideas. These keys came to me in the head "on the dressing". The rest come up with yourself, based on those things that are interested in your daughter. The girl you are already big, so try to communicate with her on a par, as an adult man with adults, respectfully and friendly. Teens do not like when they are treated as children. You need to try to establish friendly communication with your daughter. And for this, with the child you need to talk to the topics interesting to him, so that he is interested to communicate with you. A more advanced level of communication is "souls" conversations. But for this you need to trust you, could entrust your secrets. You need to strive for this. Friendly communication with the child solves the problem of disobedience, "nothing of the week." After all, a friend (even if this is a parent) do not want to offend; You want, do not want, but the request of a friend needs to be performed, otherwise you risk spoiling a relationship. Do not lower your hands if at first nothing happens. Act as if we tamed a wild beast: it may be long and difficult, perhaps he will let you in a little bit. Do not be angry at the daughter for your unsuccessful attempts: after all, you are trying to "tame" her, and she originally did not seek to communicate with you. Good luck to you in search of keys!

    • Olesya (paid advice):

    Hello! Advise, please, how to find a common language with a teenager 17 years old (the son of a husband, lives with us, learns). "Good and with us, and with mom (she lives in another city). Waving his It is not interesting, except for the games on a computer, it will not pull out on the street. I will do it. I will go home and all day lies in bed. Essentie one, I like it!

  • Olesya:

    Thank you very much for the advice. Intended to think about. Attentionally, "crushed" to the child, and did not negotiate and did not offer anything in return to the same computer. Just added a new family member and we all try to adjust each other, find common points of contact, common interests. It is useful to listen to the Council from the party. Once-thanks.

  • Natalia:

    Hello, tell me how to behave with a daughter of 11 years. We cannot talk normally, often tear off on a cry. Asking what to do happen immediately go will do, but more often when you start swear, since neither the first one does not hear from the second time. Quarrel, we speak, cry, we mumble - not for a long time.

  • Natalia (paid advice):

    Please advise how to persuade the child learns
    Son is 17 years old, after school he has been studying, but in the middle of the school year, learning threw, no persuasion help.

    • Elena Lostkov:

      Hello, Natalia. First you need to find out the reason for the abandonment of study. Teenagers often do not devote parents to their difficulties. Therefore, adults often think that the problem arose in a flat place. In fact, it is not. Teenagers, faced with a problem, often do not see those paths of her solutions that would see adults. The fact that your son has threw studies in the middle of the first school year, pursues me to the idea of \u200b\u200ba possible reason. In the middle of the year, sessions are held in many educational institutions. The approach is the first in the life of the session scares very many freshmen. Some teenagers are so much confident in their abilities and fear to "fill up" the session that they still have learning before the exams. By the way, the same can happen before school exams (OGE and EGE). Apparently, the children argue like this: it is better to go to yourself than to disgrace (not to pass the exams, therefore, to leave the school without a certificate, to be expelled from the university, sseuz, etc.). It is also possible that your son did not have time to pass on time all the necessary work (control, abstracts, etc.). All these problems, the teenager may seem insoluble. Counseling with no one. It is impossible to tell parents: they will swear (not prepared, did not pass on time, but should have). Therefore, a teenager, without seeing another exit, solves the problem radically: quitting. In fact, he would be very useful to support in such a difficult situation for him. For example, Mom, who at one time passed through all these tests, can reassure the Son and explain that the sessions are afraid of all students (even well-prepared), can tell how to prepare for sessions, what to do if I did not pass any exam (And this among student brethren happens often). You can hire tutors on particularly complex subjects. In the end, it is possible to help a teenager to make the required work or choose the necessary material (for example, the theory for each issue of the exam). As you think some of the teenagers will cope better: the one who beats over the fulfillment of a complex problem alone or the one who helps and who support? Of course, the fear of exams is not the only reason why teenagers are learning. Perhaps the relationship with classmates did not work; There is a conflict with the teacher; The teenager understood that he was mistaken in the choice of specialty (too difficult or not interesting), etc. Therefore, I advise you not to force your son, but to find out the reason for the abandonment of study and offer him not only ways to solve the problem, but also your help. If the teenager is afraid of sessions, help him pass the exams. If there is a conflict with classmates or teachers, analyze the situation and, together with the child, decide how best to do: establish relationships here or change the place of study. If the teenager does not like the specialty, change it to the one that he likes. In general, if you want to succeed, offer a teenager as many different solution solutions as possible. It is possible that one of these options will have to do with him. Be flexible, look for a compromise. For example, a child is ready to learn, but only for another specialty, and because of this, he will lose one academic year. No matter how the latter is unpleasant for you, but still this is your victory (you have achieved your goal, the child is ready to learn further). Good luck to you!

  • Larisa:

    Hello. If I do not have a desire to establish relationships with the father of a teenager, because each has its own causes of disorders. The feet still sees the parents who love each other, where they are simply implemented. Your advice is superficial. I think you just need to respect myself, not to give offense. To be above small strokes and teenager, then will understand who of the parents and what represents himself. He smokes a lot, grieves, does not speak good words and does not teach anything, drinking vodka in the evenings, although not an alcoholic, how can my mother protect him? Your advice is superficial, unfortunately. I just try to be friends with my son, respect his opinion.

  • Larisa:

    All these "Sovdeopovsky" postulates have long been outlined themselves and it would be time for you, psychologists to make at least some fresh stream in the discussion of such an interesting topic as the upbringing of adolescents. Why not bring up a sense of freedom of choice in the child, confidence that if there is no love, then you need to say goodbye to the partner, and not blame him, pumped up all your troubles on him, take responsibility and raise courage in making decisions. To teach your child not to be afraid of change and understand that no one who does not have anything that he is silent, then you will get enough! In general, it is not interesting to read you. Sport.

  • Galina (paid advice):

    Hello! I wonder, and how to find an approach to a teenager? My granddaughter is 14 years old, with parents often conflict (one child in the family). The other day she will be brought to us to live for the summer, so I thought. Of course, I will cherish my granddaughter, as it were, within the limits of reasonable.

    • Elena Lostkov:

      Hello, Galina. You can focus on tips that are offered to parents. Perceive every advice as an idea. And then decide how it is better to use it in existing circumstances, and in general, whether you will use it or not. Grandparents and grandfathers are much easier to be "good" for their grandchildren than parents. After all, a large proportion of conflicts between adolescents and adults arises due to the non-fulfillment of children of some school duties (did not sat down in time for the lessons, received a bad assessment, not prepares for exams, etc.). Fortunately, in the summer at school holidays. One theme for discord less. Of course, the characters among adolescents are different. It is easy to get along with someone - difficult. But do not forget that the nature of the child is not only natural deposit, but also the result of parenting parents. Disadvantages in the nature of the child are very often "lack of parents" of the parents (for what they taught, it does; what they did not teach, it does not do). Therefore, I want to say to the Word once again that a difficult child is a victim of some parent mistakes in its upbringing. And to blame a difficult child in his difficulty (as we have been accepted in society) unfairly and cruelly, because the choice (to become "good" or "difficult"). I want to make a reservation that I mention a difficult child, I mean not your granddaughter, but I am talking about children in general (just as an example). Often grandmothers do not want to actively participate in the process of upbringing grandchildren. After all, conflicts with the younger generation are often associated with him, which grandmothers seek to avoid. They simply close their eyes to the shortcomings of children, not trying to fix them, do not make special demands to children. Therefore, grandchildren, being visiting such grandmothers, live like in paradise. You don't need to go to school, you don't need to do the lessons, you can sleep how much you can go to bed late, do not really strain with household chores, do not read the notations. Personally, I like this "policy" of grandmothers very much. In the end, they have already brought their children (and this is hard work), now let the children are engaged in raising her grandchildren. Already adult grandchildren of such grandmothers at the mention of the words "carefree childhood" with warmth and tend to remember the grandmother and grandfather, their home spent there as a child time. These memories warm the person all their lives, help him adequate to transfer vital difficulties. Choice for you: What a "politics" in communication with grandchildren you like more, that and choose. If you manage to establish a good relationship with a teenager, then he will listen to your words, your opinion will have a weight for him, your requests will not be left unanswered. In this case, you may even succeed to put something in the heads and souls of your grandchildren or teach them something. One of the problems faced by grandmothers is the reluctance of grandchildren to help the housework. Here are some tips on this topic. No one (including children and adolescents) does not like when it is forced, poke his nose in his own mistakes. No one likes the communication type "boss - subordinate" (when one ordered, the other did). But many children willingly respond to a request to help if the grandmother is asking for help, which, by virtue of age, spin barbed. If a child regards you, he will be much more willing to respond to your request. The request for help is much more efficient than the order or the instructions to perform some kind of assignment. Because in the first case, as it were, you cooperate with the child, and in the second case, forcing it. therefore do not "order", but ask to help. Of course, you do not need to refer to illness every time. But the fact that the grandmother is already an old and without the help of grandchildren she will have to be not easy, children and teenagers worth knowing. You can talk to them about it once at the very beginning of the holidays: 1) Explain "Humanly", why do you need help on housekeeping and 2) what you threatens an excess physical activity (Feet, back, head, etc.) will be sick. 3) After that, ask the child about help in household matters (This is meant not a one-time act of help, and help throughout the time until the child is visiting you). 4) Try to get it voluntary, and not forced consent to such assistance. Pay attention to the following. During the conversation, refer to specific pain (back pain, legs, etc.), and not for diagnoses (hypertension will play, "pressure will increase", etc.). The specific pain of the child is understandable, and the diagnoses are not (it is not clear that it hurts and hurts at all). Compliant with the child about help, give examples of those assignments, about the execution of which you will ask him (go to the store, fitting the floor and so on.). Even an adult is difficult to give a promise to help, if he does not know which assistance, as often and in what volumes will be required. If some other difficulties associated with a teenager appeared, then you can act on the same principle: "Humanly" talk to the teenager, explain your point of view (try to convince him of the justice of your requests) and agree to the Fully about the result you need. Good luck to you!

    • Galina:

    Thank you! I hope I will cope. I am only 55, so we will be together with the granddaughter "to stupid" !!! Completely agree with you, difficult teenagers are not born, they become with the wrong approach to the child (I can't convince your daughter). Thanks again.

  • Irina :

    Hello, read the feed of the daughter of 13 years in contact in secret from her (on the main ones in connection with the groups of death and it was generally interesting), as it turned out, it rewrites with a young man of 30 years from Novosibirsk (from us 2700km) from November 2016, as I understood , I got acquainted somewhere in groups dedicated to games. Daughter is confessed to him in love, going for a long time, everyday dialogue consists of how it is? How was the day? Good night or I have "Depera" he writes Hyda from the window !!! It's terribly scared, I think how to do it right, I first wanted to write him directly, but I think he will tell her, and this is a breaking with my daughter, but suddenly I am not good Concerned !!!

  • Irina (paid advice):

    I bring up a daughter alone. Stand smoking, it comes late home, talking (they dug, leave,) I start it to scold it, says to leave the house. What should I do? How can you push yourself? Can you push how to establish relationships?

  • Svetlana (sample pay consultation):

    Elena Hello. Help please advice. I am a aunt of a 14-year-old teenager (younger sister his mom). We lived in different cities, but when the sister was born, the first time lived with us and I was nurse. I love him very, always balung. The relationship tried to build friendly, he calls me on behalf of you. 4 months ago, the sister died her husband, leaving the business. Sister up to five on his main job after going to the office of her husband and there is to the very night. I asked me to move to her to help with children and life. She still has a son 9 years old. My daughter and I moved to them for 8 years. I got a job my daughter went to one class with her younger son (she went to school a year before) and then it was replaced. He became aggressive. The kids offend calls forces everything to do anything. For my remarks, he stated me that I had no one heir to him and would drive us out of their home if he wants. I told this sister was a conversation but very gentle. The situation has not changed. The sister does not notice anything, he does not want to listen to anything and of course protects him in everything. And he feeling his mother's support more and more behaves indecent. I try to explain to him that I am here at the request of His Mom to take care of them and help first. It seems to be silent. But after a couple of days, rude again. How to do not know. I can not throw it alone at such a moment. And I love him very much. I do not know what approach to find, nothing wants, it does not like any do not like. I tried not to pay attention at all. So he generally began to relate to the house of a worker who prepared yes, did I stroke his clothes. I'm desperate.

    • Elena Lostkov:

      Hello Svetlana. Since your nephew has just survived the tragedy, then you need to act carefully, so as not to provoke even big problems. 1) Do not get involved in the "sharing of courtesies" on emotions (do not respond to rudeness to rudeness). Each episode is rude to stop quietly, but decisively. In response to rudeness and rudeness, it is better to calmly and confidently note that in such a tone to talk with parents and other adults in disabilities, and suggest a teenager for some time to be alone to calm down. When all the participants in the conflict of emotions will be eaten, it is necessary to discuss what exactly led to the conflict, what experiences arose from their parents (or another family member) that the teenager felt how to resolve the misunderstanding. So it should be ideally, but it does not always work in practice. Need to try.

      Elena Lostkov:

      2) Try to avoid conflict situations. Analyze what situations conflict provoke. For example, you have prepared food and call a teenager to dine. And he does not go. You return and begin to impose a claim to it: "How much can you wait?". And he throws you some knife in response. How can you do differently? Perhaps it is worth staying at the first invitation (came, politely invited all this). And the rest (will not come, it does not apply to you. Perhaps you should take this position: I help my sister on the housework and care for younger children, and the issues of education of a teenager is her task. I did not come to dine, did not sat down during the lessons, etc. - let the sister herself spends educational conversations with her son. You can argue that it does not listen to you anyway, and when you begin to insist - it leads to a conflict. Your case is once to remind a teenager about the fulfillment of the next duty (for example, "5 hours. It's time to get for the lessons") and no longer insist and not control it.

      Elena Lostkov:

      3) If you need to make a nephew remark, also do it calmly and confidently. Not evil, not irritated, not offended tone, but calm, neutral. No less notation. Said 1-2 phrases and left. Think in advance about what phrase you will tell him. Neither in your tone nor in words should be aggression, "hitting." Otherwise he will definitely want to tell you something offensive in response. For example, you can say: "Stop to force the little dishes for yourself! Go myself! " (This phrase, as it were, hinted that the nephew is bad, and his act is bad, and I also ordered him something to do). It is better to say somehow neutral: "The kids have their own duties, you have their own. Everyone washes the dishes of himself "(it turned out not a personal appeal to a teenager, but a statement of fact). You see, in the second phrase, we avoided all three unpleasant moments for a teenager who were present in the first phrase. If nevertheless hesitates in response, again, calm and confident tone (without your personal emotions), answer him: "You can't talk with adults in such a tone" (you noticed that this phrase again simply states the fact?) Or "in such a tone I will not talk. " And leave. The main thing, do not let him draw myself into a rewritten. You did your job (I did not leave an act or rudeness without attention, the correctly responded to them), and bring the upbringing of the teenager to the ideal to be left for my mother. Do not control, he washed the dishes or not, do not force him to fulfill his duty and no longer tell him about this particular act (if next time it does not wash, make a remark again). And let him not even come and does not wash the dishes. Nothing terrible, this is no longer your concern. If you still decide to wash it yourself, then do it so that the nephew does not notice this. For example, the dishes of the dishes are lonely in washing until the evening (suddenly he decides to check?), And after dinner you wash it with all the rest of the dishes. Otherwise, he will decide that if not to do, then someone will definitely do it for him.

      Elena Lostkov:

      4) How to be if the teenager asks you for help (I mean some home affairs, and not something serious, associated with life and health)? If he asks rudely, calmly and confidently inform him that the request said in such a tone, you will not fulfill. If he asks normally, help him.

      Elena Lostkov:

      5) Children always feel good to whom you can sit on the neck (weak), and to whom it is impossible (strong). Even in school, one teacher can be lit, and there is no other, since it is fraught with unpleasant consequences. Therefore, perhaps you too much forgot to your nephew, whereas it was necessary not to leave no such episode of rudeness. During conflicts, do not let the teenager withdraw yourself to emotions. Always stay calm and confident. Emotions and kindness are often perceived by children (and adults) as weakness. And calm and self-confidence - as power. So we distinguish strong people from weak.

      Elena Lostkov:

      6) The problem of rudeness and rudeness of adolescents stands in front of many parents. This is due to the age characteristics of the psyche. Perhaps the problem existed before your arrival.

      Elena Lostkov:

      7) Pay attention to the manner of communication of your sister (in relation to you). It happens that children copy the behavior of their parents. For example, a child also applies to mom, as dad belongs to it. Conversely, with dad communicates as mom communicates with him.

      Elena Lostkov:

      8) It is possible that your arrival you shook a teenager. Many people look forward to leaving the guests, despite the fact that these guests are favorite and helpful for them. Try to understand what kind of inconvenience is tested by a teenager and try to remove those of them that are possible. Maybe youngest children stick to him? If the teenager does not like it, do not allow them to do it. Maybe he wants to stay alone in the room? Give him this possibility at least temporarily, taking younger children in some occupation in another room.

      Elena Lostkov:

      9) Try to evaluate objectively as you communicate with the teenager. What phrases to him say how tone. Remember yourself in adolescence and try to imagine, you would like such an appeal or not. Do you belong to him, how to a small child? Are you trying to control his actions (whether whether there were lessons and so on.). Teenagers often have conflicts with parents and other family members on this soil. Teens begin to rebel, as they disagree with the fact that they are still considered small and in all control. Try to give him more freedom and less control. Maybe, he rebetes because you have taken the role of parent (which in itself involves a frequent collision with conflict situations). Maybe it is necessary to give up this? And then some of the conflict situations will simply disappear.

      Elena Lostkov:

      Elena Lostkov:

      11) Well, if you manage to establish such trusting communication. During him, you may succeed in finding out the true causes of why he belongs to you so disrespectful. Maybe knowing them, you will be able to establish relationships with him. But mom needs such trusting relationships to establish necessarily. The teenager recently survived the tragedy. Plus there is a hormonal restructuring of the body. Plus, his life has changed very much (there is no longer anymore, Moms almost never at home, aunt came with a little child). In fact, the boy lost both parents. Mom comes very late, all the tired, all her attention goes to other family members (aunt, younger brother, etc.). Mom draws attention to him only when he did something, but both of them are hardly nimble. The teenager remained alone, alone with his pain. Talk to souls are not with whom, all experiences boil inside, which is very bad for any person. So wants to be simply left alone, since they cannot give what he needs. Mom should urgently shift the focus from work on children. I understand that it is very difficult, but it must be done. Otherwise, it only increases the load of the tragedy, which fell on the shoulders of her children. It is necessary for mom to spend more time with children, and he spent it nice for children: she talked to them, played, read, went to the cinema, etc. It is necessary to express their love and with the help of touches (kissing, hugging, etc. .), But only if children do not relate to this negative. From time to time you need to talk to children in souls. Such confidential communication is the top of parental skill. During such conversations, parents can convey to their children what did not work before. Because at such moments, children not only listen, but also hear parents. Sin does not use them for educational purposes. Just need to put a conversation correctly. About notations need to forget at all. Just both sides must share their experiences, fears; Somewhere you need to sympathize, regret the child; If there are comments on his behavior, then they need to be done very carefully to not be offended, and also need to be explained why it is wrong from the point of view of the parent, to which it can lead, and report that the parent is very worried about That, as it is afraid that the child will be trouble. And all this should be made sincerely, not taller, and not in charge of both sides. Trust communication is also the psychological assistance of parents to their children. Good luck to you!

    • Oksana (sample pay consultation):

    Hello, Elena. My son is 18 years old, entered the university in another city, studying in the first year. Yesterday I find out that he missed classes, and most importantly, I am lying that he is in the audience, is engaged. And then he gives out that he did not find the educational corps. I think it's just excuses, as he likes to play computer games. Now he has money on the card, so I'm being tormented by doubts, will I act correctly if on the weekend you will punish his ruble? Or will it be worse? He calmly missed 4 couples, and I still lie, I can't believe myself

    • Elena Lostkov:

      Hello, Oksana. It will correct to talk to the son frankly, but humanly, in a good way. In general, if it turns out, talk to him for souls. Find out why he misses occupations, tell him about the consequences of such absenteeism and about his feelings about this, about his experiences that the son may have problems due to the fact that he makes concrete things wrong. Try to talk so that the son understands that you are experiencing not for the very studies, but for himself, for his well-being, for his happiness. Tell him that the first session is very important. What is not all tested by the first session, as it is too late to be accepted and do not have time to prepare. As a result, they are or deducted, or they will study before the session itself (they are afraid of examinations and are confident that they will not surrender them). So that this does not happen, you need to take care at once, literally from the first days. Of course, you know better than your son, but still to yourself admit the idea that he did not stroll or walked for a valid reason. We can not tell about our parents about everything. Perhaps there is a reason, but he does not want to talk about her. Maybe he did not reveal with the peers or with the teacher, or something else. Tell your son that if he has any problems, let him appear to you, you will try to help him. During the conversation, you can love to agree that if the computer will interfere with learning, you will have to pick it up. If the computer is needed by study, he will have to go to the library of the university and do there. Do not use some unpleasant measures for the Son (pick up a computer, deprive money, etc.) without prior warning. After all, you have a goal - to correct the behavior of the Son (and not pick up things), so let him take measures to be corrected by himself. Warn it is not aggressive, but calmly, goodwill, like you would not want to do this, but it may turn out that you have to. Pretty pick up for this word and tone. For example, you can say so: "You won't get a computer" (this is a bad version). And it is possible: "If the computer will interfere with your study, I will have to pick it up. I do not want because of your troubles for him. " It is now very important right how you will communicate with your son: in good or bad. When a child is near, it can still be forced to learn. And when he is far from how can it be done? In no way. Only with the help of trusting communication, when you hear the child, and he hears you (hears, in the sense takes your words to note, listens to them, and does not miss past the ears, brains and souls). Remember how you communicate with souls with a better friend. The conversation for both of both is pleasant, without straining. You both hear and understand the feelings and experiences of each other. Your souls at this point are open for each other. If one another advises something or something asks something, then the other without internal resistance is voluntarily ready to help, fulfill the request. If such communication is possible between two strangers in essence, it is possible between the smallest (mom and child) between the smallest (mom and child). Just establish trusting communication should be attempted from the early childhood of the child. And if it was not done earlier, then try it to do at least now. Trust communication is the most powerful educational tool (parents do not force the child, but agree with him in a good way). Such communication brings together parents and a child. About the advantages of communication "in good" I have already told. And now I will tell about the cons of communication "in bad" (parents force the child, they apply moral and physical violence to it). Such communication creates abyss between parents and the child. Both sides do not understand each other and do not want to listen to the words and requests of the other side, conflicts often arise. For both sides, such communication is not comfortable. So difficult children and adolescents appear (this is the result of the wrong education by parents). How do we do if communication with someone is constantly upsetting? With such a person, we strive or communicate at a minimum, or not to communicate at all. So it turns out that while children learn at school, they are near (they have no choice), and when they leave home, they forget about parents, as communication with them too often was unpleasant (I do not want to continue it). These are cons of communication "in bad". I do not know exactly how you communicate with your son, therefore it has been detailed by both options. What to do - the choice is yours. Personally, my opinion: Try to become a friend for your son (so that it happens, count yourself that friends do, and what they do not), combine the two roles "Moms" and "friend." As a result, firstly, you can more often and qualitatively communicate with your son at a distance. Secondly, to some extent, you can influence his behavior, on his actions. Good luck to you!

  • Maria:

    Hello, my daughter is 16 years old. Meets with a guy 19 years old. He is all for her! Sleep goes around when he calls her. Live with a guy in neighboring cities. He comes to her. He began to leave notes about her pregnancy like "I'm pregnant not telling anyone." I ask what it is? And she says that they are so pinned in college and it does not mean anything because it's a little more. Grandmother calls her and asks how are you? She tells her that I was sick all the time. Although I know that it has one month. I start to ask questions why she does it shouting that grandma invented everything. He says that he lives with us. What if I don't like something, I can refuse it. She had a friend from home and abandoned his mother in social skate, says that Mom yells constantly. I do not know what to do?

  • Maria:

    Add to the previous comment, tell me how to deal in those situations when my daughter offends me and her husband. Can say anything. And at the same time accuses us that we do not apply to her. Good noticing, only reproaches. Her father lives in another city and did not communicate with her for a long time, tired of his personal life. Stepfather raised her as a daughter. This summer, during the conflict with her, the husband decided to stand up for me and pick up the phone, she did not give it away and had to pick up his strength. Before that, the daughter called her husband Pope, now it does not call anywhere, does not speak with him since the summer. He began to ride to his native father, and blaming me in everything that happened. I'm so tired and try to close my eyes on a lot, but I try to tell me please exit from the situation.

  • Anonymous:

    Hello, tell me how to find a common language with a child of 13 years old, with her husband divorced, there is a second husband and a child from a second marriage, for a child I'm bad snaps up, wants to go to dad or grandmother to live.

  • Oksana:

    Hello, I do not know what to do, they kicked hands, help. The son of 16 years arrived at the college on a very serious specialty, the choice and dream of him. He studied for 3 months and began, I don't want to go, now wants to pick up documents from there at all. We explain that you will lose year and what's next. Local PTU auto mechanic. They discouraged as they could, he didn't tell anyone at all, but it will not work, we explained to him that no one is without education right now. The houses are a molars, the teachers talked about him well, the son does not smoke, does not drink, but what this principle and the synthesia do not understand. In our family, we are fine, and we work with my husband, the eldest daughter is married, we rest all together. And the sister and her husband said that with such an education would take themselves with their hands, does not want to listen.

The content of the article:

Communication with adolescents is a problem with which almost all parents face. The hormonal "transformation" of the child changes not only by his physiology, but also the psyche. As a result, a good kind boy or girl can radically change in the opposite direction. Therefore, it is very important to know how to behave with a teenager, so as not to consolidate these changes forever.

Features "hard" age

The Pubertata period usually includes age from 11 to 16 years, although its boundaries are individual: one child can begin at 12 years old and to last a year, and another to delay from 11 to 15 years. In many ways, it depends on how much the body is ready for a sharp adultery.

As not only the child's body, but also the psyche, including the perception of the surrounding world, these changes are so ambitious that the teenager is very difficult to cope with them alone. Therefore, the parents play an important role in the life of the Tinaiger at this time. Their proper behavior can often significantly reduce the "transitional" period and help your child to pass it without complications.

To find a common language with a teenager and help him easier to move the difficult age, you need to gain patience, wisdom and remember several peculiarities of Pubertat:

  • Need to support. Despite the fact that often children are composed of parental custody and demonstrate complete independence, the need for reliable rear does not disappear. They still need your caress, care and attention. But in another form, not "children's".
  • Transitional age is the norm. Teenage period is a necessary and inevitable step of growing up. And all the accompanying changes in the psyche and behavior of the child in most cases are not considered pathology.
  • The need for solitude. In order not to provoke emotional storms from your son or daughter, let them take them periodically alone. First of all, in your room. During this period, the definition of "its territory" for a teenager is of particular importance - its rules apply here.
  • Aggression to others. Often, this behavior of the tinacer in relation to the native is the reflection of the same aggression, only to itself on the subconscious level. At the same time, note that parents themselves form the main share of behavior - their emotions and attitude towards their child. The main activators of children's aggression are the feeling of guilt, caused by comments and reproaches of loved ones, as well as the feeling of themselves unnecessary and insignificant.
  • The desire for freedom. One of the most striking manifestations of the transition period is freedom of expression. Moreover, it can concern all: behavior, decision-making, clothing style, manners of communication, worldview, hobbies, etc. And here you need to find a golden middle, so as not to indulge the behavior overlooking the framework, but also not to infringe the child in his self-affirmation.

It is no less important to remember that you at one time also passed such a rescue "breaking". And then your parents seemed old-fashioned, boring and not understanding. Therefore, be patient and attentive towards your Buntar.

Basic communication rules with adolescents


The main rule of the behavior of any parent, who is looking for a way to find a common language with a teenager - to remain calm and weathered in any situation, despite all the tricks that can throw a rioty child with a "border" psyche (it was in such a category of adolescents psychologists). To reinforce your calm and excerpt with correct actions, remember the main secrets of communication with a teenager.

Rule number 1: Land adult relationships

Please accept the fact that your child matures and becomes a person, let it have not quite mature. And this requires a change of landmarks in communication - try to do without long morals and lectures, do not require unquestioning obedience, do not decide for him his problems.

Let your son or daughter be adults not only in any actions, but also responsible for their consequences. Do not panic if the child takes the wrong or "not your" decision - let him understand how correct it is. Of course, if this decision does not concern vital or fateful moments.

Try to convey to him what to be adult is not only the behavior manner and removing many restrictions. It is also responsibility for everything: for their words, actions and their loved ones. Advance with him and die listen, not interrupting.

Rule number 2: No comparisons with other

Put in the list of prohibitions habit to compare your child with anyone not in his direction. First, in the period of Pubertata, his self-esteem also undergoes changes, and it is not necessary to reduce its strap even more.

Secondly, your teanage will never be like you or other your relatives at his age. Especially as other children. He is an individual, and therefore a priori cannot be like anyone. Compare tactics with more obedient (successful, decent, good, attentive, etc.) children only rooted in the teenager desire to rebel.

Rule number 3: Calm, only calm

Learn to control your emotions. Creek, hysterics and reproaches in elevated tones - a powerful stimulus for a teenage psyche. Such a "loud" communication can end either by retaliatory cries or full ignoring. That is, about mutual understanding and trust in this case, there can be no speech.

One of the options, how to find a common language with a difficult teenager and not break on a cry - to restrain the impulse before Tiraja. For example, before expressing your opinion about his act, make some deep breaths or mentally count to 10. During this time, emotions will be silent a little, and you can adequately talk about what happened.

Try to formulate your sayings with a focus on feelings that cause his actions - they can hurt you, alert, concern. Watch out for the language of your body: a calm attitude to the situation cannot be accompanied by sparkling eyes, crossed or overwhelmed in the sides. Also when communicating, try not to rise over the child, it is better to take place on the side at a short distance.

Rule number 4: interest him

The manifestation of sincere interest in adolescent's hobbies is another key to understanding. Try to accept his favorite classes, even if they don't like them or you consider them a waste of time.

Perhaps your shift of attitudes towards his favorite computer games, roller skating, music or graffiti at first will cause doubt. Therefore, sincerity is your weapon.

Rejoice to his successes, ask for nuances, interest novelties, encourage achievements. Over time, your "Buntar" will take your interest and will already share your impressions and be proud of your support.

Rule number 5: Communication in the process

A teenager who craves freedom is difficult to attract to family evenings with frank conversations. On the contrary, he seeks to communicate outside the family - with peers and in social networks. However, it is impossible to leave it without communicating with relatives. Therefore, you need a little bitter.

For example, one of their ways, how to find a common language with a teenage girl - to talk about her interests during cooking or cleaning. Of course, it should be unobtrusively and "passing." "Talk" a tinaceger guy can be in the process of fishing or repairing the car.

Very faces a trip to the car. In such an environment, there is no need to watch the interlocutor into the eyes, and the joint thing brings closer, which greatly facilitates the contact of the child and parent.

As an option, you can maintain so favorite teenagers to communicate virtually - messages in mobile or social networks are perceived more easily and actively.

Rule number 6: Be an imitation example

The need to be an example for his child with his adulthies is becoming more relevant. Therefore, it is stupid to demand from a teenager not to smoke and not swear with obscene words, if you sin themselves. It grows and, if you do not copy your behavior, at least it believes that he can all be what you.

The same applies to the manner of communication: if the child is lying, does not give proper respect and hides his actions from you, analyze whether he does not copy the behavior in your family.

What if it does not work find a common language with a teenager


Conflict situations with a teenager also need to differentiate: your reaction to protest and frank rudeness should be different. In the first case, you can confine ourselves to the demonstration of how much such behavior is upset or try to talk.

If you see in the actions of a child, obvious intent, they are systematic and go far beyond the fraction of decency (drunkenness, frank disconnect, coarse relationship, etc.), here you need to apply fundamental measures and "include" your authority. Resenting and swallowing insults in this case only will be exacerbated by the situation and will strengthen the feeling of victory over you in the teenager.

We offer to use several principles, how to find a common language with a teenager boy or a girl in particularly complex cases (alcohol, cigarettes, absenteeism, leaving home, etc.):

  1. Speak with the child only after preparation. Take the timeout in order to prepare for a conversation and pacify your emotions. Moreover, if the subject of the conversation will be his arrival home in a drunken state - it is still before it lifts, there will be no sense from your communication. If you plan to connect to the educational process of the spouse, agree in advance about joint behavior tactics. Choose time for conversation when there are no other relatives in the house, urgent work and do not need to rush anywhere.
  2. Touch the conversation. Remember that the conversation should be done exactly, calm and clearly for the occurrence. Try not to drive a teenager in the corner, drawing him a sad future and doing focus on his actions. Explain how much such behavior has affected you and your feelings and how much you are worried about the Buntar itself. Only after that listen carefully to the sheltered.
  3. Be prepared to take the truth. If you want to find a common language with a teenager and build trust relationships with him, learn to perceive even the most unpleasant answers calmly and weighted. Otherwise, having received a hysterical reaction for their recognition, the child will no longer tell you the truth. Why answer honestly, if everything ends up the scandal.
  4. Avoid pressure. If the child does not want to explain the cause of his behavior or not admits in a non-departure act, for a while, leave the question. At the same time, be sure to explain to him that you worry about him and are ready to listen to when he will be ready for this. If this does not work and the teenager still does not want to speak with you, connect another adult to which the child is located and can open. This does not concern drug dependence or serious mental abnormalities - here without medical care can not do.
How to find a common language with teenagers - watch video:


And the most important thing is that it is necessary to remember the parents of adolescents: transitional age happens to everyone and necessarily ends. Therefore, this "storm" you need to simply wait. But wait quietly and wise, while keeping trusting relationships with the child, then with a smile to remember his teenage "attacks."

Many parents face problems in educating a teenager. They ask themselves: "Where is the charming, cute child? How could he change so?" And closer to the prom in school, the child becomes uncontrollable at all. Parents must remember that this is common to many families the problem. One way or another, this period must be overcome and try to establish relations with the son or daughter. We will try to figure it out in this matter and understand how to find with a teenager.

A difficult age

There are parents who fear their children. Suddenly they will come out of control, will begin to smoke and drink alcohol, will surround themselves with "hipsters" or run away from home?

In fact, everything is not so scary. No wonder they call the "spring life". And for most children begins sweet time. At this point, you must learn to control the situation, support the child and not spoil the happy moments of youth. To cope with this, you should plunge into another world - to the world of the child - and understand what changes occur at such a young age.

Another world

Surely, many parents began to notice that the child began to talk in a different language, weird to dress, rude, provoke scandals, spoil the hair, listen to wild music and attract attention. Communication of adolescents with parents comes off. They do not understand each other, because fathers and children are different generations, who have their own values, worldview, lexicon, aesthetics, and so on. Naturally, the unknown scares, especially if it concerns his own child. And in order to understand the mysterious world of the teenager, first of all it needs to be heard, understand and accept it. Parents are ready for dialogue, but children are in no hurry to share the most intimate ...

What to do in such a situation?

Studying such sciences as the psychology of development and most specialists concluded that the path to the child lies through an understanding. To begin with, the fact that he can have other interests, even if their parents do not approve them. Remember yourself in my youth, which you wanted then what was missing .... Comparing your desires and behavior in your youth with how your child behaves, it is necessary to establish new rules in your home: let the son or daughter listen to music that we like everything that they want to eat without the use of abnormative vocabulary, and you It remains to understand it and take.

The friendly parents will treat a teenager, the faster it will open and let go to his inner world. Imagine this situation: the child went abroad. He fell out of our reality, began to speak in another language. After his arrival home, you will have to find a common language with him.

What can not do

At this age, modern teenagers begin to resort to experiments with cigarettes and alcohol, they fall into bad companies. This behavior leads parents to horror. In addition to alcohol, drugs and cigarettes, there are several more vices that can cover a teenager - this is an Internet addiction, extreme hobbies and unprotected sex. And here the worst thing begins: the more parents prohibit, they swell and punish, the more active the child stretches into their world - into the world of non-resident hobbies. And as if the parents did not try, there is no communication with adolescents.

Psychology as science says that such experiments have one feature. Indeed, therefore, children will know the world, not understanding where the boundaries of the permitted. If the conversation is about a bad company or death with death - here you should beat the bell, the child has lost in the real world.

If the teenager "left" into computer games, this suggests that he replaces his prosaic days fantasies. Drugs use children who want to drown pain. With bad companies, adolescents are associated with those at home feel strangers.

Of course, there is no such recipe that could insure a teenager from dangers on his way of growing up. But sometimes the parents themselves exacerbate the situation: an unhealthy atmosphere in the family, scandals, screams, Rugan, a negative example of the elders - all this pushes the child in the abyss.

Directions in which you need to move

Today, modern teenagers need help. In order to protect your child from it is necessary to act in three directions.

First of all, arms it with the necessary information. Some psychologists advise the child to reduce the child in the oncological center, where patients are played, who at one time became interested in cigarettes. Show him a narcological center and tell about the consequences of drug abuse. Today, many modern teenage magazines publish information on how bad habits and dangerous experiments affect the life of a child, which leads to.

If you do not know how to find a common language with a teenager, you should go in another direction. Create the most trusted atmosphere in the house, feel about your child with love and respect. Forget about aggression towards anyone. It is necessary to create such an atmosphere so that he does not want to run away from the house. Parents Council: do not smoke and do not eat alcoholic beverages in the presence of a child - he can take an example with you, and talking that smoking is dangerous to health, will be in vain. Children copy the behavior of parents, so you need to become a bright example for your child. Control your emotions, die listen, and most importantly, understand. Resize his life together, and then he does not want to run away from the house.

The third direction is a solid ban on dangerous games. If the teenager broke it, then the punishment should go. Features of communication with adolescents is the sequence of actions, it is impossible to let go of the situation. For example, you caught a child with a cigarette, the punishment should not be aggressive or emotional, prohibit him for a week to walk and do not disturb your word.

Sex. What is it?

According to statistics, most high school students lose their virginity aged 15 years. Sexual attraction is dictated by nature, and this is normal. But for a fifteen-year-old child, especially for girls, you have sex in this war too early. And you can understand parents who are afraid of children's sexuality, unwanted pregnancy and venereal diseases.

Fear pushes parents to commit a row of errors. No need to tell a teenager that sex is a terrible sin. Sexual attraction will not go anywhere, but a bunch of complexes will appear. The time will come when he needs to create a family, and with which installation it will approach such an important solution?

Developmental psychology and age psychology regarding sex advise not to make morals. It is better to bring to the child a maximum of information, explain how dangerous sex is dangerous, which can lead to his personal life.

How to find a common language with a teenager

Teenage age is also called fateful, crisis, wounded, difficult. During this period, a new person is being formed, who seeks to become an adult and trying to get rid of the child looking for himself, and in his search makes many mistakes. Many parents understand this, but do not know how to find a common language with a teenager in such a difficult time.

Of course, parents upset when their son or daughter begressed. Why is this happening?

Why are children rude?

The fact is that aggression is dorming in every person. According to psychologists, in such qualities, as a dedication, the desire to assert and the ability to defend their position is precisely aggressiveness. But it is worth noting that this quality sometimes helps a person to survive. Therefore, aggressiveness carries both positive and negative charge. And the form of its manifestation depends on the situation, the nature and education.

Often parents themselves are the cause of the gross behavior of their child. If everyone speaks into the family on elevated colors, do not respect each other, then the child will grow up the same. And how can parents demand from a teenager good, respectful attitude towards themselves, if he does not understand what it is, because he does not know how?

Errors of parents

The main mistakes that parents perform:

  • lack of control;
  • satisfying all needs;
  • tough relationships;
  • hypertrophied control;
  • the desire to raise the Wunderkind;
  • emotional rejection.

So that the child grew calm, obedient, that is, the parents want to see him, first of all it is necessary to give him freedom. "If you do not touch the tree - it will grow smooth." The child has grown, and it's time to get used to this thought.

  1. Parental morals are most annoying the child. Communication with a teenager should occur on a positive wave. The child has his views and opinion, and with this you need to reckon.
  2. Compromise. Swearing with each other, nobody proves anything to anyone. Negative emotions will not lead to understanding.
  3. You do not need to kill, offend a teenager and ulce into his address.
  4. Be hard in your decisions and are consistent. It is impossible to demand from the child of what you yourself do not perform.

This period is very complex, and communication with a teenager can make parents in a dead end. It should be remembered that it is youth, and the child is full of strength, he wants to love and be loved, conquer the tops, make crazy actions, everything is interested in him. It is at this age that he needs good friends, and well, if it is parents.

No matter how much you spent strength to raise the child in early childhood, as far as they are confident that you know your "baby" from and to when it comes to adolescent age, many questions and problems appear. How to find a common language with a teenager and tune in to his wave?

No matter how preparing for adolescence, for all parents he comes unexpectedly. The child changes in front of his eyes: It seems that yesterday the child calmly listened to the teachings, and today the whole essence of the teenager begins to rebel. Son or daughter sometimes and minutes can not listen to parents, denying almost every word said. How to talk with a teenager if a child considers himself right in everything?

1. We look at the clock

Psychologists argue that it is possible to interest a person with a conversation in the first 60 seconds. If you spend this time on the notation, most likely to find a common language with a teenager you will not succeed. The son or daughter will simply clict in himself and will be silently perceived information, not delivered in the meaning of the said.

2. Eyes in the eyes

This rule is not for you. Parents communicate with a teenager should be unobtrusively. One mother tells: "I had a serious conversation with my daughter. Several times I tried to start him, sowing next to the child and looking into her eyes. The daughter closed in himself and did not go to frankness. Everything decided by itself. Preparing for the arrival of guests and cutting salads, we started talking. Surprisingly, we found a common language. The relaxed atmosphere contributed to this. "

3. Gadgets come to the rescue

Modern children rarely communicate verbal. It is easier for them to write something online than to express their thoughts in words. Collect new technologies, communicate through chats, email. Many will say that it is so possible to completely move away from the teenager, but in practice it turns out exactly the opposite. Children love advanced parents.

4. On the same wavelength with the child

No one will give one hundred percent advice, how to communicate with a teenager. We are all individual, so it is necessary to clearly know the preferences of your child. Chado loves music - ask what styles and performers are now in fashion, the teenager loves sports - offer together going to a football match. Total interests bring together, so you will quickly reach the heart of your teenage.

5. Become in the shower lawyer

Not that a boring lawyer who is trying to prove the correctness of the judge, but a man who can competently state his thoughts and convince the interlocutor in the correctness of the opinion. If you want to learn how to talk to a teenager correctly, avoid accusations and single answers. If after the first phrase to express the child: "You never listen to me," and leave, slamming the door, the dialogue will not work. Similar situation with questions and answers. Interested in how the day went, do not complete the conversation on common phrases like "normal", "as always." Try to clarify what exactly happened, at the same time sharing my thoughts about Living.

Many parents do not know how to find a common language with a teenager. They are trying to promote the authoritarian style of communication, forgetting that the adheft child is also a person. Take the fact that the child grows and has its own views on life. Be flexible, and then you will understand your child for a hundred percent.