Orthodox understanding of love and marriage and their substitution. Orthodox marriage
A beautiful tradition. "Supplement" to the wedding. The guarantee of the strength of family ties. These are the most common ideas about the Sacrament of the Wedding. Meanwhile, there are both young and mature married couples who live a church life, but sometimes postpone the performance of this Sacrament for many years. What is really behind the wedding? How Acceptable For The Believera person to live in an unmarried marriage? How to prepare if you decide to take this step?We are talking about this with the editor-in-chief of the Bogoslov.ru portal, candidate of theology, rector of the Pyatnitsky courtyard of the Trinity-Sergius Lavra, Archpriest Pavel Velikanov. Photo by Konstantin Trostnikov
How did the wedding come about?
- Father Pavel, it is logical to start with the main question: what is the Sacrament of Wedding, what is its essence?
- The question is not as simple as it might seem. Because historically this Sacrament appeared quite late - in the form in which we know it. The early Christians did not have any special rite to bless marriage: the Church recognized as legal the marriage that was performed within the framework of the tradition that existed in that era. In the first Christian communities, the blessing of newlyweds was accomplished by the very fact of the presence of a priest or bishop, the head of the church community, at the wedding feast.
- Wasn't there a blessing with the laying on of hands, as, for example, now in Protestant communities?
- Indeed, there is evidence that marriage was consecrated by the laying on of the bishop's hands - this is an apocryphal monument to the "Acts of Thomas", which was written in Asia Minor at the beginning of the 3rd century. However, until the IV century, there was no special order. Only after the Edict of Milan by Constantine the Great ( Document of 313, proclaiming religious tolerance in the territory of the Roman Empire and ending the persecution of Christians. - Ed.) When the process of active entry into the Church of people who were far from the Christian way of life and did not really strive to become real Christians began, the need arose to comprehend from the point of view of Christianity marriage as a union of a man and a woman, blessed by God. It became vital to make a clear distinction between the Christian understanding of the family and those that existed in the pagan world.
- And what ideas did the pagans have? What is the difference?
- The difference is that Christian marriage is not limited to an earthly perspective. This is not only a blessed communication between a man and a woman and the continuation of the human race, but above all a certain spiritual deed. The spouses, having gone through the stages usual for any marriage, reach a special height of spiritual and spiritual unity. And this unity remains after their death. We know a large number of holy spouses - these are Saints Peter and Fevronia of Murom ( Their memory is celebrated on July 8. - Ed.), Cyril and Maria ( parents of the Monk Sergius of Radonezh. - Ed.), Joachim and Anna, Adrian and Natalia ...
Of course, there was no such understanding in paganism. It could arise only on the basis of the Christian idea of the neighbor as the main tuning fork of the relationship to God, from the understanding of the need for sacrificial feat as the foundation and fundamental principle of all life in general, and not just the relationship between spouses.
This is how, against the background of the understanding of matrimony, the rite of the church blessing of marriage is gradually taking shape. Only by the 17th century was it formalized in the form that we now have in our Orthodox churches. In general, a wedding is the only Sacrament in which we find a huge variety of forms! A certain core - the prayer "Holy God" - is present already in the 4th century, and the rest could vary.
Photo by Alexander Bolmasov
A wedding ... a condemnation?
- Is an unmarried marriage considered wrong, sinful?
— No. It is deeply wrong and dangerous to think that unmarried marriage is synonymous with fornication. Legal marriage - that is, not secret, announced to society and legally registered in a certain way - is fully recognized by the Church. And this is clearly spelled out in the Social Concept of the Russian Orthodox Church.
- The fact is that, without a church blessing, Christians will find it difficult to build their marital relations so that they would be a ladder for them to the Kingdom of Heaven. More precisely, in order to build the Kingdom of Heaven in marriage right now. And for this, the Sacrament exists.
— What is the sacrament? What's mysterious going on?
- The sacrament is that Divine grace is invoked to transform the natural relationship between a man and a woman into a spiritual relationship. This striving transforms the natural attraction of the sexes to each other into a stepping stone to Christ - that's what happens. Figuratively, this is perfectly shown in the Gospel story about the miracle that Christ performs in Cana of Galilee: the transformation of water into wine at a wedding. Any marriage is destined for such a transformation: the "water" of natural human relations by the power and action of the grace of the Holy Spirit must become "wine", acquire a completely different quality!
- And what is the blessing?
- A wedding is also a blessing for married life within the Christian community itself. Sexual cohabitation for Christian spouses is conceivable only within the framework of a church blessing by the head of the community - a bishop or a priest.
- Can we say that this is an attempt to enlist God's help on this difficult path?
- Partly yes. In legal marriage, both halves enter into a new, previously unknown, unknown reality for them. And this requires special help from God.
But this cannot be approached as a deal: we give you a wedding, and you give us a guarantee of "a full cup at home." A wedding is a strengthening and blessing of existing relations, but not building them from scratch, and even more so - not legalizing the formal relations of each other "not digesting" people.
I will express my opinion, which, perhaps, will not agree with the opinion of a sufficiently large number of clergy. But I am resolutely opposed to people who are not sufficiently churchly to approach the Sacrament of the Wedding.
Today, everyone is often crowned. Such an attitude towards marriage neutralizes the Sacrament, turns it into a "magic crutch" for those people who, in general, cannot walk yet. But experience shows that there are no “magic crutches”. If people do not love each other, if they treat each other as a consumer, if they are married and are not going to change anything in their lives, to become real Christians, then this Sacrament will not be for their salvation, but for even greater condemnation. And their marriage is likely to fall apart, not strengthen.
- Why?
- Because any approach of God is a crisis: it aggravates, brings the existing situation to a certain extreme tension. Divine objects are not a joke: they require proper treatment. And if a person is ready to sacrifice himself, his interests, to break out to Christ, the crisis turns out to be salutary and useful for him. If he is not ready, does not want to change, then this exposure, the exacerbation of his true state only accelerates the possible disintegration of the family.
God cannot be scorned. And the Church is His territory, the place of His special, exclusive presence. Therefore, getting married “just in case”, “what if it works” is not worth it. And the huge number of requests for the so-called "church divorce", which is available in all dioceses, is the best evidence of this ...
Therefore, if we are talking about people who look into the Church, who, in fact, are not Christians, for them the form of legal marriage is quite enough.
Ready - not ready
- If this is such a serious step, is it worth taking it right away? Some couples postpone the wedding, not feeling ready enough for it ...
- It happens. You see, this process of maturation before the wedding takes place in parallel with churching.
I know spouses who are believers and church people who have been married for about 50 years, but who at the same time are not yet ripe to come to church and get married. There is no such spiritual kinship and unity between them to perform this Sacrament - the process is not yet complete. There are many such examples.
- Is it more good than bad?
- This is bad. But if they got married and after that nothing would change in their life, it would be even worse.
Rather, I am sympathetic to the position of those non-church young people who, having played a wedding, are in no hurry to get married right away. There is a healthy grain of it: it is a sign of responsibility. Such spouses must live in a legal marriage, bear children, love each other, slowly change themselves, become a church member and, when they grow up to a church marriage, get married.
However, if people have already been living a full-fledged church life for a sufficient time, if each of them has cognized Christ and lives by Him in his own measure, then for such people to marry without going through a wedding is abnormal and more than strange. When believers, church-going spouses for some reason do not get married, this should suggest that something is wrong here.
- Why? If this is "ripening", then it occurs in different couples at different times ...
- Because for a Christian, marriage and family are not just a "social unit", and even less an "institution for the lawful use of each other." This is a living example of how completely independent and separate individuals can coexist in complete unity. The family is a unity: everyone lives according to the law of love, and at the same time, no one suppresses, absorbs, displaces anyone. You can draw an analogy with the Holy Trinity: God the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Spirit live in full love, complete harmony and unceasing self-giving to each other, and in this they acquire the absolute fullness of being and the very bliss to which we are all called. And therefore, for the Church, marriage is one of the fundamental concepts.
The relationship between Christ and the Church by the Lord himself is identified with the marriage relationship: the Church is called the Bride of Christ. The Apostle Paul, all the holy fathers, to one degree or another, have this marriage allegory. And this only says that there is no higher relationship in a person's life, more conducive to salvation than marriage. We can safely say that marriage is a kind of "springboard" to salvation. But as there are various risks associated with a springboard, the same is with marriage: without embarking on this path, you will not reach certain heights and will never know what flying in free fall is, but, having entered, you must understand that you are not expected only shining peaks, but also the danger of breaking your back.
- Can the spouses go to the wedding as a conscious step towards unity? Asking God for support in this?
- Yes, this is the most correct approach.
If a husband and wife have a desire to arrange their lives in a Christian way, of course, it is better for them to enter into marriage through the Sacrament of Wedding. But this is possible only when each of them understands the full measure of responsibility that he takes on. Responsibility is not only that they have no right to divorce, no matter what happens there, but also spiritual responsibility. For the way of life, which each of them, according to his own strength, tries to carry out according to the Gospel commandments.
- It turns out that this Sacrament is both the beginning of something qualitatively new and the pinnacle of some internal process?
- In this case, the wedding is a really and important beginning, and the pinnacle, a kind of evidence that the spouses really achieved some kind of spiritual unity, in their aspirations to God, their trajectories ceased to be parallel and began to strive for unity. In this case, the desire to receive a church blessing and the consecration of marriage becomes a completely natural and legitimate desire.
Debunking "debunking"
- Many people talk about "debunking". Does such an order exist in reality?
“Debunking” is a completely mythical thing. There is no rite of removing a church blessing for marriage. There is testimony to the Church when, out of her condescension to a person who has not been able to bear the feat of marriage she has taken upon herself, she gives him a blessing for a second marriage.
- How far does the condescension of the Church go? Is it permissible to get married in a second, third, etc. marriage?
- Indeed, there is a rite of marriage for second-weds, which is rather a rite of repentance.
- Is he independent, separate?
- Yes, this is an independent rank for those who enter into a second marriage. But, of course, the rank for triples no longer exists. In some extreme cases, in special situations, a blessing may be given for a third marriage - but without a wedding. And there really must be some completely exceptional cases and sufficient grounds for such a decision! And, of course, no priest will take upon himself such a responsibility: this is wholly and completely the domain of the bishop's authority. Naturally, such a situation cannot be the norm. Here we see a manifestation of oikonomia, an extreme concession to the Church, in order to give a person the opportunity to receive communion, to continue living the church life.
- This is, in fact, a blessing for a marriage without a wedding?
- In fact, this is just a blessing for the communion of a person who, due to his weakness, is in the third marriage, and a request to God for the forgiveness of his sins.
Difficult questions: infidelity, second marriage, different faith
- If one of the spouses is an unbeliever, but out of love for his “second half” reads books about Christianity, somehow prepares for the wedding - is it permissible to perform the Sacrament over such a couple?
- I think yes. And the Apostle Paul says about this: an unbelieving wife is sanctified by a believing husband, and vice versa. A spouse who is closer to Christ may well become a source of light for another. And there are a huge number of such examples - when love for one's "other half" becomes for a person the most important step in his life to Christ. We know a large number of such couples abroad: when the Gentiles marry Russian girls, for example, and, realizing how much Christianity means, the Orthodox Church is gradually drawn into the element of divine service life. This is a living example for me, since I have just returned from England and have seen many such couples, where one of the spouses discovered the beauty of Christianity for the other.
- Does the Orthodox Church allow the wedding of Orthodox Christians with Christians of other confessions?
- Paradoxically, yes. As stated in the Fundamentals of the Social Concept of the Russian Orthodox Church, a wedding can be performed between Orthodox and Catholics, members of the Ancient Eastern Churches and Protestants who profess faith in the Triune God. A prerequisite for such a wedding is the celebration of the Sacrament in the Orthodox Church and the upbringing of children in Orthodoxy. Saint Philaret of Moscow repeatedly admitted this.
This is an amazing fact! And one more evidence that marriage is a phenomenon that goes far beyond the limits of only human relations. At one time, the religious philosopher Vasily Vasilyevich Rozanov wrote: "The connection of sex with God is greater than the connection of the mind with God, even than the connection of conscience with God." ...
Indeed, what is an integral part of marriage primarily affects some deep, spiritual aspects of a person. And I think that the Church is not without reason so harshly opposed to any form of close relationships between people, except for legal marriage. The Church, like a child-loving Mother, endlessly values and anxiously guards what happens in marriage, and just as resolutely and uncompromisingly treats what happens outside of it.
- Do you mean fornication, treason, cohabitation?
- Yes. This greatly emasculates and spoils an important part of human nature, where the meeting of a person with God takes place. Why is monasticism, for example, unthinkable without the feat of chastity, the feat of absolute abstinence from sexual activity? Why was it originally associated with virginity? Monks and nuns who had no experience of sex life at all were always distinguished especially - and it was such monasticism that was considered a real, genuine devotion of oneself to God. This is a very subtle, mystical moment of the betrothal of the whole person to Christ. One can even say that it is a kind of spiritual “marriage” with the Creator, which requires the same completeness of bestowal as an ordinary marriage requires from spouses.
In monasticism, a person completely entrusts himself to God - he lives by him, he feeds on him, he rejoices, he is inspired by him. And here there can be no "bigamy" or split. In the same way as in marriage: there can be nothing in addition to or in spite of your other half in a healthy and happy marriage.
It is very regrettable that the "sidewalking" in secular society has long been tolerated. And this must be shouted out loudly: any cohabitation, any adultery is a huge tragedy for all its participants and for the whole family, where this unfortunate victim of the passion of fornication lives. Moreover, as long as there is treason, fornication, there can be no talk of any reconciliation with God in principle. Not because church canons are so cruel, illiberal, “inhuman”. And because fornication is a deep breakdown not only of the soul, but even at the physiological level. People who take this path burn out with the passion of fornication that area of their soul that is infinitely significant for God - after all, in it they could find reconciliation with Him! Until this wound heals, absolutely nothing can be done about it.
- It's not only about treason as such, but also about a slight hobby on the side, about thoughts?
- In patristic asceticism there is a very clear gradation of thoughts - when exactly a passionate, prodigal thought that has come to a person can already be considered a sin. The Savior himself said: Anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.(Mt 5 : 28). Fornication materializes the falling away from loyalty to his spouse, which has already taken place in a person's soul. But it all starts with a thought.
In general, we do not understand a lot of what happens in marriage. And no matter how extensive the research in the field of intimate relationships between a man and a woman is, we cannot fully understand the nature of these relationships. Here we go beyond the limits of science as such and pass into a spiritual dimension rather than a physiological one.
- That is, we can say that marriage itself is a Sacrament?
- I think I will agree. And it is interesting that St. John Chrysostom also wrote in his time: “The crowns rely on the heads of those who are married as a sign of victory, in order to show that they, invincible by passion before marriage, as such approach the marriage bed, that is, are able to overcomers of the lust of the flesh. " This understanding of the wedding is directly opposite to how it is sometimes perceived today, like a forced church blessing for sexual cohabitation of two people overwhelmed by lust, "legalized fornication" - so that they do not leave the Church altogether. And St. John Chrysostom says: we crown them because they have conquered their lust, that they are already driven by love, which turns out to be much higher and stronger than lust. And then they, as Christians, must first of all be moved by love, not lust. After all, passionate movements someday will still go away - but love itself will only be strengthened and purified. And here, virginity, complete physical purity of both spouses act as a guarantee of just such a development of relations.
Preparation: practical points
- There is an opinion that a wedding is such a personal matter that takes place between two people and God that only the wedding couple and the priest should be present ...
- I believe that there is nothing wrong with the absence of witnesses at the wedding. In England or Greece, this Sacrament is also one of the forms of legalization of marriage - there religious confessions are given the right to issue state certificates of marriage. We do not have this in our country: the sacrament takes place within the church community and does not require witnesses to what people have promised each other - this is their business before God.
But it is precisely with this that a strict requirement is connected: we marry people only after they have entered into a legal marriage and official registration. Except in extreme cases when this issue is difficult for some objective reason, and not because people do not want to sign, but want to live for their own pleasure and at the same time have some spiritual preferences.
- If relatives are indifferent or negatively related to the Church, what is the best way to proceed: to call them in order to join the Sacrament, or not?
- This is one of those questions that allow both answers. There are advantages to both. Indeed, often people want this Sacrament to be performed on them without witnesses - this is a personal, intimate contract between them and God. The spouses themselves must decide what to do, based on how it will be more convenient for them and how it seems more expedient for them.
- What is the role of parents in the wedding?
- In Roman, Greek, and Jewish traditions, the most important element of marriage was the moment when the bride's father joins the hands of the spouses - and transfers her hand to the groom's hand. That is, parents transfer their child into the hands of his “other half”. This moment is in the ancient rites of the wedding, it was preserved in Catholicism, but in our country, unfortunately, it turned out to be lost. However, otgo his elbow remained: when the priest, before the beginning of the rite of betrothal, joins the hands of the spouses, covering them with the epitrakhil, and, holding hands, leads the bride and groom from the vestibule to the temple, and also when, already during the Sacrament, they all go around the lectern three times in the center of the temple. For the rest, parents during the Sacrament are only witnesses and somprayers to their children.
- How should the spouses themselves prepare for the wedding?
- For church people, the preparation for the wedding is no different from the usual preparation for participation in the sacraments. Except that they should think carefully whether they are ready to take on their spouse or their spouse with all his weaknesses, passions, problems. Understanding clearly that you should not expect that your “half” in marriage will become much better than you know her now. And this is a certain daring that a person dares before God Himself! A person must clearly understand what he takes over.
If he is ready to take on another, and in the worst case that he knows about, then one can hope that this marriage will take place. And if he expects that all the shortcomings of his spouse will disappear somewhere, and everything that inspires him, pleases, will reveal even more ... then, most likely, everything will be exactly the opposite.
- Tough. So you have to be realistic? And timidly hope that both of you will get better?
- To hope timidly - yes, but you cannot count. Why, in the mind of a Christian, marriage and monasticism are practically identical things? And there, and there a person sacrifices himself to another. And there are no guarantees that this sacrifice will be accepted, understood, appreciated. All happy marriages went through a very difficult, difficult, painful path of "grinding" both spouses, grinding them together. And this is always associated with the maximum belittling of one's own interests, oneself, one's wishes, one's ideas about what should be in a marriage. This is the process of "growing" into each other.
Moreover, this is "ingrowth" of organisms that are very different at all levels. Gilbert Chesterton owns a saying that has become an aphorism: by male standards any woman is crazy, by female standards any man is a monster; man and woman are psychologically incompatible. And that's great! Because in this way they become one for another the object of Christian work, borrow from each other the qualities they lack and share the best that is in themselves. The apostle Paul wrote: Now is your surplus to make up for their lack; and after their excess to make up for your lack(2 Cor 8 :fourteen). And in such a constant relationship and interpenetration, an integral organism of the Christian family is built, which really has the right to continue and after it disappears, everything that is associated with physiology becomes unnecessary. We know that in the Kingdom of Heaven there is no marriage as a union of the sexes, but unity remains ... Finding themselves behind the coffin without a body, the spouses still maintain their unity! But you still need to grow up to that. How many grow up? This is the question.
Photo by Marina Alexandrova
Is it obligatory to take communion before the wedding?
This is not strictly obligatory, but it is natural for a believer to confess and partake of Christ before the most important events in his life. And in the Ancient Church, communion was one of the important parts of a wedding. Some words preserved in the ancient rites of wedding (for example, the exclamation: "Presanctified Holy to the Saints") testifies to the fact that in the early Church, after communion of all members of the church community, the Holy Gifts were left to commune the newlyweds with them during their wedding.
What is a “wedding liturgy”?
This is the Liturgy, usually performed by a bishop, in the rite of which the rite of wedding is included. It takes place, for example, in the Balkan and Greek churches. Now wedding Liturgies appear in Russia as well. However, this is more of an innovation: there is no evidence that this had historical precedents before.
If people have different confessors, how can they choose a priest who will marry them?
A conciliar wedding is possible, when several priests perform the Sacrament at once. And this is a common practice. There is almost no other way among the clergy.
How much does it cost to participate in the Sacrament?
No Sacrament can be evaluated, and there can be no price for a wedding. However, after the performance of the requirements (that is, services at the request of the laity), it is customary to donate to the temple, according to the strength and conscience of the person. It should be understood that a wedding is the most "resource-intensive" Sacrament: here, as a rule, you need at least a quartet of singers, or even a whole choir, for which, of course, you need to pay for their work. It is best to ask church officials how donations are made. In some parishes, you may be given their approximate size, but the payment of a certain amount in no case can be a necessary condition for the performance of the Sacrament.
The sacrament of marriage
"Marriage is a sacrament in which, with a free promise, before the priest and the Church, the groom and the bride of mutual marital fidelity, their conjugal union is blessed, in the image of the spiritual union of Christ with the Church and the grace of pure unanimity is asked for the blessed birth and Christian upbringing of children."
(Orthodox catechism)
"Marriage is a union of a man and a woman, an agreement for life, communication in Divine and human right" (Pilot, ch. 48).
The all-good God created from the dust of the earthly man and, having endowed him with the eternal breath of life, made him the ruler over the earthly creation. According to His all-merciful design, the Lord created from Adam's rib his wife - Eve, accompanying this with secretly effective words: “It is not good for a man to be alone; let us make him a helper corresponding to him ”(Genesis 2:18). And they dwelt in Eden until the Fall, when, having transgressed the commandment, seduced by the wicked tempter, they were expelled from Paradise. By the good judgment of the Creator, Eve became a companion on the arduous earthly path of Adam, and through her painful childbirth, she became the foremother of the human race. The first human couple, having received from God the promise of the Redeemer of mankind and the Destroyer of the head of the enemy (Genesis 3:15), was also the first keeper of the saving tradition, which then, in the offspring of Seth, passed with a life-giving mysterious stream from generation to generation, indicating the expected coming Savior. It was the goal of the first covenant of God with people and, being represented in events and prophecies, was realized in the Incarnation of the Eternal-begotten by the Father Word from the Holy Spirit and the Most-Blessed Ever-Virgin Mary, New Eve, who is truly “our kind of appeal” (Akathist to the Most Holy Theotokos).
The Relationship of Spouses in Christian Marriage
Marriage is enlightenment and, at the same time, a mystery. In it there is a transformation of a person, an expansion of his personality. A person acquires a new vision, a new sense of life, is born into the world in a new fullness. Only in Marriage is it possible to fully cognize a person, to see another person. In Marriage, a person plunges into life, entering it through another person. This knowledge and life gives that feeling of complete completeness and satisfaction, which makes us richer and wiser.
This completeness deepens even further with the emergence of the third, merged together, from the two, their child. A perfect married couple will give birth to a perfect child, and it will continue to develop according to the laws of perfection; but if there is an invincible discord, a contradiction between the parents, then the child will be a product of this contradiction and will continue it.
Through the sacrament of Marriage, grace is granted for raising children, which Christian spouses only promote, as the Apostle Paul says: “Not me, however, but the grace of God, which is with me” (1 Cor. 15, 10).
The Guardian Angels, given to infants from holy Baptism, secretly but tangibly assist parents in raising their children, averting various dangers from them.
If in Marriage only an external union took place, and not the victory of each of the two over his own self and pride, then this will also affect the child, entail his inevitable alienation from his parents - a split in the home Church.
But it is also impossible to forcibly restrain, inspire, force to be the way the father and mother want, the one who, having received a body from them, has taken from God the main thing - the one and only person with his own path in life. Therefore, for the upbringing of children, the most important thing is that they see their parents living a true spiritual life and glowing with love.
Human individualism and self-love create special difficulties in Marriage. They can only be overcome through the efforts of both spouses. Both must build up Marriage daily, fighting against the vain daily passions that undermine its spiritual foundation - love. The festive joy of the first day should last a lifetime; every day should be a holiday, every day a husband and wife should be new to each other. The only way for this is to deepen the spiritual life of everyone, work on oneself, walk before God. The worst thing in Marriage is the loss of love, and it sometimes disappears because of trifles, so all thoughts and efforts must be directed to preserving love and spirituality in the family - everything else will come by itself. This work must be started from the very first days of life together. It would seem that the simplest, but also the most difficult thing is the determination to take everyone his place in marriage: the wife humbly takes second place, the husband - to take the burden and responsibility to be the head. If there is this determination and desire, God will always help on this difficult, martyr's, but also blessed path. It is not for nothing that while walking around the lectern they sing "The Holy Martyrs ...".
It is said about a woman - “a weak vessel”. This "weakness" consists mainly in the subordination of a woman to the natural elements in herself and outside of her. As a result - weak self-control, irresponsibility, passion, shortsightedness in judgments, words, actions. Almost no woman is free from this, she is often the slave of her passions, her likes and dislikes, her desires.
Only in Christ does a woman become equal to a man, subordinates her temperament to higher principles, acquires prudence, patience, the ability to reason, and wisdom. Only then is her friendship with her husband possible.
However, neither a man, let alone a woman, has absolute power over each other in marriage. Violence against the will of another, even in the name of love, kills love itself. It follows from this that one does not always have to humbly submit to such violence, since it contains a danger for the dearest. Most unhappy marriages stem from the fact that each party considers itself the owner of the one they love. Almost all family difficulties and discord are from here. The greatest wisdom of Christian Marriage is to give complete freedom to the one you love, for our earthly Marriage is a semblance of a heavenly marriage - Christ and the Church - and there is complete freedom. The secret of the happiness of Christian spouses lies in the joint fulfillment of the will of God, which unites their souls with each other and with Christ. At the heart of this happiness is striving for the highest, common object of love for them, which attracts everything to itself (John 12, 32). Then the whole family life will be directed towards Him, and the union of those who have been combined will be strengthened. And without love for the Savior, no connection is strong, for neither mutual attraction, nor common tastes, nor common earthly interests not only contain a true and lasting connection, but, on the contrary, often all these values suddenly begin to serve as separation.
The Christian marriage union has the deepest spiritual foundation, which neither bodily intercourse possesses, for the body is subject to disease and aging, nor the life of feelings, which is changeable in nature, nor community in the field of common worldly interests and activities, "for the image of this world passes away" (1 Cor. 7:31). The life of a Christian married couple can be likened to the rotation of the Earth with its constant satellite, the Moon, around the Sun. Christ is the Sun of righteousness, warming His children and shining for them in darkness.
“Glorious is the yoke of two believers,” says Tertullian, “who have the same hope, live according to the same rules, serving the One Lord. Together they pray, fast together, teach and admonish one another. Together they are in the Church, together at the Lord's Supper, together in sorrow and persecution, in repentance and joy. They are pleasing to Christ, and He sends down His peace to them. And where there are two in His name, there is no place for any evil. "
Establishment of the Sacrament of Marriage and the History of the Rite
The marriage union of a man and a woman was established by the Creator Himself in paradise after the creation of the first people whom the Lord created man and woman and blessed with the words: "Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth, and possess it ..." (Gen. 1:28). The Old Testament expresses many times the view of marriage as a work blessed by God Himself.
After His coming to earth, the Lord Jesus Christ not only confirmed the inviolability of marriage, noted in the Law (Lev. 20:10), but also elevated it to the degree of a sacrament: “And the Pharisees came to Him, and tempting Him, said to Him: Is it permissible for a man to divorce his wife? He answered and said to them: Have you not read that He who made the first man and woman created them? And he said: Therefore a man will leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife, and the two will be one flesh, so they are no longer two, but one flesh. So what God has combined, let not man separate ”(Matthew 19: 3-6).
Coming out into the world for His open ministry to the human race, He appeared with His Mother and His disciples at a wedding feast in Cana of Galilee and performed the first miracle there, turning water into wine, and by His presence consecrated this and all marriages concluded by the faithful and loving God and each other's spouses.
“God Himself unites those who are sanctified by the sacrament and is present among them,” says Clement of Alexandria about the holiness of Marriage. “From Thee, a wife is combined for a husband,” says the prayer of the rite of betrothal; "Yourself, Lord, send down your hand and combine." The Lord sanctifies the union of spouses in the sacrament of Marriage and preserves the imperishable union of their souls and bodies in mutual love in the image of Christ and the Church.
Holy Christian virginity and the holy sacrament of Marriage - these are the two paths indicated by the faithful in the Word of God (Matt. 19: 11-12; 1 Cor. 7, 7, 10). The Church has always blessed both of these paths and condemned, as you know, those who criticize both. Already in the 1st century, Saint Ignatius the God-bearer testified about these two paths of a pious life in his letter to Saint Polycarp of Smyrna:
“Teach my sisters that they love the Lord and be pleased with their spouses in flesh and spirit; In the same way advise my brothers, that in the name of Jesus Christ they love their spouses, as the Lord loves the Church. And whoever can abide in purity in honor of the flesh of the Lord, let him abide, but without vanity. " The Apostle Paul urges not to listen to the false teachers “forbidding marriage” that will appear in the end times. Until the end of time, marriages of Orthodox Christians will be performed for the glory of God and for the benefit of mankind, and the blessed family life will still flourish, for the blessing that is requested for the whole Church is also given to the small Church - the Christian family. “God forces! Turn, look down from heaven, and look, and visit this grape; Guard what Thy right hand has planted, and the branches that Thou hast strengthened for Thyself "(Psalm 79: 15-16)."
The marriage ceremony has its own ancient history. Even in the patriarchal period, marriage was considered a special institution, but little is known about the marriage rites of that time. From the history of Isaac's marriage to Rebekah, we know that he offered gifts to his bride, that Eleazar consulted with Rebekah's father regarding her marriage, and then a wedding feast was arranged. In later times in Israel's history, marriage ceremonies developed significantly. Adhering to the patriarchal custom, the groom, in the presence of strangers, had to first of all offer the bride a gift, usually consisting of silver coins. Then they proceeded to conclude a marriage contract, which determined the mutual obligations of the future husband and wife. At the end of these preliminary acts, a solemn blessing of the spouses followed. For this, a special tent was set up in the open air: the groom came here, accompanied by several men, whom the Evangelist Luke calls "sons of marriage", and the Evangelist John - "the groom's friends." The bride was accompanied by women. Here they were greeted with a greeting: "Blessed be everyone who comes here!" Then the bride was circled three times around the groom and placed on the right side of him. The women covered the bride with a thick veil. Then all present turned to the east; the groom took the bride's hands and they received ritual wishes from the guests. A rabbi approached, covered the bride with a sacred veil, took a cup of wine in his hand and pronounced the formula for a marriage blessing. The bride and groom drank from this cup. After that, the groom took the gold ring and put it on the bride's index finger himself, saying: "Remember that you were united with me according to the law of Moses and the Israelites." Then the marriage contract was read in the presence of witnesses and the rabbi, who, holding another cup of wine in his hands, pronounced seven blessings. The newlyweds drank wine from this cup again. At the same time, the groom broke the first bowl, which he had previously held in his hand, against the wall, if the bride was a girl, or on the ground, if she was a widow. This ceremony was supposed to remind of the destruction of Jerusalem. After that, the tent in which the wedding ceremony took place was removed and the wedding feast began - the wedding. The feast lasted seven days to commemorate the fact that Laban had once made Jacob work in his house for seven years for Leah and seven years for Rachel. During this seven-day period, the groom had to give the dowry to the bride and thus fulfill the prenuptial agreement.
When comparing the Jewish marriage rite with the Christian one, a number of similar points are striking, but the main thing is that in the Christian rite of Marriage, there are constant references to the Old Testament righteous men and prophets: Abraham and Sarah, Isaac and Rebekah, Jacob and Rachel, Moses and Zipporah. Apparently, the image of the Old Testament Marriage stood before the compiler of the Christian rite. Another influence that the Christian marriage ceremony has undergone in the process of formation has its origins in the Greco-Roman tradition.
In Christianity, Marriage has been blessed since apostolic times. Church writer III century. Tertullian says: "How to portray the happiness of a Marriage approved by the Church, sanctified by her prayers, blessed by God!"
The marriage ceremony in ancient times was preceded by betrothal, which was a civil act and was performed according to local customs and regulations, as far as, of course, it was possible for Christians. The betrothal was performed solemnly in the presence of many witnesses who sealed the marriage contract. The latter was an official document that determined the property and legal relationships of spouses. The betrothal was accompanied by the ceremony of joining the hands of the groom and the bride, in addition, the groom gave the bride a ring made of iron, silver or gold, depending on the wealth of the groom. Clement, Bishop of Alexandria, in chapter II of his "Teacher" says: "A man should give a woman a gold ring, not for her external adornment, but in order to put a seal on the household, which since then has passed into her possession and entrusted to her care." ...
The expression "put a seal" is explained by the fact that in those days a ring (ring), or rather a stone set in it with a carved emblem, served simultaneously as a seal, which was used to capture the property of a given person and to fasten business papers. Christians carved seals on their rings with images of fish, anchors, birds and other Christian symbols. The wedding ring was usually worn on the fourth (ring) finger of the left hand. This has a basis in the anatomy of the human body: one of the finest nerves of this finger is in direct contact with the heart, at least at the level of ideas of that time.
By the X-XI centuries. the betrothal loses its civic significance, and this rite is performed already in the church, accompanied by appropriate prayers. But for a long time, the betrothal was performed separately from the wedding and was combined with the succession of Matins. The final uniformity of the betrothal rank was received only by the 17th century.
The rite of the wedding itself - weddings in ancient times was performed through prayer, blessing and the laying on of the bishop in the church during the liturgy. Evidence that rejection was introduced in ancient times in the rite of the liturgy is the presence of a number of overlapping constituent elements in both modern orders: the initial exclamation "Blessed be the Kingdom ...", peaceful liturgy, the reading of the Apostle and the Gospel, augmented litany, our Lord ... ", singing" Our Father "and, finally, the communion of the chalice. All these elements are obviously taken from the rite of the liturgy and are closest in their structure to the rite of the liturgy of the Presanctified Gifts.
In the 4th century, wedding crowns, placed on the heads of the spouses, came into use. In the West, they were matched with nuptial covers. At first, these were wreaths of flowers, later they began to be made of metal, giving them the shape of a royal crown. They mark the victory over the passions and remind of the royal dignity of the first human couple - Adam and Eve, - to whom the Lord gave possession of all earthly creation: "... and fill the earth, and possess it ..." (Gen. 1:28) ...
Despite the fact that already by the 13th century, the marriage ceremony was performed separately from the liturgy, the two sacraments were closely related. Therefore, from antiquity to our time, the bride and groom, who want to combine the sacrament of Marriage, prepare themselves to receive grace by fasting and repentance, and on the day of the wedding they partake of the Holy Divine Mysteries together.
In some parishes of the southwestern dioceses, the betrothal is accompanied by an oath of allegiance, which the spouses give to each other. This rite is borrowed from Western tradition and is not indicated in the modern Orthodox Trebnik. However, given the deep rootedness of this custom in the minds of local parishioners, who regard it as almost the most essential part of a marriage ceremony, caution should be exercised in excluding this oath from office. Moreover, it does not contain dogmatic contradictions with the Orthodox understanding of the sacrament of Marriage.
Place and time of the sacrament of marriage
In our time, church marriage is devoid of civil legal force, therefore, weddings are usually performed over spouses who have previously registered their civil marriage at the registry office. " the spouses have reached the age of marriage and are already in a civil marriage, is not an obstacle to the performance of the sacrament. The rite can only be performed by a legally appointed priest who is not under canonical prohibition. It is not accepted that the sacrament of marriage is performed by a priest who has taken monastic vows. , the priest can marry his own son or daughter himself.
According to the canonical rules, it is not allowed to have a wedding during all four fasts, on cheese week, Easter week, in the period from the Nativity of Christ to the Epiphany (Christmastide). According to pious custom, it is not customary to marry on Saturday, as well as on the eve of the twelve, great and temple holidays, so that the pre-holiday evening does not pass in noisy fun and entertainment. In addition, in the Russian Orthodox Church, weddings are not performed on Tuesdays and Thursdays (on the eve of fast days - Wednesdays and Fridays), on the eve and on the days of the Beheading of John the Baptist (August 29) and the Exaltation of the Lord's Cross (September 14). Exceptions to these rules can be made if need be only by the ruling bishop. The wedding is recommended to be performed after the Liturgy, during which the bride and groom partake of the Holy Mysteries.
Ecclesiastical canonical obstacles to marriage
The priest, before having a wedding, should find out if there are church-canonical obstacles to the conclusion of a church marriage between these persons. First of all, it should be noted that the Orthodox Church, although it considers civil marriage to be devoid of grace, in fact recognizes it and does not at all consider it illegal fornication. However, the conditions for contracting a marriage, established by civil law and church canons, have significant differences, so not every civil marriage registered with the registry office can be consecrated in the sacrament of Marriage.
Thus, the fourth and fifth marriages allowed by civil law are not blessed by the Church. The Church does not allow marriage more than three times; it is forbidden to marry persons who are in close degrees of kinship. The church does not bless a marriage if one of the spouses (or both) declare themselves to be convinced atheists who have come to church only at the insistence of one of the spouses or parents, if at least one of the spouses is unbaptized and is not ready to be baptized before the wedding. All these circumstances are clarified when drawing up documents for a wedding behind a church box, and, in the cases listed above, he refuses to take part in a church marriage.
First of all, you cannot get married if one of the spouses is actually married to another person. A civil marriage must be dissolved in accordance with the established procedure, and if the previous marriage was a church marriage, then the bishop's permission to dissolve it and a blessing to enter into a new marriage is required.
An obstacle to marriage is also the consanguinity of the bride and groom, as well as spiritual kinship acquired through baptismal acceptance.
There are two types of kinship: consanguinity and "property", that is, kinship between relatives of two spouses. Blood relationship exists between persons with a common ancestor: between parents and children, grandfather and granddaughter, between cousins and second cousins, uncles and nieces (first and second cousins), etc.
The property exists between persons who do not have a common, sufficiently close ancestor, but become related through marriage. A distinction should be made between the two-blood property, or two-blood property, established through one marriage, and the three-blood property, or three-blood property, which is established in the presence of two marriage unions. The two-kin property contains the husband's relatives with the wife's relatives. In a three-kinship property there are relatives of the wife of one brother and relatives of the wife of another brother, or relatives of the first and second wife of one man.
In a two-kindred property, when finding its degree, two cases must be taken into account: a) property between one of the spouses and blood relatives of the other, b) property between blood relatives of both spouses. In the first case, the relatives of one spouse are in relation to the other in the same degree as they would be if they were his own blood relatives, since the husband and wife are one flesh in marriage, namely: father-in-law and mother-in-law are to a son-in-law in the first degree, like his own parents, only, of course, in a two-kindred property; brothers and sisters of a wife (shurya and sister-in-law) - in the second degree, like siblings, and also, of course, in a two-kin property, etc. The methods of calculating the degrees of a property in this case are the same as in homogeneous kinship. In the second case, when the degree of the property is found between the blood relatives of both spouses, it is necessary to determine: a) to what extent the husband's relative is in relation to him and b) to what extent the wife's relative, in relation to whom the degree is determined, is separated from her; then the number of degrees of both sides is added up, and the resulting sum will show to what extent the husband's relative and the wife's relative are apart from each other. For example, there is one degree between a given person and his father-in-law; between this person and his sister-in-law - two degrees, between the husband's brother and wife's sister - four degrees, etc.
In a three-kindred property, originating from the union through marriage of three kinds or surnames, the degrees of inherent relationships are considered in the same way as in the two-kindred property, that is, they again add up to the total sum of the number of degrees in which these persons are separated from the main ones. persons through which they are connected to each other in kinship, and this total determines the degree of their mutual kinship.
In the case of consanguinity, church marriage is unconditionally prohibited up to the fourth degree of kinship inclusive, with the property of two-kin - up to the third degree, with a three-kinship property, marriage is not permitted if the spouses are in the first degree of such kinship.
Spiritual kinship exists between the godfather and his godson and between the godmother and her goddaughter, as well as between the parents of the received from the font and the recipient of the same sex as the perceived (nepotism). Since according to the canons, baptism requires one recipient of the same sex as the one being baptized, the second recipient is a tribute to tradition and, therefore, there are no canonical obstacles to the conclusion of a church marriage between the recipients of one infant. Strictly speaking, for the same reason, there is no spiritual relationship between the godfather and his goddaughter and between the godmother and her godson. However, a pious custom prohibits such marriages, therefore, in order to avoid temptation, in this case, one should seek special instructions from the ruling bishop.
The bishop's permission is also required for the wedding of an Orthodox person with a person of another Christian denomination (Catholic, Baptist). Of course, a marriage does not get married if at least one of the spouses professes a non-Christian religion (Islam, Judaism, Buddhism). However, a marriage contracted according to a non-Orthodox rite and even a non-Christian one, concluded before the spouses joined the Orthodox Church, can be considered valid at the request of the spouses, even if only one of the spouses was baptized. During the conversion to Christianity of both spouses, whose marriage was concluded according to a non-Christian rite, the sacrament of Marriage is not necessary, since the grace of Baptism also sanctifies their marriage.
You cannot marry someone who once bound himself with the monastic vow of virginity, as well as priests and deacons after their ordination.
As for the majority of the bride and groom, their mental and physical health, free and voluntary consent, since a civil marriage cannot be preliminarily registered without meeting these conditions, the Church, if there is a marriage certificate, is exempted from clarifying these circumstances.
Dissolution of Church Marriage
The right to recognize an ecclesiastical marriage as non-existent and to be allowed to enter into a new ecclesiastical Marriage belongs only to the bishop. On the basis of the submitted Divorce Certificate of the Civil Registry Office, the diocesan bishop withdraws the previous blessing and gives permission to enter into a new church marriage, if, of course, there are no canonical obstacles to this.
Engagement succession
At the end of the liturgy, the bride and groom stand in the narthex of the church, facing the altar; the groom is on the right, the bride is on the left. The priest in full vestments leaves the altar through the royal doors, holding the cross and the Gospel in his hands. A candle is brought out in front of the priest. He places the cross and the Gospel on a lectern standing in the middle of the church.
The rings with which the spouses will be engaged are during the liturgy on the right side of the Holy See, close to each other: on the left - gold, on the right - silver. The deacon, following the priest, carries them out on a special tray. The priest, approaching the new brides with two lighted candles, blesses them three times with a priest's blessing and gives them candles.
Light is a sign of joy, fire gives warmth, therefore lighted candles reveal the joy of meeting two loving people. At the same time, it is a symbol of their purity and chastity. They also remind us that a person's life is not closed, not separated, it takes place in a society of people, and everything that happens to a person, with light or darkness, warm or cold, resonates in the souls of the people around him. If strife and division are defeated, if these two emit the light of love, then, leaving the temple, they will no longer be two, but one being.
“For everyone who does evil hates the light and does not go to the light, lest his deeds be exposed, because they are evil. But she who posits truth goes to the light, so that his deeds may be made manifest, because they are made in God ”(John 3: 20-21).
Candles are not given if both of the spouses enter into Marriage for the second (third) time, recalling the Gospel parable, which says that the virgins (ie virgins) went out to meet the Bridegroom with lighted lamps (Matt. 25: 1). The candles must be lit throughout the entire ordinance of Marriage, so they must be large enough.
The priest introduces the bride and groom inside the temple, where the betrothal will take place. The ceremony begins with incense and prayer in front of the crowned people in imitation of the pious Tobias), who kindled the liver and heart of the fish in order to drive away the demon hostile to honest marriages with smoke and prayer (Tov. 8: 2). After this, the prayers of the Church for the spouses begin.
Following the usual beginning: "Blessed be our God ..." the Great Litany is pronounced, which contains petitions for the salvation of the spouses; about giving them children for procreation; about sending them love, perfect, peaceful and help; about keeping them in like-mindedness and firm faith; about their blessing into a blameless life: "For yes, our Lord our God will grant them An honorable marriage and an unshakable bed, let us pray to the Lord ..."
Then two short prayers are read, in which praise is given to God who unites the divided and laid unions of love, and a blessing is requested on the new brides. The blessed Marriage of Isaac and Rebekah is remembered as an example of virginity and purity and the fulfillment of the promise of God in their offspring. The bride is likened from time immemorial to the pre-betrothed virgin pure - the Church of Christ.
The priest, taking first the gold ring, says three times:
"The servant of God (name) is betrothed to the servant of God (name)." Each time these words are uttered, he makes the sign of the cross over the groom's head and puts the ring on the fourth (ring) finger of his right hand. Then he takes a silver ring and says, marking the bride's head with a cross, three times:
"The servant of God (name) is betrothed to the servant of God (name)," and puts a ring on her also on the fourth finger of her right hand.
The golden ring symbolizes with its brilliance the sun, the light of which is likened to the husband in the marriage union; silver - a likeness of the moon, a smaller luminary, shining with reflected sunlight. The ring is a sign of the eternity and continuity of the marriage union, for the grace of the Holy Spirit is continuous and eternal.
Then, as a sign of giving oneself for life to each other, and to the Lord of both in an inseparable way, as a sign of unanimity, consent and mutual assistance in the upcoming marriage, the bride and groom exchange rings three times with the participation of the friend of the groom or priest. After the triple change of the rings, the silver remains with the groom, and the gold remains with the bride, as a sign that a masculine spirit is transmitted to a woman's weakness.
The priest says a prayer in which the blessing and confirmation of the betrothed is requested. I recall the miraculous sign of "water bearing" given to the servant of Patriarch Abraham, when he was sent to find a bride for Isaac, this honor was prepared only for that, the only virgin - Rebekah, who gave the messenger water to drink. The priest asks to bless the position of the rings with a heavenly blessing, in accordance with the power that Joseph received through the ring in Egypt, Daniel became famous in the country of Babylon and the truth of Tamar appeared. The Lord's parable about the prodigal son, who repented and returned to his father's house, is recalled, "And the father said to his servants: bring the best clothes and clothe him, and give a ring on his hand ..." (Luke 15:22).
“And Thy servant's right hand will be blessed with Thy sovereign word and Thy arm high,” the prayer goes on to say. It is no coincidence that the wedding ring is placed on the finger of the right hand, for with this hand we take a vow of fidelity, make the sign of the cross, bless, salute, hold an instrument of labor and a sword in a righteous battle.
People tend to make mistakes, go astray, and without the help of God and His guidance, these two weak people cannot reach the goal - the Kingdom of Heaven. Therefore, the priest asks: "And Thy angel be present before them all the days of their life."
The succession of the betrothal ends with a short litany with the addition of a petition for the betrothed.
Note: 1) Rings can also be made of one metal - gold, silver; and have jewelry made of precious stones. 2) The dismissal specified in the Trebnik is not pronounced at the end of the rite of betrothal, since the engagement is followed by a wedding. 3) The priest should be especially careful when changing the rings so as not to drop them on the floor, since the man's finger is much thicker than the woman's and therefore the bride's ring is hardly held on the finger. Unfortunately, there is a superstition among the people that the ring that fell during the betrothal means the collapse of the marriage or the death of one of the spouses. If such an incident happened, and the priest noticed anxiety among those present, one should point out in the parting word the absurdity of this omen, as well as of all superstitions in general.
Wedding follow-up
The bride and groom, holding lighted candles in their hands, depicting the spiritual light of the sacrament, solemnly enter the middle of the temple. They are preceded by a priest with a censer, indicating that on the path of life they must follow the commandments of the Lord, and their good deeds will, like incense, be exalted to God. The chorus greets them with the singing of Psalm 127, in which the prophet-psalmist David glorifies the marriage blessed by God; before each verse the choir sings: "Glory to Thee, our God, glory to Thee."
The bride and groom stand on a cloth spread on the floor (white or pink) in front of the analogue on which the Cross, the Gospel and the crowns lie. After that, according to the Book, it is supposed to give a lesson. However, in order not to break the rite, it can be pronounced before the betrothal or at the end of the wedding, in addition, you can briefly explain the meaning of the main points of the sacrament being performed.
Further, the bride and groom are invited in front of the whole Church to once again confirm the free and unconstrained desire to marry and the absence in the past on the part of each of them of a promise to a third party to marry him. These questions are best pronounced in Russian or the mother tongue of the spouses, for example, in the following form:
Answer: "I have, honest father."
"Aren't you bound by a promise to another bride?"
Answer: "No, not connected."
Then, turning to the bride, the priest asks:
"Do you have a sincere and unconstrained desire and firm intention to be the wife of this (name of the groom) whom you see before you?"
Answer: "I have, honest father."
"Are you bound by a promise to another groom?"
Answer: "No, not connected."
These questions relate not only to a formal promise to marry some third party, but basically imply whether each of the spouses has entered into an illegal relationship, or into dependence, one way or another obliging him in relation to this person.
So, the bride and groom confirmed before God and the Church the voluntariness and inviolability of their intention to enter into marriage. This expression of will in a non-Christian marriage is a decisive principle. In Christian marriage, it is the main condition for natural (according to the flesh) Marriage, the condition after which it should be considered concluded. For this reason, when the Gentiles convert to Orthodoxy, their marriages are recognized as valid (provided that such a marriage does not contradict Christian law, in other words, polygamy, polyandry and marriages between close relatives are rejected).
Now only after the conclusion of this natural marriage, the mysterious consecration of matrimony by Divine grace begins - the rite of wedding. The wedding begins with a liturgical exclamation: "Blessed is the Kingdom ...", which proclaims the participation of the spouses in the Kingdom of God.
After a short litany on the mental and physical well-being of the bride and groom, the priest says three lengthy prayers: "God the Most Pure, and all creatures to the Make ...", "Blessed are you, Lord our God ..." and "Holy God, created from dust man ... "
I recall the mysterious creation of a woman from the rib of Adam and the first marriage blessing in Paradise, which subsequently spread to Abraham and other patriarchs and forefathers of Christ in the flesh. The priest prays to the very incarnate of the Virgin Savior, who blessed the Marriage in Cana of Galilee, to bless his uniting servants like Abraham and Sarah, Isaac and Rebekah, Jacob and Rachel and all the patriarchs, and Moses, as the parents of the Most Holy Virgin, Joachim and Anna, and the parents of the Forerunner , Zechariah and Elizabeth. He prays to the Lord to keep them like Noah in the ark, and Jonah in the belly of the whale, to the three youths in the oven of Babylon, and to give them the joy that Queen Helen had when she found the Honorable Cross. He prays for the remembrance of the parents who raised them, "the prayers of the parents confirm the foundation of houses", and together with childbirth, grant to the spouses the like-mindedness of souls and bodies, longevity, chastity, mutual love and the union of peace, grace in children, an abundance of earthly blessings and an everlasting crown heaven.
Now comes the main moment of the sacrament. The priest, taking the crown, marks the groom crosswise with it and gives him to kiss the image of the Savior, attached to the front of the crown. The book does not indicate one or three times this action should be performed, therefore in some places it is performed three times, in others - once over the bride and groom.
When crowning the groom, the priest says:
"The servant of God (name) is crowned to the servant of God (name) in the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit."
Blessing the bride in the same way and allowing her to venerate the image of the Most Holy Theotokos that adorns her crown, the priest crowns her, saying:
"The servant of God (name) is married to the servant of God (name) in the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit."
Then the priest pronounces the secret words three times, and with each recitation he blesses both of them with a priestly blessing:
"Lord our God, I crown (them) with glory and honor." First of all, these words and the crowning of their heads proclaim honor and glory to man as the king of creation. Every Christian family is definitely a small church. Now the way to the Kingdom of God is being opened for her. This opportunity may be missed, but now, here it is. For the rest of their lives, long and arduous, full of temptations, they become for each other in the most real sense - king and queen - this is the highest meaning of the crowns on their heads.
This crown also expresses the honor and glory of the crowns of martyrdom. For the path to the Kingdom of God is the testimony of Christ, which means crucifixion and suffering. A marriage that does not constantly crucify its own selfishness and self-sufficiency, which does not “die to itself” in order to point to the One who is above all earthly, cannot be called Christian. In marriage, God's presence gives a joyful hope that the marriage vow will not be preserved until “until death do part,” but until death finally unites us, after the universal Resurrection - in the Kingdom of Heaven.
Hence comes the third and final meaning of crowns: they are the crowns of the Kingdom of God. “Receive their crowns in Your Kingdom,” the priest says, removing them from the head of the bride and groom, and this means: multiply this marriage in that perfect love, the only completion and fullness of which is God.
After pronouncing the secret formula, the prokeimen is pronounced: "Thou hast put crowns on their heads, from honest stones, begging for the belly of you, and you gave them to them." And the verse: "Yako give them a blessing in the age of the century, make me glad with joy with Your face."
Then the 230th conception is read from the epistle of the holy Apostle Paul to the Ephesians (5: 20-33), where the marriage union is likened to the union of Christ and the Church, for which the Savior who loved her gave Himself up. A husband's love for his wife is a semblance of Christ's love for the Church, and a wife's loving-humble obedience to her husband is a semblance of the Church's relationship to Christ. This is mutual love to the point of self-denial, the willingness to sacrifice oneself in the image of Christ, who gave Himself to be crucified for sinful people, and in the image of His true followers, who, through suffering and martyrdom, have confirmed their faithfulness and love for the Lord.
The last utterance of the Apostle: "But let the wife fear her husband" - calls not to the fear of the weak in front of the strong, not to the fear of a slave in relation to the master, but to the fear of saddening a loving person, disrupting the unity of souls and bodies. The same fear of losing love, and therefore the presence of God, should be experienced in family life by a husband whose head is Christ. In another epistle, the apostle Paul says: “The wife has no power over her own body, but the husband; likewise, the husband has no power over his own body, but the wife.
Do not deviate from each other, perhaps by agreement, for a while, for exercise in fasting and prayer, and then again be together, so that Satan does not tempt you with your intemperance ”(1 Cor. 7: 4-5). Husband and wife are members of the Church and, being particles of the fullness of the Church, are equal to each other, obeying the Lord Jesus Christ.
After the Apostle, the Gospel of John is read (2, 1-11). It preaches the good news of God's blessing of the conjugal union and its sanctification. The miracle of the transformation of water into wine by the Savior typified the action of the grace of the sacrament, by which earthly conjugal love rises to heavenly love, which unites souls in the Lord. The moral change necessary for this is said by St. Andrei of Crete: "Marriage is honest and the bed is immaculate, for Christ blessed them in Cana on Marriage, eating food in flesh and turning water into wine, showing this first miracle so that you, the soul, will change" (The Great Canon in Russian translation, Troparion 4 after song 9).
The Savior, being present at the Marriage in Cana, exalted the conjugal union in accordance with His consideration of the human race. When the first wine became scarce, another wine was given, miraculously created from water. Likewise, in the natural marriage union, the relations of the spouses, not being sinful by nature, but nevertheless deprived of grace, are transformed into grace-filled, sanctified by the sacrament, approaching the great prototype - the union of Christ and the Church.
“They have no wine,” the Most Pure Mother said, addressing Her Son. In the answer that followed, Christ expressed that the hour desired by Him and Her had not yet come: the time of the victory of the spirit over the flesh. But this longed-for mysterious moment in the life of Christian spouses comes by the mercy of the God-man who was called to Marriage and consecrated it, according to the fulfillment of His commands. “Whatever He says to you, do it” (John 2: 5), the Mother of God called upon those present. Only then will the insufficiency and deficiency of natural marriage be filled, and earthly feelings will miraculously be transformed into spiritual, grace-filled, uniting husband and wife and the whole Church in the One Lord. According to Bishop Theophan the Recluse, in a truly Christian marriage “love is purified, elevated, strengthened, and spiritualized. To help human weakness, the grace of God gives strength to the gradual achievement of such an ideal union. "
After reading the Gospel, on behalf of the Church, a short petition for newlyweds and the priest's prayer, "Lord our God, in salvation ..." with a pure heart, doing thy commandments. " This is followed by the Supplication Litany.
The priest proclaims: "And vouch for us, Master, with boldness, uncondemnedly sweep away, call upon Thee, the Heavenly God of the Father, and speak ..." Savior. In the lips of those who are married, she expresses her resolve to serve the Lord with her small church so that through them on earth, His will is fulfilled and reigned in their family life. As a sign of submission and devotion to the Lord, they bow their heads under the crowns.
A common cup of wine is brought, over which the priest reads a prayer: "God, who created all Thy strength, and affirmed the Universe, and an adorned crown of all those created from Thee, and give this common cup, combined with the communion of Marriage, bless with spiritual blessing." Having made the sign of the cross to the chalice, he gives it to the bride and groom. The newlyweds alternately (first the groom and then the bride) drink wine in three doses, already united into a single person before the Lord. The common bowl is a common destiny with common joys, sorrows and consolations, and one joy in the Lord.
In the past, it was the common Eucharistic cup, participation in the Eucharist, which marked the fulfillment of Marriage in Christ. Christ must be the very essence of living together. He is the wine of the new life of the children of God, and the eating of the common cup foreshadows that, as we grow old in this world, we are all getting younger for a life that knows no evening.
Having taught the common cup, the priest joins the husband's right hand with the wife's right hand and, covering the joined hands with the epitrachilia, and over it with his own hand, he circles the newlyweds three times around the analogion. At the first circumambulation, the troparion "Isane, rejoice ..." is sung, in which the sacrament of the incarnation of the Son of God Emmanuel from the Unmarried Mary is glorified.
At the second circumambulation, the troparion of the Holy Martyr is sung. Crowned with crowns, as conquerors of earthly passions, they represent the image of the spiritual Marriage of a believing soul with the Lord.
Finally, in the third troparion, which is sung during the last round of the analogion, Christ is glorified as the joy and glory of the newlyweds, their hope in all circumstances of life: "Glory to Thee, Christ God, the praise of the apostles, the joy of the martyrs, their preaching, the Trinity."
As in the order of Baptism, this circular walk signifies the eternal procession that began on this day for this couple. Their marriage will be an eternal procession hand in hand, a continuation and manifestation of the sacrament performed today. Remembering the common cross laid on them today, "bearing each other's burdens," they will always be filled with the gracious joy of this day.
At the end of the solemn procession, the priest removes the crowns from the spouses, greeting them with words filled with patriarchal simplicity and therefore especially solemn:
"Exalted, bridegroom, like Abraham, and blessed like Isaac, and multiplying like Jacob, walk in peace and do the commandments of God in righteousness."
"And you, bride, exalted like Sarah, and rejoiced like Rebekah, and multiplied like Rachel, rejoicing in your husband, keeping the limits of the law, because God is so pleased."
Then, in the two subsequent prayers "God, our God" and "Father, and Son, and the Holy Spirit," the priest asks the Lord, who blessed the Marriage in Cana of Galilee, to accept the crowns of newlyweds as undefiled and blameless in His Kingdom. In the second prayer, read by the priest, facing them, with the bowing of the heads of the newlyweds, these petitions are sealed with the name of the Most Holy Trinity and a priestly blessing. At the end of her, the newlyweds with a chaste kiss testify to holy and pure love for each other.
The leave is given according to the Book. It commemorates Equal-to-the-Apostles Constantine and Helen - the first earthly kings, disseminators of orthodoxy, and the holy martyr Procopius, who taught twelve wives to go to martyrdom as to a wedding feast.
Further, according to custom, the newlyweds are brought to the royal doors: where the groom kisses the icon of the Savior, and the bride - the image of the Mother of God, then they change places and apply accordingly - the groom to the icon of the Mother of God, and the bride - the Savior. Here, the priest gives them the Cross for kissing and gives them two icons: the groom - the image of the Savior, the bride - the Most Holy Theotokos. These icons are usually brought from the family of the young people from home or acquired in the church as a parental blessing. Then the newlyweds are usually proclaimed many years, they get off the salt, and everyone present congratulates them.
In the Trebnik, after the dismissal follows the "Prayer for the permission of the crowns, on the next day." In ancient times, just as the newly-baptized wore white clothes for seven days and on the eighth day put them on with the appropriate prayer, so the newlyweds wore crowns for seven days after the wedding and on the eighth they put them on with the prayer of the priest. In ancient times, crowns were not metal and not of the same type as they are now. These were simple wreaths of myrtle or olive leaves that are still used today in the Greek Church. In Russia, they were replaced in ancient times, first by wooden ones, and later by metal ones. In this regard, the prayer for the permission of the crowns is now read after the prayer "Father, Son and Holy Spirit ...". This short sequence should not be omitted.
Particularly noteworthy is the release, which says:
"Consenting Thy servant, O Lord, and following the Galilean Marriage accomplished in Cana, and hiding the signs in it, they give glory to Thee, the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit, now and ever and forever and ever, amen." The newlyweds are reminded here on behalf of the Church that the sign of the miracle of Christ in Cana of Galilee is the most life-giving and precious in the marriage union, and therefore it should be kept hidden in the depths of the soul, so that this treasure would not be stolen or defiled by the vanity and passions of this world.
Report of Archbishop Dimitri of Tobolsk and Tyumen at the section of the same name of the XIV International Christmas Educational Readings
Honest fathers, brothers and sisters!
Orthodoxy is not just a duty that we fulfill on Sunday morning and which we forget about when we leave the temple; Orthodoxy is a way of life. And the way of life includes the whole set of habits and attitudes, thoughts and actions: the way of life and the way of life. For us, Orthodox Christians, Christianity is "our daily bread." The Christian strives for Christ and His Church, and not for the ideals of the modern world, which in many ways do not correspond to the Christian way of life or distort it. This is especially noticeable in relation to the family. She was primarily affected by the pernicious influence of a secular society that distorted love and marriage.
Nowadays, love is often mistaken for love, and this emotional (not spiritual) feeling is by no means not enough for a true family life. Falling in love can accompany love (though not necessarily) - but it passes too easily; and then what? "At every step we have cases when people get married because they" fell in love "with one another, but how often such marriages are fragile! Often such love is called" physiological. " in marriage, either violate fidelity, preserving external marriage relations, or get divorced "(1).
How does the Church view marriage?
The Church sees in marriage the secret of love - love not only human, but also divine.
"Marriage is the sacrament of love" - says St. John Chrysostom and explains that marriage is a sacrament just because it exceeds the boundaries of our mind, for in it two become one. Blessed Augustine also calls marriage love a sacrament (sacramentum). The gracious nature of marriage love is inextricably linked with this, for the Lord is present where people are united by mutual love (Matthew 18:20).
The liturgical books of the Orthodox Church also speak of marriage as a union of love. "About the hedgehog bestowed upon them love more perfect, more peaceful", we read in the succession of the betrothal. In the sequence of the wedding, the Church prays for the granting of the couples "love for one another."
Marital love itself in relation to spouses to each other is mysterious and has a tinge of adoration. “Marital love is the strongest type of love. Other drives are strong, but this drive has such a strength that it never diminishes. And in the next century, faithful spouses will fearlessly meet and will abide forever with Christ and with each other in great joy, ”writes Chrysostom. In addition to this side of marriage love, there is another no less important in it.
“Christian marriage love is not only a joy, but also a feat, and has nothing to do with that“ free love ”which, according to the widespread frivolous view, should replace the supposedly outdated institution of marriage. In love, we not only receive another, but we give ourselves completely, and without the complete death of personal egoism there can be no resurrection for a new, superior life ... Christianity recognizes only love, ready for unlimited sacrifices, only love, ready to lay down a soul for a brother , for a friend (John 15:13; 1 John 3:16, etc.), for only through such love does an individual rise to the mysterious life of the Holy Trinity and the Church. Marital love should be the same. Christianity knows no other love of marriage, except love similar to the love of Christ for His Church, who gave Himself for her (Eph. 5:25) ”(2).
St. John Chrysostom, in his inspired sermons, teaches that a husband should not stop at any torment or even death, if this is necessary for the good of his wife. “I consider you more precious than my soul,” says the husband to his wife at Chrysostom.
The “perfect” marriage love, requested in the rite of betrothal, is love ready for self-sacrifice, and the deep meaning lies in the fact that in Orthodox churches the church song “The Holy Martyr” is included in the rite of marriage.
Why is the marriage established?
Marriage is not just a "way of arranging" earthly life, it is not a "utilitarian" means for procreation - although it includes these aspects as well. First of all, marriage is the mystery of the manifestation of the Kingdom of God in this world. “When the holy Apostle Paul calls marriage a“ mystery ”(or“ sacrament, ”which sounds the same in Greek), he means that in marriage a person not only satisfies the needs of his earthly, worldly existence, but also takes a step on the path to the purpose for which he was created, that is, enters the Kingdom of eternal life. Calling marriage a "sacrament," the Apostle argues that marriage is preserved in the kingdom of eternity. The husband becomes one being, one "flesh" with his wife, just as the Son of God ceased to be only God, became also a man so that His people could become His Body. This is why the gospel account so often compares the kingdom of God to a wedding feast. (3)
Marriage was already established in paradise, established directly by God Himself. The main source of the church teaching on marriage - the Bible - does not say that the institution of marriage arose sometime later as a state or church institution. Neither the Church nor the state is the source of marriage. On the contrary, marriage is the source of both the Church and the state. Marriage precedes all social and religious organizations. (4)
The first marriage was concluded by "God's grace." In the first marriage, the husband and wife are the bearers of the highest earthly power, they are sovereigns to whom the rest of the world is subject (Gen. 1, 28). The family is the first form of the Church, there is a "small church", as Chrysostom calls it, and at the same time, the source of the state as an organization of power, since, according to the Bible, the basis of all power of man over man is in the words of God about the power of the husband over wife: he will rule over you (Gen. 3:16). Thus, the family is not only a small church, but also a small state. Therefore, the attitude of the Church towards marriage had the character of recognition. This idea is well expressed in the gospel account of marriage in Cana of Galilee (John 2: 1-11). She saw the sacrament of marriage not in the wedding ceremony, but in the very union of a husband and wife into one superior being by way of consent and love. Therefore, the holy fathers often call the sacrament the mutual love of spouses (for example, Chrysostom), the indestructibility of marriage (for example, Ambrose of Mediolansky, blessed Augustine), but they never call the wedding itself a sacrament. Attaching the main importance to the subjective factor of marriage - consent, they put another, objective factor - the form of marriage - in dependence on the first, on the will of the parties and the parties themselves give freedom in choosing the form of marriage, advising the church form, if there are no obstacles for it. In other words, during the first nine centuries of its history, the Church recognized the optional form of marriage (5).
How does the Church view marital relationships? Man is not a purely spiritual being, man is not an angel. We consist not only of the soul, but also of the body, matter; and this material element of our being is not something random that can be discarded. God created man with a soul and a body, that is, both spiritual and material, it is this combination of spirit, soul and body that is called man in the Bible and in the Gospel. "The intimacy of husband and wife is part of God's human nature, God's plan for human life.
That is why such communication cannot be carried out by chance, with anyone, for the sake of one's own pleasure or passion, but must always be associated with full surrender of oneself and complete loyalty to another, only then it becomes a source of spiritual satisfaction and joy for those who love "(6)" Neither a man or a woman cannot be used simply as partners for pleasure, even if they themselves agree to it ... When Jesus Christ says: "everyone who looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart" (Matt. 5.28), He forbids us, even in our thoughts, to perceive another person as an object of pleasure. Nothing is impure in itself, but everything without exception can become so through misuse. The same can happen, and, alas, all the time happens with the highest Divine gift to man - with love. And in place of holy conjugal love, which naturally includes carnal relationships, dirty passion, the thirst for possession, can arise. But in no case should an equal sign be put between them ”(7).
It is very important to remember that marriage is a long and difficult spiritual path, in which there is a place for your chastity, your abstinence. Where intimate life takes up too much space, there the family is in danger of going into passion, and the family's task as a whole life remains unresolved ... As soon as spiritual ties are empty in the family, it inevitably becomes a simple sexual cohabitation, sometimes sinking to real fornication , which took legal form.
It was said above that procreation is not the only purpose of Marriage. But Marriage certainly includes (at least potentially) this side as well. And how it blossoms, how it is transformed in the light of the truly Christian teaching on marriage! Having children and taking care of them in the family is the natural fruit of the love of a husband and wife, the greatest guarantee of their union. A husband and wife should think of their intimate relationship not only as their own satisfaction or the fulfillment of the fullness of the life of the individual, but also as participation in bringing into being a new being, a new personality, destined to live forever.
Intimate relationships are not limited to the birth of children, in no less measure they exist for unity in love, for mutual enrichment and the joy of spouses. But for all the high importance that Christianity recognizes as carnal unity, the Church has always unconditionally rejected all attempts to "deify" it. Our time is characterized by attempts to free carnal extramarital union from associations with sin, guilt and shame. All the advocates of this "emancipation" do not understand, do not see that moment, which, perhaps, is central in the Christian vision of the world. "According to the Christian worldview, the nature of man, despite the fact that it is ontologically good, is nature that has fallen, and has not fallen partially, not so that some of the properties of man remained unaffected and pure, but in their entirety ... Love and lust - hopelessly mixed, and it is impossible to separate and isolate one from the other ... It is for this reason that the Church condemns, as truly demonic, those ideas and directions that - in various combinations with each other - call for sexual liberation "(8).
But is man, in his present, fallen state, capable of true, perfect love?
Christianity is not only a commandment, but a revelation and a gift of love.
In order for the love of a man and a woman to be as perfect as God created it, it must be unique, indissoluble, endless and divine. The Lord not only granted this institution, but also gives the power to fulfill it in the Sacrament of Christian marriage in the Church. In it, man and woman are given the opportunity to become one spirit and one flesh.
High is the teaching of Christ about genuine Marriage! You will inevitably ask: is this possible in life? “His disciples say to Him: if such is the duty of a man to his wife (ie, if the ideal of marriage is so high), then it is better not to marry.
(Matthew 19: 1 0-11). Christ, as it were, says: "Yes, the ideal of marriage is high, the duties of a husband to his wife are heavy; not everyone can do this ideal, not everyone can contain my word (teaching) about marriage, but to whom it is given, with the help of God this ideal is still achieved" ... "Better not to get married!" This is, as it were, an involuntary exclamation of the disciples, before whom the duties of a husband to a wife were outlined. Before the greatness of the task - to transform the sinful nature - a weak person trembles equally, whether he enters into marriage, whether he is tonsured a monk. Unity in Divine love, which constitutes the Kingdom of God, is given in embryo on earth and must be nurtured by exploit. For love is both joy, and tenderness, and exultation for each other, but love is also a heroic deed: "Bear each other's burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ" (Gal. 6: 2).
1. Prot. V. Zenkovsky. On the threshold of maturity M., 1991. S. 31-32.
2. S.V. Troitsky. Christian philosophy of marriage. Paris, 1932, p. 98.
3. Prot. John Meyendorff. Marriage and the Eucharist. Wedge: Christian Life Foundation. 2000.S. 8.
4. Prof. S.V. Troitsky. Christian philosophy of marriage. Paris, 1932, p. 106.
5. Ibid, p. 138 -139.
6. Prot. Thomas Hopko. Foundations of Orthodoxy. New York, 1987.S. 318.
7.Ibid, p. 320.
8. Prot. Alexander Schmemann. Water and Spirit. M., 1993, p. 176.
Introduction
All Orthodox catechisms speak of marriage as a "sacrament", that is, a "mystery" of the Church. At first glance, such a definition seems strange: marriage existed among both Christian and non-Christian peoples, it was known to many, many generations of people, including atheists. A person is born, gets married, gives birth to children and dies. These are the laws of nature that God established and blessed. But marriage is especially highlighted by the Church. A special blessing that is given to a man and a woman who marries is called a "sacrament." Why is that? A lot has been written about marriage, people of different confessions and beliefs have written: Catholics and Protestants, psychologists, psychiatrists, sociologists, lawyers. Our century has given rise to a murky stream of literature aimed at the sensual nature of man. Issues are publicly discussed that past generations, brought up in a puritanical spirit, never discussed, even in private. It is generally accepted that Freud and Jung revolutionized not only sexual ethics, but our understanding of human nature in general. Meanwhile, Pope Paul VI, contrary to the opinion of most Catholic theologians, took on the difficult task of defending the traditional prohibition of artificial contraception in Catholicism. In fact, the crisis that the papal Humanae vitae caused in the Catholic world has a much deeper meaning than the problem of birth control; The encyclical offers a specific philosophy of marriage and the responsibility of spouses to each other. All this requires an Orthodox assessment and response.
Discussion of all problems related to marriage and sex is beyond the competence of the author, which is also limited by the volume of the publication. Our goal is to reveal marriage as a sacrament, that is, to delve into that aspect of it that neither psychology, nor physiology, nor sociology touch upon. However, the author is convinced that the Orthodox understanding of the sacrament of marriage presupposes the only possible attitude in Christianity to the most burning problems of our time. This understanding, of course, is at odds with that which is recognized as traditional in Western Christianity. This difference lurks perhaps the path for the practical transformation of marriage in Western society.
The very idea of marriage as a sacrament assumes that a person is not only a being with certain physiological, psychological and sociological functions, but also a citizen of the Kingdom of God; from the point of view of Orthodoxy, human life in general and in its most crucial moments in particular contains eternal values and God Himself.
Therefore, the fourth chapter of the book is called "Marriage and the Eucharist." The Eucharist, or Divine Liturgy, is that moment and the point at which the Christian realizes his true essence. In the Eucharist, the Kingdom of God, of which a person becomes a citizen through baptism, becomes directly attainable for his spiritual vision. The Divine Liturgy begins with the exclamation: "Blessed is the Kingdom of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit." In the Liturgy, the Church, this tangible assembly of the faithful, ceases to be an ordinary human organization and truly becomes the Church of God. In the Eucharist, Christ Himself presides over this assembly, which is transformed into His Body. All barriers between concrete historical moments and eternity are crumbling. The Church, therefore, teaches us that marriage is a sacrament, since it takes place within the Eucharist.
The connection between marriage and the Eucharist may seem unexpected. At first, marriage seems to be a purely personal or family affair. If the Church blesses him, he acquires a comforting shade of legitimacy and, to some extent, sacredness; but its connection with the liturgy remains unclear for many of us. The modern wedding ceremony has no obvious connection for us with the Eucharist; it turns into a holiday to which we invite relatives and friends. But we will try to show that apart from the connection with the Eucharist, it is impossible to understand either the New Testament teaching on marriage or the wedding ceremony itself in the Orthodox Church. The Eucharist and the unification of us in the Eucharist is the key to understanding the Christian attitude towards marriage in and outside the Church. Many of the difficulties we face in today's world stem from a lack of understanding of the connection between marriage and the Eucharist.
This misunderstanding can be overcome only by looking directly into the face of modern secular society and clearly formulating the Orthodox, Christian answer to its questions. Indeed, the Eucharistic understanding of marriage clearly shows that the essence of Christian requirements for a person is in relation to him as an image of God, as a participant in divine life. Psychologists and sociologists, proceeding from their own, limited by the formulation of problems, areas of study, can achieve only a faint semblance of this truth, and not assertion of it in its entirety. Only Christians are brave enough to achieve the feeling formulated by St. Athanasius of Alexandria: "God became man so that man could become God." The meaning of Christian marriage is based on this thesis.
The liturgy data and historical facts given in this book are well known. Our task is only to draw the necessary conclusions and try to determine how to return to modern Christians the understanding of the true nature of marriage.
Judaism and the New Testament
Old Testament Jewish thinking saw the essence and purpose of marriage in the reproduction of the clan. Procreation was the most obvious and absolutely necessary sign of God's blessing. Abraham's obedience and his faith in God gave him the promise of abundant posterity: Blessing I will bless you and multiplying I will multiply your seed like the stars of heaven and like sand on the seashore; and thy seed shall possess the cities of their enemies; and in your seed all the nations of the earth will be blessed, because you have obeyed my voice (Gen. 22, 17-18). This solemn promise of Abraham explains why the Jews viewed sterile marriage as a curse for the married couple, especially the woman.
This view, clearly expressed in the Old Testament, is directly related to the lack of a clear understanding of posthumous existence in early Judaism. At best, a person could hope for a ghostly vegetation in the so-called "Sheol" (which is only very inaccurately translated as "hell"). The psalmist asks for God's help against enemies who want to kill him, and he knows that God no longer "remembers" the slain, who "will be taken away from the hand of God." Asking God for help against enemies, he skeptically asks him: Will you perform a miracle on the dead? Will the dead rise and praise You? (Psalm 87, 11). God was the "God of the living," not the dead. But the promise to Abraham implied that life could be eternal through posterity, and therefore emphasized the primacy of procreation in marriage.
Marriage was normal - monogamous and polygamous, but the competition was also tolerated and sometimes even approved as a guarantee of procreation (Genesis 16: 1-3). The institution of the "levirate" (Gen. 38, 8) provided for the man's duty to "restore the seed" to his deceased brother by marrying his widow and thereby ensuring the deceased partially survive in the children of his wife. Monogamy, based on the eternal love of a husband and wife, existed at the same time as a kind of ideal image contained in the history of creation, in the Song of Songs, in various metaphors of the prophets who spoke of God's love for His people. But this ideal has never been an absolute religious norm or requirement.
In the New Testament, the understanding of marriage has undergone a fundamental change. The differences are all the more obvious because the New Testament uses the categories of Old Testament thinking in order to fill them with new content. For example, nowhere in the Gospel is it mentioned that childbearing is a justification for marriage. By itself, childbearing is a means of salvation only when it is accompanied by "faith, love and holiness" (1 Tim. 2:15). The change in the Old Testament norms of life is especially clear in three examples:
1. The story of Jesus' attitude to the "levirate" is given in all synoptic Gospels (Matt. 22, 23-32; Mark 12, 16-27; Luke 20, 27-37). It is important to emphasize that this story is directly related to the teaching of Christ about the resurrection and immortality - a teaching that does not need the idea of eternal life in posterity. When the Sadducees (“who said there was no resurrection”) asked which of the seven brothers who consecutively married the same woman would have her as a wife “in the resurrection,” Jesus replied that “in the resurrection they do not marry, do not marry but they are like the Angels of God in heaven. "
These words are often interpreted in the sense that marriage is a purely earthly institution, the reality of which is destroyed by death. This understanding prevailed in the Western Church, which allows widowers to remarry and never limits the number of these marriages. But if we consider this understanding of Jesus' words to be correct, then we will find ourselves in direct contradiction with the teaching about marriage of the Apostle Paul and with the canonical practice of the Orthodox Church. Clement of Alexandria said that in this answer "the Lord does not reject marriage, but delivers their (Sadducees) minds from the hope that in the resurrection there will be carnal passions." Jesus' answer to the Sadducees is strictly limited to the meaning of their question. They rejected the resurrection because they were saturated with the Jewish understanding of marriage as the renewal of earthly human existence through the reproduction of offspring. This is what Jesus tells them: “You are mistaken,” because life in the Kingdom will be similar to the life of angels ... Therefore, Jesus' answer is only a denial of the naive and materialistic understanding of the resurrection, a denial of the materialistic understanding of marriage. Below we will confirm this by analyzing other passages of the New Testament.
2. The essence of Christian marriage is deeply sanctified in the prohibition of divorce by Christ. Such a prohibition directly contradicts Deuteronomy (Matthew 5:32; 19, 9; Mark 10, 11; Luke 16, 18). Christian marriage is indissoluble, and this excludes all materialistic, utilitarian interpretations of it. The union of husband and wife is an end in itself; it is an eternal union between two personalities, an alliance that cannot be dissolved for the sake of "procreation" (justification of konkubinat) or protection of generic interests (justification of levirate).
This indissolubility, however, should not be understood as some kind of legal inevitability. A well-known phrase from the Gospel of Matthew (except for the guilt of adultery - 5:32) reminds us that in the Kingdom of Heaven there are no compulsory, including legal, laws, that the law of Christ presupposes freedom of human response and therefore marriage is not obligatory for Christians, and under certain circumstances, this gift of God can be rejected by man. The Gospel never deprives a person of his freedom at all, does not impose on him the iron prescriptions of the law. It proceeds from the fact that a person has the gift of freedom - the only gift worthy of the "image of God", even if complete perfection is impossible. "Be perfect as your Father is perfect." The requirement of absolute monogamy showed all the imperfection of Christ's listeners (Matthew 19, 10). In fact, love stands outside the categories of "possible" and "impossible." She is that "perfect gift" that is known only in real experience. Love is obviously incompatible with adultery, because then her gift is rejected and the marriage no longer exists. Then we are dealing not with only legal “divorce”, but also with the tragedy of abuse of freedom, that is, with sin.
3. The Apostle Paul, speaking of widowhood, proceeds from the fact that marriage is not interrupted by death and love never ceases (1 Cor. 13: 8). In general, the attitude of the Apostle Paul to marriage is strikingly different from the Judaist-rabbinic view of marriage, which is especially noticeable in 1 Epistle to the Corinthians, where the Apostle prefers celibacy over marriage. Only in the Epistle to the Ephesians this negative view is corrected by the doctrine of marriage as an image of the union of Christ and the Church; doctrine that became the basis of the theology of marriage, created by the Orthodox tradition.
On the controversial issue of the celibacy of widows, the view of the Apostle Paul, as expressed in 1 Epistle to the Corinthians, exactly corresponds to the canonical and consecrated tradition of the Church: If they cannot abstain, let them marry, for it is better to marry than to kindle (1 Cor. 7 , nine). The second marriage of a widower or a divorced is tolerated only as a cure for "incitement", nothing more. Until the 10th century, the Church did not bless a second marriage, and now it is an obstacle to the acceptance of the spiritual dignity. The modern rite of blessing second-weds clearly shows that it is allowed only out of condescension to human weakness. Holy Scripture and Tradition have always proceeded from the fact that the loyalty of a widower or widow to the deceased or to the deceased is something more than an "ideal", it is the norm of Christian life, because Christian marriage is not only an earthly, carnal union, but an eternal bond that Nor do they disintegrate when our bodies "become spiritual" and when Christ is "all things in all."
These three examples clearly show that the New Testament created a new concept of marriage and that this new concept is based on the "good news" of the Resurrection brought by Christ. The Christian is called upon already in this world to accept a new life, to become a citizen of the Kingdom, and he can follow this path in marriage. In this case, marriage ceases to be a simple satisfaction of temporary natural needs and a guarantee of illusory survival through offspring. It is a one-of-a-kind union of two beings in love; two beings who rise above their human nature and become one not only "with each other", but also "in Christ."
Ancient Church and Roman Law
In the understanding of the Romans, marriage was primarily not a means of ensuring eternal life in offspring, but an agreement between two parties free in their choice. The well-known principle of Roman law, asserting that "marriage is not communication, but consent" (nuptius non concubitus, sed consensus facit), as well as Modestinus's thesis "cohabitation with a free woman is a marriage, not a concubine", from which it follows that cohabitation with a slave, who does not have the right to give free consent, under no circumstances can be called marriage - formed the basis of civil law in all modern civilized countries. The essence of marriage is seen in consent, which, in turn, communicates the significance and legitimacy of the marriage contract or contract.
The relationship to marriage in Roman law as a contract between two free parties was progressive, especially when compared with the views on marriage in other civilizations of the Ancient World. This understanding served as the basis for the widespread emancipation of a woman and her equalization in rights with a man.
A man and a woman entering into marriage entered into an ordinary legal contract, and therefore the marriage did not need any third party, in the guarantor of its legal validity. The state guaranteed itself the right to register marriage contracts, which made it possible to monitor their legality and provided the court with materials if disputes related to marriage were brought before it.
Roman law, like the Law of Moses, provided for the possibility of termination of a marriage contract. The conditions required for divorce varied widely both before and after the beginning of the Christian era.
The Christian Church, both in times of persecution and in the era of union with the Roman state, was subject to the Roman laws governing marriage. Even when Christianity became the state religion, ancient definitions of marriage as a contract were introduced into state laws and even into church law: "Nomokanon of fourteen chapters." We find confirmation of this in the Slavic version of the Nomokanon, the so-called "Helmsman", which was the basis of the canon law of the Slavic countries until the beginning of the 19th century.
The works of the holy fathers are also based on Roman concepts and the terminology of marriage. Here are the words of the writer of the 2nd century Athenagoras in his "Apology" to the emperor Marcus Aurelius (ch. 33): "Each of us considers his wife the woman he is married to according to your laws." St. John Chrysostom (404) refers to "civil law" when he defines marriage as "nothing more than a union or a means" (Homilia 56 on Genesis 2).
The number of fatherly quotes on this issue can be multiplied indefinitely. However, their content does not at all show that the Church remained indifferent to the issue of marriage, that she did not have her own point of view, but simply assimilated the prevailing Roman concept of marriage as a contract. It will be shown in the following chapters that there have always been differences between Church and empire. Never in its entire history has the Christian Church shown more clearly that it is bringing into the world a new, unprecedented divine reality. The New Testament texts cited show that this new reality implied a completely new attitude towards marriage, fundamentally different from Jewish and Roman. But this new reality was not expressed in some kind of original marriage ceremony, its nature did not require the abolition of the laws of secular society. Christians correctly understood the meaning of Roman jurisprudence. They appreciated her socially progressive sides. But at the same time they never forgot that in baptism and in the Eucharist they are given a new experience of life and improvement, a unique and universal experience. Therefore, the ceremonial aspect in the conclusion of marriage by Christians at first did not have a decisive significance; the focus was on the attitude of its participants to the marriage, their very personalities. If Christians entered into marriage, then the marriage also became Christian, it implied Christian responsibility for each other and the experience of Christian life. Therefore, for Christians, marriage became a sacrament, and not a legal agreement between two parties.
Marriage as a Sacrament
This mystery is great; I speak in relation to Christ and to the Church (Eph. 5:32). Neither Jewish utilitarianism, nor Roman legalism can stand next to the new concept of marriage - Christian, which we find in the 5th chapter of the Epistle to the Ephesians, namely: both husband and wife can and must transform their "contract" into the real Kingdom God's.
Each person is a member of earthly society, a citizen of his country and a member of his family. He cannot avoid the requirements of material existence, he cannot evade the duties imposed on him before society. The Gospel does not deny the responsibility of man in the world and in society. True Christianity has never called for the denial of the world. Even monks carry out their special service to the world by denying its value and striving to dominate themselves, to limit their freedom. Recognition of man - “the image and likeness of God” - is, first of all, unlimited, divine in nature, free creativity, striving for absolute Good, for the highest forms of Beauty, Love, for abiding in Good; after all, God Himself is Good, Beauty and Love, and He Himself loves a person. A person can appeal to Him, hear His answer, experience His love. For a Christian, God is not an abstract idea, but a Person with whom one can meet: I am in My Father, and you are in Me, and I am in you (John 14:20). In God, man reveals his true nature, because he was created "in the image of God." And Christ, as a perfect God, manifested a perfect human nature not in spite of His Divinity, but precisely because He was a perfect God: in Him the Divinity was revealed as the true norm of human nature.
When a person is baptized and becomes "one body" with Christ in the Eucharist, he actually comes to a more complete expression of himself, approaches true union with God and neighbors, takes responsibility for the whole world, realizes the God-given opportunity of unlimited creativity, service and love.
So, when the holy Apostle Paul calls marriage a "mystery" (or "sacrament", which in Greek sounds the same), he means that in marriage a person not only satisfies the needs of his earthly, worldly existence, but also takes a step towards path to the goal for which he was created, that is, enters the Kingdom of eternal life. Man here, on earth, has a variety of talents - intellectual, physical, emotional - but his earthly existence is limited by time. Therefore, “to be born of water and the Spirit” means to enter the Kingdom of eternal life; in the Resurrection of Christ, this kingdom is already open and can be experienced empirically. Calling marriage a “sacrament,” Saint Paul argues that marriage is preserved in the Kingdom of eternity. The husband becomes one being, one "flesh" with his wife, just as the Son of God ceased to be only God, became also a man so that His people could become His Body. This is why the gospel story so often compares the Kingdom of God with a wedding feast: it is the fulfillment of Old Testament prophecies about a marriage feast between God and Israel, the chosen people. Therefore, a truly Christian marriage should be a unity not only in the virtue of an abstract ethical law or commandment, but as the Mystery of the Kingdom of God, leading a person into eternal joy and eternal love.
As a mystery, a sacrament, Christian marriage inevitably contradicts the practical, empirical reality of fallen humanity. Therefore, he, like the gospel itself, is an unattainable ideal. But there is a huge difference between “sacrament” and “ideal”. The sacrament is not an abstraction, but an experience in which a person communicates with God. In the sacrament, human nature, without losing the fullness of human nature, participates in the higher reality of the Spirit. Humanity is becoming even more human and fulfilling its exclusive destiny. The sacrament is the path to true life, to human salvation. It opens the door to true, undistorted humanity. And therefore the sacrament is not magic. The Holy Spirit does not suppress human freedom, but frees a person from the bondage of sin. In a new life, the impossible becomes possible if a person freely wishes to accept what God gives him. All these features of the sacraments are generally seen in marriage.
Errors, misunderstandings and even opposition to God, that is, sin, are possible only as long as a person lives by the momentary, empirical, visible being of the fallen world. The Orthodox Church understands this very well, therefore the mystery of the Kingdom revealed in marriage is not limited to a set of legal norms. True understanding and justified condescension to human weakness are possible only when the New Testament teaching on marriage as a sacrament is recognized as an absolute norm.
Marriage and the Eucharist
If the ancient Church considered marriage to be a sacrament in which the joy of the Kingdom of God was anticipated, then why did it not create a special wedding ceremony, special norms of marriage, but recognized a marriage concluded according to the laws of a secular society as such a norm? The Church has never tried to abolish these laws or destroy the once established social order.
The answer to this question lies in the essence of the differences between non-Christian and Christian marriages: the first is concluded between pagans, the second - Christians; the method of marriage will not change anything here. The Apostle Paul constantly reminds us that God does not live in “temples made with hands”, that “our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit”. If a man and a woman who are members of the Body of Christ become "one flesh" in marriage, then their union is sealed by the Holy Spirit who lives in each of them.
But they become members of the Body of Christ through the Eucharist.
The connection between marriage and the Eucharist is already hinted at in the Gospel story of marriage in Cana (John 2: 1-11), which is read at the modern wedding ceremony. This text, like many other passages of the Gospel of John, emphasizes the significance of baptism and the Eucharist: just as water was transformed into wine, so the sinful life of a person by the presence of Christ can be transformed into a new reality of the Kingdom.
Ancient Christian writers, who fully recognized the legal force of civil marriage, also argue that it is the Eucharist that gives marriage its specifically Christian content. Thus, Tertullian (II century) writes that marriage, “sealed by the Church, confirmed by the sacrifice (Eucharist), is sealed with a blessing and is inscribed in heaven by Angels” (“To his wife,” II, 8, 6-9). All Christians wishing to marry first went through the formalities of civil registration, which made the marriage legal in the eyes of secular society, and then received the bishop's blessing during Sunday liturgy in the presence of the Christian community. After that, their civil agreement turned into a "sacrament" with lasting value and extending beyond the limits of earthly life, since the marriage was "recorded in heaven", and not only registered on earth. Marriage became an eternal union in Christ. The same rite is mentioned in the letter of the famous Bishop-Martyr Ignatius of Antioch (100): “Those who marry must inform the Bishop so that marriage can be an agreement in the Lord, and not a human desire” (“To Polycarp” , 5, 2).
The operation of the sacrament does not imply any special sign of the priest. The Church - the mysterious union of God with His people - is itself a Sacrament, the Secret of salvation (cf. especially the Epistle to the Ephesians, 3). A sacrament is the entry of a person into this union through baptism, since the Mystery of salvation is thereby applied to the person of this person. But all these individual sacraments find their completion in the Eucharist (Nicholas Cabasila, the great Orthodox mystic and theologian of the XIV century wrote about this - "On the Life of Christ", RU 150, col. 585 B). The Eucharist is itself a wedding feast, as is often said in the Gospel. According to Cabasila, “this is the most glorious wedding feast, to which the Bridegroom leads the Church as a virgin bride ... in which we become flesh of His flesh and bone of His bones” (ibid., Col. 593 O).
Baptism in the ancient Church was performed during the Liturgy, just as in our day ordination to deacons, priests and bishops is performed. Initially, marriage was performed in the same way. Below we will see that the canonical prohibitions of "mixed" marriages, second marriages, etc., can only be explained by the understanding of Christian marriage as a part of the Mystery, the apex of which is the Eucharist. Such marriages could not be a sacrament in the full sense of the word. Quite legal in terms of civil law, they did not have a Christian core - unity in the Eucharist.
Many of the misunderstandings and inconsistencies that are observed in the contemporary attitude of Orthodox people towards marriage could be easily eliminated by restoring the original relationship between marriage and the Eucharist. Orthodox dogmatic theology (even in its scholastic, "school" form) has theoretically confirmed this connection, declaring - in contrast to Roman Catholicism - that the priest is the "finisher" of marriage. Western medieval theology, on the other hand, by borrowing a number of concepts from Roman jurisprudence created many difficulties in dogmatic theology, including in the question of marriage. According to Catholic theologians, marriage is only a "contract" of two parties, it is concluded by the husband and wife themselves, who are the performers of the sacrament, and the priest is only a minister. Like any legal contract, a marriage is terminated upon the death of one of the parties and is indissoluble as long as the spouse is alive. Here, the only contribution of Christianity to Roman legalism is the concept of the indissolubility of marriage during the life of the spouses. According to the general view for the West, marriage is interrupted by death, like any human agreement, and therefore it is not worthy of entering the Kingdom of Heaven. It is surprising that, understood in this way, marriage continues to be called a sacrament. The Orthodox Church recognizes the priest as the performer of marriage (as well as the performer of the Eucharist), and therefore marriage is recognized as inseparable from the eternal Mystery, which destroyed the barriers between heaven and earth and bestowed eternal significance to human daring and creativity.
The Catholic Church has paradoxically preserved an ancient Christian tradition in liturgical practice: a marriage between two Catholics is concluded during Mass, while mixed marriages are deprived of this privilege. The restoration of such a practice in the Orthodox Church would, of course, bring greater benefit to Orthodox theology of marriage than borrowing legal concepts of marriage from Catholicism, especially since Catholic theology has ceased to regard its traditional liturgy as the basis of the doctrine of marriage.
Even today, the Orthodox Church sometimes finds itself in a situation reminiscent of the first centuries of Christianity. For example, in the Soviet Union, weddings in a church are often impossible due to state persecution of religion, but it is possible to accept the Eucharist anonymously without attracting the attention of the authorities. Therefore, the Church can and does in fact recognize Christian marriages even without a church ceremony. This tolerance is perfectly legitimate in such circumstances. But such a situation would, of course, be completely unacceptable if believers had the opportunity to perform a solemn wedding service. In any case, admission to the Eucharist always presupposes the assurance that the couple is not only legally marrying, but intends to live according to the gospel. The same logic applies to non-Orthodox couples joining the Church. If necessary, they are re-baptized, or they only receive chrismation, or they are immediately admitted to Orthodox confession, but they are not crowned a second time in any case, because the very fact of admitting people to the Eucharist already implies that the Church blesses their marriage union. Only a complete lack of understanding of the Orthodox teaching on marriage can lead to the re-wedding of the joining heterodox.
Wedding
Until the 9th century, the Church did not know a marriage ceremony independent of the Eucharist at the liturgy. Usually, a Christian couple, after registering a civil marriage, took part in the Eucharist, and the communion of the Holy Mysteries, according to Tertullian, was the seal of the marriage, which included the entire measure of Christian responsibility, which we talked about above.
However, starting from the 4th century, we find mentions of a solemn ceremony accompanying this sacrament among Eastern Christian authors. According to St. John Chrysostom, crowns symbolized the victory over the passions, since Christian marriage was not concluded "according to the flesh" only, but was the sacrament of eternal life, a sacrament for eternity. In the Epistle of Saint Theodore the Studite (828), we read that the wedding was accompanied by a short prayer of the bishop or priest "before all the people" at the Sunday Liturgy. Saint Theodore quotes the following text of the prayer: Yourself, O Lord, send down your hand from your holy dwelling and unite your slaves and your creation. Send down to them Thy unified combination of minds; crown them in one flesh; make them an honest marriage; keep their bed undefiled; be pleased that their life together was flawless (Letters, 1, 22, R. 99, col. 973). The liturgical books of this era (for example, the famous "Barberini Code") contain several short prayers like the one above. All of them were intended to be read during the liturgy.
However, the appearance of the wedding ceremony did not yet make it obligatory for all Christians who entered into marriage. A well-known monument of Byzantine law - "Epinagogue", the author of which was probably the famous patriarch Photius (857-867, 877-886), regulating relations between the Church and the state, says that Christians are given three ways to enter into marriage: "Marriage - Photius writes, - is the union of husband and wife, unity, for the achievement of the fullness of life by them; it is accomplished by means of a blessing, a wedding or a contract. " (XVI, X). From the 6th to the 9th century, the legislators of the empire took care of strengthening the control of the Church over marriages (see, for example, the 64th novella of Emperor Justinian), but this did not make the wedding legally binding.
A decisive step in this direction was taken at the beginning of the 10th century and coincided with the emergence of a wedding ceremony independent of the Eucharist. What caused this change, which fundamentally changed, if not the meaning of marriage, then at least the understanding of this meaning by the vast majority of believers?
The answer is easy to find in the same imperial decree that announced this change. In his 89th novel, the Byzantine emperor Leo VI (912) criticized the previous legislation for the first time because legal acts such as adoption and marriage were considered purely civil procedures. He proclaimed that both of these acts, since they are not committed by slaves, but by free people, must be sanctioned through a certain church ceremony. A marriage that does not receive the blessing of the Church “will not be considered a marriage,” but will become an illegal competition.
Several aspects of this decree deserve special attention, such as the parallel between marriage and adoption, and the exclusion of slaves from the scope of the new law. But the biggest confusion was that the Church was held accountable for legalizing marriage. Despite the very close relations between the Church and the state that existed at that time in all Christian countries, such responsibility was not quite usual for the Church. The change was unexpected. Before Emperor Leo VI, any citizen could enter into a marriage that was not approved by the Church (second or third, mixed, etc.), without leaving the framework of the law. If he was a Christian, then such an act brought on him penance and excommunication (see below), but before the civil law he remained innocent. Under the new law of Leo VI, the Church had to give legal status to all marriages, including those that contradict Christian norms. Of course, in theory, the new environment gave the Church the opportunity to improve the morality of citizens, but in practice this morality was so far from perfect that the Church was forced not only to bless marriages, she looked at some with disapproval, but also to allow divorce. This led to a partial erasure of the distinction between the "secular" and the "sacred", between fallen human society and the Kingdom of God, between marriage as a contract and marriage sacrament.
The Church paid a dear price for taking on responsibility before society: it had to “secularize” the previously purely pastoral attitude towards marriage and, in fact, abandon its strict penitential discipline. Was it possible, for example, to refuse a church blessing to a newly married widower, when this refusal entailed the deprivation of his civil rights for one or two years? With the transformation of the sacrament of marriage into a legal formality, it became impossible to avoid compromises. This, in turn, led to a distortion of the pastoral practice of the Church, and in the conscience of believers - the deep idea of marriage as a unique and eternal bond between people, mysteriously reflecting the union of Christ and the Church. The emperor Leo VI, the author of the Novella, himself imposed on the Church his own - the fourth - marriage with Zoya Karbonopsina, concluded in 903.
But there was a compromise that the Church could not agree to under any circumstances: this is the belittling of the holiness of the Eucharist. The Church, for example, could not admit to Holy Communion a non-Orthodox or a married couple entering into a second marriage. This led to the need for a new marriage ceremony, independent of the Eucharist. Under the prevailing circumstances - strengthening the legal significance of church marriage and weakening the connection between it and the Eucharist - the creation of such a ceremony became quite real.
However, even the "Novella" of Emperor Leo VI was unable to prohibit a certain category of Christians from entering into marriage through a rite of a purely liturgical nature, that is, through the Eucharist, without performing a special (often very expensive) wedding ceremony. The new law did not apply to slaves, that is, more than half of the empire's population. This contradiction between the marriage legislation for slaves and for free was eliminated by the emperor Alexei I Komnenos (1081-1118), who issued another law, making wedding a legal obligation for slaves as well.
Having established a wedding ceremony independent of the Eucharist, the Church, however, did not forget the deep connection between marriage and the Eucharist; for example, this is evident from the text of St. Simeon of Thessalonite, given in the appendices. The ancient forms of weddings included the communion of the spouses - in the words of the church canon, "if they are worthy." The exclamation of the priest was preceded by the exclamation of the priest: "The Presanctified Holy to the Holy", and the Holy Communion itself was accompanied by the sacrament verse: "I will receive the Lord's Cup." The marriage ceremony, which includes Holy Communion, existed up to the 15th century; it is found in Greek service books of the 13th century and in Slavic manuscripts up to the 15th century.
If married couples were not "worthy", that is, when the marriage did not correspond to the church canons, they were not allowed to the sacrament, but only to the cup of wine blessed by the priest. This custom, similar to the distribution of the blessed bread or antidor after the Liturgy "to those unworthy to take communion", became widespread and still exists today. But even our modern rite retains some features that testify to its original connection with the Eucharist. It begins, like the Liturgy, with the exclamation “Blessed is the Kingdom of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit” and includes communion with the common Chalice, preceded by the singing of the Lord's Prayer, as before communion at the Liturgy.
The canonical and ritual traditions of the Church also reflected the fact that the Eucharist is the "true seal" of marriage. A marriage entered into before baptism, that is, outside of connection with the Liturgy, has no sacramental meaning. From here, a newly baptized person could remarry a Christian woman, and then only he was considered a potential candidate for ordination, and this remarriage was considered in this case as the first (Apostolic Canon 17). On the other hand, as mentioned above, a non-Christian couple accepted into the Church through baptism, chrismation, and communion did not go through the re-marriage ceremony; the common participation of the spouses in the Eucharist was the Christian replenishment of the "natural" marriage contracted outside the Church. The connection between marriage and the Eucharist must be - and this is not so difficult - restored in our day. Isn't this the best way for the Church, which wants to show its children the true meaning of the sacrament in which they participate?
Number of marriages
We have already said that the continuous canonical and liturgical tradition of the Church asserts: a second marriage is completely impermissible for a Christian; he is only tolerant of condescension to human weakness (1 Cor. 7: 9). A man or woman has, as an exception, the opportunity to enter into a second marriage in Christ if their first union was a mistake (since even a church blessing cannot always magically correct a person's mistake).
Saint Basil the Great in his fourth canon says that those entering into a second marriage after the death of their wife or divorce must suffer penance - that is, be excommunicated from the sacrament - for a period of one to two years. The third marriage entails a penance for three, four, and even five years. “Such a marriage,” writes St. Basil, “we do not regard as marriage, but polygamy, or, rather, fornication, which requires the imposition of penances” (ibid.).
It is clear that a Christian marriage, which was accomplished through the Eucharist in the time of Saint Basil, could not have been concluded in this way in the event of excommunication from the sacrament, and therefore second and third marriages were only civil agreements. Only after a year of penance were married couples allowed among the faithful to take part in communion, and their marriage was recognized as Christian.
The norms drawn up by Saint Basil were carried out at least until the 9th century, as evidenced by Saint Theodore the Studite (759–826) and Saint Nicephorus, Patriarch of Constantinople (806–815). “Those who entered into a second marriage,” writes Saint Nicephorus, “were not married and were not admitted to the Honest Mysteries for up to two years; those who entered into a third marriage were excommunicated for five years ”(rule 2). It is not so much the strictness of the rules themselves that deserves attention - in general, excommunication in the ancient Church was practiced much more widely than it is now - as the Church's desire to preserve the absolute uniqueness of Christian marriage.
It was only after the separation of the marriage ceremony from the Liturgy that the Church began to show great indulgence towards second and third marriages, keeping the above-mentioned rule regarding the sacrament in force. In the “Canonical Answers” by Metropolitan Nikita of Heraclius, we read: “Strictly speaking, crowns were not assigned to those who remarried, but the Great Church (ie, Constantinople) usually did not adhere to these definitions; she tolerated that wedding crowns were bestowed on the heads of such couples ... They, nevertheless, had to refrain from accepting the Holy Mysteries for two years. "
In our modern missal, "The Succession of the Two Married" differs in many respects from the usual order. This is nothing more than a summary of the betrothal, which does not begin with the usual proclamation "Blessed be the Kingdom ..." (indicating the connection between marriage and the Eucharist). Ordinary prayers are replaced by others - of a penitential nature: “Lord Jesus Christ, the Word of God, ascended on the honest and life-giving Cross and the devil's handwriting torn to us by the violence of the devil, deliver us, cleanse the iniquity of Your servants: beyond the heat and burdens of daytime and fleshly inflamedness you cannot bear , in a second marriage, communion converge: as if you ordained the vessel of Thy election by Paul the Apostle, river us for the sake of the humble: it is better to encroach on the Lord than to siphon off. "
A second marriage (dictated by condescension to earthly human desires) was allowed only as long as this ideal norm of eternal union in the name of Christ and agreement with the laws of the future divine Kingdom was preserved. This is the positive ideal that was consistently proclaimed by the canons and the liturgy (and not by the abstract legal concept of indissolubility). In practice, this pastoral "economy" extends to the third marriage, and the fourth is formally prohibited. In the rules of Saint Basil and Saint Nicephorus, cited above, the fourth marriage is not mentioned at all, even as a supposed possibility. The famous case of the emperor Leo VI the Wise (886-912), which caused long disputes and even schism, ended with the publication of the "Volume of Unity" (920), which prohibited the fourth marriage, however, allowing the third, but limiting it to forty years of age.
The establishment of the possibility of three marriages for a Christian could obviously not have any theological justification. This establishment is purely disciplinary in nature and is determined by "economy", which is not at all, as is often mistakenly thought, a broad door to innumerable compromises. This is a truly positive Christian discipline. The earthly needs of the "old man" can be considered and even taken into account, and - as the lesser of evils - satisfied; but human salvation itself requires from a person the ability to overcome, already in this world, everything that has nothing to do with the Kingdom of God.
Conditions for marriage
Christian marriage is essentially a fusion of two personalities in love, human love, which, through the mysterious grace of the Holy Spirit, can be transformed into eternal bonds, not broken even by death. But this sacramental transformation does not in the least suppress human nature, the whole complex of emotions, actions, pleasant or unpleasant moments associated with marriage: acquaintance, meeting, courtship, determination to marry, and, finally, living together with the difficult responsibility imposed by it - that's all. it remains in the life of a Christian. The New Testament teaching on marriage reflects a concrete human being, which is not only entrusted to Jesus, but lives and operates in the conditions of the earthly world. The marriage rules and regulations that have been and are still being offered to Christians are intended to protect and preserve this meaning of marriage in the specific conditions of human life. These rules are not the ultimate goal in themselves, since otherwise they would replace love; their purpose is to protect both the divine and human aspects of marriage from the consequences of the Fall.
Freedom of choice and decision is the first condition of true Christian marriage, which the Orthodox canonical tradition seeks to preserve. There are certain canons against the forcible coercion of women into marriage, according to which marriages contracted against their will are considered invalid (rules of St. 38 St. Basil). There are also canons requiring a rather long period between engagement and marriage: this period, which was legally considered marriage, served, obviously, as a probationary period (holy rule 98 of the VI Ecumenical Council, or "Fifth").
If the defense of freedom of choice in a marriage decision is completely justified, then other provisions of the ancient canons and Christian emperors can only be justified by social, legal or psychological conditions of the past. If, for example. The Emperor Justinian's Code, which was condescendingly adopted by the Church, determined the lower limit of the marriageable age for a man and a woman at 14 and 12 years, respectively, it should be recognized that the increase in the age limit that occurs in the legislation of modern civilized countries can be considered closer to the Christian ideal of marriage. The most liberal Byzantine legal and canonical tradition in these matters will seem overly strict if we learn which distant family ties or kinship were seen as an obstacle to marriage.
Among the Jews, marriages between close relatives, even cousins, were not only allowed but encouraged; Roman law prohibited marriage between representatives of different generations (for example, uncle and niece), but did not prevent marriage of cousins. Unlike other religions, Christianity began with a very strict restriction on marriages, not only between close blood relatives, but also between married relatives. Thus, the subsequent decrees of the emperors Theodosius and Justinian, as well as the definitions of the Sixth ("Fifth") Ecumenical Council, decreed that "whoever marries his father's daughter (half-sister); or father, or son to mother and daughter; or father and son on maidens who are sisters; or mother and daughter on two brothers; or two brothers with two sisters - all of them are subject to the seven-year excommunication rule, which provides for the public renunciation of this illicit relationship ”(rule 54).
This unusual text, in all likelihood, can partly be explained by the interest of Christians in preserving human relations as they were created by birth or marriage, the desire to prevent family misunderstandings and avoid the troubles that may arise from the "love" of relatives. This is all the more justified in conditions when large families, containing various degrees of kinship, lived together. On the other hand, the conciliar decision could be influenced by the abstract principle of Roman law regarding the calculation of degrees of kinship. According to this principle, a married couple was legally considered as one person; thus, the man confessed to the first degree of kinship with his daughter-in-law. Therefore, if his wife was dying, he could not marry her sister, since according to Byzantine law, marriages were prohibited up to the seventh degree of kinship.
Nowadays, of course, there is no need to precisely follow those rules that are based on social and legal relations of the past and do not correspond to any theological or spiritual values. The only pastoral consideration that should not be overlooked is the genetic risk in consanguineous marriages.
Even more striking are the provisions of the Code of Justinian (V, 4), approved by the Sixth Ecumenical Council. They legally equate the "spiritual" ties created by baptismal acceptance with consanguinity. Thus, Canon 53 of the Fifth Council prohibits not only marriages between supporters and their godchildren, but also, which is especially emphasized, between the godfather and the mother of the newly baptized child (if she becomes a widow). The purpose of this rule is, perhaps, to protect the special responsibility that godparents should feel for raising their godson in a truly Christian spirit, without any admixture of any material aspects.
The desire to comply with ancient legal norms should not detract from the real huge responsibility that lies with the priests, educators, parents and, above all, the couple themselves, preparing to marry. A truly Christian marriage cannot, without a doubt, be achieved simply by following legal and canonical norms. Christian marriage is essentially a continuous perfection of spouses, not only in relation to each other, but, above all, in relation to Christ - a perfection achieved in the Eucharist and through it. If there is no such improvement in the conjugal union, then the fulfillment of all legal conditions will have absolutely no value.
But what if such cultivation is impossible and, moreover, undesirable for the married couple? What if marriage is seen only as a social phenomenon, or as a legal contract of property rights, or as a way of regulating sexual relations?
The priest resolves these problems whenever he encounters married couples whose relationship to the Church is purely peripheral. In such a situation, the priest must explain to them the essence of Christian marriage, each time raising the question: is it not better to limit ourselves to a civil ceremony in this case, not to enter into a church marriage without understanding or agreeing with its true meaning. This issue becomes doubly acute in connection with mixed marriages.
Mixed marriages
The official condition of church marriage is the union of faith - that is, the spouses belong to the Orthodox Church. The definitions of Laodicea (rule 10 and 31), Carthage (rule 21), Fourth and Sixth Ecumenical Councils (Chalcedonian, rule 14, "Fifth-sixth", rule 72) prohibit marriages between Orthodox and non-Orthodox and prescribe the dissolution of such marriages if they are registered by civil authorities ...
But, of course, this is not a formal question. A common faith makes marriage truly Christian. Of course, and not belonging to the same Church, you can enjoy friendship, share the interests of each other, feel true unity and "be in love" for each other. But the whole question is whether all these human relationships can be changed and transformed into the reality of the Kingdom of God, if these relationships are not enriched by the experience of belonging to the Kingdom, if they are not sealed by one faith. Is it possible to become “one body” in Christ without the joint communion of His Eucharistic Body and Blood? Can a married couple enter the sacrament of marriage - a sacrament that refers “to Christ and the Church” - without participating together in the sacrament of the Divine Liturgy?
These are no longer formal questions, these are fundamental problems that must be answered by everyone who, in one way or another, faces the problem of mixed marriage. By far the easiest solutions are provided by confessional relativism (“there are few differences between our churches”) or the simple elimination of the Eucharist from the focus of Christian life. Unfortunately, the modern practice of weddings, which does not distinguish between single and mixed marriages, pushes us to the last path. We have already said that this practice stems from the gradual desacralization of marriage, and the separation of the wedding from the Eucharist is an extreme expression of this process. In the ancient Church, the canons prohibiting mixed marriages were understood by everyone - everyone knew that the Orthodox and the heterodox could not jointly participate in the Eucharist, through which marriage was blessed. This already controversial issue has been further complicated by the recent Protestant practice of "intercommunion" between divided Christians, a practice partly adopted by modern Catholics. Personal and social responsibilities in relation to the visible Church of Christ in her Eucharist here can in fact be replaced by a vague and passive religiosity, for which the sacraments play a very secondary role.
While rejecting the "intercommunion", the Orthodox Church does not reject Christian unity. On the contrary, it defends true and complete unity and rejects all its surrogates. Therefore, with regard to marriage, the Church desires that spouses enjoy complete unity in Christ, and therefore considers only those marriages truly sanctified in which two beings are united in perfect unity of faith, sealed by the seal of the Eucharist.
“Mixed” marriages have often occurred in the past. In our pluralistic society, where Orthodox Christians represent only a small minority, mixed marriages make up a large (and growing) percentage of all marriages blessed in our churches and also, unfortunately, outside of Orthodoxy. We all know that some of these marriages lead to happy families, and it would be unreasonable and unrealistic to ban them out of the box. In fact, some mixed marriages turn out to be stronger and happier than the marriages of Orthodox Christians, who have never heard of the true meaning of Christian marriage and have not assumed any Christian responsibility before God.
This indisputable truth does not diminish the fact that the Gospel does not call us to a partial disclosure of the truth, and not even "to happiness" in the generally accepted human sense. The Lord says: Be perfect as your Heavenly Father is perfect (Matthew 5:48). Christianity is inconceivable without a struggle for perfection. Religious indifference or acceptance of the Christian faith as a secondary aspect of life itself excludes the pursuit of perfection that Christ speaks of. The Church will never be able to come to terms with indifference and relativism.
Consequently, an Orthodox priest cannot bless a marriage between an Orthodox and a heterodox. It is also obvious that to pronounce the name of Jesus Christ in front of a person who does not acknowledge Him as His Lord is devoid of any meaning. Such a prayer would be disrespectful not only towards God, but also towards the person and their beliefs (or lack of beliefs). When one participant in a future marriage is a baptized Christian, the blessing of the Orthodox Church is justified by the confidence of the Apostle Paul that an unbelieving husband is sanctified by a believing wife, and an unbelieving wife is sanctified by a believing husband (1 Cor. 7:14). But more likely, these words refer to a marriage, as a result of which one of the participants turns to the right faith, and not to one in which a member of the Church is combined with a person. Not recognizing the Church. In any case, the Church hopes that the religious unity of the family will be restored and the day will come when both spouses will unite in Orthodoxy.
The rule adopted by some Orthodox dioceses - to require from participants in mixed marriages a written obligation to baptize children and raise them in Orthodoxy - is (at least in relation to the signatory) very dubious, both from a principled standpoint and from the point of view of effectiveness. There can be no compromises here: either the Orthodox spouse must be strong enough in convictions to pass on his own religious direction to the children and confidently lead the whole family into the Church, or he refuses to take any action at all. For those who marry outside the Orthodox Church, the pastoral attitude must be quite definite. Such a marriage is viewed as a betrayal of the mysterious grace that is received from the Church in baptism, and this is actually incompatible with belonging to the Church.
Many perplexities associated with mixed marriages would be resolved for both Orthodox and non-Orthodox if the ancient practice was revived, uniting the marriage ceremony and the Eucharist into a single whole. Then, when marrying mixed couples, a completely different ceremony, independent of the Eucharist, would have to be used (as in the second or third marriage of Orthodox Christians). The impossibility of blessing mixed marriages during the Liturgy in itself would be quite eloquent and would show, first, the true essence of a marriage consecrated by the Church; secondly, the pastoral tolerance shown by the Church with the blessing of a mixed marriage; and, finally, thirdly, the Church's desire for a mixed marriage to come to perfection in the union of faith and joint participation in the Eucharist.
Divorce
The persistence of Catholicism on the issue of the legal indissolubility of marriage, a complete ban on divorce and second marriage during the life of a spouse is still a matter of controversy. The Orthodox position on this issue is very often determined by a simple opposition to Catholicism. But is it correct to say that "the Orthodox Church allows divorce"?
The traditional position of Catholicism and the canonical rules on divorce and second marriage are based on two premises: 1) marriage is a contract that is legally indissoluble for Christians; 2) the marriage contract concerns only earthly life, and, therefore, it is terminated with the death of one of the parties.
The Orthodox approach to this issue is determined by other, completely different premises:
1) Marriage is a sacrament that consists in the priestly blessing of members of the Body of the Church; like any sacrament, marriage refers to eternal life in the Kingdom of God and, therefore, is not interrupted with the death of one of the spouses, but creates between them, if they so desire and if it is given to them (Matthew 19:11), an eternal bond.
2) As a sacrament, marriage is not a magical act, but a gift of grace. Its participants, being human, can make a mistake and ask for the grace of marriage when they are not yet ready to accept it or make it fruitful.
For these reasons, the Church admits that grace may have been "not received," and allows divorce and second marriage. Of course, the Church does not encourage second marriage, even, as we shall see, second marriage in widowhood, because of the eternal and indissoluble nature of the marriage relationship; The Church only allows a second marriage when, in certain cases, it finds it the best solution for a person.
The condemnation of divorce expressed by Christ is well known: Moses, out of your hardness of heart, allowed you to divorce your wives, but at first it was not so; but I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, not for adultery, and marries another, commits adultery; and he who marries a divorced woman commits adultery (Matt. 19: 8-9; cf. 5: 31-32; Mark 10: 2-9; Luke 16, 18). But the possibility of divorce because of adultery and the words of the Apostle Paul that the wife. can divorce her husband (1 Cor. 7, 11), clearly show that the New Testament does not understand the indissolubility of marriage bonds as an absolute prohibition on human freedom. This freedom presupposes the possibility of sin and its consequences; ultimately, sin can upset marriage.
However, nowhere in the New Testament is it specifically allowed for second marriage after divorce. The Apostle Paul, while admitting the possibility of a second marriage for widows, at the same time has an extremely negative attitude towards a second marriage between divorced: And to those who marry, I do not command, but the Lord: the wife should not divorce her husband, - if she divorces, then she must remain celibate, or to be reconciled to her husband - and the husband will not forsake his wife (1 Cor. 7, 10-11).
How does the Church understand this statement? The overwhelming majority of the Church Fathers, following the Apostle Paul, condemned any form of second marriage, be it marriage after widowhood or after divorce. The Athenian philosopher from the neophytes Athenagoras, the author of The Apology of Christians (c. 177), as if expresses the opinion of all the fathers of the ancient Church, when he speaks especially about the second marriage of divorced because of “adultery”, emphasizing that “the one who is freed from his first wife, even if she died, violates marital fidelity in a certain hidden form ”(R 6, col. 968). But the Church has never regarded the Gospel as a system of compulsory legal prescriptions for human society. The gospel must be accepted by society as an absolute necessity, as a guarantee of the coming of the Kingdom; it presupposes the constant struggle of the individual with sin and evil, but it never comes down to the concept of a code of legal obligations or obligations.
Thus, divorce and remarriage were allowed in the Christian empire. The laws of the Christian emperors, especially Constantine, Theodosius and Justinian, determined the various legal grounds for divorce and second marriage. We cannot list them all in this book. On the whole, they were quite condescending. Before the law of Emperor Theodosius II (449), which prohibited divorce, the latter was the result of mutual consent of the parties. Divorce was again resolved by Justinian II in 556 and canceled only in the 8th century. Divorce with the right to enter into a second marriage was allowed not only because of adultery, but also because of political betrayal, premeditated murder, disappearance from the family for five years or more, a proven charge of adultery, and, finally, as a result of the tonsure of one of the spouses into monks.
None of the Church Fathers condemned these imperial laws for undermining Christian principles. They understood the inevitability of these laws. Emperors, like Justinian I, sincerely sought to create legislation that would be consistent with Christian ideals. Formulating this or that law, the emperors did not shy away from the competent advice of bishops and theologians. Often these advisers opposed the imperial will if it encroached on Orthodoxy; but they agreed with the divorce legislation. This legislation is reflected in the writings of many Fathers. “He who cannot maintain chastity after the death of his first wife,” writes St. Epiphanius of Cyprus, “or who divorced his wife on such sufficient grounds as fornication, adultery or other atrocity, if he takes another wife or another is married, the divine Word does not condemn him, does not excommunicate him from the Church or life; The Church tolerates this, due to its weakness "(" Against Heresies ", 69, Raz. 41, col. 1024 C - 1025 A).
Resolving divorce. The Church, however, has explained to people the evil of divorce countless times. Tolerance for state divorce laws in both the East and the West was a tolerance for "inevitable evil."
Was it condescension or surrender? Of course, the first one. The Church has always remained faithful to the norms of New Testament revelation: only the first and only marriage was blessed by the Church during the Eucharist.
We have already seen that the second and third marriages of widows were concluded only through a civil ceremony and provided for church repentance from one to five years with excommunication from the sacrament. After that time, the married couple was again considered a full member of the Church. Re-marriages after divorce required a longer penance of seven years. "He who leaves his lawful wife and takes another is guilty of adultery, according to the word of the Lord." It was established by the rules of our Father that such should be in the category of “crying” for a year, two years among “listening to the reading of the Scriptures”, three years in “falling down” and in the seventh year to stand with the faithful, and thus be admitted henceforth to Communion "(Sixth Ecumenical Council, rule 87).
There were, of course, a large number of additional points related to the distinction between the guilty party in the divorce and the innocent one; in practice, the pastoral "economy" of the Church was more lenient than the text quoted above. However, divorced due to adultery had to be excommunicated from the faithful of the Church for a long time (in accordance with the Gospel text) and stay in the temple among the “crying”, “listening” (that is, those who listened to the Holy Scriptures, but were not allowed to the sacraments) and “leaning” (that is, those who were obliged to kneel down at certain times of the service, in contrast to the faithful, who had the right to sit or stand at that time).
The Church, therefore, never “recognized” or “granted” divorce; divorce has always been viewed as a serious sin. But the Church always saw its task in the salvation of sinners, gave them the opportunity to reform, was always ready to admit them to the number of the faithful after repentance.
And only after the X century, having received from the emperors a monopoly of legal registration of marriages and determining their legality. The Church was forced to "give divorce" in accordance with the civil law of the Roman Empire, and later - of other countries. The new situation led to the loss of believers of the idea of the uniqueness of marriage according to Christian doctrine. Church marriage and church divorce have become an empty formality, an external legal fact, illegal from the point of view of strict Christian ethics.
I would suggest that our church authorities, based on the Holy Scriptures and church tradition, stop giving "divorces" (which have recently begun to be committed in civil courts) and handle cases related to permission for second marriages. Such permissions would have to be accompanied by certain forms of repentance (in accordance with each individual case) and the granting of a church blessing according to the order of the "second marriage." Such a change would make the position of our Church more definite and would make it possible to fulfill more fruitfully our ministry of preaching, leadership, and spiritual healing.
Family and birth control
Jesus Himself, on the eve of His death on the cross, at the unforgettable moment of the Last Supper, recalled the joy of childbirth: When a woman gives birth, she suffers sorrow, because her hour has come; but when she gives birth to a baby, she no longer remembers grief for joy, because a man was born into the world (John 16:21). All parents know that the "grief" that is so often forgotten after the birth of a child is not only the mother's physical suffering, but also the source of such worries, for example, as the financial situation of the family, which parents usually think about even before the birth of children. Every family usually goes through all this when a new living being, helpless and trusting in you, appears in the family and needs your love and care.
Here I would like to note the attitude of Jesus towards children: Jesus, having called a child, placed him in the midst of them and said: Truly, I say to you, if you do not turn and will not be like children, you will not enter the Kingdom of Heaven (Matthew 18: 2-3). Can we understand the deep meaning of this warning of the Lord, in all likelihood, the most intimate in the whole gospel, if parents deliberately deprive themselves of the happiness of having children?
Bearing children and raising children is the greatest joy and truly God's blessing. There is no Christian marriage without the pure and ardent desire of both parents to have this joy, to share it with each other. A marriage in which children are unwelcome is based on damaged selfish and lustful love. By giving life to others, a person imitates the creative act of God, and by refusing this, he not only rejects his Creator, but also distorts his own nature, because without the desire to imitate the Creator of life and the Father of all, man ceases to be "the image and likeness of God."
But above, we saw that the Christian view of marriage differed significantly from the Old Testament-Judaist view precisely in that for the ancient Jews marriage was important only as a means of procreation, while for Christians marriage is an end in itself, a union of two beings in love, reflecting union between Christ and the Church. And indeed, nowhere - not in the Gospel, not in the Apostle Paul, or in the patristic literature - we will not find a justification for marriage by children. In his magnificent 20th homily to the Epistle to the Ephesians, St. John Chrysostom defines marriage as "union" and "mystery" and only rarely mentions childbearing (see below. Appendix).
Modern Christian thinking, Catholic views on the issue are extremely confused. The papal encyclical, prohibiting artificial control over childbirth, does little to clarify the issue, as does the abundant comments on it, often distorting it, or even simply distorting it.
Until recently, the teaching of Blessed Augustine (IV-V centuries) dominated the question of sexuality and marriage in Western thinking. Augustine viewed sexuality and the natural sexual instinct of man as the source through which the guilt of Adam's original sin was passed on to his descendants. Therefore, marriage was considered sinful, and sex life could only be justified through childbirth. Therefore, if childbearing is artificially prevented, sexual relations become inherently sinful even in legal marriage.
The Orthodox Church recognizes the holiness of Augustine as well as the Catholic, but his dogmatic authority does not have the flavor of infallibility, as in the West. If in Eastern monastic literature sex life is sometimes identified with sin, then on the whole the Tradition of the Church firmly adheres to the decisions of the Gangres Council (see below, Appendix), which categorically rejected the doctrine condemning marriage. The sexual instinct, in its perverted and fallen form, often merges with sin, but it is still not the source through which sinfulness spreads to all generations of mankind. Marriage as such is sacramental, that is, the relationship between a man and a woman is redeemed by the Cross of Christ, transformed by the grace of the Spirit and transformed by love into eternal bonds.
If sex life is tantamount to sin, if only childbirth can atone for this guilt, then marriage and procreation compared to celibacy is the same as a miserable surrogate compared to the true Christian ideal. In this sense, the conjugal relationship has practically no positive Christian meaning; a married couple who avoids childbearing is definitely sinful - if one accepts Augustine's view of sex and marriage. Even if the recent papal encyclical "Humanae vitae", which prohibits the control of childbirth, was not based on the teachings of Augustine, but reflected a positive view of the value of human life, all the same, in fact, the idea of the sinfulness of sexuality that dominated the Catholic thinking of the past, albeit indirectly but prevents modern church leadership from changing its position on the issue of control over conception.
Throughout its history, the Orthodox Church has never bound itself with definite statements on this issue. But this does not mean at all that the problem of control over conception and childbearing is absolutely indifferent for the Orthodox and has nothing to do with their life. We have already seen that the Christian attitude to marriage implies: - childbearing is natural and sacred, is an inevitable part of Christian marriage; - to give a new life - a privilege of man, given to him by God, a privilege from which he has no right to refuse if he wants to preserve the "image and likeness of God" given to him during creation.
The papal encyclical is remarkable for confirming both of these theses, and therefore should not be neglected just because it is papal.
But there are other aspects of the family planning controversy that are widely discussed in the modern world. For example, for the “life” given by parents to their children to be completely human, it should not be limited to physical existence; it should include parental care, education, and adequate material security. When preparing for the birth of children, parents must be ready to fulfill these responsibilities. However, there are economic, social and psychological situations in which it is clear that no guarantees can be given. Sometimes we can say with almost complete certainty that the next generation will have to endure both hunger and psychological poverty.
In such situations, the issue of family planning, an issue as old as the world, is especially important. Of course, any form of abortion, that is, the deliberate destruction of the fetus, is recognized by Christians as murder and is always condemned by the Church. But is abstinence the only viable option? Is not abstinence itself a form of limiting the God-given power of action and prolonging life? Both the New Testament and Church Tradition consider abstinence to be an acceptable form of family planning. Modern Catholic teaching also advises intermittent abstinence, prohibiting "artificial" means such as pills. But is there really a difference between the means, which are usually divided into "artificial" and "natural"? Is there any kind of medical control over the "artificial" control of human functions? Will it not therefore be recognized as sinful? And, finally, a question that has a serious theological basis: can everything “natural” be considered “good”? After all, the Apostle Paul said that abstinence can lead to "incitement." Can science make control over childbirth as natural as control over food, housing, health?
To properly address the issue of birth control, it is not enough to satisfactorily answer all of these questions. Even if individual ecclesiastical authorities tried to approve of such control, in general it would never receive recognition. In any case, the Orthodox Church tradition has never been guided by the principle of developing standard formulas on controversial moral issues. There can be no universal prescription for the necessity of abstinence; the decisive factor remains personal determination, inevitable for some married couples, but not at all a necessity for others. This is especially true with contraception.
The question of control over conception and its acceptable forms can be decided strictly by the individual order of each Christian family. Only the spouses themselves can make the only right decision if they are serious about Christian responsibilities and deeply believe in the Providence of God, avoiding excessive concern for material support (Do not lay up treasures for yourself on earth - Matthew 6, 19), seeing in children great joy and God's gift; provided that their conjugal love is not purely carnal and selfish, if they constantly remember that love, reduced to the level of sex, ceases to be love. For example, in a wealthy American society, it makes little sense to avoid having children in the first two years of marriage. In any case, the advice of a clever confessor can play a big role in making the right "first step" in marriage.
Clergy and marriage
The New Testament mentions that at least some of the apostles, including the Apostle Peter, were married. The presence of a wife was considered quite normal for those who received the priesthood, and did not interfere with their ministry: But a bishop must be blameless, a husband of one wife, chaste, decent, honest ... he is a good steward of his house, keeping children in obedience with all honesty (1 Tim. 3, 2–4).
The ancient canons allowed people who intended to be ordained a priest or bishop to be married if their union was completely Christian in nature. “Whoever owed two marriages by holy baptism, or had a concubine, cannot be a bishop, or a presbyter, or a deacon, or a member of the holy order” (Apostolic Canon 17). We have seen that a second marriage was only permitted to lay people. The above rule completely excludes it for the clergy, for ordination presupposes the readiness of a person to preach the fullness of Christian life and, in particular, the Christian view of the uniqueness of marriage as a semblance of the union of Christ and the Church. Strict requirements apply to the wife of a priest: “He who marries a widow, or a divorced woman, or a harlot, or a slave, or an actress, cannot be a bishop or a presbyter, or a deacon, or even among the clergy” (Apostolic Canon 18). And here one can see the understanding of unconditional monogamy as a Christian ideal, the only one worthy of being sealed with the sacred seal of the Eucharist and achieving sacred fullness. Recall that second marriages were not blessed by the Church.
This requirement does not apply to civil marriages entered into before baptism, that is, outside the Church. We have seen that such unions were not considered marriages and were not an obstacle to the ordination of a person who then entered into marriage in the bosom of the Church.
All ecclesiastical canons state that married men can become members of the clergy, but that clergy of the highest degrees have no right to marry after initiation; The Ankira Council in the 4th century still allowed deacons to marry if they declared such an intention during ordination (rule 10). Officially, this practice was abolished by the emperor Justinian in his 123rd novella; The "Fifth" (Sixth Ecumenical) Council approved, as in other cases, the imperial law: "Since it is said in the Apostolic canons that only readers and singers of those who are made into the clergy can marry, then we, observing this, determine: let from now on neither the subdeacon, nor the deacon, nor the presbyter have permission, after ordination over them, to enter into marriage: but if anyone dares to do this, let him be expelled ... "(rule 6).
This canon law was guided by the spirit of the canons, which required maturity and fidelity from candidates for clergy. In the ancient and medieval Church, there was a rule prohibiting the ordination of a person under the age of thirty (Sixth Ecumenical Council, rule 14). If at the present time the Church deviates from this canon and ordains people even younger, this in no way removes the requirement of spiritual maturity. A man who wants to get married, who is looking for a wife for himself, always lacks fortitude, regardless of age. A completely legitimate and inevitable desire to please, caring for appearance is natural for a man at such a time, but does not befit a person whose cares are entrusted with the care of human souls, who must devote themselves to the only task - to preach the Kingdom of God. Hence the Church's rule: only those who have made a firm and final choice between marriage and celibacy are allowed to the deacon and priestly ministry.
Of course, the prohibition to marry after initiation is of a different nature than the requirement for a priest to be married once, not to a widow or divorced. The first prohibition is due to the need to observe pastoral dignity and discipline; the latter aims at achieving the absolute monogamy of the clergy and protects the biblical and dogmatic doctrine of marriage. The main reason for the prohibition of a widow priest to remarry (a prohibition that often entails personal tragedy) is that the Church recognizes as sacramental, the only one, the eternal union of a husband and wife and therefore cannot but demand from her clergy the preservation of the purity of life that they preach. to others through their ministry. The firm position of the Orthodox Church on this extremely important issue is the clearest evidence that she remains faithful to the doctrine of marriage concluded in the New Testament, although her "economy" allows second and third marriages for laymen.
Later canon law prescribes those ordained to the episcopal dignity not to marry. This rule, introduced for a purely disciplinary purpose and based on the law of the Emperor Justinian, was confirmed by the Sixth ("Fifth-Sixth") Ecumenical Council. It does not restrict the aspiration of bishops to celibacy, but allows the election to this high ministry and those who, being married, are separated from their wives: bishop, let him enter a monastery, created far from the habitation of this bishop, and let him use the support from the bishop ”(rule 48). At present, divorces by mutual consent of the spouses to achieve the episcopal dignity by the husband, fortunately, are extremely rare, and the bishop is most often elected from among the holy widows or hieromonks. The ancient church tradition, as the fortieth Apostolic Canon testifies, knew many married bishops: for example, Saint Gregory, Bishop of Nyssa, brother of Saint Basil the Great (IV century) and many bishops of his day.
The legislation of the emperor, which prohibited the consecration of married priests to the episcopal dignity, was issued at a time when the elite of Christian society already consisted in no small measure of monastic clergy. In addition, this law proceeded from the conviction that the bishop entered into a mystical marriage with his diocese and that his ministry required him to surrender all the forces of the Church.
At present, the canonical rules regarding ordination to the episcopate are too strict. However, there is no certainty that a change in this rule - carried out, for example, by the notorious Renovationist group in 1922 - will serve as a means and guarantee for the ordination of the best people in society to bishops. At least the current practice prevents any cleric from attaining the episcopal rank, which in a way protects the charismatic principle of his election. In any case, the possibility of returning to the ancient Christian practice of electing a bishop from among the married clergy depends on the decision of the new Ecumenical Council of the Orthodox Church.
At the same time, it should be said that, on the whole, the pastoral and disciplinary restrictions of the Church regarding marriage after ordination and the monastic episcopate did not violate the purity of the Orthodox tradition. Marriage is not seen by these limitations as a kind of inferior condition: it is blessed by God. “Therefore,” declares the Sixth Ecumenical Council, “if someone, acting contrary to the Apostolic rules, dares to deprive any of the sacred, that is, presbyters, or deacons, or subdeacons, the union and communion with the lawful wife, let him be expelled. Likewise, if someone, a presbyter or a deacon, under the guise of reverence, drives out his wife, let him be excommunicated ... ”(rule 13; see also the 4th rule of the Gangres Council). Therefore, in Orthodoxy, the problems facing the Roman Church now are completely impossible, for many centuries it adhered to the views of Blessed Augustine on marriage, now widely contested, and literally imposed celibacy on the clergy. In Russia, until very recently, only a married person could be a parish priest, and monastic clergy held educational and administrative posts in the Church. Modern practice is even more flexible and enables many hieromonks to conduct parish pastoral activities.
In any case, regardless of the shades of church discipline, the Orthodox Church firmly considers the marriage bond of the clergy to be a positive norm of church life if the principles of the uniqueness and sacramentality of marriage are preserved.
Marriage, celibacy and monasticism
Christian ethics is paradoxical in general, and in particular, because marriage and celibacy, implying seemingly different principles of behavior, are based on a single theology of the Kingdom of God, therefore, on a single spirituality.
At the beginning of this book, it was shown that a feature of Christian marriage is the transformation and modification of the natural relationship between a man and a woman into an eternal bond of love, not interrupted by death. Marriage is a sacrament, because in it is the future Kingdom of God, marriage is a feast of the Lamb (Rev. 19: 7-9), in it all the fullness of unity between Christ and the Church is anticipated and foretold (Eph. 5:32). Christian marriage sees its completion not in carnal satisfaction, not in achieving a certain social position, but in eschaton - “the end of all things,” which the Lord prepares for His chosen ones.
Celibacy - and especially monasticism - is based on the Scriptures and Tradition of the Church, they are directly related to the idea of the future Kingdom. The Lord Himself said that when they are resurrected from the dead, then they will neither marry nor be given in marriage, but will be like angels in heaven (Mark 12, 25). But it has already been said above that these words should not be understood in the sense that Christian marriage will be destroyed in the future Kingdom; they only indicate that the fleshly character of human relationships is canceled. Thus, the New Testament repeatedly praises celibacy as an anticipation of "angelic life": There are eunuchs who made themselves eunuchs for the Kingdom of Heaven, says Christ (Matthew 19, 12). The great image of St. John the Baptist, the Apostle Paul and the "one hundred forty-four thousand" mentioned in the Apocalypse (Rev. 14: 3-4) serve as a worthy model for countless Christian saints who have preserved the purity of virginity for the glory of God.
The ancient Christians and Church Fathers paid special attention to virginity, probably this was a natural reaction to the sexual immorality of the pagan world and a reflection of Christian eschatologism. It can be said that monasticism for many of its adherents was the best solution to their ethical problems. Despite this, the Church has preserved the uncompromising value of Christian marriage. This unconditional recognition of the sacrament of marriage speaks for itself, given that only a few church writers recognized the sacramental nature of the rite of monastic tonsure. This enduring value of marriage is beautifully expressed in the works of Clement of Alexandria, one of the founders of Christian theology (3rd century), as well as the great John Chrysostom (excerpts from their writings are given in the Appendix).
Both marriage and celibacy are thus the ways of the gospel life, the anticipation of the Kingdom that has already been manifested in Christ and will manifest in its power on the last day. That is why we can recognize only marriage in Christ, sealed by the Eucharist, and celibacy "in the name of Christ", which carry an eschatological meaning, and not the marriage that was concluded by chance, as a kind of contract or the result of carnal delight; not the celibacy that is adopted out of inertia or, even worse, out of irresponsible selfishness and self-defense. The Church blesses monks, ascetics, spiritual people, blesses Christian marriages, but does not need to bless old bachelors and old maidens.
Just as Christian marriage involves sacrifice, family responsibility, dedication and maturity, Christian celibacy is unthinkable without prayer, fasting, obedience, humility, mercy, and constant ascetic exercise. Modern psychology has not found that lack of sexual activity creates any problems; The Church Fathers knew this very well and developed an excellent system of ascetic exercises on which monastic life is built and which make virginity and abstinence not only possible, but also fruitful. They knew, unlike some modern psychologists, that the instinct of love and reproduction inherent in man is not isolated from other manifestations of human existence, but is the center of it. It cannot be suppressed, but it can be transformed, modified and, with the help of prayer, fasting and obedience in the name of Christ, is directed into the channel of love for God and neighbor.
The crisis around the issue of celibacy in the Catholic Church is caused by its coercive nature, which deprives this ministry of spirituality and turns it from a natural need into something unbearable and unnecessary. Services, daily mass, a special prayer way of life in isolation from the world, in poverty and fasting, is now abandoned by the Catholic clergy. The modern priest does not particularly limit himself in relation to the satisfaction of material needs (food, comfort, money); he doesn't have any real discipline of prayer. But in this case, his celibacy loses its spiritual meaning, that is, the eschatological character, indicating the way to the Kingdom. How different from this Kingdom are the usually comfortable houses of parish priests, how incompatible are the provisions of modern theology - "living in the world", "social responsibility" - with the ways of achieving the Kingdom! Why, then, celibacy?
But in the Orthodox understanding, celibacy, undertaken solely for the purpose of attaining episcopal dignity, is even more dangerous in a spiritual sense. The tradition of the Church unanimously affirms that true purity and true monastic life are realizable only in the monastery community. Only a very few especially strong personalities can remain celibate in the world. Humility is the only virtue that can lighten their burden; but, as we all know, it is one of the most difficult to achieve and therefore the rarest virtues.
Monasticism has always been regarded by Orthodoxy as a true testimony of the Gospel of Christ. Monks, as in their time the Old Testament prophets and early Christian martyrs ("witnesses"), made a worthy contribution to the establishment of Christianity. By personal example of an enlightened, joyful life filled with the highest content of prayer and service, independent of the circumstances of this world, the monks gave living proof that the Kingdom of God is truly within us. The restoration of this tradition would have a very special meaning for the militant-secularized world around us. Today's humanity, claiming complete independence, does not ask Christianity for help in its search for a "better world." However, it may again become interested in helping the Church if the latter reveals to the world not only the “better”, but also a truly new and higher being. That is why now many young people, who are looking for this new and higher, find it, at best, in Zen Buddhism, or, worse and more often, in a narcotic trance, or other similar means that bring them closer to death.
The monks witnessed a new life. If there were more genuine monastic communities among us, our testimony would be more convincing. However, the new creation of Christ in all its beauty remains available to all of us through conjugal love, if only we, together with the Apostle Paul, accept marriage "relative to Christ and the Church."
Conclusion
Marriage is a sacrament, because through it and in it the Kingdom of God acquires a vital tangible reality. In each sacrament, the only Mystery of salvation becomes a reality and is applied to a specific moment of human existence. In any case, entering a new life - whether spiritual growth, priestly service, or the healing of a sick person - takes place in the presence of Christ the Savior through the Holy Spirit: in baptism, chrismation, consecration to various degrees of the priesthood, in the sacrament of anointing. In each case, a new life enters into the existence of a person - enters as a reality, and not as a duty, as a gift and opportunity, and not as a magic spell. The person remains the right of free choice: either to enter the door that opens before him, or to remain in the same place, that is, in the kingdom of the flesh.
Individual sacraments acquire true reality only when they express the common life of the Church - the Body of Christ. Baptism is the entrance to the Church; chrismation is a gift that determines free development in the Spirit; the priesthood is the responsibility for the unity and building up of the Body; the sacrament of blessing of oil opens up new boundaries of being in the “new Adam,” where there is no sickness or death. All these individual aspects of the life of the Body have as their center and peak the Mystery, which makes the Church the Body of Christ: the Divine Liturgy, the Eucharist. There can be no sacraments outside this Body.
Therefore, the significance of marriage as a sacrament cannot be understood outside the Eucharistic context. From the very first days of its existence, the Church recognized only that marriage which was concluded between two members of the Body of Christ; only he could be transformed into the reality of the Kingdom of Heaven. Only in the flesh and blood of Christ can two Christians become one flesh on the Christian path - through the Eucharist, becoming partakers of the Body of Christ. That is why the ancient Christians entered into marriages only during the Divine Liturgy, when the bride and groom received the Divine Mysteries; this could only be the first marriage, which both parties perceived as an eternal bond, indissoluble even after death.
The greatest sacred object of marriage, as long as it lives in people, will live in a fallen and painful world, will need the protection of legal laws and formalities. We have seen that this formal, canonical aspect of church practice is not an end in itself for the Church; it only indicates the ways in which the Christian ideal of marriage, that is, the semblance of the union of Christ with the Church, can best manifest itself in today's world. The Church defines possible cases of indulgence towards imperfect forms of marriage - in those, for example, cases when there is a separation of marriage and the Eucharist; The Church protects the doctrine and pastoral authority of the priesthood by not allowing the clergy to indulge in the laity.
Considering marriage a sacrament of the Kingdom of God, the Gospel and the Church do not thereby create any special mystical reality that does not have points of contact with the world around us. The Christian faith is the truth not only about God and His Kingdom, but also about man. The Christian teaching on marriage imposes a joyful responsibility on the individual; it reveals legitimate satisfaction for soul and body; it indicates the path of truth; it gives man the inexpressible joy of creating a new life, brings him closer to the Creator, who created the first man.
In order to reveal and show the unity of the Orthodox tradition, in the Appendix we give a selection from various biblical texts, patristic writings, etc. These inspired words will reveal to us the true greatness of those liturgical and canonical texts to which we have so often referred in this book.
Appendix 1. New Testament on Marriage
Resurrection changes the meaning of marriage
Luke 20, 27-40
Then some of the resurrection-rejecting Sadducees came and asked Him: Master! Moses wrote to us that if a brother who had a wife dies and dies childless, then his brother must take his wife and raise up his brother's seed. There were seven brothers, the first, taking a wife, died childless; the second took that wife, and he died childless; took her third; likewise all seven, and died leaving no children; after all, the wife also died; So, in the resurrection of which of them will she be a wife, for the seven had her as a wife?
Jesus answered and said to them: The children of this age will marry and are given in marriage; but those who were vouchsafed to reach that age and the resurrection from the dead neither marry nor are given in marriage, and can no longer die, for they are equal to the Angels and are the sons of God, being sons of the resurrection. And that the dead will rise, and Moses showed at the bush, when he called the Lord the God of Abraham and the God of Isaac and the God of Jacob. But God is not the God of the dead, but of the living, for with Him all are alive.
To this some of the scribes said: Master! You said well. And they no longer dared to ask Him about anything.
(See parallels: Matthew 22: 23–32; Mark 12, 18–27).
Divorce
Matthew 5: 31-32
It has also been said that if anyone divorces his wife, let him give her a divorce divorce (see Deut. 24: 1-4). But I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for the guilt of fornication, gives her an excuse to commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.
Matthew 19: 3-12
And the Pharisees came to Him, and tempting Him, said to Him, Is it permissible for any reason for a man to divorce his wife?
He answered and said to them: Have you not read that He who made the first man and woman created them? And he said: Therefore a man will leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife, and the two will be one flesh, so that they are no longer two, but one flesh. So what God has united, let not man separate.
They say to Him: how did Moses command to give a divorce letter and divorce her?
He says to them: Moses, because of your hardness of heart, allowed you to divorce your wives, but at first it was not so; but I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, not for adultery, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries a divorced commits adultery.
His disciples say to Him: if such is the duty of a man to his wife, then it is better not to marry.
But he said to them: not all can contain this word, but to whom it has been given, for there are eunuchs who were thus born out of their mother's womb; and there are eunuchs who are emasculated by people; and there are eunuchs who made themselves eunuchs for the Kingdom of Heaven. Who can contain, let him.
Mark 10, 2-12
The Pharisees approached and asked, tempting Him: is it permissible for a husband to divorce his wife? He answered and said to them: What did Moses command you? They said: Moses allowed me to write a divorce letter and divorce. Jesus answered and said to them: For your hardness of heart he wrote you this commandment. At the beginning of the creation. God created them male and female. Therefore a man will leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife, and the two will be one flesh; so they are no longer two, but one flesh. So what God has united, let not man separate.
In the house His disciples again asked Him about the same thing. He said to them: Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery by her; and if a wife divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.
Everyone who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery, and everyone who marries a woman who is divorced from her husband commits adultery.
1 Corinthians 7, 10-18
And to those who marry, I do not command, but the Lord: the wife should not divorce her husband - if she divorces, then she must remain celibate, or be reconciled with her husband, and the husband should not leave his wife. But to the others I say, and not the Lord: if any brother has an unbelieving wife, and she agrees to live with him, then he should not leave her; and a wife who has an unbelieving husband and he agrees to live with her should not leave him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the believing wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy. If the unbeliever wants to get divorced, let him get divorced; a brother or sister in such cases is not bound; the Lord has called us to peace. Why do you know, wife, will you save your husband? Or do you, husband, why do you know if you will save your wife?
Jesus Honored Marriage with His Presence
John 2, 1-11
On the third day, the marriage was in Cana of Galilee, and the Mother of Jesus was there. Jesus and His disciples were also invited to the marriage. And as there was a lack of wine, the Mother of Jesus said to Him: They have no wine. Jesus says to her: what is to me and to you, wife? My hour has not yet come. His mother said to the servants: whatever He says to you, do it. There were also six stone waterpots, standing according to the custom of Jewish cleansing, containing two or three measures. Jesus says to them: Fill the vessels with water. And filled them to the top. And he said to them: Now draw out and take it to the master of the feast. And they carried it. When the steward had tasted the water that had become wine - and he did not know where this wine came from, only the servants who drew the water knew - then the steward calls the groom and says to him: every man serves good wine first, and when they get drunk, then the worst; and you have kept good wine until now. So Jesus started miracles in Cana of Galilee and showed His glory; and his disciples believed on him.
Marriage is a mystery
Ephesians 5: 21-33
... obeying one another in the fear of God. Wives, obey your husbands as to the Lord, because the husband is the head of the wife, just like Christ is the head of the Church, and He is the Savior of the body. But as the Church obeys Christ, so also wives to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the Church and gave Himself for her in order to sanctify her, cleansing her with a bath of water by means of the word; to present her to Himself as a glorious Church, without spot, or wrinkle, or anything like that, but that she might be holy and blameless. So husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies: he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one has ever had hatred for his flesh, but nourishes and warms it, like the Lord Church, because we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. Therefore a man will leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife, and the two will be one flesh. This mystery is great; I speak in relation to Christ and to the Church. So each of you love his wife as himself; and let the wife fear her husband.
Second marriage of the widows
1 Corinthians 7: 39-40
The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband lives; if her husband dies, she is free to marry whomever she wants, only in the Lord. But she is happier if she stays that way, according to my advice; but I think I also have the Spirit of God.
Appendix 2. Church tradition about marriage
SAINT JOHN CHILATOUST.
CONVERSATION XX ON THE EPHESIANS
The meaning of love
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the Church (Eph. 5:25).
You have heard of great obedience; you are pleased with Paul and glad that he, like some wondrous and spiritual teacher, teaches us order in life. OK! But listen to what he demands from you: he gives the same example further.
Husbands, he says, love your wives as Christ loved the Church.
Have you seen the measure of obedience? Hear also about the measure of love. Do you want your wife to obey you as the Church obeys Christ? Take care of her yourself, as Christ does about the Church. Even if you had to sacrifice your life for her, even if you had to be cut a thousand times, or suffer and suffer whatever, do not refuse; but even though you have endured all this, do not think that you have done anything like what Christ did. You endure this, being already in union with your wife; but He suffered for the Church that turns away from Him and hates Him. As He, when she disgusted, hated, despised Him, and was depraved, by His great condescension, subdued her under His feet, without resorting to threats, reproaches, intimidations or anything like that - so you do in attitude towards your wife: even if you saw that she neglects you, that she is depraved, that she despises you, be able to bring you to your feet with your great care for her, love and friendship. There is no bond stronger than these, especially for a husband and wife. A servant can sometimes be bound by fear - or rather you cannot bind him either, he will jump away and run away - but you cannot bind a fellowship of life, the mother of children and the culprit of all joys, not with fear and threats, but with love and disposition. What kind of marriage is it when the wife trembles her husband? What pleasure can a husband enjoy when he lives with his wife as with a worker and not as with a free woman? If it happened to be patient for her, do not murmur; Christ did not do this.
Christ loved more
And he gave himself up, - he says, - for her, in order to sanctify her, purifying her (Eph. 5: 25-26).
It means that she was unclean; it means there were dirty spots on it; so it was ugly and worthless. And no matter what wife you took, your bride was not what Christ found the Church; she is not as different from you as the Church was from Christ. For all that, He did not abhor her and did not hate her for her excessive ugliness. Do you want to know how ugly she was? Hear what Paul says: You were once darkness (Eph. 5, 8). Do you see her blackness? What is blacker than darkness? But look also at her insolence: They lived, - he says, - in malice and hatred (Titus 3, 3). Look also at the impurity: They are unthinkable, disobedient. What else do you say? She was both insane and blasphemous. However, in spite of the fact that there was so much evil in her, He gave Himself up for the ugly as a beautiful one, as a beloved, as worthy of wondrous praise. Perplexed by this, Paul said: For hardly anyone will die for the righteous (Rom. 5, 7), and also: Christ died for us when we were still sinners (Rom. 5, 8). And having received her like this, He adorns her and washes her and does not refuse it.
What is true beauty?
To sanctify her, says the Apostle, by cleansing her with a bath of water by means of the word; to present her to Himself as a glorious Church, without spot, or wrinkle, or anything like that, but that she might be holy and blameless (Eph. 5: 26-27).
Banei washes her impurity. Through the word, he says. Which one? In the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit (Mt 28, 19). And he not only adorned it, but also made it glorious, having no "spot, or blemish, or anything like that." So, we will also seek this beauty, and we will be able to become its creators. Do not demand from your wife what she does not have. Do you see that the Church received everything from Vladyka? Through Him she became glorious, through Him blameless. Do not turn away from your wife because of her unattractiveness. Hear what the Scripture says: The bee is small among those that fly, but its fruit is the best of sweets (Sir 11: 3). She is God's creation: you do not blame her, but the One who created her. What is the wife's fault? Do not praise her for her beauty either. Such praise and such hatred are characteristic of depraved souls, and even the most (passionate) love. Look for the beauty of the soul; imitate the Bridegroom of the Church. Bodily beauty produces great insolence and much that is unreasonable; she awakens jealousy and often makes you suspect you of vile deeds. But, you say, is it a pleasure? One month or two, a lot, if a year, but not further; from habit, this miracle soon loses its charm. And what is bad because of beauty remains forever: blindness, madness, arrogance. There is nothing of the kind in (pleasure) that is not provided by this (beauty); there love, which began in a proper way, remains constant, like love for the beauty of the soul, and not of the body. Tell me what's more beautiful than the sky? What is more beautiful than the stars? You say: the body - but it is not so white; you point to the eyes - but they are not so shiny. When the heavens were created, the Angels marveled at it; and we are now amazed at it, although not in the same way as at first. This is from habit. that we are no longer so amazed by them. But is it all the more (one could say this) in relation to his wife? And if an illness happens, then everything immediately flies away. Let us seek in a wife for prudence, moderation, meekness: these are the signs of (true) beauty, but we will not seek bodily beauty, and we will not reproach her for not depending on her, or better, and will not reproach at all. because this is characteristic of insolence, let us not be upset and indignant. Or don't you see how many of those who lived with beautiful wives, but ended their lives miserably; on the contrary, how many of those who had wives that were not very good looking, but in complete prosperity lived to a ripe old age? We will exterminate the internal filth, we will expel the internal imperfections, we will destroy the spiritual stains. God desires such beauty. We prepare her (wife) beauty for God, and not for ourselves.
Money corrupts
We will not seek money, nor external nobility, but spiritual nobility. Let no one think of getting rich through his wife: such wealth is shameful and shameful; and in general, let no one seek wealth here, because those who wish to get rich, it is said, fall into temptation and a snare and into many reckless and harmful lusts that plunge people into distress and destruction (1 Tim. 6, 9). Do not look for big money from your wife, and you will easily find everything else. Who, tell me, leaving the most important, will take care of the unimportant? But alas, we always do this. If we have a son, then we are not trying to make him good, but how to find him a rich wife, not about being well-behaved, but about being rich. And if we outline a way of life, then we are also not concerned about how we can live sinlessly, but about how we can acquire more profits. Money came to mean everything. That is why everything has been damaged because we are possessed by this passion.
Nothing could be better ...
So each of you love his wife as himself: and let the wife fear her husband (Eph. 5:33).
Truly, this is a sacrament and a great sacrament, because a man, leaving behind the one who produced him, who gave birth, brought up, and the one who conceived him, gave birth to illnesses, (leaving) those who benefited him so much, to which he was accustomed, - and is combined with the one whom he had not seen before, which has nothing to do with him, and prefers her to everything. Truly, this is a sacrament. And parents do not grieve when this is done, but, on the contrary, grieve when this does not happen, and, as a sign of joy, do not regret monetary costs and expenses. Truly, this is a great sacrament that contains some kind of secret wisdom. This was shown by the ancient prophet Moses; about this and now Paul cries out, saying: in relation to Christ and to the Church (Eph. 5:32). However, this is said not only in relation to the husband, but also to the wife, so that he would warm her like his flesh, like Christ the Church, and the wife so that she is afraid of her husband. Speaks not only about love - but what? "Yes, afraid of her husband." The wife is a secondary power; therefore, she should not demand equality with her husband, since she is under the head; and he should not arrogantly look at her as a subordinate, because she is his body, and if the head neglects the body, then it will disappear itself; instead of obedience, she must bring love. Both the head and the body: the body gives hands, feet and all other members to the service of the head; and the head takes care of the body, devoting all his understanding to it. There is nothing better than such a marriage ...
Second marriage is a concession
What will those who are united in a second marriage say? I do not say in condemnation - let it not be - and the Apostle permits it.
Small church
But condescending to her weakness, deliver everything to her, do everything for her sake and endure: this is necessary for you. In this case (the Apostle) does not deign to give advice on the basis of external examples, as he often does. The great and powerful example of Christ was enough, especially to prove the (necessity) of obedience.
He will leave, - he says, - a man his father and mother. Now, this is an external indication. However, he did not say: and he will live together (with his wife), but: he will cleave, meaning by this the closest unity, the strongest love. He was not satisfied with this either, but through guidance he explained the subordination of his wife in such a way that two no longer seem to be two. But he said: into the spirit; did not say: into the soul, since this is obvious and quite possible, but (said that they are combined) so that they are one in flesh.
Although the wife also has power in the house, namely the second, although she has authority and is equal to the husband, but for all that, the husband has something more, namely, the primary care of the house. In accordance with Christ, he received the fact that not only to love (his wife), as it should, but also to make things comfortable (her life). That she was, - he says, - holy and blameless.
When it is said - in the flesh, of course love; likewise, when it is said - cleave, so also of course is love. If you make her holy and blameless, then everything will follow. Seek what is of God, and what is human will follow very easily. Manage your wife, and your house will be well-organized. Hear what Paul says: If they want to learn something, let them ask their husbands about it at home (1 Cor. 14:35). If we manage our homes in this way, then we will be capable of managing the church, because the home is a small church. Thus, if husbands and wives are good, then everything will be excellent ...
Damn words: "this is mine"
If you want to make dinner or have a feast, then do not call anyone dishonorable, anyone indecent, but if you find any holy poor man who can bless your house, maybe, stepping on your foot, bring every blessing of God, call him. I will say something else. Let none of you try to marry someone who is richer than you, but better to someone who is poorer. Having entered with money, she will bring not so much pleasure as sorrow with her reproaches, her unnecessary demands, her abuse, wastefulness, rudeness. Perhaps she will say: you have not yet spent anything on me; I dress with my own money, which my parents gave me. But what do you say, woman, as if you are still dressing in yours? What is more meaningless than such words? You don't have your body, but you have your own money? After marriage, you are no longer two flesh, but “one flesh”; and there are two estates, not one? Oh, love of money! Both of you have become one person, one living being, and you keep saying: this is mine. This cursed and pernicious word was brought in from the devil. Everything that is much more necessary than this, God created common for us, and this is not common? This is not to say: my light, my sun, my water - all the most important - we have one in common, and money is not common? Let money perish a thousandfold, or, better, not money, but spiritual dispositions that interfere with the rational use of money and encourage people to prefer it to everything.
By the way, teach your wife this also, only with great love. Since the admonition to virtue in itself contains a lot of painful things, especially for a tender and young girl, when there is talk about love of wisdom, come up with more affectionate expressions, and in particular, remove her concept from the soul: "mine", "yours." If she says: "mine," then tell her: what do you call yours? I don’t know, I don’t have anything of my own. How do you say: mine, when everything is yours? Caress her with these words. Do you not see that we do this in relation to children? When a child grabs something that we are holding and wants to take something else, we give in to him and say: yes, this and that is yours. Let us do the same with my wife, since her mind is rather childish, and when she says: mine, say: everything is yours and I am yours. These words are not words of flattery, but of great prudence. By this you can extinguish her anger and extinguish her annoyance. Flattery consists in the fact that someone acts dishonestly out of an evil disposition: and this is the greatest love of wisdom. So, say: I am yours too, baby. I was convinced of this by Paul, who said the husband has no power over his body, but the wife (1 Cor. 7: 4). If I do not have power over my own body, but - you, then even more so - over money. By saying this, you will calm her down, extinguish the fire, put the devil to shame, make her a slave, more obedient than money bought; with these words you will bind her. Thus, by what you say, teach her never to say: mine, yours.
Teaching about love
And do not just call her, but with affection, honor, with great love. Respect her, and she will not need respect from others, will not need the approval of others, if she uses yours (respect and approval). Prefer her to everyone, in all respects and in regard to beauty and prudence, praise her. Thus, you will convince her not to listen to anyone else; but neglecting all strangers. Teach her the fear of God, and everything will flow to you, as from a source, and your house will be full of many blessings. If we begin to seek the incorruptible, then this corruptible will also come: Seek, then, it is said, before the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all this will be added to you (Matthew 6, 33). What will be the children of such parents? What are the servants of such gentlemen? What are all those close to them? Will they not be filled with innumerable blessings? After all, the servants, for the most part, perceive the customs of their masters and imitate their aspirations: they love the same as they do; talk about what they have learned from them; they do the same. So, if in this way we direct ourselves and listen to Scripture, then we will learn a lot from it, and through this we will be able to please God, and spend our whole real life in virtue, and receive the blessings promised to those who love Him, which may we all be worthy of grace and philanthropy. Our Lord Jesus Christ, with whom to the Father with the Holy Spirit glory, power, honor, now and ever and forever and ever. Amen.
CLIMENT OF ALEXANDRIA
STROMATY, KN. III
Marriage and celibacy
Abstinence consists precisely in what it consists in paying little attention to the body according to the power of the confession of faith in God. Abstinence consists in removing not only from the pleasures of love, but also from everything that a soul, which does not know how to be satisfied with what is necessary, is not allowed to desire. So you can restrain your language, your passion for acquisitions, for pleasures; you can restrain your wishes. Abstinence not only teaches us moderation; it protects us by moderation from many bad things, for temperance is the power and gift of God. So, what should we say in response to our opponents? We delight chastity and those to whom it is bestowed. We honor monogamy and decency in it. But at the same time we affirm that one should be compassionate towards others and bear the burdens of each other (Gal. 6: 2), so that he who thinks that he is standing, beware lest he fall (1 Cor. 10, 12). As for the second marriage, the Apostle says: ... it is better to marry than to kindle (1 Cor. 7: 9).
Consecration of body and soul
For us Christians, indeed, not only spirit, but also manners, and life, and body must be sanctified. Otherwise, in what sense and for what other purpose did the Apostle say that the wife is sanctified by the husband, and the husband by the wife (1 Cor. 7:14). Otherwise, that is, without this mutual consecration by the spouses of each other, what would the answer of the Lord to those who asked Him about divorce mean: Should one divorce his wife, as Moses allowed? According to your hardness of heart, - said the Lord, - Moses wrote it. Have you not read that God said to the first-created man: And you two will be one flesh, so that whoever divorces his wife not for the criminal conquest of another man's criminal inclination, he himself lets her go to seek such an inclination (Matthew 19: 3, 7, 8 et seq .; Mark 10, 8, 2, 4, 5 et seq.). “But after the resurrection,” adds the Lord, “neither men will marry, nor women will marry” (Matthew 22:30; Mark 12:23; Luke 20:35). For both about the belly and about food it is said: Food is for the belly, and the belly is for food, but God will destroy both (1 Cor. 6, 13).
The Apostle here condemns those who find life in the manner of pigs and goats worthy of themselves and condemns the calm, drowning out the voice of conscience, immersion in gluttony and drowning in animal lusts.
But “the resurrection in them,” say the heretics, “has already been accomplished; that's why they reject marriage. " If so, then let them at the same time stop eating and drinking, for the Apostle said that in the "resurrection both the belly and the food will be abolished." After this, they do not have the right either to eat or drink, or to indulge other carnal desires, which by no means a believer who has attained full resurrection in Christ, the goal of our hopes, will not allow himself. And what am I saying? The most idolaters, even those, observe abstinence in food and sensual pleasures. Moreover, the Kingdom of God is not food and drink, - says the Apostle (Rom. 14, 17). It is known that magicians who worship angels and demons attach great importance to their abstinence from wine, meat and the deeds of the lower animal life. And just as “humility consists in meekness, and not in a careless attitude to the body” (Col. 2:23), in the same way temperance is a spiritual virtue, declaring itself not so much outwardly as in conscience and a secret state of mind.
There are heretics who directly call marriage an illegal affair and teach that this is an institution of the devil. Being puffed up boons, they claim about themselves that they imitate the Lord, who remained celibate and did not own any property on earth; and they boast that they have brought the gospel to understanding better than any other Christian. But the Scripture answers them: God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble (Proverbs 3:34; James 4: 6; 1 Pet. 5: 5). Then, they do not delve into the reason why the Lord remained celibate. First, the Church was His bride. Then He was not an ordinary person, so that in the flesh he needed some kind of helper. And there was no need for him to have children. Him, who lives forever and is the only begotten Son of God. But the Lord Himself says: What God has combined, let not man separate (Matthew 19: 6; Mark 10: 9). And again: And as it was in the days of Noah, they ate, they drank, they married, and they went out in marriage, and they built houses, planted; and as it was in the days of Lot: so it will be at the coming of the Son of Man (Matt. 24, 37; 38, 39; Luke 17:28). And showing that this does not apply to the Gentiles. He adds: But when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on earth (Luke 18: 8)? And again: Woe to those who are pregnant and to those who are nursing suckers in those days (Matthew 24:19; Mark 13:17; Luke 21:23). But this is said allegorically. Therefore, He also does not define "time" which the Father put in His power (Acts 1: 7), thus saying that the world has to exist from generation to generation.
Responsibility for children
As for our opinion about marriage, about food and such things, then already here, at the beginning of our reasoning about these subjects, we will express in general our opinion about them. You do not need to fall under the power of passions and you should not be determined by their voice in your actions, but to limit your desires to only the most necessary. We are not the wishes of the child (John 1:13), but the will. Whoever marries in order to have children must be abstinent, and not even wish for his own wife; of course, he is obliged to love her, but in the survival of children he must be guided by an honest and decent desire. For we have been taught “not to turn the care of the flesh into lusts, but to behave decently, as during the day,” walking in Christ, who is our sunny day; We must arrange our life rationally, so that it is a reflection of the light of Christ, the knowledge of Him, indulging in either feasting and drunkenness, or voluptuousness and debauchery, or quarrels and envy (Rom. 13, 13).
One should not understand abstinence one-sidedly, that is, in relation to only the works of the flesh; it should extend to all other desires, to which our sensual soul is given, thirsty for pleasure, not content with the necessary. Abstinence consists in paying little attention to money, in stifling voluptuousness, in setting a lofty point of view on wealth and theatrical performances. It further consists in curbing the language, in taming dissolute desires, in the presentation of the dominance of reason over them. Already some angels, not holding back their passions and being defeated by desires, have not fallen from heaven to earth?
But as soon as someone has decided to either remain a virgin or unite in marriage, he must remain unshakable in his decision once made and never shy away from the worst. Because whoever, through the purity and completeness of self-control, consistent with the spirit of the Logos, is the integrity of his life, in the circle of times he has chosen, is able to aggravate and exalt, then such a life before the Lord receives all the more dignity. If someone, having aspirations for the highest glory, would leave his chosen time of life, then how, after that, could he still cherish the hope of achieving perfection? No, both celibacy and marriage present a person with their own special requirements and special duties, which are equally valuable in the eyes of the Lord. Thus, in marriage, care for the wife and children and their maintenance is honored. Even the ordinary duties of a marriage union make the clan of Providence a completely valiant spouse, since he has to be constantly concerned about being the good of the family and trying to satisfy all its needs. That is why the Apostle requires that people be appointed bishops, prepared through the management of the family to take care of the whole church (1 Tim. 3, 4-5). So, let each one be busy with the work of fulfilling his duties "in the calling" which he passed when he was called (to Christ) in order for him to be free in Christ and receive a reward corresponding to his ministry (1 Cor. 7: 22– 24).
Lawless celibacy
The beginning of wisdom, says the Scripture, is the fear of the Lord (Proverbs 1: 7). A perfect man covers everything, endures everything out of love, pleasing not people, but God (1 Cor. 13, 1-7; 1 Fairy. 2, 4). His behavior evokes praise from the people for him, not because of the consequences thereof, that everyone sees this as a personal benefit for himself, but because his example is considered worthy of praise by those who praise him. But besides the temperate of this kind, restraining their disordered emotional impulses for these reasons, there are also other kinds of temperate, who turn out to be such because they want to keep behind themselves the once acquired blessings; in distinguishing between true and false goods, they achieve the greatness that is not lost; from this their deeds and virtues flow.
Does an unforeseen misfortune happen, under the auspices of his virtue, the Gnostic still does not abandon his mode of action, because in the good scientific property, inherent to him, he has a solid treasure, inseparable from it; this treasure is the knowledge of things divine and human. Then the abstinence of this kind of people, abstaining from the things of the flesh out of the desire to keep behind themselves the spiritual blessings once acquired, and therefore it is firm, that their knowledge can never turn into ignorance; their good can never become evil. That is why our Gnostic eats, drinks, marries, not because of himself and not in the form of fulfilling the main goal of his life through marriage, but out of necessity. I say the wise man is getting married. Yes, if it is the Logos who commands him and if this is consistent with his duties.
The perfect man has an example for himself in the person of the Apostles. And in general it must be said that a person's energy declares itself not in solitude and not in a lonely life. What heroic courage can be compared to that courage who is married, having children, caring for the family, being the master of both pleasure and grief that falls to his lot, by the strength of his love for God, however, remains in an indissoluble union with Him? How many difficulties he has to overcome while doing this; how often should he arm himself against the temptations presented to him in the form of children, wife, servants, property. As a result of this, the familyless one is already free from many temptations.
So a person who is busy with his material economy, although he is inferior in the matter of his salvation to a person who is free from these worries, but surpasses him in that in his worries about the implementation of true teachings in real life, he is a semblance, albeit weak, of Providence.
FATHER ALEXANDER YELCHANINOV (1881-1934)
FROM "RECORDS"
There is a monastic life and a married life. The third state - a virgin in the world - is extremely dangerous, full of temptations and not everyone can do. In addition, such people pose a great danger to those around them: the radiance and beauty of their virginity, when their immediate religious significance is not clear, is an attractive mating plumage that attracts and arouses sensuality.
Marriage is a makeover
Marriage is revelation and mystery. We see in him a complete transformation of a human being, an expansion of his personality, a new vision, a new perception of life, and through this rebirth into a new world in true fullness.
The individualism of our time creates particular difficulties in marriage. And to overcome them, the conscious efforts of both parties are required to make marriage a true "walk in the presence of God" (only the Church is able to truly and completely resolve these problems). And yet, it would seem that the simplest, but in fact the most difficult thing is the firm determination to give everyone his place in marriage: the wife humbly takes second place, the husband - to lift the burden and responsibility to be the head of the family. If such determination and desire are found, God will always help on this difficult and martyrdom ("Holy Martyr ..." - while walking around the lectern) - but at the same time on the blessed path.
Marriage, carnal love is the greatest sacrament and mystery, since something most real and at the same time the most mysterious of all possible forms of human communication is realized through it. Qualitatively, marriage gives us the opportunity to rise above the normal rules of human relationships and enter the realm of the miraculous and superhuman.
In carnal love, in addition to its one inherent value, God has given this world a part of His omnipotence: a person creates a person, a new soul enters the world.
Fullness of life
A person can enter the structure of this world only through his family.
Neither a man, let alone a woman, has any power over each other in marriage. Violence against the will of another, even if done in the name of love, kills love itself. And then the question arises: is it necessary to submit to such violence, since it contains a danger for the most dear one? Countless unhappy marriages are observed precisely because each party considers itself the owner of the one it loves. Hence, almost all the difficulties in marriage. But his greatest wisdom is hidden in giving complete freedom to the one you love: our earthly marriage is a semblance of a heavenly marriage (Christ with the Church), and there it is complete freedom.
It is said about a woman - “a weak vessel”. This "weakness" lies mainly in the subordination of women to the elements of nature - in herself and outside of her. Because of this, there is weak self-control, irresponsibility, passion, blindness in judgment. Almost no woman is free from this, she is a slave of her passions, her antipathies, her “wants”. Only in Christianity can a woman become equal to a man, subordinating her temperament to a higher principle, acquiring prudence, patience, correct judgment and wisdom, because in these conditions her true friendship with her husband is possible.
How sad and incomplete is the existence of a girl and what a fullness of existence a woman has. No love story can replace marriage. In a love story, people appear in splendor, in their prime, but it is not themselves, but their ghostly, embellished reality, where the life of each of the two is certainly a pose, at least forgivable and innocent.
Only marriage can bestow on a person the full knowledge of another person - it is a miracle to feel, touch, see another person as unique and unique as the knowledge of God. For this reason, we can say that before marriage, a person seems to glide over life, observing it from the outside, and only in marriage does he plunge into life itself, entering it through another person. This enjoyment of true knowledge and true life gives rise to that feeling of complete completeness and contentment that makes us richer and wiser.
Children
But this completeness acquires even greater depth in the fact that two, willing and united people, give rise to the third - their child.
This is where unforeseen difficulties appear: instead of an all-embracing completeness, mutual misunderstanding, protests and the almost inevitable separation of the child from us are revealed. The two cannot become the perfect trinity. Why is it so arranged? What is this, inevitable failure? And can we do something on our part to prevent this? The one to whom we have given life is a part of ourselves - our flesh and blood and soul. In a child, we recognize our own habits and inclinations - where, then, does this all-destructive contradiction arise?
I think that a kind married couple will give birth to a kind child who will continue their further development according to the laws of perfection. But if the spouses have some kind of unresolved conflict as a contradiction, the child will be the offspring of this contradiction and will continue it. If the spouses, being in antagonism, reconcile only externally and do not follow the path of conquering new heights, this will undoubtedly affect their child.
Another explanation: in a child, along with the soul and body received from us, there is also something new, different, individual and essential - the only and unique personality with its own path in life.
And therefore, when raising, the most important thing for children is to see their parents living a tense inner life.
Family problems
Philosophy of family quarrels: most often they are the result of the wife's reproaches to her husband, maybe deserved ones (pride). But they must be listened to at least in order to discover the root cause of these quarrels, which often stem from the wife's passionate desire to see her husband better than he really is, as well as from her idealistic attitude. In such cases, the wife begins to shame her husband, and he, in turn, reproaches her. A married man is especially prone to leaning on empirical evidence. The wife tries to reject her husband from this, she expects more from him.
In this sense, family quarrels, oddly enough, are proof of what marriage already gives (and not just what is expected in the future): in that new human being, into which the two have merged, the wife plays the role of conscience.
That is why quarrels between close people are even useful - because in the fire of quarrels all the rubbish of insults and misunderstandings that have sometimes accumulated over a long time are burned up. And after mutual explanation and confession comes a feeling of complete clarity and calmness - everything is clarified, nothing bothers you. Then it is the abilities of the soul that are released and, entering into communication with each other, they agree to amazing things, complete unanimity, like-mindedness is achieved.
Love is a holiday
In marriage, the festive joy of the first day should last a lifetime; every day should be a holiday, every day a husband and wife should be new and unusual for each other. The only way for this is the deepening of the spiritual life of everyone, constant work on oneself.
Marital love is such a treasure, and it is so terrible to lose it — and sometimes it disappears over trifles. We should direct all our thoughts and efforts to preserve and consolidate this love (not forgetting its divine nature). Everything else will come naturally.
Lesson plan for marriage
Thesis: Marriage is an institution blessed by God: Cana of Galilee, be fruitful and multiply (Gen. 9, 1), the sacrament of marriage is a marriage ceremony. Everything is for the good.
Antithesis: It is good for you to remain as I am (1 Cor. 7, 8); one hundred forty-four thousand virgins who were redeemed from the earth and were not defiled with their wives (Rev. 14: 3-4); eunuchs, who made themselves eunuchs for the Kingdom of Heaven (Matthew 19, 12); lack of saints glorified for family virtues.
Synthesis: All this was done for our benefit, for all of us, infected with sin, including those who are married: Adam and Eve were created before the fall; Song of Songs; gospel symbolism: "wedding feast", the bride and groom - Christ and the Church, this mystery is great (Eph. 5:32).
Appendix 3. Canon Law, Liturgical Practice
CANON LAW
Orthodox canon law is based on a collection of ancient texts reflecting the discipline and practice of the first millennium of Christian history, namely:
The Rules of the Seven Ecumenical Councils;
Rules issued on the basis of decrees of local councils, which later acquired universal significance;
Patristic rules, that is, advice and instructions given by the Church Fathers and adopted by councils.
The Sixth Ecumenical Council (Canon 2) adopted and confirmed a collection of 85 Apostolic Canons reflecting the customs of the IV century Church of Antioch.
These rules form the basis of all modern laws and decisions of local authorities, Orthodox patriarchates, autocephalous churches. In countries where Orthodoxy was or is the state religion, the state adopted these canons as a guide for the development of its legislation.
Even the first acquaintance with the canonical texts shows that they are not a system, not a code, but rather randomly combined rules that appear in connection with various problems of Christian life. Some canons reflect situations that have no analogues in the modern world. Others relate to eternal values and therefore remain the main criterion in our life. The Church, and especially the bishops, is responsible for the correct interpretation and application of the canons, in connection with the emerging modern problems.
The Church - the "pillar and foundation" of truth - proclaims and defends the eternal and unchanging truth, why she must always remain consistent in her judgments. But as we live in a changing world, the ways in which truth is expressed and defended inevitably change. Some canonical texts lose their meaning over time, and then the Church has the right to apply other and better methods of protecting the truth or social values contained in the canons. For example, everyone will agree that the 54th rule of the Sixth Ecumenical Council, which prohibits the marriage of two brothers to two sisters, has now lost its relevance as reflecting the social ideas of another era and does not contain any enduring idea of a divine or human nature. Modernization and correction of outdated canons are on the agenda of the upcoming Council of the Orthodox Church.
At the same time, the Church is obliged to explain the canons in a modern language. But in doing so, she should not forget about the basic elements of the Christian faith: modern language should not only be a means of translation; it must express the foundations on which the canons and their unshakable authority stand, since many canons were published precisely with the aim of expressing the Christian faith.
The Orthodox Church is especially strict in applying the ancient rules to members of the clergy - to those who are called to preach the Gospel not only by word, but also by example of their own life. In relation to the laity, she often applies the principle of "economy", condescending to the conditions of human life and taking into account specific situations.
Below is a collection of canonical texts that illustrate the Church's position on marriage.
Marriage is honest
If anyone condemns marriage ... let it be under oath (Council of Gangres, rule 1).
If someone deviates or abstains, retiring from marriage, as one that abhorred it, and not for the sake of kindness and the sanctity of virginity, let him be under oath (the same Council, rule 9).
If any of the virgins for the sake of the Lord will be exalted over those who marry, let him be under an oath (the same Council, rule 10).
If any wife leaves her husband and wants to leave, disdaining marriage, let it be under an oath (the same Council, rule 14).
Obligatory Union of Faith
An Orthodox man should not unite with a heretical woman, nor an Orthodox woman with a heretic man. But if someone admits something like that, done by someone, the marriage is considered unsteady, and an illegal cohabitation is dissolved ... But if some, being still in disbelief and not being numbered among the Orthodox herd, were united in a legal marriage, then one of them, choosing the good, resorted to the light of truth, and the other remained in the chains of error ... and if, moreover, an unfaithful wife desires to cohabit with a faithful husband, or, on the contrary, an unfaithful husband with a faithful wife, then let them not be parted, according to the divine Apostle: For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by a believing wife, and an unbelieving wife is sanctified by a believing husband (1 Cor. 7:14) (Sixth Ecumenical Council, rule 72).
Weaning the Second Married
We have laid down the same rule about three-weds and polygamists as about second-weds, in proportion. Secondly married people are excommunicated for a year, and others for two, while those who are triangular are excommunicated for three, and often for four years, and they call this union not marriage, but polygamy, or even more punished by fornication ... but to deign them to listen to the Scriptures for two or three years, and then allow them to stand (together with the catechumens), but restrain them from communion of the holy things, and so, showing some fruit of repentance, restore them to the place of communion (St. Basil the Great rule 4).
The second marriage is not crowned in the Church, and those who have been married are not allowed to the Most Pure Mysteries for two years; in the case of a third marriage, a five-year excommunication from Communion (Saint Nicephorus the Confessor, Patriarch of Constantinople rule 2).
We proclaim, by common opinion and decision, starting from 920, that no one dares to enter into a fourth marriage and that everyone who desires such cohabitation should be excommunicated from church services and he would not be allowed to enter the holy temple until he leaves the named cohabitation ... Likewise, condescending to human weakness ... we issue the following decree regarding third marriages:
If a man has reached forty years of age and wants to enter into a third marriage, let him be allowed to, but he will have to abstain from the sacrament until the age of fifty, and even then he will not come to communion, except for the day of the saving Resurrection of Christ our God (Easter day) ... We issue this rule for those who have no children from previous marriages, but if they have children, a third marriage after the age of forty is not permissible;
If a man is 30 years old and has children from previous marriages and he wants to enter into a third marriage, let him abstain from communion until he is forty, and then he will be worthy of the sacraments only three times during the year: the first time on the Day of the glorious Resurrection of Christ our God; the second - on the Assumption of the Most Pure Lady of our Mother of God and the third - on the Nativity of Christ our God. If he had no children and, since it is commendable to want to have children, the third marriage will be forgiven in accordance with the rules of penance just established (Council of Constantinople 920, also known as the "Volume of Unity"; abbreviated translation).
Repentance for marriage after divorce
A wife who has left her husband, if she marries another, is an adulterer ... If it is provided that she left her husband without a reason, then he is worthy of leniency, and she is penance. Condescension will be shown to him in that he will be in communion with the Church. But the one who leaves a wife with whom he was legally married, and who marries another, according to the word of the Lord (Luke 16:18), is guilty of the judgment of adultery. It was established by the rules of our Father, such a year to be in the category of those who weep, for two years among those who listen to the reading of the Scriptures, for three years in those who fall, and in the seventh to stand with the faithful, and thus become worthy of communion if they repent with tears (Sixth Ecumenical Council, rule 87 ).
The marriage of the clergy
If anyone thinks about a presbyter who has entered into marriage that the offerings should not be received when he celebrated the Liturgy, let him be under oath (Gangres Council, rule 4).
Since we learned that in the Roman Church, in the form of a rule, it is ordained that those who are to be ordained deacons or presbyters should be obliged not to communicate with their wives any longer, then we, following the ancient rule of apostolic order and order, deign to the cohabitation of priests according to the law remained intact in the future, by no means breaking their union with their wives and not depriving them of their mutual union at a decent time. So, if someone turns out to be worthy of being ordained a subdeacon, or a deacon, or a presbyter, this should by no means be an obstacle to elevation to such a degree of cohabitation with a lawful spouse ... marriage. For the voice of the Gospel cries out: What God has united, let not man part (Matthew 19: 6; Mark 10: 9). And the Apostle teaches: Marriage be honorable in all, and the bed undefiled (Heb. 13: 4); See also: Are you connected to your wife? do not seek divorce (1 Cor. 7:27) (Sixth Ecumenical Council, rule 13).
Prohibition of the second marriage of priests
Those who owed two marriages by holy baptism, or had a concubine, cannot be a bishop, or a presbyter, or a deacon, or even even in the list of a sacred rite (Apostolic Canon 17).
Anyone who married a widow, or an outcast from matrimony, or a harlot, or a slave, or an actress, cannot be a bishop, or a presbyter, or a deacon, or even even in the list of the priestly order (Apostolic Canon 18).
Prohibition of marriage after ordination
We command that of those who have entered the clergy as celibates, those who wish to marry are only readers and singers (Apostolic Canon 26).
An elder, if he marries, may he be deposed from his rank ... (Neocaesarean Council, rule 1).
Since it is announced in the Apostolic Canons that only readers and singers of those who are promoted to the clergy can marry, then, observing this, we determine: henceforth, neither the subdeacon, nor the deacon, nor the presbyter have permission, after ordination over them, enter into marriage. cohabitation; if he dares to do so, let him be cast down. But if one of those entering the clergy delights to marry with a wife, according to the law of marriage, he must do this before ordination to the subdeacon, or to the deacon, or to the presbyter (Sixth Ecumenical Council, rule 6).
Celibacy of bishops
The wife of those who are promoted to episcopal dignity, having previously separated from her husband, by common consent, upon his ordination to the bishop, may enter a monastery, created far from the habitation of this bishop, and may receive support from the bishop. If she is worthy, may she be elevated to the dignity of a deaconess (Sixth Ecumenical Council, rule 48).
Blessing the Church
The attitude to the adoption of children in ancient times was rather indifferent, and they did not see any violation in the fact that it was performed without prayers and a sacramental act. Unable to prescribe any strict formality regarding marriage, they allowed cases when it was left without agreement. But even if an explanation is found for the state of affairs in antiquity, there is still no excuse for the fact that we, who, by the grace of God, reached a higher and holier level of social life, neglected one of these two institutions.
Therefore, we have a prescription that the adoption of children should be performed with holy prayers (novella 24). We now also command that marriages should be confirmed by a sacred blessing and, if spouses are contemptuous of this, their cohabitation at all times will not be considered a marriage and they will not enjoy the legal rights of marriage. For there is either celibacy or marriage. Do you want to get married? Obey the laws of marriage. Don't you like marriage? Then accept celibacy, but not adultery or feigned celibacy.
(Novella 89 of Emperor Leo VI (886-912), published between the third and fourth marriages of the emperor.)
LITURGICAL PRACTICE
SAINT SIMEON OF THESALON
ABOUT MARRIAGE AND PARTICIPATION
Saint Simeon, Archbishop of Thessalonite, is the author of the famous commentary on various services and sacraments of the Church that were performed in his time. Describing the wedding ceremony, he reports that the priest reads prayers together with the Lord's Prayer. Saint Simeon says: Following this, the priest touches the Holy Chalice of the Presanctified Gifts and proclaims: "The Presanctified Holy One." And when everyone sings: "One is Holy, one is Lord," because He is one sanctification and peace, and the union of the combination of His servants, the priest introduces the newlyweds, if they are worthy. They must be prepared in order to be both worthily married and honestly enter into marriage: because the end of every sacred rite and the sealing of every divine sacrament is Holy Communion. And the Church is doing beautifully, that she prepares Divine Gifts for the propitiation and blessing of those who are combined, as if He Himself, the Giver and Jehovah, was present at the marriage, for their peaceful unity and like-mindedness. Therefore, those entering into marriage must be worthy of communion, and, as children of God, must be combined in the holy temple - the house of God, as if before the face of God: since the Priest himself is present in the Gifts, and is offered and is an intermediary between us. Then "the priest teaches them from the common Chalice, while they sing:" I will receive the Chalice of salvation. " This is done for the sake of the Most Holy Gifts and as a sign of unity in good thinking about God and because their good thinking will come from peace and like-mindedness. Those unworthy of communion, like, for example, bigamies and the like, are not given Divine Gifts, but only the common Chalice - partly for consecration, good communion and unity in the blessing of God. "
10. Wed Echologion of the 10th century, found in the library of the Sinai Monastery; text by A. A. Dmitrovsky "Description of Liturgical Manuscripts." Kiev, 1901. S. 31. This is the practice of Greek churches. And in our time, they sing the sacrament verse at the time of the wedding.
11. A. Katansky. To the story of marriage law. - "Christian reading", St. Petersburg, 1880. S. 112, 116.
12. The opposite opinion is expressed by S. V. Troitsky in his wonderful book "The Christian Philosophy of Marriage", it seems, in need of a more strict theological or canonical substantiation.
13. Servise book of the Holy Ortodox-Catholic apostolic lharep, crip. J. F. Hepgood, rev. ed. Brooklyn, N. Y. 1956. P. 305.
14. On the (very negative) Orthodox view of "intercommunion" among divided Christians, see St. Vladimir "s Seminary Quartery, vol. 12, 1968, Nos, 3-4.
15. Note that the text regarding “uncleanness” divorce is based only on the Gospel of Matthew. In the words of Christ himself, there is no prohibition of divorce, as the Evangelists Mark and Luke say about it.
16. See especially the 22nd short story of Justinian.
17. Slavery and "ostentatious deeds" give rise to suspicion of frivolity about morals.
18. Not available in the Russian edition (note trans.).
19. In the ancient world, a life of adultery was considered inevitable for slaves and actors.
20. We have discussed the historical reasons that explain why the Church of the 6th and 7th centuries forbade marriage to men preparing for the episcopal ministry. This rule, which at first glance seems to contradict the principle of the indissolubility of marriage, was previously clearly and correctly understood by everyone, but now it is applied very rarely. At present, they prefer to elect to the episcopal ministry persons from among the monastics or widows of white priests.
How does the Church view late marriages?
Archpriest Vladimir Volgin:
The Church does not prohibit people from getting married at a mature age. It only partially regulates late marriages: according to the decision of the Holy Synods of the Russian Orthodox Church, marriage is allowed up to 80 years. This is already a lot.
At all times, the Church treated the second or third marriage with condescension and allowed it, because it is better for a person not to be alone. Alone, he can become mentally untied, unchaste. The church goes to leniency in order to protect a person from the sin of fornication, or rather, adultery in relation to the first marriage. After all, if we judge strictly, the Lord Jesus Christ said: whoever marries a divorced (or divorced) woman commits adultery (Matthew 5:32). This, perhaps, will be the answer to the question: in what "status" are divorced people?
A late marriage is very different from an early one, because both spouses, as a rule, have a lot of life experience behind them and, unfortunately, not always positive. Divorce is almost always the inevitable precursor to late marriage. Let us clarify in what cases the Church permits it. The first is a different denomination; the second is the mental insanity of one of the spouses; the third is the physiological inability to bear children. But even while allowing divorce for these reasons, the Church does not approve of it. Because the highest spiritual bar for a Christian is the bearing of the cross, which he took upon himself upon marriage, until the end of his days, regardless of life circumstances. But, realizing the weakness of human nature, the Church allows divorce for these reasons, and even allows the so-called “injured” party to enter into a second and third marriage. I will allow myself to recall some of the sayings of the holy fathers, which very clearly show the attitude of the Church towards second and third marriages. Here is what St. Gregory the Theologian says: "The first marriage is called law, the second - indulgence, the third - lawlessness." Saint Metropolitan Photius expresses in a similar way: "The first marriage is law, the second marriage is forgiveness, and the third marriage is a crime." You see how strict the Church was about the third marriage.
Hieromonk Macarius (Markish):
A faithful image of late marriage is given in the Gospel parable of the workers in the vineyard (see Matthew 20: 1-16). Yes, there is a great advantage to early marriage, and those who see their calling in family life should not postpone marriage. But even those who enter the field of salvation of their souls and come at the third, sixth, ninth and even the eleventh hour, the Lord does not deprive them of a reward, and this reward can be no less than that of the first - if, of course, they work conscientiously!
Are there any differences in the rank of the second wedding?
Archpriest Vladimir Volgin:
The rite of the second wedding is filled with prayers of repentance. The third order does not exist, the second and third weddings are identical. The first order is crowned with people who have led a chaste premarital life and are getting married for the first time. This wedding ceremony is filled with the blessing of God, it is light. I don’t want to say that the rite of the second wedding was not bright, because God is always Light! But that solemnity, that virginity in the Sacrament of the Second Marriage is not there. For some time, the Church even doubted whether to wear crowns on second-weds, but nevertheless came to the conviction that this should be done. Because the crowns are a symbol of power and future childbearing, a sign of power over children, a sign of power in their small micro-kingdom, which is called a family.
Hieromonk Macarius (Markish):
The Trebnik contains a special "Succession for the Second Married": along with all the main elements of betrothal and marriage - exchange of rings, wedding, reading of the Apostle and the Gospel, a common cup of wine - it contains special prayers and petitions of repentance. The priest, depending on the age of the spouses, can slightly shorten the petitions of the litanies and the words of the prayers, removing the mention of childbirth.
You need to know that you can get married no more than three times. The Church does not bless the fourth marriage (and subsequent ones). Therefore, those spouses who have entered into marriage for the fourth (or more) time, it is necessary to bring repentance for the sins and delusions of the past and build a married life, clean from sins and free from delusions, humbly limiting ourselves to a civil marriage.
I would also like to draw your attention to the following point: there is no such thing as “debunking” in the Church and cannot be. The church does not destroy a marriage, it does the spouses (or one of them), and civil divorce bears witness to this regrettable fact. For permission for a second marriage, they apply to the diocesan administration at their place of residence (which is sometimes quite unsuccessfully called a "request for debunking"). However, in different dioceses this happens in slightly different ways: such a request can be submitted either before the conclusion of a civil marriage, or after it, before a church marriage. This order is determined by the ruling bishop.
How does the Church feel about so-called “unequal marriages”?
Archpriest Vladimir Volgin:
We know from history many married couples who have lived in an honest and godly marriage for many years, although it was considered "unequal." For example, the wonderful writer Sergei Nilus. He married a woman who retained her chastity until the age of 52. She never married, was the maid of honor of the three imperial houses. For some reason, Nilus divorced his first wife and at 42 he married a second time, respectively, his wife was 10 years older than him. And they happily married for the rest of their lives.
But in 1918, the Local Council of the Russian Orthodox Church, which elected Saint Tikhon (Belavin) as patriarch, established an age limit for marriage - the age difference between husband and wife should be no more than 5 years. Since then, unequal marriages have become the exception to the rule. And when couples with a big age difference (a girl and an elderly person) come to us for a blessing for marriage, we take a pause. We observe them, the development of their relationship, we reflect on the reasons for this love. But more often than not, we do not recommend getting married to these people, because he may turn out to be unhappy. Imagine a young girl getting married to a man who is 20-30 years older than her. Naturally, according to the law of nature (although, of course, this is in the Providence of God), the physiology of the older spouse changes earlier, this can be painful for the young side. She, in turn, will have to take care of an elderly sick person - this is a very heavy cross. I remember how Father John (Krestyankin) blessed me and my mother for marriage. “You must understand,” he said, “that, suppose, today you get married, and tomorrow one of you falls ill with a serious illness and becomes bedridden for an unknown period, possibly until your death. And a healthy spouse has no right to leave a sick spouse. In this case, there will be no completeness of marriage, and there comes a persistent stay at the patient's bed. This is a heavy cross! " Then I was shocked by this depth of understanding of Christian marriage. The lamps of the Church say: "They do not descend from the cross, they take them down from the cross." That is, a person whose marriage ends in a drama must carry this cross with honor to the end!
Does the fact that spouses, due to their age, cannot have children, diminish the significance of marriage?
Archpriest Vladimir Volgin:
Of course, it does not detract from it. Of course, marriage in youth presupposes the birth of children, since love for each other results in the sacrament of conception. But, although the commandment was given to Adam and Eve: be fruitful and multiply (Gen. 1:28), childbearing is not the main thing in marriage. And the main thing is that the husband and wife become one organism, one flesh. The main thing is love for each other. After all, when people fall in love with each other, they do not think about children, or about wealth, or about poverty, they do not think about anything. Lovers see their wealth in coexistence with each other and only want this. Unlike the Catholic Church, where a pragmatic approach is formed to the issue of marriage, and childbearing is its main goal, in the Orthodox Church a family is created not only for the sake of children, but for the sake of being with a loved one forever, forever. And this coexistence should be linked by the bonds of the Sacrament of the Wedding and registration with the state authorities.
Hieromonk Macarius (Markish):
Of course, spouses who, due to their age or state of health, cannot have children, lose a lot ... But the Lord is merciful and philanthropic, and always, every good desire and intention gives the opportunity to come true. What prevents such spouses, who have a supply of love and energy, from adopting two or three children? Remember the wise proverb: "Not the mother who gave birth, but the one who raised."
Where children come from - you do not need to explain: from love. The same power of love can lead to the appearance in your house of those who in another family, for some reason, did not have enough love ...
Is it obligatory to get married for those who have lived a long life in a registered marriage?
Archpriest Vladimir Volgin:
Yes, definitely! It is great that you asked this question. The widespread opinion that it is not necessary for elderly couples to get married is criminally mistaken, and it was born from unbelief. Believers are always in a hurry to sanctify their marriage in the Church.
Some people call a marriage that is registered with the government, but not sanctified by the Church, fornication. This is not entirely true, because this is not illegal cohabitation, in which neither side is responsible either to each other or to the state. But civil marriage can be called fornication in relation to God. We must definitely ask God for a blessing for marriage through the Sacrament of Wedding. This is necessary in order to live a spiritual life together, so that the Lord helps us to go through the serious and difficult field of family life.
It's never too late to get married if people have consciously come to faith. There was such a priest, a man of a righteous life, a great prayer book - Father Nikolai Golubtsov. One day he came to a family where an elderly husband was dying. And father Nikolai hastened to marry the spouses before his death so that the husband would not answer at the Last Judgment for the sin of not marrying his wife. Therefore, the Russian proverb is right: "Better late than never"!
By the way, there is the opposite extreme: some people ask to marry them, but they do not want to sign at the registry office. To this I give the following answer: “Previously, the Church combined two institutions in itself: the registry office institute, which entered the names and surnames of those who were to be married in the birth registers, and the Church institute, which consecrated marriage with the Sacrament of the Wedding. Now these institutions are divided, so future spouses need to formalize their marriage at the registry office and then consecrate it in the Church. "
Hieromonk Macarius (Markish):
According to its "Foundations of the Social Concept", the Russian Orthodox Church respects civil marriage, and at the same time insists on the need for church marriage. But often an obstacle to church marriage is the lack of Christian enlightenment and faith in the spouses (or one of them). There are priests who refuse the Sacrament of Wedding to those who wish to get married at the behest of fashion, because of superstition or at the insistence of relatives ... A wedding is also a conscious responsible oath before God in fidelity for life.
However, if a husband and wife sincerely and consciously profess the Orthodox faith, they must get married, no matter how many years they have lived together.
How should children feel about their parents' late marriage?
Archpriest Vladimir Volgin:
A child is always very difficult to experience separation from his father or mother. Therefore, children often resist the idea of one of the parents entering into a second marriage. And this is natural, because divorce is always a drama. But children must honor their parents, this is what the fifth commandment teaches us, and they have no right to dictate to their parents. But parents must also take into account the opinion of their children. After all, the Apostle Paul said: Honor thy father and mother; then follows an appeal to the parents: and you, fathers, do not irritate your children, but bring them up in the teaching and admonition of the Lord (Eph. 6, 2, 4). If parents love their children, they will always listen to their opinion, to the state of their soul. Indeed, very often the mouth of a child speaks the truth.
Hieromonk Macarius (Markish):
Like everyone else: with joy, care and hope for the restoration of the previously lost marital happiness ...
What difficulties, in your opinion, await those who create families after 40 years?
Archpriest Vladimir Volgin:
There is a saying "rot a tree while it is young" ... People after forty years are already established personalities, with clear ideas about life, they have already formed characters and views. For 70 years, the atheistic state has distorted people's perception of marriage, professing equality between husband and wife. And there can be no equality! The husband is the head of the wife, and “let the wife listen to her husband,” says the Sacrament of the Wedding. All Scripture speaks about this. Today, people who create families, and even more so in adulthood, as a rule, do not share these views. Now is the age of emancipation and, accordingly, the feminization of men. Nowadays it is very difficult for a man to find "levers of control" for his wife. You can limit your wife's means, but she will start earning her own bread on her own. You can shout and swear, but it is destructive for the soul. If a man, trying to regain authority in the family, raises his hand to a woman, then he will finally lose his dignity. It is known that if a priest hits his wife, he is deposed. If a husband declares a boycott to his wife, he will punish himself, because he will deprive himself of communication with a loved one. The only way to build right family relationships is through building the Church. I recommend that married couples have one spiritual father and treat him with deep trust. Only in the Church, with the help of an experienced confessor, is it possible to properly build or straighten shaken family relationships.
Hieromonk Macarius (Markish):
The Old Testament prophets call a person clay in the hands of a potter: as long as the clay is not burnt, it is easy to give it the required shape. This is one of the most important advantages of early marriage: young spouses are easier to rub against each other, learn family life, which should be built on the basic law - to please not oneself, but one's neighbor (cf. Rom. 15: 1-2). In the opposite, respectively, the lack of late marriage ...
In addition, late marriage also has a deep personal problem - the gravitation of past sins. They, like scars from painful wounds, healed, and sometimes unhealed, disfigure the human soul, prevent it from revealing itself in love, realizing itself in a marriage union, both in the intimate sphere and in other aspects of marriage.
However, as noted above, the Lord does not deprive even eleventh hour workers of equal reward. How does this happen? - Due to the indisputable advantages of mature age: reason, knowledge of life, practical and spiritual experience. Relying on these qualities, we are able to receive complete healing of the soul through effective repentance before the Lord and fill the temple of our family to the top with genuine happiness and joy. Whatever number of the year of birth appears in our passport: after all, the soul is intended for eternity.
"For one beaten, two unbeaten ones give" - this Suvorov proverb was often recalled by the Monk Ambrose of Optina. But does it apply to everyone who is "beaten"? Is it not just to whom the lesson of past battles went for the future?
Interviewed by Elena Volkova
Inserts:
For a woman, marriage is the service of the Most Holy Trinity - this is how great is the fate of a woman to be a wife and a mother.
"Happiness in marriage is given only to those who fulfill the commandments of God and treat marriage as a Sacrament of the Christian Church."
The Monk Nectarios of Optina
"Family hardships should be endured as a share voluntarily chosen by us. Rear thoughts are more harmful than useful here. It is salutary only to pray to God for oneself and for the family, so that the saint will do something useful for us according to the will of His saint."
Venerable Ambrose of Optina