The child has terrible dreams what to do. Is there a difference between a nightmare, a bad dream and night terrors. What causes nightmares
What are scary dreams?
Most often, nightmares are dreamed of by children of three to five years. Despite the fact that nightmares are a very unpleasant thing, in reality they are not at all dangerous. Moreover, such dreams help us cope with fears, make friends with our emotions, learn to control ourselves. Dreams never just happen. They are our helpers.
A kid who has a nightmare most often does not remember it in the morning. This means that the brain has completely “digested” the necessary information. But it also happens that the child woke up screaming at night and excitedly talks about the dream in the morning and does not forget about it. Then he needs the support and help of his parents to deal with his sleep. This can be in the form of a discussion, a story or a game. A small child must be taught to be calm about his own terrible fantasies.
Why do children have scary dreams?
Psychologists have long come to the conclusion that dreams help us "digest" the events that happened during the day (especially if it's something frightening). And during sleep, the baby, as it were, becomes a witness to the work of the very mechanisms that “sort out” what happened during the day.
What are terrible dreams?
1. "household" dreams. Events from real life are easily traced in them, albeit in a fabulous guise. For example, a father scolded his son for taking his tie. At night, the boy dreamed of the Serpent-Gorynych, who was chasing his brother Ivanushka, because he stepped on his tail. Such a dream helps the boy cope with resentment towards his father and feelings of guilt in front of him.
2. "deep" dreams. These dreams cannot be easily deciphered. They help children adapt to changes, to growing up, and psychological problems (resentment, unfair punishment). Sometimes "deep" dreams can indicate that the baby is getting sick. Our brain instantly begins to process with the help of dreams any changes that occur to the body.
Perinatal psychologists believe that sometimes nightmares heal a child from difficult experiences that he encountered during childbirth.
What should I do if my child is having nightmares?
1. Before talking about what happened during the day. If the baby is restless, try to find out what worries him, support him. It is good if the child falls asleep with a sense of security and safety. It is also important that if the baby is excitable, takes everything to heart, then, most likely, reading before going to bed will not do him any good. Look for something that will help your child sleep peacefully. Perhaps he should sing a song, light floating candles together, look at the constellations on the ceiling, take a soothing bath.
2. You can come up with a night “protector” - a plush toy or a flashlight. Then the baby will know that he has something that will protect him, and he will be less afraid.
3. If the baby screams in a dream, but does not wake up, do not wake up, but check if he can fall, get hurt. If you think it's safer this way, hold his hands. If he does not remember anything - do not raise this topic. In general, do not pay too much attention to dreams. Otherwise, for a child, it can become a way of manipulating adults.
4. If the child is awake, turn on the light to show him that everything in the room is the same as before. Listen carefully. If the baby asks to go to bed with the parents, sometimes you can allow it.
5. Don't be scared yourself! The unconscious of a child is a powerful well-oiled mechanism that can be trusted. If it offers a symbolic plot for sleep, then the baby is ready to solve this problem. Therefore, one must trust what one dreams, even if it is something frightening or incomprehensible. In any case, if a child wants to talk about his dream, keep the theme of sleep, develop it.
6. If in the morning the child talks about a dream, but does not remember how it ended, you can come up with an end.
7. It is necessary to express the feelings of the child very clearly, to say: “You were afraid.” You can compose a fairy tale together, in which there are the most terrible episodes from a dream. It is best to play this fairy tale for real, “bodily” playing all the roles, and not just tell. When the baby acts as the author of a fairy tale, he takes control of fear and learns to cope with it. At the end of the tale, it is important to emphasize that the kid (the main character), having gone through all the adventures, remained safe and sound. This is especially important to emphasize if the dream is not “everyday”, but “deep”.
8. If it seems to you that the dream is “everyday”, you can safely offer the baby to redo and change the dream, make it safer. In this case, it symbolizes his ability to overcome difficult real-life situations. But the same suggestion can be harmful if the dream is "deep".
Nightmares in children - how to forget?
It is believed that in order to forget a dream you didn’t like as quickly as possible (and also so that a bad dream does not come true), you need to look out, open the window and say - where the night is, there the dream is.
Does your child often have nightmares, does he sleep badly, constantly wakes up at night with fear, calls you to his place? Where do kids get bad dreams? What can you do to help overcome your fears?
The baby receives a lot of impressions in a day, both positive and negative. The fragile children's psyche transforms the anxieties and worries experienced during the day into dreams. When there are too many negative emotions or experiences, they develop into.
Childhood fears
According to psychologists, parents are most often to blame for the fact that children's fears develop into nightmares or phobias. And by the way, one of the worst childhood fears is the fear of separation from mother. Watch if you tell your child "You are naughty, I'm leaving you!"? This is a taboo phrase! If a child up to a year is unconsciously afraid of being left without a mother (it is at this age that babies refuse to go to the arms of unfamiliar aunts, they immediately begin to sob), then after 2 years this is already a conscious fear. If you do not help the child get rid of him, then he will not only have nightmares and move to your bed at night, but he may also grow into a person with a fear of loneliness, a fear of being left without a partner.
It is important for you not to ignore the problem and not follow the alarmist’s lead, but to help the child cope with fears, instill in the baby the confidence that the mother loves and protects even at a distance, a separation is followed by a meeting, and a dark night is followed by a new day!
Often, suspicious parents raise emotionally sensitive children. Moms and dads overprotect them (including using intimidation), and kids ... are even more afraid. Psychologists are unanimous: there is no need to “train” children by leaving them in a dark room. Better come up with a game in which darkness is an ally. For example, searching for treasure with a flashlight.
In general, the most important thing is to fight not with darkness, but with what really worries the baby. Psychologists have noticed that children who sleep with their parents have no fear of the dark. Most likely, your baby just wants to be with you all the time. Perhaps you went to work too early and in the first two or three years of life he stayed with the nanny for a long time? .. So that the child is not afraid of losing you, “feed” him with love when you are together. Play hide and seek (this is a good prevention of fear of loss). Never leave home without warning a child, even a small one.
Nightmares often speak of problems in relationships with parents. A child who is eaten by someone at night is criticized all the time during the day, they want to “remake”.
For the baby, who is under stress due to sharp shouts and pressure, someone is chasing at night. Analyze your communication style with your child, add active games during the day, calm conversations in the evening. The complete absence of fears in a preschooler is also abnormal. But if your son has more than 9 phobias at the age of 3, and your daughter has more than 7, then you need to go to a psychologist.
Where is the bad dream
- bright events of the day, both positive and negative, overexciting the nervous system;
- strong fright: it can be like a dog in the yard, or an unpredictable or too harsh reaction of mom or dad to an offense, threats to give it to an orphanage or hospital, any everyday situation may not be a trifle for a baby;
- unfavorable situation at home: frequent quarrels, loud screams, intimidation, punishment, assault, as well as lack of contact with parents, substitution of live communication and outdoor activities with gadgets, conflicts in the garden or school;
- feeling unwell: overeating at night, an abundance of sweets, stuffiness in the bedroom;
- cartoons and fairy tales, the plot of which is frightening (with scary characters).
What to do?
Algorithm for moms and dads
- If the baby came to you at night, return with him to his room, ask what exactly he was afraid of, why he was crying.
- Explain to the child that
he was frightened by a terrible dream and, opening his eyes, he drove it away! Now you need to turn to another barrel and try to fall asleep again. - Be gentle and calm. Kiss the baby, wish him good night and warn him that you are going to return to your room to go to bed. Leave a burning nightlight and an ajar door in the nursery.
- If the baby calls you again, be sure to come to him as soon as possible and console him again. Never leave a child unanswered to his call for help! In the morning, you can come up with a happy ending to a nightmarish story and laugh at it.
Nightmares, no need to ignore this problem. Firstly, it is worth finding out the cause of this phenomenon and, secondly, making every effort to correct the current situation and eliminate it with the right actions.
Possible causes of a problem such as nightmares in a child
To understand the reasons for what is happening, you need to observe the behavior of the baby and talk with the child himself. Perhaps it turns out that the problem lies on the surface. For example, a bedtime story could emphasize the negative aspects of a character or focus on a frightening episode. Maybe your baby heard something unpleasant and disturbing in the conversation of adults or in kindergarten, school. Perhaps it was just a conflict situation with a friend or problems in the family that led to a terrible dream.
Doctors note several more serious reasons for children's nightmares: overeating at night or exercising before bed. After this, the body often becomes overexcited, and when falling asleep, the child cannot completely relax, he continues to be active, which leads to such unpleasant consequences as disturbing sleep or nightmares. But sometimes the reason can be much more serious than the above. So, unconscious fear, born inadvertently by a frightening word, look, gesture, can haunt the baby. Or, in this way, a hidden disease makes itself felt.
Steps to take to eliminate nightmares in a child
To restore a child's normal sleep, first of all, you need a good daily routine that will allow the baby to take food in advance or not to exceed physical activity during the day. In addition, parents should be more attentive to the information that they convey to their child. She should not frighten and disturb him. Thus, you can save the nerves of the little one and provide him with a sound and sweet sleep.
Of course, if the cause of childhood nightmares is something that cannot be solved or corrected on your own, a visit to a specialist will certainly help in this matter. The doctor will choose one of the most appropriate treatment methods, and will also teach parents to be more attentive to the needs of their children. But sometimes simple measures are more effective than anything else. Do not forget about the opportunity to hug the child, caress him and tell him about your love.
Content:
Night terrors are non-physiological sleep disorders. This is the release of experiences associated with meaningless events or situations. Usually, nightmares last for minutes, sometimes seconds. Regardless of the duration, their action extends far beyond the dream, affecting daily life. A person of any age can become a victim of nightmares. But most often, restless images interfere with children's sleep.
A child who often has nightmares becomes more nervous in the evening, afraid to be alone and sleep with the lights off. Waking up from a nightmare, he can't sleep. Feelings of constant anxiety and lack of sleep - all this can result in serious problems with mental and physical health.
Why do children have scary dreams?
Night terrors can be caused by physiological factors such as mental illness, disorders of the brain or nervous system. Common causes of restless sleep are worms and fever.But it happens that the child is physically healthy, but terrible dreams still do not recede. In this case, it is worth paying attention to family relationships. Indeed, often the parents themselves create conditions favorable for the appearance of terrible dreams.
Situations that provoke the appearance of nightmares:
How to help your child get rid of nightmares?
- Children have a hard time with nightmares. They cannot get the frightening images out of their heads on their own. Therefore, in no case should you leave the child alone with his anxieties. It is necessary to ask him to tell what he had a dream about, and why this dream scared him so much, to try to find the cause of a terrible dream (a movie watched the day before, a domestic quarrel, disagreement with peers).
- Often nighttime images linger in childhood memories for a long time. In such cases, the child is faced with the fear of going to bed every night. The task of parents in this case is to make the process of falling asleep as comfortable and calm as possible. Shortly before sleep, it is advisable to turn off the TV and computer, dim the lights and start talking quieter and calmer.
- You can sit next to the child while he falls asleep, tell a fairy tale in which scary situations and characters in the end turn out to be not so scary. Psychologists often use the technique to make their fears funny, and therefore not scary. You can adopt a method from their arsenal - drawing fear. To do this, you need to invite the child to draw what scares him, and then draw features that will make the image funny and harmless.
Even the youngest children can have nightmares. What is the reason for night fears and how to respond to them, we asked the child and family psychologist Evgenia Poltenko.
The reasons may be:
If the mother is anxious and worried, then she can project her fears to the child. When he sleeps, these fears come out;
Too tough quarrels and showdowns between parents. It is possible to swear in front of children, but it is important to show that after a quarrel, reconciliation follows and the family is not destroyed;
Tensions between parents. Even if the parents do not outwardly sort things out, but silently throw lightning at each other and accumulate resentment, the child will definitely feel the tense situation in the family. At the same time, they do not tell him what is happening, and he is very worried and worried, which can result in night terror;
Lack of emotional contact with parents. If parents are cold with the child and among themselves, are not used to showing their feelings, do not know how to give love, this can also result in night terror. Indeed, without emotional contact with parents, the child does not feel safe;
Control and overprotection by parents. If the child is not allowed to do anything, is constantly kept within certain limits, the child in this case is constantly in suspense, afraid of not pleasing his parents, and this can turn into terrible dreams;
Inconsistency or . For example, if mom once allowed something, another time not. Or mom is strict, and dad is kind. A child in such a family does not know how to behave and which of the parents to adapt to, this again gives rise to tension and anxiety in the child;
Increased demands are made on the child, he owes too much and is inappropriate for his age.
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What should parents do?
If a child had a terrible dream - it doesn't matter once or with repetition -
be sure to talk to him about it. Ask what exactly he dreamed about, why, as he thinks, he dreamed about it. Perhaps if the baby sees that you paid attention to his fears and supported him, the dream will not happen again.
The child may need more time to forget his bad dream and stop being afraid to fall asleep. In this case, it will be better if you follow certain rituals before falling asleep. Sit next to the baby, leave the nightlight on, tell a story in which the frightening moments of sleep become not scary.
If nightmares are repeated systematically, it is necessary to look for the cause and be sure to solve it - on your own or with a psychologist. It is important to create an even atmosphere for the child in the family, without conflicts.
With night fears, active games, walks in the fresh air, and a pool help. Psychologists have a technique for relieving anxiety - drawing your fear. In this case, you need to make your fear funny in the picture. If the anxiety does not go away the first time, you need to draw until the terrible really becomes funny.
Often, parents, in response to the child’s complaints that he had a terrible dream, are limited to phrases like: “Never mind!”, Or even scold and send him to sleep. Then the child understands that close people will not help in this situation, and stops telling them, and this alienates the parent from the child. Nightmare at the same time can gain a foothold and remain for many years. A provocative situation will remind you of fear and even in adulthood will cause anxiety.
Tatyana Koryakina
We thank Evgenia Poltenko, child and family psychologist (vashpsyholog.com), for her help in preparing the material.