Experts have determined with whom people of different professions marry. View full version

27.05.2019

"Three times a young doctor - my future husband, saved me from death, while ... sincerely laughed at my grief to tears!"

This is how the letter of the Pskov woman Elena ANDREEVA, nee Kuznetsova, began.

- I read in your "Courier" about a girl who married a "plumber" (No. 36 of September 2, 2008). You know, I got married in the same way, but ... to a doctor.

And it was like this. 10 years ago, Lenochka lived with her parents outside the train station on Mashinistov Street (the Pskovites still call the bad place "Swamp"). No decent person has ever set foot there, almost in the literal sense of the word. Lenochka's gentlemen refused to accompany the girl home, barely knowing where the beauty lived. Therefore, at 25, Lena did not meet with anyone. Buses do not go to the Swamp, and taxi drivers refuse to go there. And to wait for an ambulance to the swamp is one chance in a thousand. Therefore, the locals there practically do not get sick. Everyone except Lena.

Here's a scar!

Poor Lena Kuznetsova, who had sat up in girls, was completely desperate to get out of this hole and someday get married. Because of this, Lenochka's nerves were completely shattered. At night, she often cried into her pillow, frightening and upsetting mom and dad with her tantrums. In general, she brought herself to ... a heart attack.

“That day my friends and I were relaxing in a bar,” says our interlocutor. - And, as usual, the man who danced with me all evening, having learned about the Swamp, went over to my friend, and the taxi driver

took me only to the station. While getting to our back streets in the dark, some teenagers beat and took away their mobile phone. And when I finally dragged myself home with a cry, something stabbed my left side in my chest so that I could neither breathe nor ... on the contrary!

Lena was lying on the couch and was afraid to move. The left hand was numb. Mom and Dad fussed with carvalol-validol, and then they could not stand the torment of their daughter and called an ambulance. "Heart attack!" - Father blurted out into the phone, answering the questions of the attendant. The doctors arrived surprisingly quickly. A young doctor, of a very pleasant appearance (while saying goodbye to life, Lenochka still managed to notice an athletic torso and eyelashes - no longer) delicately sat down on the edge of the sofa. Helen, widening her eyes from animal fear, complained of her heart, but for some reason the doctor smiled more and more. And after the family announced the death sentence - "Heart attack!" - well, he just laughed to the point of obscene frankness. After that, the doctor asked Lena to turn her back to him, massaged his neck for about five minutes, then pressed hard on some points, and immediately it became easier - the hand moved, breathing evened out, the “heart” stopped pricking.

- And how old are you? - continuing to smile, the doctor turned to Lenochka.

- 25, but what? - Lena was perplexed.

- Yes, the fact that heart attacks in women occur only in the post-climatic period. I hope you haven't had a climax yet? the doctor laughed again. This time all the Kuznetsovs joined him ... It was just "intercostal neuralgia." At the round table, the doctor left a referral to a neurologist and for a therapeutic massage.

Deja vu

Two weeks passed. It's spring outside, May. Skirts - in short, heels - higher, eh, a tan more! There is no money for a solarium. Lena borrowed a special device with a quartz lamp from a friend. As a friend explained, this thing is used purely for medical purposes - to warm up the nose, the ear is sore, but you can also sunbathe. But to warn that during the session it is necessary to close your eyes, the friend, of course, forgot.

By the evening Lenochka literally had sparks from her eyes - unbearable pain, burning sensation, hellish pain, I couldn't open my eyes, tears from under tightly closed eyelids were pouring like a river.

Parents call an ambulance again. And somehow painfully familiar sounds in the hallway "hello". Soft steps, someone gently sits down on the edge of the sofa. Poor Lena does not see a thing, stretches her neck out of tension and hears the familiar ... laughter.

- It is you?! And I thought I was going to the welder. This is their occupational disease - "bunnies" are picked up, and then they die - without a doubt, this was the same doctor.

- Doctor, will I go blind? - Lena sobbed.

Necessarily! - assured the doctor and deftly dripped some burning liquid into both her eyes, from which Lenochka howled in a bad voice. - Take another day or two, and everything will pass like a bad dream. And if it's not a secret, where did you burn your eyes like that?

Lena's father silently brought the device to the doctor and explained: "I was sunbathing." Even behind the closed door, Lenochka heard her savior laughing at the entrance.

The last straw in the reaction

A year has passed. Lena met her 26th spring in the bath, washed up to her elbows and with peroxide on her head - she decided to repaint, since blondes are more lucky in their personal lives. But Lena did not go according to plan, but as usual. She was so carried away by bleaching and rinsing that she completely forgot about her hair that was completely hydrated. When Lenochka accidentally noticed her reflection in the mirror with her head wrapped in a towel, about three hours passed. Throwing the pots, she rushed to wash off the composition. Horror! The composition leaked into the tube along with clumps of hair. The hair fell off, Helen screamed what was urine. The parents were forced to call an ambulance.

- What do you think? The same doctor came, and I, as usual - well, a fool! Elena laughs. - Beluga roar. He's laughing. He washed my hair with laundry soap under cold water. I wrapped the rest of my hair around my hand and tugged at it. I yell: “What are you! They will fall off! " “Nothing,” he says, “I'll buy you a wig. They will grow back. The roots are strong. "

So I became Andreeva.

P.S. In order to avoid new excesses associated with the threat to the life of Elena Kuznetsova, the young doctor Yevgeny Andreev decided to issue patronage over his constant patient, that is, to take her as a wife. Away from sin and from the "Swamp" - Lena and Zhenya now have their own home in Zapskovye. Only our heroes completely refused to be photographed.

The medical specialty is a vocation. The work of a doctor is hard and often stressful. We all know this very well, but we do not always remember that being married to a doctor or being married to him is an equally difficult and responsible task.

Psychologists argue that not every person can easily endure the difficulties that inevitably arise in a joint life with a doctor: what they just do not have to face!

Elena, 27 years old(married to a vascular surgeon): “I am insanely jealous of my husband. I know that many patients literally throw themselves on his neck. And my husband laughs, explains this with simple gratitude for the treatment, but such gratitude, especially from young and beautiful patients, greatly embarrasses me ...

And although my husband tells me everything, it doesn't make it easier for me, probably even harder. And as soon as he stayed a little longer at work, I was seized by a terrible suspicion - what if some cute patient again got caught? "

However, jealousy is just one of the problems that can arise in a doctor-non-doctor couple. But besides her, there are others. Spending most of the day at work, we are deprived of the opportunity to communicate with each other the way we would like ...

Vladimir, 35 years old(married to a cardiologist): “My wife is a sympathetic and gentle person. On the one hand, this is wonderful: all patients are simply delighted with her, and relations with colleagues in the department are excellent.

But at home we are constantly fighting. The problem is that she cannot refuse anyone. Either he will take an additional rate, then one of the colleagues will ask her to help her out, to be on duty instead of him ...

In general, I hardly see my wife. For the second year she has not taken a real vacation: she takes a week off in October-November, and again to work. And, for example, we have not been able to get out at sea together for a year ... I also love my job very much. But I’m not a workaholic, and I don’t understand why my wife has to work for the whole hospital! ”

To be honest: even when we come home, we sometimes continue to think about our patients. And it is clear that this does not in the best way affect the atmosphere in the family ...

Olga, 20 years old:“My mother worked in the hospital for a long time. Not only did she constantly disappear on night shifts, but she was also very worried about each patient. Sometimes, if someone could not be saved, then for several days there was simply no face on it. Mom was replaying this situation in her head over and over again, wondering if this was her fault.

In general, it almost reached nervous breakdowns. And she just couldn't stop thinking, switch. In the end, Mom left the hospital. Now she teaches at a medical college, and my dad and I were able to breathe a sigh of relief. And my mother feels much better ”.

These problems are just some of those that have to be faced by those who have decided to connect their lives with a doctor. And we are not talking about those cases when both spouses work in the medical field.

But everything has another, downside ...

Irina, 25 years old:“My husband is a pediatrician and his specialty is a constant source of my joy. When the child was born, he spent all his free time with him, so there was no need to worry about our Yegor: he is in good hands. And all my friends with children always consult with my husband on what and how best to do. So my husband enjoys well-deserved popularity, because he is not only a wonderful person, but also a highly qualified specialist! "

Many doctors enter into light romances with each other, because there is no time left for family life.

And this is not only in our country, but also with foreign doctors. Recently, the British journal Lancet published a study by Brendan Kelly, who analyzed novels in medicine and concluded that 70% of them developed in intensive care units. Doctors in intensive care are those people who practically live at work. These were doctors who had difficulties in the past in their personal lives and who did not mind entering into an easy romance at work, meeting for a while, then breaking up. And, as it turned out, after 10 years the number of such novels even increased.

Each profession has its pluses and minuses, but it depends on us whether they will positively or negatively affect our life.

Try to always remember how hard it is sometimes for our spouses who are far from medicine to wait for us at home after their own, probably difficult, working day, and hear about that strange and not always clear what is happening at our work; it’s hard to sigh when we see another paycheck, and it’s in vain to try to understand why we are worried about such trifles as a discharge not made on time or dissatisfied patients ...

Therefore, when you come home today, go to your wife or husband, kiss and say: “How wonderful that I have you!”.

Based on media materials

20.03.2009, 14:27

Good day)
I am not a doctor, moreover, until recently I was very far from medicine - well, apart from the user aspect.
And now I am marrying a wonderful, witty, sensitive, caring man who is a doctor. For my family, my environment, this is very exotic)
Of course, a woman is able to understand herself what the chosen one needs, and next to us there are living people, not professions. But a doctor is still a very specific mindset, it seems to me.
How do you live with doctors? What do you want to see in your halves, what do they expect from you? Do you think there are any differences from other families? I understand that all people are special, there will be a lot of particulars)
I am interested in even the smallest details. I just really want to make him happy, well, plus I'm used to not neglecting the advice of smart experienced people))
I hope I was able to show that my interest is serious)))))) There are a lot of jokes on the topic on the net. Read)))

20.03.2009, 14:43

It seems that the physician's body does not differ significantly from the human.

20.03.2009, 15:16

Well, yes, that's about the kind of answers I expected))

20.03.2009, 15:33

20.03.2009, 15:54

It is at the follow-up level (low evidence), but male doctors
- must feed on especially tasty food
- excessively need tenderness, affection and tolerance,
- should be surrounded by an especially thick layer of love and care,
- they can not object when they think about medicine, but they always think about it.

In general, the husband is a doctor, he is like a child - to pamper, pamper and pamper.

20.03.2009, 16:09

20.03.2009, 16:12

)
Valery Valerievich, I will probably follow these recommendations in the most thorough way. Despite the "low level of evidence", I think they can and should be trusted)

EVR: How interesting. I will give it, I do not mind)

20.03.2009, 16:16

I'm serious, I'm serious too. Some medical specialties involve sudden calls to work (just when you are planning a joint trip to the theater, to your mom, for a walk, etc.) Learn to take this with regret, but without annoyance, realizing that this is part of the job.

20.03.2009, 16:17

Consider him an ordinary person, love and respect him as an ordinary person. Because love for a doctor is not enough to create a family. Some exotic - "my husband is a doctor" may eventually run out for you, so you need a Person, a man
Undoubtedly. Plus, I myself work in a field about which there are more rumors and guesses than real information. Therefore, I often come across the attitude towards myself not as a person, but as a representative of an interesting "exotic" profession. It is unpleasant.

20.03.2009, 16:19

20.03.2009, 16:23

Dr. Ira: As if they didn't call me like that ...

20.03.2009, 16:24

What is your husband's specialization? What kind of doctor does he work?
He is still my fiancé, not my husband, I do not like to get ahead of myself. He is an oncologist.

20.03.2009, 16:29

20.03.2009, 16:46

One more nuance. Try to protect him from the desire of his relatives to undergo treatment at any time of the day. In your family, this is the first doctor - the exotic will quickly be replaced by sad irony on the topic "where a doctor appears, patients appear."
The doctor comes home to rest, he has enough work and at work above the roof.
Thanks. It's understandable about home and rest, but I myself would not have calculated the prospects of a sharp influx of patients from among my close and not very relatives))

20.03.2009, 16:48

If you want to make him happy - bring him here on PMC. I'm serious.
Did you have any happiness before PMC?

20.03.2009, 16:50

Thanks. It's understandable about home and rest, but I myself would not have calculated the prospects of a sharp influx of patients from among my close and not very relatives))
Apparently, you do not quite understand what "oncologist" means ...

20.03.2009, 16:58

Yes, it does not depend on the specialty. It is enough that "well, you're a doctor." And the psychiatrist runs to stop the hypercrisis ...

20.03.2009, 16:58

Apparently, you do not quite understand what "oncologist" means ...
But where can I?

Natalia P.

20.03.2009, 16:59

20.03.2009, 17:08

It happens, and veterinarians are consulted :) So the oncologist will definitely not be left without related consultations.

20.03.2009, 17:15

20.03.2009, 17:26

20.03.2009, 17:28

20.03.2009, 17:30

And yet (to flood, so to flood) - on the eve of marriage it is not a bad idea to attend linguistic training courses - well, read aloud with an expression, while serving a plate of borsch with a smile, “Darling, was there monohysteocytic perivascular infiltration on today's transextracranial cereobrotomy? Did you use polyethylene glycol monoalkyl phenyl ethers? "
Doctor, you are lovely))
And I’m digging up a casserole recipe ... a waste of time)

20.03.2009, 17:35

No no! The casserole is good too!

20.03.2009, 17:37

20.03.2009, 17:39

Actually, when I defended my dissertation - also with an unpronounceable title - he honestly tried to understand. So I even feel a little obligated in this regard.
So, casserole is a casserole, but I'll deal with the terminology))

20.03.2009, 17:44

It would be very useful for a long and happy family life to try very hard to make the husband feel that apart from work there is family life, and this life is actually the main one. Prohibitive measures here will only cause a negative reaction; positively emotionally colored actions are needed to distract from work. It is very difficult to do this, but it is also impossible to let him go to work entirely, there is a lot of negativity, even more so from the oncologist.
I actually consider this serious moment to be the main one. I am sometimes scared for him. I understand and see that he is coping, but I am glad that I am not mistaken and you also note this. I try to keep his house just a house, really.

20.03.2009, 17:59

20.03.2009, 18:47

Natalia P.

20.03.2009, 18:48

Exactly! And then one continuous harassment and excesses.

20.03.2009, 18:52

Home is the main thing, I'm sure. When there is a home, then the doctor at work copes well with the negativity and tries not to bring it home, which makes not only loved ones, but he himself, in the end, better. Happiness to both of you and healthy, smart and affectionate children.
Thank you) You are a very wise person)

20.03.2009, 18:59

So-so. I want a theme about "my bride is a doctor; how to groom and cherish" :)
Right, right)) I knew very well from the very beginning that there are so many women doctors on the forum, and I was surprised when everyone started talking about men. This is just my particular example. I asked about family life with a doctor in general - after all, it was obvious, in my opinion))))

20.03.2009, 19:52

Did you have any happiness before PMC?

Much less. Obviously - doctor - PMC forum - professional development - patients - money - wife - joy - happiness

20.03.2009, 20:00

By the way, a very significant nuance))

Do you know what kind of groom for daughters American mothers dream of? That's right, about a neurosurgeon. At worst, about a plastic surgeon. In general, any "civilian" doctor is a prestigious groom (or a bride, no difference). And it's not just about money - high social status matters.

If our status is at the very least, then the financial well-being of doctors is a complete mess - often the presence of a commercial streak and cunning affect a person's material success more than high qualifications and a good attitude towards patients. However, this applies to all spheres of activity, not only medicine ...

Spouses in "white coats"

Most Russian doctors marry "their own" and have children while still studying at the institute and residency (specialization after institute). Among students and colleagues there are many active girls with a practical earthly concept of life, there is no time to look outside - and why, when there are enough of our own?

Common negative stereotypes about doctors: 1 - they are cynical; 2 - they are prone to "hikes to the left".

Now their refutation.

There are no more cynics among doctors than among representatives of other specialties. The thing is that a good doctor is characterized by non-judgmental attention - a long-term habit in difficult conditions to listen and accept any information, sometimes shocking by ordinary standards, and the need to act make a person a philosopher. Many, unfortunately, take this for cynicism.

As for the freedom of relations ... Everything is individual here, but in general, the number of office romances among doctors is absolutely the same as among non-doctors. It's just that working around the clock in difficult conditions brings communication to another level - everyone knows who is who, there are no secrets left, it is no longer possible to lie about yourself and "create a performance".

So if you are not a doctor, but you still managed to have an affair with a doctor, you will have to understand and accept these features of the "medical" worldview.

By the way, doctors of different specialties differ from each other.

psychiatrists

Medical secrets

Male therapist- a rare bird. Usually he is spoiled by work in a female team and tired of the constant complaints of elderly patients. A good therapist is a person of great erudition (which he usually does not flaunt), has a heightened intuition necessary for the mystery of diagnosis. In personal communication, it is difficult for him to manipulate (only if he deliberately allows you to do it), but he himself rarely manipulates people. However, sometimes he pretends to be soft and docile, but he is not - a docile therapist will not last long at work.

Male pediatrician and male gynecologist- they can be immediately distinguished from doctors of other specialties by their insinuating intonations in their voice and soft manner of communication. These are men who know how to establish a constructive dialogue with children, female patients and their exalted mothers, no matter ... It is unlikely that you will come across a single pediatrician or gynecologist - they are all snapped up while studying at the pediatric faculty of girls and in gynecological residency. And if you still find your happiness, take it easy on the increased female attention to his person. Nothing personal, it's just part of the job.

Surgery- the field of medicine is too extensive, so it is not easy to identify the common features of men in this specialty. Perhaps, it is worth noting their laconicism, flexibility of thinking combined with the ability to quickly make decisions in conflicting situations. With erudition and temperament, the situation is different: in the work of a surgeon, wide erudition sometimes interferes, and the type of nervous system is different for everyone.

In everyday life, such men do not have the time and energy for "mental subtleties": in comparison with daily surgical worries, all kinds of games and whims seem ridiculous to them. There is a great chance in response to the female catchphrase: "Honey, we need to talk!"

Neurosurgery- in the USA it is one of the highest paid medical specialties, in Russia it is one of the most severe in terms of physical and mental stress. As for the material side - alas. You don't wish your enemy a neurosurgeon husband. Only a real Russian woman can survive with him, who will stop the galloping horse, and will provide the family budget, and will raise the children herself, and will give a Thai massage to her tired spouse.

The very concept of “ plastic surgery»In Russia has a different meaning than abroad. There it is an official fundamental specialty, the science of closing any defect in any area of the body and reconstructing lost organs, in which there is a small section - aesthetic (or cosmetic) surgery. It is she who is commonly called "plastic" in our everyday life.

In Russia, the number of "plastic surgeons" includes both experienced world-class specialists who are able to recreate anything from nothing, and lively young businessmen who successfully operate a couple of simple procedures. Who you run into - only God knows. But we can say for sure: with such a husband, you don't have to worry about your appearance.

Based on my own experience of communicating with doctors, I can say that the most adequate surgeons are traumatologists and orthopedists... For the most part, these are cheerful, physically hardy people, with a clear system of values, due to the manufacturability of their work, they are good at carpentry and locksmith's tools. Their motto is: "a nail into a bone, and a beer would be."

In personal relationships, they, like all other surgeons, are decisive and stubborn and do not perceive "heaps of conflicting feelings." Any attempt to "play" with them is wasted work. They won't understand. If you have to refuse them, do it quickly and decisively, otherwise it won't work. And do not try to "be friends" in return.

For those who need complex, multi-layered and intricate relationships, a direct road to men- psychiatrists... Alas, if not mental, then the psychological state after work in this area changes for everyone, and if we consider that individuals with certain character traits are drawn to psychiatry ... Love or flirting with a psychiatrist is certainly interesting, as a valuable life experience, but keep in mind - the object of manipulation, most likely, will be you yourself. Do you want to talk about it? ..

Anesthesiologist-resuscitator- the constant proximity to critical conditions and death either hardens or makes such a man the greatest philosopher among doctors. Fortunately, there are still more philosophers among doctors of this specialty than outright cynics.

Pathologist and forensic expert- people are extremely interesting, but gloomy: either enthusiastic or phlegmatic. If someone suits - go for it.

Finally, any generalizations should not be taken too seriously. After all, the most important thing in a relationship between a man and a woman is mutual feeling and the desire to be together. And then everything will work out with any specialist.

Maria Drozdova