How to understand that a lover is not indifferent. Do married men leave the family for their mistress: in what cases, how often? Video: Being the mistress of a married man
Love is the territory of only two, so there are no women in the world seeking serious relationships with married men.
In theory, everything is simple - a married person cannot be the "man of your dreams." He is simply not seen as a potential partner.
But real human relationships are far from ideal. We do not always find out in time that a man is married (you can be convinced of this by visiting almost any women's forum).
The absence of a wedding ring has a calming effect, and people rarely talk about an absent wife when we meet - after all, we get to know each other first of all as individuals, and not as possible spouses. And we are sincerely happy if interest and friendly relations turn into a romantic stage.
But it often turns out that your prince is already married. And the woman begins to wonder what to do and how to stop loving a married man.
Why is a relationship with a married man usually hopeless?
If, upon learning about the presence of a wife, you do not lose interest in him and decide to continue the relationship with this man (many do this because love is blind, strong emotions interfere with thinking rationally, and the question "why and why am I doing this?" , a love triangle will inevitably form, in which you are assigned the role of a mistress.
In some cases, the triangle quickly disintegrates, and the mistress acquires the status of a legal wife. But such cases are the exception rather than the rule.
What do dream books say about this?
Subconsciously, most women know this - it is not for nothing that the dream book, in which folk experience is concentrated, predicts that a married man dreams of trouble. This is not surprising - women usually have a negative perception of men who have mistresses.
The dream interpretation also portends the appearance of feelings of guilt and tension. If a woman is interested in the meaning of dreams and believes in omens, she can part with a married man in time. And if she is married, she will be able to pay attention to her marriage in time - the dream book interprets such a dream as dissatisfaction with marriage.
Although dream books are considered by many modern women to be an archaic relic, psychology and statistics in in this case I agree with them - Sigmund Freud used dreams for psychoanalysis, and even compiled his own dream book.
Statistics, however, claim that the emerging love triangles:
- They often become "chronic" because all of its participants are unable to part.
- Psychologically, all of its participants are traumatized, and the longer such a relationship lasts, the more severe the trauma.
A woman, deciding to have a relationship with a married man, usually does not take into account the psychological background of his behavior. Psychologists say that in most cases men with certain problems (complexes, etc.) give birth to mistresses.
Despite the popular opinion about male polygamy, male psychology does not allow, with a stable, warm and sensual relationship with his wife, to have an affair on the side. Why do even married men sometimes have mistresses?
Why do men need a mistress?
A lover in the life of a normal married man appears when problems arise in his family relationship. Husbands are not inclined to analyze the causes of these problems and eliminate them (an exception is the wife's lover).
In most cases, in family troubles, a married man either goes to work or seeks understanding on the side. And then you appear on his horizon - you are not married, you yourself show interest in him, do not condemn, do not ask "why?" and you understand everything as it should!
And the mutual understanding that has arisen between you (if there is no such in his family) is the reason why a love relationship arises, which a man may later regret. Very often in such cases, your lover begins to rush between you and his wife, to whom he is still attached.
Guilt begins to torment him. You can look for answers in dream books, guess, hope that he will go to you forever, you can endlessly long. And in the end, most likely, he will not be able to choose: with whom to maintain a relationship and with whom not.
A woman who has entered into a relationship with a married man always expects to stay in his life forever, not as a mistress, but as a legal wife. But many men are quite satisfied with the status of a lover.
A married man needs another woman if:
- The wife often makes scandals, demands something all the time, but he wants an easy relationship without any special responsibilities.
- Intimate life has become monotonous, but because of this I don't want to share property and children.
- Got married too early or by "flying", to his wife in this moment there are no special feelings, other women are of interest, but he is very attached to the child.
The spouse usually does not plan to leave the family, since the domestic side of the marriage suits him perfectly. Often, such men are interested in a bright and married woman, since she rarely wants to part with her husband.
What does a love triangle promise a mistress?
The woman still believes that the lover is really going to part with his wife and draws in her imagination rainbow pictures of a joint future.
Over time, she realizes that if she becomes the only one, it will not be soon, she begins to look for a forum with similar stories, look into a dream book or try to clarify the future by other methods. The dream book focuses on the external data of the dreamed man, the forum recommends parting, and various predictions are vague.
At the same time, she still likes the man and has no strength to part with him. The woman herself no longer understands why she and her chosen one need this relationship, but “I love him” outweighs all the arguments, and the dream book, which allows different interpretations, gives false hope.
Over time, interest gradually fades away and the relationship becomes painful. The question of what to do with these relationships, how to stop loving a married man and how to part with him, at a later stage in the existence of the triangle becomes especially acute.
The woman is worried why she herself allowed it and why she did not stop in time. In some cases, self-esteem falls, and the woman herself does not want to do anything to part with her lover.
Other men are not of interest, because in addition to a kind of dependence, a belief is formed that almost all men at least occasionally have mistresses. That is why, having fallen in love with a married man, it is better to immediately think about what to do in order to avoid the fate of a mistress.
If a married man piques your interest
Although the concept of "lover" comes from the word "love", society treats women with such a status extremely unfavorably, but "lover" is perceived more adequately. As a result, you are forced to:
- Endure the pangs of jealousy and at the same time carefully hide them- being married you can, as a last resort, break the dishes, but he already has these joys of life “there”. And here he is looking for peace, sympathy and complete understanding.
- Never call and count on him for nothing... If necessary, you can write sms, choosing neutral expressions, but no "love".
- Live in constant anticipation of his visit, i.e. regularly be on full alert and maintain his interest.
- Spend the holidays alone. Even if your lover celebrates an event surrounded by colleagues, it is uncomfortable for him to take you with him instead of his wife.
- Tolerate his lies.
- Put up with the fact that he has a child, therefore, apart from remorse, you are still waiting for "I can't today - my son has a workout, temperature, parenting meeting, etc."
At the same time, you also want to have children, but a child from a married man either remains completely without a dad, or his dad is coming, “Sunday”. Even if a woman thinks that she can tie her lover to her as a child, and he leaves the family, at best she will simply turn into a secret wife.
The forum on this issue is replete with sad stories about belief in what "loves" and about unfulfilled hopes, but it is even sadder when a child is involved in this difficult relationship. Therefore, if you decide to start a full-fledged family, with your beloved, but married, it is better to leave, and it is better if you do it yourself.
How to end a hopeless relationship with a married man?
Psychology claims that a person is not able to control love, but we are quite capable of preventing love from developing into a deep feeling. If you realize that you like a married man, try to study all the nuances of the situation.
The man who arouses your interest may well not live with his family (marriage exists only on paper). It is advisable to obtain information not from the man himself, but from disinterested persons (mutual friends, etc.).
If the marriage is formal, you can give free rein to your feelings, and not even look into the dream book.
If there were no signs of “breakdown” in the family before you appeared, and you do not want endless meetings with a lover who will never become a husband, you need to understand how to stop loving a married man and what you need to do for this.
Desirable:
- Take a timeout in communication. During this time, you can get to know a person who will be of interest to you and will not be married at the same time.
- Imagine that you are married to him and what you will do in this case... In the process of courtship, a person shows himself from his best side, but it is no coincidence that his family life is not ideal, because not only his wife is to blame for the current situation (often the mistress believes that only the wives themselves are to blame for the fact that men have mistresses).
- If your relationship has been going on for some time, you are most likely sure that he loves you, but while he lives with her (there will always be an explanation "why"). Your "love" does not allow to take a sober look at the situation, but this is simply necessary.
If a divorce did not happen in the first months of a new romance, according to statistics, it will never happen. In this case, it is the man who must decide who is more dear to him - his wife or his mistress.
If he really loves you, he will definitely decide to divorce. But for some reason he cannot make up his mind. So why waste your feelings and life on someone who doesn't deserve it?
Why me?
In addition, to understand how to forget a married man, it is important to analyze your past. Not every woman loves a married person and agrees to the role of a mistress.
Psychology claims that women with low self-esteem come across married men quite often. Therefore, first of all, you need to increase your self-esteem, throw away the dream book and fortune-telling cards, pay attention to yourself and surround yourself with new positive impressions.
Try looking at the forum on this topic - communicating with people in a similar situation will help you make the right decision and avoid men who have mistresses in the future.
Think if you can trust this man if he becomes your husband. After all, once he had already decided to have a mistress, and for some men, having mistresses is the norm.
Do not live with illusions - the sooner you are able to correctly assess the situation, the more chances you have to be happy. Without false hopes, interpretations of dream books, advice from friends and fortune tellers.
Both are to blame
Natalya Kozhina, AiF.ru: Elena, there is an opinion that women are less likely to cheat than men, is that so?
Elena Tsedova: Women’s infidelity is also common, it’s just not customary to talk about them. But a man gets a mistress primarily in order to get physical pleasure and variety, while a woman satisfies her emotional needs. This is the main difference. You are unlikely to meet a woman who, upon seeing a handsome male figure on the way to work, immediately decides to cheat on her spouse. But if a man saw long legs, and at the same time their owner also smiled at him, he would not mind going to bed with her. For women, everything is closely related to emotional needs, for them sex is, first of all, communication.
- What can push a woman into the arms of another man?
- There are several reasons, but the main one is the lack of emotional support from a man. Perhaps a woman lacks a sense of her own attractiveness, importance in the eyes of her husband. At the same time, she can really love him, family, children, home, but she needs affection, compliments, attention, and her husband does not give them.It so happens that a woman not only lacks emotions, she does not need a family. However, she remains married, because society puts pressure on her: marriage is once and for life, you have children. And the woman is trying to find some kind of outlet in this situation, because, in fact, she is not satisfied with everything. The only thing that can help her feel happy is the care of the other person. In their novels, such women do not chase enviable lovers on the side, but answer almost the first person they meet, who carries her away with talking about the stars and is scattered in compliments.
There are betrayals due to lack of adrenaline. When a woman's life is normal, but she is insanely bored. And suddenly some kind of corporate evening arises, where she drinks a glass of wine and immediately finds herself a hero, next to whom she can feel already forgotten feelings. The most important thing in such a betrayal is to hide from someone. This is a kind of quest - "Hide your love from everyone." The woman lacks play, and she finds her on the side.
In addition, it happens that a man simply does not suit a woman in sex, and here we are talking about both the most banal physical dissatisfaction and emotional, but more often both are present.
And some cheat out of spite. When a wife finds out that her husband has a mistress, she in such a strange way tries to take revenge on him or to prove to herself that men can still like them.
Good men are rarely left to the left. But by good I don't mean Batman, no. I mean a man who satisfies the emotional needs of his other half.
- It turns out that if a woman cheated, the man is guilty?
- No. Both are to blame for any treason. But men are inherently polygamous and, even being married, pay attention to the opposite sex many times more than women when thinking about sex. And a woman, when she finds a man whom she loves and with whom she is comfortable, plunges headlong into only him, letting the others pass by. For her, marriage is a kind of status, she values it. Good men are rarely left to the left. But by good I don't mean Batman, no. I mean a man who satisfies the emotional needs of his other half. If a woman is not satisfied physically, she is able to survive it, but if emotionally, then most likely, she will look for a relationship on the side. The excuse "I make money, and this is my main function that makes her happy" doesn't work. A woman can understand with her brain that her husband works, she lives in a luxurious house, she has an expensive car, children study in the best schools, but at the same time she will feel very lonely.Night SMS and eternal time trouble
- How to understand that a woman is cheating?
- A clear sign is the active use of the phone, computer, when she runs headlong at the sounds of SMS in order to read the message as soon as possible. Also, if a wife puts passwords on her gadgets, she begins to take her phone with her to the shower under the pretext of an important call, and at night she systematically receives SMS from “Galina the Accountant”, who cannot wait until morning. This is the first bell. The next sign is a cardinal change of clothes, a change of linen. If earlier the spouse wore what was convenient, then with the advent of a lover, she began to wear what was beautiful. She remembers heels, changes her hairstyle, makeup, becomes brighter. All this happens because when a woman falls in love, she wants to be beautiful.
I note that a man can easily combine several mistresses in his head at once and behave completely calmly. Neither in his clothes nor in his behavior will he betray himself.
And a woman's behavior completely changes, because she goes headlong into a new relationship. She can become either more irritable, or, conversely, as if atonement for her sins, more attentive, gentle, affectionate.
And one more point worth paying attention to is a kind of harbinger of the fact that a woman is not exactly cheating on you, but she is clearly uncomfortable next to you, and, perhaps, further this will result in an affair on the side. She begins to think of places for herself where to go, it can be not only constant gatherings with her friends, but also a tight schedule. For example, a woman lives, is not particularly fond of anything, but one day she has English courses, sewing and sewing, a gym, dancing, running, etc. She constantly wants to leave home. But, of course, this does not apply to those who really self-actualize with the help of some hobbies. Hobbies should be, but if they never existed, and then it became more and more, this is a sign that a person is bad in a family. Also, do not ignore the appearance of a large number of new girlfriends who invite to meetings. This may also indicate that your woman is in search of new emotions. And as they say - he who seeks will always find.
- Do I need to confess to treason to her husband?
- Everyone makes this decision for himself. But I can say for sure that it is more difficult for a woman to keep the fact of infidelity in herself, she begins to reproach herself from the inside, even if it was a one-time story. If a man has cheated once, he will not worry too much about this, he will very quickly forget about such an episode. Remorse can appear only if he has a constant mistress, since living in several families for most men is very difficult emotionally.Personally, my advice - do not shift from a sore head to a healthy one, forgive yourself, accept yourself and think carefully before confessing to your husband. The most important thing is to understand what is more important to you: your family or your personal reassurance. If you decide to opt for peace of mind, then be prepared for the consequences.
Few men will accept a confession of treason. For him, this is a humiliation of honor and dignity, so it is better to keep your mouth shut. Women forgive infidelity much easier.
Betrayal for the benefit?
- How should a man behave if he thinks that his wife is cheating, is it necessary to call a woman for frankness and confessions?
- First, honestly answer yourself the question: what will you do if your wife is really cheating? It is necessary to play in the head the entire possible chain of events. She changed, so I leave her, we share property, the children stay with his wife, etc. If a man is ready to reach the end, then you can find out everything and get to the bottom of the truth. If he understands that he loves his spouse and does not want to lose her, there is no need to find out anything. It's easier to accept the position that it was just flirting, and not love and live happily ever after.
- I have heard more than once that cheating can help a faded relationship, but what do you think about it?
- There is some truth in this, indeed, after the betrayal and even after some slight flirting, the woman seems to be electrocuted, she realizes that she has a family, children, a house, everything is fine. This is the same emotional recharge that she lacked so much. Yes, a woman needed beautiful words, courtship, affection, but the moment she receives all this from another man, she realizes that all this is a myth. But real life with her husband and children. However, feeling some guilt in herself, she can become affectionate, tender and begin to pay more attention to her husband. Accordingly, what does a woman get in return? Also more attention. Therefore, yes, indeed, it happens that cheating in a sense revives extinct marital feelings, but it is better to try to help your marriage using other methods.
A woman values a man for his actions; if actions are directed at her, she is unlikely to need a pumped-up trainer from a fitness club for one night.
- What do you advise men to do so that their wives do not seek love on the side?
- It is necessary to give a woman emotions, never forget that she needs compliments, attention, care. If you told your wife ten years ago that she has beautiful eyes, this does not mean that now you can never talk about it at all. Give gifts, by the word “gifts” I do not mean yachts and fur coats every day, just some small surprises. It is imperative to talk with each other, not only about the problems of the world economy and about the child's performance at school, but also about your personal, about each other's experiences, about each other's desires, to sort out discontent at the stage of their inception, and not when everything is already rushing in an avalanche accusations. Relationships are always an exchange of emotions, reciprocity. The man gave flowers, the woman prepared dinner for him, he - evening caresses, she gave him a massage, etc. A woman will not leave an attentive and caring person, because she gets everything she needs from him. A woman appreciates a man for his actions, if actions are directed at her, she is unlikely to need a pumped-up trainer from a fitness club for one night.
Almost all men cheat on their wives. But only not all of them leave the family. What if the husband declared that he loves her and wants to leave the family? Is it worth trying to keep him and save his family? If you decide to forgive your husband and stay with him, you need to determine what kind of woman is his mistress.
Why did this happen and what to do?
Perhaps this question will first arise in your head when your husband notifies you of his decision. The reasons that prompted him to enter into a relationship with another woman. But whatever prompted him to take such a step, he fell in love with her. Or thinks he's in love. That is why he told you about its existence.
But lovers are different. Not everyone is ready to accept your husband. So if you decide to fight for your man, then the action plan should be built depending on what your husband's mistress is.
She doesn't need him
Many men are mistaken that any woman who has an intimate relationship with them will be happy to live with him and take care of him. The times of Turgenev's young ladies, who were more afraid of being rejected and disgraced than death, are in the past.
Many women these days think rationally. They prevent feelings and emotions from gaining the upper hand. After all, a family or living together with someone is daily work and work on oneself. And you also need to adapt to each other, negotiate and look for compromises.
And she doesn't want that. Living alone is much easier and more convenient. And your physiological needs for sex are easy to fulfill. You do not need to have a stamp in your passport for this. So she has no idea about taking your husband away from the family.
It is convenient and safe to meet with your husband. Because a married man tends to have less casual sex. And this means that he will not reward her with some unpleasant venereal disease.
A married man is looked after by a legal spouse. She washes and ironing his clothes, feeds him and treats him if he is sick. That is, she gets all the hardships of living together. And for a mistress - only a pleasant pastime, easy communication.
How to identify her
She does not seek to inform you of her existence, does not call again and does not require your husband to spend the weekend with her. She does not go with him to public events, does not meet with his friends. Even if she became pregnant, then, firstly, she probably did it deliberately, and secondly, she will give birth to a child for herself, because she wants to become a mother, and not your husband's new wife. She probably doesn't even need alimony. There will be a long dash in the "Father" column on the baby's birth certificate.
He spends money on it, you will notice that your budget has become more modest. Otherwise, why does he need her? After all, her attitude towards him is exclusively consumerist.
How to deal with it
The best thing that can be in such a mistress is the absence of the need to take action. If the husband thinks that they have love and understanding there, then he is greatly mistaken.
Once you have decided to go to her, then do not hold back. Just wait. As soon as he appears on her doorstep with a suitcase, she will instantly unfold it back. Or not so fast, but they will not be able to live long.
And he will return home to you. Because you have comfort and tranquility. You need it. At a distance, such moments can be felt much better than when living together.
She dreams of a family
This type of mistress is the most unpleasant. You can describe them as follows: he just said "hello", and she mentally married his deputy and gave birth to three children. When such a woman enters the room, she seems to scan everyone present with her gaze in search of the ideal candidate. She is constantly on the lookout until she catches on to someone. And it doesn't matter to her whether her chosen one is married, because she is looking for love in the sense in which she understands.
This will tend to literally swallow your husband. She annoyingly calls, tries to spend all her free time, weekends with him. At some point, her obsession will start to annoy.
But if you and your husband have a disagreement in the relationship, then she will literally stick into him like a wedge. And he will try to do everything to win over your husband.
How to identify her
Such women can be recognized by the look of a "half-milked cow". She smiles coquettishly at all men, and disdains other women haughtily. If at a meeting you wanted to pick up a heavier frying pan and move it across the face so that an imprint remains, then you identified it.
She is not dangerous to you if your husband sees that she is breathing unevenly towards all men in general. If you pay attention to her behavior, then from a female cat with a fluffy tail she will turn in his eyes into a shabby gray mouse.
But if nature has endowed her with impressive secondary sex characteristics, then she will still attract attention. But, most likely, then more sadness will appear in her eyes. Indeed, for sure, her gullibility and desire to start a family have already been used more than once by men for their own selfish purposes.
How to deal with it
It is difficult to deal with such a special person. She is always sweet, good, in a great mood. And the worst thing is that it exalts your husband to heaven. And he is thrilled with happiness on the self-made Olympus.
So if he has not left yet, and you want to keep him, then you will have to start working on yourself. To become better, more attractive. It will take a lot of effort to become better than her.
But is it worth it? Together you spoil your husband. He will be flattered that for his sake 2 women are competing in an effort to stay with him. It is likely that your husband will relax in this situation and stop working on your relationship.
For a mistress, servile behavior in front of a man is normal. It is more important for her to get the coveted stamp in her passport, serve her husband and be an exemplary wife. Endure everything and endure everything. After all, being a woman, or rather, a wise woman, is not easy. But she is ready for anything to be correct.
With such a wife, a man will be comfortable and comfortable. After all, she will do everything impossible so that he does not leave her.
She fell in love with him
Above, we described two opposite types of mistresses: the first does not need a husband in principle, the other is ready to pick up the first person they meet. But most often there is an intermediate option. Such a woman does not seem to be making big plans for your husband, but somehow everything spun and started spinning by itself. And now she even fell in love with him herself.
She may be married herself, but her relationship in marriage weighs on her. And in a relationship with your husband, she finds something that will compensate for her discontent. Or she may not be married. It's just that marriage itself is not a goal for her.
The relationship with your husband is progressing on its own. But at first you won't guess anything. Then you will feel that there is less money in the family, and you see your husband less often. He himself seeks to spend time with her.
How to identify her
It will not work to identify such a mistress at first sight. She is unremarkable in this regard. He calmly communicates with both women and men.
The only thing that can be noticed is random gestures, ambiguous phrases. Maybe she is exchanging phrases with your husband, the meaning of which is clear only to both of them. And your husband's behavior changes when she is around.
How to deal with it
Fighting with such a mistress is difficult, but possible. To do this, you need to understand what your husband lacked in family life. Or, on the contrary, what was too much? Remember that everything is good in moderation. If you are a caring wife, then do not seek to stifle him with your concern. If you love to cook, then do not feed your husband as if to slaughter.
In this case, in a relationship with his mistress, he is looking for peace and freedom, the opportunity to breathe calmly without being afraid of you. So you just need to loosen your grip a little.
Once you find out about her existence, then try to calmly talk with your husband, frankly and calmly. What did he find there? Maybe if he loves you, then you will try to overcome this crisis together. Both of you will work on the relationship and on yourself.
Sparks between them
You have been married for several years. Love your husband with a calm, respectful love. You feel good and comfortable together. If there was passion in a relationship, then it has already cooled down, affection and mutual respect have replaced.
Your husband did not plan to cheat on you. But he met another, passion captured them headlong. He fell in love, lost his head.
Most likely, you have noticed before that people are different from your husband. But we decided not to look for passions for ourselves. He is a good person, you appreciate and respect him. What else do you need for a successful family life?
How to identify her
If you find yourself in the room where she and your husband will be, you will notice that air literally melts between them. As they approach each other, sparks are about to fly in all directions. They may not notice anyone around, the whole world has narrowed around them.
His usual movements, facial expressions, gestures, intonation change. You look at him and don't recognize. Or you find out, but sadly note that he was like that at the very beginning of your relationship, and now ...
If you have not seen her, then you feel a change in your husband. His mood changes. He becomes sad if he does not see her for a long time or does not communicate with her. He uses every opportunity to write or call her. And, of course, he hides it from you. Now he has more inhibitions for you. It is unlikely that he will voluntarily give you his phone.
Somehow you will find traces of her being in your shared car, her hair and the smell of perfume may remain on her husband's clothes.
Your intimate life will also change. The husband will avoid intimacy in every possible way, and at such moments it will seem that mentally he is not with you.
How to deal with it
It is useless to fight it, especially until the passions subside. Then it will be clear what their relationship will turn into. Maybe they will see that they do not fit together and disperse. Then the husband will return to you with a sense of guilt.
Or passion will turn into love. They are made for each other. You will have no choice but to retreat and, if possible, maintain a normal relationship with your husband. Start rebuilding your life without him. Unfortunately, and perhaps fortunately, your relationship is ending right now.
Don't take your marriage failure personally. After all, you did the right thing. Passion is not a reliable advisor in a relationship. You were guided by common sense. And he might never have met her.
Then you would peacefully and safely live to an old age together. But would you be happy or at some point would you suddenly realize with horror that you have lost so many years with a good, but non-native person? Better so.
Most of us made a promise to ourselves not to mess with married men. However, not everyone managed to keep this vow. When you meet that one man of your dreams, you completely forget about everything. He is cute, looks after beautifully, attentive, moreover, does not require momentary intimacy. Everything about him suits you, except that he is already married. By and large, very few women decide to say goodbye to such a man and break off any relationship. Some believe that one should fight for their love to the end, others decide to live only for today, to appreciate every moment spent with a loved one.
But this, as a rule, happens only at the very beginning. Sooner or later, a difficult time comes - a period of doubts and unpleasant thoughts. All the same, the realization comes that he is married, that you are only a mistress, and that your destiny is to share the man of your dreams with his wife. This is where terrible bouts of jealousy arise. After all, the right of the first call and the first night belongs to the lawful wife, not the mistress. He runs to her on her first call, spends weekends and holidays with her, but you can count on rare hours and minutes spent together. There can be no question of any joint vacation or even a night. All this belongs to HER. Gradually, but inevitably, the question pops up in your head, will he soon leave his wife? This thought does not allow to live in peace, it becomes an obsessive problem.
In this case, you can try to estimate your chances of success. One of the advantages for a lover is the age of a married lover. It is no secret that after about thirty-five or forty years, men go through a midlife crisis, when they want to drastically change their lifestyle, environment, woman, assert themselves, etc. If he is a mature man, and you shine with youth and beauty, there is a chance that you will be able to replay the situation in your favor. The chances will skyrocket if you, as a mistress, behave rationally and his wife behaves stupidly. For example, a worn-out, irritable, unkempt wife regularly “gnaws” at her husband for various domestic troubles. The mistress, in all arms, awaits the arrival of her beloved: a seductive outfit, skillfully made makeup, a prepared romantic dinner. In addition, she in every possible way pleases a lover who is tired of the constant attacks of his wife (erotic massage, sexual games, etc.). And most importantly, she never asks for anything in return and does not complain about anything. Neither loneliness, nor the absence of a legitimate husband and children, despite no longer young age, nor fatigue from such a relationship. Here, one can only guess how long a woman can pose as a cute girl without any problems.
According to statistics, if a man who has a woman on the side did not break off relations with his wife in the first year of "going left", most likely he will never do this again. Often, mistresses try to notify their wife of their existence in the first few months, hoping that she will expel the faithful from the house, or he will leave himself, unable to withstand her daily tantrums and scandals about this. Of course, if the wife turns out to be an intelligent woman, with a huge reserve of patience and restraint, then all the attempts and efforts of the rival will not lead to the realization of her ultimate goal. Nothing will come of it if the beloved really loves his wife and is attached to their common children (by the way, there are most of such men). For the sake of momentary passion, he will not want to part with what he has been building for so long (family relationships, the birth and upbringing of children). Such men can sometimes take a walk on the side for themselves, but the matter does not get further than this. But if in this case the man still goes to his mistress, just imagine what the price will be for such happiness.
Women strive to find a loved one, because we all need a strong male shoulder. Well, imagine if a married lover can be a person you can rely on in difficult times? Indeed, at this very minute he will most likely be next to his wife.
Usually, a mistress does not immediately find out that she is not the only woman in the life of her lover. Moreover, a man demonstrates freedom with all his appearance and behavior. He is an unimaginable romantic, acts like a free shooter and has a laid-back manner of communication. In the end, the woman will receive the recognition that he is married, only it will be said as about some insignificant defect in appearance, some annoying hindrance. The lover will mention the spouse as an inanimate object or as a distant relative. However, in this case, you should not flatter yourself about him. The wife in the life of any man takes her rightful place, although she may not be loved or tired of worse than a bitter radish. She can also be loved and not so much worn, just the man was initially too loving to be caught. It is not often, but it still happens that, despite a long and happy marriage with one woman, a man meets, as it seems to him, true love, his soul mate, and leaves to her. But such a case is rather an exception to the rule.
Very often, married men turn a woman on the side in the hope of finding sympathy and understanding in her face. The wife is either a bitch who only does what she demands and makes claims, or a colorless and ordinary person who cannot penetrate into the extraordinary nature of her husband, or she is a business woman, whose husband is in third place after work and fitness. His wife is like the North Pole with cold winds, frost and hard labor for him, and his mistress is the warm south, where it is cozy, warm and good, because she is amazing, sympathetic, attentive and extraordinary. With her, he feels different, confident, strong, with a pair of wings behind his back. He has something to tell her about, and she will always find the right words and make a lot of pleasant compliments to him.
For a married man, the less a mistress tries to swing a license, the surprisingly prettier she is. Besides, how can she insist on something? Indeed, in contrast to the bitch wife, she is such a sensitive and understanding nature. After all, he lives in such difficult and unbearable conditions, he has to bear such a heavy cross. If the wife is not a bitch, then she is a hopelessly sick and nervous woman, whom he, as a noble man, cannot leave. As an excuse for their own behavior, married men can tell their mistresses anything: about misunderstanding, and about the lack of spiritual intimacy, and about how much they need them. In fact, most of them cannot frankly admit to women that they need them only in order to diversify or brighten up their gray everyday life.
A woman in love with a married man - today it is not considered shameful, it is an absolutely personal matter of everyone who is allowed to go to bed. Society reacts absolutely normally to such relations. The main thing for a woman is what she loves, and let everything else burn with a blue flame. Love is such a delightful feeling, for the sake of which it is worth closing our eyes to the humiliating position in which she finds herself as the mistress of a married man. Regardless, this kind of relationship is a source of trauma. No matter how good it is with a married man, no matter how he praises her dignity, a woman still feels second-rate, because in the first place a man still has She is a wife, which confirms reality: spending evenings in constant anticipation of the arrival of a loved one or his call; he promised to meet his parents, but so far he is not rushing things; intended to carve out a week for a joint vacation at sea, but spent the whole vacation with his family; after each meeting he gets ready very quickly and leaves without spending an extra ten minutes saying goodbye. A series of seemingly insignificant, but tenacious humiliations sooner or later undermine and corrode her personality. Awareness of one's own secondary importance and inferiority is deeply ingrained into consciousness.
For most women, a lover is, first of all, a loved one. But it also happens that there is no love in such a relationship. In this case, it can act as a sponsor. Since the woman did not find a soul mate, then you can treat favorably even married, but wealthy men. Such a lover will pay her apartment bills, groceries, acquire things and other necessary things, "bring out into the light", introducing her to friends, often unmarried.
A woman can have a married lover "for the soul." Usually these are women who have been married for a rather long period of time, tortured by everyday life and family problems (they need a lover to distract themselves from reality) and women under thirty, who have long canceled all plans for their own personal life. It is important for them to just be needed by someone.
Sometimes such a lover acts as a kind of "daddy" - this is not a young married man who has got himself a young and pretty girl. In addition to its full content, "daddy" gives her life advice, teaches her "life", introduces the right people, and later looks for a young and promising guy for her and marries her off. Everyone is happy.
A lover "for health", in this case a woman is deliberately looking for a married man to have sex. No obligations, purely "business" relationship.
It goes without saying that the main feature of a married lover is precisely the fact that he is married.
1. He was married when you met him, he fell in love with you when he was married and he will be married throughout your romance with him, no matter how this romance ends. 2. A married lover cannot devote all his free time to you. A married lover should divide his attention between you, his wife and his children, if any.
Therefore, whether you like it or not, you will have to reckon with his wife. Let's take a closer look at it.
It is not so difficult at first, but then most mistresses begin to forget this rule and then problems inevitably arise. And problems will lead to a breakdown in relations.
Unless you're going to break off your relationship with him once and for all, take his wife as an inevitable given. This is what is a solid foundation for the development of your love relationship. Without this, no success is possible at all, and if you are not ready to accept him and his wife together, then it is better not to start any relationship with a married man at all.
You will get nothing from them but disappointment, heartache and bitter regrets.
2. Never scold or criticize his wife.
But do not go too far in this matter - if your lover has shared with you the conflict that arose between him and his wife, always take the side of your lover.
In other words, without directly condemning his wife, you let the man see another, more acceptable for him model of female behavior in this particular conflict.
Remember, if a man shares his personal problems with you, it means that he trusts you and that your opinion and especially your support means a lot to him. And this is another plus in your piggy bank.
And especially never remember his wife in the intimate moments of your communication - this not only has a harmful effect on male potency, but will inevitably direct his thoughts towards his family, and this is a minus for you.
Know that every time you remember his wife, you get a hard minus in your mistress's piggy bank.
4. Collect information about his wife.
Especially when you can subtly tell a man how his wife will react to a particular situation. Your feminine insight will not go unnoticed, and this is another plus for you.
5. Never feel sorry for his wife.
If you can get any advantages or benefits in your love, but at the same time harm his wife or his family (for example, he will spend the holiday with you, not with his family), do not hesitate to get these benefits and advantages.
Remember - she will not pity you if she gets to you and you shouldn't spare her when you can get to her.
But never gloat out loud, do not express your real feelings for his wife when he can hear you or when your words can convey to him.
6. Never be jealous of his wife.
In any case, do not show your jealousy for her. Other women, on whom he tries to "lay eyes" - a completely different matter.
But as for his wife, from the very beginning of your relationship, accept as inevitable the fact that he lives with her, has sex with her, and even, perhaps, loves her.
You can influence all this over time, when you accumulate enough pluses in your personal piggy bank.
But until then, do not show your feelings, even if you gnaw your pillow at night with jealousy, when you know that now he is making love to her, and not to you.
But it's better not to let jealousy of his wife into your heart at all.
If your lover is so inattentive or absent-minded that he cannot understand what you want to get, tell him about it directly.
But don't let him put you and your wife on the same board. If he does not understand anything at all, speak to him in plain text, tell him: “I am your lover, not your wife. Never confuse me with her, in anything! ".
How to understand that a married lover loves you
Perhaps there is not a single woman who, at least once in her life, would not promise: “What? Falling in love with a married man? No way! " And after all we fall in love, we suffer, we cry to our friends.
And all why? Because, as one friend of mine said: “What's the use of him? A suitcase without a handle is both inconvenient to carry and a pity to leave. " Though…. Some women, as it turned out, perfectly find a sense in such a seemingly useless thing. The main thing is to treat it correctly.
So. After polling many of the fairer sex, such a picture emerged.
Since no one is yet visible on the horizon, some women look favorably on the rich, but married. And what? Healthy. He walks her for his money, often pays rent, food and clothes, introduces her to friends (by the way, not all of them are married!). Just do not think that women are specifically looking for such a man. Despite all the accusations against them, they do not calculate their every step. Most often (based on the experience of my acquaintances) the mistress of the “sponsor” is accidentally - either the man he likes at first prefers to keep silent about his marital status, or the young lady is so amorous that she is not puzzled by this very status - love, they say, will win everything.
Women of two categories fall into such a story: a long-married woman, overwhelmed by the house and children, or a young lady "under 30" who put a big fat cross on her family life. The first are simply looking for a distraction from everyday reality, seeing in the lover not an eternally dissatisfied husband with dirty socks, but an elegant man who does not demand anything from them. The latter, on the other hand, agree to at least something, if only sometimes they feel needed by someone.
Most often it is a married man who has got himself a young girl. He guides her "through life", helps with advice, acquaintances, and, over time, marries off to a good - from his point of view - a promising young man. Well, everyone is happy.
A kind of more modern version of "daddy". He either cannot afford the role of a guardian, or he cannot afford it, but he wants to see a woman, so he communicates to the best of his ability - languidly sighs about the impossibility of polygamy, looking longingly into her eyes if she suddenly begins to demand something: "Honey, you know I'm married."
It's simple - when you need a partner to have sex. By the way, he may well not be married, but ... there will be no problems with a married one, and he will not roll up scenes of jealousy for you either. Purely business communication - a woman knows what to expect from him in bed, he also gets "relaxation" on the side.
And yet, and all the same. Few women can keep on this fine line - keep a man as lovers, and not fall in love. After all, if you give free rein to attachments - everything, write it was gone. There will be seating at the window in anticipation of a loved one, winding circles near the phone ...
By the way, opinions on the topic - why it is better not to have a married lover - practically agreed among all the girlfriends I interviewed.
- weekends, vacations and major holidays such as the New Year will still have to be spent alone, without a partner
- no relationship development
- he cannot devote himself to you alone, and all the time he looks at his watch.
But this is all true only if it is about love ... consumption, love ... affection. That is, the one to which we are actually accustomed. And what? Everything is correct. A woman falls in love because she needs a family and a strong shoulder. And which shoulder of a married lover? He gives all his strength to his family, and rests with his mistress - soul or body, that's how it goes. And a woman loves ... loves, which means she expects that the beloved will belong only to her. How could it be otherwise? Loves, then must do ... further down the list (given in any television series). So she expects that, having said “I love”, the man will immediately become her property - after all, she was brought up like that since childhood. And the fact that in the Russian language they "love" and eat candy and drink beer is somehow forgotten.
So it might still be worth sometimes taking off your rose-colored glasses and not throwing a hungry wolf at everyone who showed attention to us, women: “Do you love? So love me constantly, and in return I will love you. And don't you dare deprive me of this love - I do not have enough of it in my life anyway! " And it is always pleasant to love - and yourself, and the house, and nature, and people. And the more you love, the less you will suffer from a lack of love in your direction, and therefore, the less you will become attached and suffer.
Well, the best thing about married lovers is, perhaps, my economist friend said: “Don't worry! A married lover is a junk bond. Also a security, but the risk is high that it will not be paid for. Although ... If, nevertheless, luck turns in your favor, then you will get more for it than for a stable bond. Reputable investors, of course, do not have anything to do with such, but many made very good dividends on such pieces of paper. " In my opinion, everything is correct. And where, tell me, is love here, and where is the calculation, eh?
Sources:
It goes without saying that the main feature of a married lover is precisely the fact that he is married
http://gutan.ru/psihologia/2-psihologia/1368-osobenosty-lubovnika.html
How to understand that a married lover loves you
And all why? Because, as one friend of mine said: “What's the use of him? A suitcase without a handle is both inconvenient to carry and a pity to leave. " Though…. Nekot
http://darina.kiev.ua/mans/zhenatyj_ljubovnik_m_2310.html
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