Regulations 

Parental anger articles on psychology. Parental anger. Why do we get angry

Parents who hit their children often complain about the feeling of anger they experience at that moment. It is uncontrollable, it captures completely and does not allow you to adequately respond. It doesn't really matter what the situation is. This anger can be caused by the most insignificant misconduct of a child. Let's see what anger is and what can be done about it.

Anger is an emotion. And any emotion - it comes and goes, it is viscous. Every emotion is created in the head. It has nothing to do with us, our gut, our Soul. Emotion is an activity of the brain, like thoughts, imagination, feelings. It is generally accepted that all this is the activity of our soul, our heart, but this is not so. It is the brain that creates and controls emotions.

The mind experiences both pain and suffering. He experiences emotions and attachments. Desires and aspirations. At the same time, our present - we ourselves (not the body, not emotions, not the intellect, but we - our being) continue to stay OUTSIDE of this mind. To feel this, you need a little more attention to yourself and a desire to study yourself. Look at yourself carefully from the outside: where does anger come from? Any other emotion? All this is mind.

To overcome anger, you need to admit it to yourself, accept it and begin to study it. When experiencing it, do not pinch yourself and do not suppress it, otherwise it will break out with renewed vigor, like any restrained vomiting, but watch it and be aware of it. Condemnation of oneself at this moment, a passionate desire to immediately turn it off in oneself will only aggravate the matter. But acquaintance with it and awareness of it can surprisingly ... neutralize it, help to see its nature and meaninglessness. At the same time, the nature of each anger is individual, no one can solve this problem for us. Only we ourselves, armed with patience and the desire to know ourselves and free ourselves from internal restraints, can solve this problem.

Power in the family
For a long time I went through those grains, which I now share with you in detail. They brought me understanding, answered many questions, but did not help in the main thing: to improve relations in the family. I stopped raising my hand to my daughter. But my feeling of anger, resentment against her did not pass. There came a moment when I realized that to beat or not to beat is not so important when there is parental authority over children in the family. But what it is, how it happens inside me, I did not understand. Most of all, I did not understand how it could be otherwise. But I felt in myself some kind of struggle, some kind of conflict, which I could not identify for myself.

I will try to explain with an example. The child has done something wrong. Inside the question arises: to punish or not. Of course, punish. How? By the pope - I dismissed this option for a long time. To scold - I tried to brush it aside, it did not work out to the end, but it led to children's immunity against lectures. The kids just didn't listen and didn't try to listen to what I was telling them. You can punish in other ways, for example, to deprive of something good. Deprive? Yes! What? How? Sweets - the son will be hysterical, and the daughter is already indifferent to them. To deprive pony classes (we go to the equestrian center) will be a tragedy, too vulnerable a topic. Do not go to the carousel at the weekend - they will misbehave at home, we will go crazy, my children are very active, they will just boil alive in the walls of the apartment in the summer and that's it. Continue reading "Power in the Family" »

Violence in family
Let's start our conversation about raising children and communicating with them with the wrong thing that we adults bring to the world of children. I'll call it violence. Child abuse. Usually this word is associated with sexual abuse, but it can also be used in other ways - physical and emotional. Often, neither parents nor children understand what exactly is happening in their family. Discomfort in communication, claims, resentment - all this is more often transferred to the character, age and the eternal problem of fathers and children. We do not use such words as parental power, child slavery, breaking a child in our vocabulary. We are more inclined to talk about children's stubbornness, today's hard life, the difficulties of parenting and the importance of a good education for children.

I, too, lived in this coordinate system for a long time. But gradually I had to notice that what I do not like in the behavior of my children, I want to eradicate, break, correct in them in the most categorical way. I had to notice that what I did not like so much in my childhood, I do now in my family. And my children react the same way - they hide, do not make contact, learn to lie, they want to avoid a showdown in every possible way. Continue reading "Domestic Violence" »
Tags: unconditional acceptance, beating, cruelty, living stories, punishment, violence, parental mistakes, child nature

Children must respect their parents. Or not?
The opinion that children should respect their parents is quite common. We, adults, are trying in every possible way to instill in children this habit - to respect us. We are not even ashamed to tell them directly: "You must respect your parents."

Why is it so important for us to be respected by our children? Such instilled, pre-desired by the parent, not natural respect of the child for an adult is caused by parental fear that the child will treat him not so correctly, not so respectfully, in other words, not as well as the parent would like.

We want our requests (often bordering on a claim) to be met by the child not with refusal or rudeness, but with submissive obedience or at least respectful consent. In order to accept our YES or NO unconditionally, our interests (mom needs to work, so sit quietly; dad is tired, sleeping, don’t make noise) were not unshakable in the eyes of the child and clearly took precedence over his own interest (the desire to go for a walk, jump, make noise, laugh).

We want to be able to control any situation, make a tough enough decision that is beneficial to our policy, stepping over the interest of the child - all this is often done with the motivation “I know better what you need”, “it’s impossible to follow the child’s desires, otherwise grow up as a slob."

It turns out that our respect for us instilled in children is another attempt by the parent to extend his power over the child, to show him that his interests are not so priority, his thoughts are not so pure, his desires are not so correct, his nature is a priori not so good. We clearly do not have confidence in this person, and most importantly, we do not consider the child a full-fledged person, only some unfinished person, until he graduates from a university with a red diploma and earns money for his first car. Continue reading "Children should respect their parents. Or not?" »
Tags: unconditional acceptance, love, violence, attitude towards people, mistakes of parents, nature of a child, happy childhood, sensitivity

Parenting fears and what to do about them
As parents, we are afraid of many things. We are afraid of diseases described by pants, that the child will start crawling, talking, reading late. We are afraid of deuces at school, absenteeism, early love, early pregnancy. We are afraid that the child will grow up unsuccessful, stupid, lazy, selfish. Will drink, smoke and swear. Will not be able to get an education, and therefore feed his family. Failed to marry or get married.

We heard a lot of stories about how great parents grew up to be idiots and rude. And we are afraid that this will happen to us. We do not trust ourselves or our child. We do not understand the nature of relationships with children, children's perception, parental influence.

And these fears make us enter the race to train our child, influence him through the external: let him read a lot - that's right, let him wash the floor - be neat, let him play sports - he won't hang around the streets and drink beer. We give lectures about the dangers of TV, bad company, unleashed girls and rude boys, smoking, alcohol and drugs. Do you think we will be able to raise a good child, whom we could be proud of, whom teachers would love and who would be touched by all the grandmothers on the tram?

I'm afraid not. And I'm afraid we feel it in advance.

This path of vanity and fear is in no way similar to the path of love and trust in your child, recognition of his personality and mutually joyful communication. A child cannot possibly be a computer that we are trying to program for some particular way of life that we have chosen. The child is alive. And the very first thing he absorbs is what he sees. He can understand a lot of things that are suggested to him, but he will live by copying what he saw all his childhood. If we, with irritation at him, teach him to yield and not swear with his younger brother, he will not be able to learn this. But he will learn to be hypocritical, to lie, to mask the inner behind the outer.

To raise a good person, you need to be a good person yourself. And education in itself is a completely useless exercise. It generates fear of inadequacy, an inflated sense of duty that sometimes suppresses inner feelings, dependence on the opinions of parents, and is also the cause of an aggressive and painful adolescence, when the child finally takes his previously suppressed freedom.

Dear parents, let's just live, be who we are. Change for the better, and not try to outwardly appear different. Love your children for what they are. Enjoy life and be human in every situation. Then our children will be better than us and give their children a better foundation than we do.

It's hard to find a start, right?

It is a mistake to assume that a child begins from the moment of birth. Or even more so at the age of three, when he begins to understand something. The child begins at the very beginning - when the parents conceived him. And it is very important what exactly they felt, how they treated each other, what they wanted, what they dreamed about. Archi important - how was the mother's pregnancy, her state of mind, thoughts about the baby, the desire or unwillingness of the child, her balance. During this period, she demonstrates the ability to show all her best qualities that she has learned in her life - the ability to forgive, feel, understand, accept, not be offended, be sensitive, gentle, but strong. From time immemorial, it was believed that pregnant women should not be nervous. Why not? This is bad for the child. Seems like an obvious answer. But many do not understand at all. Until now, people, when talking about the physical connection between mother and child, do not fully understand the full force of the connection that exists from the very moment of conception. We are used to explaining it in terms of purely physiological things, such as blood. We forget about the main thing - the spiritual connection of these two beings. Everything experienced by the mother will be embedded in the child and will give him a start in life. Therefore, the common opinion that a child starts life from scratch is erroneous - his mother has already laid a lot for him in nine months, so he is not like any other baby of the same age. And this foundation will follow the child all his life, will have a serious impact on his health, psyche, character, fate. This is not an exaggeration: it is during pregnancy that a woman lays the foundation for all aspects of her baby's life with her behavior in her ordinary everyday situations.

How many 40-50-year-old people have serious mental problems, bordering on physical ones, the basis of which is in the fetal period! Very many! Every woman knew about this relationship in the old days. Medicine has always been silent about this. Attentive psychologists are talking about this more and more openly. More and more mothers are convinced of this from their own experience.

Let's not reinvent the wheel. We simply admit to ourselves that motherhood is a huge responsibility of a woman to herself, her child, Nature, God. And the child begins in the first moments of pregnancy. It is from this moment that his life begins. God forbid that a woman has enough spiritual strength and wisdom from this moment to protect her baby from the blows of fate.
I often think, what am I?

There is a song with such words: what are our girls made of!

What am I from?

I love spring in April, when it's not hot yet, everything is in flowers and fresh greenery! I love May, so that a downpour with bubbles, puddles up to the ankles, and so that the water is warm, so that a thunderstorm, and thunder, and lightning, but not for long. Then summer, when the sea with and without waves, I love Sergeevka. I love autumn with its yellow and red leaves. And I love winter, when there is snow, and when there are warm things, when a sunny frosty day is all in snow, and the sky is blue, deep, then I love her very much. And I also love the Wind, when it is warm both in the face and in the chest, arms to the sides and clothes in the wind like a sail, I love the sound of the sea, waterfall, rain.

Flowers are just a captured ecstasy. And their aroma, and forms, there is no limit to the admiration of the riot of their colors, from naive simplicity to regal pomposity.
Sunsets 10-15 minutes of the magic of the sun and sky, you catch every second, you want to absorb and enjoy all the shades from soft pink to deep purple, and all this against the background of various shades of blue turning into deep blue sky, often a hundred times the magic is enhanced by lush clouds with rays piercing them in all directions. The sky changes instantly and every moment gives a new ecstasy, as if there are many small fireflies inside me and they jump and dance at once, spin in small spirals and I feel joyful and cheerful. Waves of joy come from the heart and spread throughout the body! The most amazing thing is that everything is always new and you can enjoy it all your life!

Dawns are a sacrament, prayer is a meeting with GOD! The silence in the morning dawn strikes everything. A rooster crowed, a nightingale is pouring somewhere, a cuckoo is crowing, everything is stirring, a breeze blew, awe ... everyone is waiting for the command - the curtain, and the main character, our all-illuminating Sun with his love, enters the stage. His outfit changes like a real magician, some 5-10 minutes and our fearless acrobat soars high in the sky and imagine - without insurance. This is how he will walk the whole day on an invisible rope and delight and give warmth and a smile to us, living on our beautiful planet Earth.

I really want to have my own house. A house where my relatives can come, and they will feel good, cozy, warm in it. I want to grow flowers myself, I want to have a garden and a kitchen garden. I really like to watch how what I planted grows, to take care of everything. It's great when a cat and a dog live in the house, you can have several. From communicating with them you get a feeling of homeliness and need, they are always waiting and meeting you, they are always happy and love you with some special devotion. I already love all this.

I love my beloved, thank him for being with me!

I love my children, I want them to be happy, let everything in their life be their joy!

Children are love forever! Only for them you come to life and continue to live on!

Child's lack of remorse
Many parents of children 3-6 years old, or even older, complain about the lack of sincerity, understanding, repentance, sympathy in their children. “He hit his brother, he cries, but he laughs himself.” Or “plays with a toy that he wanted to take away.” “She stepped on my foot, I can’t catch my breath, and my daughter has already run away, muttering sorry.” “I perfectly understood that I was wrong, but I myself will never apologize.”

This kind of behavior is annoying in and of itself. But correcting it directly - with some kind of comment or request, or even more so with moralizing - is a mistake. This action will show the child the way to lies, external conformity, which is unlikely to please parents. The only correct way is to notice in yourself your own inattention to the child. Children always grasp what they see in the house. Many consider the street to be a major influence. This influence is, but it is not the main thing. The main thing is the house.

The most educated mother can be inattentive in the child. Look at yourself, how do you react to children's crying, childhood experiences, failures, fears? Are your child's difficulties always as important to you as your own? If the fact that a new long-awaited car was taken away from him, you react: “Don't cry. She's still yours. Give the boy a ride, but for now take his tractor, ”he is unlikely to be especially ceremonious in a situation where your interests will be infringed.

Let's try to notice that often in acute situations for a child, we react with memorized clichés, teaching the child not to be greedy, not to offend, not to be offended, not to be jealous, not to show off. We seem to be saying the right things. But at the same time, we ignore the main thing - the child himself, his feelings and experiences. This mistake of ignoring is then repeated by our children to their friends, brothers, sisters and ourselves.

- "Do not Cry. She's still yours. Let the boy ride, but for now, take his tractor, ”mom said and went back to her friend’s shop to discuss seasonal sales. From these words, the child, of course, did not calm down. But he realized that his mother condemns his behavior, she does not understand his feelings, and he remains alone with them. How they will accumulate and how to get out - it's all very individual, but very painful.

The child is misbehaving. You objectively want to change his reaction. Try to start with the words: "I'm with you." "I love you". "Darling, what happened, tell me." "I understand you". Such attention to inner experiences will generate a high level of trust and sensitivity. The child will happily share his news with you. He will know that he is always understood. You will be able to gently adjust his reaction by offering to experience this situation together. Gradually, you will notice that he himself is sensitive to changes in your mood, takes care of you, your well-being, your smile.

Only by your example will you show your child natural sincerity, care and warmth.

I stand, digging in kitchen oilcloths. Behind me is an iron mesh basket. In the basket - hats, caps, panamas.
At the basket is a mother with a boy of 10-11 years old. On the other hand, grandpa is rummaging in panama hats. Very decent, but extremely dilapidated.

The boy grabs from the basket a huge scarlet hat with a wide brim and a poppy on the side. He puts on in delight and yells:
- Mom, mom, look at my hat!
- What are you doing?! - Mom yells, - Why did you grab a woman's hat? You're an idiot?! What are you, grandma? You would still put on women's panties! What are you, like a bugger, grabbing woman's junk?! There's still a bra on! Go, go, try on a bra!
I bury myself in oilcloths: “None of your business, be silent, fool, wait for your grandchildren, and educate!”
Suddenly, a dilapidated grandfather ... With an indescribably anecdotal \ "Odessa \" reprimand, grazing and helping himself with gestures:
- So madam, you are already in vain instructing the boy! Having such a model of a woman around since childhood, your boy will easily become a pederast without additional instructions!
Silent scene.

I, unsticking from oilcloths:
- Grandpa, can I kiss you on the cheek?
- This is at any moment, - says the grandfather.
I kiss my grandfather on the parchment cheek, smelling of old cologne, and leave the battlefield.
As they say, no comment...

Source website Ne-bey http://www.nebej.ru/ Anna Demidova

All children sometimes disobey and act up, many parents find themselves unable to restrain their emotions and resort to screaming or assault as the only effective way to pacify a recalcitrant child. Heavy artillery as a method of education inevitably leads to childish resentment and remorse for adults. But how not to break down on a child if emotions take precedence over reason?

In order not to reproach yourself after a flash of anger, you need to learn how to control emotions and find softer methods of influence. Fear of parents and accumulated resentment are not the best feelings that a child should experience. Often, children do not forgive adults for cruel treatment and misunderstanding all their lives. It is in childhood that the foundation of relationships is laid, so they must initially be built in a positive direction, otherwise, in old age, a similar attitude awaits mom and dad.

Cruel methods of education leave an indelible mark on the psyche of the baby, which will accompany him for the rest of his life, giving rise to complexes, self-doubt and irritability. If parents do not want to spoil the nerves for themselves and the future of the younger generation, it is worth finding the true causes of uncontrollable outbursts of anger.

Why do parents take it out on their kids?

The true causes of parental anger are most often found in themselves, and not in children, unlearned lessons, deuces and unwashed dishes. The anger accumulated during the day spills out onto a child who is nearby at an unfortunate moment. What are the real reasons?

  1. established pattern of behavior. If parents were brought up in a family where screaming and spanking were used as a measure of influence, they unwittingly adopt these methods and it is very difficult to get rid of them.
  2. Fatigue. This problem most often concerns the mother of a small baby: systematic lack of sleep, irregular meals, children's crying - exhaust the psyche and, in the end, lead to a nervous breakdown.
  3. Life in the interests of the child. A mother, for whom the baby is always in the first place, begins to forget about rest, entertainment, caring for her own appearance, after a while she will have a desire to devote time to herself, but she will consciously refuse this so as not to leave the child unattended.
  4. Perfectionism. The desire to be an ideal mother in everything, to have time to fulfill all the plans will lead to constant nervous tension and fear of doing something wrong, all this will inevitably result in irritability for any reason.
  5. Prolonged containment of negative emotions. If you accumulate evil inside for a long time, sooner or later an explosion will occur, the reason for which may be some trifle.
  6. Excessive demands on the child. Expectations to raise a scientific genius, an athlete or a talented musician are sometimes shattered by the child's lack of ability and desire to study - this will certainly cause discontent on the part of parents, because they so wanted to realize their dreams that they forgot about the interests of a small person.
  7. Personal problems. Difficulties at work, in relationships with the opposite sex, or just a bad day can cause a breakdown in the baby.

Why do relapses occur specifically on children? Because parents feel their impunity and power, because offspring cannot fire them from work, deprive them of bonuses, and often even simply respond to negativity.

How does parental anger affect a child?

When parents yell at a child, he also experiences a storm of emotions and takes what is happening more seriously than it seems from the outside. The least that such humiliation can entail is an insult that will pass in a few hours or sit in the soul for many years. But more serious problems are possible.

Systematic breakdowns will lead to the fact that the baby will acquire an inferiority complex, lose self-confidence, curiosity and desire to do something, because the fear of making a mistake and again causing the mother’s anger will stop him.

There will be distrust of parents and an abyss in the relationship between an adult and a child, most likely he will not share his problems and experiences, again because of the fear of falling under a hot hand. In adolescence, immunity to the cry of the mother will be developed, the child will no longer perceive these methods and will find understanding on the side, perhaps among peers who may not be the best advisers.

The circle will close when the son or daughter adopts this pattern of behavior and starts to take it out on their children. To get rid of the habit of "taking with your voice" you need great willpower and patience.

How to maintain self-control?

You can cope with the problem on your own, using exercises and tips recommended by psychologists. Their effectiveness has been proven by numerous examples of parents who have learned to control anger, not break loose over trifles and approach the situation constructively.

  • Parents are an example for a child

When emotions come up and you want to raise your voice or hit, parents should think that their offspring takes an example from them. He will perceive this as the norm of life and will begin to use it in the future. It is unlikely that mom and dad want to see their child as a nervous parent who uses cruel methods of education.

  • Anticipation of the situation

If outbursts of anger have become systematic, it's time to find their cause, maybe you should just relax, get enough sleep or take time for yourself. If you feel the approach of another breakdown, you can use an exercise that will allow you to be in the place of the child. You just need to imagine that a person is shouting at you, two or three times taller, on which you depend in all respects, materially and psychologically. The sensations are not pleasant, the child feels the same when an adult raises his voice at him.

  • Pause

If an explosion of emotions occurs here and now, then it is best to stop abruptly and freeze for a few seconds, it is advisable to immediately leave the scene and be alone with yourself. It may not be possible to influence a naughty child, the main goal is to calm down an adult and, pulling himself together, solve the problem.

  • Embrace

If you managed to quickly recover and not yell at the child, you need to hug your child. In this way, you can eliminate the conflict at the very beginning and establish a constructive dialogue. Not only the parent will calm down, but also the baby. This exercise is suitable for children of preschool and primary school age, a teenager may not respond to a parent's desire to embrace him.

Release of emotions
Coping with an outburst of anger is sometimes very difficult and it is simply necessary to let off steam. You can go into another room and throw out emotions with the help of gestures, it can be applause or a “silent movie”, when everything that you want to say out loud is expressed by hand movements and facial expressions without a single sound.

  • abstraction

No matter how trite it sounds, but the method of stopping and counting to 10 works, instead of counting, you can read a poem to yourself or say a phrase, look at a picture or look out the window. In just 5-10 minutes, calm will come and it will become much easier to solve the problem with the child.

If, nevertheless, a breakdown has already occurred, and there was not enough strength to stop on time, you need to analyze the situation, identify the true reason, perhaps the child is not to blame, just his prank was the last straw. If a parent came to the conclusion that he went too far, it is necessary to apologize to his offspring and explain why it happened that way.

How to control a child without screaming?

A trusting, close relationship between parents and children will be the key to understanding. A child can be taught to see that he is crossing the line of what is permitted and to control his behavior with just a couple of phrases. It is possible to establish contact between family members only when everyone is satisfied with their position, they know their rights and obligations, they feel each other's mood. How to become closer to your children and learn to educate with a word? Tips from experienced parents and psychologists:

  1. Hug and kiss your children more often. Make this ritual a tradition.
  2. Establish rules that are binding on all family members, then the child will know exactly what can be done, and what act will be punished.
  3. Take time for yourself and your own interests, sometimes leave the kids under the supervision of other family members and leave the territory of the house.
  4. Give vent to negative emotions that arise over trifles, for example, crumpling a sheet of paper or hitting a pillow.
  5. If you have spoiled your mood at work, take a contrast shower or a relaxing bath, in such a simple way to wash off all the bad things.
  6. Communicate daily with children, participate in their lives, share problems and experiences.
  7. Read more books about child psychology, it will definitely help you better understand your offspring. If necessary, seek advice from a specialist.
  8. Take sedatives.

Evil begets evil - this rule is worth remembering for all parents when their nerves are at the limit. It is more difficult for a child to control his behavior, his personality has not yet been formed, so the responsibility for calm communication and a peaceful upbringing process lies entirely on the shoulders of adults.

Back in the 19th century, the French countess and “part-time” good writer Sophie Segur subtly remarked: “Anger is a weapon of impotence.” Admit it, which of you is ready to demonstrate to others (and even more so to your own children) your powerlessness? It seems that almost no one will give a positive answer to this question! But after all, it’s not enough “not to sign one’s own impotence”, one must also do something to strengthen one’s nervous system.

Parental anger: breeding grounds

It happens that the starting point of parental anger is not the innocent prank of their baby, but the problems accumulated by parents (and especially mothers, especially those who “stay at home”), lack of self-care or even just lack of personal space.

What else are the sources of irritation and parental anger?

  • An authoritarian type of upbringing, manifested in an unwillingness to reckon with the opinion of the child, in communicating with him mainly by threats or by setting conditions (after all, he is “still small or stupid”). This style of parenting most often causes children to feel unimportant and undesirable in the family and often leads to alienation from their parents. The seemingly unreasonable demands of parents cause in children either protest and aggression, or apathy and passivity.
  • The model of one's own upbringing in a family where parents were distinguished by authoritarianism, and also the "norm" in it was "venting anger" on children.
  • Personal vanity, “feeding” excessive demands on their offspring (“my child should be the smartest, most noticeable, cheerful, etc.”). Lack of understanding of the true needs of children and the inability to find a common language with them.
  • Adult problems: dissatisfaction with family relationships, lack of money, etc.
  • Chronic fatigue. This is the eternal companion of young mothers. Lack of sleep, the need to quit the things you started as soon as the child demanded attention, constant attempts to guess what the baby needs now - all this contributes to a decrease in the endurance of the nervous system. And as soon as you sit down to take a breath, the “little despot” again demands something. How can you resist!

How to manage anger and deal with anger at a child?

What to do in those cases when you feel that you are about to "explode", and even more so if this explosion did occur?

1. Leave the "battlefield". If emotions are running high, then it is worth leaving the room without closing the door and telling the baby: “I will be in another room (or in the kitchen), I will be back soon.” A short timeout will help you calm down and think a little. In fact, sometimes we overestimate the ability of children under 3-4 years old - to behave well, to imagine the consequences, not to scatter things, etc. We must try to understand what caused the “breakdown”. Usually, literally 3-5 minutes is enough to take a breath, calm down and remember the need to be tolerant of children, most of whom are meant to be naughty by nature.

2. Switch your attention. If possible, you should go to a place where no one will bother you (for example, by closing in the bedroom), you need to sit or lie down, taking the most comfortable position and closing your eyes. Your breathing should be calm, and you should breathe through your nose. After lying like this for 2-3 minutes, you need to imagine the room in which you are. With your mind's eye, examine (as if peering into everything) the furniture, its details, circle the walls with the same inner gaze, fixing with it the details of paintings, chandeliers, curtains, etc., encountered on your way. Having finished this inspection, you should open your eyes, breathe (now more deeply and even intensively) for another 1-2 minutes, after which you can rise, not forgetting to do a few more light warm-up exercises with your arms and legs after lifting. If you do not have the opportunity to go to another room free from people and lie down there, then you can limit yourself to “examining with your inner eye” the details of your clothes, sitting in a semi-relaxed position on a chair or armchair.

3. Swap places with your child. Another good trick is to try to imagine yourself in the place of your own baby. Having analyzed the trouble that has occurred from the position of a child, it will be easier for you to resist screaming and aggression.

4. Remember the good. Also, at the moment of strong anger at the child, adults should remember all the best that is connected with him. Resurrecting bright memories from family life in your memory, you can get rid of negativity in your soul, holding back from unnecessary scandals.

5. Play the situation. And also remember that humor and laughter are the best medicine, including family stress. Therefore, try, if possible, to transfer the conflict situation to a different emotional register. In response, for example, to the cries and sobs of the baby (provided that this is just a childish whim, and not a call for help from a crumb who cannot speak), start imitating him the way clowns do: make faces, take funny poses, jump on one leg, or even begin to sob sadly with him and ask him for help. All this will reduce not only your tension and the desire to “spank well” or somehow punish the child, but also switch the attention of the baby.

Parental anger: how to prevent "fire"?

Of course, it is often easier to prevent such breakdowns than to deal with their negative consequences later. And therefore, try to plan all your time so that it is enough not only for household chores, but also for communication with the child. And here the main thing is not to forget to pay attention to the tone of your voice and the words that you use in this communication. Well, if you have such an opportunity, then try to get some sleep. Sometimes, in order to restore moral and physical strength, only 15-20 minutes of sleep is enough.

We are all human beings and experience a range of emotions, including anger. It is unpleasant, of course, to realize that you are angry with the most precious person in the world - your child, but adults are quite capable of curbing their feelings. Even when experiencing anger, we are able to control it so as not to cause psychological trauma to the baby.

Many people are ashamed to admit that they are angry with their own children. They hide their emotions as deeply as possible, so irritation only accumulates. To then break out with a flash of anger ... And what to do with it? First you need to admit to yourself that you are angry. So the emotion is no longer hidden in the back streets of consciousness, and you can influence it. Next, you need to understand that the ability to experience negative emotions is an indispensable part of the work of a healthy psyche. The emergence of emotions cannot be assessed from the point of view of morality. We are entitled to all the feelings that we have. This is already a little comforting.

Children are, of course, angels and very cool. But they are extremely annoying. Feeling the constant and unquenchable joy of communicating with your own children is an idyll that is inaccessible to most parents. Unless grandmothers, who rarely see their grandchildren. And you try to leave them for a couple of days.

Therefore, almost every parent is faced with negative feelings towards their own child. Some of them do not see this as a problem and, in general, do not deny themselves anything, someone, on the contrary, suppresses and hides their emotions. Both in the first and in the second case, children suffer as a result, who at any age need a self-confident and predictable parent. Why exactly predictable? Because the child has the right to rely on the common sense of his parents in any situation. And not to live in constant fear, not knowing why they will fall into a rage: from a broken plate, an unlearned lesson, or from a fight with a neighbor's boy. Do not depend on the changeable mood of mom and dad, when today a hole in jeans is not a problem, and tomorrow mom was scolded by her boss - and the same hole caused her a wave of righteous anger.

Unfortunately, few of us can live only on the wave of a positive mood. In addition, a person must experience different emotions, and the parent must also teach the child to cope with them, and not drive them deeper. But it also happens that at first the adult himself needs to learn how to manage his feelings so as not to harm the child.

In fact, there are not so many effective methods on how to stop broadcasting your negative emotions on a child. What can help your parents stay calm, or at least keep you from doing things you'll regret later?

  1. Recognize the right to feel for a beloved child not only love. You have the right to be tired and annoyed, to feel angry and angry, to be in no mood to do something if you do not have the strength and time. Don't drive it all deeper, believing that a good mother shouldn't feel that way. Because in any case it will affect the child: in caustic remarks, unfounded criticism. Admit to yourself that you don’t want to pour all this on the child, set a goal for yourself - to learn to control your emotions.
  2. Recognize the child's right to experience negative emotions. Often we think: why should he be in a bad mood when I do everything for him, he does not need anything. On the contrary, the task of parents is to help the child experience a wide variety of feelings: both joy and sadness. Say more often: “I understand that you are angry (sad, not in the mood, you are offended, you don’t want to, etc.).” Talk about your feelings too. For example, it’s better to say “I’m very tired after work, I need to rest a little, draw for yourself” than “Leave me alone, I want to rest.” True, psychologists warn parents not to go into details of your problems, not to tell children about all your misfortunes, and who is to blame for this. They are not yet able to bear this burden.
  3. You have to work on acknowledging your feelings. But what to do when your patience has already snapped? Try taking a few deep breaths, go to another room, try something distracting. Sometimes it can help, especially if you practice more often. During this time, soberly assess the situation: maybe a broken plate is not a disaster, but problems at school are completely solvable.
  4. When a conflict is brewing for you, remember all the positive qualities that your child has, everything that you love him for, imagine him the way he is when he is happy and contented. This will extinguish your anger or nullify your irritation. Of course, this will not solve the problem itself, but it will give you the opportunity to calm down and talk with the child about what happened.
  5. Separate the child from his actions. Yes, he acted badly, but this is a bad deed, and not the child himself. This will help you choose the right words in a conversation with him, thereby not undermining his confidence in his significance and your love for him.
  6. Do not be afraid to apologize to the child, especially if your reaction was very violent and offensive to him. Explain that you also do not always manage to control yourself, but you regret it.