Spoiled child: how to correct the flaws of improper upbringing. Spoiled child: how to re-educate

22.07.2019

Instruction

The introduction of a clear daily routine. You will have to spend a lot of time and effort to teach your child to get up and go to bed at the same time. But as a result, a disciplined baby will be much easier to accustom to other important actions, such as brushing his teeth and making the bed. But keep in mind that the child will observe the daily routine only if you yourself adhere to it.

Give the child some responsibility. Let it be simple - water the flowers, feed the cat or take out the trash. But it is these simple actions that will teach the baby to respect your work, to be responsible for the task assigned.

Take control of your child's nutrition. The health and ability to work of any person depends on his nutrition. Limit the amount of sweets to reasonable limits, allow them to be eaten only after a full lunch or dinner.

Set a new rule in the family - no more than 2 hours a day. Unlimited TV viewing and endless computer games lead to serious problems with the children's nervous system. Make an agreement with your child that you can only spend 30 minutes to 1 hour on the computer if you get a good grade in school or do some housework.

Encourage your child to choose their own sport. Let him splash out his energy, which is so much, to improve his body and improve health. The sport that your child chooses can be anything - they all bring great benefits. Physical activity will help develop positive character traits - perseverance, willpower, patience.

Ensure communication with peers. If your baby has already got 1-2 friends or girlfriends, invite these to your place. While your child will interact with them, do household chores. It will be great if friends who have something to learn from will come to visit your son or daughter.

Praise your child often. Children are very partial to praise, you should not disregard the slightest of their achievements. Explain to your child that you are very proud of him if he does the right thing, helps around the house, and studies successfully. But let him know that in case of failure, he will also be dear to you.

Teach your child patience. Often spoiled children are characterized by a lack of patience, they need everything at once. If he asks you to do something, for example, read to him, take advantage of this, do not rush to him at the first call, develop patience with him. Explain what you will read to him when you are free. After enduring a little time, fulfill his request - thereby you will bring up the child's attitude towards you as a person, and not as a means of satisfying his needs.

Talk to your child more often. Your communication with the baby should not be reduced to ten minutes of lectures. Use any free time for talking, talk about your childhood, important events in it, about other people and their actions, talk about animals, plants, birds, insects. Try to bring up an optimist in your child, show him beauty in all manifestations, teach him to observe nature. Frank conversations and your personal example will become an important factor for the child in the upbringing of positive character traits.

At some point, a person begins to understand that he has already matured, and his parents treat him like a three-year-old child. Excessive care and attention can not only irritate, but cause conflicts and misunderstandings. It is better to re-educate parents as soon as the first signs of their “replaying” appear. Most often they can be seen when the child is 14-15 years old.

Instruction

Decide for yourself what exactly you want from your parents. What should they be to make you feel comfortable? Most of the problems with parents are based on the fact that they do not see you as an adult, you will always remain a child for them, whether you are 20 or 50 years old. Imagine an ideal model of family relationships, but consider the fact that it must be realistic, otherwise, you will not succeed.

Analyze your behavior. Perhaps it is you who give the older generation a reason to think that you will not be able to decide on your own what is good for you and what is not very good. Put yourself in the shoes of your parents. Think about what they don't like about your behavior. It is likely that if you eliminate the moments that irritate them, you will get more freedom.

Move from thought to action. No matter how strange it may seem, but do not resist their instructions. Do whatever they say. If they won't let you go somewhere, next time come home on time; call back when they ask; don't forget to follow their instructions. When your parents see that you are able to adequately fulfill their requests, they will treat you like a person, and after a while the question of going anywhere will not even arise. They will be sure that nothing will happen to you.

Don't be afraid to talk to your parents. Participate in their conversations, express your opinion, consult with them. Gradually demonstrate to them that you understand what is at stake, that you can’t just give up on you and refer to the fact that “these are adult problems.”

Justify all your actions. Try to explain to your parents why you are doing this and not otherwise. Ask them to stand in their place, ask what they would do if they were in your situation. Remind them of their youth, ask if they behaved as required of you.

Do not blackmail your parents and do not do anything to them "for evil." This will only provoke conflicts and nothing good will come of it. By doing so, you will demonstrate that you are not ready to behave adequately and that you still need parental care.

Consider five principles that must be observed in raising a spoiled child:

1. Try to be able to explain to the baby the difference between his strong desire and need.

2. Together with the children, you can collect all their books with toys that they no longer play with, children's clothes and take everything to the orphanage. There your child will see that there are children who need care, who do not have the most important thing - parents and their love. This will also make it clear to children that there are people who are initially given less than everyone else. Such actions also teach children compassion and the desire to share their own with others.

3. Readiness for the fact that children always compare themselves with others

Comparing yourself to your environment is normal at any human age. After all, all people have a desire to be different from others, to lag behind and achieve great success. Therefore, a situation constantly arises when the baby wants some thing just because friends already have it. You can give up your positions only if this thing is useful. If it’s just a trinket, then you should try to explain why you won’t buy it. You can also offer to "earn" it, for example, clean up or learn something.

4. Try to teach your child about saving and planning expenses

5. Teach your kid to earn.

Here, of course, we are not talking about the full provision of oneself and one's needs at an early age. You just need to teach the kid to the fact that if he wants to have some kind of thing, then it will not fall on his head, you need to earn it. Thus, to get what he wants, he will try harder in his studies and household chores.

Steps

Part 1

Getting rid of old habits

Determine how spoiled the child is. Does the child constantly make scenes and say unpleasant things to get what they want? Does he continue to pester you and ask for something even after you refuse? Does he act as if he believes that everything should be his way, without trying to do anything to deserve what he wants? Does your child never say "please" and "thank you"? These are all symptoms of spoilage.

Ask yourself a few questions and find out how you pamper your child yourself. There are many factors to consider, for example:

Are you afraid to say "no" to your child? Why?
Do you constantly succumb to his provocations, knowing that this is wrong?
Do you make up rules and punishments and then go back on your words?
Do you often buy gifts for your child for no apparent reason?
If you answered "yes" to any of these questions, chances are you're feeding a spoiled child. Your child has learned that you do not like to refuse him, that you are fickle in your rules and regulations, and that he does not have to do anything special, much less behave, to get what he wants.

Stop agreeing with everything. Just start saying no. This wave is normal, and once your child begins to hear “no” from you often, he will get used to the new state of affairs. You can explain to the child the reasons for your refusal, the main thing is not to give up your words and not change your point of view.

You should always know where your child is and what he is doing. This is quite difficult to implement if you work a lot, but it is very important to know the routine and rules of raising a child so as not to spoil it. Do you fully trust your child's nanny? Or does the nanny constantly allow the child to do whatever he wants?

Start bargaining with your child. Every time your child asks for something, encourage him to do something else first. If he wants to go play with a neighbor or play video games, instead of immediately asking him to tidy up the room, help you with the dishes, or take out the trash.

Prioritize time spent with family. One of the biggest reasons for a spoiled child is the guilt of parents for not spending enough time with their child. Torn between work, the child's activities (football, dancing, etc.) and social life, it is very difficult to find time for everything else, for example, for family dinners.

Be consistent. Always follow the established rules. If you do not do this, the child will understand that you can be ignored and you can be bargained with.

Avoid empty threats. Don't threaten punishment that you can't carry out. The next time the child "will not let himself be fooled" and will begin to think that you still will not keep your promise, no matter what happens.

Do not give in to whims, complaints, entreaties, and other indicators of bad behavior. If you said no or punished for a particular behavior, don't back down and change your mind. Remain calm even if the child is making a scene. If you do not indulge him, the child will realize that his tactics no longer work.

Involve other authority figures. Make sure your spouse or partner follows the same rules and share your parenting style with grandparents or nannies. It will be better if all these people do not underestimate your efforts, for example, succumb to the tantrums of the child, forgive him for bad behavior and shower the child with gifts.

Part 3

Teaching Gratitude and Responsibility

Teach your child to be polite. At an early age, you need to teach your child to say the words “please” and “thank you”. But even if such words are not in his vocabulary, it is never too late to start. The easiest way to teach a child to say these words is to use them in his own speech.

Set house rules for the whole family. If the children are still too young, it is only natural to clean up after them. But as soon as they grow up, teach them to be self-sufficient, referring to the fact that each member of the family must contribute to the comfort of home.

You can start by cleaning toys after play. Add more responsibilities as you get older.

Be a role model. If you don't work hard yourself, you can't expect your child to have the same attitude towards work. Your child should see your work and understand that even if you want to do more pleasant things, you still perform your duties around the house.

Do household chores together. Duties like cleaning the room or washing up after meals can be too much for the kids, so do it together, at least at first. This will teach the child to properly perform household chores. It will also help them to believe in themselves.

Follow a routine for doing household chores. You will achieve great results if you set a routine for doing housework. Children will have less reason to complain if they understand that they must, for example, clean their room every Sunday.

Teach your child to be patient. Children often cannot sit still, but they will do better in life if they are taught to wait and/or work towards a goal. Explain to the child that he will not always get what he wants right away.

Many believe that between the words "ill-mannered" and "spoiled" you can put an equal sign. Only it's not. The child is spoiled with valuable things, eternal indulgence of his whims and a complete lack of education. But the minions are those children who receive love from their parents just as much as they need. Such children are given gifts just like that, and not when they demand, they are allowed a lot, but not because the parents feel some kind of guilt. And such a child knows that if something goes wrong, he will be responsible for it. But a spoiled child considers himself omnipotent. Everything was always allowed to him, his every whim was fulfilled. He can become hysterical in the store because they didn’t buy something for him, and he won’t understand the reasons why they refused. He always bought everything and did it just the way he wanted.

Signs of a spoiled child

Here a little man appeared in the family, parents cannot get enough of it and do everything so that their baby does not need anything. He sneezed - they immediately fly up with a handkerchief; I started crying because I couldn’t get some toy - please take it, just don’t cry. If he hits someone on the court, they will scold him, but only for appearances, but they will think to themselves, what a fine fellow, he can stand up for himself. Such parents always have an explanation for bad behavior, because this is their most beloved baby in the world.
It happens that parents are very busy at work and try to pay off their children with expensive toys. Over time, gifts become more expensive, but the child already ceases to appreciate them and grows up as an egoist, emotionally cold and unable to communicate with others.
The purchase and fulfillment of all wishes leads to the fact that the child does not understand why the parents did not buy the toy for Him. Lack of money is not an argument for him, he simply will not understand, because this is for Him. Such a child will throw a temper tantrum, fight and misbehave every time something happens that he doesn't want.

Reasons for spoiled child

Psychologists have long noticed that we bring up our children either in the same way as they brought us up, or absolutely the opposite.
Most often, the reason why parents spoil their child is that they themselves were not loved in childhood. And they are trying to give their children everything that they did not have themselves.
Another reason why children grow up spoiled is a long-awaited child. A long wait or, conversely, a lot of unsuccessful attempts, leads to the fact that when a child is born, the world of parents narrows down to this one little man, so long-awaited. His needs, his achievements and successes are so pleasing to them that, in the end, the child begins to perceive himself as the center of the universe. Whatever he does causes a storm of positive emotions, and it doesn’t matter to parents how he did it, good or bad. After all, their baby did it.
The last reason is a peculiar view of education. That is, the child is not limited, not punished, and they try to fulfill any of his desires, explaining this by the fact that the child must develop, and the restriction only hinders his personality.
There is one more thing, but rather, it is a complex and fear of the social opinion of parents. No matter how my child is called poor, he should have everything only the best.

How not to spoil a child?

You want your child to have all the best, so that he does not need anything. Beautifully dressed and tasty food, for many, this is a sign of a good childhood. But don't you think that this is the criterion of happiness for you, and not for the child? After all, initially it does not matter to him how much a toy or stroller costs. Children need to understand what is possible and what is not. Must learn to respect others and their needs. The best thing for a child is not material goods, but your love. Not a fancy PC, but at least once a month you can have a day off on the rides or in the circus. A real man is not a fight on the playground, but an answer for his actions. After all, the day will come when even you will become only a money machine for a child, since for him, apart from himself, there is nothing important in life.

How to re-educate a spoiled child?

Some may say that any restriction is bad for the proper development of the psyche. And that's right. But do not go to extremes. Fulfilling the desires of a screaming child, you only show him that other people's interests should not be taken into account, only what he wants is important. But with the correct formation of personality and building relationships with others, the child must learn to understand the line where his personality ends and the personality of another begins. Saying “no” and “you can” to a child does not harm, but helps in setting certain limits in relationships with others. Only thanks to parents, the child learns to control his emotions, and adequately respond to all the difficulties that he encounters in his life.
You will probably think that it is so difficult to refuse your sweet and beautiful baby. But no! Only when refusing, explain to him why it is impossible and why you did not buy this toy for him. The main thing is not to start everything abruptly, otherwise the child will think that you have stopped loving him. Everything should be gradual. Tell your child that you love him, you are just upset by his actions. He must know that he is still the same for you, just a little confused in his relationship with the world around him.
Don't make the mistake of giving up today and giving up the next time and buying again what you were asked for. Such inconstancy of yours brings down the child. He immediately realizes, it is worth crying a little, and your defense was sleeping again.
Probably, this happened to you, you go into the store and your child starts banging his feet, demanding to buy something. You are shocked by such behavior, you are embarrassed and nothing good comes to mind. In embarrassment, you buy what they demand, so as not to shout and go home, having lost this battle. You should know that to the same tantrums, only at home it’s not far at all. In such a situation, it is better to try to clearly explain that you will only communicate with him when he calms down. Know that no matter how the child behaves, he still controls the situation and watches the reaction of adults. In the end, he will understand that his behavior will not give him anything. The tantrum passes quickly if the parents pretend that they do not care. The behavior of a child always depends on adults, an example of this is that the baby behaves well with his father, but with his mother it is simply unbearable.
If you have difficulty refusing your child, then at least try to delay the response time to his requests. Just don't make this wait too long. He must learn to understand that there are interests of others and this must be taken into account.

How does a spoiled child grow up?

It will be hard for a spoiled child in the future. After all, when he receives everything on demand, he begins to relate to the world as well. Why try if I get everything. Once in adulthood, it is difficult for such children to make friends. Indeed, from childhood they were instilled that they are the best, and then such children are very surprised why others do not appreciate this. Due to their being spoiled by excessive attention from their parents in childhood, such children lose their social feeling and do not know how to take and give in return, which is so necessary in adulthood. They cannot learn and communicate because no one pays attention to them the way they do at home.
Many parents try to explain any bad behavior of the child, give some kind of excuse, and are simply blind from their love. Which in the end can lead to falling into a bad company. After all, in the end, the child grows up and leaves home, and he lacks an understanding of the social norms of behavior in society due to improper upbringing.
Such children do not know how to love and give to others, for them there is nothing important except their own interests, and this cannot end in anything good. Therefore, love your children and indulge, just know the measure and everything will be fine.

Children begin to be capricious after 1 - 1.5 years, because until this age they live by instincts and do not know how to make scenes in order to gain profit. At this age, you should listen to the needs of your baby and try to fulfill them. They want a little: eat, sleep and get the attention of their mother.

From 1.5 - 2 years old, the baby begins to manipulate adults and demand his own at any cost. The main signs of spoiledness: selfishness, disobedience, irresponsibility, lack of independence and bad behavior in public places.

Reasons for spoiled child

The first child, when parents, grandparents and other relatives of the soul do not like him and try to fulfill any whim;
The long-awaited and only child who is difficult to refuse something, and I want to give all the best;
Feelings of guilt of parents, if they do not have enough time for a child, then they shower him with gifts and do not limit anything in order to “buy” love;
Inconsistency between adults, when mom says to go to bed at 22 o'clock, and dad allows you to play until midnight;
Psychological problems of adults who do not know how to refuse and go against someone;
Parents do not want to engage in education - it is easier to succumb to the whim of a child than to endure a tantrum.

There are other reasons, but adults are to blame for almost all of them. Most often, they do not even realize that because of their actions and indulgences, the child can grow up spoiled. And some purposefully raise their baby this way, believing that in this way he will have high self-esteem and he will be able to achieve more in life.

But this is an erroneous point of view, because spoiled children are not ready for real life and in the future they may face problems with communication, achieving goals, and independence. So at the first sign of spoilage, action should be taken.

How to re-educate a spoiled child

Enter the daily routine.
It will be much easier for a child to perform daily activities if they occur in a certain sequence at the same hours. Make a visual sign that the baby can navigate. After a while, it will become a habit and you won’t have to force yourself to brush your teeth in the morning and before bed.
Set rules of conduct.
They should be simple and clear, it is desirable to arrange them visually and hang them in a conspicuous place. Do not immediately set strict boundaries when trying to create the perfect child. To begin with, eliminate pampering and whims. For example, add the item "going to bed at 10 p.m. - penalty: a day without TV" to the list.
Write down punishments for non-compliance with the rules so that the child is clearly aware of the rules and the consequences for breaking them. For good behavior, set a reward - praise, watching a cartoon, or something tasty.
Stick to one mind.
All adults must abide by the rules. The child will not learn to follow them if the grandmother allows him to play longer, and the father buys everything on demand. All conversations and disputes about education should take place in private so that the child does not see them.
Teach patience.
If a child asks for something, do not quit your business in order to fulfill his whim faster. Say that you will wash the dishes now and fulfill his request, but for now you need to wait.
Learn to obey the rules.
During whims, say “no” or “no” in a firm and calm voice. Do not raise your voice and do not succumb to the persuasion of the baby.
At first, it can be painful to see how the child cries and bursts into tears, begging you to meet. But after a while he will realize that this method will not give a result, and will not use it.
Ask for justification.
Ask your child why he needs what he asks for. If he gives good reasons, and you understand that this is not just a whim, you can meet him halfway.
Teach yourself to be independent.
Give your child some household chores that he can do. By doing something useful, the baby will learn to respect the work of others and become more responsible. Gradually give other assignments appropriate to his age.
Talk to your baby more often.
Explain why you can't buy a toy, talk about your childhood, or simply answer his questions. Show your child that you still love him and the new rules have been introduced for his own good.

The main thing - do not get carried away in an attempt to re-educate a spoiled child. Change the baby's living conditions gradually and do not go too far, limiting everything and ceasing to show your love.

After all, adults are primarily to blame for his behavior, so try to soften this period with care and understanding. The process can take a lot of time, but the result is definitely worth it.

From the moment of birth, children need attention and care. Loving parents try to protect their offspring from adversity and problems. Mom, dad pamper the fool, showing love. In some families, they do not notice how small concessions to the firstborn lead to misunderstandings. A spoiled child is the result of a bad upbringing.

Parents make plans for the successful future of the baby. New toys are bought for development. A preschooler goes to the best kindergarten that parents can afford. A prestigious educational institution is chosen for training. Sometimes, behind the desire to provide a son or daughter with all sorts of new products, prestigious things, moms and dads lose their sense of edge.

Children need to be pampered, but a sense of proportion must be observed. You can buy a new toy that the silly child dreams of. An unscheduled purchase of a doll, a car will show your fidget that you remember him, love him. Buying a toy should not be the result of screaming, blackmail, tantrums of a preschooler. Smart parents agree in advance on joint methods of raising their offspring in order to solve the problem of how not to spoil the child.

The outward behavior of a spoiled child causes persistent rejection of others. Loud, heart-rending screams, tears, rolling on the floor, calling parents names - this is an incomplete list of the unpleasant behavior of spoiled children. Often parents themselves cannot understand that their offspring is spoiled, that it is time to take measures to correct the shortcomings of education.

Signs of being spoiled

Small whims, attempts to manipulate significant relatives are quite forgivable for a child of 3-4 years old. In early childhood, the baby tries to establish himself as a person, checks the boundaries of possibilities, desires. With the help of tears, he tries to force his mother to make concessions. The firm position of adults, the timely explanation of the concepts of “no”, “no” helps the baby control his own behavior.

The unwillingness of adults to deal with the validity of the claims of a boy or girl, desires, indulgence in any whims leads to spoilage. A capricious person creates problems for relatives, often becomes an outcast in children's institutions among peers.

Children are not inclined to follow the whims of one of their peers. They do not want to be friends with capricious, hysterical children. Such children are not invited to participate in joint games. They can laugh at capricious kids, call them names. Such an attitude towards whims will not contribute to the socialization of a preschooler, the development of his communication skills. On the contrary, he will refuse to go to kindergarten, throw tantrums at home.

Psychologists note several significant signs of the behavior of a preschooler, indicating spoiledness.

Even the presence of one of these signs is already a serious reason to sound the alarm. The question of how to fix a spoiled child, what to do so that he becomes obedient and well-mannered again, worries many families.

Causes of spoiled kids

They are not born spoiled, adults make such children with their own methods of education.

It's easy enough to spoil someone. It will take a very long time to re-educate. Fathers and mothers who spoil their children unnecessarily limit their labor participation in family affairs, forgive rudeness, hooligan acts, form a consumer attitude to life, to people around them. Growing up, they will experience great difficulties in adulthood.

We re-educate the child and parents

The question of how to re-educate a spoiled child should be addressed in a comprehensive manner, together with the correction of the behavior of adult family members. It is necessary as soon as possible, as soon as signs of a spoiled child are noticed, to correct the behavior of a preschooler.

The sooner mothers and fathers begin to deal with the whims of the little man, the less damage will be done to his psyche. Do not change behavior abruptly so as not to stress the preschooler. If he asks you to immediately turn on the TV or read a fairy tale, ask him to wait until you are free. Let the little one get used to the fact that adults do not run on demand to fulfill his whims.

Spoiled does not go away on its own. You should not expect that the preschooler will understand his wrong behavior, correct himself. A preschool child needs the advice of relatives, their authority. To normalize behavior, adults need to coordinate their efforts, tune in to long, hard work.