Is the real friendship? Fundamentals of this Friendship The essence of this friendship What is true friendship

Why do you need friends and how does our personal success depend on our environment? Who chooses friends- Do we choose us? Why does the most bitter disappointment leave most often exactly close friendship?

To understand the complex plexus of human relationships and reveal the concept of friendship from a very unexpected side will help the permanent expert of the "Club Life" Theologian Fedor Rychinets.

The leading club Life asked Kievlyans, as friends influenced and continue to influence their lives. And that's what they answered:

"For whom I am, I attract such. These are not friends, but my copies, but in another embodiment. "

"I couldn't do anything in my youth, even cooking soup. Married for the military, and the wives of the military were treated as the Belarusians who do not know anything and know nothing. But once he went to visit and saw the wife of the colonel of the racket cakes a tile while her husband watches TV. So I returned home and the herself the flooded floors and covered them with varnish. "

"I have very little friends, but these are proven people. Yes, their opinion affects me, my actions. For example, I entered the Kiev-Mogilyanskaya Academy for the company and do not regret it. "

About Dean from those who answered the leading club Life said that our friends are our mirror reflection. And it is true - we attract yourself similar. Moreover, it seems to me that I first attract differences to you, then they annoy you, and after you begin to adapt to these differences.

In friendship, at first it may seem to you that you are very different people, but, in fact, the more you get acquainted, the more you go through certain experiences - pleasant and not very - the more notice your similarity with your friend. Yes, we mutually influence those who are next to us.

Friend - a man with whom you share something sophisticated. But sharing your secret, you become extreme vulnerablebefore this man. Friendship is a risk. Friendship is not only communication with someone, and sometimes terrible disappointment.

Why is betrayal always borders with friendship? Because they betray not distant people, but close. In this regard, the Bible says that the danger is always near. On the other hand, for what to be friends, if you are closed for people? But if I discover, I understand that I went to risk, not knowing when it can be used against me.

Genuine friendship is friendship that overcame betrayal, No matter how terrible it sounds. And this is one facet of friendship, which is described in the Bible.

The other side of friendship in the Bible is that friend is a person with whom you are ready to divide his weaknesses. When you know about these weaknesses, you specify him on them, but always alone with a friend, never in the presence of others. Because in the presence of other people, you always cover these weaknesses, on the contrary, highlighting the strengths of your friend.

The third line of friendship is that without a friend is very difficult. The Bible says that a friend is the person with whom you share both tears and laughter. And most of all, the Bible says, friendship is not checked in tears, but in a smile. You feel who shares your joy to truly, and who is only a joyful grimace on the face, at the same time thinking about why it was lucky you, not him.

Friendship is a movement in two directions. You can wait a very long time when a potential friend comes to me and says that he wants to be friends. And you can be very deeply upset about this, because it is unlikely to happen. Sometimes perceive loneliness as " i do not notice ". But do I do noticeable?

How to become someone else? You need to be friendly, it means to be open to others, be ready to let the other in your life, be ready to enter someone's life. It is necessary to understand that a friend is a man native to me and close in spirit. It does not play the role of the social status of a person, his religious beliefs, nationality. This is a feeling of relatives of the soul.

I think friendship is a gift from the Most High, who is given to a person to survive all the emotional potential, which contains friendship. But friendship is my choice. That is, I myself choose, as far as I discover, how much I want to be close to one or another person, how much is ready to build a friendship with him. And I choose, if I want to continue to be friends when I hurt, or leave. Or when a friend succeeded, but I am not, then, maybe I should find another friend so that I felt more comfortable? Therefore, friendship is like a gift from over and a personal decision of a person.

Despite the fact that the concept of "friendship" is very complicated, it is found in the life of each of us. Friendship does not have any clear borders, but she has a bunch of elusive nuances and questions. It is difficult to understand that a person wants to be friends with you, but to be friends and understand the other - even more difficult.

Is it possible to measure friendship?

No one man on earth can measure the friendship of another person with an accuracy of 100%. This is simply unreal. Still, in several points you can determine the presence of friendship.
The desire for communication is the very first criterion of a friend in modern society. If a person wants to communicate with us, then we are very often mistaken to write it in "Friends". After all, it may be that it is just a "good friend." Good and even the most close acquaintance expires from some circumstances (school, work, neighborhood) and does not imply great sincere intimacy. However, very often such acquaintance develops into friendship.
You can also not always be called a true friend of a person who constantly calls you and asks to meet and chat. In this case, vigilance should be shown and look at the behavior of the "friend." It may be that this person from you wants something and achieves help from you. That's just when you need help you, he will leave, not even thanking for your participation.

Not such an uncommon today is the use of human kindness and responsiveness.
However, there is its own line - it is not worth calculating the exact number of given and the assistance received. You just have to understand what motives a person uses, communicating with you.
There is another incomprehensibility in "friendly relations". After all, there are people who could only chat, but they will not be able to substitute their shoulder in the critical situation.
But even in this case there are exceptions. For example, childhood friends who can communicate with a maximum of once a year, but still support communication. And why, what do you think? All because of feelings and deep confidence that this person will support again in a difficult moment, as before. Only then friendship will last debt regardless of the circumstances.

What is real friendship based on?

Everyone should understand that friendship, like love, is a good attitude towards near. It is based on mutual understanding, mutual respect, the adoption of the merits and disadvantages of another and desire and the ability to give help to a friend. Only when a person sincerely worries about you and wants to substitute a friendly shoulder, then this is a real friendship. After all, many people communicate with others only because of their ambitions and the desire to get help.

Also, it is not very similar to the sight of the case when a person communicates with you because he has nothing to do. So simple communication will never turn into friendship.

For these criteria, you can determine whether a person is friends or not. Of course, it is very difficult to understand sincerely if you are watering friendship or for the sake of your interests. However, it is not worth checking people. Sometimes it is better to fill the bumps than to offend the feelings of another person because of suspicion. It is advisable to pay attention also to how you feel with your friend, because it is impossible to be closed and embarrassed with your comrade.

Friendship - each of us includes something your personal and intimate concept. Someone does not represent his life without constant communication, and others feel great in solitude. Some have a lot of friends, and the rest are confident that a real friend can be only one.

It can be safely argued that the friendship of people is one of the most tensile concepts in the world. At the same time, it can be absolutely inexplicable from the point of view of common sense. What is real friendship, is it possible between representatives of excellent statics, how to find friends and how to save a trusting relationship? We ask these questions very often. Let's try to find answers on them.

Friendship: what does she represent?

If you look into a sensible dictionary, you can find a simple definition of this phenomenon. Ohzhegov, author of the dictionary, is confident that friendship is a fairly close relationship between people who bind the same interests and general attachments, besides, this connection is based on complete understanding and trust.

Of course, few people make a similar definition, as often we invest in this communication much more, and the real friendship of people is truly amazing relationships. If we speak in the usual language, then a friend is the person who can rely on in any situation that always tells the truth, even if she is bitter. He trust him with their secrets and at the same time we can sleep well, as we are completely sure that no one else knows about them.

It can be bolden to say that a psychologist, a listener, criticism, and can also be replaced by a psychologist, and a large number of ordinary buddies. Friendship of people is beautiful only if both are friends. A friend will never try to change you: it's easy and pleasant to him with you as nature created. You never need to wear a mask, hide your true feelings, and laugh when I want to cry.

Friendship of people: how to look for friends?

You never need to look for friends, as they appear in certain periods of our life. Often it happens in the most unexpected moments when we are absolutely not ready for such surprises, and we do not expect any gifts of fate. Do not forget that the true friendship of people does not accept false, lies and pretenses, which means you have nothing to do, as always to remain themselves. Do not try to like people, crossing through their desires and ignoring personal views.

We all need to understand that at one fine moment our "I" will still open and break out. And it will be great, and often not very pleasant discovery for others. Let people at the first acquaintance know you who are dealing with. It is impossible to make friends with someone in one day, for this you need a little time. At the first conversation, you can only understand: whether a person is interesting to you if you have common hobbies, whether you have in its character and behavior of those qualities that are unacceptable for you.

If communication with a new acquaintance proceeds easily and pleasant, you found a common language, and how it turned out, you have the same hobby, that is, the high probability that in the future you will become real friends. And most importantly, that neither you nor a different person will have to make any effort to do so, everything will happen. You can meet a friend anywhere: at work, walk, in a restaurant or library, at a party to friends, in the store, etc.

Women's friendship: Does she happen?

At all times, for some reason, the concept of women's friendship in many caused a lot of contradictory emotions. Some people are confident that it does not exist at all. In their opinion, women do not know how to be friends, and the connection that they call the loud word "friendship" is actually nothing.

Where is the truth and where did such stereotypes come from? If you dig deeper and try to understand the relationship between the two girlfriends, then from the side, their communication more often looks like a stupid dialogue. They discuss acquaintances, complain about difficulties, the lack of money and others, at first glance, petty problems.

In addition, some men consider women creatures insincere, who will not be able to tell the truth in the face. For example, when they see the dress on a friend, which is full of or hairstyle, which adds a few unnecessary years, then, in extreme cases, will be silent. But most often deceived and say that everything is fine! And how often female friendship ends or even reborn in hatred when a man appears on the horizon, at the same time, both friends like.

In fact, this question can be discussed endlessly. And it is impossible to leave the cases when childhood girlfriends, they supported each other to the old age, fled to help at the earliest necessity and carried their friendship throughout his life. And most importantly, that they were true and are betrayed regardless of whether their disease has suffered, or the spirit captures from suddenly surging love.

So the conclusion here is one - friendship between women is possible. Maybe not every one of us was lucky to meet a real girlfriend, and someone had to be disappointed in it, but it should not be loudly to say that there is no female friendship and cannot be impossible. In this case, it all depends on the person, its inner world, attitudes towards others and needs to communicate.

In no case do not be afraid to make friends, communicate with people, trust them with their secrets, just because of the fact that someone from your friends betrayed or did not understand. Each of us has their own life that no one can live for us, and real friendship and devotees will make it much brighter, lighter and more pleasant!

How do you understand the meaning of the word "friendship"? After all, there is a definition of friendship, which has long been dismantled by philosophers and placed in textbooks. Train - these are personal relationships that are based on sincerity, trust, sympathies, common interests and hobbies.

What is the foundation of friendship?

• One of the first bricks to the foundation of friendship we launch mutual respect, sympathy. That is, we are ready to recognize the fact that this person is "Roven" by some significant parameters for us. We are ready to recognize his interests, do not put forward any requirements to come with a set of moral values \u200b\u200band principles. And we, of course, we expect that we will also show respect, will listen and to give up to something, not seeking to remake.
• The second brick of the founding of friendship is called trust. It is impossible to be friends with those who do not show goodness and decency towards us. Also, a friend should be sincere, otherwise you can never trust him.

• Mandatory for friendly relations the presence of loyalty. This means that we can exchange with any other information and firmly to know that confidentiality will be observed. Although it happens that in some cases the conditions for sharing information with other persons (parents, other relatives) should be specifically specifically.

• We will tell about mutual understanding, because without him, friendship will not work out. We can only be friends when we are aware of the interests, points of view, the principles of the behavior of another person and agree to accept them. To speak as a whole, we must understand the views, close and long goals of a friend. We can communicate verbal unnecessarily to conclude friendly unions of the highest degree of fortress, only if we achieve mutual understanding.

• Such a concept as the commonality of interests and hobbies is associated with friendship. The conversation that "Friendship does not know the ages," just begged in the manifestation of common interests, hobbies. Friendship between old fisherman and boy with a cheap fishing rod possible? Yes, of course, everyone knows. There are many examples when people in a friendly pleasant joining some kind of overall passion. Friendship inside labor collectives is a vivid example of unity based on the generality of interests, but not hobbies. Age does not become an obstacle for such friendship.

• For friendship, such a concept as a value-oriented unity is important, because we pay a lot of attention to the coincidence of estimates of other personalities, events, entertainment and even food. Of course, it is difficult to present a friendship on the basis of attitudes towards dumplings, as to another food, but the rupture of relations due to the inosphection of gastronomic addiction is quite possible. Friendship between vegetarians and meathersteen can not worst.

• Openness We undoubtedly consider the necessary sign of friendship. One who does not hide their convictions, addictions, tend to share thoughts and experiences we can easily call our friend. At the same time, the friend sometimes does not require response, it means that other reasons for friendship are associated.
• Summing by a conversation about friendship, it should be especially noted that the main thing in these interpersonal relations should be considered unfortunately. We do not expect gifts and money from each other, otherwise neither equality or generality does not work. We have been friends all your life since childhood, with youth or at a later age, based on the material, but on the spiritual foundation.

What is real friendship?

In the disclosure of this issue, it should be especially emphasized by the essence of friendship. Its foundation is the commonality of goals and interests, mutual attractiveness, trust and dedication, strength and duration of interpersonal ties.

"Who is not looking for friendship with the neighbor, he is a sworn enemy," said Shota Rustaveli back in the XII century. But now these words have not lost their significance. It is unlikely that there is a person who would not think over the essence of friendship, did not want to have a friend or to be a friend. The need to have a present friend is particularly acute about himself to know in early youth. If a teenager is looking forward to his group, then the young man is striving for individual friendship.

Here the teacher can raise the question: What is true friendship? Summarizing students' responses, teacher it is advisable to cite several definitions that characterize the main aspects of the concept of "friendship". In the Big Soviet Encyclopedia (M., 1972, vol. 8, pp. 1518), friendship is defined as a relationship between people based on mutual attachment, spiritual proximity, community of interests, etc. Almost invominated by specialists in ethics: "Friendship - This is a steady personal attachment between people, which arose on the basis of unity of views, interests and purposes and withstood the time check. " Psychologists celebrate as the most important signs of friendship understanding, empathy, deep emotional attachment.

At all times, friendship in general was considered the highest moral value. However, in different historical conditions, its moral foundations, its social significance, the possibilities for its development were different.

In any class antagonistic society there are a lot of restrictions for the development of friendship. For example, a man who lived in a slavery era, hardly allowed the thought of friendship between free and slaves.

Socialism, eliminating the private property and relationship of domination and subordination, created favorable conditions for the development of friendship. After all, the inequality that existed earlier, hostility between people were a barrier to the emergence of friendship, undermined its foundations.

In the developed socialist society, more and more conditions are created for the development of friendly relations. But this does not mean that in our country, friendship may arise between any people that everyone can be friend.

A good school friendship is a partnership. This question is appropriate here: name the main moral qualities, allowing a person to be a true friend. Students call a number of such qualities. Systematizing and summarizing their answers, the teacher emphasizes that "friendship develops and stronger only at the high moral qualities of people." Marxist ethics emphasizes the significance of such moral requirements as deep mutual interest of affairs and life of each other; Complete confidence in each other, based on honesty and sincerity in words and affairs; Mutual support and assistance in solving difficult tasks of life, especially in trouble and grief, willingness to sacrifice their interests for the sake of helping to a friend; Devotion and loyalty in friendship, combined with full intense; mutual demand that arises from a sense of responsibility for a friend, from concern about him

And another question is student: what human defects are particularly incompatible with friendship? Together with the vices, they can name and disadvantages - quick temper, weakness, forgetfulness, slowness, indecision, etc. It should be emphasized here that these and other such drawbacks should not be a hindrance for friendship. She just should help a person get rid of them. Incompatible with friendship egoism, hypocrisy, falsehood, selflessness, betrayal. It will not bring joy in the friendship of communication a man is chvany, lazy, little, indifferent. Another ancient Roman speaker and philosopher Cicero noticed that "friendship is possible only between honest people ...". Persian poet Saadi argued:

That true friend who will indicate the way
Obstacles will all help pass.
Lytz fees to friends.
That is your true friend who is honest and straight.

And the great German poet Friedrich Schiller wrote: "Trulyrup and brave real friendship." It is appropriate to the teacher here: why do you need a courage to friendship? Students can answer: to achieve the intended goal to overcome the difficulty, testing in friendship. It's right. Another aspect of friendship is extremely important. The French writer Moralist, the author of the collection of Aphorisms "Maxima" Francois Larochetko noticed: "The greatest feat of friendship is not to show the friend our shortcomings, but in order to open his eyes to his own."

Nikolai Ostrovsky spoke very brightly: "Friendship is primarily sincerity, it is a criticism of a comrade mistakes. Friends should be the first to give cruel criticism so that comrade can fix his mistake. " Pay attention to the statement of the ancient Greek thinker of Solon: "Eringe a friend alone, humbly - public." It is appropriate to ask students: "Is there any contradictions between the last two statements?" If students celebrate the presence of a contradiction, you must say the following. At first glance, it seems that Solon's advice is outdated: it is impossible without a single comment that and the matter to praise a friend publicly. Here, definitely, a measure is needed. The words N. A. Ostrovsky "give cruel criticism", too, first seem too sharp. But in them - intolerance for mistakes, a passionate desire to help a friend to fix them. Moreover, such a criticism does not necessarily have to be public. A conversation is alone (this is how it is necessary to do!) It may be fundamental, impartial, but sincere and helpful. All this, as it were, confirms the statement of Walter Scott: "You should not be angry with a friend who wanted to you good, make you wake up from sweet dreams if he did it somewhat stern and rude."

It is impossible, of course, to consider equivalent any kind of friendship, any of its positive motifs. "With all the intimacy of friendly relations, the scale of friendship is determined primarily by the socio-moral value of the activities that friends are devoted, those ideas and interests, on which their union is based."

Friendship carries a huge moral and educational force. She makes a person purposeful, noble, more confident in himself, kinder, humane. Friendship inspires, paints man. Life presents a lot of evidence that many serious failures and even tragedies happened to people because at a difficult moment there was no true friend who could provide the necessary assistance. But even more bright examples of the fact that, thanks to the friendly union of people, amazing discoveries were made, great victories were observed.

This friendship is unthinkable without self-dedication. Disinterested, which does not require any awards, no gifts in response. Recall the old aphorism: "What I gave is yours, which took - lost." "This is how the competition is two for the right to be more kind, cordial, compliant. And here no one loses, both won. " Such a "competition" enriches us, develops humanity in us, makes it possible to feel happy.

Friendship helps to overcome difficulties. If the basis of friendship is the coinciding life delhi, significant ideas, then many and many years often continue. Amazing friendship A. I. Herzen and N. P. Ogarev continued all his life. A. I. Herzen wrote: "... on the Sparrow Mountains, we embraced the face of whole Moscow, gave each other hands to go through life together, and nothing will dismiss our hands. We brought up each other. This is my first feeling - friendship. It gave me his deep soul, from which I could draw a thought, as from the ocean. " The loyalty to each other was strengthened by the loyalty of the noble idea, which they devoted their lives.

The strength of friendship K. Marx and F. Engels was striking. Without exaggeration, it can be said that she continued after the death of K. Marx: the loyalty of friendship helped F. Engels to complete and publish the works of his friend, lead the international revolutionary movement. V. I. Lenin characterizes the friendship of these great people: "European proletariat may say that his science was created by two scientists and fighters whose relationships are superior to all the most touching legends of the ancients about human friendship."

But if friends do not unite socially significant goals and interests, if there is no unity in the views and beliefs, even if there is a mutual personal sympathy, such friendship is at the very first serious life tests can collapse as a card house.

In confirmation of this, the teacher is appropriate to read the excerpt from the "Young Guard" by A. Fadeeva (Coll. Op., Vol. 2, p. 41-42), where with great reliability it is shown how the friendship has collapsed between ULYAN thunder and Filatova shafts because they turned out to be very different people. It was touching their parting. "Some kind of premonition spoke to them that what happens between them is the last time. They not only felt, they knew that they were forgiven in some special mental sense forever. " If possible, it is advisable to hold a brief discussion here, putting questions about students: what was the main weakness of this friendship? Under what conditions the fate of this friendship would be different? Summarizing the view of students, the teacher emphasizes the possibility of serious contradictions between friends, on the need for moral regulation.

Friendship unites people having individual features, various abilities and experience, peculiar temperatures. It may arise contradictions, doubts, collisions. In order not to cause damage to friendship, do not weaken it, you need to timely and correctly regulate the relationship between friends.

"The most important standards regulating the relationship of friendship are:

• - mutual demanding to each other, intolerance to disadvantages and promoting them;
• - honesty, sincerity and mutual trust, deep (mutual) interest in concerns and other things;
• - mutual support and assistance in solving difficult vital problems;
• - Devotion and loyalty to friendship, selflessness, willingness to take on any weight of concerns, if they are not under the power of a friend. "

Naturally, friends should be prepared to perform these norms, should be able to do it delicately, respectful. The basis of such relations is a constant desire to help a friend become smarter, cultural, stronger, help overcome the shortcomings.

If the relationship between people is not based on these provisions, they cannot be considered friendly. The justification of the shortcomings of a loved one, undemanding to him, praising imaginary merit - signs of falsehold. No wonder the folk wisdom says: "Not the one who is poting, and the one who helps," "is bullied, a friend is arguing." FLZHEDRUZHBA does not bring real benefit or personality or society. True, sometimes it creates the illusion of mutual benefits. But such a benefit is temporary, speculative in nature and ultimately brings harm.

It is noteworthy that real friendship is strictly selective. Trusted friends in a person a little. K. Marx wrote: "... I am coming into friendship with very few, but I will rush it."

Naturally, friendship arises not by chance and develops in its laws. All this is clearly manifested in youthful.