Friendship after love and relationship with a man: is it possible. Friendship after love: a difficult relationship Is there friendship after love

20.06.2020

I actually wanted to write an article about this for a long time, but, to be honest, for some reason I forgot.

Any relationship can end with two things: going to the altar and parting. In the first case, everything is clear (what can be incomprehensible here?), And in the second? Quite often, couples try to remain friends, but 95 percent of the time, this is a broken promise and a relationship that, with a decent stretch, can be considered friendly rather than friendly.

Why is it so difficult and what happens to people after a breakup? First, I'll try to list the main reasons people try to be friends.

1. They have many common themes. Shared memories, interests, people want to experience it all over and over again. But personal grievances quickly cancel out the desire to communicate. And you won't be full of topics alone.

2. It should be so. You are decent people, and decent people remain friends.

3. The desire to keep a person close and jealous.

4. It is convenient, no need to change the old circle of friends.

And a number of similar reasons

But we can only tell you with certainty that it’s not worth communicating with your ex (we do not mean your wife with whom you have common children) and it will not work at all.

So why is that?

Have you seen each other naked

You think that this is a completely meaningless reason, you never know who saw you naked! And how many of these people had sex with you?
It is extremely difficult to get back to normal relations with the person you saw naked. It was already a different level of relationship, and friendship and companionship was a completely different matter.
You saw her breasts up close, you know what her ass looks like and if there is cellulite on it. You know how she smells, and most importantly, how she behaves in sex. And you can easily deny it all? The more sensitive you are, the less likely you are to "remain friends."

You cannot trust each other

Friendship requires trust. At least a little. Someone has deceived or deceived someone. Hell yeah, you can't even tell your ex about what's going on right now. After all, you can have a new girlfriend, every mention of which will hurt your ex's self-esteem ("She's probably better! Look at the photos, how he smiles happily. Someone cooler than me!"). And that's disgusting, isn't it?

One side will always have grievances or reproaches

No, there is no end to a relationship without bitterness and mutual reproaches. After all, for some reason, you broke up? Ah, tired? So the reason for the reproach will be the simplest - you were unbearably boring, did not pay attention. Even if a lot of time has passed (do you still communicate after that ?!), the girl has already forgotten the offense, but she simply remembers that you are boring. And you can't be trusted.

Jealousy

Even if you both found a new love of your life, it's a shame that the old one found someone better than you and no longer belongs to you. We may not be aware of this with the mind, but it will press on us at a subconscious level. You can not calmly watch as the former found her new love. Even if a lot of time has passed. It is unpleasant. The following nonsense is also used: you sincerely do not wish your ex-girlfriend love. You want your relationship to be something special, so that over the years she would say, “Only with Vovchik I had trouble, I won't love anyone else like that.” But this is extremely rare. More often than not, then love and more. And more than once. And if a personal resentment comes into play, then no matter how you pretend to be a tolerant pepper and no matter how you deny it, you sincerely do not want her personal happiness. Careers, goodies, lose weight - please, personal - alas, no.

There may still be passion between you

Unless, of course, her absence was the reason for the breakup. There was some kind of chemistry between you, right? You turned on each other, so why not repeat it in another goodbye sex? Oh yes, goodbye sex ... I do not recommend that you do this, you do not want to feel all the bitterness of parting again?

Permanent reminder

The former interfere with going forward. They slow you down and bring you back to the mistakes of the past. The easiest way to stay friends is to each other, and the best way to forgive is to forget. Then a few years later you, who met by chance somewhere, can say “Hello” to each other without embarrassment. The constant presence of your ex in contacts prevents you from going further, meeting new people and getting something new.

Ideally, you are like adults, you have forgiven and forgotten everything, but the reason for the separation remains, do you remember it? Be adults - do not build castles in the air, because together with pleasant memories there is jealousy, bitterness, guilt ,. And how do you become friends after that?

Ask yourself the simplest question: "Why?"

To cherish relationships, of course, is an indicator of a wide soul, but why do you need extra relationships with extra people? And are you sure you really have "friendship"?

Once you had a relationship, but for some reason it did not work out. And here the notorious phrase sounds: "we will remain friends." Is this a veiled designation of a complete break, or is friendship between former lovers really possible in principle? And what could such a situation be fraught with? The comments are given by the psychologist Marina Vozchikova.

If after parting no one is greatly offended, then why not be friends?

Indeed, often at the end of a relationship, one of the couple - a boy or a girl - suggests: "Let's stay friends," says the specialist. - But this does not always mean the intention to be friends. More often than not, we simply do not want to offend a person by refusing to communicate with him. And for a real friendship to arise, a number of conditions are necessary.

First of all, you should not be so offended with each other that you avoid communication. Often we understand that a person is not so bad, he just does not suit us for living together - not that character, there are no obligatory qualities that we would like to see in our boyfriend, there are annoying traits, and so on. But as a friend or friend, the guy suits us perfectly.

Friendship between a guy and a girl arises when they have something in common. Some hobbies, views on life, maybe joint work or territorial proximity. If at least one of these conditions is met, then there is a chance that the offer to "remain friends" will not remain an empty phrase.

What's good about being with an ex-boyfriend

What are the pros and cons of this after-love friendship?

There are many positive aspects of such a relationship.

First, during the period while you were a couple, a certain emotional closeness and understanding arose between you. In other words, it is easier for you to find a common language with each other.

Secondly, you know each other's strengths and weaknesses well, so you know how to behave with each other, what to expect, and you can give or receive good advice from your ex-partner in any given situation.

Third, the fact that you once had an intimate relationship makes your communication more open. There are also couples who remain friends who continue to periodically engage in sexual relations simply because they are pleased with each other and without a hint of a return to the past.

What are the disadvantages of being friends with an ex-boyfriend

But in such a friendship there are also many pitfalls.

Firstly, if one of the couple still has feelings for the former partner, then friendly relations can become torment for him. After all, a former lover may already be building new relationships with someone else, and you still count on something ... It is not easy for you to regularly see him, communicate with him and at the same time know that he no longer belongs to you ... place seemingly unreasonable scenes of jealousy, inappropriate actions and so on.

Secondly, a romance that has grown into a friendship can seriously interfere with a new relationship. It happens that an ex-boyfriend rushes between an old friend and a new passion, feeling guilt before both, while both ladies are desperately jealous of him for each other ...

Thirdly, it is difficult for you to discuss your personal life with a friend who was once your lover, which would not be difficult if you never had an affair. For example, you may not know how to tell him that you are already in a relationship with someone else.

So is it really worth maintaining a friendship with your "ex" at all? Here are the recommendations of the psychologist Marina Vozchikova.

Tips for dealing with an ex-boyfriend who suggested friendship

Before inviting you to stay friends, consider whether you need it.

You should not try to maintain friendly relations if you still have feelings for this guy, but he does not have for you. It will hurt you.

You should be wary of agreeing to befriend a guy who still has feelings for you if you don't reciprocate. This can put you in an awkward position over time.

Do not abuse your "friendly rights" if your former lover has a new partner. She will probably not be happy if you constantly annoy her boyfriend with various requests - for example, to help you with repairs or to take you somewhere in your car.

Also, don't spend too much time with your ex if you have a new one.

If you decide to invite your ex-boyfriend to visit, and he already has a new lover, invite them together, otherwise there will inevitably be problems.

Try not to talk to your ex about your previous relationship. Also, do not discuss them with his new girlfriend or your new chosen one. What happened is gone!

First, let's clarify what is called friendship. Friendship is a type of relationship between people, which implies the presence of common interests and hobbies, based on mutual trust.

As you can see, friendship does not imply a sexual connection, even in the past tense. However, an increasing number of couples feel that they are parting as civilized people if they are still aware of their ex-partner's personal affairs and can call him at night for advice. And this means that there are still situations when lovers become friends. Let's take a look at them.

Former friends. The scheme is simple: from friends to lovers, from lovers to friends. If you were once friends - do not spill water, and then a spark suddenly flashed between you, then why not revive your old friendship if the relationship did not work out? A very real development of events, provided that the separation did not bring suffering to any of the couple.

Circumstances are against you. It's normal to befriend your ex if the circumstances under which you broke up were against you. For example, the intrigues of relatives, long trips, the presence of a family with a loved one and other reasons, having weighed which, you both understood - you will not be together. Of course, true love will endure a lot, but if two people decide that it is wiser to part, and you don’t want to lose a person, then friendship is the most suitable option for a relationship for you.

Friendly sex. If you had an accidental intimate relationship with one of your acquaintances, but then both of you realized that nothing but this night could bind you, then good friendships based on a common little secret may well develop. Friendship is far from here, but you are unlikely to remain strangers.

The presence of children. Friendship, or rather constant and rather confidential communication, is possible between former spouses, if they have children from that marriage. Who knows a man better than a mother? Of course, his first wife! And this knowledge can no longer be erased with an eraser, because over the years of their life together, they have experienced a lot. If the father wants to communicate with the child, then he comes to him on weekends, solves financial issues with his ex-wife and probably often acts as the main adviser in her life. Well, "for old friendships."

"You are not my friend anymore!"

Friendship with an ex-lover is very rare and difficult work. Despite the fashion to remain friends with a former young man, according to statistics, most girls adhere to the rule "out of sight, out of mind." And rightly so, because a real, trusting and full-fledged friendship between two former lovers will never work. The point is that you know too much about each other, and not only good things. This can interfere with the development of sincere friendships.

Friendship will not work even if the man from the couple is still in love and consoles himself with the hope of reviving the love relationship. As a rule, the "sufferer" is ready to pose as a best friend, be a vest and even listen to stories about the new passion of the object of his suffering, so as not to lose that single thread connecting him with his former love.

Friendship is also impossible if you are already married, and your former loved one is still lonely and is in search of happiness. It is unlikely that your newly-made spouse will like this alignment, and bringing confusion to your family for the sake of a ghostly friendship with your ex is a dubious pleasure.

Leaving you need to leave. Memories will never leave you, feelings tend to fade away and be reborn, and you can commit too many rash acts during this time. Even Remarque wrote: “... Love is not stained with friendship. The end is the end. "

Perhaps you should trust the classics? He knew exactly what he was talking about ...

Both women and men often think about how to behave with their soulmate after a separation or divorce. Many are tearing ends, discussing behind the eyes, trying in every possible way to prick the once greatest love of their life. However, you can avoid nasty things in the direction of the former chosen one or the chosen one and maintain a warm relationship with him.

Pros of Friendship Between Exes

Friendship between former lovers can be quite sincere if you forgive all mistakes and bury the ax of war. If you want to be friends with your former love, then you can even find some advantages of such a relationship:

Closeness and understanding... During the time that you were together, you could perfectly study the habits of your partner, his views on many things, accept some of the shortcomings. The former love will be especially insightful to your mental suffering, so you can safely call him in the middle of the night and speak out from the bottom of your heart, having received good support.
Request for advice... If you are completely confused and cannot find a way out of this or that situation, your ex-partner will be able to give you one hundred percent good advice, because he perfectly understands what to expect from you.
Intimate relationship... If after breaking up you can't find your new love, you can sometimes have sexual intercourse with your ex-lover, because he has studied your body perfectly and knows all the sensory points. The main thing is not to cross the line, because often couples begin to take a step towards a truce after such tempting and piquant meetings.

Cons of friendship between ex

Friendship with an ex is, of course, wonderful - complete mutual understanding, support, warm relations and harmony, which is so lacking in a love relationship. You will no longer tolerate endless reproaches, scenes of jealousy, because obligations are no longer your strong point!

However, is there any friendship between the ex? To answer this question, it is worth, first of all, to think about how much you value the person with whom you were in a close relationship?

You may not be able to perceive him as a friend or friend with whom you can see over a glass of sparkling wine and for the first time in a long time not hint at a passionate night and not even take his hand. If the ex wants to be friends, but you just can't accept him in this role, it is better to refuse communication altogether, because otherwise a huge number of disadvantages will emerge:

But the feelings remained! Perhaps you cannot forget these wonderful moments when you went to the cinema together, walked by the hand in the park, smiled at small children and chose names for your future fidgets ...
There is another case - your partner has warm feelings and expects to return, but you are already completely burned out. In this case, it is worth cutting off all the ends, because otherwise you can not only hurt your former lover, but also completely destroy the warm relationship.
A hindrance to new relationships. If you were able to find a new love, and the old one does not give rest and life at all, constantly causing new quarrels and scandals, weigh the pros and cons. Is it worth giving up happiness in the present, for the sake of a dubious past? Unfortunately, a huge number of couples, according to numerous statistics, break up due to the fact that one of the partners cannot break off the relationship with his old love. Allow yourself to be happy, because it is not for nothing that it is said: "Whoever remembers the old will be out of sight." Only here the matter is even more complicated - it concerns love.
You will not be able to discuss your personal life. You probably won't be able to ask your ex-partner for advice on true love. A jealousy that has come from somewhere will immediately surface, which will only cause uncomfortable moments.

Does such a friendship really exist?

Unfortunately, most often the phrase “let's stay friends” is pronounced only in order not to offend a partner. However, many former lovers view her as a hint that it is still possible to return. Why give a once beloved person false hopes, especially if he still cannot forget those wonderful moments when you were together?

Friendship with an ex can give not only a sea of pleasant emotions and impressions, because a young man or a girl in a new role is very tempting! But do not forget that this is also a great pain that can be inflicted not only on yourself, but also on your partner. First of all, it is worth answering the question, is there any friendship between the ex in your particular case? In order to maintain a warm relationship that does not grow into something more, it is necessary:

Good to part... If you have no grudge against your former loved one, you can try to move with him to the next level - friendship. The absence of irritation and resentment is a great chance that you will be able to maintain friendly communication that does not flow into love. A few weeks of passionate relationship - and you will again come to the same thing that was the reason for the breakup.
To have something in common. Perhaps you are bound by the same preferences in music, or you are madly in love with one author, whose books you devote a huge amount of time. It is common interests that can contribute to good friendships!
New second halves... Oddly enough, but you will have a better chance of maintaining friendship with your former lover if your heart has long been occupied with a new love. The main thing is that the ex is similarly passionate about other relationships.

How to maintain a normal relationship?

How often do partings occur that lead to mutual hatred ... At the sight of a former lover, you can tremble with irritation and blush from anger, because he caused innumerable amounts of pain and resentment. After such a breakup, the friendship between ex-boyfriend and girlfriend seems like a fantastic phenomenon that only happens in fairy tales.

However, despite the prejudices and outbursts of rage, you can maintain a normal relationship! Women manage to maintain good relations not only with their lovers, but also to be friends with ex-husbands.

So how do you behave when “love has passed - the tomatoes have wilted”, and you live in the same city or even on the same street:

Try not to get depressed after breaking up.... Even if you are abandoned, never dare to plunge into the hopeless abyss of suffering. Get busy right away, find a new hobby that will take up a huge amount of your time. Only when you can love yourself, you can easily say an indifferent "Hello!" your former love, who may have hurt you a lot and broke your heart.
Don't answer hints... Even if your ex-second half will hint at meetings and re-flared feelings - do not go astray if you have already decided everything for yourself. Refuse to meet, finding good reasons, and after a while the young man or ex-girlfriend will calm down their ardor a little. The main thing is to decide exactly for yourself - whether you want to completely break the ends.
Don't discuss your ex-love behind your eyes.... You should not shout at every corner about the shortcomings of your old partner, because you yourself chose him! Not only will this cause some inconvenience to your former lover, but you will also show yourself not on your best side, pushing people away from you.

Many have heard the sacramental phrase at parting: "Let's stay friends." What is it - a real desire to maintain friendly relations or an attempt to put a good face on a bad game? Is it possible to remain friends after breaking up?

In fact, it is difficult to give an unequivocal answer to the question of whether it is possible to remain friends after the end of a love relationship. Much depends on why exactly you are offered (or you are offering) to maintain friendly relations. There are some of the most common options:

some of the partners still have feelings, and he hopes that maintaining friendly relations will help to return everything as it was;
one of the partners (or both) just want to create the appearance of external well-being in order to show others that they parted as civilized people;
both partners value each other and really want to continue their friendship.

In the first two cases, you are unlikely to be able to remain friends - it will only be an appearance of friendship, not real friendship. But in the third case, there is every chance: contrary to the widespread stereotype, it is quite possible, and often the best friends come from those who have had romantic relationships with each other in the past.

However, to remain friends after breaking up, you need to. If someone leaves alone, you are unlikely to be able to maintain friendly relations.... Here, perhaps, perhaps, "friendship out of pity", when one of the partners continues to love, and the second offers him friendship. Most likely, it will take a very long time before ex-lovers can communicate as friends, if such a moment comes at all.

But if the decision to break up was balanced and mutual, without scandals, mutual reproaches, division of property and children, then the death of love may well mean the birth of a new friendship (or the revival of an old one, if you were friends before you started dating). In this case, it is important to explain yourself before parting. so that there are no misunderstandings between you.

The main thing is to remember that the past must remain in the past.... And this applies not only to your relationship with each other, but also to communication with mutual friends. There is no need to gossip with your friends, devoting them to the details of your relationship, which has passed into a new quality: in the end, this only applies to the two of you. Even if those around you think that there can be no friendship between you, there is no need to try to convince them. Let them think what they want.

Keep in mind, however, that being friends with someone who was your romantic affection can get in the way of your personal life. Many people think that friendships are impossible. And this means that perhaps you will have to face jealousy from your new soulmate... An unpleasant situation, agree.

In this case, most likely, you will have to make a choice and decide what is more important to you: a friend ("former") or your new love. This does not mean that you have to completely sacrifice friendship. It's just important to prioritize correctly.: after all, there can be many friends, but a loved one (in the overwhelming majority of cases) is only one, so he will always come first.

So, if you are interested in whether it is possible to remain friends after parting, then we hasten to please you: you can! But friendship is not born by magic. Friendships, like any others, need to be worked on. It is important to make sure that you do not have romantic feelings for each other, and leave all grudges in the past.... Then, perhaps, that very strong and disinterested friendship will be born that only former lovers have.