The main thing is to love or be loved. What is more important - to love or to be loved? What does it mean to love? Pros and cons of one-sided love

29.06.2020

There is a strong opinion that there is always someone in a pair one loves more, and the other just lets himself be loved.

The assertion is controversial, and if you analyze it in detail, it turns out that such a distribution of feelings is quite beneficial to each of the partners.

Indeed, there are people who hard to accept equality: they do not know how to accept and give equally, their resource can only work in one direction.

For example, these people revel in their love for the object of adoration, and reciprocity is not the most valuable criterion for them... So which is better: to love or to be loved? Find out the expert opinion.

How to let go of the person you love? will help you!

The psychology of one-sided feelings

Healthy relationships are easy to define.- I love, he loves me, I want to make my partner happy, he wants to make me happy.

Quite understandable and reasonable equality, which, however, does not always occur.

At least every second person experiences various problems on the neurotic spectrum... And the higher the level of development of society, the more of these problems.

There are many people out there who don't know how to be in a healthy relationship. They have not seen examples of such understanding and acceptance, or they once received an important emphasis on something else, and now they have been looking for the same emotions all their lives.

For them, the inequality of love is a value in itself. Their position “I love, but I do not” turns into a goal, an obsession, a meaning. Conquering your partner, constantly looking for new forms of demonstrating your love becomes meaning.

Many people, to put it simply, love themselves in this suffering, quest, conquest... They like to be around someone who does not fully become their person. It keeps them in some tension, gives their own life some kind of spice.

This keeps the lover in constant tone, which for many people is a necessary maintenance of the “fire of life”. In a word, one-sided love for a person is not a forced suffering, a given, but a completely conscious choice.

Love or allow yourself to be loved? Which strategy is correct? Psychologist's opinion:

How to distinguish love from falling in love? find out right now.

Why doesn't a person need reciprocity?

Does one always love in a relationship, and the other allows himself to be loved?

There is a valuable note here: a huge number of people strive not for, but for an ideal marital relationship.

It would seem that this is the same thing - but no, there is sometimes a whole chasm between these two concepts.

Judge for yourself: ideal family relationships for many include a clear distribution of responsibilities, and adherence to certain orders, and the absence of quarrels, and, figuratively speaking, the smoothness of family life. What does this have to do with love?

Love is living and changing substance... enthusiasm and knowledge of each other is replaced by grinding, the value of new qualities in each other, recognition of partners in new social roles.

First, you are a man and a woman who are just dating. Then you live together, everyday life interferes with the relationship. Then you are husband and wife, you find each other in new roles. Then you are parents, etc.

The process of recognition and acceptance cannot be smooth... A living organism changes, grows, passes some obstacles. Loving people can quarrel, but healthy love is the desire to protect another from suffering.

Frequent quarrels are a love of quarrels and dependence on them, and not an indicator of the high passions of people who are ardently in love.

If you think that you love, and the other only allows himself to be loved, this is not a love story at all.

Remember, in a healthy relationship, in true love:

both of you strive to make each other happier;
you both care about each other;
both of you need expressions of your love;
both of you are waiting for reciprocal feelings and accept them.

What is the contradiction? And it is that, due to your characteristics and expectations, you can regard the actions of the other person in a couple as insufficient.

Here is the wife thinks:“Yes, I have time for him - and clean, and cook, and take the children from the garden, and my cleanliness, and order. And he comes home from work, ate and just washed the dishes. I love him more! "

Tell me, was there an initial agreement in this couple: how to express the volume of your love? Most likely not, very few people actually discuss it. Often times, the husband accepts his wife's care, but his concern does not show up in the “do more” competition.

He came, ate, from the front of the work he saw only unwashed dishes (and the rest of the wife really managed to do everything herself), he washed them. And she sits, takes offense. What do we have to do? Talk... And not give your expectations to another person.

Admire the ideal or be it?

Why is it important for some to know that they love you, while for others it is important to love yourself?

One very popular Russian singer for many years, both in his own work, and in a more traditional way talks about his unearthly, enduring love to another very popular Russian singer.

it part of his image and probably part of his nature... The most interesting thing is that reciprocity is not primary for this person. He revels in his own love, and its inseparability gives a special color to his feelings.

It is very easy to love the ideal. He cannot disappoint, he is always constant, he was invented by us ourselves at our own requests. This is love that always burns, it is immune to disappointment. In short, this is a very beneficial feeling.

Reverse history- a person cannot live without the feeling that he is madly loved. Moreover, it is not so important who loves. The main thing is that he constantly feels someone's insane dependence on him.

Such people often collect fans or female fans, and constantly "monitor" the degree of love, the quality of attachment. There are several reasons for this: internal complexes eating a person from the inside, “sagging” self-sufficiency, hypertrophied egocentrism.

Loving yourself: pros and cons

Through love, man knows himself. Both negative and positive traits are revealed through the way a person loves.

That's why the main plus of love that does not require reciprocity, this is an opportunity to understand - that you are yourself.

Are you capable of disinterestedness, deed, constancy. Sometimes it turns out that before the emergence of the first strong love, a person does not understand himself and does not realize who he is.

pros if you love yourself:

A person is happy in love - it inspires, it creates meanings, it makes your life more interesting and brighter, no matter how trite it sounds.
You learn to love - you do not tolerate someone's feelings, perhaps stifling you, but grope for your manifestations of love.

A rare person regrets that he once loved. But often people regret that they loved those who did not respect them initially.

it from a series of unhealthy relationships, which are not worth worrying about even because of the experience.

Being loved: advantages and disadvantages

And this too self-knowledge.

You can look at yourself: how you respond to the feelings of another person, it makes you happy or worried, nourishes or takes away energy.

Because this undoubted plus of one-sided love if they love you. Finally, many people themselves are capable of strong feelings only in response to someone's love.

They can fall in love out of gratitude, and that could very well be a happy story. It is the confidence that you give your heart to someone who appreciates and adores you.

Minus non-reciprocal love is dissatisfaction. Many people feel awkward because they cannot reciprocate with a lover. They feel indebted to him, and often enter into a relationship out of a sense of duty.

But a reciprocal attitude cannot be achieved. And these are already destructive processes within oneself, again, nothing good comes from such an imbalance.

What is more important - to love or to be loved? What does reciprocity depend on? You will learn the answers to these questions from the video:

What if you fell in love with a teacher? Find out about it from ours.

How to behave in a relationship where you love? You don't need to strive for visually perfect relationships., but to true love.

This story is about feelings that will not be inferior if you do not show them on social networks, if you do not look for the visible for yourself.

If you love:

Try to be honest and objective. It is very important to understand whether you love this person, or your ideal image, which you have so successfully tried on for him.
Think about what you are missing in a relationship. If the first thing you think about is reciprocity, then you are ready for healthy and true love. But if the answers are passions, adventures, changes in oneself (from the series "I'm not good enough for the object of my love"), then you are dependent on a painful relationship. You need to work on yourself and put everything in its place.
The famous psychologist Mikhail Labkovsky emphasizes in his speeches - don't waste yourself on someone who doesn't respect you... And if he didn't respect you from the start, then you didn't have to start a relationship at all.

Probably everyone had non-reciprocal stories. The question is whether you are "addicted" to them or have drawn other conclusions in favor of maintaining a stable psyche.

And only with a stable psyche can you count on a happy and long-term relationship.

Beloved

How to behave in a relationship where you are loved? To begin with, is it worth entering into this relationship at all?

Before agreeing to them, think why are you doing this.

What is the true rationale behind such consent. If this is a feeling of gratitude, then it should be very strong, and not only stand on your complexes. Relationships cannot start with the message “what if no one else loves”.

If they love you:

Evaluate soberly the chances of how real the reciprocal love is. If this is not your person at all, but I will try, be prepared for a path full of disappointments for both.
Try to understand what the person is guided by. If this is a quiet and delicate love, it makes sense to take a closer look at this person, but if this is an exhausting, destructive feeling, and your potential partner artificially inflates the situation of suffering and sadness, it may not be about you and not the desire to love and care for you. You are just a convenient pawn in a game tied to your own neurosis.
It so happens that a person just not ready for a new relationship. You cannot accept the love of another until your heart, brain, soul have left the past in the past. Sometimes timing is the best you can choose.

A painful relationship is the road to an oncologist and a cardiologist in the future. Psychologists are sure of this, and it is not worth checking the accuracy of the statement.

If a person smothers you with his love, and says that you are replacing the whole world to him, think about whether he has his own world at all? Sometimes a person simply fills his emptiness with painful love.

In a normal relationship, everything is simple. You know immediately who you are.

And love each other not good, but what they are... It is worth understanding this before you gave birth to children, acquired common real estate.

Love requires no sacrifice. Just like beauty does not require sacrifice. As well as health, they also do not require them (ill health already requires sacrifices). Choose yourself in everything.

This does not apply to selfishness, it is the reason for the priority of a healthy psyche is always... And it is possible with a balance, when you yourself give, and you yourself receive. This is the only way to achieve the integrity of the relationship.

How to get rid of love addiction? you will find on our website.

What is better for a woman - to love herself or to be loved? Expert opinion:

Love is one of the few human values that he still cherishes. Remembering the words of F.M. Dostoevsky, I believe that love will save the world. The theme of love has always been addressed by both Russian and foreign writers and poets. It is worth remembering Shakespeare and his heroes Romeo and Juliet, Colin McCullough, who showed the love of the priest Ralph de Bricassart and the simple girl Maggie, Margaret Mitchell with an incredible love story during the American Civil War. Continued to write about love and Russian writers, among which we know Tolstoy ("War and Peace"), Kuprin ("Garnet Bracelet"), Turgenev ("Asya"), Goncharov ("Oblomov") and many others. In their works, authors often raise the question: what is more important: to love or to be loved?
Love should inspire, improve a person. The words of EI Sikirich are beautiful: "People who love each other do not dissolve in each other, and do not lose their individuality; they are two columns supporting the roof of one temple." The hero of the work "Crime and Punishment" Sonia Marmeladova and Rodion Raskolnikov prove the correctness of these words. Raskolnikov, as a result of the stupidity he committed, had a chance to go through terrible suffering and pangs of conscience, which entailed a struggle with himself. Who knows, he would have been able to cope with all the difficulties if not for Sonya's love, which revived him to a new life. On the other hand, Raskolnikov himself became a lifeline for Sonya, who had lost herself. Later we see how this desire to help someone in need grew into love. It is mutual love that is capable of much: to help find oneself both to the one who loves and to the one who is loved.
"Who said that there is no real, eternal, faithful love in the world? Let the liar cut off his vile tongue!" Bulgakov, as a true connoisseur of human nature, managed to combine in his work "The Master and Margarita" the opposition of evil and good and the story of true love. How insignificant the little things of a man's life seem when he loves! Margarita is not worried about the feelings of her husband, a well-established life, she does not stop at anything, because her ultimate goal will be a meeting with her beloved. The heroine is not afraid of the deal with Satan himself: for the sake of love, it is not scary to sell your soul. In the finale, the heroes of the novel were rewarded for suffering and sent to eternal rest, which gave them the opportunity to find each other forever.
Consider an example of non-mutual love that has not received a response from another person. Zheltkov, the protagonist of the story "The Pomegranate Bracelet", fell in love, alas, with the already married Vera Nikolaevna. How cruel love is sometimes: the amount of happiness is proportional to the amount of suffering. Love helped the telegraph operator live, nourished his spiritual strength, and having received a refusal, he lost the object of his love and I can no longer live in this world. Therefore, it is rash to say that it is not necessary to be loved for happiness, but to love yourself.
I myself have not yet loved, but I really want to surrender to this feeling. Every girl dreams of beautiful, fabulous love, of hearing Zheltkov's words from her beloved one day: "Hallowed be thy name!" I came to the conclusion that it is more important to love and be loved, these concepts cannot be separated, because only thanks to mutual love a person finds happiness.

Each of us knows at least one married couple, where the husband loves, and the wife allows you to love, or vice versa, the wife loves, and the husband is indifferent to her. Seeing them, you involuntarily wonder what is better: to love or to be loved?

At a young age, we all dream of love and we want our love to be mutual. Having met our first love, we are often in a situation of uncertainty. We are afraid that our love will be unrequited and we are in no hurry to confess our love so as not to be rejected. Uncertainty kindles passion and a moment comes when we can no longer imagine life without a loved one.

The more we love a man, the faster he begins to pay less attention to us. And we perceive this as cooling and intensify courtship: we try to be more attractive, call him and send messages several times a day, looking for a meeting with our beloved. And he only moves away, believes that he is under pressure, and begins to meet with another. So many women lose their first love and all their lives think that only she was real. Years later, they marry another man who loves her, but they have no confidence that she herself loves him.

They try with all their might to suppress the one that the husband shows them or think that he should feel happy and please her in everything because she agreed to be with him. That awkward state when a man loves you, and you do not feel reciprocal feelings towards him, is familiar to many women. It’s both hard because it’s draining emotionally, and flattering because it raises self-esteem.

When mental maturity comes, a woman begins to understand how important it is to have a person next to you who truly loves you. With age, the relationship enters a calmer stage. The fact that she herself does not feel the same deep feelings for her husband, a mature woman already looks more calmly. She understands that in life it is much more important to meet a person who loves her very much, who always tries to surround her with attention and care.

She gladly allows herself to be loved, without experiencing a reciprocal feeling, but grateful to him in the depths of her soul. She is pleased when her husband gives her gifts, travels with her and takes care when she is unwell. Manipulating her husband, she has absolutely no remorse for playing with other people's feelings.

After all, living with a man who loves you, but you do not, is even easier. The woman does not feel obligated, does not feel jealous and only enjoys the fruits of his love. Of course, she does not experience any happiness at the same time, because when you love yourself, the world around you seems so beautiful only because your loved one lives in it, from the light touch of which your heart is ready to jump out.

Without love, a man does not seem like a pleasant person to communicate, and his desire to deliver some kind of pleasure often causes hostility. The first thing you want to do when you live with an unloved man is to get rid of the feeling of guilt in front of him. When the irritation becomes unbearable, you want to leave your husband in order to finally feel relief.

However, you should not draw quick conclusions if your husband loves you and you do not. If you are not sure that your life will be better without it, try changing your behavior. Do not sort things out, do not put pressure on him and do not demand too much from him.

Also, be the first to get closer to your husband. Tell a loved one about how your day went, and ask what he did in your absence. It is very important that he feels needed and more confident. If you learn to befriend your husband again - sharing secrets and fears, exchanging news, and solving problems together - you may be able to reciprocate. Then you can try to go further - start showing signs of love yourself. For example, have a romantic candlelit dinner or give him a massage before bed. If a man believes that you love him, he will calm down and stop being intrusive.

If you yourself love your husband, but do not feel reciprocity on his part, urgently put things in order in your life. Stop ingratiating obsequious behavior in a relationship with a loved one, be independent. The best way to make your husband fall in love with you is not to be afraid that he will leave you. Remember what joy brought you before meeting him? Do something new: learn to make your own living and become independent from him, learn to drive a car or learn a foreign language.

At the same time, do not stop communicating with your husband and always smile. Tell him about problems and successes, fears and funny experiences. If he does not notice such changes in your behavior and remains indifferent to you, then it is better to disperse for a while in order to calm down and have a serious talk after a while. Gradually, harmony will be restored and he will understand that he cannot find anyone better than you.

So which is better: to love or to be loved? In our opinion, to be happy one must both love and be loved. Only when "or" is replaced by "and", you can build a harmonious happy relationship. At the same time, it is important to know that even the happiest unions have difficult periods in life, ups and downs, when the favorite qualities of the second half are forgotten and doubts arise about the value of the relationship. The main thing that distinguishes happy relationships is patience. Partners control their emotions and avoid extreme decisions.

What is better to love or be loved? Reasoningon this topic were in the head of every girl more than once. How would you answer the question is you?

Slavic women a wish to get married is laid down from birth. They are sure that happiness can only be found in marriage ... Coming to their peak age of 30, they get married in a hurry. The argument becomes age or child .

The girl no longer thinks about feelings, the main thing is that husband will love. After 1-2 years unloved starts to annoy. Its excessive care and love choke a woman ... Good from the outside family: loving man , wife children. But partly in this situation suffers every family member.

Why do women live in hopeless marriage?

Mom said

Mothers assure their daughters that it is comfortable to live in a marriage where they are loved only. After all, the husband will be docile, will ask flowers, money- to the family, to change will not. Mothers are sure that their daughters need just such half ... She will be able to manipulate a man, influence his decisions and arrange a better life for herself.− just a commander in a skirt! Girls not only hear the words of the mother, but also see her behavior with the father. Developing with a consumer mindset in your head, you will not find true love.

Fall in love

In rare cases, a person manages to fall in love. Fall in love over the years of marriage - rather an exception. After a while, the disgust is exacerbated. The wife falls in love with another man, cheats. Children see betrayal and suffer. The husband protects marriage, because he is afraid of losing his family. Psychology people based on imaginary happiness ... They all live together, but they hurt each other.

In this case better to get divorced. Both have time to find harmonious relationship. Children will be happy to see satisfied parents. The worries about the divorce will pass. It will be followed by understanding and awareness of the situation.

Scientists prove that everyone needs love. Human suffers if he has no one to care for and share his love. He also dies when he is loved unrequitedly. Marriage pity does not bring joy.

Pros and cons of one-sided love

Eternal dilemma , which haunts women:to love or be loved? Let's we'll figure it out!

Advantages and disadvantages one-sided love

Ladies love to be looked after. Even if the person is not interested in woman, then his sympathy flatters his self-esteem. It's nice when there is an admirer.

Girl can allow take care of yourself for the benefit. In pursuit of a fat wallet or prospects, she forgets about feelings and passion ... A good option for implementation, but will she fall in love?

Young ladies get male love, which they lacked in childhood. Of such partners are called wealthy "daddies" who are twice as old as the chosen ones. Relationship initially hybrid, since there will be no intimate balance and equality in the family.
Girls enter into relationships with persistent guys because of mild sympathy or guilt for the time given. In the first variant, sympathy does not always develop into love. In the second scenario, the relationship is initially unhealthy. They include insecure girls who sacrifice themselves or are afraid of loneliness.
Girls choose marriage without love in the desire to leave the parental home. V case with alcoholic parents is a good option, but would it be better with an unloved husband?
Female getting married due to an unplanned pregnancy. If positive the test was the final impetus for marriage - it's worth getting married! If this is "accident"− union will not make the child and the parents happy.

Even positive options are questionable, since they may not last long. There is one who will outshine the unloved boyfriend. Can receive wealth, fame, but forever remain unhappy. Such women in the future wander from one lover to another.

Famous personalities about love:

Chekhov was sure that mutual love is the guarantee of happiness. In life, the opposite is true. Love you, or you.
Charles Dickens considered love to be a pleasant flaw in humanity.
Henry Thoreau magnified love as the most powerful support for man.
Karl Marx was sure that to love and not to be loved is a misfortune.

Love statistics

What is more important for a person: to love or to be loved? As a result of the study, people of different ages responded to questions about the motives of the marriage.

50% of men and women join marriage from love for your chosen one.In 80% of such couples, they can boast of satisfaction from marriage.

Because of the similarity in interests, 30% of men and women get married. Such marriage cannot be called indifferent, but passion it does not. It is built on friendship, support, but not love. Studies have shown that almost 75% cases such couples are happy in the union.

Only 5% of the participants answered that they got married because of the benefit for themselves. As a result of this marriage only 20% of men and women achieve happiness!

On the Internet you can find 1000 cases when women got married of convenience and were unhappy. Others fell in love with their husbands after several years of marriage. Researchers say unequivocally, to create marriage needs sympathy, mutual respect, common interests and intimate compatibility.

Early marriages often end in divorce. Love is not enough for a strong relationship, especially a one-sided one. Many couples are disappointed that love has passed in everyday life. Feelings must be experienced initially gradual a test of life together. If you are not ready to give in, love will not save the union.

How to develop mutual love

Learn to love. Love is an art ... Not everyone owns it female , but it can be learned. When you have sympathy for the person, develop the relationship. Time will tell the bottom line. Show your feelings, learn to love. Give up selfishness and self-interest. Realize that you need to love not for something, but in spite of. People miss love in their search for non-existent ideals. It is they who are asked later. a question : to love or be loved! Stop measuring everyone to your standard. Listen to your feelings!

Give love... Women complain about men. They say they don't know how to love. Ladies, in turn, are also in no hurry to give affection. See how many wives talk to their husbands! Such people do not want to give flowers and invite them to the cinema.

Show love in look, smile, words. Satisfy your partner like wanted to and would like to satisfy you. Meet him from work, as the most important person. Appreciate his rest, work, personal space.

Consumer attitude : you give me flowers, but I do not suit you anything. Watch your appearance, take care of your femininity, do not skimp on feelings and affection. Let's get more. Man will answer you with gratitude.

Appreciate your feelings. Don't associate love and gain. Dating a wealthy man without feelings - stupid. You are doomed to become rich, and such people also cry.− you know! Of course, love for a criminal or a loser is also a kind of neurosis.

Spend your time in a decent company, then you will be less likely to meet an unworthy partner. When feelings arose - appreciate them. Even if the guy doesn't know about your love yet. He, too, may sympathize with you. Develop relationships. Try get to know each other more before joining marriage .