How to talk to a child when he is not listening to you. How to teach a kid to talk How to teach a kid to talk correctly

Imagine being in a situation where you are asked to look after a neighbor's child while your parents are away on urgent matters. Or you came to visit, and while the hostess is in the kitchen, your task is to entertain the child. Or maybe your work involves communication with children - often or not (for example, a teacher or a hairdresser).

How will you connect with your child in situations like this?

We have prepared a list of practical tips to help you quickly find a common language with your child. These tips are for those with no professional experience with children. And by the word "children" we mostly mean preschool children.

1. Treat your child like an ordinary person, only a little

This is perhaps the most important tip that lies at the origin of the rest of the tips in this article.

Please note that those people who are most successful in establishing contact with children (I observed this on the example of educators, doctors, coaches with whom my child contacts) communicate with them calmly, in a balanced manner, explaining difficult things to them in a normal tone. These people from the very beginning perceive the child as a full-fledged person, only make allowances for the fact that he is still small. And this approach captivates children.

You can take this strategy into your arms and stop lisping with children if they are far from babies. Conduct a full-fledged dialogue with them, only not from the "adult - adult" position, but from the "child - child" position. Note that children always find a common language with each other easily, difficulties begin when we grow up. Therefore, "lower" yourself for a while to the level of a child. This means that there is no need to openly doubt if you hear such statements: "Yesterday a huge plane flew into our garden." Instead, develop the conversation, “Really? Do you want to tell me about it? "

2. Get down to child's eye level

When we come with a child to a class in a kids club, the teacher always bends over or crouches down to greet or ask the child something. According to her, it helps her to move away from the pattern of communication "adult-child" and demonstrate her respect and equality. Judging by how good she is at making contact with the kids, that's great advice.

3. Don't praise your child directly.

If you want to compliment your child at a meeting, focus on his clothes or an object that he is holding in his hands. When strangers touch on something personal, they risk making the child even more shy.

All that is required at the first meeting is to relieve the tension that arises in the child when in contact with a stranger. For example, you can build a dialog like this:

- Wow, what a beautiful truck you have! Probably, he carries sand to the construction site.

This will shift your child's gaze to the toy instead of the stranger's intimidating face. This trick will help buy time for your child to get used to your voice.

Or here's another trick that might help. If you see a cartoon character that is familiar to both of you on a child's clothes or in the arms of a child, this is a great excuse to start a conversation.

- Wow, is this a fixer? you ask.

- Fixik, - the child answers after a short pause.

- And what is the name of this fixer? - you develop the dialogue.

An object of common interest is always a good reason to find mutual understanding with both adults and children.

Or another way that our grandfather uses when my friends come to visit with their children. He deliberately includes the error in what he says:

“What are your beautiful yellow sandals,” he says to the child.

“They’re blue,” he replies.

- Right, blue. I lost my glasses, and without them I can't see well. Have you seen them?

“They’re on your nose,” the child replies with a smile.

After this joke, children easily make contact with him.

4. Express your child's emotions on your face.

You can often find situations where people laugh when the child is crying, in an attempt to cheer him up. What's really going on? The child cries even louder, falling into despair more, as if saying: "Why does no one understand me?"

The next time you meet a child who is upset, try making a sad face and empathizing. In most cases, this helps, and the baby makes contact easier.

5. Talk about his things and toys

If you are at home with a child, take an interest in his toys and books: “Do you like to read? What is your favorite book? Could you show it?".

This trick works great not only with children, but also with adults, because we all love the increased interest in our person.

Or, if you need to keep your child busy while his parents are away, a great way out is to offer to draw. And if suddenly the child finds this activity too boring, invite him to draw with his eyes closed. Then guess together what he drew.

6. Become your own among the children

The best way to get along with children is to give free rein to the child who lives within you.

Become your own among the children around you. Accept their rules, don't impose your own. Play whatever games they want to play. Talk to them about what they are interested in listening to. Read the books they like.

7. A universal way to get along with children in all situations

There is one trick that almost always works with all children. Surely you have seen how other adults use it, and maybe you yourself have used it.

Close your eyes with your hands. Keep them that way for a while. Then slowly spread your fingers and look at the child. A smile will appear on his face. After a few repetitions, laughter and joy will fill the baby.

This list cannot be completed without your input. If you have anything to add, write about it in the comments below.

How to talk to your child? One of the most important questions that parents have to face, because they need to not only speak, but also do it right.

The process of communication with a child begins from the very first minutes of his life, gradually acquiring various forms and incorporating new factors that make it possible to exclude quarrels and turn interaction with a child into an exciting process. That is why answering the question: "How to properly talk to a child?" several factors should be distinguished: the behavior of the parents and the peculiarities of the age-related development of their child.

The first age stage begins, according to many psychologists, even when the baby is in the womb and ends at about three years old. It is everyone's personal decision to start communicating with an unborn baby, but it is favorable, according to experts, at this time to speak, sing songs, and turn on classical music. After the appearance of the baby, communication becomes mandatory and it is recommended to include in it:

• Quiet, soft speech, accompanied by a smile, thanks to this, the baby will feel comfortable and safe.
• Sound imitation of the baby, thus, can make it clear to the baby that he is loved and understood, but it is impossible to drag out the “hacking”, since it is necessary to accustom the baby to normal speech, so it is worth making a smooth transition from children's speech to more adult speech. By adding other sounds to speech, then words and after which communication occurs only in words. This technique not only helps the baby, but also helps the parents remember that they were when they were the same little children.
• You can make communication with children more lively with the help of non-verbal means, that is, gestures. When telling your baby about something, try to point to the object, thereby attracting the attention of your child to it.
• Using short, simple sentences. It is recommended to repeat what has been said if the baby does not understand or remember.
• It is possible and necessary to educate and develop children in the game. One of the most effective techniques "Mirror". It is necessary to sit in front of the child and exactly repeat all his movements, facial expressions, sounds, after the baby is interested, say cognitive and interesting things until the child starts to lose attention again. This technique can be repeated about two or three times in one day, but do not overuse it, otherwise it may lose its effectiveness.

The use of such simple methods is necessary, because it is thanks to them that you can show your child your love and interest.

The second age stage is from three to seven years, at this time children actively learn about the world and everything around them, they ask many questions, build their guesses and theories. It is important to follow some recommendations so that the baby does not grow up gloomy, sad, with an underestimated interest in the world or self-esteem.

1. The word cannot be used extremely rarely, and after the ban on anything, the explanation "why" follows. Since it is at this age that children begin to understand the causal relationship and so that they do not have to try everything on their own to gain their own experience, it is necessary to explain each step and its consequences.
2. Using paraphrasing. The number should not be reduced, so you have to learn one of the techniques of psychology - paraphrasing. For example, if your child wants to rip something off the doll or intends to break the machine, you can turn it into a living being: wouldn't it hurt the machine, but if they did it to you? This formulation gives your child the opportunity to think and understand that it is undesirable to do this.
3. The endless "why" is not for nothing that this age is called "why". And that is why it is very interesting with young children, because they look at the world in a different way, are interested in what adults have completely forgotten. It is obligatory to answer the questions and only in a language that the kid can understand. If it suddenly turns out that you do not know the answer to the question, turn the situation into a game and let him feel like, for example: a detective and find the answer to the question together.

But, perhaps, the most difficult in terms of communication is adolescence, if in childhood parents are the absolute authority and example for the baby, then adolescents often do everything in spite of, making a kind of revolution. Do not think that with such behavior your child is trying to alienate the family, it is at this age that children need increased attention and support.

Reorganization of the body, naughty hormones, a change in role, sexual awareness - this is only a small part of what a growing person has to face. When communicating with adolescent children, you can rely on the following recommendations:

• Reinforcement of self-confidence, it is at this time that the child's confidence is catastrophically low. Reproaches and complaints only exacerbate the situation, turning the family into enemies. Therefore, it is necessary to praise your child more often, to encourage new useful hobbies and interests.
• When committing a negative act, watch and scold the act, not the child himself. Let him know that you are not turning your back on him.
• You need to learn to listen to the child and talk to him, the best role for parents is a friend, you should not be doubted, you are the main support and support that will understand and not judge. But it is worth observing the measure and not taking care of the child, the time has come when he must learn to take responsibility for his actions himself.
• Perceive your child as an adult, it is very difficult, but it is important. The child has grown up and now he is becoming an adult, right now, an adult from the role of a mentor, develops into a friend, and it is only in the hands of the parents whether this transition will happen or not.

When communicating with children of any age, but especially with adolescents, one must not perceive the child as a being below himself, which must necessarily obey, this approach will not bring anything good. The golden rule of interaction with a child is to perceive as an equal, then he will not only listen, but also ask for advice or support in a given situation.

General rules for fruitful communication with a child

1. Children do not perceive open moralizations or moralizations, but often they cannot do without this, therefore, for this they choose creative forms: parables, fairy tales, selected films or videos. The main thing is to be interesting.
2. Constantly improve yourself and interest your child. Indeed, according to the opinion of most teachers, the best education is that which is built on a personal example.
3. Sincerity, children are the most effective sensor for a lie, they feel it a mile away. Therefore, entering into dialogue, you must believe in your truth.
4. Brevity is the key to understanding, children concentrate for a short period of time, therefore, the more meaningful and the less your speech is, the better.
5. Always remember that you are talking to your child, control your speech so that he can understand it. Do not use unfamiliar, heavy words, avoid subtext and hints. State your thoughts as accurately as possible and since abstract thinking is not developed in young children, try not to use generalizations.

Using these tips and remembering that a child is a reflection of their parents, the upbringing process turns from a difficult task, into an exciting journey "growing up" from a toddler to an independent adult.

Summary: We talk with the child in the language of feelings. Try to ask less questions. Statement phrases help the child understand: he is being heard. Avoid stereotypes when talking with children.

This skill facilitates our communication with the child in everyday situations. For example, in the event of disobedience or when the child has strong negative feelings and cannot control himself. This skill helps to find the right words for encouragement and censure. And it is also necessary if we want to transfer responsibility for the events of his life to the child himself.

Speak the language of feelings.

We've all had to see our toddler or teenager upset, angry, confused, or experiencing a whole range of feelings at the same time. How to talk to him so that in response he does not shout that they do not understand him here, and does not slam the door?

First of all, you need to listen to the child: what is happening to him? How does he or she feel?

Try to imagine yourself in his place. How would you yourself feel in this situation - anger, resentment, pain, maybe hunger?

Call this feeling: "You are now offended (angry, you feel pain, hunger ...)".

Say: "You would like to ..." - and help him satisfy these desires in the imagination.

The child will understand: his feelings are recognized. He is told not about how he should feel, but about what he is really experiencing at this moment. He doesn't need to be afraid or ashamed of his emotions. He learns to recognize himself, to trust himself. Speaking in the language of feelings makes him feel safe.

It is very important to let the child understand that he can experience two feelings at the same time. For example, he likes to play with his younger brother. But if at some point all the adults have gathered around the baby, the elder feels abandoned and may even feel hatred.

Wouldn't it make the child worse if we call negative experiences by their proper names? On the contrary, he will be easier and quicker to be comforted if he hears the exact designation of his negative feelings - he was understood and accepted. This helps even if the child wants something very badly. If the other person understands the power of this desire, it is much easier to cope with the lack of what you want.

Should I ask questions?

The idea of ​​teaching parents the correct language belongs to the famous American child psychologist H. Jainott. He believes that in order to better understand the feelings of a child, one should not ask him questions, but express himself in the form of statements.

For example: a son came home from school gloomy and somewhat rumpled. Gainott advises to avoid asking questions like, "Why do you look so dull?", "What have you done again?" Better to comment: "You had a difficult day today." Or: "You seem to have had a hard time."

Statement phrases help the child understand: he is being heard.

Often, with our questions, we focus negative attention on the child. Try not asking your son or daughter any questions for a few days. Want to know something? Either refrain from the question or change it. Only say what you feel or are about to do yourself. Not what the child does or should do. For example, instead of: "How do you get home?" "I'm worried about you. I would like to know that you will get home in complete safety."

No stereotypes.

It is clear that we may not like a lot in the behavior of a son or daughter. In addition, we are worried that some events may affect their future lives.

It is often difficult to contain your feelings. And our language itself gives out the usual formulations when we talk with a child. Still, it is worth trying and gradually accustom yourself to a certain algorithm, a sequence of statements. This algorithm was proposed by the Bayard couple, renowned adolescent relationship consultants.

Let's say you are going to discuss with your child some unpleasant situation - for example, skipping school.

1. State in one sentence what you want to say. If you did not hear about the incident from a child, explain how you learned about it. "Today they called from school and said that you have not been there for 10 days."

2. Tell me how you feel about this situation: "I am worried", "I am upset about this", "I am surprised".

3. Point out the possible consequences of this behavior. In this case, something can be exaggerated. It is important for the child to understand that this is the result of your thinking. Then it does not traumatize him and does not provoke him to realize your fantasies in practice. "I can imagine you dropping out of school, wandering the streets, not being able to find a job, etc."

4. Admit your helplessness. At the same time, express a desire for what the child should do himself. "I want you to graduate from high school. But I know I can't constantly control you and force you to do it."

5. Remind your son or daughter that you could help. But only if they themselves want it. It is important here that the child understands that you are offering him your support, but not trying to master the whole situation.

6. Express confidence that your child is able to make the right decisions about his or her life. And he will find ways to implement them. "I know that you will make the right decision for yourself, whatever it may be."

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